Limerick Tie (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And since Valentine’s Day is coming soon, I’m offering you an alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to Valentine’s Day, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Valentine’s Day limerick.

And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge: I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was wearing a tie…*


A gal who was wearing a tie…*


A fellow was trying to tie…*


A woman was trying to tie…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Tie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman had purchased a tie
For her husband, a jeans kind of guy.
He declared, “I won’t wear it.
My neck just can’t bear it.”
“Then good luck bearing kids,” her reply.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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126 Responses to “Limerick Tie (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Craig says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Thought he looked good enough to get by.
    He got taken away
    By the ol’ TSA
    “’Cause you’re not wearing pants, sir – that’s why.”

  2. A man tried to put on a tie
    Leaving drunken romance on the sly
    But when he went to check
    How it looked ’round his neck
    He found it was wrapped ’round her thigh.

  3. zongrik says:

    A woman was attempting to tie
    as she twisted her torso and thigh.
    All guys who are straight
    long to take her on a date
    because she’s so nimble and spry.

    See picture that goes with it and hear it read:

    gripping girdle limerick

  4. Sue Dulley says:

    A tycoon was wearing a tie
    On a Friday, so minions asked why
    On a Casual Day
    He would dress in that way.
    “It’s my business, okay?” his reply.

  5. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Was kissing his girlfriend goodbye
    When her nicker elastic
    Broke and went spastic
    And he came away with a black eye.

  6. Craig says:

    There’s a singer who’s wearing a tie.
    He’s Korean, and calls himself Psy.
    Since his song about Gangnam
    The girls, he is bang’n ‘em.
    If I hear it again, I might die.

  7. Diane Groothuis says:

    A prostitute wearing a tie
    Was aiming to look like a guy
    Pin striped suits, bowler hats
    Pink carnations and spats
    And her prices were terribly high.

  8. Charley Simmons says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Had the ladies giving him the eye
    He wore a big grin
    Unnoticed by him
    His tie was caught in his fly.

  9. Ira Bloom says:

    A jarhead, while wearing a tie,
    Put his hand on a young lady’s thigh.
    He was somewhat a louse,
    As she wasn’t his spouse:
    “Always Ready,” but not “Semper Fi.”

  10. Today I just burned my last tie
    Told my boss that I’d spit in his eye
    Consulted my ouija
    And bugged off to Fiji
    Well, I wish I were that kind of guy

  11. patience and the prodigal says:

    From Patience:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    that he bought in a sale in Shanghai,
    With a wide windsor knot
    He looked like a clot,
    good taste just just waved him goodbye.

    and The Prodigal;

    A woman was wearing a tie
    while watching a movie on Sky,
    Though she jumped kicked and hacked,
    something manly she lacked,
    She wont be the eight Samurai.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A gal who was wearing a tie
    Top a dress seen through by the eye.
    She knew her sheer sheath
    Showed two things beneath
    A firm bust of an ample supply.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was trying to tie
    His shoes after drinking some rye.
    He felt like a jerk
    Cause it just wouldn’t work
    The rye made him fly clear up to the sky.

  14. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to tie
    The knot with a guy who was sly
    The lady was slick
    She knew every trick
    I’m late cause of you can’t deny.

  15. WalterMatthau says:

    A woman was trying to tie
    laces not strung through an eye
    She fumbled with aglets
    ruined by maggots
    scarfing up old cherry pie

  16. John Sardo says:

    A guy who was wearing a tie
    So awful he couldn’t deny
    It should have been trashed
    Cause the colors all clashed
    And it looked like a burnt pizza pie

  17. yt cai says:

    A couple was trying to untie
    The knot that wedlock came to belie
    when they wound up in court
    he recoiled at support
    Enough rope to hang him out to dry

  18. yt cai says:

    Who is this cherub they call Cupid
    Who’s able to confuse and dupe id
    egging on Valentines
    with their pathetic pines
    Giving in proved again that I’m stupid

  19. yt cai says:

    A woman was trying to tie
    To bedpost a most willing guy
    proceeded to get rough
    putting on his handcuff
    Tighter said he with tear in eye

  20. The gal who was wearing a tie,
    George Sand, and her pants had no fly.
    Called odd sort of duck,
    Though she’d prefer schmuck,
    With Fred Chopin she often would lie.

    Now, ol’ Freddy, he too wore a tie
    With piano the guy was quite spry
    He’d knock out a tune
    Then with Georgie he’d spoon
    Crooning some heavenly lullaby.

    Yes, that couple who each wore a tie
    Have gone down in modern histor…rye.
    He for his music
    She for her tunic
    Each more famous than Miss Nellie Bly.

  21. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was trying to tie
    His laces, then heard a nice sigh,
    From a girl, she was staring,
    At what he was wearing.
    Did her need match his eager supply?

  22. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow so needed to tie
    Down his gymnast because she’s too spry.
    She’d buck, sway and wiggle.
    He’d slip out, she’d giggle.
    She’s curvy but tough to come by.

  23. Pat Hatt says:

    A man who was wearing a tie,
    Tried to find out if he could fly.
    He leaped from a roof,
    Which sure was a goof,
    Now all but his tie reside in the sky

  24. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Got blamed under wife’s severe eye:
    “I bought you a present
    And find it unpleasant:
    You don’t like two other, tell why?”

  25. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scot in an awful brown tie
    Attracted some stares and here’s why
    He aimed to be thrifty
    So for Two dollars fifty
    He made one himself out of ply.

  26. Gary Hallock says:

    Young woman was eager to tie
    The knot with her fella, but why?
    “He isn’t a prince or
    Heir to House of Windsor”
    Said she, “But my beau’s a nice guy”

  27. Willy Turner who once wore a tie
    Was the shy type and timid but sly.
    When asked, “Will he turn her?”
    He’d give this rejoinder:
    “Every which way but loose, by and by.”

  28. Craig says:

    Found my dog in her pretty bow tie
    Fast asleep near a half – eaten pie.
    I said “Fifi, confess!
    It was you made this mess!”
    But you know how those sleeping dogs lie.

  29. Craig says:

    A gal who was wearing a tie
    Got pulled over and started to cry.
    “OMG, why’d we stop?”
    “FYI,” said the cop
    “IMO you’re DWI.”

  30. scott says:

    A gal who was wearing a tie,
    had no problem getting a guy.
    Long and real narrow,
    it looked like an arrow,
    and on it read “Have some free pie!”

  31. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A man who is wearing a tie
    Should never persist to deny:
    In certain condition
    It may ruin the mission,
    Despite a dress-code to comply!

  32. colonialist says:

    A man always wearing a tie
    Dressed early – still almost bye-bye;
    One day, by mistake,
    He put on a snake –
    That was knot a good way to die!

    A man who was wearing a tie
    To show his high breeding thereby,
    As breeding things go
    Showed more than he’d know –
    Forgetting to fasten his fly.

  33. If you don’t want to spend your night cry’n
    Remember your sweet Valentyin’
    Please don’t be stupid
    Just listen to Cupid
    A small gift with nice flowers should do fyin’

  34. rbasler says:

    A man who was ordering Thai
    Had some trouble with language, Oh my!
    When he mentioned Phuket
    ‘Twas the worst it could get
    Next time, have a nice pizza pie….

  35. Craig says:

    I got asked by a guy in a tie
    Where my sexual preferences lie.
    Was I straight? Was I gay?
    “Well I guess I would say
    That I do just enough to get bi.”

  36. Diane Groothuis says:

    A baker in search of Romance
    Asked a young lady to dance
    “You’re the best since sliced bread
    My Darlin’ he said
    Give my heart shaped cookies a chance.”

  37. Josette says:

    A gal who was wearing a tie
    Passed by a mirror with a gasping–Oh My!
    This tie looks so silly
    I haven’t a “willie”
    I’m not a why try

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    That elephant wearing a tie
    And was getting his knot all awry
    Would have to de-bunk
    Either cravat or trunk
    As the crowd round his face made him shy.

  39. Craig says:

    In Times Square, some poor schlub in a tie
    Grasped his chest as his heart went awry.
    But a guy in a car
    Did New York CPR:
    He yelled “Get up! Or you’ll fuckin’ die!”

  40. Diane Groothuis says:

    St Valentine’s Day in New York:
    Some roses & chocolates & a cork
    But where is the bottle?
    Not a jit nor a tottle!
    And it’s snot very eashy to talk……

  41. Jesse Levy says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    decided to tell a big lie.
    But I said, “You see
    you cannot fool me
    I’ve already seen Life of Pi.”

  42. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was wearing a tie
    wrapped round his head and one eye
    He yelled, “I’m a pirate!”
    which made us all irate.
    Twas our business he’s trying to buy!

  43. David McCormick says:

    Olga’s hubby was wearing a tie,
    (Birthday gift from his Great Auntie Vi)
    “Hmmm? Ignoring …” mused Olga,
    “Orange stripes … red dots (polka) …
    “Tartan check … it’s quite soft on the eye.”

  44. A woman who picked up a tie
    For a noose said ‘I s’pose I could try
    it with this … ‘ And a voice in her ear
    said ‘Just do it, my dear.
    Tie or tie not. For there is no ‘try’!

  45. A man who was wearing a tie
    George Will style, a real button down guy,
    Gets on FOX, ABC
    Sunday morning TV
    For as long as they’ll pay him to lie.

  46. JulesPaige says:

    In sports when there is a tie
    Proud fathers just want to die
    Their Pee-wee beginners
    Need not play like hell bent sinners
    We mothers stand back and sigh

  47. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Was told he should make one more try.
    He answered, “Oh heck!
    Must it go round my neck?
    No wonder I’m feeling cock-shy.”

  48. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Was hanging around. Wonder why?
    You guessed it. It’s true.
    I’ve got some noose for you.
    What a bad pun to hear when you die!

  49. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was wearing a tie
    At a party for one last “Good-bye.”
    It was nothing too arty;
    Just a small necktie party.
    And who was that guy? It was I!

  50. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Met a gal who was wondering why.
    Sir, what is that tie for?
    It’s something to die for.
    What for? Four-in-hand. End verse. (sigh)

  51. kaykuala says:

    A man who was wearing a tie…
    A front for something on the sly
    Tried his first job
    It was a total flop
    But it spurred him for another try


  52. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Asked his wife once again, “Tell me why.”
    I was tie-less in Gaza,
    At the Hilton, the Plaza
    And doing the gangnam with Psy.

  53. Claudia says:

    smiles..i don’t feel limericky myself…so just enjoyed reading yours and some of the other entries…happy monday to you..

  54. Rich (In Name Only) in Reno says:

    A Valentine’s Day Limerick

    Valentine’s Day, it is looming
    And both sexes assiduously grooming
    To enhance their appearance
    And with perseverance
    To assure Love will soon be blooming

    While not wishing to spread doom and gloom
    I think all should give thought to whom
    Once the festival’s done
    And we’ve all had our fun
    We’ll from then on needs share the bathroom.

  55. I might just be willing to try
    Going out for some food, said the guy.
    But you know I’ve been frail
    With a stomach unhale
    So I beg you won’t make me eat Thai.

  56. Diane Groothuis says:

    You are my true Valentine
    I’ve wanted you since I was nine
    The curve of your lips
    And the shape of your hips
    You’re a statue in the middle of the Rhine.

  57. A woman was wearing a tie
    As she set out, Viagra to buy
    It’s ironic a lot
    That she got what she sought
    Even though it was in short supply

  58. Roger Ailes in his best power tie
    On improving his share, has an eye
    But he just doesn’t get
    That his station’s all wet
    As he hangs some more drips out to dry

  59. A father was trying to tie
    His son’s Keds but gave up bye and bye
    When the dad couldn’t shoe him
    The youngster said to him
    “Next time, let’s give Velcro a try”

  60. I remember it happened this way
    We blind dated on Valentine’s Day
    It was love at first sight
    That not only sounds trite
    It’s quite possibly even cliché

  61. Here’s a Feb 14 greeting that rhymes
    I will miss you on this Valentimes
    I’ll be down in the rain
    On the coast once again
    You’ll be home where the sun always shimes

  62. John Larkin says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    tried giving a cutie the eye.
    She cried, “Go away.
    I can tell you the day
    we hook up is the day that pigs fly.”

  63. Sue Dulley says:

    The best kind of Valentine card
    Is fondly hand-made by a bard
    With thoughts sweet and warm
    In limerick form
    If that doesn’t make it too difficult.

    As Girl Guides we learned how to tie
    Knots that sailors and cowboys won’t try,
    With cord, string or rope –
    Not much use, but we’d hope
    They’d some day lasso us a guy.

  64. Sue Dulley says:

    A tourist was wearing a tie.
    She wanted to look like a guy
    So why did we fail
    To see her as male?
    She asked for directions, that’s why.

  65. Sue Dulley says:

    If you dare to be wearing a tie
    In our town near the start of July
    It’d better be bolo
    Or you’ll drink your beer solo
    Or worse, get stampeded and die.

  66. Sue Dulley says:

    They say a crowd’s “not <3”
    Which is just the right way it should be.
    When sending a heart
    In emoticon art
    You’d best make your spouse the heart-ee.

  67. Edmund Conti says:

    For one who’s the joy of my life
    The spoon and the fork to my knife,
    She is my main squeeze,
    Abelard’s Heloise.
    (Now, where’s there a card for my wife?)

  68. Dean Deters says:

    A man who was wearing a tie,
    Was seen by another to cry.
    When asked, “why the tears?”
    “This tie, it appears,”
    “Was used on their onions to dry.”

  69. Lois Douthitt says:

    Lola ripped off the ballplayer’s tie;
    So he flung off his shirt in reply.
    As his belt hit the floor
    She grinned, “yes, I want more–
    And this inning’s next move’s a pop fly.”

  70. Tom Harris says:

    The mosquito wore a loud tie.
    I suppose you want to know why.
    In the swamp dark and damp,
    It flashed like a lamp,
    “Looking to mate? I’m your guy.”

  71. Tom Harris says:

    Debra Sue was trying to tie
    The knot with a very rich guy.
    But the tycoon, Larry,
    Did not wish to marry,
    Put off by the greed in her eye.

  72. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A bunny adjusts her bow-tie
    Upon thumping a wolf of a guy,
    Unaware that his paw
    Left but one little flaw:
    Her tail’s now stuck to her thigh.

  73. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Sported also a very black eye.
    So, what caused the latter?
    A very small matter
    Which was hanging out from his fly.

  74. Mark Megson says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Was choking and didn’t know why
    On a nail he’d snagged
    And the fellow he gagged
    When he chased a hot girl passing by

  75. Laurie Baker says:

    A Japanese gardener donned a tie
    When presenting his miniature bonsai
    Although merely ornamental
    The audience was judgmental
    Twas relief when an expert asked to buy!

  76. A man had just loosened his tie
    To relax while preparing to fly
    To a city Down Under.
    His aplomb tore asunder
    Hearing, “Welcome to Qantas to die.”

  77. The oldest gal tightened her tie
    To one item and said with a sigh,
    “They say I’m too old,
    Possessions all sold.
    My computer still helps me get BUY!”

  78. Natasha says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Knew his time had come to eat pie
    He pulled the thing of his neck
    gave cupid a bet
    and waited for arrows to fly

  79. brian miller says:

    a man who was wearing a tie
    got some of his lunch in his eye
    wash it he tried
    until it cried
    and finally found it was a fly

  80. Diane Groothuis says:

    Miss Muffett when seeking Romance
    Came upon a small spider by chance
    In a passion she flew
    And sent billet -doux
    To his arachnid website in France

  81. Laurie Baker says:

    A Japanese gardener donned a tie
    When showing his potted bonsai
    Tho merely ornamental
    The crowd was judgmental
    And sadly not likely to buy.

  82. Aria says:

    Well that was cute and funny. I have heard a ton of limericks lately and make them up with my kids…I may have to start writing them again.

  83. Haha, perfect. Loved this!

  84. Edmund Conti says:

    The State of the Union is…interesting

    A fellow was wearing a tie,
    A purple one, that kind of guy.
    In front of him sat
    A president that
    Told Congress, America, “Hi.”

  85. Edmund Conti says:

    And to be fair and balanced–

    A fellow was wearing a tie,
    A pink one (and don’t ask me why)
    As Barak proposed
    He seemed ill-disposed
    And countered applause with a sigh.

  86. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “A fisherman knows how to tie
    An alluring and eye-catching fly,”
    Said fish to trainee,
    “So don’t bite till you see
    The facets of each compound eye.”

  87. Lois Douthitt says:

    As the pirate was trying to tie
    Up his wench, she refused to comply.
    “Prone again on the bed?
    I want face-up instead!
    We will—arrgh!—never see aye-to-aye.”

  88. Edmund Conti says:

    Three fellows were wearing three ties
    Three colors or so I surmise.
    i have to say truly
    That Sue Dulley, duly,
    For noting that, gets the first prize.

  89. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now Damien wearing a tie
    With world famous singer did vie
    Said “Great minds think alike
    So I’ll go for a hike
    Coz you are more famous than I”.

  90. Stan Ski says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    was saving his pennies to buy
    a new shirt and pants
    to wear to the dance
    that was scheduled for mid July

  91. Tim James says:

    A fellow was trying to tie
    To a dial-up, for porn on the sly.
    By the time it had loaded
    His lust had eroded.
    He should cough up the bucks for wi-fi.

  92. Carolyn Henly says:

    A Marquess in old school tie
    Made all the aristocrats cry
    When in tones far from plummy
    He asked for a rummy
    And Curacao limey Mai Tai.

  93. Carolyn Henly says:

    Two songs must be voted a tie:
    Don McLean’s fine “American Pie”
    and Weird Al’s from much later
    ’bout a nascent Darth Vader
    “But for now he is still a small fry!”

  94. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was wearing a Thai
    Round his neck and was wondering why.
    Can it be that all these
    Unrestrained Siamese
    Have trouble just saying “Good-bye.”

  95. Edmund Conti says:

    And on an unrelated (OK spider-related) note–

    Come into my parlor, said I,
    The spider, to my friend the fly.
    My dinner is near
    But don’t worry, dear,
    For you I am ordering Thai.

  96. hegesias says:

    A gal who was wearing a tie
    Had sex with the nation’s top spy.
    It became quite a scandal,
    More than he could handle,
    When he was busted by the FBI.

  97. hegesias says:

    In honor of Valentine’s day,
    I told my dear wife I am gay.
    It came as a shock,
    But she tore of her frock,
    And said, Who cares, let’s have sex anyway!

  98. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was wearing a tie:
    Very long, it ran down to his fly.
    Ask him why he just sighs
    And then gently replies,
    “Comes in handy, to wipe her mouth dry.”

  99. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was wearing a tie.
    Is it OK if I call him Sy?
    His real name is Sid
    But you know if I did
    The rhyming police would stop by.

  100. Sue Dulley says:

    A dancer liked wearing his tie
    In place of a belt; that’s no lie.
    Fred Astaire was his name
    And he’d probably claim
    That it helped keep his pants up sky-high.

  101. Sue Dulley says:

    He wasn’t seen much in a tie
    JDS (R.I.P) was so shy
    Still the Glasses live on
    (Except Seymour, who’s gone)
    And the Catcher remains in the Rye.

  102. Diane Groothuis says:

    Fair Phyllis was wearing a tie
    Alone on a mountain so high
    A long way from Rome
    but she knew she’d get home
    As Qantas would surely drop by.

  103. Johanna Richmond says:

    Whether simple or bursting with frills,
    Hope your Valentine frolic fulfills
    Each libidinous want;
    If it doesn’t, come haunt
    Mad Kane’s blog for vicarious thrills.

  104. Diane Groothuis says:

    I’m haunting the blog with the frills
    Searching for Valentine thrills
    Where’s that handsome guy
    With a gleam in his eye???
    The anticipation just kills.

  105. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A knot theorist couldn’t quite tie
    The loose ends on his theory of why
    He could grasp tangled links,
    Four-dimensional kinks,
    But a shoelace was pi in the sky.

  106. Eugene Fedorov says:

    It’s good to be “state-of-the-art”,
    But beautiful roses apart,
    One thought makes me shiver:
    Why poison one’s liver
    With junks of your chocolate heart?

  107. Craig says:

    A miniscule man (real name Nate)
    Met Val, his enormous blind date.
    No one’s love is as shiny
    As ol’ Val and Tiny –
    Each year we acknowledge their fate.

    Happy Val and Tiny’s Day to my very tall wife, Val.

  108. Diane Groothuis says:

    A kangaroo in a bow tie
    Was pestering a man passing by.
    So he said with a frown
    ” Will you tie that thing down
    Or you’ll get a meat pie in the eye!”

  109. Craig says:

    Got a perm from my hairdresser, Ty.
    And as we were saying good-bye,
    I asked if he might
    Make the next one less tight.
    He said no, because “Big Curls Don’t Dry.”

    (Some might call foul, but my wife’s hairdresser really is named Ty, so there.)

  110. Diane Groothuis says:

    Those cyclists each wearing a tie
    After Craig’s house came skeltering by
    One said “I’m appalled
    At the last place we called
    A flasher said “f#$*K off and fly”

  111. Diane Groothuis says:

    So when you are wearing a tie
    Don’t visit Craig D , Sue or I
    We are busy as Hell
    And we’re all doing well
    We have other big fish to fry.

  112. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Hey, Squeeze, can you cinch up my tie?”
    Says a guy whose two hands won’t comply.
    “Why, Hon, never think
    I could pass on such kink!
    How’s this knot?” says the hangman. “Goodbye!”

  113. Diane Groothuis says:

    Those gentlemen each in a tie
    Were just something different say I
    One Witness, One Mormon
    Door to Door stormin’
    Ecumenically splitting the pie.

  114. Don says:

    A man who wore a coat and tie
    got so hot he wanted to sigh,
    but it’s a power thing ya’ know
    a uniform, an image to show
    he’s the boss, that’s his armor do or die

  115. Tim James says:

    A fellow doffed jacket and tie
    To give cleaning a clogged pipe a try.
    But he fibbed to his spouse:
    “We’ve no Drano in-house!”
    It was clearly a little white lye.

  116. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Ahoy, all ye valentines! Note:
    Long distance relation-ships float!
    No undoing your knots
    Provided you’ve lots
    Of clear sailing ‘tween set and remote.

  117. Edmund Conti says:

    I don’t have a valentine card
    Though I searched on the whole boulevard.
    There were none on the shelf
    So I wrote this myself
    And I’m hoping I won’t be dis-bard.

  118. Edmund Conti says:

    Enjoy, Dear, this valentine card
    And the fact I don’t cite Kierkegaarde.
    I hope you don’t laugh
    But I drew a giraffe
    Now let’s neck like a camelopard.

  119. Diane Groothuis says:

    Are you sure a camelopard necks?
    And how would they be having sex?
    I think Val’s Day’s over
    It’s time to roll over
    With a good cuppa tea and a Bex.

  120. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Incited a hue & a cry
    When, aside from his hat
    And his purple cravat,
    He was nakedly ambling by.

  121. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was wearing a tie,
    And whose business card read “FBI”,
    Took a sheet from a file
    And said to me: “I’ll
    Have to ask what you’re doing, and why.”

  122. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Found it hard to explain to us why,
    After mortgage loan fraud,
    It doesn’t look odd
    They can’t find a banker to try.

  123. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Said “I’m only a regular guy
    Who used to be retro
    But now has gone metro,
    With help from the men of ‘Queer Eye’.”

  124. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was wearing a tie
    Remarked, with a gleam in his eye:
    “Although I’m well-dressed,
    I’m not as repressed
    As these regiment stripes would imply.”

  125. Dr. Goose says:

    Said a banker: “We’re looking to tie
    The credit for which you apply
    To products with fees.”
    Said I: “If you please,
    Your proposal may fail to comply.”

  126. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Special Valentine’s Day-Themed Limerick Award Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 101.

    But you can still have lots of Limerick-Off fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: The Role of Limericks.