Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRY or DECRY at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CRY or DECRY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TOOLS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOOL-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 14, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 13, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

There are limerick writers whose brow
Is as low as a pub will allow.
Tasteful others reach high
And at times will decry
Evil acts, broken vows, harmful chow.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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172 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRY or DECRY at the end of any one line”

  1. The Hanging Judge started to cry:
    “She’s treating me badly, but why?
    It’s supremely clear
    I’m the victim here!
    Here’s the evidence: I’m a GUY!”

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    Poor Kavanaugh started to cry.
    “My life is destroyed by a lie!
    It can’t have been me,
    ’Cause my friends all agree
    I was drunk as a judge that July.”

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Astonished observers descry
    A huge, bloated form in the sky.
    It’s the Donald with wings!
    “I’m the greatest!”, he sings,
    Proving pigs can undoubtedly fly.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    “Unfair!” the Republicans cry.
    “Judge Kavanaugh’s our kind of guy!
    Young Brett didn’t do it,
    But if he did, screw it –
    All boys will be boys when they’re high.”

  5. John Shardlow says:

    My best friend feels less than chipper
    Since catching his tool in a zipper
    He bore stings and itches
    When they took out the stitches
    But it’s beginning to smell like a kipper

  6. Tim James says:

    Inspired by the Kavanaugh hearings…

    The slide rule? It no longer rules.
    Carbon paper? Used only by fools.
    Such things are, to me,
    Like today’s GOP:
    A collection of outdated tools.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    When we all heard his name in July
    We said, “Oh Boy! Now here is our guy!
    He’ll be great for the Court
    And deserves our support”
    (Now that is what’s called a “far cry”)

  8. Tony Holmes says:

    You will know if you’re dealing with fools
    From the moment they pick up their tools.
    Signs for which to beware
    Are a cavalier air –
    And complete disregard of the rules.

  9. Tony Holmes says:

    You will know if you’re dealing with fools
    From the moment they pick up their tools.
    Signs for which to beware
    Are a cavalier air –
    And complete disregard of the rules.

    Health and Safety? Just doesn’t apply,
    So don’t ask – it will force them to lie.
    Best make sure you’re insured –
    Most mistakes can be cured –
    And do set up a camera and spy.

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    My pal’s the delivery guy
    Who brings all of the creeps their supply
    He saw Judge Brett today
    And politely did say:
    “Here’s the beer that you ordered. Now cry.”

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now this is what’s called your “big tool”?
    Now who are you trying to fool?”
    It looks like a fish
    Who just had a bad dish
    And then can’t find his way back to “school”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    “What we want”, the Republicans drool,
    Is a Judge who will act as our tool.
    Merrick Garland? Too smart.
    Need a man with no heart
    Who’s a liar, a cheat and a fool.”

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    When guilty, play the “God card” and cry,
    Shout and sniffle to cover your lie.
    Don’t have to look far,
    To see what you are-
    Just a callous, entitled white guy.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    There once was a guy name of Jules,
    His hands, lips, and cock were his tools.
    With gals, he had his way,
    Until some had their say,
    No more will they be toys and fools.

  15. Ailsa McKillop says:

    There’s a scurry; I stifle a cry
    In one second I’m yards or well-nigh
    From the eight-legged beast—
    Like lightning when greased!
    In extremis I’m really quite spry.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, nothing just passes us by
    (Though many just can’t fathom why)
    It seems we’ve united
    And sure are delighted
    That we’ve raised a loud hue and a cry.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    I never had sex with a guy
    Till I married last eighth of July
    When he showed me his stuff
    My decision was tough:
    Should I laugh or just break down and cry?

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now ladies it’s time to decry!
    Your man can no longer get by!
    If you wash all the dishes
    He won’t get his wishes
    Till he puts on an apron to dry!

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: line 2 of one limerick above should read: Till I married “last” eighth of July
    not Till I married “this” eighth of July
    Could you please fix it for me?

    Thanks, Lisi



  20. John Shardlow says:

    (Not only Australians)

    At foreplay he’s got no award
    Adept at wielding his sword
    No putting out feelers
    His cry to the sheila’s
    “Brace yourself, I’m coming aboard”!

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    TOOLS: A Revision

    Watch to see how they handle their tools.
    You’ll soon know if you’re landed with fools.
    Other signs to beware
    Are, a cavalier air,
    And the regular flouting of rules.

    Health and Safety? Just doesn’t apply,
    So don’t ask – it will force them to lie.
    Best to check you’re insured –
    Most mistakes can be cured –
    And do set up a camera and spy.

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    (woman to woman)

    Flat screwdrivers? (Just use restraint!)
    Think they’re dangerous? (Honey, they ain’t!)
    If the room’s done in white
    And it looks like a fright
    Go and buy one to open new paint.

  23. John Shardlow says:

    A psychic was doing some plumbing
    Cos his pipes were gurgling and drumming
    Pushing drain rods with might
    Released tsunami of shite
    I bet he didn’t see that coming

  24. John Shardlow says:

    My doctors got no bedside manners
    He makes small talk and carelessly banters
    His sympathy’s sparse
    With his hand up my arse
    Where there’s a grease gun and several spanners

  25. Tony Holmes says:

    The Involvement Of Tools

    Oh, how many a woman has cried
    When her hubby stepped up to confide,
    “Do not worry, M’dear,
    All I need to do here…”
    Striking fear in the heart of his bride.

  26. Ken Gallant says:

    Oh, let men’s praise fly to the sky.
    They might even tell a white lie.
    But to no position
    State strong opposition,
    I hate to hear grown men decry.

  27. Tim Gray says:

    If I weren’t a man I would cry.
    We don’t! Don’t ask me why.
    As men we don’t bawl,
    Well most don’t at all…
    Do you think, maybe, we should try?

  28. Tim Gray says:

    Brett it’s essential you cry,
    Be angry, lay blame and here’s why…
    Show that you’re hurt
    Don’t mention the dirt…
    Thanks Don, I’m sure I will try.

  29. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    I’m the best for the SCOTUS, no lie!
    A trustworthy, priv’lidged white guy
    I just drank some beer.
    What she says is a smear.
    If you don’t vote me in, I may cry.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is something that sure makes you cry
    Take my word, you won’t see a dry eye
    At that DMV sign
    There’s a really long line
    (People bawling and wishing to die)

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    I bought some new scissors. The packet
    Was rigidly sealed. What a racket!
    I tried – what a joke!
    All my fingernails broke,
    And I needed some scissors to crack it!

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    We were married the tenth of July
    Then she made me her “famed” apple pie
    Spent the night in the john
    Thought my innards were gone
    Susie’s cooking just sure made me cry

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad’s contests, one sure can’t deny
    Are TOUGH, yet you have to comply!
    Some words are a breeze
    You can “work” them with ease
    But the ones for this week make me cry.

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband said he would comply
    And shop for our weekly “supply”
    He forgot toilet roll
    Now I’m stuck in the hole
    So I may as well sit here and cry.

  35. Thomas Vincent says:

    Kavanaugh’s Defense

    Dr. Ford has sullied my name,
    The press has tarred me with shame,
    So now I must cry,
    And dust off the lie,
    That Hillary Clinton’s to blame.

  36. Tony Holmes says:

    When the hunter his prey does descry
    He imagines the same in a pie.
    Bringing weapon to bear,
    He dispatches right there,
    But then lingers a moment to cry.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hubby” goes to the town hardware store
    He claims that he “needs so much more”
    Then buys a side grinder
    And magnetic stud finder
    (But has no idea what they are for)

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: line 3: “He” buys a side grinder” should be “Then” buys a side grinder. Could you change that for me ?

    Thank you,


  39. Tim Gray says:

    Brett Kavanaugh’s guilty as sin
    And should not be voted in.
    The reason why:
    He’ll lay blame and decry,
    But no innocent claim comes from him.

  40. Tim Gray says:

    Judge Kavanaugh dropped a big clanger
    In displaying self-piteous anger
    Yes he did cry,
    But no matter how try,
    He’s just a self-righteous haranguer.

  41. Tim Gray says:

    Melania said, “Please Don, why
    Is it that you make me cry?”
    He said “Mel My Dear,
    it’s not me that you hear,
    Remember the news is a lie.”

  42. Fred Bortz says:

    In a letter she wrote in July,
    Christine Blasey Ford did decry
    A man’s drunken frottage
    And a laughter barrage
    From Mark Judge and that Kavanaugh guy.

  43. Sharon Neeman says:

    Lady plumbers, the problem’s not Kav —
    He is just the most recent they have!
    Grab the plunger and snake!
    Things won’t flow till we shake
    ALL the turds from the Federal lav!

  44. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Granny, look at the marmalade sky!”
    Says my grandchild at sunset — and I
    Think of Lennon’s sad fate
    (He’d be seventy-eight
    On the ninth)… no, of course I won’t cry!

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sharp Tool: Knife: June 23, 1993. Manassas, VA

    Mr. Bobbitt, OH BOY! did he pay!
    Although he deserved it, (some say)
    Lorena’s sharp knife
    Just cut off that man’s “life”
    And it kinda’ just ruined his day.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those vice grips are really quite nice
    (Turning nuts and bolts) WHAT A DEVICE!
    But be careful with use
    There is just no excuse
    To use them for gripping your vice.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    A putty knife’s so great to use
    For filler or patching (to fuse)
    But it’s just unsurpassed
    And works really fast
    For scraping dog shit off your shoes.

  48. Sharon Neeman says:

    My dad said, “I’ll teach you two rules:
    Number one: never buy shoddy tools.
    Number two: don’t misuse!
    Using hammers on screws
    Or a cent for a fuse is for fools.”

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    To Be Read With A Welsh Accent, Please

    “Takes a lot to get Welshmen to cry.”
    Said Llewellen, a tear in his eye.
    “One is spilling their drink,
    And the other, I think,
    Will be losing the cup by a try.”

  50. Tony Holmes says:

    Still In The Valleys

    “There are ways to get Welshmen to cry.”
    Said Llewellen, a tear in his eye.
    One is spillin’ their drink,
    And the other, I think,
    Will be losin’ the cup by a try.”

    “No! Hold on! There’s another, I lie.
    If you really want Welshmen to cry.
    Tell them France have moved down,
    Out of reach of the crown,
    But that England go through on a by.”

  51. Jim Gallagher says:

    The birds were all baked in a pie
    But dessert was ironic and wry
    Ignoring the hints
    It was set before Prince
    But you can’t hear the doves when they cry

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Press 1 if you get no reply
    Press 2 if you don’t realize why
    We’ve made it real clear
    That there’s no human here
    Press 3 if this just makes you cry.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    My thesis was done in July
    It was “ready to go” but then I
    Heard a loud crunch
    Fido had it for lunch
    That was 10 years ago. I still cry.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Your plane’s been delayed, (don’t know why)
    We’ve tried to find out, (no reply)
    For just 5 nights more
    You must sleep on the floor
    Go to Terminal 3 for your cry.”

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Your e-mails can just make me cry
    Cause incorrect grammar “gets by”
    I know you type fast
    But I’m really aghast
    When you start every sentence with i

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Al Capone was a man, (true self-made)
    People say he was “never afraid”
    He sold great cards for poker
    Had a Mafia “Broker”
    He sure had the tools of his trade.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Try

    Al Capone was a man, (true self-made)
    People say he was “never afraid”
    He could get you a whore
    Or some booze by the score
    (Just had all of the tools of his trade)

  58. Dave Johnson says:

    A tailgater – massively rude;
    One finger was known to protrude.
    Flew by on the right,
    Then a flashing blue light;
    And that’s when that driver was screwed.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of syllable error: 7 limericks up: (line 2)
    7:41 am Oct. 3rd.

    Press 1 if you get no reply
    Press 2 if you can’t figure why
    We have made it real clear
    That there’s no human here
    Press 3 if this just makes you cry.

  60. Daisy Ward says:

    The boxing kangaroo had to cry
    He was force to always eat pie
    He got tire of it
    Then took a long spit
    And made pie eating a public de-cry

  61. With Mad Kane’s new challenge, we try
    to write limericks with “Kavanaugh” and “cry,”
    but in our conviction
    let’s not forget the victim
    as we write all these poems on the fly.

  62. Obama was never his fear,
    angry women won’t cause him one tear,
    but I’m telling you guy,
    you’ll make Kavanaugh cry
    if you ever go after his beer!

  63. Tim Gray says:

    America, Land of the Free
    If privileged and rich like me.
    Don’t even try…
    You might as well cry,
    You’re where we want you to be.

  64. Tim Gray says:

    The norm is to now cheat and lie
    Like Trump and this Kavanaugh guy.
    “Make America Great”
    How sad it’s too late…
    Would make any decent man cry.

  65. Tim Gray says:

    I’ve bought a new hammer screwdriver.
    It only cost me a fiver.
    What else would I use
    To hammer in screws?
    And Amazon says they’ll deliver.

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    It was while she was stroking his thigh
    That a thought brought a tear to his eye.
    Would she think it all right
    To watch football tonight,
    Or like last week, throw tantrums and cry.

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    The Outraged Bibliophile

    “I’m not given to wondering, ‘Why?’.
    You have foibles, I will not decry.
    But I can’t overlook
    What you did to this book.
    ‘How dare you do that!’ I must cry.”

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    It was while she was stroking his thigh
    That a thought brought a tear to his eye.
    Would she think it all right
    To watch football tonight,
    Or, throw tantrums, like last week, then cry.

    Well, the team won at home; he was high.
    It was late, but ‘Why not?” he would try.
    “Are you still in the mood?”
    Her reply, beyond rude,
    Meant that now it was his turn to cry.

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    After so many fails he could cry,
    But give up? Not a chance! Do or die.
    He had built, part by part,
    As it showed on the chart,
    But was stumped by the 白話/白话 DIY.

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, how easy it is to decry
    Now that Donald has risen so high.
    Is he really that bad?
    Hey! He’s somebody’s dad.
    What’s the worst that can happen? We die!

  71. John Shardlow says:

    On their profiles, some girls are scammers
    But on blind date, you should always show manners
    If you’re not filled with lust
    By her oddly shaped bust
    And a face like a loose bag of spanners

  72. Bob Kennedy says:

    Judge Kavanaugh started to cry
    As he asked all the senators “Why?
    I’m not like you beggars!
    For me, frats and keggers
    Are sweet, all-American Pie!”

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Magic Tool”

    My sister took so many pills
    Yet she couldn’t get rid of the chills
    So I got my “Witch Book”
    And I took a good look
    Then found something to cure all her ills

    The recipe said, “Use hand mixer
    To make this real potent elixir”
    But with my Hammer Drill
    And such great magic skill
    This tasty cuisine sure did fix’er.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last Thanksgiving, I really did try
    But my “turkey skills” just went awry
    Didn’t turn on the stove
    And that totally drove
    Me to have one bad “seasonal cry”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now here’s something true ’bout Aunt “Vi”
    This gal just complains or she’ll cry
    For a ten minute call
    All she does is just bawl
    And it feels like your life has gone by

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can hear EVERY WORD! (just could die!)
    Cause you and that phone make me cry!
    Don’t you know that it’s rude?
    We are eating OUR FOOD!
    Turn it off. Have your lunch. Then good-bye.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    This is an actual “kitchen tool” advertised on Amazon ($ 8.57) Check it out!

    On Amazon, you can now buy
    A tool that just catches the eye:
    It’s the great “Pickle Picker”
    (To grab them much quicker)
    Without it, how DID we get by?

  78. Tim James says:

    She refused to go out with me. Why?
    ‘Cause she wants a more masculine guy.
    She cut right to the quick,
    Said I act like a chick.
    Now excuse me. I need a good cry.

  79. Ken Gosse says:

    Night Terrors ~
    Sometimes I cry in my sleep,
    When I think of that jerk and his veep,
    Because highly paid fools
    With their rules and their tools,
    Have not gotten rid of that creep.

  80. P Diane Schneider says:

    If I should speak out they’ll decry
    The fact that I partied, got high
    But that’s no excuse
    To say that I’m loose
    And merited boffing. Oh my!

  81. John Shardlow says:

    He claims it’s naughty but nice
    For pleasure he pays a high price
    His greatest of kicks
    Was the dominatrix
    Who would clamp his balls in a vice

  82. P Diane Schneider says:

    The memory still makes me cry
    I’m holding my pain ’till I die
    I did not speak out
    Too many would doubt
    “So what were you wearing? Oh my!”

  83. P Diane Schneider says:

    I drank a few beers and got high
    What she said, well now, that’s a lie
    I never blacked out
    There isn’t a doubt
    I like beer, so what’s to decry?

  84. P Diane Schneider says:

    How many for this judgeship vie?
    I look at the facts and I cry
    He says he likes beer
    And then wipes a tear
    Judicial demeanor? My eye!

  85. Tony Holmes says:

    After so many fails he could cry,
    But give up? Not a chance! Do or die.
    He had built, part by part,
    As it showed on the chart,
    But was stumped by Sino 白話/白话 DIY.

  86. Gina Buselli says:

    Sometimes limericks sound cute and try
    To win that chuckle, grin, pensive sigh
    Others are full of raunch
    Or mock GOP’s staunch
    But just few make me laugh til I cry

  87. P Diane Schneider says:

    A handy man was my pa
    though he had studied the law
    As blind as a bat
    At the toolbench he sat
    And picked up his hammer and saw

  88. Gina Buselli says:

    Nails and hammers did not fancy her
    Disliked washers and screws that’s for sure
    But ropes were okay
    For blindfolded play
    And her fondness of handcuffs with fur

  89. Tony Holmes says:


    After so many fails he could cry,
    But give up? Not a chance! Do or die.
    He had built, part by part,
    As it showed on the chart,
    But was stumped by Chinese 白話/白话 DIY.

  90. Dave Johnson says:

    The Midwest has birds in the sky
    That crash into things as they fly.
    All dazed and confused,
    But the town is amused;
    “They’re drunk as a skunk!” is the cry.

    An early frost caused this event;
    Where berries would start to ferment.
    One cop said it best:
    “A sobriety test
    Is something we’ll have to invent.”

  91. Bruce Alter says:

    Jewelers won’t get played for fools!
    They know there are not any tools
    To polish and set
    A pair of baguettes
    Cut from Don Trump’s family jewels.

  92. Bruce Alter says:

    He spent five-to-ten in the slammer
    For what he had done with a hammer,
    But she kept writing “it’s,”
    When it should have been “its,”
    And he didn’t enamor her grammar.`

  93. Bruce Alter says:

    The plumber worked hard with her wrench
    To cut off the toilet pipe stench,
    But stopped to hit Fred
    With the wrench on his head,
    Because he kept calling her “wench.”

  94. Bruce Alter says:

    Mr. Phillips was hitting the sauce
    At the tool firm of which he was boss.
    The priest wouldn’t anoint,
    But Phil got the point,
    To make screws with signs of the cross.

  95. Bruce Alter says:

    George was really ticked off at that Paul
    Had neglected to give back the awl.
    For, when he had loaned it,
    He had not really owned it.
    He borrowed it last year from Saul.

  96. Diane Groothuis says:

    Humpty Dumpty let out a cry
    He slipped off the wall and fell out of the sky
    I’m shattered and broke
    I’ve lost all my yolk
    There’s not much left in me to scramble or fry.

  97. Val Fish says:

    He may have had a tiny tool
    But the women he’d still enthrall
    He knew just how to please
    Had them coming with ease
    Every time he gave it his awl

  98. Diane Groothuis says:

    That carpenter knew what he SAW
    The woman next door was a whore
    But when he went to court
    The Judge stopped him short
    “I really would like to know more”.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    There is something you never should buy:
    Plastic food wrap, and here is just why:
    You might have good “smarts”
    But won’t know where it starts
    You’ll give up and go have a good cry.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    This one’s better

    Here is something you never should buy:
    Plastic food wrap, I’ll now tell you why:
    Even with your good “smarts”
    You won’t know where it starts
    Then give up and just break down and cry.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend said, “Please don’t be a fool
    Go meet “Robert” (He’s really so “cool”)
    You’ll scream and you’ll shout
    He”ll just tire you out
    Cause, GIRL! he’s got ONE power tool!”

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those favoring Brett will sure try
    To get him approved. (What A Guy??)
    There’s Graham, Mitch and Pence
    This Ken Starr makes no sense
    And Limbaugh and Sean make me cry.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    “What’s that tool, Dear? (I’ve got a bad hunch!)
    And why do I hear a strange “crunch”?
    (It’s got POINTS and a KNIFE!)
    I must run for my LIFE!
    Oh Look! It’s his new leather punch!

  104. David Friedman says:

    There once was a fellow named Fred
    Whose penis grew out of his head
    The girls he kissed cried
    When pricked in the eye
    But they weren’t really tears that they shed.

  105. David Friedman says:

    There once was a screwdriver, Phillip
    Who screwed lots of screws but was still up
    So, wanting some more,
    He searched through the drawer,
    And decided that he’d hit the drill up.

  106. Tim Gray says:

    America, look what you’ve got
    A systemic core full of rot.
    “Of the People,” we cry.
    “For the People.” Oh My!
    “By the People?” How can we say not?

  107. Tim Gray says:

    Sorry, America you’re screwed,
    Put in a way none to crude.
    If you rant and decry
    He’ll just deny
    And you’ll still end up the abused.

  108. Tim Gray says:

    America, we’ve now got a chance
    To stop Trump and his merry dance.
    ENOUGH! the catch-cry.
    Power we’ll pry,
    If Democracy is to advance.

  109. Tim Gray says:

    For things to Change, First must I!
    Is the mantra I cry.
    If things aren’t right
    Do I put up a fight,
    Or quietly lay down and die?

  110. Tim Gray says:

    So justice is meant to be blind?
    Not in the States you will find!
    Foul! You might cry
    To deaf passer’s by
    Who shrug and pay it no mind.

  111. Tim Gray says:

    So when is this going to stop?
    Being lauded over by GOP!
    ENOUGH! We must cry.
    If we don’t try
    We’ll continue being the sop.

  112. Tim Gray says:

    If you can’t pay cash, “Don’t buy”,
    Should be the common catch cry.
    Except for a home,
    You don’t need a loan.
    Can’t pay in full? Pass by!

  113. John Shardlow says:

    Best Irish accent please

    As film buffs, we loved every spool
    In La Mancha he played an old fool
    Starred in Lawrence and Becket
    But who the feck is it?
    To be sure sor, ‘tis Peter O’Toole !

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Without breakfast, I just can’t get by
    Grabbed my Corn Flakes, then things went awry
    I dropped all the “Silk”
    (It’s a cool almond milk)
    Then OVER SPILT Silk I did cry.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    “REPRESENTATIVE!” (scream till I die)
    “Is anyone THERE?” (no reply)
    Then 3 hours on “hold”
    (But the truth must be told)
    I need all that time for my cry!

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hilary Swank: 1999

    Transgenders all try to get by
    In a world some will say, “It’s a lie”
    But Lana was true
    (Knowing what he went through)
    But never believe “Boys Don’t Cry”

  117. Tim James says:

    In the sack with an insecure guy,
    She gave voice to a rapturous cry:
    “You’ve a huge, awesome dick!”
    It’s just part of her shtick:
    When she lays, she relies on a lie.

  118. Alan W. Webb says:

    There are those who will heave a great sigh
    Or, possibly, loudly decry
    And come down with a hammer
    On the use of bad grammar
    Committed by someone like I.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    CORRECTION: line 5 “but” to “just” parenthesis changed to line 5
    Hilary Swank: 1999

    Transgenders all try to get by
    In a world some will say, “It’s a lie”
    But Lana was true
    Knowing what he went through
    (Just never believe “Boys Don’t Cry”)

  120. Jean McEwen says:

    Although hazing they claim to decry,
    Don’t be fooled; it’s one big bald-faced lie–
    Because chugging and scarfing
    And boofing and barfing
    Are required when you pledge Sigma Chi.

  121. Jean McEwen says:

    Deadeye Jack, in the clink, denied bail,
    Was determined to break out of jail.
    He said, “Sweetie, please give
    Me some tools for a shiv”–
    Then escaped like a bat out of hell!

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    (always a Jersey girl)

    The seasons just quickly go by
    It’s December, and then it’s July!
    But the ones I like best
    That surpass all the rest
    Are the guys who sang, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

  123. Lisi Nortman says:


    I remember that day in July
    When my Grandma died, (didn’t know why)
    I was only just three
    And the world new to me
    (It’s the first time I saw Mommy cry)

  124. Lisi Nortman says:


    In Switzerland, you won’t see strife
    The inhabitants live a calm life
    They’re never in fear
    And the reason is clear:
    They all own a Swiss Army Knife

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    ( Hank Williams )
    “Well finally I am your guy!
    All the laws of the land I’ll apply
    Hey! Wher’d everyone go?
    Gee! them protests just grow

  126. John Shardlow says:

    Dental surgeons, they make me feel ill
    It’s whether extraction or fill
    How often I’ve cried
    From the first open wide
    And what I fear most is the drill

  127. John Shardlow says:

    Father Christmas eats food that he grows
    Makes sure all his plants are in rows
    After planting the seeds
    He keeps down the weeds
    With plenty of Hoe Hoe Hoe’s

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hardware guy” said, “Get a stripper”
    (My wires were not looking “chipper”)
    He said, “In the back
    We’ve a really nice stack
    Including a lady called “Tipper”

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I know that you try to get by
    But your grammar could make someone die!”
    “OH! Don’t get UPSET!
    LOOK! Your face is all WET!
    Now Honey, there, they’re their, don’t cry!”

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    COLONOSCOPY? Give it a try!
    It’s not really bad, (you get high)
    But you cannot ignore
    That the day just before
    You’ll drink crap that will just make you cry.

  131. Gina Buselli says:

    The fashion faux pas I decry
    Spring flip flops with socks worn knee-high
    I wear them with pride
    To cover my leg hide
    My swank? Never shall I belie

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    (medical tools)

    This doctor had no EDUCATION!
    We spoke and I felt AGITATION!
    Cause I saw on the news
    That this “quack doc” did use
    A cleaver for John’s AMPUTATION!

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Troubled Waters

    Paul Simon’s a talented guy
    And Garfunkel? (well, it’s a tie)
    But now they’re both bald
    And I’m really appalled
    So I’ll just have to lie down and cry.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    She sat on my lap, (what a high)
    See, I’m really a “macho-type” guy
    But my legs just gave in
    And I gave her a grin
    Which then turned to an out-and-out cry

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “SOPRANOS”! (It gave us a high)
    An ADDICTION! (And we all knew why)
    For 8 years, we kept track
    Then the screen just went black!
    Did you all hear that “Jersey Group Cry?”

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Off to college, we all said, “Good-Bye”
    We’ll miss him (of course, that’s no lie)
    Went to clean out his room
    (Looked like “Cyclone In Bloom”)
    It was easier, then, just to cry

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    A protest with placards held high!
    There were thousands of us marching by
    But something was missing
    And people were pissing
    No bathroom in sight made me cry

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    You wait and you just wonder why
    A nurse doesn’t give you the eye
    And then finally she
    Says, “Please go to room 3”
    So you wait AGAIN! (sit there and cry)

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s no one who likes Auntie “Vi”
    Every Christmas we all want to die
    Gotta look at her face
    (A revolting disgrace)
    Then all of us hide and just cry

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: just noticed that I rhymed “Di” with die
    limerick just above.: “There’s no one who likes Auntie “Di”
    Should be “There’s no one who likes Auntie “Vi”
    Could you change that for me?
    Thank You,



  141. Tim James says:

    The jack-of-all-trades was a fox,
    And her skill set could blow off your socks.
    She did hundreds of jobs
    For a great many slobs
    And had quite a few tools in her box.

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    A hot shower feels great, and here’s why:
    It’s so soothing, it gives you a high
    But when toilets are flushed
    You’re still in there and crushed
    Cause you freeze off your ass and then cry

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the airport, those bags “circle” by
    But yours never catches the eye
    Everybody got theirs
    Seems that nobody cares
    As you wait there 5 hours and cry

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Essential Kitchen Tool (really available on Amazon)

    At the hardware store you can now buy
    PIZZA SCISSORS! How DID we get by?
    It’s a dumb kitchen tool
    Mainly used by a fool
    Grab a KNIFE! (Hey! just give it a try!)

  145. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    A warm summer night, stars in the sky,
    Urgent pleas in the dark, then a cry
    As a spotlight uncovers
    Two near-naked lovers
    On the grass — and a cop standing by.

  146. Byron Miller says:

    A sadistic ship’s captain named Bligh,
    Enjoyed making his cabin boy cry.
    First, he’d force him to frig
    Below decks in the brig,
    Then, all game-playing screen time deny.

  147. Lisi Nortman says:

    The tools that are real fun to use
    Are those mops that attach to your shoes
    While you’re washing the floor
    You can dance to the score
    Of Elvis’s “Rhythm and Blues”

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    Is the leaf blower really a tool?
    Or something designed for a fool?
    The wind blows them back
    There’s that same crispy stack
    Start again? (Oh, that just ain’t too cool)

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those birthday cakes sure make me cry!
    I’ve got a good reason, here’s why:
    When those candles are blown
    It’s “bacteria zone”
    Then I’m just so freaked out (I could die)

  150. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    You suggested I give it a try,
    Colonoscopy — thought I would die!
    Without anesthetic
    I lived to regret it
    That cold scope up my rear made me cry.

    When the doctor stuck her trusty tool
    Up my rump I felt like such a fool,
    When she told me, “Nice ass!”
    I turned red and passed gas
    In her face, how completely uncool!

    Colonoscopy caused me some strife
    And yet truly, it has changed my life;
    F’ though my doctor goosed me
    She did not abuse me
    And we’re happily now man and wife!

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    My brother was put in the slammer
    For peddling a “left-handed ” hammer
    Which you grab with your right
    And then hold on real tight
    Switch to left hand and then make it clamor

  152. Lisi Nortman says:

    Barry Manilow’s sure a great guy
    He’s so talented, you could just die
    He sang, “I Write The Songs”
    But the credit belongs
    To Bruce Johnston, and that makes me cry

  153. Lisi Nortman says:

    There are times when I just wonder why
    Haven’t figured it out, (I still try)
    That in some situations
    I’ve got these temptations
    To laugh, when I know I should cry.

  154. Tim Gray says:

    Though I’m a bit of a power-tool junkie
    All of mine are a bit clunky.
    I’m not very good,
    At drilling in wood…
    You’d probably say I’m a flunky.

  155. Tim Gray says:

    I’m ten and a hand-tool fanatic,
    But my output is somewhat erratic.
    I could master craft
    If these tools weren’t so daft
    And most of them were automatic.

  156. Tim Gray says:

    Of the thousands of types of tool
    Most work pretty well as a rule.
    You don’t like the result?
    It’s not the tool’s fault
    But the operator who is the fool.

  157. Tim Gray says:

    The worker is always to blame
    Why nothing is ever the same.
    You can’t blame the tool
    ‘Cause they work to rule
    And besides they haven’t a brain.

  158. Tim Gray says:

    Bad workers give us a bad name
    ‘Cause to them we’re always to blame.
    Because we don’t like,
    The hammers will strike,
    And will strike until they refrain.

  159. Tim Gray says:

    I think it’s abundantly clear,
    No silk purse from a sow’s ear…
    Is not my fault.
    I’m not the dolt,
    But this useless sewing machine here.

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    Table 1 is for Karen and Cy
    Table 2 is for Susie and Guy
    Table 3: John and Dee
    Table 4: just for me
    (So glad that I came for a cry)

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    As soon as I heard that weird sound
    I knew that my “hubby” had found
    The clamp for his hose
    (I was trying to doze)
    So I told him, “Stop tooling around!”

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Pistol Pete” was the head of the “mob”
    Yet, most people just called him “The Slob”
    But this man was self-made
    Knew the tools of his trade
    And paid well for a good hatchet job

  163. John shardlow says:

    As the villain the shoemaker’s cast
    He’d had an affair in the past
    Lead his lass merry dances
    She gave second chances
    But this was the cobbler’s last

  164. John shardlow says:

    Tool of the trade for a laundress?

    A bored young woman from Ely
    While washing became touchy feely
    Her relief from within
    Came on fast rinse and spin
    Whilst sitting astride of her Miele

  165. Tony Holmes says:


    A young dentist who practised in Leith
    Liked to sing while attending to teeth.
    He sang solo to drill,
    Then duetted to fill,
    With a dental hygienist called Keith.

  166. Byron Miller says:

    Well, they call me “Dodeca” O’doul,
    For one foot is the length of my tool.
    For deep conjugal clinches,
    It’s tattooed in inches,
    (Tho) I don’t use the twelve, as a rule.

    One of my older limericks, reworking an even older joke.
    dodeca – a combining form meaning twelve.

  167. Gina Buselli says:

    On our honeymoon we went with glee
    To the lovely island of Capri
    Over some lemon pie
    I just started to cry
    She said she’s pregnant, but not by me

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    Amazon: $89.25 (multi tool) TRUE!!

    There’s something that we all should know
    About that new cool “Rake ‘n Hoe”
    You can chop all your weeds
    And then plant lovely seeds
    (You will soon see your nice garden grow!)

  169. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: could you please change line 5 to
    You will soon see your nice garden grow, instead of You’ll soon see your nice garden grow?

    Thank You



  170. Lisi Nortman says:


    My brother was put in the slammer
    For peddling a “left handed” hammer
    Which you grab with your right
    And just hold on real tight
    Then switch to the left hand and clamor

  171. John shardlow says:

    Maltese Falcon’s a film Bogart made
    The one where the gumshoe gets laid
    A bird jewel encrusted
    Client, ‘not to be trusted’
    The detective’s name? It’s Sam Spade!

  172. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 308. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Scent.