Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DATE or SEDATE at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DATE or SEDATE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to AFFAIRS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best AFFAIRS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 19, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 18, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I’ve some traits that refuse to abate.
For instance, I’m far from sedate;
Never calm, nor unhurried,
I’m rarely unworried.
Want evidence? Check with my mate.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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153 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DATE or SEDATE at the end of any one line”

  1. Brian Allgar says:

    “Fifteen minutes the Queen made me wait!
    I thought I had got the wrong date!”
    Donald’s lying; he knows
    That the video shows
    It was he who was twelve minutes late.

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    With six bankruptcies, Trump still declares:
    “I’m the greatest at business affairs!”
    Now we wait for the date
    That he bankrupts the state.
    “Hey, that’s business,” says Donald. “Who cares?”

  3. Patrice Stewart says:

    Great-Aunt Mildred Startles Anna

    She declared, “I tried being sedate
    In my protracted search for a mate;
    Was advised to just wait,
    My virginity, bait.
    But at ninety, it now seems too late!

    So, young thing, I urge you to defy it.
    If he likes you enough, dear, he’ll buy it:
    I refer to the ring
    That he’ll slip on your fing-
    Er. Have sex now? Heck, yes, why not try it?!”

    So Anna went home, deep in thought,
    And determined she wouldn’t get caught
    With her panties down. Why
    Not give petting a try?
    She soon found that she liked it a lot.

    It was hard to draw back from the brink
    When stirred up, but she made herself think
    Of her plans, and went steady:
    Well-off nice guy Eddie.
    Great-aunt gave the nod and a wink
    (Anna, nineteen, so pretty in pink).

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    “An affair to remember”, he said
    As his lover lay panting in bed.
    “You’re disgustingly plump
    In the chest and the rump,
    But, dear Donald, you sure give great head.”

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    “That Putin affair went so well!”
    Said the Donald. “Of course, I can’t tell
    You the things that were said,
    Or I might end up dead,
    But he says what I gave him is swell.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    The doctors had tried to sedate
    Donald’s ravings of anger and hate,
    But he’d scream and he’d swear
    Till they got him to wear
    A new jacket – the kind that is strait.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    He was having a torrid affair
    With a bimbo. He’d stripped her quite bare
    When his wife came home early,
    Screamed “Who is this girly?”
    “Some kind of nude burglar, I swear!”

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Time’s Running Out” we gals date!
    (It’s essential to find the right mate)
    He might be “top-notch”
    But we still wear a watch
    To make sure that we’ll be home by eight

  9. Val Fish says:

    The wife got wind of our affair
    When she came across a blonde hair
    In the marital bed
    (She’s a flaming redhead)
    It’s au revoir to the au pair

  10. Val Fish says:

    As best man, I have to attend
    My guilt’s driving me round the bend
    The bride to be’s
    Been shagging me
    Now she’s marrying my best friend

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    She wanted to have a great fling
    “Dear Hubby, I need clothes for Spring!”
    “Let’s see what you bought!”
    (Oh dear! I’ve been caught!)
    But then claimed she could “not find a thing”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    His life-style is very sedate;
    He claims to work early till late,
    Never leaving his chair,
    But the reason he’s there?
    So obese that he can’t relocate.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    “Let me give you the latest update”,
    Said Sanders. “The People all hate
    You journalist guys
    With your Fake News and lies –
    You’re their Enemy … Fox, though, is great!”

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    Through the years, I’ve had many affairs,
    It’s the truth, I’m not putting on airs,
    Now I’m so much older,
    But still feel the smolder,
    As long as I’m wanted, who cares!

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    You’re as sweet as a fig or dried date,
    But your intellect’s up for debate.
    You’re naive; way true trusting,
    Your politics: disgusting!
    You can’t tell the real thing from gold plate.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Online I have found a nice date
    And Wow! this guy really sounds great!
    “Now wear a red hat”
    “So I’ll know where you’re at”
    In walked Dad. I’m so mad. HE WAS LATE!

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    The girl had gone out on a date
    With a fellow who taught her to skate.
    When she slipped on the ice,
    He exclaimed “Very nice!
    No knickers! Not here, though – let’s wait.”

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re planning to have an affair
    It’s important to know what to wear
    Either something quite slinky
    Or maybe real kinky
    And “Chanel Number Five” way down there

  19. Val Fish says:

    I’d booked us a suite at The Grand,
    Every detail carefully planned
    I’d not bargained for
    That knock at the door,
    The wife, divorce papers in hand.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a site that’s called,” Find A Nice Mate”
    And this guy sounds just really “first-rate”
    “Now wear a red hat”
    “So I’ll know where you’re at”
    In walked Dad. I’m so mad. HE WAS LATE!

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    I can’t sleep so I try to sedate.
    Pop a pill, then I just have to wait.
    But my mind can’t stop racing,
    Counting sheep? No, I’m chasing!
    Have my own Oxford Union debate.

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ll never forget my first date
    (So nervous, I had to sedate)
    But took too many pills
    And just missed all the thrills
    Nine months later, we had Darling Kate

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: change of one word in above limerick: “I” to “BUT”(line three)

    I took too many pills should be “BUT” took too many pills

    Could you change that for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

    *****

    Done.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Okay, so I cheated on Jack!
    But last night he would cut me no slack!
    He said it’s my fault
    That the roast needed salt
    And I needed to just get him back!

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    This limerick is very meaningful to me because it’s TRUE.
    Our friendship has now lasted for 20 years:

    Fran asked, “How about a blind date?”
    She said that “This guy’s really great”
    He was sightless, you see
    I loved him. He loved me.
    And I feel that our meeting was fate

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s fun when you have your first date
    But PLEASE! Do not come home too late!
    Your Dad will be there
    And you’ll feel much despair
    When he throws your sweet putz in the grate

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    This takes the first prize for a date!
    (The restaurant really was great)
    I asked, “How is your dish?”
    And he said, “Darling Trish”
    “I’ve got too much damn food on my plate”

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Damn! It’s a quarter to eight!
    Once again, I must strongly sedate!
    Bill thinks that I love it
    One day I’ll say, “Shove it!”
    Cause, really he just ain’t that great.

  29. Tim Gray says:

    My speciality is Foreign Affairs
    As I meet with Grace’s and Heir’s,
    But the young wench
    Who out-Frenched the French,
    Also out-paired the au pair’s.

  30. Tim Gray says:

    These pills are designed to sedate,
    I misread how many to take.
    I took the whole box
    Now I’m suffering shocks…
    That might be my last big mistake.

  31. Tim Gray says:

    This pill is meant to sedate.
    I’ve taken a few just of late.
    Whilst I should feel drowsy,
    Weary and wowsy,
    Instead, I feel quite awake.

  32. Tim Gray says:

    Hi, two up, could you put an “are” between “pills designed”.
    Thanks.

    *****

    Done.

  33. Tim Gray says:

    I’ve had the odd Affair.
    My wives don’t seem to care.
    Of course I don’t lie,
    Why would I try,
    I just pay, I’m a millionaire.

  34. Tim Gray says:

    It was quite a torrid affair
    And he was quite “horrid” down there.
    After comings, five
    I felt quite alive
    But now preg’s, a bit worried. Oh dear.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you have your affair with “Sweet Joe”
    You might want to let the man know:
    That you’ve brought your new cell
    Cause you might have to tell
    Your dumb husband where everything goes

  36. In battling our fourth estate
    Trump keeps piling lies on his plate.
    Some tests say “Mueller’s losin’!”
    while some suggest collusion
    and they only agree on the date.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! DIDN’T RHYME! TRY AGAIN!

    When you have your affair, cousin Rose
    Please make sure that your charming date knows
    You have brought your own cell
    Cause you might have to tell
    Your dumb husband where everything goes.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    Please Mister, you must get it straight!
    Certain photos will tend to create
    Some pictures of when
    That cute gal was just ten
    So request one with “Tribune” and DATE!

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    RED LIPSTICK! Oh No! I’m afraid
    To show you the mess you have made!
    My Darling, oh well
    I will just have to tell
    The salesgirl to get me that shade.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    I finally found a nice date
    And hoped it would really be great!
    Even though it was crass
    I just HAD to pass gas
    (I did not know that I would inflate)

  41. Dave Johnson says:

    His girlfriend, demure and sedate,
    Insisted that they’d have to wait.
    Then she saw “Magic Mike”;
    Her reaction was like:
    “I’d love to be setting HIM straight!”

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    She was counting her lovers to date:
    Since the age of fifteen, at the rate
    Of a dozen a year,
    That’s a thousand, or near,
    And she hasn’t yet turned ninety-eight.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s “small talk” on every first date
    So boring, it makes you irate!
    Just pretend you’re engrossed
    And she’ll think you’re the “most”
    Cause buddy, it’s sure worth the wait

  44. Tim Gray says:

    Historic White House affairs
    Are not commonly discussed “Downstairs”.
    One, Bill was his moniker,
    (She played his harmonica),
    Splashed the news in “Current Affairs”.

  45. Tim Gray says:

    The Profumo Affair, though now dated,
    At the time was considered X-Rated.
    Now nobody cares
    Of High Office affairs
    Our sensibility has been sedated.

  46. Tim Gray says:

    Some women now crying “Me Too!”
    Forget to Tango takes two.
    Nowhere does it state
    ALL the men did sedate,
    The problem could be lack of “Woo-Hoo!”

  47. Tim Gray says:

    My Stormy affairs are just great,
    (Unlike Bill* I don’t have to sedate),
    But things couldn’t be worse
    After Miss Universe
    Now Putin’s got his White House date.

    *Cosby that is

  48. Tim Gray says:

    “Woo-Hoo”, from the top of the stairs.
    “M’ Lady!” said buttle, all ears.
    The Lord of the Manor
    Was on the piana
    Taking care of “Domestic” affairs.

  49. Jean McEwen says:

    Sylvester asked Grace on a date.
    In hopes she’d agree to fellate
    Him (once suitably smashed
    And a smidge less abashed).
    So he plied her with gin and V-8.

  50. Jean McEwen says:

    Sylvester’s had multiple flings.
    Defying convention, he swings!
    He’s has threesomes galore;
    Special fondness for four.
    His motto? No strings and no rings!

  51. Tim Gray says:

    I was talking to my best mate
    About a blonde girl for a date.
    Said, “Not Goldilocks?
    She’ll give you the pox!”
    I said, “Damn, I think it’s too late!”

  52. Tim Gray says:

    Of Bunnies, I might have said eight,
    Compliments of Hugh…, The Late.
    I’m a model Playboy
    And they all enjoy
    My performance. They think that I’m great.

  53. Tim Gray says:

    “Oh Honey, what is the time?”
    “It’s eight! There’s the clock! Are you blind?”
    “Damn, you said eight,
    We’re running real late.
    Yes I am! Do I need to remind?”

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    “You’ll find I’m a wonderful date”
    “And my dear, I must say, you look great”
    “Please don’t mind if I’m jumpy;
    “Or get kind of grumpy”
    (I just broke out of prison upstate)

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Wow! Did I have one cheap date!
    I’ve never been so damn irate!
    He asked me to drive
    At the “thru window” dive
    So that I’d pay the $2.98

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    He found out ! And I cannot pretend
    But I DON’T want this romance to end!
    I just had a thought
    Even though I got caught
    I’ll tell hubby that he’s “JUST A FRIEND!”

  57. Dave Johnson says:

    Whenever they happen to meet,
    He tells her “We must be discrete.
    These moments we’ll share
    With the utmost of care;
    “Cause Mueller has eyes on the street.”

  58. Larry Robert says:

    I once asked my wife, “Tell me straight.
    “What did you think of our first date?”
    “We met and we danced,
    “Your moves weren’t advanced
    “and years later you’re much more sedate.”

  59. Tim Gray says:

    All of those nubile young beauties,
    Just performing their pageantry “duties”.
    So what some were laid,
    They were very well paid
    By Cohen, who silenced those cuties.

  60. Tim Gray says:

    Men, I am starting to hate.
    They keep asking me out on a date.
    I have this to say….
    Please, I AM NOT GAY
    Don’t assume, ’cause I’m young that I’m bait.

  61. Tim Gray says:

    Hi, The last one… could you change the last line to:
    Don’t assume, ’cause I’m young that I’m bait.

    *****

    Done.

  62. Dave Johnson says:

    Melissa, while out on a date,
    Ran into her ex-husband Nate.
    And with him, a doozy;
    This tattooed, young floozy
    Who comes with an hourly rate.

  63. Sharon Neeman says:

    Shrieked the pretty young mom to the banker,
    “Oh, well, really! You could have been franker!
    When you said ‘an affair,’
    You meant ‘stick your thing there?!’
    Take your home loan and shove it, you wanker!”

  64. Sharon Neeman says:

    Damn, Mad, I left the end quote off the fifth line. Can you fix it? Thanks!

    ****

    Done.

  65. Sharon Neeman says:

    Smiled one Smithie, “I think it’s just great
    That the Prof asked you out for a date!”
    Frowned the other, “It’s awful!
    It shouldn’t be lawful
    For men to presume that we’re straight.”

  66. Tim James says:

    An idiot had two affairs:
    With a porn star and Playmate. Who cares?
    Well, for starters, his wife.
    For the rest of his life
    It appears that he’ll need thoughts and prayers.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh look! There’s my cute “Match Love” date
    Says she “loves to have sex” (just can’t wait!)
    But it seems to appear
    That there’s two of them here!
    (I’ve been cursed by “Ye Ole Wingman’s Fate”)

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    The attorney set out with his date
    In high hopes that they might ‘conjugate’;
    But the lady demurred
    Saying, ‘No, she preferred
    To remain in her ‘uncoupled’ state.’

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Meeting up with a cool guy named Nate
    Very cute (says he dances real great)
    Seems he once was a Prince
    Has been traveling since
    “OH HIM ??” He’s “like” EVERYONE’S date!”

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just came from my “Ray Bolger” date
    As a genius, this man ain’t so great
    I asked, “Do you read?”
    He said, “Oh yes indeed”
    “And I also can count up to eight”

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    I know what to ask my new date!
    I surely know how to relate!
    “Is your underwear clean?”
    (“I really do mean)
    “Do you wash everyday or just wait?”

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    I’m making America great;
    Which all of the globalists hate.
    They think I should play
    Nice with Merkel and May;
    For that, I would have to sedate!

  73. Tony Holmes says:

    Puritanical pater, Gil Spate,
    Hard of hearing, misheard, “masticate.”
    “ONANISM IS WRONG!
    If you cannot be strong,
    Then you leave me no option: Sedate!”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s time for my “worldly” blind date!
    French restaurant known as “Le Gate”
    “My usual, please”
    (He says with such ease!)
    Rice Krispies on Bugs Bunny plate

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Thanks for asking me out, (Is it “Nate?”)
    “Oh yes, and you look lovely, Kate”
    Do you know someone hot?
    Who could hit my right spot?”
    (And that was the end of the date)

  76. Dave Johnson says:

    The stockbroker’s screener did rate
    A colleague he wanted to date.
    Analysis said:
    “If he takes her to bed,
    There’s a 1% chance she will mate.”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Have a seat and we’ll chat” (“Oh just great!)
    “My dear I am telling your straight:
    I have a big dick
    So let’s get to it quick
    “Gotta go cause my dog has a date”

  78. Tim Gray says:

    You seem in a bit of a state?
    Did you have a really bad date?
    The date, it was hell,
    The dirt and her smell,
    Held my nose till my score got to eight!

  79. Tim Gray says:

    I was on this really bad date,
    Had to leave, claimed was something I ate.
    He just talked of fame…
    Oh yeah, Trump was his name,
    And the lies, even with his face straight.

  80. Tony Holmes says:

    A VERY SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS

    That his manhood refused to inflate
    Was the source of much heated debate;
    “It ignores my command,
    Will not rise on demand,
    And withstands all inducements, to date.”

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you go on a sickening date
    With a guy who you THOUGHT was so great
    You should teach him real good
    Just the way that you should:
    And “Unfriend” him so he’ll get it straight

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you have a real torrid affair
    When it’s over, you’ll need some “repair”
    Put your lipstick on nice
    Wash off all the Old Spice
    And then say “The Supreme Cheater’s Prayer”

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    Thanksgiving! (Oh Yuk, not real great)
    But it seems to be everyone’s fate
    Then you bring pumpkin pie
    And say, “Hi Uncle CY”
    Who’s already real mad at Aunt Kate

    The “fix’ins” are now on your plate
    Yet Aunt Gertrude still seems so irate
    She won’t sit next to Honey
    To whom she loaned money
    Happy Holiday!! TIME TO SEDATE !

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    New and improved.

    A VERY SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS

    That my manhood refused to inflate
    Was the source of much heated debate;
    “It ignores my command,
    Will not rise on demand,
    And disdains all allurements, to date.”

    “Oh, please, do, join the club: speculate.
    It you think it will help, cogitate!
    Share your thoughts on what might
    Cause my wick to ignite –
    Just be careful you don’t emulate.

  85. Tim Gray says:

    I’m beginning to self-flagellate.
    I don’t seem to be getting a date.
    I don’t think that I’m fussy
    In my need to check pussy
    To ensure they’re the sex that they state.

  86. Jim says:

    There was,a young lady named Kate
    Met a young man they had a date
    Movie and ice cream parlor
    Sitting close loving ardor
    Scared him away for her no mate
    ..

  87. Jim says:

    There was,a young lady named Kate
    Lonely smelly for her no date
    Female hobo was she
    Hung her clothes on a tree
    Pigsty town she hopped on a freight
    ..

  88. Jim says:

    There was a young lady named Kate
    She was so careful what she ate
    Not too much salt or fat
    Had everything just reit
    But alone she blew her intake
    ..

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    Improved Overnight

    A VERY SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS

    That my manhood declines to inflate
    Is the source of much heated debate;
    “It ignores my command,
    Will not rise on demand,
    And disdains all allurements, to date.”

    “I might never again copulate,
    So, please, do, join the club, speculate!
    Share your thoughts on what might
    Cause my wick to ignite –
    Just be careful you don’t emulate.”

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    Affairs Of The Heart

    Said the Marquis, addressing his wife,
    “Ouch! My Dear, that’s a very sharp knife!”
    Seems the lady’d got wind
    That the Marquis had sinned
    With a woman who wasn’t his wife.

    Said his lady, addressing her lord,
    “Just be grateful it isn’t a sword.
    Do not worry, you goat,
    I’m not cutting your throat,
    But I might take the tip off your sword.”

    Said the Marquis, now shaking with fear,
    “Let’s not jump to conclusions, my Dear.
    I was under duress…
    I HAVE SINNED! I CONFESS.
    But I’m better a bull than a steer.”

    Said his lady, caressing the blade,
    “We are married and so our bed’s made.
    I will give you one chance:
    If you lead me a dance…
    You’re on notice – be very afraid.”

    So, the Marquis remained with his bride
    And abandoned his bit on the side.
    Though temptation was rife,
    He could still feel the knife,
    And was true till the day that he died.

    Alternative ending:

    So, the Marquis remained with his bride
    And was true till the day that he died.
    And he never could tell –
    Things were going so well –
    That his wife had a bit on the side.

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    To her friends she had seemed so sedate,
    Not a gal much inclined to predate.
    But the day she met Ron
    Something switched to ‘full on’;
    Now poor Ron is the man that she ‘ate’.

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    No – This One

    When with friends she was prim and sedate,
    Not a gal much inclined to predate.
    But the day she met Ron
    Something switched to ‘full on’;
    Now poor Ron is the man that she ‘ate’.

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    Hampton Pilbeam was very irate
    When a rival snuck off with his date.
    “Bugger ‘Live and let live’!
    No, I will not forgive!
    Bastard’s pilfered the tip from the plate.”

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re “number two” at “Speed Date”
    The process will not let you wait!
    If you like “number three”
    And think, “He’s just for me!”
    He’ll already be married to “eight”

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    A GERMOPHOBE? Please do not date!
    Just listen, girl: I’ll tell you straight!
    I went out with a GEEK
    (Not to mention a FREAK)
    He brought his own spoon, fork and plate.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a guy in this town: DO NOT DATE!
    At first, he will seem really great!
    He’ll say, “Hi my name’s Tommy”
    And then call you his “mommy”
    (Just not a cool choice for a mate)

  97. Jim says:

    There was a young lady named Kate
    Careful what she ate sooo sedate
    Not too much salt or fat
    Had everything just reit
    But alone she blew her intake
    ..

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: three limericks up, I used the wrong word! (lines three and four)

    It reads: I went out with Mikey
    This guy was a PSYCHE

    It should read: I went out with a GEEK
    (Not to mention a FREAK)
    He brought his own spoon, fork and plate

    Could you please change that for me? Thank you, Lisi

    ******

    Done.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    There are three of us on this first date
    You, me and your iphone, “PLEASE WAIT!”
    “I am getting a call”
    “And it says that it’s “Paul”
    “Please excuse me, my Dear, Darling Kate:

    Now I ask you but don’t be irate
    Let’s have dinner, so we can relate
    Can you turn that thing OFF?
    She says with a scoff
    (It’s called “Twenty First Century Date”)

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    I spotted right there in the lobby
    A real sexy girl with My Bobby!
    “I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!”
    “SOME FLOOZY YOU’RE SCREWING!”
    (“RELAX, Babe, it’s just my new hobby”)

  101. Ken Gosse says:

    A Bouquet of Neglect Me Nots, or What’s WaPo Got that Mad Ain’t Got? ~
    I’ve been there, done that, as they say,
    (only WaPo’s, not Mad’s, by the way.
    My affairs? Out of date,
    but if I stay up late
    then perhaps today might be the day.)

  102. Tim Gray says:

    My name is Nathaniel, but friends call me Nate.
    Do your friends use Katherine, or call you Kate?
    Well Nate, they say Kathy,
    I don’t think you’d like Nathy,
    If you like Nate, use Kate for this date.

  103. Tim Gray says:

    “I am real hungry” he said. Ate
    All the food on his plate.
    Burped a real doosie
    Then ate his floosie
    Whose follicles tickled his pate.

  104. Tim Gray says:

    We first met on a speed date.
    A fast blast, it was just great.
    Now we speed orgy,
    That is the story…
    We must dash, we’re both running late.

  105. Tim Gray says:

    I was going on a speed date.
    I stutter, so speaking’s not great.
    I recorded my spiel
    On an old reel-to-reel
    To play back at a fast rate.

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    Once my Granny has set up a date
    It’s in stone, she will not deviate.
    Nature, try what it may,
    Has no pow’r to delay;
    Even Death wouldn’t dare make her late.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    Instant Revision.

    Once my Granny has set up a date
    It’s in stone, she will not deviate.
    Nature, try what it may,
    Has no pow’r to delay;
    Death himself wouldn’t dare make her late.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    You’re ready to have your affair!
    (First meet at “The Pub On The Square”)
    And then drop your jaw
    You spot mother-in -law
    Sitting down in a really close chair

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just had a real terrible date!
    That makes five? NO! That’s SIX of them straight!
    But I will not fret
    Cause it’s now time to get
    A CAT and just stay up real late!

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    My love affair’s down to the “dregs”
    Which brings up a question that begs:
    Am I really not hot?
    Or just merely forgot
    That essential task! (shaving my legs)

  111. Dave Johnson says:

    A traveling salesman named Rex
    Was having some parking lot sex.
    In the heat of it all,
    He butt-dialed a call
    That went to his soon-to-be ex.

  112. P Diane Schneider says:

    SeaTac Airport

    An employee considered sedate
    Went off to his job through the gate
    Then purloined a plane
    Taxied down a lane
    And took off resigned to his fate

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Darling Eve, shall we go on a date?
    Gee Adam, it’s just not our fate!
    The men from before
    Really gave me much more
    “Oh Babe! “Your head ain’t on real straight!”

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: line three should read:
    The men from before, not THEN men from before!
    Could you please fix it for me?

    Thank you, Lisi

    ***

    Done.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    This chick! She won’t go on a date!
    I asked seven times, (maybe eight)
    At last she revealed
    (Said that “Life’s not “concealed”)
    And your backround check’ just ain’t that great”

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    La Affair

    Our marriage now feels incomplete!
    My husband just might be a cheat!
    He wasn’t aware
    I was standing right there
    When he did the “BIG E-MAIL DELETE”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Version

    Darling Eve, shall we go on a date?
    Gee Adam, it’s just not our fate!
    The guys from before
    Really gave me much more
    “Oh Man!” Is it something you ATE?”

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    A more obvious version of “dumb date”

    Glad I’m back from this real stupid date!
    As a genius, this guy ain’t so great!
    I asked, “Do you read?”
    He said, “Oh yes indeed”
    “And I also can count up to eight”

  119. Tim Gray says:

    He’d lost it. Was having a spate
    Of anger, re: tardy date.
    Complete lost the plot,
    In anger besot
    At barely two minutes late.

  120. Patrice Stewart says:

    Eddie’s Too Ready

    He promised his mind, soul, and heart;
    But in hindsight, that wasn’t too smart
    ‘Cause his latest affair
    With their Danish au pair
    Told his wife things were falling apart.

    She walked in and found him upended
    On their bed, where Anise bare-ly tended
    His distended member:
    A day to remember?
    Or not. The least said, soonest mended.

    So Carolyn left that same day,
    Intending to move far away.
    Maybe Iceland! Hmm…France?
    Have a torrid romance?
    But she knew if she ran, in some way

    She might never be free of the past.
    Had she really thought Eddie would last
    Through the decades? Well, no.
    He’d put on a good show,
    But once Carolyn saw, she learned fast…
    (She’s in Norway now, having a blast).

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Darling, you look like a star!
    What is this? It’s a text from the bar!
    It says, “Hi, from your wife”
    “Hope you have a good life”
    “You JERK! I can see where you are!”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hey Jack! Can’t believe that she knew!
    And, of course, now she tells me we’re through!
    She showed me a pic
    Of me kissing that chick
    Which she got from her Google “Street View”

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband’s just going to hell!
    He thinks that I really can’t TELL?
    Says he” must take a plane
    To his work branch in Spain”
    He cleans tables at damn TACO BELL!

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is something I’d like to relate
    Don’t agree? Yet I’m telling you straight:
    People marry because
    They’re just taking a pause
    From that pain in the neck, known as DATE

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    Another minor revision.

    Once my Granny has set time and date
    It’s in stone, she will not deviate.
    Nature, try what it may,
    Has no pow’r to delay;
    Even Death wouldn’t dare make her late.

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    Texas Style?

    When a gal, at the end of a date,
    Finds her bull wants to kick down the gate;
    Knows his ardour, once roused,
    Will refuse to be doused,
    What else can she do but castrate?

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve been told that to find a nice date
    You should go to the market “real late”
    Cause that’s when a guy
    Will sure give you “the eye”
    And then you will know it’s your fate!

    So I went to the “Shop-Rite” on State
    Then hoping to meet someone great:
    This dude in the line
    Who just looked mighty fine
    Said, “Nice melons, Babe; how ’bout a date?”

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    Found pink panties right under my bed
    Did I holler or scream? No! (instead)
    On Facebook they went
    Cause my dear hubby Trent
    Seems to go for a big “center spread”

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    I asked my real cute “fix-up” date
    This question: (“Please answer me straight!”)
    “Is it boxers or briefs?”
    “Cause I have strong beliefs”
    “And I want a real tighty-white mate”

  130. Dave Johnson says:

    While out on their very first date,
    She told him “I have to relate –
    Some features you’ll feel
    Might not be quite real;
    Another is there to inflate…”

  131. Tony Holmes says:

    Much better, I think.

    Should your daughter come home from her date,
    Telling tales of ‘a bull at a gate’.
    What’s a father to do?
    Well, between me and you,
    Take that ‘bull’ by the horn and castrate.

  132. Val Fish says:

    An affair may seem like a thrill
    Trust me, it’s a given, you will
    Rue the day
    You played away
    When handed a huge divorce bill

  133. Dave Johnson says:

    He’s basking in amorous bliss;
    With just an occasional hiss.
    Assured that his date
    Will forever be great;
    For she’s an inflatable Miss.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    Scenario Gone Bad

    So far, it’s a really nice date!
    Then here comes the check. You both wait.
    She grabs in her purse
    And now what could be WORSE?
    He sits there and just takes the bait

  135. Tim James says:

    When Nathaniel goes out on a date
    He displays a despicable trait.
    All he wants is to screw;
    All his dates post #metoo.
    The misogyny’s truly inNate.

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: two limericks up, line two
    “Now here comes the check” needs a first word change to “Then” here comes the check”
    Could you change that for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

    ***
    Done.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    A ROSE! for our very first date!
    (To impress her; Oh Man! that’s so great!)
    She gobbled it up
    Like a real hungry pup
    I then bolted and hopped on a freight

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    Her language skills, not being great
    This is ALL that she said while we ate:
    “YOU’RE KIDDING? ME TOO!
    I’M “LIKE” TOTALLY YOU!”
    Who the HELL set me up on this date?

  139. Dave Johnson says:

    I’m sure that I’ll always be great
    At running affairs of the State.
    Why, just on a whim,
    I’ll call Putin or Kim;
    Together, we’ll set up a date.

    Then off to the meeting I go;
    I’ll have some agreements to show.
    The look in their eyes,
    They can see I’m so wise;
    Just THRILLED by who they’ve come to know!

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “fix-up” was very sedate
    I’m impressed by that wonderful trait
    He did not make a peep
    He was just fast asleep
    OH MY! What a real boring date!

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! TRY AGAIN!

    My “fix-up” was very sedate
    I’m impressed by that wonderful trait!
    He did not make a peep
    He was just fast asleep
    I will now eat the food from his plate

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    IT’S WRONG AGAIN! (wrong tense)

    My “fix-up” was very sedate
    I’m impressed by that wonderful trait
    He did not make a peep
    He was just fast asleep
    So I then ate the food from his plate

  143. Tim Gray says:

    I get paid for spending my time
    Dating men way past their prime.
    They think they’re ten rated,
    They’re more like sedated
    But the money makes life real sublime.

  144. Tony Holmes says:

    Affairs Of Fate

    The virago offended The Fates
    Who take sides with the men she berates.
    They turn cock to capon –
    So she can’t turn them on,
    And present her a stick that vibrates.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    Affairs Of Fate – Revised

    The virago displeases The Fates
    Who take sides with the men she berates.
    They turn cock to capon –
    So she can’t turn them on,
    And present her a stick that vibrates.

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m aware of those girls who gyrate,
    Who for some, I am told, fascinate;
    But the girl I desire,
    Is a lass who’s on fire,
    But pretends to be shy and sedate.

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry – I’m so impetuous!

    I’m aware of those girls who gyrate,
    Who, for some, may be quite adequate.
    But the dame I desire,
    Is a lass who’s on fire,
    But pretends to be shy and sedate.

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    What can I ay? I’m a revisor.

    I’m aware of those girls who gyrate,
    Who, for some, may be quite adequate.
    Not for me! My desire
    Is the girl who’s on fire,
    But pretends to be shy and sedate.

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    You should see my new mistress, (Oh Josh!)
    This gal has one certain “panache!”
    So my wife just can’t know
    I’ve been giving her dough
    And insisting I do all the wash.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you have the “affair of your life”
    You don’t want to cause any strife
    When you play with “Miss Flirty”
    And get down and dirty
    Don’t tell her she smells like your wife

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE ( correction lines 2 and 3)

    You should see my new mistress, (Oh Josh!)
    This gal has a certain panache
    So my wife will not know
    I’ve been giving her dough
    And insisting I do all the wash

  152. Tim Gray says:

    To date, or not to date?
    That is the question I state.
    Whether nobler as single
    Than a desperate mingle
    And trusting to Tinder, my fate?

  153. Tim Gray says:

    “My Dear, you’re really a Tweet”
    Stormy Daniels sends to her sweet,
    “I’d like a life
    As a Trumpian wife
    But we both know you’re a big cheat.”

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