Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RING or WRING at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 11, 2020)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RING or WRING at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FEAR, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FEAR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 12,2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 11, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my RING/WRING-rhyme limerick:
If I tell you to “give me a ring,”
Please know I’m not asking for bling.
(That would take lots of gall!)
No, I just want a call…
Though I’d settle for text or a ping.
And here’s my FEAR-themed limerick:
Excess staring can make women fearful;
Especially looks that seem leerful.
And pandemics will boost
The unease that’s induced…
Like right now, I’d prefer someone sneerful.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bling Humor, Communication Humor, Competition Limerick, Fear Humor, Jewelry Humor, Leers Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Pandemic, Phone Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Ring Limerick, Social Distancing, Staring Humor, Telephone Humor, Texting Humor, Writing Prompts
FDR told us “Fear only fear” —
But some caution is warranted here:
Fearing crowds, risky chances
And torrid romances
Just might save our lives now, my dear.
My new girl is an old-fashioned thing
And as such, is averse to a fling.
She will kiss – and we pet,
But no nookie. “Not yet!
If you want me, just give me a ring.”
We started to date in the Spring
Didn’t know it would be the “real thing”
We got married, and then
My sweet darling, Ken
Bestowed me a black bathtub ring
Just who has this great “fear of flying?”
Not me! I will never start crying!
When we’re up in the air
I have nary a care
Except for my deep “fear of dying”
Mom grew up in a town:”Teensy Spring”
Where the park held just one tiny swing
This place was so small
Mama still can recall
That the circus had only one ring
I once knew a guy named Bing.
At the drop of a hat he would sing.
He most used his voice
When we all had no choice
I said, Bing, if I want you, I’ll ring.
Fear is what we fear.
Today and next year.
So I will just think
And have me a drink.
As I drop me a tear.
I bought my girlfriend a ring.
Real luxurious bling.
She dropped it, it went smash.
She said she’d rather have cash.
Not this fake, rotten thing.
The one thing I really most fear:
An explosion from out of my rear
When I’m out on the town
And my pants go all brown
And things start to stink and then smear.
(Sorry if anyone was eating during this one)
The Taxman Cometh – A Fear Limerick (Actually based on a 5,000 year-old Egyptian saying – honest injun.)
One is rightly respectful of kings,
And of princes, among other things;
But one truly despairs –
“The IRS, man, spells ‘THEIRS’.”
It’s the bite of the taxman that stings.
Her exes shared one common thing:
It seems they were not into bling.
Have fun? They sure did;
But each ran and hid
When she said “Now show me the ring.”
Covid’s scary, no ifs, ands, or buts —
stay at home and develop new ruts.
Note to introverts: sit!
Read a book, learn to knit…
And to extroverts? — pursue going nuts.
Should the bells be starting to ring
When all the aides start to sing,..
Without being too rude,
At government ineptitude,
That’s led by Trump, the Show King.
Though strangling is not the done thing,
I’m tempted to give it a fling.
With the face of a Shrek
On a bright-orange neck,
I would gladly give Donald a wring.
“I fear that the apple’s depravity
Has caused in my skull a large cavity.
Still, I’m not in my grave …”
So Sir Isaac’s brain-wave
Was to call his discovery ‘Gravity’.
“I’m pregnant! I’m frightened to tell
My old man – he’ll be angry as hell!”
“Just lie to the guy –
Say an angel stopped by,
And some Heavenly Spirit as well.”
“My husband was hoping to bring
Me to climax. He got in the swing,
But that big tub of lard
Must have sucked me too hard –
Now it’s lost in the male, my clit-ring!”
Who can sit through the whole of ‘The Ring’?
First there’s ‘Rhinegold’; they sing and they sing …
Then hours of ‘Walkyrie’
And ‘Siegfried’, so dreary
That even the Gods hate the thing.
Boris Johnson just laughed at their fear.
“Social distancing ? Pshaw !” he would jeer,
As he shook every hand.
But karma is grand,
And the moron’s infected, I hear.
A loud voice to the chorus he’ll bring,
but his notes have a flat, hollow ring:
“Dough dough dough!” –out they roll,
“Me me me!” — but where’s soul?
So I tune out when Trump starts to sing.
I can’t swim and that brings me to tears!
Couldn’t do it for all of my years
And what worries me most
Is I’ll soon be a ghost
Cuz I’ll drown in a pool of my fears
“The Fly” a scary film from 1958, then remade in 1986
My wife, Fanny, (oh yuk) not a prize!
She fears bugs will sure cause her demise
So I rented “The Fly”
She screamed, “I will die!”
What a great way to say our good byes!
Proposing right now is a thing
You might have to re-think to bring
The desired result;
In our current tumult,
Give her TP instead of a ring.
He said we had nothing to fear;
That virus was not even near.
Then catastrophe struck;
Now this uninformed schmuck
Says his ratings are something to cheer.
a slight change from limerick: today at 1:25 PM (L2)
I can’t swim and that brings me to tears
(I’ve been frightened for so many years)
And what worries me most
Is I’ll soon be a ghost
Cuz I’ll drown in a pool of my fears
Quasimodo’s a “hideous thing!”
My mom said, “So what? Have a fling!
He could take you to bed
And you might even wed”
(Yet he’d give me a bell, not a ring)
The Truth Will Make Us Great ~
Fear’s not what scares me the most,
nor is truth, though it’s worse in each post.
What brings tears to my eyes
are the virulent lies
which are speading from MAGA’s chief host.
Macbeth’s Lady wailed, “We’ve killed the King!” —
lost her mind with that “Out damned spot!” thing.
I relate to her hell,
’cause devoid of Purell,
I, too, scrub my hands madly, then wring.
He was hoping for a nice evening’s fling
As he pressed on her doorbell to ring
So when she opened the door
He was thrilled to the core
As her Saran Wrap did suggestively cling
When this thing is all over
And Trump has been put out to clover,
After hearing bells ring
And having a good sing,
A new way of life we’ll discover.
A White House spokesperson comes clean
It’s shameful, I cannot deny,
But unless we tell lie after lie
About Coronavirus,
We fear he will fire us,
So millions will just have to die.
I fear I’ll get 10 years in the clink
For deducting her drink and her mink
Those expenses for Bridget
I believed were quite legit
In the conduct of our business (wink, wink)
These days, I shall no longer care
‘Bout things that I thought were unfair
I shall no longer dwell
Upon fears about hell
Cause it seems that we’re already there
Now folks, let me make something brief
‘Bout my honest and solid belief:
Let your fright disappear
There is nothing to fear
(Except the “Commander-In Chief”)
Mad: above limerick: Can you please change (Except for “Commander-In-Chief”) to (Except the “Commander-In-Chief)
Thank You
Lisi
****
Done.
I’m confused–someone tell me something:
If the rhyme word’s supposed to be “ring”
(Or wring) Then how come
Of these listed, there’s some
That don’t even show any such thing?
Said Trump of this terrible thing
What votes do you think this could swing
This hoax of a virus
Sent here to inspire us
Let’s see how much cash we can wring
For Bindy
Perhaps it was not very clear
The theme for this contest is “fear”.
Here’s hoping you’ll bring
Something more than ring/wring
That everyone else gets to cheer.
Health experts would shout til’ they’re hoarse
“Stay home- there is no other course!”
Spring breakers rejected
Those pleas as expected;
Covidiots were out there in force.
A boxer with insight to spare
Fought a bout, then was heard to declare:
“It’s a curious thing.
We all call this a ‘ring’ —
So why is it shaped like a square?”
Her doctor said there’s nothing to fear
You’ll be fixed up in no time my dear
I see a pea pod
He said with a nod
Starting to sprout down in your left ear !
Lived my life without fear; had a ball
Till the day that I saw this real tall
Freaky guy who was weird
With a very long beard
Who walks back and forth at the mall
Don’t be frightened by people who squawk
Turn your back and then take a brisk walk
Yet some other fears
Will sure bring you to tears
Like the one known as “We need to talk”
For the past three month he has known
Though any chances he had he has blown
Trump said never fear
It will not be severe…
Have discontent seeds just been sown?
Teflon Trump rules on a whim
And treats experts as ignorant as sin.
Though he finally did hear,
But driven by their fear,
Most deaths should be on him.
Dick’s wife warned him: “I promise I’ll wring
Your damn neck if you have one more fling!”
But Dick once again strayed.
Now, a high price he’s paid:
She’s gone further and chopped off his thing.
I feel trapped; my house reeks of chlorine
From those wipes that kill COVID-19.
I’ve run out of Purell
And now fear I’m unwell–
So it’s two weeks of self-quarantine.
I swear I composed the following before I saw Jean’s limerick.
Poor Dick is having a tough time of it these days…
All Dick wanted was one little screw
With his hot next-door neighbor. Who knew
That her man packed a gun?
See Dick run! Run, Dick, run!
See Dick ruin his Jockey shorts too.
Mickey Mouse fell in love, bought a ring;
Said his gal makes him feel like a king.
Very soon he will wed,
And the reason, he said,
Is ’cause love is a Minnie splendored thing.
I visited John in the Spring
At a place which was once called “Sing Sing”
He said, “Life is great
I would love a cell mate
Won’t you please join my bookmaking ring?”
“Hubby” bought me a charming mood ring
When it’s red, I just dance and I sing
But when it is green
I’m a real mean machine
And he gets a right hook in his thing
With a bellow that sounds insincere
Says the Prez:”Lo, the Donald is here!
With the brains that I bring
I will fix everything!”
Mr. Trump, that is what we all fear.
There once was a man from Quebec
Who proposed to his girl on the deck
What he brought, for the bling,
Was a cheap plastic ring
So the girl started wringing his neck.
The fairies were all in a ring
Dancing and having a fling
When along came some elves,
Not behaving themselves,
Said the queen, “I think we’ll take wing.”
Said the lead elf, “What is your fear?
Why do you not want us here?”
Said the queen to the elf
“You can’t control yourself,
It’s uncomfortable having you near.”
Said the elf, “We should live as one ring,
So the people can all dance and sing.
It seems that our role
Is to learn self-control
To enhance the joy that we bring.”
Those people I hear, but I can’t see
So close, through the wall next to me.
Should I tell them? No fear,
At what I can hear
When they’re having a rabbit-like spree.
You’ll not make America great
While you’re missing one vital trait.
I fear integrity’s missing,
I can hear that your hissing,
Just wake up and ponder your fate.
I was sitting there on the loo
Doing just what we all do,
When I heard the phone ring,
Then my wife loudly sing,
“Darling I think it’s for you.”
So I got up, pants at half mast
And ran to the phone really fast.
Then what did I hear?
Nothing I fear,
They’d hung up, goddamn and blast.
So I made my way back to the throne
To continue what we do alone
Then flush the thing
By pulling the ring…
I’d have stayed there if I had known.
There once was a Trump who’d be king
and America’s neck he would wring.
When a virus came near,
she cried “Save Me!” in fear.
The the Trump said, “First kiss my ring!”
Today I sure feel like a king!
Cuz tonight we will have a great fling!
I shall ask her to wed
(Sorry) must rush ahead
To Sam’s Club to buy her a ring
Here’s a tweet-out to trivia nerds:
“Ornithophobia” means fear of birds;
and HIPPO POTO MONSTROSES
QUIP EDALIAN neurosis
largely signifies fear of long words.
Oh, dear therapist, I must come clear
My new problem is very severe
I am under much stress
Cuz all day I obsess
About fearing I won’t have a fear
We now have a vital new task;
To learn how to make our own mask.
My effort, I fear
Hides my nose and one ear:
For instructions, I may need to ask.
A choral director named Crandall
Created a musical scandal
When he slurred through his beer,
“No Messiah thish year–
Shorry, I can’t find the Handel.”
For the expert hydro engineer
The waterway’s challenge was clear:
How to manage the flow?
“Be dammed if I know;
We can maybe get by with a weir.”
Shun the Unknown One! ~
Write a limerick? I fear that I shan’t—
unless, against rhyme, it’s a rant—
or I’d hear a lotta
“Persona non grata!”
from poets who’d shout “unbekannt!”
“If you’re afraid to write limericks …” (Mad Kane)
Am I writing a foul villanelle? No!
A pantoum or a French kyrielle? No!
These forms simply suck;
Compared to such muck,
Do limericks frighten me? Hell, no!
The Owl confesses
“The Pussycat wanted a ring,
But the Pig was determined to cling
To the one in his nose.
Still, I HAD to propose …
We’ve got bacon to last till next Spring.”
Dire fear is a burdensome weight
Took me years till I got this thing straight:
Your fears aren’t real
They’re emotions you feel
As a product of thoughts you create
I think L5 is not really what I wanted to express. Try again:
Dire fear is a burdensome weight
Took me years till I got this thing straight:
Your fears aren’t real
They’re emotions you feel
As results of the thoughts you create
Social distancing seems like a thing
That has a familiar ring.
In middle-school days,
It was one way to haze
Some know-it-all jerk ding-a-ling.
A soprano, a devious thing,
Was a part of a criminal ring.
She got busted, but knew
How to rat out her crew;
So when questioned, she started to sing.
They conducted a passionate fling
That lasted most of the Spring;
“I’m pregnant,” she cried,
He laughed and replied,
“I suppose you’re expecting a ring?”
Now, here is the thing
With Trump and his inner ring.
You had better agree
Or you’ll be set free
With “Don’t Disclose” clipping your wing.
If your fingers wear more than one ring
It’s best not to let your handswring
Don’t ignore this advice
It could end up not nice
You’d regret that you had such a fling!
Covid-19’s the world’s latest fear
Just stay in your home till it’s clear
Don’t listen to Trump
If he tells youi to jump
The consequence could be austere.
Oops!
If your fingers wear more than one ring
It’s best not to let your hands wring
Don’t ignore this advice
It could end up not nice
You’d regret that you had such a fling!
Oops!
If your fingers wear more than one ring
It’s best not to let your hands wring
Don’t ignore this advice
It could end up not nice
You’d regret that you had such a fling!
Free-Floating Fears
Ignore him? Trump just can’t abide that.
Despise him? We’ve already tried that!
His ego’s like glass
Yes, our infamous ass;
One could claim many people have died that
Might have lived if not for his denial
Of virus threat. Put him on trial
For crimes ‘gainst the nation!
His brain, perm vacation
Though ego on constant speed dial.
Every possible thing’s about him:
Good or bad, neutral, sad, phony, grim.
We’re the Imagine-Nation!
Agitation, elation
Duke it out as he acts on each whim.
(Good decisions? The chances are slim.)
He’s a scary dude to be in charge,
Body, ego (not brains) far too large.
How was he elected?
By folks who projected
Fears, hates, desires needing discharge.
Man, that virus just doesn’t exist!
Okay, maybe it does. Get the gist?
Because nothing is real
(Hey, great soundbite appeal!)
Unless Trump says it is. What a deal
And a rough one while folks try to cope
In a crisis and retain some hope.
The world is at risk,
His response is quite brisk:
Produce, buy! What a sad, effed-up mope…
(I suspect he could never be Pope.)
Ring, Ring; Wring His Neck
Hear the bells, he’s a real busy guy,
But he found time to let Putin spy.
The phones constantly ring,
Everyone wants something…
But why? Trump’s not real! Facts don’t apply.
Marriage Can Get You (A)Head
He finally bought her a ring,
She’d surprised him with that “special” thing
That they did late at night.
But he sports a large bite
And it hurts when he goes tinkle-ling.
(Ow, her neck he could wring, Ding-a-ling!
But those short shorts…his thing’s tingle-ling.)
Social distancing now is my thing
I’ve a mask I secure with a string
But until there’s a cure
With my hands, I’m unsure
Should I sanitize, wash, or just wring
The Ultimate Fear
There’s a spider on top of the door
It’s a creature I sure won’t ignore
I shall give it a whack
With my special attack
Holy Crap! It ain’t there anymore!
Some groups may be able to bring
Disciples together; one thing:
They now have to start
Standing six feet apart;
And practice safe sects in a ring.
I fear four more years of orange turd
For his crimes that already occurred
Can’t keep up with his lies
Or his blame alibis
Yet his followers remain undeterred
VOTE HIM OUT, and those kissing his ring
VOTE THEM OUT or we’ll lose everything
He makes my BP soar
He’s the one to deplore
Dump that turd who wants to be king
I’m sure her neck I will wring
If she continues to sing.
She’s not only tone deaf
She can’t sing the right clef
And to wrong notes continues to cling.
That man in the West Wing,
His neck deserves a good wring,
For he shut Obama’s Task Force
That deals with pandemic cause,
Now see the result that did bring.
Why can’t we get any traction
Blaming him for his inaction?
There seems an impermeable ring
To which no muck will cling
Shielding him from his malefaction.
The mini-bar’s stocked with libation;
the fluffed pillows suggest hibernation;
there’s a bell I can ring
should I need anything.
Who will answer? Just me on staycation.
And now Jared Kushner is here;
He has all the answers, it’s clear.
The position he fills
With such obvious skills?
Director of National Fear.
Acrostic…
Chaos spreads like a plague, far and near;
Only fools can deny what’s so clear.
Voters follow the news;
In November they’ll choose.
Donald Trump babbles on in his fear.
By executive order decree,
The new President to be.
With my emergency power
In our darkest hour,
Fear not, just trust in me.
Trump, the amazing magician
Has now graduated as a physician,
Though I’d sure circumscribe
The drugs he may prescribe
As a questionable healthcare clinician.
Shock absorbers were bad; James Bond feared
For his life when his vehicle veered
Back and forth, left and right.
The suspension’s not tight.
Aston Martin was shaken, not steered.
We’re living in a country in fear;
For a great lack of medical gear;
Which Cuomo tried to hoard, But do thank the good Lord,
Stopped by our POTUS overseer.
Now to cope with the ultimate fear;
There is simply not enough beer;
That Nursing Home Joe,
Could win control,
Possible demise of our nation is clear!
For the ultimate fear get a gun;
Point it at your head not in fun;
Joe’s scariest campaign pledge,
Proving he’s at Alzheimer’s edge,
V.P. Hunter will be ready on Day One!
Don’t participate with the liberal scoffers;
It’s for the good of the Biden family coffers;
Your hands you may wring,
To bibles and guns you can cling,
But they’ll still accept any seven figure offers.
Democraps will say “Bullshit” you see;
Calling the above “lies” times three;
Don’t fear IF I’m a truth thwarter,
It’s perfect for my next job, a reporter,
For CNN or BSNBC!
Old Wives Tale Acrostic (fear and ring)
F right’ning hunch: both my ears hear a ring
E v’ry body knows that’s a bad thing
A warning so hence
R inging gives me a sense
S omeone’s going to kill me next Spring
The best man partied then sing
Not knowing that he dropped the ring
It was deep in the ground
Made such a weird sound
Siren sounds like a mermaid’s king
You promised to give me a ring
My condition for any boffing
But no precious stone
Just a call on the phone
For that you get zero, nothing
Ate a doughnut, (a real tasty thing)
Hit the spot, and it really had zing
They are all made by hand
At “The Dunkie Dunk” and
It’s the closest I’ll come to a ring
a slight modification Old Wives Tale Acrostic (ring and fear) 4/7 10:21 AM
F right’ning hunch: both my ears heard a ring
E v’ry body knows that’s a bad thing:
A warning, and hence
R inging gives me a sense
S omeone’s going to kill me this Spring
Not all fear is visceral:
Doctor Trump says you’ve nothing to lose
‘droxychloroquine’s what you should use
It’s just one of the perks
Of how lobbying works
For Novartis, it’s really good news
I’m so tired! I can’t cook one more thing!
I’ll go sit for an hour on the swing —
But if you touch one bite
Before Seder tonight,
Trust me, boychik, I’ll make your ears ring.
Truly, Passover fills me with dread:
Matzah sits in my stomach like lead;
And it binds me up so
That I’m not sure I’ll “go” —
I’ll end up dropping brickbats instead.
I think its really quite scary
How you’re so cautious and wary.
Second and third party views
Are all deemed as fake news
Why is that you’re so feary?
If a word doesn’t exist
And it’s not in a dictionary list
Then have no fear
Just make it appear
As long as it has the right gist.
Crystal balls, tarot cards, the I Ching,
I’ve been asking them all the same thing:
Until COVID’s decline,
How much more must we pine,
Sitting waiting for cellphones to ring?
I’m as brave as a man in a frock
So I’m sure it will come as a shock
I’m afraid to be seen
With a porn magazine
Coming out of the store down the block
Instead of being all about me
You could try thinking of We.
By learning to share
And show that you care
Easing you fears, will set you free.
Fearful rabbis declare we’ll be dead
If we celebrate Pesach with bread.
I say: “God has more sense
(Well, He must; He’s not Pence…);
Can He kill superstition instead?”
Jarred awake to the news on my phone
And it’s makin’ me sad to the bone
Heaven damn it all John
Can’t believe that your gone
I’m afraid how we’ll fare on our own
Megan and I were having a fling
When I said I’d give her a ring.
When I asked her to marry
She said, “Darling Harry,
I never suspected a thing.”
A Dem dame had a drink with a MAGA;
over Trump, MAGA seemed to be gaga.
When he offered Kool-Aid,
the Dem dame was afraid,
so she chug-a-lugged six mugs of laga.
To my house, I must cautiously cling
So this video chat’s a great thing
It’s your birthday, my sweet
Darling, here is your treat
It’s a beautiful virtual ring
Is this the same darling?
To my house, I must cautiously cling
So this video chat’s a great thing
It’s your birthday, my love
You’re my one turtle dove
Here’s a beautiful virtual ring
Shouted Thal, “I’ve invented the ring!”
Said Neander, “Go hide that damn thing.
Chiseled rocks with round holes —
what if one of them rolls?
Thal, I fear what the future will bring!”
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
In those horror films girls are dispatched
But I’ve never thought I would get snatched
Cuz their endings get met
In a lingerie set
Whereas none of my underwear’s matched
Hail to Patron Saint Nancy Pelosi;
“For far more pandemic money I plea;
Hundreds of millions needed I fear,”
(But not for the pandemic it’s clear),
It’s for Endowment to the Arts don’t you see!
For the richest country on earth
Of humanity you have a dearth.
Trumps hands will wring
As the State Troopers fling
Refugees off of your turf.
The toreador in support in the ring,
The picador with his spear to fling,
The matador, drawn sword and cape,
For the bull, there’ll be no escape
And the crowd with a big “Ole!” sing.
No fear…
Said the fly, where shall I land?
Mmm, that meat really looks grand.
I can have a good feed,
There’s much more than I need
Then, SLAP! came down a big hand.
With Donald Trump, it’s me, not we
As is all politics you see.
The fear is that there’s not enough,
“I’ll die without all my stuff,”
This state does not have to be.
Though evident the world around
More than plenty does abound,
“Ours, not theirs”, our chorus sing
While we prepare their necks to wring,
No peace will e’er be found.
To co-operate we must learn,
For co-existence we must yearn,
To cast off that power-crave lust,
The fear and greed and mistrust,
Respect, not buy, but earn.
A fitting choice
We’re frightened to go into town,
And ‘Corona’ is getting us down,
So we’re taking our ease
With some fine DVDs –
At the moment, we’re watching ‘The Crown’.
Carrollavirus
“You are old, Father Trump”, says the schmuck,
“And yet you continue to fuck
Every pretty co-ed
You can lure to your bed –
Don’t you fear you will run out of luck?”
“In my youth”, the fake President wheezes,
”I survived many sexual diseases.
This virus, I’m told,
Is no worse than a cold –
Believe ME, I’m not frightened of sneezes!”
So much bullshit each day he can sling
That the President’s neck I could wring.
Though his plan with the virus
Towards Dems is to fire us,
To life till November I’ll cling.
Until now, I quite happily paid
When the need would arise to get laid.
With protection, the risk
Was just slipping a disc,
But mere breathing now makes me afraid.
“From the virus, our nation I’ve spared,”
Said Donald, “No need to be scared.
Stand close when you gab,
And more pussy you’ll grab,”
He went on, and we’re now unprepared.
It’s now become perfectly clear
Our nation has plenty to fear.
To fuel our demise,
Trump incessantly lies
While nitwit Repugnicans cheer.
There once was a very young thing
Who learnt how to dance and to sing
She pursued a wrangler
In secret a strangler
She ended up getting a wring.
A tiger who bounced in the ring
Was asked for the secret of his spring
He said I am strong
By reason of bong
It sends me up high like a swing.
The citizens said to the king,
The virus will death to us bring.
The king said No fear
Go swallow some beer
And hope not to die before spring.
As he bent on one knee with a ring
And proposed, he then started to sing.
A good voice failed to be.
It rang flat as the sea
“It’s a shame you’re off key, Ding-a-ling!”
As I fear the upcoming election,
I am counting on natural selection.
All the clowns in Trump’s car
And the White House ain’t far
From becoming a garbage collection.
(true story)
If a spider should bite you, the thing
That the bite soon will form is a ring.
Here’s where no one’s immune
See a doctor real soon
Or I’ll come to your fune’ral and sing.
(true story)
What I fear more than snakes, bears, wild dogs
Or a spear or earthquakes, pois’nous frogs
There’s no large enough broom
Which kills spiders that loom
Worse than speedboats that zoom through dense fogs!
Oops, there was a second verse which came with the above one but I pressed the Submit button by mistake. @#%?&! Starting over…
(true story)
What I fear more than snakes, bears, wild dogs
Or a spear or earthquakes, pois’nous frogs
There’s no large enough broom
Which kills spiders that loom
More than speedboats that zoom through dense fogs!
And it isn’t a phobia, my dear
Definition – illogical fear.
Well, the logic is there
Hell, if you feel no scare,
It’s too late then, to care, so steer clear!
(true story)
When this COVID thing’s over and done
And the battle is finally won
Though it’s better for all,
I do fear I must crawl
Back to work; no more solitude fun!
I could eat, sleep and fart any time,
Play guitar, walk the cat, write a rhyme,
Stay up late (ain’t it great?)
Do no housework and wait
Till I’ve used my last plate; it’s sublime!
Life has a certain ring.
At times it makes you wanna sing.
If you feel well enough.
To call its bluff.
You might be able to make it a fling.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 442. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fuse.