Limerick-Off Award (315)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

I’m a pessimist. Let me explain,
So I don’t have to say it again:
In the tunnel, my friend
Is a light at the end –
Which belongs to an oncoming train.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special LIGHTING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

All was darkness. Then “Let there be light!”
Earth was formed, and the darkness took flight.
If in light we’re created
As Scripture has stated,
Then why isn’t Man very bright?

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special ACROSTIC Limerick Award, given occasionally to a clever acrostic limerick:

Please don’t be afraid on my plane.
It is safe. You’ll be fine. Just remain.
Leave the flying to me.
OFF WE GO! And you’ll see
That tomorrow, we’ll all be in Spain.

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.

What a marvelous thing is a dimmer!
On the days I feel older and grimmer,
I just turn it down low,
Make my wrinkles all go,
And look younger and slimmer and trimmer.

If there’s something to mend, fix or tie,
I can just turn the dimmer up high
And produce enough light
To set anything right
And ensure I’ll get by if I try.

Yes, the dimmer is grand altogether,
For both higher light levels and nether –
But I’d be more content
If kind souls would invent
Me a dimmer to tether the weather.

Congratulations to MARK KANE and DIANE GROOTHUIS, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Mark Kane:

Crammed in close, thigh to thigh on the plane,
With their will to abstain on the wain,
They soon met in the loo
For a slow urgent screw,
Then toasted their lust with champagne.

Diane Groothuis:

The passengers thought it was plain
That sobriety was on the wane
When they stood in the queue
To go to the loo,
Hearing corks popping, fizzing champagne.

Mark Kane:

They heard banging again and again,
As they waited inside to deplane.
And once out of wine,
With their lust in decline,
They were scared, so they chose to remain.

(Mark and Diane’s limerick exchange continued into several more verses. You can read the entire limerick repartee exchange here.)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Judith H. Block, Fred Bortz and Val Fish. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO LIGHTING LIMERICKS)

Brian Allgar:

Says Trump, “What’s that light in the sky?
It’s too bright, and I’m starting to fry.”
“It’s the sun,” they explain.
“That’s a lie! I maintain
That my son is no brighter than I.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

A fellow who lived in Champaign
(That’s a town on an Illinois plain)
Said, “This place ain’t all that.
It’s cold and it’s flat
Like my ex ― but costs less to maintain.”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

La Guardia! Where is our plane?
We thought we were going to Spain!
We slept on the floor,
Heard obnoxious jerks snore.
Next vacation. To Disney. By train!

Tony Holmes:

All these people are boarding this train
For two weeks in the sunshine of Spain.
What they haven’t been told
Is it’s wet and it’s cold;
But that’s fine, cuz they like to complain.

Jane Hoffman says:

The cows have lined up to complain
That the bulls are too hard to restrain.
The cows want a pen
Without any men…
To give them a chance to abstain.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

We looked up at the sky. (Was it rain?)
It went fast, and our eyes felt a strain.
Was it Superman? NO!
Was it birds? (Not in snow.)
There it IS! Oh my GOD! It’s a PLANE!

Tim James:

A couple got onto a plane;
Airborne nookie they yearned to attain.
Neither one had a clue
How to screw in a loo.
So they winged it, to mutual gain.

Tony Holmes:

“Drunk again?” is her constant refrain.
She derides all attempts to explain.
It were better, I think,
To forswear further drink,
Than to suffer that woman’s disdain.

Tim James for his Acrostic:

It’s becoming increasingly plain:
Donald Trump’s so-called “very good brain”
Isn’t all it should be.
On the contrary, he
Tweets and rants like a man gone insane.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIGHTING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

“Soft music, dim lighting, and you…
You’re the love of my life. It is true,
When I see you, I’m dazed,”
Murmured Trump as he gazed
In the mirror, his favorite view.

Jean McEwen:

Thank goodness this room’s dimly lit
So my boyfriend can’t quite see the zit
On the tip of my nose
That through makeup still shows.
(If he saw it, then surely he’d split.)

Dave Johnson:

With agents and flashlights galore,
Now Roger is part of the score.
Since Mueller’s so near,
Trump just might need to fear
That 6 A.M. bang on the door.

Judith H. Block:

It seems that some guys need enlightening;
Their view is dismaying – needs brightening.
Beauty comes in all sizes.
They’re in for surprises;
Small gals can give pleasure quite heightening.

Fred Bortz:

The spotlights illumine the stage
Where the despot will soon stand and rage.
But the nation takes note,
And soon we will vote
That the time’s come to turn a new page.

Val Fish:

He’d attempted to set the right mood;
Soft music, the lighting subdued.
But it all went to pot
With chili, too hot;
Several trips to the toilet ensued.

Dave Johnson:

Trump’s shutdown is all about him
Kowtowing to fright-wingers’ whim.
Fed workers are stuck
All because of this schmuck,
Whose bulb runs no brighter than dim.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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One Response to “Limerick-Off Award (315)”

  1. Gene Gratton says:

    It may cause a tussle
    the sprout of the brussel
    when bringing the family to eat.
    But with bacon we crumble
    on the green little bumble
    and bake it right into a treat.

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