Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BACK or ABACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 14, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BACK or ABACK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TOYS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 15, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 14, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BACK/ABACK-rhyme limerick:

I’m confused and bewildered, alack,
Cuz I can’t decide which pol to back.
Ousting Trump is a must!
But whom can we trust
To keep Donald’s eviction on track?

And here’s my TOY-themed limerick:

Whenever I hear lots of noise,
I suspect that it’s men and their toys:
A new tool, scooter, car,
Or (Oy Vey!) a GUITAR!
Loud? Annoying? It’s catnip to boys!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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114 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BACK or ABACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 14, 2020)”

  1. Tony Holmes says:

    You can count on it – boys will be boys!
    So for quiet wise women have ploys.
    Get the latest from Sears,
    Add a cooler of beers,
    And relax while they look for new toys.

  2. Mike Young says:

    Have you ever been taken aback
    By a millionaire locked in a shack?
    All I’d ask you is: Please
    Don’t look for the keys.
    The intern just ain’t required back!

  3. Mike Young says:

    When you next find a toy that’s called trump
    Give the strongest of slaps on its rump.
    If it decapitates
    Do the thing that it hates.
    Throw the whole of the toy on the dump.

  4. John Shardlow says:

    It’s a courage men normally lack
    And the beautician was taken aback
    When this hairy arsed sailor
    Made her reach for inhaler
    When he booked for a ‘wax, sac and crack’!

  5. Zelick M says:

    Now Locust make fun on their track
    We must find a clever new hack
    Counter oscillate
    Poping resonate
    Blast the buggers flat on their back

  6. Zelick M says:

    Locust fries, up high in the sky
    Men in costume don’t even try
    To laser gun fry
    The bugs as they fly
    President’s don’t do humble pie

  7. Zelick M says:

    Frequencies heal body and mind
    With gadgets that humans divined
    Kidney stone purging
    Star wars emerging
    Resonance and man are entwined.

  8. John Shardlow says:

    At the siege of the city of Troy
    Odysseus created a ploy
    But fear a gift from a Greek
    Inside, take a peek
    That horse, it’s not just a toy

  9. Writing memoirs, your mind does a throwback
    Like a scrapbook from long-ago Kodak!
    And our cell shots of now
    Often pale, somehow, wow!
    Next to what you recall when you go back!

  10. Zelick M says:

    There was an old man a real Quack
    Who lay all day long on his back
    Dreaming solutions
    For global pollutions
    Starved to death when the sky turned black

    Locust knew not he was vegan
    So they left him a cow and a pea gun
    When he burnt his barn
    Shouting darn darn
    They looked back, that looks like fun.

    Wow, now they are all on the run
    I must borrow a ‘star wars’ laser gun
    Fry their sorry arse
    Get a Nobel farse
    And gaze at the man in the sun.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I’m eager to get in the sack
    My wife has a sudden attack
    She rehearses her line
    Her acting’s divine
    And the play is called, “My Aching Back”

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 50’s I married Sweet Jack
    I was scared, cuz I surely did lack
    All the skills about nooky
    So Mom said, “Listen Cookie
    Bite the bullet and lie on your back”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dog owner? Then you’ll get this!

    For Christmas, we gave Wags a stick
    He ran and retrieved it real quick
    This went on and on
    Till our patience was gone
    We should’ve bought “Waggie” a brick

  14. John Shardlow says:

    At customs, he opened my grip
    And gasped as he pulled back the zip
    One Rabbit vibrator
    (A cock simulator)
    Nipple clamps, mask and a whip

  15. John Shardlow says:

    My dentist, I think his name’s Mack
    Was scraping my teeth at the back
    And as I was choking
    He kept up the poking
    Said “I think you’ll find it’s just plaque”

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the “Sex Toys Soiree” gee, who knew?
    That you learn about cool things to do!
    The very next room
    Smelled a lot like perfume
    There was quite a long queue for the loo

  17. Steve Frakt says:

    A flea and a fly ventured back
    To the flue they had fled through a crack
    They did not much care
    For the cold outside air
    Now they’re happy, for those keeping track.

  18. Tim Gray says:

    I said, “Mum, get off my back,
    Chill out and give me some slack.”
    She said, “Just clean your room
    Or I’ll use more than a broom
    To give your rear a good whack.”

  19. John Shardlow says:

    Gender politics, it gets on your wick
    With companies not missing a trick
    The new dolly for sale
    Is neither female or male
    But comes with attachable dick

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    It seemed that she had quite a knack,
    On a date to end up on her back.
    Guys said she was great,
    There was none to equate,
    So many, she couldn’t keep track.

  21. Steve frakt says:

    The toys of my childhood are gone
    My whiffle ball, marbles, crayon
    They could not survive
    My mother’s strong drive
    To make my room fit for a khan

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    My family shared lots of lovin’
    (None of that pushin’ and shovin’)
    How I miss my “bro” Fred
    Who one day stuck his head
    In my piping-hot Easy Bake Oven

  23. There was this pandemic attack
    that Trump didn’t want on his back.
    While whole world was manic,
    White hous said, “Don’t panic.
    And don’t forget to invest in–” *Cough* *Hack*

  24. Tim James says:

    It seems that the older I get,
    The further I sink into debt.
    That may be ’cause each year
    My new toys get more dear…
    For example, this cherry-red ‘Vette.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    a better version than limerick from today at 10:19 AM

    My fam’ly shared lots of true lovin’
    There was none of that pushin’ and shovin’
    How I miss my “bro” Fred
    Who one day stuck his head
    In my piping-hot Easy Bake Oven

  26. Tim Gray says:

    When you get older, one of the joys
    Is to lavish on Toys for Big Boys.
    Aston, Ferrari or Roller
    All cost quite a dollar
    And they make such a beautiful noise.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our children will always astound
    Cuz they’re constantly “goofin” around!
    After cleaning up toys
    All the girls and the boys
    Merely play with some crap they just found

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    How wondrous to smile and enjoy
    A toddler, whose world is a joy
    They can play with a box
    Or Grandpa’s old socks
    Cause anything serves as a toy

  29. Tony Holmes says:

    Mother N clearly favours her boys,
    Which explains how we got the best toys.
    That she harbours some guilt
    Explains why girls are BUILT!
    It’s so we’d let them in on the joys.

  30. Tony Holmes says:

    Mother N clearly favours her boys,
    Which explains how we got the best toys.
    That she harbours some guilt
    Explains why girls are BUILT!
    It’s so we’d let them in on the joys.

    To ensure that her favourites would share
    Mother N had them programmed to stare.
    That her girls might miss out,
    On the pleasures, no doubt,
    Tells us why they’re delicious when bare.

  31. Tony Holmes says:

    Variations on the theme … With Van Gogh it was sunflowers, but then he had a one track mind.

    Mother N clearly favours her boys,
    Which explains how we got the best toys.
    That she harbours some guilt
    Explains why girls are BUILT!
    It’s so we’d let them in on the joys.

    To ensure that her favourites would share
    Mother N had them programmed to stare.
    That her girls might miss out,
    On the pleasures, no doubt,
    Tells us why they’re delicious when bare.

    That Ma N wants her girls to know joys
    Is the ‘Why’ behind giving them ploys.
    Add in fannies and busts –
    So that men will have lusts –
    And that men make the very best toys.

  32. Tony Holmes says:

    Variations on a theme … With Van Gogh it was sunflowers; but then he had a one-track mind.

    Mother N clearly favours her boys,
    Which explains how we got the best toys.
    That she harbours some guilt
    Explains why girls are BUILT!
    It’s so we’d let them in on the joys.

    To ensure that her favourites would share
    Mother N had them programmed to stare.
    That her girls might miss out,
    On the pleasures, no doubt,
    Tells us why they’re delicious when bare.

    That Ma N wants her girls to know joys
    Is the ‘Why’ behind giving them ploys.
    Add in fannies and busts –
    So that men will have lusts –
    And that men make the very best toys.

    Who can doubt that Ma’s number one toy,
    Was bestowed on her favourite, the boy.
    And, once given, alack,
    Was beyond taking back,
    Which, for girls, does not cease to annoy.

  33. Tony Holmes says:

    Continuing with the theme …

    P’raps it’s true, that a mother knows best;
    Might explain shapely buttock and breast.
    Let’s be fair, men aren’t bright;
    They’re arrested on sight
    Of the obvious and/or the blessed.

  34. Roger Haugen says:

    His head and his spine out of whack,
    Stretched flat on the road on his back;
    He ran out of luck,
    Run down by a truck,
    And all he remembered was MACK.

  35. Roger Haugen says:

    Said the man, so gigantic and black,
    To the boy, first taken aback:
    “I’m happy to play
    In the great NBA–
    What’s your name? My friends call me Shaq.”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    rhyming error: from today at 12:29 PM try again

    A toddler is not at all coy
    And a pleasure to smile and enjoy:
    They will play with a box
    Or Grandpa’s old socks
    Cause anything serves as a toy

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: Line 2: Could you change”And a pleasure to smile and enjoy” to We watch them with pleasure and joy

    Thank you,
    Lisi

  38. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When impertinent questions arose
    on the length of Pinocchio’s nose,
    he exclaimed, “It’s a good ‘un!
    But I’ve something more wooden,
    tucked away in my cute lederhose.”

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fred Astaire wanted to sing this version of “Cheek To Cheek”
    But the director would not let him. Here is his version from the movie, “Top Hat”

    “Oh, I’d love to get rid of my plaque
    And financially be in the black
    I can’t stand her breath
    Used to puke me to death
    And that’s why we dance back to back”

  40. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Bidin’ His Time?

    Joe, the turtle, asleep on his back,
    awoke when he heard a sharp crack.
    A big man with a whip,
    giving turtle a flip,
    snapped, “Now stay on the clear inside track!”

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    “I have found myself taken aback
    When my manhood comes under attack.
    Most pernicious of jibes
    Is that, when I imbibes,
    I’m as limp as a glove in the sack.”

  42. Roger Haugen says:

    He kept his composure and poise,
    When his colon blew out a great noise;
    The women choked: “Hell!
    We can’t stand the smell–
    Does he think we’re just some of his toys?”

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    Wife and I threw our spines out of whack.
    It was painful; we’re taken aback.
    We both saw the same doc.
    This should not be a shock:
    Our appointments were made back to back.

  44. Ken Gosse says:

    Our Bond Was Stocks ~
    Alas, I am taken aback
    because it’s a lass that I lack!
    When I set her free
    she returned—not to me—
    with my smack and my stock from Nasdaq.

  45. Ken Gosse says:

    Life’s a Ploy ~
    A birthday’s a time of great joy
    For every good girl and boy,
    But as we get older
    And joints get much colder
    We feel like a kid’s broken toy.

  46. Tim James says:

    When he heard that a gal in a shack
    Did her job lying flat on her back,
    He guffawed like a schmuck.
    (She was fixing a truck.)
    He’s a jerk with a mind that’s one-track.

  47. Valerie Fish says:

    I’ve just bought myself a new toy
    What pleasure it brings me, oh boy
    There’s no need for a man
    With my rabbit I can
    Please myself, an absolute joy

  48. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After both of the kids were asleep,
    Buzz Lightyear would quietly creep
    into Mom’s private room
    for a quick va-va-voom!
    (Did he tire of little Bo Peep?)

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Cro-Magnon man was a jock
    He would zoom round and round the same block
    And one day, while running
    He found the most stunning
    Original un-cut Pet Rock

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’ll give you the toy after lunch”
    Said my Dad (but I’ve got a good hunch)
    Prob’ly a tether ball set
    To be ready to get
    An unpleasant and hard sucker punch

  51. stephen whitred says:

    A Gigolo; Johnny or Jack
    Took my money and won’t give it back
    I explained I was high
    And most surely a guy
    But he just gave my buttocks a smack

  52. stephen whitred says:

    Said the cannibal holding a sack
    “Here’s a hussy to cook as a snack”
    But her lumbar tattoo
    Would just ruin the stew
    So I doubt they’ll be having her back

  53. stephen whitred says:

    Carry scissors competing in track
    Eating eggs helps to build up your plaque
    Have a meal then a swim
    Pick up guys at the gym
    And remember to lift with your back

  54. Tim James says:

    A woman, exceedingly rich,
    Had developed a sexual itch.
    So she chose as a toy
    A young fellow named Roy.
    How I envy that son of a bitch!

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Do not run a 15 mile track
    It could lead to a nervous attack
    Though you might win first prize
    It still is unwise
    Cuz your iPhone may never come back

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    To that restaurant, I won’t go back!
    Cause I’m having a nervous attack!
    I’ve been scratching all day
    It just doesn’t pay
    To eat at the “Seaside Crab Shack”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    I sensed that the twins weren’t fine
    Jill was crying, (a very bad sign)
    Jack had all the toys
    Jill made all the noise
    Cuz Jack learned a brand new word: “MINE”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m organized each time I pack
    All my things in my Ralph Lauren sack
    But I left home one earring
    So we then starting veering
    Over ten thousand miles to get back

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    I forced John to give the ducks back
    Even though he might have an attack
    Then I called 911
    So he just couldn’t run
    (He was strongly addicted to quack)

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Daddy could not get a job
    And that made me snivel and sob
    So at “Not So Great Toys
    For Poor Girls And Boys”
    I got “Etch-a-Sketch Only One Knob”

  61. Tim James says:

    A pilot was taken aback
    By a sudden, fierce counterattack.
    He approached with great care
    On a wing and a prayer —
    And got slapped in the face by a WAC.

  62. Delano Britt says:

    There once was a gal with a knack.
    For laying all day on her back.
    I know it is cheesy.
    To say she is easy.
    But even God couldn’t keep her on track.

  63. Delano Britt says:

    There once was a gal with a knack.
    For laying all day on her back.
    I know it sounds cheesy.
    To say she is easy.
    But even God could not keep her on track.

  64. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The blow-up dolls sat in a row,
    their lips, eyes, and flesh all aglow.
    One declared, “I’m updated,
    plus voice-activated.
    My name’s Dolly — now come say Hello!”

  65. Kirk Miller says:

    Toy store owners are asking themselves
    About drones, so each one of them delves
    Into records of sales,
    And the trend that prevails
    Is that drones have been flying off shelves.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some toys are just simply bizarre
    It seems we have come very far
    No more “Easy Bake Oven”
    The kids are now lovin’
    The popular “Tipsy Play Bar”

  67. Suellen Mayfield says:

    MY BACK PAGES

    Sparkling! Uplifting! Joy-packed!
    A spiritual energy snack!
    With the world on the ropes
    I can always find hope
    On the cover of a paperback.

  68. Suellen Mayfield says:

    BACK TO THE FUTURE

    I can’t help be taken aback
    By the depressing political fact
    That the Democratic voice
    Comes down to a choice
    Of befuddlement V. heart attack.

  69. Delano Britt says:

    When I was kind of young.
    A girl, she slipped me some tongue.
    I thought, Whoa boy!
    More fun than a toy.
    It felt great for my bells to be rung.

  70. Suellen Mayfield says:

    PLAYTHINGS

    I was once satisfied with a top,
    Or a wind-up chick that would hop.
    But I’ve dumped cheapo joys–
    Now I get all my toys
    From a swanky yoga shop.

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    She called him a liberal hack;
    “You Trump-loving shill” he shot back.
    They’re at it again;
    Always happening when
    The Conways are hitting the sack.

  72. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To nurture nostalgia’s a knack,
    so when forward looks bleak, I look back–
    when my neck had no wattle;
    I played spin-the-bottle;
    and we bebopped to “Yakety Yak.”

  73. Jean McEwen says:

    As much as I hate to be crass,
    I have to come clean, doc. Alas,
    I got carried away.
    With some intimate play.
    Now a butt plug has lodged up my ass.

  74. Brian Allgar says:

    Thanks to Donald, who lies through his back
    Teeth, dumb voters are on the wrong track.
    “It’s no worse than a cold,
    Like the President told
    Us, so how come this panic attack?”

  75. Tim Gray says:

    Merchandising’s a ploy
    Aimed at every young girl and boy
    For them to plead
    For toys they don’t need
    And don’t cherish and really enjoy.

    Alternate last line: Creating clutter that will really annoy.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    a mistake at the toy factory

    “Betsy Wetsy”, a doll for Marie
    Would have filled her with absolute glee
    But Marie’s room just stunk
    (Put her in a blue funk)
    Cause Betsy, UH-OH! didn’t pee

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Saint Paddy’s Day mistake at the toy factory

    The “Cabbage Patch Doll” Oh Good Grief!
    Was opened with great disbelief!
    Our house smelled like food
    (Put us in a good mood)
    Cause the doll came with well-done corned beef

  78. Henry Whelchel says:

    I gave her a wee bit of flack
    For taking my senses aback.
    I said, “Come my dear.
    You must mind your rear,
    And wipe from the front of that crack.”

  79. Daisy Ward says:

    The magician hurt his back
    By putting the rabbit back in the sack
    The rabbit was quick
    Then messed up the trick
    Ends up, cooked meat stuffed in a pack

  80. Dave Johnson says:

    A nightstand containing the toys
    Was making a baffling noise.
    The previous night
    As a drunken delight,
    She reached in to fondle her “boys”.

  81. Dave Johnson says:

    Her lips are so supple and red;
    They seem to say “Take me to bed”.
    Then down on her back,
    She proffers a crack
    That gives her the blow job instead.

  82. Tim James says:

    Hmm, I don’t know what happened to line 2 above. Let’s try this again:

    There once was a gal from St. Croix
    Who purchased a self-pleasing toix.
    She was on quite a ride
    Till the batteries died
    Thereby bringing an end to her joix.

  83. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump has just found a new toy;
    It’s called “Science”, and this is his ploy:
    “I’m savin’ the nation
    Through virus mutation –
    They’ll only kill Dems! Attaboy!”

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Doll For Grownups

    “Hey Mom, what the heck’s a divisor?”
    “It’s simple! Ask “Dolly Be Wiser”
    Also adds and subtracts
    Gives kids budgeting facts
    And it’s Trump’s Economic Adviser”

  85. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Warning: reading this while eating may cause lack of appetite, nausea, weakness, hunger pangs, stress and ultimately, starvation. (sorry!)

    The USA”s prez, yes, the head
    Grabbed the crotch of a girl, but instead
    Of being taken aback,
    She just planted a whack
    To his little wee sack till it bled.

    His manhood would hang by a tether
    And the doctors had no idea whether
    They could put it all back
    Or give up and unpack
    Trumpty Dumpty’s li’l sack altogether.

    While Trump was stuck flat on his back,
    The doc told him what he will lack:
    “With your surgical tunic,
    We’ll send you to Munich
    Where you’ll be a eunuch, you quack!”

    He should find long-lost relatives there
    It shouldn’t be hard ’cause that’s where
    They’re inbred, the whole pack
    (No, I won’t take it back
    It’s free speech, yak yak yak, I don’t care).

    This tale where his jewels are wrecked
    Has a nice therapeutic effect
    It’ll put things on track
    To bring dignity back
    To the gals who once lacked self-respect.

  86. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you’re poor and your children are boys
    When they can’t have some fun, they make noise.
    So without acting chilly,
    Say, “Play with your willy;
    You don’t need some silly old toys.”

  87. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Her ex beat her up, blue and black
    But her brothers would soon pay him back.
    On a railroad they’d heap
    (And tie up) this dumb creep.
    You could say they did keep him on track.

  88. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Jack and Jill up the hill in a shack
    Had woke up from a thump and a whack.
    Well, they started to shake,
    Palms would sweat, heads would ache
    Saw a bear and were taken aback!

    So Jack shot it and brought out the grill
    And the cooking was left up to Jill.
    When all done, she came back
    Jack said, “What a nice rack!
    I’ll have those for a snack with some swill!”

  89. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    As a kid, there were toys that I wanted
    I’d just dole out the charm, quite undaunted
    But not ALL my wild schemes
    Brought results, so it seems
    That they’d enter my dreams, kept me haunted.

    There was Etch-a-Sketch, Easy Bake Oven
    And Viewmaster – pictures for shovin’,
    Silly Putty, Kerplunk!
    Slinky, Nerf Balls (good junk!)
    And a Ken doll (my Barbie needs lovin’).

    There were Hot Wheels, xylophones too
    And Mr. Potato Head (ooh!)
    Though I said, “I’ll behave!
    And I’ll work like a slave!”
    None of THESE toys they gave me, boohoo!

    But I’m grateful for ones I did get:
    Paint-by-Number, a Spirograph set.
    Cards and board games I’d play
    With my Barbies all day
    But my Lego display was my pet.

    When my kids came along, you can bet
    They got toys that I never would get.
    We’d be playing, we three
    And I’d giggle with glee
    Second childhood for me, not done yet!

  90. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Chiropractors will check out your back
    Just to see if your spine’s out of whack.
    They’re bent over and bowed
    Then your torso gets plowed
    Till the room echoes loud with a crack!

  91. Fred Bortz says:

    Feeling weird today. Sorry!

    A bimbo who wanted a “rack”
    Found out that her doc was a quack
    When she woke from her op
    And discovered her top
    Had voluptuous breasts in the back.

  92. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    Mosquitoes arrive in a pack;
    Deciding on where to attack.
    One says to the others:
    “If I had my druthers,
    We’d all be takin’ a back.”

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The waiter came with a beer bottle
    He sneezed on it, spreading his snottle.
    “That’s just gross! Take it back!”
    “It’s Corona, though, Mac”
    “Get new beer or get whacked with a throttle!”

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve got a bad pain in my back!
    My whole body feels out of whack!
    Thanksgiving had ended
    And it sure wasn’t splendid
    To shop when that Friday was Black!

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry single time I run the track
    I see friends, like Christina and Jack
    Also Billy and Mo
    And Johnny and Joe
    PARAMEDICS! Hey pals! Welcome back!

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was totally taken aback
    By my dentist’s professional knack!
    I went out on a limb
    And bestowed unto him
    A genuine gold “Dental Plaque”

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve got a real bad malformation
    I need surg’ry and good medication
    I shall use Dr. Wills
    What professional skills!
    He learned from the game “Operation”

  99. Tony Holmes says:

    “From the hall I shout, “Honey! I’m back.”
    I hear screaming – she’s under attack!
    As I burst through the door,
    She’s laid flat on the floor,
    Entertaining a plumber, called Zach.”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    One of the world’s greatest joys
    That excited the girls and the boys
    Was building cool cars
    They felt just like stars
    As they Tinkered and Tinkered with toys

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    I did not want to be “sexist” but as I remember, it was mostly boys who played with these. Thus:

    One of the world’s greatest joys
    That mostly excited the boys
    Was building cool cars
    They felt just like stars
    As they Tinkered and Tinkered with Toys

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Syllable Error!! (sorry)

    Surely, one of the world’s greatest joys
    That mostly excited the boys
    Was building cool cars
    They felt just like stars
    As they Tinkered and Tinkered with Toys

  103. Brian Allgar says:

    When I offered my girl-friend a “snack”,
    She was visibly taken aback.
    “A blowjob? You sinner,
    I’ve just had my dinner –
    But later, perhaps, in the sack …”

  104. Brian Allgar says:

    Said God to His Son, “Well, my boy,
    I’ve made something I think you’ll enjoy.
    Here’s a planet; the trick
    Is to give it a flick –
    It’s a spinning-top! Wonderful toy!”

  105. Brian Allgar says:

    I started to strip her with glee,
    But I knew she was toying with me
    When the object I felt
    Was a chastity-belt,
    And she claimed she’d forgotten the key.

  106. Brian Allgar says:

    For the rich, there are tax-cuts galore,
    But if you are old, sick or poor,
    Donald Trump, lying gut-sack,
    Now plans a new cutback
    On Medicare, food-stamps, and more.

  107. Fred Bortz says:

    Thoughts after a news conference by our “Very Stable Genius” in the White House.

    We’ve begun a concerted attack.
    That virus must be beaten back.
    But to Tr*mp, losing face
    Is a greater disgrace.
    “The buck stops somewhere else,” says that hack.

    Pandemic defenses we lack
    ‘Cause the office was shut two years back.
    “Responsible, me?
    There’s no way than can be.
    That question is nasty, you flack!”

  108. John Cooney says:

    The vet said the tail at the back,
    Will wag when you give it a smack,
    It’s teeth are real sharp,
    And it’s got a queer bark,
    I think Iv’e been sold a macaque!

  109. John Cooney says:

    Toy Boy.

    Last night, as I cried on my pillow,
    So sad, like a lone weeping willow,
    An angel appeared,
    He winked and he leered;
    “Your prayers weren’t in vain, here’s a dildo!”

  110. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The Pandemic we’re currently braving
    has required new ways of behaving–
    do not greet with a smack,
    if you’re breathing, stand back,
    and trade foreplay for long-distance waving.

  111. John Cooney says:

    Just after my frontal lobotomy,
    The doc said he’d do a proctotomy,
    I cried, “I’m not coy,
    I ain’t your toy boy,
    Pray, what are you doing on toppa me?!”

  112. John Cooney says:

    Apologies for typo 8.08 p.m. – line 3.
    Its (not it’s)

  113. John Cooney says:

    I went to New York for the crack,
    But it wasn’t good shit in the pack,
    I snorted, cavorted,
    And puked, then I forted,
    I’m ashamed and too posh to go back!

  114. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 440. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fair.

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