Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLACED or MISPLACED OR REPLACED or DISPLACED at the end of any one line

UPDATE!!! ANNOUNCEMENT: DUE TO FAMILY OBLIGATIONS, I MUST POSTPONE THE DEADLINE FOR THIS LIMERICK-OFF BY ONE WEEK. THE NEW DEADLINE IS SAT. NOV. 17. RESULTS TO BE POSTED ON NOV. 18. MY APOLOGIES!

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLACED or MISPLACED OR REPLACED or DISPLACED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FOOTWEAR, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FOOTWEAR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 11, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 10, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow with terrible taste
Always purchased his clothing in haste.
He lacked passion for fashion,
Yet swore he looked dashin’…
His self-confidence sadly misplaced.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , ,

188 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLACED or MISPLACED OR REPLACED or DISPLACED at the end of any one line”

  1. Ken Gosse says:

    Stomping the Stone ~
    Lots of footwear and tear in our yard,
    Where the burrs and the stones leave you scarred,
    Because here in the desert
    Your toughness is measurt
    When you put your foot down real hard.

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    Roasting turkey? Use whiskey to baste
    (Not the bird, but the guests) till well laced.
    Please believe me: when high,
    They won’t know the bird’s dry,
    And your trust in me won’t be misplaced.

  3. Sharon Neeman says:

    “I’m ruined,” she whispered, white-faced;
    “The horse that I backed was outpaced!
    My Little Miss Muffet
    Came second — oh, stuff it!
    Two million to win, and Miss placed.”

  4. Sharon Neeman says:

    Netanyahu’s wife* looks like a box,
    And her skin’s reminiscent of lox —
    And you know what they say
    About feet made of clay?
    I won’t guess at the mess in her socks.

    * For American audiences, “Sarah Huckabee” will fill those five syllables almost as well.

  5. John Shardlow says:

    Are Rabbi and Dad in cahoots
    Cos’ circumcision not everyone suits
    The decision was final
    Now I’ve missed the urinal
    And pissed all over my boots

  6. Mike Moulton says:

    A girl thought things were just fine,
    When she plucked a ripe fruit from a vine,
    But when biting in haste,
    A worm was displaced
    Who said, “Hey sweetheart this one is mine.”

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the hooker, “It has a strange taste”,
    As she very reluctantly placed
    Donald’s minuscule prick
    In her mouth. “I feel sick –
    It reminds me of anchovy paste!”

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    I taught 40 years and embraced
    The cause that “No schooling’s a waste”
    But my very last day
    I just blasted away:
    “Who PASTED the Elmer’s MISPLACED?”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    “Hey, those Saudis, I gotta confess,
    Deal with critics with total success.
    They’re able to lose
    ’Em, right down to the shoes.
    Am I jealous? The answer is “Yes”.

    So I gotta plan – can you guess? –
    To get rid of the fake, lying press.
    I’ll invite CNN
    To our consulate, then
    Ask the Saudis to clean up the mess.”

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, that day I sure had the blues!
    It is something I’ll never excuse:
    At the “Posh Royal Ball”
    I walked out of the stall
    With Charmin attached to my shoes.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    My fiance is kind and real sweet
    This man makes me feel so complete!
    When he saw ALL my shoes
    He just blew one big fuse
    And said, “Shit, girl, you’ve only two feet!”

  12. Kirk Miller says:

    Elvis Presley would carefully choose
    When to show his lung power. He’d use
    Azure boots on the ground
    Made of leather. Folks found
    The result when he puffed: blew swayed shoes.

  13. Sharon Neeman says:

    I have heard of a cat (Russian Blue)
    Who would frequently pee in a shoe.
    If I got one for Trump,
    Could I teach it to dump?
    He deserves solid Russian gifts, too.

  14. Sharon Neeman says:

    The footwear that makes moms’ minds bloody
    Might be boots that their daughters leave muddy,
    Or shoes teen sons take
    From their dads “by mistake”
    And then lend to their very best buddy.

    But the ones that arouse my own ire,
    Fan my rage, drive my blood pressure higher,
    Are the socks with no mate
    That unfailingly wait
    To be found when I empty the dryer.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    “This heirloom must gently be placed”
    “In a “curio” oozing with taste”
    “It’s a pricey antique”
    “That is very unique”
    (Aunt Gert’s Here! Grab Piggy! With Haste!)

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    They wear Louboutins or Manolos;
    They walk in spiked heels like they’re pros!
    I just can’t compete,
    Can’t wear those on my feet.
    So wear Luccheses; quite happy in those!

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    Saudi decency’s wholly misplaced.
    In the eyes of all good, they’re disgraced.
    Their cruelty astounds,
    It seems without bounds.
    They’re not people, but vast profit based.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    The Republicans must be replaced,
    In the eyes of the world, we’re disgraced.
    Now they’re stealing elections,
    Where are our protections?
    It’s a rather quite frightening foretaste.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    My glasses, again I’ve misplaced.
    In each room, every step I’ve retraced.
    Looked in the mirror instead-
    They’re on top of my head!
    How’d they get there? All memory’s erased.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our Villa was built with good taste
    The Abuqir Bay it had faced
    Then we saw a chateau
    And we said, “Oh let’s go!”
    We moved in and were gaily displaced

  21. Debby Simon says:

    More humor is needed post haste
    To distract us from life we now face
    With pipe bombs and killing
    And hate-speak so chilling
    All sanctioned by Orange Turd’s embrace

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our family wholly embraced
    Vienna! What grandiose taste!
    Yet now that we’re back
    Seems there’s something we lack
    Our kids have been strangely misplaced

  23. Debby Simon says:

    UH OH, THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING

    ‘Tis the season for stuffing my face
    No self-control—mine gets displaced
    My modus operandi
    Starts this week with candy
    And through New Year’s, all food goes to waist.

  24. P Diane Schneider says:

    By stating his fielty in haste
    To disabuse press that the waste
    Was linked to the Prince
    While we demur since
    It could be his trust is misplaced

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    In their minds, people just have erased
    Some things that have all been replaced:
    A Phone Book! A “Letter”!
    Is “now” really better?
    Or simply a matter of taste?

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m a wreck; I do all things in haste!
    I just cannot keep myself paced!
    First I’m lost then I’m found
    I go spinning around
    Perhaps it’s my mind I’ve misplaced!

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    CORRECTION OF ABOVE LIMERICK

    I’m a wreck; I do all things in haste!
    I simply can’t keep myself paced!
    First I’m lost then I’m found
    I go spinning around
    Perhaps it’s my mind I’ve misplaced!

  28. John Shardlow says:

    It was a smell we couldn’t abide
    Slightly worse than hydrogen sulphide
    It came as a shock
    When he took off his sock
    Like a rat in a hole that had died

  29. Tim Gray says:

    I have an unfortunate affliction
    Made worse by my footwear addiction.
    My husband he cries
    As my feet aren’t same size,
    And he pays for two pairs when I’ve picked ’em.

  30. Ken Gosse says:

    They Don’t Deserve to Honor Me ~
    It seems the Nobel folks debased
    His Great Name—or perhaps it’s misplaced.
    With their footwear in gear
    Deep within ample rear
    Trump will claim it’s the Prize they disgraced.

  31. Our nation has been defaced!
    Our complexion has been disgraced
    By little brown kids
    With folks on the skids.
    A certain Statue must be replaced!

  32. TYPO in L2 … please use this one instead …

    Our nation has been defaced!
    Its complexion has been disgraced
    By little brown kids
    With folks on the skids.
    A certain Statue must be replaced!

  33. Ken Gosse says:

    His Red, White, and Few ~
    Trump’s problem with being two-faced:
    Should his scowl or his smirk be embraced
    When addressing his staff
    With a tweet and a laugh
    As he tells them they’re being replaced?

  34. Ken Gosse says:

    The Case of the Clear Cut Corpus Delicti ~
    All that they found was his footwear.
    Very obvious murder’s afoot there;
    Feet still in his shoes,
    Though they didn’t know whose,
    They concluded that he went kaput there.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    All Teachers Can Relate Improved Limerick

    I taught 40 years and embraced
    The cause that “No schooling’s a waste”
    But my very last day
    I just blasted away:
    “Who GLUED all the ELMER’S MISPLACED?”

  36. John Shardlow says:

    If you’re at Crufts and judging the towsers
    And suspicion of bias arouses
    If it’s not Riband Blue
    ‘Cos they’ve crapped on your shoe
    And been humping the leg of your trousers

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    New shoes always play a great role
    In something called,”Sadness Control”
    They won’t change your life
    But if you feel strife
    They do wonders for lifting your sole

  38. Tony Holmes says:

    I bequeath you my silk underwear,
    All my dresses – and stockings to spare.
    Though your feet are quite neat,
    What they aren’t is petite,
    So, I’ve left all my footwear to Clare.

    Oh, Dear Husband, forebear and excuse,
    But our daughter must have all my shoes.
    It ensures, now I’m gone,
    That my soles will live on;
    Don’t contest this bequest, or she sues.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    For us teachers, the world really rocks
    Cause all of us have a huge box
    So when Christmas is here
    It will always be there
    For tossing in 80 new socks

  40. Tony Holmes says:

    When is better.

    I bequeath you my silk underwear,
    All my dresses – and stockings to spare.
    Though your feet are quite neat,
    What they aren’t is petite,
    So, I’ve left all my footwear to Clare.

    Oh, Dear Husband, forebear and excuse,
    But our daughter must have all my shoes.
    It ensures, when I’m gone,
    That my soles will live on;
    Don’t contest this bequest, or she sues.

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    Poor Prince Charming might struggle today
    As glass slippers don’t hold any sway.
    Cinderella, would stall,
    Might abandon the ball,
    As she’s too busy Choo – sing to play.

  42. Tim James says:

    Her stilettos were stunning. What’s more,
    She had fine thigh-high boots by the score.
    I was truly obsessed
    By the way that she dressed ―
    Because footwear was all that she wore.

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    Sadly, Charming might struggle today.
    The glass slipper’s considered passé.
    “Cinderella! “The ball!”
    ‘Maybe next week – I’ll call.
    I am Choo – sing and can’t get away.’

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    Of all of most parent’s pursuits
    There is one known to cause some disputes
    With the first flakes of snow
    When it’s 20 below
    Helping kids to put on those damn boots!

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    My car keys were strangely misplaced
    So I thought very hard and “retraced”
    Here they are! Thank the Lord!
    Now I can’t find my Ford
    (Something tells me my game plan’s a waste)

  46. There once was a man who misplaced
    his keys on a day he was spaced.
    His wife (named Lenore)
    found them in the front door
    left there when he entered their place!

  47. John Shardlow says:

    The Spooner’s au-pair’s in the dock
    It’s not really come as a shock
    The wife thought she smelled chicken
    But that bitch in the kitchen
    Claimed she was really just cooking his sock

  48. Tim James says:

    The cake on the table was placed
    When the bridegroom approached for a taste.
    But he tripped and went down;
    Icing met face and crown.
    It was all ‘cause his shoes were unlaced.

  49. Margie Nairn says:

    A robber had somehow misplaced
    his gun in the joint that he cased.
    And without his pistol,
    could not nick the crystal,
    so his plan went completely to waste!

  50. Margie Nairn says:

    The cure when you’re having the blues,
    is to go out and shop for new shoes.
    Retail therapy lifts,
    and your low mood then shifts,
    when you’re sportin’ those cool Jimmy Choos!

  51. Ken Gosse says:

    Freedom ~
    DP’s are the butt of the jokes
    Told by some not displaced like those folks,
    Yet with old lives replaced,
    Their endurance has graced
    Us to share what our freedom evokes.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    My weather-proof Gucci’s are cute
    And they sure cost me plenty of loot!
    But while stuck in the mud
    They got all full of crud
    So I’ll have to go back and reboot

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m really not one of those jocks
    Yet I hate when my sister just mocks
    Me. Says I’m not “cool”
    And I look like a fool
    Cause I always wear socks with my Crocs

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    I went to have one knee replaced
    Then my surgeon was vilely disgraced
    Cause when he was done
    He had changed the wrong one
    (I shouldn’t have used Dr. Spaced)

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Version of Previous Limerick:

    I’m surely not one of those jocks!
    But I hate when my Old Lady mocks
    Me. Says I’m not cool
    And I look like a fool
    Cause I always wear sandals with socks

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Issues”

    I wanted my husband replaced
    With a man who has sexier taste!
    But then I rethought
    So I went out and bought:
    A cure that’s called, “Geritol Laced”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: mistake in 4 limericks up: It reads “I really not one of those jocks”
    (first word change) It should read: “I’m really not one of those jocks”
    Could you fix that for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    My life would be so incomplete
    If one day I did not have a treat
    I just look like an ox
    And can’t put on my socks
    Cause it seems I can’t find my own feet!

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    When my grandson was born, RULE: No Shoes!
    (Years ago) We could just not refuse!
    And when he was four
    He ate bugs off the floor
    And real crap from some numerous zoos.

  60. David Friedman says:

    A horse who frequently raced
    Never won, never showed, always placed
    He said “The sad goal
    Of the middle foal
    Is to always be slightly outpaced.”

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    There are so many things I’ve misplaced
    That it makes me feel very disgraced!
    But there is a trunk
    Which contains all your junk
    And in Heaven, you’ll find it encased.

  62. David Friedman says:

    There once was a wealthy young gopher
    Who lived in Shaquille O’Neal’s loafer
    He said, “I can go
    From the heel to the toe
    But only if I call the chauffeur.”

  63. Margie Nairn says:

    In order to dance like Astaire,
    your feet must feel lighter than air.
    It’s all in the shoes,
    so be sure that you choose,
    a stylish but comfortable pair!

  64. Margie Nairn says:

    She wrote down her number in haste
    on a card that he promptly misplaced.
    You could say it was fate,
    they weren’t meant to date,
    ’cause she wrote it in ink that erased!

  65. Tony Holmes says:

    Sadly, Charming might struggle today.
    The glass slipper’s considered passé.
    “Cinderella! The ball!”
    ‘Maybe next week – I’ll call.
    I am Choo – sing – Get OUT OF MY WAY!’

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    “What is it with women and shoes?
    I confess that they faze and bemuse.
    Lingerie? Well, Okay!
    Now I’m eager to play;
    But those clodhoppers? NO! I refuse.”

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    My students have rustic pursuits
    They’re just gettin’ right down to the roots!
    Tomorrow, they’ll go
    To the “Cow Manure Show”
    And wear some cool shit- kickin’ boots.

  68. Tim Gray says:

    Imelda, you know, was my mother.
    She gathered shoes like no other.
    Until, of course,
    This tour de force
    Courtesy of my uncle and brother.

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    Better, I think.

    “What is it with women and shoes?
    I confess that they faze and bemuse.
    Lingerie? Well, Okay!
    Now you’re talking. Let’s play.
    But those clodhoppers? NO! I refuse.”

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    The “Pres” thought he couldn’t be topped
    Yet shortly, his favor just dropped
    So he bought some new shoes
    Thinking “This ploy can’t lose”
    But quickly they flipped then he flopped

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    The Stiff Upper Lip

    When I heard that I might be replaced
    I was shocked but am now fully braced.
    Though to learn via the news
    Of one’s wife’s ‘interviews’,
    Well, I think it in very poor taste.

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    Two In One

    “Rumours bandied about in the news,
    Re my wife’s clandestine ‘interviews’,
    Will be quickly replaced
    With the statement, ‘She’s chaste!
    But admits she addicted to Choo’s’”

  73. David Friedman says:

    A victim of Cosby’s abuse
    Said she wasn’t aware of the news
    Til her drink was replaced
    With a strange aftertaste
    And jello stains coated her shoes.

    (It’s a twofer)

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    Corrected

    “Rumours bandied about in the news,
    Re my wife’s clandestine ‘interviews’,
    Will be quickly replaced
    With the statement, ‘She’s chaste!
    But admits an addiction to Choo’s’”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trying On Shoes!

    I’m walking with such a strange gait!
    These shoes seem to have too much weight!
    They are a bit small
    So I might take a fall
    I’ll Take Them! They sure do look great!

  76. Tony Holmes says:

    From his pulpit, our vicar, white faced,
    Told us all that his bike was misplaced.
    “Thou shalt not…” he chastised,
    But then faltered, with sighs,
    As at seven his ‘cycle was traced.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Line 2 and 5 from 10/30 6:46 pm

    My students have rustic pursuits
    They’re gettin’ right down to the roots
    Tomorrow they’ll go
    To the “Cow Manure Show”
    Wearing really cool Shit-Kickn’ boots

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    A variation on the theme.

    “One among us, it seems is disgraced,”
    Said the vicar, “my bike is misplaced.”
    ‘Thou shalt nots’ he intoned,
    But at seven, he groaned,
    As at that point his ‘cycle was traced.

  79. Margie Nairn says:

    Footwear theme

    Trick or treating on Halloween night
    I was caught by a curious sight.
    I just stood there gawking,
    saw empty shoes walking,
    then fainted away from sheer fright!

  80. Margie Nairn says:

    Twas a test that the teen could have aced.
    Read the book upon which it was based.
    He prepared for the test
    and knew more than the rest,
    twas the time of the quiz that he spaced!

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    A holiday table with taste
    Must have ornaments carefully placed
    Next to everyone’s setting
    And thus you’ll be letting
    Your family steal them with haste.

  82. Ken Gosse says:

    WKRP Insanity ~
    For Thanksgiving, the turkey was basted,
    then dumped into hot oil and was wasted
    when it flew through the air
    (quite a news-chopper scare!)
    and with twelve cans of Spam was replasted.

  83. Ken Gosse says:

    Don’t Board in the Rain ~
    If he once knew, they’re long since erased—
    the instructions which we all have aced:
    how to close an umbrella,
    all alone, acapella,
    But he’ll tell us, “The door was misplaced.”

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    The wedding was perfectly paced
    Her veil just so gorgeously placed
    Her dreams have come true
    Then he gives the ring to
    The bride he’s already debased.

  85. Ken Gosse says:

    Barefoot on a Lark ~
    When Manafort dropped his first shoe,
    He wasn’t quite sure what to do,
    So he jumped in a chair
    And gets pushed everywhere—
    Til the judge gets to drop his shoe, too!

  86. Ken Gosse says:

    Too Much Beauty in the Beast ~
    The limerick I wrote, fully graced
    With jewels and gold unabased,
    Was so heavenly blissful
    That I’d be remissful
    It if wasn’t quickly replaced.

  87. Sharon Neeman says:

    Twofer — and a true story — ten years gone and I still miss my St. Bernard:

    He ate socks, yarn, and library paste,
    Then wondered how slippers would taste;
    My lumbering pet
    Is off to the vet,
    And I’m getting my house shoes replaced.

  88. Sharon Neeman says:

    “The short name for autumn, ‘the fall,’
    Is not about dead leaves at all,”
    I muse as I trip
    (Wearing slippers — they slip!),
    ‘Cause the floor’s now too cold in the hall.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    His hands were so tenderly placed
    On my breasts, then we madly embraced
    As we walked towards the bed
    I said, “Don’t worry, Fred
    I’m a nun from the “Wholly Unchaste”

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    We bet on a horse to be “placed”
    Fifty bucks, (didn’t think it a waste)
    Then my date zoomed away
    (Put on quite a display!)
    She thought I said, “win,”show” or “chased”

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought that I surely had “aced”
    That test, (I was wrong; I’m disgraced!)
    My “prof” said, “Now, Joe
    I insist that you go
    To Room B where all brains are misplaced”

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Alternate Ending To Above Limerick, Lines 4 and 5

    I thought that I surely had “aced”
    That test, (I was wrong; I’m disgraced!)
    My “prof” said, “Now Joe
    It is time that you go
    To Room B where dead brains are replaced”

  93. Kirk Miller says:

    When eating a hot dog, I’d die
    If condiments Mom would apply.
    Then one day when she placed
    On my plate, yellow paste,
    I mustard the courage to try.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    “High Jumpers” (the trendiest fad)
    They’re sneakers that “make you feel glad”
    Took my kid. Saw the price.
    Then I told him real nice:
    “You know, son, I’m not your real Dad”

  95. John Shardlow says:

    I offered him boots up to the thigh
    But he turned them down with a sigh
    “Buy them half an inch shorter,
    They make my eyes water
    And my plan to have kids, sent awry”

  96. Tim James says:

    Footwear, sort of…

    Those in Boston are off on a toot;
    Angelenos, though, won’t follow suit.
    All their hopes have gone south
    And they’re down in the mouth
    ‘Cause the Red Sox just gave ‘em the boot.

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    Resting On Your laurels/

    My wife said – and said it straight-faced,
    “I should warn you, you may be replaced.
    I’ve been testing all week,
    For the model I seek,
    And today you were nearly outpaced.”

  98. Margie Nairn says:

    Footwear theme

    A shy crook who hailed from Beirut
    hid his parrot inside of his boot.
    So when he’d go walking
    his feet did the talking,
    “Hand over the cash, or I’ll shoot!”

  99. Margie Nairn says:

    The woman had no time to waste,
    wrote her email and used ‘cut and paste’.
    The receiver was sure
    her intentions were pure,
    but her note was in very poor taste!

  100. Jean McEwen says:

    Dr. Freud claims I’ve simply displaced
    My anger toward mom on the waste
    Products floating around
    In my toilet. Profound?
    Probably not; I may just be debased.

  101. Jean McEwen says:

    Dancing Debbi, performing with poles,
    Likes stilettos—spiked heels and thin soles.
    They’re extremely exotic,
    But she needs an orthotic;
    She really should try Dr. Scholl’s.

  102. Ken Gosse says:

    The Wrong Thong Song ~
    Have I misplaced the link? Let me think …
    Did I drop it in Mom’s kitchen sink
    While I washed out the thongs—
    for her feet, not my gongs—
    because some of them started to stink?

  103. David Friedman says:

    Said a personal ad that was placed
    By a woman some said was unchaste:
    They think I’m immoral
    But I’m only oral
    With men of impeccable taste.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    I don’t want to have any fights
    With my 5 year old, (She has her rights!)
    But it’s over the top
    Just to take her to shop
    For sneakers embellished with lights.

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    She pretends to be very strait-laced,
    And her scoldings leave many red-faced.
    But the source of her ire
    Is unruly desire;
    And the guilt for these urges, displaced.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    My cell phone! It’s always misplaced!
    I search for it each time in haste!
    So once and for all
    It’s affixed to the wall
    There’s just nothing like duct tape and paste!

  107. Al Tecacca says:

    Your belief in a bright future’s misplaced
    ‘Cause the Constitution’s being debased.
    It’s just beginning to dawn,
    Our President’s Putin’s pawn
    And all that we hold dear may be erased.

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    Redressing The Balance

    He pretends to be very strait-laced,
    And his censure leaves many red-faced.
    But the source of his ire
    Is unruly desire;
    And the guilt for these urges, displaced.

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cinderella, she sure had the blues!
    She’s the girl who all folks would abuse
    But something that’s true
    (And which nobody knew)
    She was just in the story for shoes.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Darling, I have such good news!
    I’ve found us a house with nice views:
    There’s a bedroom for us
    And of course, one for Gus
    Then another one just for my shoes!

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    I walked barefoot alongside The Mews
    And then suddenly had some good news!
    Saw a man with no feet
    Sitting down on a seat
    (Gave me all of his shoes, marked “Unused”)

  112. Tim James says:

    A woman preferred to stay chaste
    Before marriage. She therefore replaced
    Standard nookie with head.
    What’s the news from her bed?
    Word of mouth: she’s a gal of good taste.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    THE TRUTH!

    From New Jersey, I’ve sure been displaced!
    And now in Chicago, I’m based
    Where a wallet’s a “folder”
    Wow! Here it’s much colder!
    Can’t figure it out. (What a waste)

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    “THE TRUTH PART 2”

    From New Jersey, I’ve sure been displaced
    And now in Chicago I’m based
    Where soda is POP!
    Oh just PLEASE make it STOP!
    (But in truth, they both have the same taste)

  115. Tim James says:

    His heart quite excitedly raced;
    Then he reached out his hand, which he placed
    Where it didn’t belong.
    So she booted his schlong.
    But the worst thing he faced? He got maced.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you want a real sleek tiny waist
    All the food you eat must be replaced
    By crap that is boring
    But please try ignoring
    The fact that it ain’t got no taste.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    There is something my beau’s never faced
    And it’s silly to feel so disgraced!
    The first time he called
    He said, “I’m not bald;
    It’s just that my hair’s been misplaced”

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    In high school, I knew all those “stats”:
    I was smart, and I NEVER wore hats
    The guys were so small
    And me: REALLY TALL!
    So I owned 99 pairs of flats.

  119. Tony Holmes says:

    My wife said – and said it strait-faced –
    “I’m upgrading, so you’ll be replaced.
    I’ve been testing all week
    For the model I seek,
    And today you were clearly outpaced.”

  120. Kirk Miller says:

    When I practice debate, I am placed
    Right in front of a mirror, a waste.
    Seems I’m always wincing,
    Not at all convincing.
    I’m one-sided and really two-faced.

  121. Tony Holmes says:

    My wife said – and said it strait-faced –
    “I’m upgrading, so you’ll be replaced.
    I’ve been testing all week
    For the model I seek,
    And today you were clearly outpaced.”

    In the light of this news, my heart raced.
    Was she Joking? Could I be erased?
    What to do? I must train –
    Get my oomph back again.
    Oh, relief! She reprieved when I placed.

  122. Tony Holmes says:

    When in public she’s very strait-laced,
    And her scoldings leave many red-faced.
    But in secret, she gloats
    Over sowing wild oats
    Is her guilt for these urges displaced?

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    Our tryst! It was real fine and dandy
    And roller skates sure came in handy
    When I heard the key click
    I just spun away quick
    The problem’s I’m still feelin’ randy.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Footwear

    My mother just always complains!
    Says I steal all the shoes she obtains
    I was feeling so fraught
    Cause last night she caught
    Me lovin’ her new mary janes.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    My life is a damn total waste!
    All the money I stole has been traced!
    I’m just running amok
    And the “L” in my luck
    With an “F” it has now been replaced.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Suggestions are always a waste!
    Cause everyone has different taste!
    I won’t grant concessions
    I WANT my expressions
    Which autocorrect has replaced.

  127. Fred Bortz says:

    If you didn’t vote, don’t claim you’re blameless
    For electing a liar so shameless.
    Our nation’s disgraced,
    So he must be replaced.
    You know who, so let’s just leave him nameless.

  128. Fred Bortz says:

    He punted from where it was slick,
    Caught his cleats, broke his leg like a stick.
    While his fracture was healing,
    He was asked, “How ya feeling?”
    “Pretty good,” he replied. “I can’t kick.”

  129. Ken Gosse says:

    Give a Hoot–Give ’im the Boot ~
    A sure-win, in slang, is a shoo-in,
    When something’s afoot that they’re doin’.
    The Russian’s big feet
    Kept their Trump from defeat
    Now it’s time to cook broth they can brew in.
    [Shoo-in: a sure-win, from rigged racing where a horse could be “shoo’d” or startled into the lead (probably not by shouting) much like we might “shoo” a pesky fly, cat, or spouse.]

  130. Tim Gray says:

    Promise Keepers said, “You be chaste.
    Don’t dally and end up disgraced.”
    So I took an oath
    To be chaste till my troth…
    Pity! Now I’ll end up red faced.

  131. Tim Gray says:

    Another version of the above…

    Promise Keepers said, “You be chaste.
    Don’t dally and end up disgraced.”
    So I took an oath
    To be chaste till my troth…
    Like the others, we’ve all been two faced.

  132. Tim Gray says:

    I tripped and by accident placed
    My hand on an Arab girl’s waist.
    You should have heard her
    Screaming blue murder…
    By her uncle, father and brother I am chased.

  133. Tony Holmes says:

    ‘Tootsies’ is an informal word for feet in the UK. I think it may have other connotations in the U.S.

    A girl to her Jimmy’s is wed.
    Some, I’ve heard, even take them to bed.
    If a choice must be made –
    ‘Buy more Choo’s or get laid?’
    Every girl by her tootsies is led.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fifty years ago: had to wear “peds”!
    If you tried on some pink or blue Keds
    But now shoes cost more
    Just to walk in the store
    One can get a bad case of “The Dreads”

  135. Tony Holmes says:

    Mostly, men are indifferent to shoes;
    Don’t expect them to gush or enthuse.
    Faced with, “Shoes, or get laid?”
    It’s a cert’, I’m afraid,
    That he follows his Jimmy and screws.

    But a girl to her Jimmy’s is wed.
    Some, I’ve heard, even take them to bed.
    If the choice must be made –
    ‘Buy more Choo’s or get laid?’
    Every girl by her tootsies is led.

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our daughter’s a “shoe freakin’ hoarder”
    (But most of the time we ignored ‘er)
    Made her go to the shrink
    And he told us, “I think
    She’s got “La Loubotin Disorder”

  137. Tony Holmes says:

    “Tell me, ladies, why do you mistreat
    Those exquisite appendages, feet?
    Bunions, corns, hammer toe.
    All for what? Don’t you know
    That you cripple yourselves for conceit?”

    “When you’re born, they are beautifully cast.
    Made by Nature a life-time to last.
    Had Ma Nature foreseen
    Those distortions obscene
    She’d have left you with stump ends, aghast.”

  138. Tony Holmes says:

    When they said that I ought to be chaste,
    I took umbrage and had them replaced.
    I’ll forego food and drink,
    But my manhood will shrink
    If my physical needs aren’t embraced.

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    “No Love Letters For Me”

    Pat Boone! Wow, he wore those white bucks!
    But his looks were just really the crux
    So handsome was he
    Wanted him all for me
    But I was too young, (Well, Aw Shucks!)

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh”

    This gent wears tan shoes with pink laces!
    And Boy, he can run all those bases!
    Has a polka dot vest.
    This guy sure is the best
    With him I could really go places!

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick:
    Can you please replace the word “Gotta” with “Has a” in line 3?

    So it will read: “Has a polka dot vest”

    Thank You,
    Lisi

    ******

    Done

  142. Tim Gray says:

    The height of human stupidity
    When caught in the grips of cupidity.
    Sense is replaced
    As the heart raced
    Unaware of pending perfidity.

  143. Tim Gray says:

    Trump was riding rough-shod
    Trampling all that’s decent and good,
    But he’s cobbled together
    His “Hell for Leather”
    To a path that’s becoming well trod.

  144. Sharon Neeman says:

    Put your boots, sneakers, slippers or shoes
    On your feet — then walk, run, drive or cruise
    All the way to the polls,
    Vote out Trump’s mangy trolls
    And put “blue” (and not “red”) in the news!

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    The UK rendering.

    Mostly, men are indifferent to shoes;
    Don’t expect them to gush or enthuse.
    Faced with, “Shoes, or get laid?”
    It’s a cert’, I’m afraid,
    That he follows John Thomas and screws.

    But a girl to her Jimmy’s is wed.
    Some, I’ve heard, even take them to bed.
    If the choice must be made –
    ‘Buy more Choo’s or get laid?’
    Every girl by her tootsies is led.

  146. Lisi Nortman says:

    Years ago she had very good news!
    And also stupendous reviews!
    She felt so enslaved
    But finally saved
    By the power of “Ruby Red Shoes”

  147. Lisi Nortman says:

    For all “film buffs” “Caine Mutiny” rocks!
    It’s a movie that often just shocks!
    One star is a man
    Whose first name is Van
    And his trademark’s a pair of red socks.

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who Is This?

    She sang a nice song ’bout a boot
    And everyone thought she was cute!
    Her mom: also Nancy
    (Yet not really fancy)
    And daddy, (Morone!) Lots of loot!

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    What Movie Is This?

    Their bodies were slyly replaced
    By duplicates, clearly debased
    The ones still not caught
    Were anxious and fraught
    In the end, all but one, were disgraced.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    You still will be able to taste
    All the food on the table that’s placed
    Yet corn on the cob
    Might be quite a tough job
    If your mom made you get your teeth braced.

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Footwear Theme)

    Here’s ballet shoes on my condition
    You follow the dancing tradition:
    There’s first up to five
    For which you shall strive
    But don’t you dare try SIXTH POSITION!

  152. Gina Buselli says:

    It was time for the turkey to baste
    To bring forth some magnificent taste
    When it dropped to the floor
    Yummy bird was no more
    With damn take-out the bird was replaced

  153. Gina Buselli says:

    Down the hall the two little boys raced
    Lego trucks, tiny cars neatly spaced
    Evenly, set to go!
    One car went missing, though
    In little boy’s ear, it got displaced

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    The shoe salesman sure did abuse
    Me: Forgive him? I down right refuse!
    Said my “feet were so large
    That they look like a barge”
    “Go try “Paddles Are Us” for canoes”

  155. John Shardlow says:

    They say horseshoes can bring you good luck
    But some old traditions, they suck
    If you’re needing more proof
    When attached to a hoof
    They can leave you face down in the muck

  156. Gina Buselli says:

    When I don my three inch dancing heels
    Way too high, amusing it all feels
    And I hear cha cha’s call
    I mere chase, slip and fall
    On invisible banana peels

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Better Limerick)

    The Land Of Oz brought forth good news
    (Incidentally such good reviews!)
    She felt so enslaved
    But was finally saved
    By the power of “Ruby Red Shoes”

  158. Gina Buselli says:

    The boy with the marmalade shoe
    Got some game and wanted to screw
    He tried kissing a girl
    Who spat, “My name is Earl!”
    He wasn’t prepared for that slew

  159. John Shardlow says:

    Old joke ‘limericked’

    A girl trying trainers (hair light)
    To squeeze them on feet was a fight
    The salesman’s murmur
    Was, “Pull the tongue out further”
    Said the blonde, “I sthtill think the thshoes are too tight!”

  160. Tim James says:

    This Election Day wasn’t a waste,
    With a large part of Congress replaced.
    As with many a House,
    It was time to de-louse.
    This new government’s much less debased.

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    I made dinner in just too much haste
    On my cutting board carefully placed:
    Was some lettuce and cheese
    And then came my sneeze
    That meal had one real gunky taste.

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “Match” date was so cheap when he
    Took me bowling at “Strike Jubilee”
    Claimed, “This place is first rate
    And the thing that’s so great
    Is they give you the shoes here for free”

  163. Jim Kimes says:

    Beyond the Veil

    The ring, on my finger, he placed;
    After the “I dos,” we embraced.
    Can this romantic scene,
    Remain ever serene?
    Only till he learns I’m unchaste!

  164. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Chelsea Boot” (ankle high with elastic side panels)

    Saw Bill Clinton, (He’s still kinda’cute)
    He was wearing a charcoal gray suit
    Hangin’ out with his daughter
    And that day her bought ‘er
    A totally cool Chelsea boot

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    I stopped dancing and had the mean blues
    My life was a flood of bad news
    Two years had gone by
    All I did was just cry
    Then at last found my sweet old soft shoes.

  166. David Friedman says:

    I fear we are currently faced
    With an earth that will soon be replaced
    With poisonous waves
    That waft past our graves
    Of toxic industrial waste.

  167. Kirk Miller says:

    If you find yourself singing the blues
    ‘Cause you’re way overweight, put on shoes.
    Try to walk and diet;
    I suggest you try it,
    Because what have you got to lose?

  168. Margie Nairn says:

    The Dems picked up seats in the race
    putting 26 new members in place
    But Sessions’ been canned
    and Acosta’s now banned
    they sure come and they go in this place!

  169. Margie Nairn says:

    An athlete had dreams that she chased
    gave her hope for the challenge she faced,
    she just wouldn’t settle
    till she won the gold medal
    in all the events that she raced.

  170. Lisi Nortman says:

    I really feel so sympathetic
    My shoes simply look just pathetic
    I gave them their shot
    And it did help a lot
    But still they remain diabetic.

  171. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think I will give her a call
    Said on “Match Love” we’ll “just have a ball”
    Took off her high heels
    And then she reveals
    She’s only two god damn feet tall.

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    ‘Bout shoes, here’s a word to the wise:
    For ladies I strongly advise
    Don’t think about pain
    It’s so hard to explain
    If you like them, just buy every size.

  173. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad Line 2 of above limerick should not read:
    For ladies I sure do advise. It should read: For ladies I strongly advise.
    Could you change it ?
    Thank You, Lisi
    ***

    Done

  174. madkane says:

    UPDATE!!! ANNOUNCEMENT: DUE TO FAMILY OBLIGATIONS, I MUST POSTPONE THE DEADLINE FOR THIS LIMERICK-OFF BY ONE WEEK. THE NEW DEADLINE IS SAT. NOV. 17. RESULTS TO BE POSTED ON NOV. 18. MY APOLOGIES!

  175. Ken Gosse says:

    Hoping All’s Well That End’s Later ~
    Our Limerick-Off deadline’s displaced
    By a calendar which was repaced
    by a family matter.
    Don’t worry, Mad hatter—
    More time means more limericks embraced.

  176. Tony Holmes says:

    You Are Forgiven _ Hope It’s Nothing Bad.

    As the deadline approaches, we’re braced,
    Never thinking it might be replaced.
    Forced to wait, hopes on hold;
    Seven days – who got gold?
    Were we mentioned or were we unplaced?

  177. Tony Holmes says:

    More Dramatic

    As the deadline approaches, we’re braced,
    Never thinking it might be replaced.
    Forced to wait, hopes on hold;
    Seven days – who got gold?
    Were we mentioned or were we disgraced?

  178. Tony Holmes says:

    Seven days is a long time to wait
    With these fortnight-old rhymes on my plate.
    Creativity’s paced
    For when rhymes are replaced;
    And I’d just finished wiping the slate.

  179. John Shardlow says:

    The Waterloo plans, ‘down the chute’
    With tactics, not so astute
    Nap’s army defeated
    His ass carefully seated
    On the toe of the Wellington boot

  180. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Jellies” A Molded Plastic Sandal

    If pumps were intended for pumpin’
    And jellies intended for jumpin’
    It makes perfect sense
    Thus accordingly, hence
    That heels were intended for humpin’

  181. Tim Gray says:

    On Ancestry Dot Com I traced
    My family, and ended red faced.
    It seems that no other
    Than my dear brother
    Has offspring that leave him disgraced.

  182. Tony Holmes says:

    As the deadline approached, my heart raced,
    Never thinking events had outpaced.
    All my hopes have been dashed;
    Creativity’s crashed;
    I’m on hold till the rhymes are replaced.

  183. Tony Holmes says:

    If tongues is fer lickin’ and talkin’,
    And peepers fer squintin’ an’ gawkin’,
    Then it follows – there’s clues –
    That without, or with, shoes,
    Yer feet is fer smellin’ an’ walkin’.

  184. Tony Holmes says:

    Instant Correction

    If tongues is fer lickin’ and talkin’,
    And peepers fer squintin’ an’ gawkin’,
    Then it follows – there’s clues –
    That without, or with, shoes,
    That feet is fer smellin’ an’ walkin’.

  185. Tony Holmes says:

    If tongues is fer lickin’ and talkin’,
    And peepers fer squintin’ an’ gawkin’,
    Then it follows – there’s clues –
    As they come, or with, shoes,
    That feet is fer smellin’ an’ walkin’.

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    I guess I just wrote this in haste!
    Cause it turned out to be in bad taste!
    “For my sister, a horse”
    “Happy Birthday, of course”
    (I think that some words were misplaced)

  187. Lisi Nortman says:

    More Explicit

    My son said, “Please take off your shoes”
    “Baby Jack might get germs, don’t refuse!”
    And when he was four
    He ate bugs off the floor
    And real crap from some numerous zoos.

  188. Lisi Nortman says:

    My sweetheart cannot be replaced!
    Her face looks like fossilized paste!
    Her skin is all gray
    But as some people say:
    There is just no accounting for taste.

Leave a Reply