UPDATE: Due to a family health situation, I have to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. The new deadline for entries is February 9 at 10 pm. (Eastern Time) — Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, Or EXPLAIN at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LIGHTING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LIGHTING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 10, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 9, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

When a girl told her mom she was bored,
Her mother grew angry and roared:
“How dare you COMPLAIN!
Can’t you see I’m in pain?
Go play house, or I’m cutting the cord.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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247 Responses to “UPDATE: Due to a family health situation, I have to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. The new deadline for entries is February 9 at 10 pm. (Eastern Time) — Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, Or EXPLAIN at the end of any one line”

  1. Fred Bortz says:

    Dear World, we would like to explain
    That our country has not gone insane.
    An electoral glitch
    Put that sonofabitch
    Where we hope he will not long remain.

  2. P Diane Schneider says:

    To go to a war zone she’s fain
    But made preparations in vain
    Encouraging troops
    Is off the list. Oops!
    So Nancy, just get off the plane

  3. P Diane Schneider says:

    Strong sunlight can kill many germs
    (And lead to employ legal firms)
    Cause all that he said
    And rumors he fed
    Could mean that he won’t get two terms

  4. Fred Bortz says:

    My British friend wants to explain
    That Brexit would just be insane.
    But still, it’s in play,
    And he blames Mrs. May,
    Not his pals, who all voted Remain.

  5. Fred Bortz says:

    Please replace earlier version with bad B-rhyme. NOOOOO, I DIDN’T FIX IT

    Our lightbulbs were once incandescent,
    And then they were compact fluorescent.
    Now everyone speeds
    To buy LEDs.
    These changes are truly incessant.

  6. Fred Bortz says:

    Rhyme fixed, at last!

    Our lightbulbs were once incandescent,
    And then they were compact fluorescent.
    Are now who agrees
    To buy all LEDs?
    These changes are truly incessant.

  7. Amazzing says:

    If you’re a deplorable and go out to eat,
    At the restaurant many of those elite will meet,
    They will call you many a bad name,
    Their behavior on you they will blame,
    Without verbalizing their hatred they feel incomplete.

    Walking away they feel holier than thou;
    The country should know what the diner is now?
    They thrive on disdain,
    They act inhumane,
    Their behavior compares at best to a sow.
    *****
    From Mad Kane: Unless I’m missing something, you haven’t used either the rhyme word or the theme.

  8. The Donald is proud to explain
    Why Nancy can’t fly on his plane
    While Melania soars
    To cavil with boors:
    “It’s clearly because I’m insane!”

  9. Tony Holmes says:

    Politicians? Why do we deride?
    As a job lot, they’re bent and they’re snide.
    First, we vote, then complain,
    Do it over again,
    And seem always surprised that they lied.

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s a combatant’s right to complain,
    All that drilling and marching’s a strain.
    If a soldier cain’t bitch –
    Have a moan, scratch an itch –
    Then the whole gosh-danged show’s down the drain.”

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    “Drunk again?” is her constant refrain.
    She derides all attempts to explain.
    It were better, I think,
    To foreswear further drink,
    Than to suffer that woman’s disdain.

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    “There were bugs in me bedroom in Spain,
    And foul odours would waft from the drain;
    But the booze were dead cheap;
    I’d get drunk, then I’d sleep,
    So, I couldn’t be arsed to complain.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald was heard to complain:
    “It’s fake news that I haven’t a brain!
    I’ve got one in a jar
    That belonged to my Ma –
    It may still come in handy again.”

  14. Regina Elliott says:

    I really don’t want to fuss and complain
    But, political landscape is insane
    Both parties fail to agree
    Gridlock we didn’t foresee
    Trump endlessly has Twitter on his brain !

  15. Regina Elliott says:

    In our doublewide it’s quite exciting
    Our resident ghosts mess with the lighting
    Spirits making lights flicker
    Then, they hide the good liquor
    Cost of replacing bulbs is frightening !

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    His obsession with walls is insane;
    His advisers should try to explain
    That a wall won’t keep out
    Any Mexican lout
    With a ladder, a boat, or a plane.

  17. Amazzing says:

    I misread – My apologies.

    If you’re a deplorable and go out to eat,
    At the restaurant many of those elite will meet,
    Their verbal goal will be to complain,
    Their behavior on you they will blame
    Without verbalizing their hatred they feel incomplete.

    Walking away they feel holier than thou;
    The country should know what the diner is now?
    They thrive on disdain,
    Which they won’t explain,
    Their behavior compares at best to a sow.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    The girl was too shy to complain
    When the Donald said “Blow me again!”
    But she sucked him too hard,
    And the great tub of lard
    Cried “Oh, darn it, you swallowed my brain!”

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    Says Trump. “What’s that light in the sky?
    It’s too bright, and I’m starting to fry.”
    “It’s the sun”, they explain.
    “That’s a lie! I maintain
    That my son is no brighter than I.”

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    According to logophiles, the lyrics: “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain are incorrect! So:

    “My Fair Lady”
    The mistakes in this well-known refrain
    Are expressions that shouldn’t remain!
    The words “in” and “stays”
    Form an incorrect phrase
    Cause the rain in Spain FALLS ON the plain!

  21. Gina Buselli says:

    Fran is a dame from a small town
    Whose sense of a thrill draws a frown
    She won’t ride a train
    Or fly on a plane
    She says they either crash or come down

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    The lighting on Trump’s never right
    Due to sunlight that’s ever so bright
    Thus, the techs should arrange
    A refreshing new change
    And have him speak only at night.

  23. John Shardlow says:

    The vet should be struck off, it’s plain
    They said sex with the sheep was to blame
    But it wasn’t just Ovine
    And the occasional Bovine
    He’d been treating the pigs just the same

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Mrs. Whine, you’ve a very bad sprain
    Here’s a pill that will take away pain”
    “I’m sure doc, it’s great
    But to be very straight:
    I’d rather go home and complain”

  25. Amazzing says:

    Such behavior is truly a shame,
    This shouldn’t be hard to explain,
    He says it is mutual,
    And not that unusual,
    But even his horse did complain.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    Changing a light-bulb

    The bulb needed changing. They tried,
    Bat a hundred Republicans died.
    Though the science ain’t rocket,
    They all licked the socket,
    And ended up thoroughly fried.

  27. Jean McEwen says:

    Stop mansplaining! Deign to refrain
    From acting as if I’ve no brain.
    You don’t need to explain
    To me why I refrain
    From revering you. (HINT: ‘Cause you’re vain.)

  28. Jean McEwen says:

    Thank goodness this room’s dimly lit
    So my boyfriend can’t quite see the zit
    On the tip of my nose
    That through makeup still shows.
    (If he saw it, then surely he’d split.)

  29. Judith H. Block says:

    We all have a right to complain,
    We’re treated with scorn and disdain.
    Those in power just scoff,
    The pussy grabber gets off.
    Please don’t condescend and mansplain.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ms. Monica noticed a stain
    To the world this gal sure did complain
    But compared to Pres. Bill
    Mr. Trump wins “Hot Thrill”
    And was crowned for his “50 Year Reign”

  31. Fred Bortz says:

    The spotlights illumine the stage
    Where the despot will soon stand and rage.
    But the nation takes note,
    And soon we will vote
    That the time’s come to turn a new page.

  32. Judith H. Block says:

    No matter, we give facts and explain,
    Trump’s supporters react with disdain.
    They scorn truths and choose
    To call it fake news
    A position they love to maintain.

  33. Amazzing says:

    A subway rider who’s English not Scotch,
    Has thrown bleach on many a man’s crotch,
    “For England” she did explain,
    “Of man-spread,” I do complain,
    “For women’s leg room I’ll continue to watch.”

  34. Sharon Neeman says:

    What a marvelous thing is a dimmer!
    On the days I feel older and grimmer,
    I just turn it down low,
    Make my wrinkles all go,
    And look younger and slimmer and trimmer.

    If there’s something to mend, fix or tie,
    I can just turn the dimmer up high
    And produce enough light
    To set anything right
    And ensure I’ll get by if I try.

    Yes, the dimmer is grand altogether,
    For both higher light levels and nether –
    But I’d be more content
    If kind souls would invent
    Me a dimmer to tether the weather.

  35. Sharon Neeman says:

    Though the limerick’s meter is plain
    And the rhyming’s a bit of a strain,
    We write more every week –
    For the prize that we seek
    Is the smile on the face of Mad Kane!

  36. Sharon Neeman says:

    We are seeing the 30th day
    That “essentials” must work without pay –
    But they shouldn’t complain:
    They’ve a heart and a brain
    (Not like Cheat-O, who screwed them that way).

  37. John Shardlow says:

    More Cockney rhyming slang. ‘jacksie’, Jack + Danny = fanny

    Some doctors hear patients complain
    After inflicting on themselves their own pain
    One came in a taxi
    With a Pole up his jacksie
    Or was he Ukranian, or possibly a Dane?

  38. John Shardlow says:

    I’m sorry, I came on the train
    On my pants the stain is quite plain
    After leaving each station
    There’s e-jaculation
    Oh bugger, it’s happened again!

  39. Tony Holmes says:

    A Response to John Shardlow’s ‘Vet’ Limerick, above.

    That seems harsh. Couldn’t someone explain
    That a vet can’t from lovin’ abstain?
    If he could but confine
    His affections to swine,
    And from cattle and sheep now refrain?

  40. Tony Holmes says:

    A Fuller Response:

    Bedside Manner: A Personal Approach

    That seems harsh. Couldn’t someone explain
    That a vet can’t from lovin’ abstain?
    If he could but confine
    His affections to swine,
    And from cattle and sheep now refrain?

    And besides, he may be empathetic,
    Or’s run short of the right anaesthetic.
    Is it our place to judge?
    Or, indeed, to begrudge?
    Shouldn’t we, perhaps, be sympathetic?

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    Bedside Manner: A Personal Approach

    That seems harsh. Couldn’t someone explain
    That a vet can’t from lovin’ abstain?
    If he could but confine
    His affections to swine,
    And from cattle and sheep now refrain?

    And besides, he may be empathetic,
    Or’s run short of the right anaesthetic.
    Is it our place to judge?
    Or, indeed, to begrudge?
    Shouldn’t we, perhaps, be sympathetic?

    It’s traditional – out on the moors,
    Where, for shepherds, a shortage of whores,
    Meant the long, lonely nights,
    Lacked those carnal delights
    Which were taken for granted indoors.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    LIGHTING THEME

    “Senior” ladies still feel that warm spark
    And while taking a stroll in the park
    You could meet the right man
    And then have a lewd plan
    But make sure you get bonked in the dark.

  43. madkane says:

    MESSAGE to EVERYONE about a COMMON RHYMING ERROR:

    Do NOT Try to Rhyme the Alternative Rhyme Words With Each Other. Rhyme-wise they are effectively the same word because they sound the same.

    For example, trying to rhyme PLAIN with COMPLAIN Or PLANE with EXPLAIN would be no better than trying to rhyme PLANE with PLANE.

    If you have any questions about this, feel free to email me. Thanks!

  44. Judith H. Block says:

    It was a dark, and quite cold, stormy night.
    Trump waits for notions, like lightning to strike.
    Then much to collective dread,
    An idea comes to his head.
    This is how another crisis takes flight!

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fixing Grammatical Errors in a Previous limerick: Lighting Theme

    “Senior” ladies still feel that warm spark
    And while taking a stroll in the park
    They might meet the right man
    Then have a lewd plan
    And make sure they get bonked in the dark.

  46. Brian Allgar says:

    The model complained of the the lighting.
    “My boobs look so small, uninviting.”
    Though they couldn’t pretend
    They were big, in the end
    Photoshop made them much more exciting.

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    May I fan Lisi’s spark?

    “I should like to know, where is this park
    Where said grannies disport after dark?
    I’ve got tinder and fan,
    And you have a lewd plan;
    We could start a great blaze with your spark?”

  48. David Reddekopp says:

    I’m a pessimist, let me explain
    So I don’t have to say it again
    In the tunnel, my friend
    Is a light at the end –
    Which belongs to an oncoming train.

  49. Valerie Fish says:

    Those folk who voted to remain
    May think they have cause to complain
    It’s now a right mess
    But nevertheless
    We simply just can’t vote again

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    While flying to beautiful Spain
    At first it just started to rain
    But then we crash landed
    So scared and so stranded
    And heard cries of “Dee Plane” and “Dee Plane”

  51. Judith H. Block says:

    The cafe had soft candle lighting,
    Her smile was come-hither, inviting.
    But her throat got a lump
    When he praised Donald Trump.
    They ended up angry and fighting.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Back To Spain”

    While flying to beautiful Spain
    We thought it just started to rain
    But the buzz of alarms
    Clanging, “Please Flap Your Arms!”
    Made us think that this ain’t a good plane.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Gotta Get To Spain”

    While flying to beautiful Spain
    We noticed it started to rain
    So then we got wet
    Due to holes in the jet
    Joe and I always fly “No-Frills Plane”

  54. Judith H. Block says:

    Final version –
    It seems that some guys need enlightening,
    Their view is dismaying- needs brightening.
    Beauty comes in all sizes,
    They’re in for surprises,
    Small gals can give pleasure quite heightening.

  55. Tony Holmes says:

    For Judith in the hope that it might banish her dismay.

    Dear Ms Block, take my hat off to you;
    What you say is assuredly true.
    For myself, I seek eyes
    That betoken surprise.
    May your light shine most brightly! Adieu.

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    There are some, when they come to complain,
    Who cannot get it into their brain,
    That there’s no need to pout,
    Rant and rave, scream or shout;
    Best approach is serene and urbane.

  57. Tony Holmes says:

    Response to Lisi, improved.

    “I should like to know, where is this park (Me To Lisi)
    Where said grannies disport after dark?
    I’ve got tinder and fan,
    And you have a lewd plan;
    What a blaze could be fanned from your spark!”

  58. Valerie Fish says:

    The wife’s nagging’s driving me insane
    Yesterday she was at it again
    But there’s one thing for sure
    Now she’s dead on the floor
    That’s the last time she’ll ever complain

  59. Tony Holmes says:

    Is this a rule bender? ‘Complaint’ is a different sound.

    As a rule, I’m the soul of restraint,
    With the patience and calm of a saint.
    Please! No need to explain;
    Just don’t do it again,
    Or I might give you cause for complaint.

  60. Tony Holmes says:

    Responding to Valerie’s domestic drama.

    A tad drastic, Sir, wouldn’t you say?
    Then again, she was nagging. Fair play.
    But, please, could you explain
    Why the rope and the chain:
    But for that you’d have got clean away.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lighting Theme

    Johnny took me to “Get In The Mood”
    (A restaurant, very subdued)
    We sat by the fire
    Just burned with desire
    As the bugs swam around in our food

  62. Tony Holmes says:

    That’s better.

    “A tad drastic, Sir, wouldn’t you say?”
    ‘As I said, she was nagging.’ “Fair play:
    But that doesn’t explain
    Knife, gun, poison and chain:
    But for that you’d have got clean away.”

  63. Judith H. Block says:

    Tony Holmes, why thank you, kind sir!
    Unexpected. My mind’s all a blur.
    So insightful and wise
    To read what’s in our eyes.
    Hope others rethink and concur.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    In response to Tony

    Mr. Tony, just let me explain
    This park is called “Aged Love Lane”
    It’s just down the road
    Right near my abode
    I’m the one with the walker and cane

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Delancey Street, New York, 1929

    They fought against sorrow and pain
    And “hope” was their way to sustain
    At the “drug store” they sat
    It felt good to chat
    Then they ordered a cool “two cents plain”

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: In my response to Tony:
    line 3 should not be “It’s right down the road”
    It should be “It’s just down the road”
    Could you change that for me
    Thank You
    Lisi
    *****
    Done.

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    For Mistress Block.

    Ah, Ms Block! Did not Solomon vow,
    He’d found wisdom in one in one thou’?
    Size and shape will misguide,
    And the light that’s inside,
    Won’t appear to too many, I trow.

    But it’s right that you hold hard to hope;
    Better that than surrender and mope.
    Your campaign, now begun,
    To prove small dames are fun,
    Should provide you with plenty of scope.

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    For Mistress Lisi.

    Mr Tony, just let me explain
    This park is called “Aged Love lane”.
    It’s just down the road
    Right near my abode
    I’m the one with the stroller and cane.

    I am wondering Lis’, is that code?

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, Pilot Error.

    Oh, Dear Lisi, no need to explain.
    I am all too aware of the strain.
    But with tonic and balm –
    And long periods of calm
    We can minimise damage and pain.

    But I’m wondering Lis’, is that code?
    Are you teasing and hoping to goad?
    When I’m looking for signs,
    Should I read twixt the lines?
    And for stroller and cane, infer N.O.D.E.?
    (Naughty Older Dame, Enticing)

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    Or, perhaps?

    Oh, Dear Lisi, no need to explain.
    I am all too aware of the strain.
    But with tonic and balm –
    And long periods of calm
    We can minimise damage and pain.

    But I’m wondering Lis’, is that code?
    Are you teasing and hoping to goad?
    When I’m looking for signs,
    Should I read twixt the lines?
    And for stroller and cane, infer B.O.D.E.?
    (Bold Older Dame: Enticing)

  71. Judith H. Block says:

    For Tony Holmes..

    I really don’t need to explain,
    I surely have nothing to gain.
    I’ve no need to convince,
    By the way- you’re a prince!
    These fool guys are just a royal pain.

    PLEASE join FaceBook, Tony! We can all more easily have this fun limerick exchange there.
    I think Madeleine would probably prefer her blog be limited to Limerick-Off entries. LOL
    *****
    From Mad Kane. I’m very happy to have Repartee limericks posted in both my blog and on Facebook. However, it’s very true that communication between participants is definitely much easier on Facebook. So if Tony’s inclined to join our Facebook Limerick-Off group, he’d of course be more than welcome there.

  72. Judith H. Block says:

    But….

    That guy’s limerick had made me complain,
    His cruel comments had caused hurt and pain,
    I had thought he was wise,
    His sexist view, I despise.
    Hope he’ll see and become more humane.

  73. Tim Gray says:

    There was a woman called Joan
    Who felt she was never alone.
    Turned out she was schiz
    And one of six.
    Most lights on but nobody home.

  74. Tim Gray says:

    I am a guiding light
    In act; Redress the plight.
    We’re doing wrong
    For far too long,
    Now needs must put it right.

  75. Tim Gray says:

    Not, “Am I willing to be the change?”
    But “My life, I have rearranged.”
    My action today
    Helps light my way
    Though unfamiliar and strange.

  76. Tim Gray says:

    There was a young girl, very dowdy
    Who never ever would say howdy;
    Although she was plain
    And full of disdain
    She was noisy and very rowdy.

  77. Tim Gray says:

    Donald Trump in the main
    Is a narcissist, selfish and vain.
    His greatest fear
    Is there’s no one to cheer
    So he does it himself, that’s plain.

  78. Tim Gray says:

    On the Mayor’s car is his name.
    The reason is clearly quite plain.
    With your name on your car
    You know who you are,
    And cars, don’t they all look the same?

  79. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman always wants the last word,
    The whole thing is in fact quite absurd.
    I can’t really explain,
    ‘Cause it’s rather quite lame,
    She goes on and on, quite undeterred.

  80. There once was a nation in pain
    who had to hear Mike Pence explain
    how Trump, in his way,
    was just like MLK
    till the audience turned scatterbrain.

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    All these people are boarding this train
    For two weeks in the sunshine of Spain.
    What they haven’t been told
    Is it’s wet and it’s cold;
    But that’s oke as they like to complain.

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    For Judith, who may well revise her opinion of me, I fear. LOL!

    Dear Ms J, it has always been plain,
    But the point is worth making again;
    The last word is, “Yes, ma’am.”
    And belongs to the man.
    It has ever been so, I maintain.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    Two corpuscles, lovers in vein,
    Struggled on but succumbed to the strain.
    They were doomed from the start,
    Still they strove, heart to heart;
    And not once did they ever complain.

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    Careless of me.

    Two corpuscles who, lovers in vein,
    Struggled on but succumbed to the strain.
    They were doomed from the start,
    Still they strove, heart to heart;
    And not once did they ever complain.

  85. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    While walking at night on the plain
    With no lighting, she felt a sharp pain
    In the nape of her neck.
    “Ouch!” she cried. “What the heck?”
    It was Dracula feeding again.

  86. Brian Allgar says:

    What on earth do they mean by “mansplain”?
    I see it again and again,
    But I haven’t a clue.
    I shall ask my wife, Sue,
    To explain – she’s the one with the brain.

  87. Tony Holmes says:

    For Lisi.

    I have ‘Googled’ this ‘Aged Love Lane’
    And it seems I can get there by plane.
    At Heathrow I embark,
    Next stop, ‘Lisi N’s Park’,
    I look forward to coming again.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    This restaurant looked rather frightful
    (I hoped that my date wasn’t spiteful)
    The lights were so dim
    Made this joint seem so grim
    Surprise! All the food was deLIGHTful!

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    When his buildings collapsed overnight,
    All an architect’s crimes came to light.
    He escaped to Stonehenge,
    Where he plotted revenge
    On the rival who shopped him for spite.

  90. Jane Hoffman says:

    The bathroom light didn’t work
    She didn’t see her husband, Dirk.
    She sat down to pee
    And heard him yell, “Whee!
    Is this some new sexual quirk?”

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you turn on the lights we”ll be caught!!
    Gotta steal all the jewels she bought!
    “What I recommend
    Is a flashlight, my friend”
    “Gee, John, that’s a very BRIGHT thought”

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sweet, Noah, I never complain
    So please do not think I’m a pain
    On this 40 day cruise
    I just don’t want the blues
    So, my darling, please pray it won’t rain.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    This one is better

    Sweetie Noah, I never complain
    And please do not think I’m a pain
    For our 40 day cruise
    I just don’t want the blues
    So my darling, please pray it won’t rain.

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    Your honor, please let me explain
    The moment I failed to refrain
    From punching that jerk
    With a dumb, little smirk
    And MAGA hat hiding his brain.

  95. Judith H. Block says:

    Mansplaining Explained

    At a forum a guy tried to mansplain,
    Assuming, as a male, the great brain.
    With elan described the flight;
    She’d designed the satellite!
    His data wasn’t even germane.

  96. Valerie Fish says:

    He’d gone all out to set the right mood
    Soft music, and the lighting subdued
    But it all went to pot
    The chilli far too hot
    Several trips to the toilet ensued

  97. Valerie Fish says:

    The mood was set, the lights turned down low
    With candles giving off a warm glow
    All to no avail
    ‘Twas an epic fail
    At the sight of his tool she cried ‘No!’

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    For all of us oldies but goodies: Kingston Trio, “M.T.A”(song about a train)
    synopsis: On a tragic and fateful day, Charlie got on the M.T.A.
    He never returned and his fate was unlearned.

    Now for my limerick: “Why Charlie didn’t return”
    “Name’s Charlie; I stepped on a train
    My story’s not hard to explain:
    I never returned
    Cuz my wife I have spurned
    Just can’t look at that face. She’s a pain”

  99. Tim Gray says:

    I got a note, “Please Explain”,
    When I was terribly late again.
    Though I leave really early,
    All the guards are so surly,
    I keep saying, “Hmm. The next train!”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Dumb School” we never complain
    We know that there’s nothin’ to gain
    Like our “Basketball Bout”
    That we just did without
    Cuz we cancelled it due to the rain.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mona Lisa was just a real pain
    I thought that I’d break from the strain!
    I said, “Mona, SMILE!”
    But all of the while
    All she did was complain and complain.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here at “Grub Chow” the lighting’s subdued
    My plan was just so very shrewd!
    Patrons sit in the dark
    Never make a remark
    And they can’t see the bugs in their food

  103. John Shardlow says:

    Howard Hughes built Spruce Goose, the plane
    He filmed Russell in ‘The Outlaw’, that’s Jane
    What drove men demented
    Was the bra he invented
    ‘Coz they all had tits on the brain

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    First grade homework is really a pain!
    Didn’t do it. I had to explain:
    “My pencil was haunted
    It made me so daunted
    That I drank 3 full jugs of champagne”

  105. Amazzing says:

    Covington students visited the National Mall,
    MAGA hats were worn by some, but not all,
    About a confrontation of disdain,
    News did report but not explain,
    And a student the media did choose to blackball.

    He hassled an elderly Native American vet,
    With a face to face picture showing they met,
    What appeared plain,
    Was truly feign,
    Beating a traditional drum was the Elder, you bet.

    Beating a drum in a young teen’s face,
    By anyone would be a disgrace,
    The lad did not complain,
    But with a smile he did maintain-
    his ground without fear- no, not a trace.

    The media had to go nuts,
    Calling the MAGA teens sluts,
    racists, bigots, inhumane.
    Their chosen side quite plain,
    Ignoring the teen standing his ground took guts.

    A legislator said MAGA caps should be outlawed,
    But for “Hope and Change” shirts one should applaud,
    Cell phone cameras did explain,
    What happened was a stain-
    on the protesters, and we should all be appalled.

    For a bus the teens were just waiting,
    The Native Elder vet did the baiting,
    About phone cameras we could complain,
    But they told the whole story one time again,
    Of the teens, it was the protesters berating.

    Viewing the full video it showed,
    The seeds of hate the drum beater sowed,
    Then it was very plain,
    In the ass, he was the pain,
    To the teen in a cap a media apology is owed.

    The high school was closed on the Monday next,
    Threats of harm and death were not a pretext,
    Such hatred is a societal pain,
    But there is no video to help explain,
    About such a confrontation left many perplexed.

    BUT then, the usual Trump bashers who spoke out,
    That the teen was the hater without a doubt,
    Like safety in a plane,
    The video did explain,
    This is the narrative the media did spout.

    Now I can predict in all candor,
    Some follow-up limericks to the media will pander,
    Don’t want to cause pain,
    Of further comments won’t complain,
    Recall the old saying about the goose and the gander.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think that this pilot’s insane!
    So I gave him a look of disdain!
    He sat next to me
    And thus, I could see
    That his cell phone was flying the plane

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Old Biddy” the lighting’s just right
    It’s dark all the day and the night
    With our mirrors removed
    We sure have improved
    And now we’re a ravishing sight.

  108. Kirk Miller says:

    Accused men have been viewed with disdain
    By some women who loudly complain
    They were fondled a lot.
    On the men it’s a blot,
    And they’re groping for ways to explain.

  109. Kirk Miller says:

    At the bar was a blackout severe,
    Caused the lighting to all disappear.
    In my seat I stayed.
    I was not afraid
    And was glad that I had a light beer.

  110. Sharon Neeman says:

    Kipling

    Kipling, pre-World War I, did explain
    How “you never get rid of the Dane;”
    Trump wants cash for his wall
    Or the US will fall —
    It’s the same thing all over again.

  111. Tim James says:

    A couple got onto a plane;
    Airborne nookie they yearned to attain.
    Neither one had a clue
    How to screw in a loo.
    So they winged it, to mutual gain.

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    When Santa bent over in pain
    The doctor went on to explain:
    “The x-ray we saw
    Showed your back has a flaw
    Inside there’s a large candy cane”

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    This one is better

    When Santa bent over in pain
    The doctor went on to explain:
    “It seems that your spine
    Is way out of line
    Cause inside, there’s a large candy cane”

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    My daddy sure has a good brain!
    It was Christmas and let me explain:
    We all felt relief
    When he strangled a thief
    With a yummy and large candy cane

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    A rosebud smells sweet, (that is plain)
    Its fragrance will soothe any pain
    But nobody knew
    And there just was no clue
    Of its meaning to Citizen Kane.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s really no need to explain
    How my “sweetie pie” drives me insane
    But, let’s face it with “age”
    John’s now at that stage
    Where in bed I get poked with his cane

  117. Tim Gray says:

    I was knitting, pearl and then plain
    As the guillotine came down again
    Shouted Robespierre
    From way over there,
    “It stuck, well do him again.”

    Marie Antoinette looking plain
    Was next, full of disdain.
    “Let then eat bread,”
    Was all that she said,
    Only a few now remain.

    Fast forward about a year
    In the cart is Robespierre,
    “Please let me explain,
    I’ve people to name,
    I beg you, just free me from here.”

  118. Tim Gray says:

    Listen and I’ll slowly explain
    Why as POTUS I shall remain.
    They’d all like to believe
    That I just deceive…
    I do! To confuse their small brain.

  119. Dave Johnson says:

    Trump’s shutdown is all about him
    Kowtowing to fright-wingers’ whim.
    Fed workers are stuck
    All because of this schmuck
    Whose bulb runs no brighter than dim.

  120. Tim James says:

    All was darkness. Then: “Let there be light!”
    Earth was formed, and the darkness took flight.
    If in light we’re created
    As Scripture has stated,
    Then why isn’t Man very bright?

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    We looked up at the sky: (Can’t be rain!)
    It went fast and our eyes felt a strain!
    Was it Superman? NO!
    Was it birds? (not in snow!)
    There it IS! Oh my GOD! It’s a PLANE!

  122. John Shardlow says:

    The old mad moth myth

    From the vet to the moth, “Please begone,
    A cure for your madness, I’ve none.
    Tonight, don’t you think
    You’re needing a shrink? “
    “I only came in ‘coz your light was on!”

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Air Force One”

    New rules that the Pres. must maintain!
    They’re not easy and might cause some pain:
    Do NOT breathe a word
    What you say is absurd
    And no tweeting allowed on the plane.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lord Henry The Eighth felt disdain
    For his minions who’d always complain!
    He chopped off their heads
    Then just tore them to shreds
    And refused to get out of the reign.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    She caught me!! I had to explain!
    I relied on my fabulous brain!
    “My back has those scrapes
    “Due to combat with apes
    I ran fast but just could not sustain!”

  126. Diane Groothuis says:

    I really just have to complain
    Colloquial speech gives me a pain
    To clean up your house
    Or to comfort your spouse
    But to me, the word “get” means obtain.

  127. Dave Johnson says:

    With agents and flashlights galore,
    Now Roger is part of the score.
    Since Mueller’s so near,
    Trump just might need to fear
    That 6 A.M. bang on the door.

  128. Sharon Neeman says:

    Trumpty Dumpty held out for a wall
    Till the airports proved Trumpty’s downfall.
    For five weeks, things looked grim;
    Now the spotlight’s on him,
    And we revel in watching him bawl.

  129. Diane Groothuis says:

    Said Nancy in speech most inviting
    “Your address must be put into writing”
    But Trumpty’s reply
    Was that “You may not fly
    As the airports have very poor lighting”.

  130. Sharon Neeman says:

    Not even Trump’s doc can explain
    How he lives with a lentil-sized brain,
    With no smarts and no sense.
    We don’t want him or Pence,
    And their loss would be Nancy’s great gain.

  131. Brian Allgar says:

    Well, Pelosi has won, it is plain.
    While Donald, the man with no brain,
    Is whining and fretting,
    It’s almost like getting
    A competent POTUS again.

  132. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Trump, “Could ya turn on the lights?
    It gets kinda creepy at nights.
    The shadows are big,
    And there’s some bloated pig
    At my desk. Jeez! It gives me the frights!”

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    I drove to Manhattan last night
    But my vision just didn’t seem right!
    Later on I felt fine
    Cuz I noticed a sign:
    “At The End Of This Tunnel Is Light”

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Nostalgia”

    In my twenties, I surely did swoon
    For my Jimmy; we both sang a tune:
    It goes something like this
    “Please give me a kiss
    And let’s dance by the light of the moon”

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    this is better (Nostalgia)

    In my twenties I surely did swoon
    For my Jimmy; he sang me a tune
    It goes something like this:
    “Please give me a kiss
    And we’ll dance by the light of the moon”

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “wifey” just had to complain!
    And tell me our sex life’s “in vain”
    I was hurt (fell asleep)
    Into bed she did creep
    (I think she was yankin’ my chain)

  137. Brian Allgar says:

    “Soft music, dim lighting, and you …
    You’re the love of my life. It is true,
    When I see you, I’m dazed”,
    Murmured Trump as he gazed
    In the mirror, his favourite view.

  138. Diane Groothuis says:

    If somebody turned up the light
    The Donald would get a big fright
    As when he makes faces
    It’s not “off to the races”
    He just isn’t seeing it right.

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    A change in a previous limerick: (better)

    A rosebud smells sweet in the rain
    Breathe it in and you just can’t complain
    But nobody knew
    And there wasn’t a clue
    Of its meaning to Citizen Kane

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    almost there:GOT IT !

    A rosebud smells sweet in the rain
    Breathe it in and you just can’t complain
    But there wasn’t a clue
    And nobody knew
    Of its meaning to Citizen Kane

  141. Brian Allgar says:

    The dominoes fall one by one;
    Pretty soon, they will topple the son.
    Then, the end of the chain,
    When the judges explain
    That the President’s first name is “Done”.

  142. Brian Allgar says:

    (A revised version of an earlier limerick, specially for Judith)

    The Donald complained of the lighting.
    “My dick looks so small, uninviting.”
    Though they couldn’t pretend
    It was big, in the end
    Photoshop made it look more exciting.

  143. John Shardlow says:

    After climaxing high in a plane
    My partner got sex on the brain
    She’s quite a gasper
    And just faking asthma
    To hide that she’s coming again

  144. Tim James says:

    Acrostic:

    It’s becoming increasingly plain:
    Donald Trump’s so-called “very good brain”
    Isn’t all it should be.
    On the contrary, he
    Tweets and rants like a man gone insane.

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our country (and this is real plain)
    Is on its way right down the drain
    The Donald and Pence
    Shall now be known hence:
    As America’s “Ache And The Pain”

  146. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a youngster, I wasn’t too bright
    The darkness just gave me a fright
    But now I must say
    With those bills I must pay
    I am really freaked out by the light.

  147. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Bruce Springsteen”

    I was blinded by really bright light
    I felt I was losing my sight!
    “Revved up like a deuce”
    What?? Those words ain’t got use!
    And I know they were written for spite.

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    I messed up line 4 in a previous limerick: It should be:

    Our country (and this is real plain)
    Is on its way right down the drain
    The Donald and Pence
    Shall be known now as hence:
    “America’s Ache and the Pain”

  149. Valerie Fish says:

    It’s a phobia I can’t explain
    The minute I set foot on a plane
    I scream and I shout
    ‘Let me out, let me out!’
    As aerophobia strikes again

  150. Dave Johnson says:

    When T-rump commenced with his fighting,
    Her answer was so uninviting.
    That blundering louse
    Learned the rules of her House:
    Pelosi can shut down the lighting.

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    New rules that we all must maintain!
    And some might just think it a pain
    Starting today
    All passengers may
    Not bring any luggage on plane.

  152. Tim Gray says:

    I was on stage in Snow White
    When some got a bit of a fright.
    The tall folk were distraught
    At an electrical “short”
    But us dwarfs were still in the light.

  153. Tim Gray says:

    With you, I cannot complain.
    I keep coming again and again.
    Oh, what would I give
    If you were to live,
    Instead of a thick piece of rubberised cane.

  154. Tim Gray says:

    So I think that I’m clever and smart
    That I’ve made lying into an art.
    I could complain,
    But I refrain,
    Those naysayers, where would I start?

  155. Tim Gray says:

    If you want to be believed,
    It’s how what you say is perceived.
    I just delight
    In saying I’m right…
    And knowing that most are deceived.

  156. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    I suppose that I should not complain
    That our child flushed the fish down the drain;
    Now it’s “closer to God”
    But the fish was a cod
    Now the pipe is clogged, oh, what a pain!

  157. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Is there anyone who can explain
    Why this checkout is called “express lane?”
    I’ve aged years standing here
    In this line and I fear
    I have also, alas, missed my train.

  158. Valerie Fish says:

    Is it a bird, is it a plane?
    Oh no, it’s happening again
    Another damn drone
    In a no fly zone
    Disruption all round, what a pain

  159. Valerie Fish says:

    You could say I’m a frequent flyer
    I love going higher and higher
    Again and again
    Sex on a plane
    Sets my erogenous zones on fire

  160. Brian Allgar says:

    Now, Donald, I’ll try to explain
    “Trickle-down economics” again.
    Stealing cash that’s not theirs,
    They become billionaires,
    And they piss on each Tom, Dick and Jane.

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mrs. Ol’bag, you catchin’ a plane?
    Be careful, dear, please use your cane!
    “I’m not goin’ away”
    “But I come here each day”
    “Cuz that pat-down just drives me insane”

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Announcement”

    This “Lower Price” aircraft’s quite plain
    Yet still you have something to gain!
    It’s got no T.V.
    Or good movies to see
    But our tap dancing pilot’s real vain.

  163. Lisi Nortman says:

    An idea from Tim James: my attempt at an acrostic for the lighting theme

    L et me go to bed early, all right?
    I don’t want to have one more fight!
    G et those dishes real clean
    H elp me with our routine
    T urn off that darn lamp. Nighty night.

  164. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another way to do the above acrostic might be a change in line 5

    L et me go to bed early, alright?
    I don’t want to have one more fight!
    G et those dishes real clean
    H elp me with the routine
    T hen turn off the lamp. Nighty night

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    Or perhaps this one: as to not use a preposition for a stressed syllable in line four (lighting theme)

    L et me go to bed early, alright?
    I don’t want to have one more fight!
    G et those dishes real clean
    H enry, STOP being mean!
    T hen turn off the lamp. Nighty night.

  166. Lisi Nortman says:

    “PLANE” acrostic

    P atty Brown has a real savvy brain
    L oves to fly and she sure can explain
    A viation and flight
    N ever wrong; always right
    E very journey is Patty’s “domain”

  167. Stephen Fleming says:

    A man was asked to explain
    His reason for going insane.
    He looked at the world
    The conclusion unfurled
    That madness was more in the main.

  168. Tim James says:

    A woman who’d drunk quite a bit
    Lost her lights when a thunderstorm hit.
    Yet all night she could see.
    You ask: how can this be?
    It’s not hard when you’ve gotten well-lit.

  169. Lisi Nortman says:

    ACROSTIC: Pilot Announcement:

    P lease don’t be afraid on my plane!
    I t is safe. Do not leave. Just remain!
    L eave the flying to me
    O FF WE GO!! And you”ll see
    T hat tomorrow we’ll all be in Spain!

  170. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lighting Theme “Edna Has An Idea” acrostic

    L et’s go to a place that’s real dark
    I thought perhaps “Lover’s Lane Park”
    G ive me just what I need
    H old me close then indeed
    T hat will bring back our lovely old spark

  171. Mark G. Kane says:

    Crammed in close, thigh to thigh on the plane,
    With their will to abstain on the wain,
    They soon met in the loo
    For a slow urgent screw,
    Then toasted their lust with champagne.

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    ACROSTIC

    P lease try not to hurt my friend Jane
    L et her think that she’s pretty and vain
    A girl needs to feel
    I mposing so she’ll
    N ot think that she’s really so plain

  173. Lisi Nortman says:

    CHANGE IN LINE FIVE OF ABOVE ACROSTIC

    P lease try not to hurt my friend Jane
    L et her think that she’s pretty and vain
    A girl needs to feel
    I mposing so she’ll
    N ot grasp that in truth she is plain

  174. Diane Groothuis says:

    The passengers thought it was plain
    That sobriety was on the wane
    When they were in the queue
    To go to the loo
    Hearing corks popping, fizzing champagne.

  175. Mark G. Kane says:

    They heard banging again and again,
    As they waited inside to deplane.
    And once out of wine,
    With their lust in decline,
    They were scared, so they chose to remain.

  176. Lisi Nortman says:

    acrostic

    C harlie’s becoming a pain!
    H e certainly addles my brain!
    E very night he runs out
    A nd I scream and then shout
    T hat man I just cannot restrain

  177. Jane Hoffman says:

    For Mark Kane:

    A woman had sex on the plane
    With a very passionate Dane.
    No English he spoke
    But he sang with each poke.
    She wished there had been a “refrain.”

  178. Jane Hoffman says:

    The cows have lined up to complain
    That bulls are too hard to restrain.
    The cows want a pen
    Without any men
    So they’ll have a chance to abstain.

  179. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction: syllable change( previous acrostic)

    C arlito’s becoming a pain!
    H e certainly addles my brain!
    E very night he runs out
    A nd I scream and then shout
    T hat man I just cannot restrain

  180. Lisi Nortman says:

    acrostic

    T heresa is such a darn pain!
    R uns around, (this gal ain’t got no brain)
    A fter hours, when dark
    M akes her way to the park
    P uffs and pants like a wolf gone insane

  181. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    “No way I’ll fly a commercial plane,”
    The senator scoffed with disdain;
    I must have private jets,
    If not, send my regrets;
    I won’t pay my own way, that’s insane!”

  182. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Some told her she was insane
    To parachute out of a plane
    With a chute with no cord
    (All that she could afford);
    The coroner will now explain.

  183. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Arlo sang to himself on the train
    As Eric came lookin’ for cocaine;
    “Sorry friend, I got none,”
    He replied, “But for fun
    Join me and we will sing the refrain.”

    “Why are guys like you takin’ a train?”
    Asked a porter, “What, no private plane?”
    “Folks like us need not fly
    When we want to get high!”
    They said, “Plus we won’t fly in the rain.”

  184. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction: The Rain In Spain Stays Mainly In The Plain?
    Well, not exactly!

    “My Fair Lady”
    The mistakes in this well-know refrain
    Are expressions that should not remain!
    “Mainly” and “stays”
    Form an incorrect phrase
    Cause the rain in Spain FALLS ON the plain!

  185. Lisi Nortman says:

    The payment for flying’s insane!
    And everyone knows it won’t wane!
    Extra luggage is higher
    And now they require
    A “carry “OFF” fee on the plane!

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “overhead” section’s a pain
    It’s the worst part of taking a plane!
    The latest rules say:
    “Store your bags right away
    With your baby who’s going insane”

  187. Lisi Nortman says:

    There was something SO WRONG with our plane!
    The pilot was going INSANE!
    Seems he found a rude note
    Which the Air Traffic wrote:
    “Where were you LAST NIGHT ?? signed Elaine”

  188. Dave Johnson says:

    When driving while feeling no pain,
    You’re left with no room to complain
    If they haul it away.
    Other prices you’ll pay –
    Like walking to work in the rain.

  189. Lisi Nortman says:

    We recommend here on this plane
    A process that might seem insane:
    Give your luggage a kiss
    Cause surely you’ll miss
    Never seeing it ever again.

  190. Lisi Nortman says:

    CORRECTION!!

    We recommend here on this plane
    A process that might seem insane!
    Give your luggage a kiss
    Cause surely you’ll miss
    Your seeing it ever again.

  191. Mark G. Kane says:

    Now rich with their own private plane,
    They cavort with no need to explain.
    But their pilot’s in pain,
    And dares not complain,
    As their screams fuel his raging migraine.

  192. Herb Sontz says:

    I feel I must really explain,
    Having sex on an angular plane,
    Is really a test,
    Of what one feels is best:
    The pleasure, the act or the pain.

  193. Sally Franz says:

    Trump cried fake news to explain
    His Generals were misquoted he feigned
    It was live TV
    Not a Twitter feed
    That stable genius is showing again.

  194. Lisi Nortman says:

    This is actually true (1983) (except we were going to Aruba, but it doesn’t rhyme)

    La Guardia! Where is our plane?
    I thought we were going to Spain!
    We slept on the floor
    And heard everyone snore
    Next Vacation. To Disney. By train.

  195. Lisi Nortman says:

    My qualifications are plain
    They’re proof that I’ve got a good brain!
    I shall do a great job
    Never dress like a slob
    And I’m also a bothersome pain

  196. madkane says:

    IMPORTANT UPDATE:

    Due to a family health situation, I have to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. The new deadline for entries is February 9 at 10 pm. ( Eastern Time)

  197. P Diane Schneider says:

    ROAD RAGE

    To badmouth but simply in vain
    I truly don’t like to complain
    I keep myself sane
    And let my ire wane
    Elsewise just what would I gain?

  198. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Pilot Announcement”

    “If you’re flying “First Class” on this plane
    You never will feel any pain:
    If this craft should go down
    We just know you won’t frown
    Cause you’ll croak while you’re sipping champagne”

  199. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! I rhymed pain with pain (try again)

    “If you’re flying “First Class” on this plane
    You really have so much to gain:
    If this craft should go down
    We just know you won’t frown
    Cause you’ll croak while you’re sipping champagne”

  200. Dave Johnson says:

    (In honor of Capt. Rosemary Mariner, U.S.N.)

    Her mission was flying a plane;
    In fighter jets she would remain.
    Thus paving the way
    For her sisters today;
    Our nation had so much to gain.

  201. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Producer” acrostic

    T he play starts; the actors “explain”
    H ow charming the music refrain!
    I n the back round, romancing
    E ach scene lovely dancing
    F at producer has so much to gain

  202. Lisi Nortman says:

    While flying on “Not So Great” plane
    The jargon just drove me insane!
    “In the UNLIKELY EVENT”
    Crap! I knew what that meant!
    So the next time I’ll sure take the train.

  203. Lisi Nortman says:

    Back on the plane

    When flying on “Not So Great” plane
    The jargon just drives me insane!
    “This plane is non-stop??”
    HOLY COW; CALL A COP!
    Or we’ll end up on Troposphere Lane!

  204. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some road signs are really insane!
    Now please let me try to explain!
    There’s just one you MUST read
    That says, “Please Take Heed !
    This street may get wet due to rain”

  205. Lisi Nortman says:

    We seniors all have a great brain
    For instance, please let me explain:
    We don’t need T.V.
    Or the paper to see
    Precisely just when it will rain.

  206. Lisi Nortman says:

    We seniors will never complain!
    Cause there’s NOTHING that we can’t retain!
    And when we forget
    We do not get upset
    It’s just a small fart of the brain.

  207. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Third Grade Acrostic Quiz)

    T ake this quiz, kids, now just use your brain
    R opes and horses no longer remain
    A nd YIKES! some high-speed
    I t’s real fast, guaranteed!
    N ow electric. No more to explain

  208. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doctor Jones gave me pills for my pain
    He said I’ll no longer complain
    If those meds really worked
    I wouldn’t feel irked
    And my wife would no longer remain

  209. John Shardlow says:

    No, I never heard of him either, maybe we could adopt him as our patron.

    A Norseman in Ireland, a pain
    Munster people were under his reign
    His heirs are called Paddy
    But who was the daddy?
    It’s Ivar of Limerick, the Dane!

  210. Valerie Fish says:

    I desperately tried to explain
    My attempt was sadly in vain
    She’d heard it all before
    I got kicked out the door
    My cheating’s cost me yet again

  211. Dave Johnson says:

    As soon as you’re up in the sky,
    Attendants come pleasantly by.
    First-class on a plane
    Earns a happy refrain;
    It should, since the steaks are so high.

  212. Lisi Nortman says:

    Airline hostesses must use their brain
    And remember to always maintain
    Their composure and calm
    In case there’s a bomb
    And parachute out that damn plane

  213. Diane Groothuis says:

    She played us a joyful refrain
    On her flute as she quaffed some champagne
    But imbibing the bubbles
    She encountered some troubles
    Her error was patently plain.

  214. Lisi Nortman says:

    Airline Hostesses

    Airline hostesses never complain
    Even though they are under a strain
    They use certain “code words”
    For annoying damn turds
    “Be right back” is one common refrain

  215. Lisi Nortman says:

    Airline Hostess Announcement:

    I don’t mean to be a big pain
    But “no cell phone use” here on this plane!!
    I’ll return in a bit
    I must get to the “pit”
    And text to my lovey dove, Wayne

  216. Dave Johnson says:

    She told him “It’s hard to explain;
    Arousal I now have to feign.
    Perhaps that your beard,
    So lengthy and weird,
    Keeps straying outside of its lane.”

  217. Dave Johnson says:

    Her clapping? Well, let me explain:
    His SOTU address was a pain.
    She had to resort;
    Reading Mueller’s report
    Announcing the end of his reign.

  218. Tim Gray says:

    My name is Donald the Chump,
    And my ratings have dropped with a whump.
    Would you kindly explain
    This ratings game,
    And why mine continue to slump.

  219. Tim Gray says:

    Two very similar…

    It’s a little hard to explain
    Why I was naked, out in the rain.
    So I won’t even bother
    And you’ll discover
    A mystery it shall remain.

    It’s a pretty hard to explain
    Why I was naked, out in the rain.
    Number one rule of thumb
    It’s best to stay schtum
    So a mystery it shall remain.

    I prefer the second one

  220. Tim Gray says:

    So, I don’t like their views
    So I simply call it Fake News.
    If I were to complain
    Those views would remain,
    So my tactic helps them diffuse.

  221. Tim Gray says:

    So Tiffany had a leg sprain
    As she tripped when pushed off the train.
    She felt like a dolt,
    It was her own fault,
    She tried very hard to explain.

  222. Tim Gray says:

    Would I be the first to complain
    If Trump were elected again?
    Not if popular vote,
    That’s “Popular”, note,
    Said, “Donald, as Prezzie, remain.”

  223. John Shardlow says:

    Acer, maple and plane
    In summer, look much the same
    In the fall, different story
    They show all their glory
    And delight leaf peepers in Main

  224. John Shardlow says:

    Drake sailed the Old Spanish Main
    Taking gold from Philip of Spain
    But against the Armada
    He returned to fight harder
    Pirate or hero? explain

  225. Lisi Nortman says:

    It seems that they met on a train
    It was KISMET! Just let me explain:
    He said, “You look tired”
    (Her heart he desired)
    And now they are “M & M Kane”

  226. Diane Groothuis says:

    ll in response to Mark Kane.

  227. Diane Groothuis says:

    In response to Mark G Kane’s airborne suite of limericks:

    That pilot who had a migraine
    Took a powder to cover his pain
    As the orgy went on
    He dressed in chiffon
    Sayin’ I auto not look quite so plain.

  228. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Captain Boozy”

    The pilot announced with great pain:
    “We just cannot make it to Spain!
    “I’m a little bit tight
    “So today for this flight
    “We’ll be landing on “Grand Tipsy Plain”

  229. Lisi Nortman says:

    ” The Rhyming Poem” (acrostic)

    W e all know it’s really quite plain
    O ur passion for writing’s a drain!
    “Rhyming Poems” are tough
    D id we all have enough?
    S urely NOT! Are you MAD ly insane?

  230. David Friedman says:

    A man used his dick for his brain —
    He lived in Maine, Spain, or Spokane
    Fort Wayne or Champlain,
    Brisbane or Ukraine;
    I don’t think I need to explain.

  231. David Friedman says:

    My mom says she hates to complain
    Yet she does it again and again
    And again and again
    And again and again
    And again and again and again.

  232. David Friedman says:

    There once was a lady so glum;
    Her boobs would light up when she’d come
    Her lover’d remark
    “Why did it stay dark?”
    To which she would just answer, “Um.”

  233. David Friedman says:

    There once was a fellow from Hyde
    Whose dick would light up when he lied
    He said, “You’re the first”
    In light the room burst
    And now she’s no longer his bride.

  234. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    “I get it, there’s no need to explain!
    You are trying to hijack this plane;
    And you want my cash, too?
    Here it is, all for you!
    You can take my wife too, her name’s Jane.”

    “Fifty years I have suffered in vain
    While my husband here drove me insane!
    Now he says, ‘Take my wife!’
    Great! we’ll start a new life
    Together — take my bag, where’s my cane?”

    “Thank you Madam! Please tell me your name!
    And how you made that bad man leave this plane;
    Well, whatever you said
    That made him jump instead
    You have saved us all! Now on to Spain!”

  235. John Shardlow says:

    Sorry Kathleen, different lady altogether.

    Her language has become quite profane
    And I’m finding it hard to explain
    She’s just being silly
    I know her name’s Jillie
    But during sex, I shouted out “JANE ! “

  236. Tim James says:

    A fellow who lived in Champaign
    (That’s a town on an Illinois plain)
    Said, “This place ain’t all that.
    It’s cold and it’s flat,
    Like my ex ― but costs less to maintain.”

  237. Valerie Fish says:

    She used to be the love of my life
    But now she’s just trouble and strife
    Does nowt but complain
    Again and again
    My dear sweet soon to be ex-wife!

  238. Valerie Fish says:

    This phobia is becoming a pain
    The minute I set foot on a plane
    I scream and I shout
    ‘Let me out, let me out!’
    As aerophobia strikes again

  239. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Fighting Illini” (for Tim James)

    Please do not make fun of Champaign!
    Listen closely; I now shall explain:
    It’s a town that just rocks
    And will knock off your socks
    Cause “The Big Ten” will always remain!

  240. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m baffled; there’s something not right
    My concern has to do with the night
    Some say, “after dark”
    What a puzzling remark!
    Cause the night is just right “after light”

  241. John Shardlow says:

    To base instincts he’d just been reverting
    But claimed he’d only been flirting
    Risking shame and backlash
    He was betrayed by the flash
    The new penalty’s high for ‘up skirting’

  242. John Shardlow says:

    In confession he asks “Is it sin
    To want to be her and not him”?
    The penance – “Light rockets
    In both trouser pockets”
    And now it Julie, not Jim

  243. Mark G. Kane says:

    Diane Groothuis and I had some fun with the current Limerick-Off, enjoy!

    . . . Mark posted:
    Crammed in close, thigh to thigh on the plane,
    With their will to abstain on the wain,
    They soon met in the loo
    For a slow urgent screw,
    Then toasted their lust with champagne.

    . . . Diane Groothuis replied:
    The passengers thought it was plain
    That sobriety was on the wane
    When they were in the queue
    To go to the loo
    Hearing corks popping, fizzing champagne.

    . . . Mark replied:
    They heard banging again and again,
    As they waited inside to deplane.
    And once out of wine,
    With their lust in decline,
    They were scared, so they chose to remain.

    . . . Diane Groothuis replied:
    If you MUST misbehave on a plane
    Imbibing excess of champagne
    You can try an upgrade
    And the cubicle’s made
    For comfort and sex for those payin’.

    . . . Mark replied:
    Now rich with their own private plane,
    They cavort with no need to explain.
    But their pilot’s in pain,
    And dares not complain,
    As their screams fuel his raging migraine.

    . . . Diane Groothuis replied:
    That pilot who had a migraine
    Took a powder to cover his pain
    As the orgy went on
    He dressed in chiffon
    Sayin’ I ought not look quite so plain.

    . . . Mark replied:
    With computers now flying the plane,
    The pilot walked down to explain
    That he wished to join in,
    Because THREE was no sin,
    So perhaps they could all “Daisy Chain?”

    . . . Diane Groothuis replied:
    As they started the long “Daisy Chain”
    The intent of the pilot was plain
    Though looking so slinky,
    His moves were too “kinky”
    So they chuted him down to ” Bris- BANE)

    . . . Mark replied:
    Then the two finished up with some strain.
    Try again? No this time he’d abstain,
    As he took back control,
    With the one simple goal
    Of carefully landing their plane.

    . . . Diane Groothuis replied:
    THE END!

  244. Lisi Nortman says:

    ‘Sylvester Stallone” (acrostic)

    R emarkable! someone so plain
    O f a back round with sorrow and pain
    C ompetes with a champ
    K eeps a grin like a scamp
    Y et CHEERS for a minimal gain!

  245. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: line 5 of above limerick: Y et CHEERS! with just minimal gain
    should be “Y et CHEERS for a minimal gain!
    Could you change that for me?
    Thank You
    Lisi

    *******
    Done.

  246. Valerie Fish says:

    Sexual relations did not take place
    Said Bill Clinton, pleading his case
    But how could he explain
    Monica’s telltale stain
    That came back to hit him in the face?

  247. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 315. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Deal.

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