Posts Tagged ‘Mother Humor’

Secret Shopper

Tuesday, October 17th, 2006

“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”

My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.

She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)

Parental Proposal

Monday, August 14th, 2006

The “help wanted” pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can’t quite figure out what it is their children do for a living. And it can lead to parental queries like this one from my mother-in-law to my husband Mark:

“Tell me exactly what your job is. Go slowly. I have to write it down.”

Mark hadn’t switched employers or secured a promotion; he’s been doing essentially the same work for ten years. So why the sudden curiosity? Because his parents recently attended a wedding packed with inquisitive relatives. Relatives who appeared to be more interested in Mark’s career than they were in the bride and groom. …

Parental Proposal is continued here.)

A Poodle Tale

Friday, August 11th, 2006

I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are “in” these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents.

My mom and dad bought a toy poodle nearly a decade ago and, almost immediately, my mother took to her knitting. Multi-colored dog coats. Stylish woolen sweaters. Pixie the poodle dressed better than I do.

I wasn’t worried, at first. I just assumed that my mother’s knitting was part of a plot to garner grandchildren. Her unspoken message? “If you and your brother don’t give me a reason to knit booties, I’ll simply knit doggy-wear instead. … (A Poodle Tale is continued here.)