Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCHOOL SUPPLIES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SCHOOL SUPPLIES-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 30, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 29, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow went out for a stroll,
Healthy exercise largely his goal.
He encountered a hitch,
Falling down in a ditch.
Not too healthy that walk, on the (w)hole.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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170 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line”

  1. Sharon Neeman says:

    Let’s start the ball rolling with a double-duty true-story limerick in memory of my late father, one of the best and most compassionate teachers I’ve ever known:

    I believe every child needs a pen
    And a notebook, a pencil — so then,
    ‘Cause my Board has no soul,
    I end up in the hole…
    Yep, you guessed it: Teach shells out again!

  2. Thomas Vincent says:

    Started this as a silly poem. But it fit the theme so well I changed it to a limerick.

    Golf on TV is quite droll
    Just lots of white guys on a stroll
    And each time, so it seems,
    When the ball hits the green,
    Some moron shouts, “Get in the hole.”

  3. Since The Donald’s been wearing Depends,
    the fun in his pants never ends:
    hookers slide down his pole
    to his runny a$$ hole,
    but his mouth is what really offends!

  4. Tony Holmes says:

    “Leading man in a porno his goal,
    And my word, he was ‘made’ for the role.
    But turned out, he’s no good;
    Poor guy couldn’t make wood
    Because some of his part had a hole.”

  5. Jim Gallagher says:

    The typical internet troll
    May find it exceedingly droll
    To be callous and crass
    And then laugh off his ass
    But the sum of his parts is a hole

  6. Mike Moulton says:

    Trump said that one major goal,
    Was reviving dependence on coal,
    But appeasing the miners,
    And right-wing hardliners
    Our climate goes down a black hole.

  7. Mike Moulton says:

    A common elementary school sight,
    Were crayons in colors so bright,
    Yellows, reds, greens and blues
    In various hues,
    Spanning from black to pure white.

  8. Mike Moulton says:

    updated version

    Once an elementary school sight,
    Was crayons in colors so bright,
    Yellows, reds, greens and blues
    In various hues,
    Spanning from black to pure white.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Off to school! Way back when, we walked slow
    We carried a load; books in tow
    But now it’s a breeze
    Kids get ready with ease:
    Have breakfast. Grab smart phone. And go.

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who remembers this?

    In the fifties, our ultimate goal
    Was to sit and go dig a big hole
    Then to China, we’d go
    It was right down BELOW!
    All we ever could find was a mole.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Most Important School Supply

    In high school the guys said, “I dig ‘er”
    “There’s something about her! Such vigor!”
    When that school bell would ring
    You can bet I would bring
    Some tissues to make my boobs bigger.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the fifties I’d say (as a whole)
    Was a time we just loved Rock ‘n Roll!
    We’d “Lindy” and Bop”
    (And of course, never stop)
    Then watch “Bandstand” and all do the stroll.

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those Supplies! Now let’s all stop and think:
    The basics are pencils, pens, ink
    But the girls have a rule
    When they go back to school
    All their loose leafs just must be in pink.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    THIS CAKE! I will NOT eat the whole!
    I MUST lose some weight! (That’s my goal)
    I will take a small piece
    So I won’t be obese
    (Have the rest, when I’ve lost all control)

  15. Patrice Stewart says:

    Enchanted by His Rant? Down With Teachers!

    The Con-ald claimed, It’s not too wise
    To buy the whole class school supplies,
    God knows they don’t need ’em!
    And why do you feed ’em?
    You teachers tell unwholesome lies

    To the public, and I get the blame!
    Each middle-class kid is the same;
    Your greed for a paycheck
    Contributes to home wreck:
    Declaring you need more is lame!

    So rise up and call out the teachers,
    What this country needs is more preachers!
    Your children don’t matter
    (I’m mad as a hatter)!
    I’m counting on youse in the bleachers…
    (Who’ll call Chump out? Maybe Jack Reacher.)

  16. Kirk Miller says:

    On the golf course, I have good control;
    It’s a skill that the ladies extol.
    I’m a sensitive guy,
    Bad in bed, and here’s why:
    ‘Cause I average four strokes per hole.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:


    My Mom had a shop here in town
    She sold women’s wear, (gained much renown)
    All my pencils were red
    Everyone of them said:
    “Do Not Wait! Winter Dresses Marked Down!”

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    You all know that I live on a Knoll,
    It’s really quite great as a whole.
    But since it’s near a river,
    In cold winters we shiver.
    You can get blown away if you stroll.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    They don’t want a piece; want the whole!
    To have everything is their goal.
    If you get in their way,
    Repub. thugs make you pay.
    We need to get back what they stole.

  20. John Shardlow says:

    With celibacy taking its toll
    The priest bought an inflatable doll
    From over inflation
    He suffered castration
    Now it’s not worth repair on the whole

  21. John Shardlow says:

    Czech, Slovak, Romanian and Pole
    Use very few vowels on the whole
    With those c’s, z’s and j’s
    Your eyes start to glaze
    Feels like spitting your teeth in a bowl

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    We can ALL relate!

    In September that darn school year starts
    But even those kids with real “smarts”
    Still forget a supply
    That they needed to buy:
    An oxygen mask for the farts.

  23. Kirk Miller says:

    PC keyboard is taking its toll
    On my sanity. There are a whole
    Lot of keys falling off,
    So I hope you don’t scoff
    When I say that I’m losing CTRL.

  24. Dave Johnson says:

    They met on a gallery walk;
    Then went to a café to talk.
    She thought he was nice
    And texted him twice;
    But he was just blackboard – no chalk.

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    It seems getting things in a hole,
    Is Trump’s only serious goal.
    Whether golf or a broad,
    With his prowess, he’s awed,
    With a rod, he feels in control.

  26. John Shardlow says:

    I learnt on my first day at school
    That a pigeon could still be a ‘stool’
    When asked “Who’s whistling like this?”
    She said “It’s John Shardlow Miss!”
    Little girls can often be cruel

  27. Ailsa McKillop says:

    I will beg, I will plead and cajole
    But knowing I lack self-control
    Keep the Mars bar (in batter
    Deep-fried), from my platter
    Or else I’ll devour it (whole).

  28. Colonialist says:

    Grown-ups have a game with a hole,
    Then lots more to which you must stroll,
    While swatting a ball
    Till into them fall,
    If all that is humour, it’s droll!

  29. P Diane Schneider says:

    So now I go back to my class
    With flack jac to cover my ass
    Helmet for my head
    Defense tactics read
    Academically staged is this lass

  30. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Take a butternut squash—leave it whole.
    (‘Cos peeling it sure takes its toll!)
    Wash it clean and then roast
    It’s as easy as toast.
    Slice, butter, and serve in a bowl.

  31. P Diane Schneider says:

    My chemistry text is my shield
    A Bunson I know how to wield
    While valor is fine
    One must know the sign
    There may come a time you must yield

  32. Ken Gosse says:

    He’s Dynamite in Bed! ~
    Her husband, a miner, was droll,
    But a loving and sensitive soul.
    Both tender and steady,
    She knew he was ready
    When he shouted, “Fire in the Hole!”

  33. Ken Gosse says:

    Good Fellows ~
    Though most would disgrace a bordello,
    Some limericks are tender and mellow,
    But they can’t be whole—
    They haven’t a soul—
    If they don’t leave a smile, laugh, or bellow.

  34. Ken Gosse says:

    Perhaps contradicting or proving my previous post:
    Half-Assed or Whole-Hearted?
    Love can be half-baked or whole
    Depending on each lover’s goal.
    It might look the same
    But it’s only a game
    If each heart’s not caressed by each soul.

  35. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Two tough guys, with purposeful stroll
    Made one zealous and vigilant whole!
    But they made such a botch
    On the Neighbourhood Watch
    By arresting a cop on patrol.

  36. Judith H. Block says:

    We bring notebooks, and crayons, and glue,
    Large erasers that are a pink hue,
    Scissors, pens, pencils; case,
    The large cost- a disgrace!
    Need a knapsack to carry stuff, too.

  37. Judith H. Block says:

    EDITED (please delete the first posting of this).

    It’s important that we see the whole,
    Peace and justice are always our goal.
    “They go low, we go high!”
    ‘Cause we’re NOT the bad guy.
    Stand up, resist, take back control!



  38. P Diane Schneider says:

    You asked me what is my goal?
    To not go into the hole
    The fast rising foam
    Has flooded my home
    Survivors can’t be made whole?

  39. Thomas Vincent says:

    “This shoe making’s taking its toll.”
    Said the cobbler, “I’m deep in the hole.
    I’ve got boots on the shelf,
    And old Satan himself,
    Refuses to buy up my soles.”

  40. Tim Gray says:

    He stood his ground on the whole
    But found there’s none under his sole.
    Disconcerted he grumbled
    As downwards he tumbled
    And cursed that critter, that mole.

  41. Val Fish says:

    We were at the Hollywood Bowl
    I was fit and ready to roll
    Till screaming in pain
    I sailed down the lane
    With one finger stuck in a hole

  42. Mueller’s ongoing probe, says the troll
    is just a witch hunt without goal,
    and yet if they order
    we have trial by water
    Team Trump might float as a whole.

  43. Mike Moulton says:

    I left out a word in line 3 ‘by’

    Trump said that one major goal,
    Was reviving dependence on coal,
    But by appeasing the miners,
    And right-wing hardliners
    Our climate goes down a black hole.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    The kids are just sometimes inclined
    To leave lots of notebooks behind
    I, myself, don’t forget
    Cause I’m organized, yet
    As a teacher, I HAVE lost my mind.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby’s” one ultimate goal
    Was to get me in bed for a “roll”
    I said, “Dear, do the dishes
    Then you’ll get all your wishes”
    (And THAT was my “ace in the hole”)

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    I waited for “Sneaky Nicole”
    To divide up the money she stole
    But after the crime
    She came back with a dime
    (In her pocket, the loot burned a hole)

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Glue Sticks: a MUST school supply: no more dripping!

    Some teachers say glue sticks are “crap”
    Cause the kids don’t replace that darn cap!
    Yet it has many uses
    For noise it reduces
    When spread right on Johnny’s big trap.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Humpty Dumpty was such a sweet soul.
    But one day he just lost control
    When he called 911
    They said, “Listen Son
    With insurance, we’ll make you feel whole”

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Donald” is one nasty soul
    Finds bimbos, then uses control
    During lapses of time
    He can still feel sublime
    Cause he’s built a petite glory hole

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Oh John! You just make me feel whole
    But my Mom said I must use control!”
    So he gave me a hug
    Was that candy a drug?
    My virginity he then doth stole.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you have a true “make-believe” goal
    You surely are one lucky soul
    Just make it a habit
    To find a white rabbit
    Then follow it right down a hole

  52. Tim Gray says:

    Was a young man called Button
    Who hankered after some mutton.
    So a sheep he then stole…
    In a week ate the whole!
    You’d have to say he’s a glutton.

  53. Tim Gray says:

    Inhabitant: Only one soul…
    You might have to say its a hole?
    It’s seen better days
    Since the gold prospecting craze…
    But he’s mining the tourists for “Gold”.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    Doesn’t qualify, but…

    There was a smart fellow named Bert
    Who was selling holes full of dirt.
    When buyer’s got there,
    The hole was nowhere,
    But they couldn’t pin dirt “Dirt” on Bert.

  55. Tim Gray says:

    There was a young golfer called Trollop
    Who’d hit the ball with a wallop.
    His putts on the whole
    Went way past the hole,
    But he’d go round the course at a gallop.

  56. Tim Gray says:

    — Chinese Restaurant —

    They made a big batch of flied lice
    For the local school, a suplise.
    Chop suey and won tons,
    Orange duck for the Dons,
    For their opening, to advertise.

  57. Tim Gray says:

    The NRA I surmise
    Want guns as stock school supplies.
    Theory: Teachers are armed,
    So pupils aren’t harmed,
    Could end up with more loss of lives.

  58. Tim Gray says:

    If the Don should be impeached,
    (That Citadel finally breached),
    There’d be a big hole
    In the Twittering Soul,
    “Don’t do it”, Twitterati’s beseeched.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Great singers, they say as a whole
    Are the ones who’ve been blessed with pure soul
    And when “chestnuts are roasting”
    The folks are all toasting
    The voice of the great Nat King Cole

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can’t say I’ve met Old King Cole
    But they say he’s a likable soul
    But the stench of that pipe
    Would just sure make me gripe
    So I’d rather be stuck in a hole

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’ve lost some essential supplies
    It really would not be too wise
    To steal from Jane’s locker
    It surely would shock ‘er
    (She’s always squeezed in with some guys)

  62. Tim James says:

    There are those who’d resuscitate coal.
    It’s a silly, illusory goal
    Which we need (as is said)
    Like a hole in the head ―
    From the folks with their heads in a hole.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:


    Our teacher, the “Nasty” Miss Gough
    Said, “Students, I don’t mean to scoff:
    But yesterday’s class
    Made me feel like an ass
    So today please turn all cell phones OFF!”

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Boy! we were on a great roll
    Three times in one night! (Bless his Soul)
    Way back in the day
    We sure knew how to play
    But now, he just can’t find that hole.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    I liked my new “fix-up” date, Joel
    Till I noticed a really big hole
    In my purse! (wasn’t funny)
    He ran (took the money)
    Who knew he was out on parole?

  66. Dave Johnson says:

    Consider the plight of a mole;
    To tunnel, his primary goal.
    Here’s one they would mock:
    Two feet, then a rock;
    And that is the sum of the hole.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you happen to notice my limerick called “Glue Sticks”
    written yesterday, September 17th at 8:48 am. line four
    I typed, “For noise is reduces” And of course it should be
    “For noise it reduces”
    If you can find it, can you change it for me? (I just noticed it)
    Thank You,



  68. Tim James says:

    I’ve done what most teachers will do:
    Bought supplies so my kids muddle through.
    If it helps, though, I ― HEY!
    Here’s the thing I can’t buy them: a clue.

  69. Ken Gosse says:

    A Job to Retire From ~
    It seems my retirement’s goal
    Is simply to get off the dole.
    It’s a socialist scheme
    With a negative meme
    But without it, I’ll go down the hole.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sue needs this essential supply
    Her lap top! And here is just why:
    She wants to do better
    And learn every letter
    Cause now all she types is an iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    A doughnut got stuck in a knoll
    Some guy SAVED his LIFE with a pole
    He looked just like candy
    And sure came in handy
    Now they’re husband and wife:”Hole and Hole”

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    My love life has taken a toll
    I gave him my heart and my soul!
    But we’re nothing alike
    And he sure hit a strike
    When he put his square peg in my hole

  73. John Shardlow says:

    What features in tutor’s wet dreams?
    It’s foolscap in quires and in reams
    Papyrus and velum
    Stimulate cerebellum
    But chalks on a board produce screams

  74. Dave Johnson says:

    Trump Jr. has written a book;
    It features an interesting look.
    With pictures and stuff
    Of his dad looking tough;
    One crayon is all that it took.

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Erasers and Chalk: essential supplies of days gone by

    As a teacher of 35 years
    I certainly shed many tears!
    The kids threw erasers
    I came home needing chasers
    There MUST have been other CAREERS!

  76. brian allgar says:

    “Hey, we’re gonna be burning clean coal!”
    But polluting the world is his goal.
    All his speeches are farts,
    And the sum of his parts,
    All agree, is A+ … suffixed “-hole”.

  77. brian allgar says:

    Her vol-au-vents all contained vole,
    Guacamole she made from live mole,
    Ratatouille from rat …
    Well, we couldn’t eat that,
    And we fled from her toad-in-the-hole.

  78. Tim James says:

    Stormy Daniels is sure on a roll;
    She’s The Donald’s bete noire, on the whole.
    She asserts that his winky
    Is just a tad dinky:
    A swizzle stick more than a pole.

  79. brian allgar says:

    “School supplies? Buying books is imprudent.
    Don’t waste money on stuff that you shouldn’t.
    The school budget is meant”,
    Said DeVos, “to be spent
    Buying guns for each teacher and student.”

  80. brian allgar says:

    “I’m the greatest the world ever knew,
    Number 1 among Presidents – true!”
    But he speaks though a hole
    That expresses his soul,
    So he constantly spews Number 2.

  81. brian allgar says:

    The Professor, a kindly old gent,
    Was as poor as a mouse – not a cent –
    Till he peddled the asses
    Of girls in his classes.
    His site: “”

  82. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’ve just spotted a cool Facebook poll —
    “Do you think 45 has a soul?”
    One creative reply:
    “We’ll find out, should he die,
    But for now, it looks more like a hole.”

  83. Sharon Neeman says:

    Once paper and pencils and glue
    Kept kids hushed for an hour or two.
    Now teachers can’t cope
    With the slippery slope
    Of “I’ve got the new iPhone! Do you?”

  84. Sharon Neeman says:

    Red-state pols think that welfare’s “too nice”?
    Voted out, I believe they’ll think twice:
    They won’t starve on the dole —
    They’ll get by, as a whole —
    But they’d better not hate beans and rice.

  85. Sharon Neeman says:

    Spelling “hole” with four letters can vex,
    As most rhymes address golfing or sex —
    But a five-letter “whole”
    Is a balm for the soul
    And gives access to themes more complex.

  86. Sharon Neeman says:

    Asked the cop, “Why’re you diggin’ that hole?”
    Sighed his neighbor, “For Ma… rest her soul.”
    “For your Ma?” “Yep, she’s dead.”
    “Gosh, what happened?!” “She said
    ‘I’ll be damned if I let you go bowl!'”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Mad’s contest, I’d say, as a whole:
    You must be quite witty and droll.
    Now the syllable “key”
    Is to count up to “three”
    To achieve your great metrical goal.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Nostalgic School Supply

    Oh yes, I remember back when
    (And I think of it time and again)
    The greatest “supply”
    Which caught everyone’s eye
    Was the blue two-tone Paper Mate pen

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think that a good school supply
    Is “Charmin” and here is just why:
    What they give you at school
    Makes you feel like a fool
    It’s like cardboard that’s hung up to dry.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:


    For Mad’s contest, I’d say as a whole:
    You must be quite witty and droll
    And the syllable “key”
    Is just ” Count up to three”
    To achieve your great metrical goal.

  91. Tim Gray says:

    In Holland a young Yorkshire tyke
    Put his hand in a hole in a dyke.
    He’s now on parole
    Because of that hole…
    And that Greta the dyke didn’t like.

  92. Tim Gray says:

    Us people are on the whole
    Digging a climate change hole.
    With Trump-like deniers
    And other decriers
    It doesn’t bode well for us all.

    Each of us has a small role
    In linking from pole to pole.
    To see, for a start,
    We each have a part.
    Together we make up the whole.

    For things to change first must I
    Expecting you to is “Pie in the Sky”..
    So making us whole
    Is not just a goal…
    Only do. Demonstrate; there’s no “Try”.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jane’s leaving for college today
    And all her supplies look okay!
    A back pack and pencils
    All kinds of utensils
    And a bottle of strong pepper spray.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:


    To “fast” I would say, as a whole:
    You must practice belief and control
    Yet my prayers did include
    The thoughts of some food
    And the taste of a nice onion roll.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, Kavanaugh wants a new role
    The Court and the Bench are his goal
    And when on the stand
    He will raise his right hand
    To tell some of the truth, not the whole.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well Trump is just one clever soul
    It looks like he’s reaching his goal
    With shovel in hand
    He is plowing the land
    And digging himself a big hole.

  97. Dave Johnson says:

    Paul Manaforfeit:

    The objective: to make himself “whole”;
    It required his selling our soul
    To Putin and crew.
    Then the bottom fell through;
    That “WITCH HUNT!” is taking its toll…

  98. Over iPads adults make a fuss
    while the kids cry, “Mom! Dad! Equip us
    with pencils and pads
    so it doesn’t look bad
    when we do our homework on the bus!”

  99. John Shardlow says:

    Some knowledge Aristotle imparts
    What’s greater than the sum of its parts
    From the Greek with a title role
    The answer was always ‘the whole’
    Is philosophy dear to your hearts?

  100. Tim Gray says:

    Lisa! In my bucket’s a hole!
    Seems all my money you’ve stole.
    Dear Henry, my man,
    It’s a half-gallon can…
    Had only three dollars, that’s all.

  101. Tim Gray says:

    An education is what school supplies,
    (Sometimes with an excellence prize),
    But we have to confess
    Some schools are a mess
    And it’s a wonder any pupil survives.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Back In The Day: Teacher School Supplies: LOTS of paper for 3rd Grade

    We teachers must make a decision!
    And be sure that we’ve made this provision!
    To buy paper in reams
    As to follow the streams
    Of the voyage to South Long Division.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lack of 3rd. Grade School Supplies: no paper left!!!

    “Gee, kids we’ve no paper today!
    I didn’t have money to pay!”
    (That’s really a lie)
    But I HAVE to get by
    Cause them spitballs were comin’ my way.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    ESSENTIAL TEACHER SUPPLY: “Garden of Lilies Spray” $3.98 plus tax)
    (worth the money)

    There’s a really nice sweet-smelling spray
    That we teachers should buy right away
    It’s a POST RECESS brew
    Cause it stinks like a zoo
    When the kids come back after they play.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    “There’s A Hole In My Bucket” (1933 song)

    Now Henry just had no control
    (And he really was such a good soul!)
    But Liza the pest
    Would not give him a rest
    About that damn bucket and hole.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just what’s a “caboodle” ? (asked Joel)
    “I’m the “Word Guy” (thus it is my goal)
    “To discover, Dear KIT
    AND find out ’bout this shit
    Which has something to do with a “whole”

  107. Sharon Neeman says:

    My blind date had a face like a troll
    And a stomach as round as a bowl,
    But I made him depart
    When he started to fart
    Trombone solos from out of his hole.

  108. Tim Gray says:

    To the tune of “Row, row, row your boat”…

    Roe, roe, roe to moor
    Gently at the shore.
    Were rich quiggeley,
    Very piggely,
    But sturgeons are no more.

  109. Tim Gray says:

    I should also have mentioned that was to do with schools of fish, as also is this…

    A delicacy no one denies
    Is just what our school supplies.
    But from a sturgeon,
    You people we’re urging,
    Heed our possible complete demise.

  110. Tim Gray says:

    As also is this school supplies…

    Caviar is my favourite dish
    And I can eat all that I wish.
    The virgin sturgeon
    Doesn’t need urging,
    That’s why it’s my favourite fish.

  111. Tim Gray says:

    The man who’s complete, who is whole,
    Can be said to have heart, to have soul.
    The man after renown
    Is a fool, is a clown…
    Which one is our Trump? It’s your call!

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    Improvement of limerick from 9/17: better meter and makes more sense

    It seems that his ultimate goal
    Was to get me in bed for a “roll”
    I said, “Do the dishes
    To answer your wishes”
    And THAT was my ace in the hole.

  113. John Shardlow says:

    If you have to eat wheat, have it whole
    Try baguettes, flatbread and roll
    They’re kind to the colon
    You’re belly’s not swollen
    Make healthy eating your goal

  114. John Shardlow says:

    Ratty, Badger and Mole
    Proved very good friends on the whole
    They fought against evils
    Beat off Stoats and Weasels
    Giving Toad back his Hall that they stole

  115. Dave Johnson says:

    She’s teaching a pole-dancing class;
    Her students are grasping with sass.
    They’re shinning to slide
    And learning to ride
    A skinny but tall piece of brass.

  116. John Shardlow says:

    School dinners we had after the war
    (In Forty Five, not the Boer)
    The gravy was runny
    Custard tasteless and lumpy
    Don’t ever believe ‘less is more’

  117. John Shardlow says:

    As Alice was out for a stroll
    She followed White Rabbit down hole
    Tea partied with Hare
    Met Cheshire Cat there
    A drug habit out of control?

  118. Tim Gray says:

    Changed the last line (from September 23, 2018 at 7:09 am)…

    The man who’s complete, who is whole,
    Can be said to have heart, to have soul.
    The man after renown
    Is a fool, is a clown…
    Which one is Trump? It’s an own goal!

  119. Tim James says:

    A mare had decided to troll
    Her lead stallion, who swallowed it whole.
    “I’m afraid, stud, I’m late;
    It’s your child I await.”
    It was all a big joke. April Foal!

  120. Tim Gray says:

    ‘Twas de rigueur to eat the school lunch
    But the mincemeat often had crunch…
    Out the hard bits I’d pick,
    That stuff made me sick…
    They ground up the whole cow is my hunch.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    The council school lunch cooks were lazy,
    (Of that my memory’s not hazy),
    What they’d serve was incredible
    And mostly inedible…
    If they ate their own food they’d be crazy.

  122. Tim Gray says:

    Roast dinner was never the same…
    Vegetarian then I became.
    Of the fat and the gristle
    I could write an epistle
    There’d be so many people to blame.

  123. Jean McEwen says:

    Spiral notebooks–brand new, free of scrawl–
    And fresh pencils and crayons enthrall
    Me. Erasers excite,
    And those clipboards delight.
    But that ruler is king of them all!

  124. Jean McEwen says:

    In the slammer, my singular goal
    Is escape. So last Wednesday, I stole
    From the kitchen some glass
    For a shiv—but alas,
    I got caught–so it’s off to the hole.

  125. John Shardlow says:

    More Fol-Dee-Rol

    A policeman when out on patrol
    Reports, “under a bridge, there’s a Troll”
    He’s been missing his suppers
    And scared of goat tuppers
    I’ve booked him a night in the ‘hole’

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some cream cheese and lox play a role
    In the sandwich we call “Kosher Soul”
    And the finishing touch
    (We all love them so much)
    Is a round piece of bread with a hole

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Informant”

    There was something not right about Joel
    Since his “story” had one real big hole
    He said, “She’s my sister”
    But I know that he kissed ‘er
    (Cause my lawyer’s the world’s greatest mole)

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    Essential School Supply: A Drill

    My cousin, (and best friend) Nicole
    While changing for gym LOST CONTROL !
    Seems Bill brought a drill
    So he’d get a great thrill
    And peeked at her right through the hole.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    Important School Supply: A condom

    In eighth grade John said, “Gail’s a “goody”
    “Oh Man! She just gives me a woody!”
    “So a condom I keep
    Cause she’s gettin’ it “deep”
    For three years, it stayed in his hoodie.

  130. John Shardlow says:

    A scientist trained at Woods Hole
    Studied haddock, mackerel and sole
    But his favourite fishes
    We’re served up in dishes
    And tuna came top of the poll

  131. John Shardlow says:

    Is Stormy, Dem’s ‘ace in the hole’ ?
    Is impeachment their ultimate goal
    Does she leave the GOP’s gasping
    Will it be Trump who is asking
    It it me ‘For whom the bells toll’ ?

  132. Tony Holmes says:

    Variations On A Theme

    If you’re wanting a man for the role,
    Who’ll commit to you, body and soul,
    Then invite him to test,
    Tell him, “Give me your best!”
    And then tally the parts with the whole.

    When recruiting a star for a role,
    Most directors want body and soul.
    If you’re called in to read
    You must aim to exceed
    In the sum of your parts to the whole.

    When your candidate bares heart and soul,
    And you’re thinking, ‘She’s great for the role’.
    But when checking her res’
    Your experience says
    That the parts don’t add up to the whole.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Expensive School Supplies For Brats

    Some people will always assume
    That I’m Spoiled! And that’s what they presume!
    Just what is so bad
    ’bout my Ralph Lauren pad
    And erasers that smell like perfume?

  134. Gina Buselli says:

    My Girl

    My girl dances around a pole
    She can yodel old rock and roll
    But only when she’s drunk
    And calling me a punk
    So, I pushed her in a sinkhole

  135. Gina Buselli says:

    Another Poll

    Here it is, another dense poll
    Of fake news and the death of Soul
    And the orange man dings
    As Melania blings
    Killing the next ace in the hole

  136. Tim James says:

    Alexander Graham Bellski’s a soul
    Whose sad story will fill you with dole.
    Hist’ry books, as a whole,
    Fail to mention his role
    As the first-ever telephone Pole.

  137. Tim Gray says:

    Taken by Boko Haram and held tight,
    Since our capture about this time last night…
    We are in a hole,
    But Thank God I speak Bole
    From “Learn a Language in Two Weeks” website.

  138. Tim Gray says:

    Behaviour’s reflected in games…
    We see who accepts and who blames.
    And those cheat in their soul:
    “We’ll call that in the hole!”,
    Who gives up and who remains.

    Yes behaviour’s reflected in games…
    Who muddles along and who trains.
    Of those on the whole
    Wouldn’t be there at all
    Who plays hard and who simply feigns.

    So behaviour’s reflected in games…
    Who’s patsy and who uses brains.
    Who’s in sin-bin hole
    For unsportsmanlike goal;
    Who fades away and who gains.

  139. Tim Gray says:

    Of two things we have in our lives,
    Sex, like a meal, satisfies…
    Said Stormy (a bit droll),
    “Lunch” didn’t fill the hole…
    Seems his Trumpeting’s not up to size.

  140. Tim Gray says:

    Limerick, Limerick, Limerick’s three
    That’s what a Trimerick happens to be…
    So said a book
    From school that I took…
    But this ain’t one, though “Limerick’s” three?

    (Well four actually… but who’s counting? Not me!)

  141. Tim Gray says:

    Now we know Trump resorts to hyperbole
    And world leaders reacted superb-ally
    The “Again America Great” goal
    Will slide down the hole
    From the response by laughter, not verbally.

  142. Tim Gray says:

    America’s never been richer.
    Well Off. You get the picture?
    But from a relative pole
    We’re in “Shit Creek” hole
    With the effect of inflation’s constricture.

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    With Granny, I took a long stroll
    This lady can sure rock ‘n roll!
    She’s got this device
    That helps her walk nice
    And two tennis balls with a hole

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of line 5 in above limerick: forgot the word “each”

    With Granny, I took a long stroll
    This lady can sure rock ‘n roll
    She’s got this device
    That helps her walk nice
    And two tennis balls, each with a hole

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    Never heard about “Internet Troll”
    Till he played a real devious “role”
    Interrupted my “chat”
    Ended up with a rat
    (Yet it makes a nice pet, as a whole)

  146. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s something you put in a bowl
    Called CHEERIOS! (Who was the soul?)
    That invented this treat
    Which all kids like to eat
    Cause each one has a really cute hole!

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    Does the grind of each day take its toll?
    Do you fear you might never be whole?
    Slam the door on despair,
    Grab your clubs and repair
    To that eighteen-hole cure for your soul.

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    Revised and reissued.

    When your candidate bares heart and soul,
    It might seem she’d be great for the role.
    But when checking her res’
    Your experience says
    That the parts don’t add up to the whole.

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    Does the grind of each day take its toll?
    Are you living in fear for your soul?
    There’s a cure that restores;
    Buy a pair of plus-fours;
    Now try getting that ball to the hole.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    Guess this Movie from 1959

    Now part of the title is “Hole”
    Of a movie about a good soul
    Whose “HOPES” were real “HIGH”
    (Like a pie in the sky)
    But it seemed he could not reach his goal

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    Revision of above limerick: Guess this movie!

    Now part of the title is “Hole”
    Of a movie about a good soul
    Whose “HOPES” were real “HIGH”
    Just like “HIGH APPLE PIE”
    But it seemed he could not reach his goal

  152. Byron Miller says:

    When one’s actively seeking the soul,
    Is attainment of Oneness the goal?
    Would this fully illumine
    The riddle of “human”,
    Or is it but partly the whole?

  153. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today, it’s my “savory” goal
    To have lunch on a nice kaiser roll
    And then, if I please
    I shall add tasty cheese:
    (The kind with a hole hole and hole)

  154. John Shardlow says:

    From east to the west and pole to the pole
    The nations despised his populist role
    There was great derision and slagging
    Of Donald’s arrogant bragging
    Let’s hope his showboat will soon hit a shoal

  155. Tony Holmes says:

    Join The Club

    Does the grind of each day take its toll?
    Are you living in fear for your soul?
    Take the cure that restores;
    Buy a pair of plus-fours,
    And try hitting this ball to that hole.

  156. Tim Gray says:

    Though we take fish from the sea
    Environment conscious we be.
    We took the whole shoal?
    There’s no need to control…
    There’s none left? It’s not up to we!

  157. Tim Gray says:

    If you’d call the First Dog a Trump-pet
    Would you call the First Lady a strumpet?
    No dog to stroll?
    He hates pets on the whole…
    But we know he sure likes his crumpet.

  158. Tim Gray says:

    Don’t let it ever be said
    That I don’t have a big head.
    My big brain fits whole,
    I ain’t a prole…
    But pre-MENSA member instead.

  159. Lisi Nortman says:

    Went bowling with Janie and Mike
    It’s a sport that I really do like
    Thumb got stuck in the hole
    So I went on a roll
    Then my head hit a perfect ten strike

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Aftermath

    Well, Kavanaugh spoke very clear
    About his distinguished career
    But the one tiny hole
    When he lost some control
    Was the mention of something called “beer”

  161. Sharon Neeman says:

    Can you sell me some motorized shoes?
    I need something stronger to use —
    Forty kids in my classes
    Are too many asses
    To kick with my old Jimmy Choos.

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    I really just had a good laugh
    At one of the dignified (?) staff:
    Lindsey Graham lost control
    When he opened his hole
    He should switch to a real nice decaf.

  163. Byron Miller says:

    Finding women of size to cajole,
    Was a certain young Romeo’s goal;
    He was totally sold
    On exploring each fold,
    In his quest for the ultimate hole.

  164. Fred Bortz says:

    When dividing the whole is the goal
    Of a chemist, he counts by the mole.
    But if you’re baking doughnuts
    This fact makes you go nuts:
    You can’t make a half of a hole.

  165. Fred Bortz says:

    I couldn’t believe my own eyes.
    Madame’s needs were each quite a surprise:
    Some handcuffs and chains,
    Leather whips that cause pains.
    Dominatrixes need strange supplies.

  166. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cell phones: necessary school supply

    Jane’s chin was way down to her chest
    She seemed to be needing much rest!
    But when I walked by
    She was texting to “Di”
    Getting answers to finish the test

  167. Lisi Nortman says:

    This logic will always remain
    And there’s really no need to explain:
    Good supplies are a tool
    But do not go to school
    If you’ve happened to leave home your brain

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    School Supplies: (I wonder where I got THIS idea?)

    “Now students, just perk up your ears!
    This supply will help all your careers!
    So if you are smart
    You will go buy a chart
    Mark down all facts for thirty six years”

  169. Gina Buselli says:

    Casserole Shock

    Mama held the bean casserole
    Organic and clean, as a whole
    But she dropped the damn thing
    When daughter had a fling
    And said she used no birth control

  170. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 307. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Cry.