Archive for the ‘GOP Humor’ Category
Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera.
And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse. (Not that I want to find out, of course.)
Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?[tags]Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors[/tags]
Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Foreign Policy, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, New York Mayors, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani, White House | 6 Comments »
Wednesday, October 10th, 2007
Can you imagine the reaction if a Democratic candidate made a Mitt Romney type consult the lawyers before launching a war remark? Republicans wouldn’t be guilty of a double standard, would they?
First Kill All The Lawyers (Republican Policy)
First Consult All The Lawyers (Mitt Romney Policy)
First Kill All The Democrat Lawyers (Revised Republican Policy)
(You can find more of my legal humor here.) [tags]Mitt Romney, Legal Humor, Republicans & Lawyers, GOP & Attorneys, Debate Humor, GOP Hypocrisy[/tags]
Posted in Campaign Humor, Debate Humor, Election Satire, Foreign Policy, GOP Humor, Law Satire, Mitt Romney Humor, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Uncategorized, White House | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP:
SCHIP HAIKU
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush vetoed S-CHIP
Cuz he had a better plan:
No Child Left Alive.
(You can find more of my health humor here.)
Update:
Ayn Clouter seasons
Her blog with parody poems,
Inspiring laughter.
Why did I post a haiku about Ayn Clouter? Because she responded to my SCHIP haiku with some haiku of her own. [tags]SCHIP Humor, Children’s Health Insurance Plan[/tags]
Posted in George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Health Satire, News Haiku & Senryu, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, SCHIP Humor, White House | 14 Comments »
Monday, September 24th, 2007
Dear Rudy,
You really need to stop taking cell phone calls from your latest wife while you’re on stage giving a speech. It’s weird, rude and, in a post-9/11 world, it just ain’t cool.
You probably think it makes you look relaxed and confident. And you’re also hoping to burnish your image with the family values crowd, by making people think you’re still on speaking terms with somebody in your family. (Fess up Rudy: Who was really on the phone during your NRA speech? Your secretary? Wife Number — what would the next one be — Four?
In any event, these staged on-stage calls from your “wife” simply have to stop. Aside from the weird/rude/uncool problem, people are starting to suspect that you’re afraid not to take them.
Sorry Rudy, but looking henpecked is no way to out-macho Hillary.
Let me put it this way: Can you imagine George Dubya taking a call from Laura in the middle of a press conference or during his State of the Union Address? Of course not! (From Mommy Barb maybe, but that topic’s way above my pay grade.)
Speaking of President Bush, if you’re anywhere near him, I must advise you to duck: The guy has a thing for fondling bald pates. And yes — that’s rude too.
Bye for now, Rudy. But if you (or your scary wife Judi) have any more etiquette questions, Miss Madness is here for you.
Sincerely,
Miss Madness
P.S. I practice divorce law too.
(For more Rudy cell phone rudeness humor, visit Don Davis at Satirical Political.) [tags]Rudy Giuliani Rudeness, Cell Phone Etiquette, Rudy & Judi, NRA Speech, Rudy V. Hillary, Henpecked Humor, Presidential Campaign, Election Satire,[/tags]
Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Etiquette Humor, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, New York Mayors, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani | 9 Comments »
Thursday, September 20th, 2007
I don’t mean to cast aspersions on short people. (I’m only five foot zero myself.) But I have a totally unsubstantiated theory, and here it is: Republican politicians are, on average, shorter than Democratic politicians. (Can you think of a better explanation for the over-compensating machismo and braggadocio that run rampant throughout the Republican party?)
Case in point: Rudy “Bald Ego” Giuliani, who out-did himself Wednesday during his European tour:
LONDON – Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani bragged about his international celebrity Wednesday on a trans-Atlantic campaign trip in which he schmoozed with conservative idol Margaret Thatcher.
“I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world,” Giuliani told a small group of reporters at a posh London hotel as onlookers gathered in the lobby to gawk at actor Dustin Hoffman who was on a separate visit.
And that leads me to my latest haiku:
The Rudy Complex
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Giuliani brags
About how famous he is.
Like Napoleon?
So who’s ready to fund my “Are Republicans Shorter Than Democrats” study? Nobody? How about my “Are Republicans Balder Than Democrats” study? [tags]GOP Braggart, Mayor Rudy Guiliani, Overcompensation, Republican Humor, Height, Macho Politicians[/tags]
Posted in Appearance Humor, GOP Humor, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani | 2 Comments »
Monday, September 17th, 2007
In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President
, former Mexican President Vicente Fox had this to say about George W. Bush:
The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.
I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear. [tags]Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope[/tags]
Posted in Appearance Humor, Books, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, Mexico Humor, Mission Accomplished, Political Books, White House | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 16th, 2007
Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration’s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. What a shame that the brilliant Greenspan was never in a position to do something it about it and maybe even prevent it.
Oh … wait. Never mind!
So are you planning to run out and buy Greenspan’s self-serving, history-rewriting The Age of Turbulence? There’s really no need to, because I’ve summed up the former Federal Reserve Chairman’s new book in a single haiku:
Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Panning fiscal acts
He once endorsed, Greenspan feigns
Bystander status. [tags]Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, Political Memoirs, Fiscal Discipline, Bush Administration, The Age Of Turbulence, Budget Deficits, Self-serving Memoir, Innocent Bystander, U.S. Budget Humor[/tags]
Posted in Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve, Fiscal Policy, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, News Haiku & Senryu, Political Books, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Tax & Budget Humor, White House | 13 Comments »
Monday, August 27th, 2007
Poor Alberto Gonzales! During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job — protect George Bush. And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth. Consequently, this George Bush line, made during the Gonzales resignation announcement, made me laugh out loud:
It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Al Gonzales is impeded from doing good work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons.
Of course, the obvious question is “What good name?” But putting that aside, Bush fails to mention the provenance of all that mud. This haiku should explain it:
Dub’s dirty secrets
Created the “mud” Bush claims
Gonzales dragged through.
(You can find more of my Alberto Gonzales humor and poems here.)[tags]Alberto Gonzales, Resignation, Al Gonzales Good Name, Congressional Hearings, Gonzales Verse, Gonzales Poetry, Gonzales Haiku, Gonzales Lies, Gonzales Amnesia[/tags]
Posted in Alberto Gonzales, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House | 2 Comments »
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies? Apparently not. Sure, they eventually quit. But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit.
Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”
And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.
I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick:
Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy [tags]Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies[/tags]
Posted in Ari Fleischer, Foreign Policy, Freedom's Watch, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, Karen Hughes, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House | 2 Comments »
Sunday, August 19th, 2007
I wasn’t surprised to hear that Tony Snow plans to leave his Bush spokesperson gig when his “money runs out,” and possibly as early as September.
In fact, the only thing that surprised me was that he came back to his White House job at all after his latest bout with cancer. I can’t imagine anyone with a life-threatening illness wanting to spend what could possibly be his last years or even months being a Bush patsy on a government salary. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Yet Another Snow Job?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush spokesman, ex-Foxer named Snow
Is quite ill and is planning to go.
Must be stressful to lie
Ev’ry day for that guy.
Why not do it for big network dough? [tags]Tony Snow, White House Spokesman, Bush Spokesman, Snow Resignation, Fox Cable News[/tags]
Posted in George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Tony Snow, White House | 5 Comments »
Friday, August 17th, 2007
Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?
Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress? A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time?
Hahahahaha!
Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:
Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.
And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.
So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report? Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:
{democracy:9}
(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)[tags]General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll[/tags]
Posted in Foreign Policy, General Petraeus, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, Politics Satire, Polls, Republicans Humor, White House | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
Okay, so Karl Rove has resigned to spend more time with his family. Yeah … right. This calls for a poll, don’t you think?
{democracy:8}
(My Bush impeachment poll is still open for business, and you can find my Bush’s Brain limerick here..) [tags]Karl Rove’s Resignation, Bush’s Brain Resigns, Polls, Polling, Humor[/tags]
Posted in George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Karl Rove, Politics Satire, Polls, Republicans Humor, White House | 4 Comments »
Thursday, August 9th, 2007
According to Americablog, CNN’s Ed Henry has reported that Bush now has a spanking new (and personal) press briefing room podium.
I guess the podium used by Tony Snow and Dana Perino must have cooties. Or perhaps they’re hiding some sort of electronic “dictate the answers to Bush” equipment inside his personal podium. On the other hand, this just might be Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.
Bush on his podium
Fills me with odium.
Pass the Imodium. [tags]Bush Podium, Bush Press Conferences, Cheney Undisclosed Location, Tony Snow, Dana Perino[/tags]
Posted in Dick Cheney Satire, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Press Conferences, Republicans Humor, Tony Snow, White House | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, July 24th, 2007
Alberto Gonzales is but one of the Bushie liars and Bush enablers whose Congressional hearing testimony can be summarized by this limerick:
Every Bushie’s Testimony Summed Up In A Single Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Don’t recall, don’t remember, can’t say
What I did or I said on that day.
But I happily swear
On the life of ma mère,
I did nothing that’s wrongful. No way!”
(You can find more of my Gonzales satire here, my legal humor here, and my limericks and other satirical verse here.)
UPDATE: Don’t forget to vote in my Bush Impeachment Poll! [tags]Bushies, Liars, Congressional Testimony, Senate Testimony, House Testimony, Senate Hearings, House Hearings, Deposition Humor, Subpoena Satire, Bush Cheney Administration, Bush Enablers, Convenient Memory, Alberto Gonzales, Gonzo, Liars[/tags]
Posted in Alberto Gonzales, Congress Humor, Corruption Humor, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, House Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire, White House | 3 Comments »
Saturday, July 21st, 2007
Requisite Bush colonoscopy snark:
Dick Cheney’s in charge
While George Bush is unconscious.
How’s this day different…?
(You can find more of my news haiku here.) [tags]President Bush, VP Cheney, Bush Colonoscopy, Bush Snark, Politics Haiku [/tags]
Posted in Dick Cheney Satire, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Health Satire, News Haiku & Senryu, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?
Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.
Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.
Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette. Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:
The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.
With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”
Oh…
Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy.
(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)[tags]Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees[/tags]
Posted in Congress Humor, Constitution Humor, Filibuster Humor, Foreign Policy, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, Legislation Humor, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire, Song Parodies, Trent Lott, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
Dan Froomkin isn’t surprised that “confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message.” Froomkin pithily sums it all up:
Enter the new White House talking point: You want out? We want out, too!
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush’s party has grown rather sick
Of the war in Iraq spawned by Dick,
Cause Election ’08
Looms and threatens their fate,
And Rove platitudes won’t end it quick.
(You can find more of my antiwar humor here.) [tags]Bush War, Iraq War, Antiwar Sentiment, Revolting Republicans, Election 08, Defecting GOP Lawmakers[/tags]
Posted in Congress Humor, Election Satire, Foreign Policy, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, House Satire, Iraq War Humor, Karl Rove, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire, White House | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
I can almost hear that promise Bush and Cheney surely made to Scooter Libby way back when:
Tell no tales,
And you won’t go to jail.
Scooter came through with flying (and lying) colors and has now gotten his unjust deserts:
Bush obstructs justice,
Rewarding Scooter’s silence:
Prison-free pay-off.
(You can find more legal and lawyer humor and satire here and more news and political haiku here.) [tags]Scooter Libby, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Commutation, Commuted Sentence, Bush Obstructs Justice, President Bush, VP Cheney, Cover Up, Valerie Plame[/tags]
Posted in Dick Cheney Satire, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Law Satire, Libby Humor, News Haiku & Senryu, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy. And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.
But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit. For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:
The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief. [tags]Rudy Giuliani, Security President, ISG, Iraq Study Group, Newsday, New York City, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, Free Speech, Security Candidate, Greedy Windbag, Lucrative Speeches[/tags]
Posted in Election Satire, Foreign Policy, Free Speech, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, New York Mayors, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Rudy Giuliani, White House | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
I wonder if President Bush was as surprised as the rest of us at learning that his VEEP isn’t part of the Executive Branch. Yup, Bush’s Lord and Master Dick Cheney has declared his office to be exempt from all sorts of pesky legal Executive Branch requirements because — presto chango — it isn’t part of the Executive Branch. Needless to say, Henry Waxman and the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee aren’t pleased with Cheney’s out-of-the-box Constitution-plundering assertion.
Just one question: If VEEP Cheney isn’t part of the Executive Branch, does that mean he’s waived his right to claim Executive Privilege? Just wondering.
(You can find more of my legal and lawyer humor and satire here.)
[tags]Dick Cheney, Vice President Richard Cheney, Executive Privilege, Executive Branch, Chairman Waxman, House Oversight And Government Reform Committee, Constitutional Crisis, George Bush, Satire[/tags]
Posted in Constitution Humor, Constitutional Crisis, Democracy Humor, Dick Cheney Satire, GOP Humor, Henry Waxman, House Satire, Law Satire, Politics Satire, White House | 1 Comment »
