Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to OPERA, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best OPERA-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Sept 2, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 1, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Make me sales chief, and no more delay!
See my hair? The wait’s turning it gray.
I deserve that promotion;
I’ve shown my devotion.
Better brace for commotion, if “nay.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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132 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line”

  1. Ken Gosse says:

    With deference to Tosca, a touch of hidden harmony (recondita armonia).
    Recondite Armory ~
    There once was a dark, stormy knight
    Who knew trivia which he would recite.
    In densest of battle
    Spewed operatic prattle.
    His knowledge was so recondite.

  2. Ken Gosse says:

    All Romance is Aleatory ~
    A famous bullfighter of yore
    Took a chance on a local amor.
    But Carmen, though charmin’,
    Was always alarmin’
    Her aleatoryadore.

    A word of explanation: I wrote this in ’06 to help remember the definition of ‘aleatory’ for an insurance license exam. Most insurance is aleatory: each party agrees to take a chance on profit or loss. From Merriam-Webster: Aleatory – depending on an uncertain event or contingency as to both profit and loss.

  3. Ken Gosse says:

    (You can sing this to its own tune.)
    This Ain’t Necessarily So ~
    There’s a musical limerick we know,
    Called “It Ain’t Necessarily So,”
    Where DuBose, George and Ira
    Make Sport of a liara
    Who wanted sweet Bess for his ho.

  4. Ken Gosse says:

    Raging Bollocks ~
    ’Millo poked the bulls with a sword,
    But with Carmen, his short sword had scored.
    In his chaotic love
    José killed his sweet dove
    Then confessed to the exiting horde.

  5. Ken Gosse says:

    A recent operatic parody. It might not fit the contest, but what the heck–it’s fun!

    His Taint Necessarily Shows ~

    His taint necessarily shows,
    His taint necessarily shows,
    For those he’s selected
    To please The Elected
    His taint is so bright that it glows.

    His hands are quite small, but oh my!
    His hands are quite small, but oh my!
    He grabbed Evil Hill’ry—
    She lost at the pill’ry—
    His tiny hands sure made her cry!

    He thinks he’s a giant white whale,
    He thinks he’s a giant white whale,
    He moved to the White House,
    “The Dump.” Now he’s chief louse
    And tells everyone he can’t fail.

    He’s usually found on a green,
    He’s usually found on a green,
    Nine holes cost a fortune,
    But Fake News? Importune!
    And that’s why he stays on his green.

    They’re all Putin’ on their best airs,
    They’re all Putin’ on their best airs,
    Ten applicant’s waitin’
    For this son of Satan
    To grab them by their curly hairs.

    To enter his clan
    You tell him, “You’re the man!”
    Then help lower the bar in the swamp.
    Adjust to the meaning
    Where his truth in leaning
    And you’ll have a very short romp.

    He’s well over two-hundred pound,
    He’s well over two-hundred pound,
    But he serves as proctor
    For his spokesman-doctor
    Who says that he’s fit, very sound.

    They’ll lie for him all night and day,
    They’ll lie for him all night and day,
    The truth don’t abide there—
    It’s never applied there—
    They’ll say what he tells them to say.

    He tweets every night in a dream,
    He tweets every night in a dream,
    Thumbs nightmares nar’cistic
    While tweaking his joy stick,
    His tweets all come from that bad dream.

    We’re singin’ this song ’cause we know,
    His taint nece—taint nece,
    Taint nece—taint nece,
    Taint necessarily shows!

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Since the Knight was out jousting all day,
    The young Minstrel would sneak in to play
    With the Lady, though not
    On the harp; they were hot
    For the game they called “Have it away”.

    But alas, to their utter dismay,
    The Knight had come home at midday.
    With his sword, at one stroke,
    He unmanned the poor bloke,
    So that was the Minstrel’s Last Lay.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    At the opera, my wife is in clover,
    And she’d dragged me to something called “Trova …”
    When the fat lady sang,
    To the exit I sprang,
    Believing the damned thing was over!

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the Donald, “I never use spray
    On my hair, ’cause the hookers I lay
    Stop me looking too old;
    With their showers of gold,
    I’m bright yellow instead of pale grey.”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m giving you strong opposition!
    I won’t call upon your physician!
    So just cough up that phlegm
    Like that chick in “Boheme”
    Who crooned with a real bad condition

  10. Patrice Stewart says:

    Inexperienced On A Friday Night

    He consoled himself: I’m a good lay
    Though girls let me pay, then walk away.
    De lay o’ de land
    Is right here in my hand
    On demand! I’ll get lucky someday.

  11. Patrice Stewart says:

    He leered: Babe, I need a good lay
    And I need it tonight, right away!
    She sniffed, See that hand?
    Use it now, on demand!
    While you’re at it, step out of my way.

  12. Patrice Stewart says:

    Just Can’t Wait

    She welcomed him home with a lei;
    They had sex on the carpet (dark grey)
    And looked up: all was quiet,
    Then laughter: Let’s try it!
    The airport cops took them away.

  13. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’m giving you strong opposition!
    I won’t call upon your physician!
    So just cough up that phlegm
    Like that chick in “Boheme”
    Who crooned EVEN WITH HER condition!

  14. Patrice Stewart says:

    She smiled wickedly: Father, may
    I go up to the attic to play
    With the toy I’ll find there?
    Hubby grinned: That’s your bare
    Teddy bear, who would love a quick lay!

  15. Patrice Stewart says:

    Shy Boy in the Brothel

    She smiled: Is it something I said?
    Your pants fit so tight, you’ve turned red.
    He: I’m willing to pay
    For a slow, awesome lay
    But a hand job could do me instead.

  16. Dave Johnson says:

    Performing with symphony strings
    In discomfort an itch often brings,
    He scratched with his bow
    Thinking no one would know;
    But zippers are weird-sounding things.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    I had teased that we’d both get a lay;
    Wore a lei at a picnic that day-
    A theme party in the park,
    While his fun was after dark.
    I ended up hot mosquito prey.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    I love opera, but one large caveat-
    Hope I’m not an uncultured brat.
    The soprano’s high screech!
    Are my ear plugs in reach?
    Sounds like the heat shriek of a cat.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    “These opera la-la-la-la men!”
    Snarled Trump, who’d been forced to watch “Carmen”.
    “The idiot stabbed her!
    He shoulda just grabbed her
    Like I do. The girls all say “Amen!”

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Madame Butterfly had a hard life
    Which was filled with much sorrow and strife
    This gal went berserk
    Cause her “hub” was a jerk
    And returned with another damn wife!

    Now feeling so very ignored
    (Her hopes and dreams never restored)
    She said, “This is it!”
    “I just can’t take this shit!”
    But then really screwed up with that sword

  21. P Diane Schneider says:

    If I give an order OBEY
    Why can’t I just have my own way?
    Witch Hunt takes too long
    I’ve done nothing wrong
    And some question why the delay?

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    Don Giovanni was borne down to Hell
    For his sins, yet he takes it quite well.
    “At first I was mad,
    But it isn’t too bad –
    I’m surrounded by women who fell.”

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Wolfgang Mozart said, “All girls are cute”
    With that statement there was no dispute!
    But this guy screwed around
    Got a bug real profound
    Then was struck by a strange magic flute

  24. P Diane Schneider says:

    To those who LOVE opera I say
    Here’s how you can have it your way:
    If it’s me that you send
    The show will never end
    As the fat lady I’ll sing? No way!

  25. Richard Campbell says:

    The opus in D.C.’s a ring ding;
    Stars an orange-haired mad moron — a Ling Ling,
    Hope it ain’t a long run,
    But this opera ain’t done,
    ’Til the fat fool is singin’ in Sing Sing.

  26. Richard Campbell says:

    Please ignore previous entry. I was in a hurry and messed it up.

  27. John Shardlow says:

    Don’t believe all that false propaganda
    Her assets are fairness and candour
    Don’t believe ‘easy lay’
    She makes people pay
    A fortune before they’re allowed to command her

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    One can “launder” the money, they say
    In a totally devious way
    But a man was indicted
    On so many counts cited
    And we know him as Tom Dale DeLay

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    In summertime livin’ is easy
    And even for those who are sleazy
    Like a killer named Crown
    Who would sure make you frown
    (Most people say he was real cheesy)

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: cold you please change above limerick, line one:
    from “In summer” the livin’ is easy to
    In summertime livin’ is easy

    Thank You



  31. Tim James says:

    Hay Mad, I just wanted to say
    That I had to look up the word “ley.”
    What a pain in the ass!
    (It’s land used to grow grass.)
    Please stop horsing around in this way.

  32. Jean McEwen says:

    To help celebrate Valentine’s Day,
    Jay took Rae for a lay in the hay.
    Rae said, “please, Jay, go slow”
    But Jay quickly let go;
    A creampie he couldn’t delay.

  33. Jean McEwen says:

    The tenor starts out with a speech.
    The diva erupts with a screech.
    When not screeching, they’re crooning.
    When not stabbing, they’re swooning.
    Get me out of here now, I beseech!

  34. Tim Gray says:

    I really like tunes by Joe Green.
    (Oh, Giuseppe Verdi I mean).
    I had no Aida
    He too wrote Alzira,
    Stiffelo, Aroldo and Le Trouvère.

  35. Tim Gray says:

    We both sang a sweet roundelay
    As we watched o’er the sheep in the ley.
    And that red sky night,
    (A shepherd’s delight),
    An amorous roll in the hay.

  36. Richard Campbell says:

    This opus in D.C.’s a wingding;
    Stars an orange-haired mad moron — tweet fling king.
    We don’t want a long run,
    But this opera ain’t done,
    ’Til the fat fool is singin’ in Sing Sing.

  37. Tony Holmes says:

    When Griselda, too long left to ley,
    Felt the need of a roll in the hay,
    She’d dispense with demure
    And take steps to secure
    What was needed, the old-fashioned way.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    When one’s stabbed in the back, WOW THAT STINGS!
    The pain is so bad, your heart wrings
    But in opera not so
    When the blood starts to flow
    The tenor gets down and just sings

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    The sign read, “There’s Been A Delay”
    “For Fidelio, Come Back In May”
    “The Composer Is Busy”
    “He’s Really Quite Dizzy”
    “Cause He Can’t Find His Brand New Toupee”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    You claim you’re a “classical” fan!
    Shut your mouth, or get kicked in the can!
    You say, “Phantom’s” the best”
    “Just outshines all the rest!”

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    ELIMINATION OF THE WORD “BUT” line three: three limericks up

    When one’s stabbed in the back, WOW THAT STINGS!
    The pain is so bad, your heart wrings
    (In opera not so)
    When the blood starts to flow
    The tenor gets down and just sings

  42. Lisi Nortman says:


    One can “launder” the money, they say:
    In a totally devious way
    But a man was indicted
    (With other counts cited)
    We know him as Thomas DeLay

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    Without any further delay
    John’s shoes needed fixing TODAY!
    But he had an attack!
    (Six months later came back)
    Then was told, “They’ll be ready in May”

  44. John Shardlow says:

    The Dems suffer arrows and slings
    Whilst the Potus, he seems to have wings
    As tongues start to loosen
    Bob might prove there’s collusion
    It’s not over till the fat lady sings

  45. Brian Allgar says:

    “I’m revoking your clearance today”,
    Said the Donald, “No time to delay!
    You’d like to betray
    Me to Mueller, but hey!
    Without documents, what can you say?”

  46. Tim James says:

    “Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” — Mark Twain

    Sorry, Mark, but you’re way out of bounds;
    Hearing Wagner’s like going ten rounds.
    For days divas sing
    ‘Bout some stupid old Ring
    While Mike Tyson my poor noggin pounds.

  47. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump reviews “Le Nozze di Figaro”

    “This Figaro guy makes me weep!
    His boss simply wanted to sleep
    With his girl. Where’s the prob?
    But this Figaro slob
    Put the nix on the job. What a creep!”

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our love life’s on “long- term delay”
    Hubby’s skills are no longer okay
    His doc said, “My son
    “You’re finished and done”
    He left me last Tuesday. Hooray!

    I didn’t make the change because it didn’t make sense to me meter-wise or meaning-wise. If you still want the change, please explain it to me via email. Thanks

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: line four
    Could you please change: You’re finished and done” You ARE finished and done?
    Thank You


    I didn’t make the change because it didn’t make sense to me meter-wise or meaning-wise. If you still want the change, please explain it to me via email. Thanks

  50. Tony Holmes says:

    Mahalo Hawaii

    Those Hawaiian girls sashay and sway
    While adorning your neck with a lei.
    What they do with their hips
    Has you licking your lips –
    It’s all part of their mating display.

  51. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump turns down an invitation to “Der Fliegende Holländer”

    “Fake News!” cries the Donald. “They’re lying!
    This opera scam? I’m not buying!
    Do they think I’m a fool
    Or a dumb kid from school
    To believe that some Dutchman is flying?”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:


    Attention! There’s been a delay!
    The pilot has gone the wrong way!
    Instead of Peru
    We’re in Kalamazoo
    You may get up to now swing and sway

  53. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump attends a performance of “Die Zauberflőte“

    “Though her singing was more like a hoot,
    The soprano was still kinda cute,
    So after the show,
    I grabbed – well, you know –
    And I showed her my own magic flute.”

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Marquette, Michigan)

    Attention, there’s been a delay
    Your pilot has something to say:
    “We have stopped in Marquette”
    “Cause folks, I must get
    My lottery ticket today”

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    In his coffin, he finally lay
    There just are no words left to say
    A warm loving soul
    (And even quite droll!)
    Good bye, my sweet cockroach, Jose

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump makes sexist remarks about “La Traviata”

    “This hooker they call ‘Traviata?’ ”
    Sneered Donald. “Not even a starter!
    And as for her thighs,
    Have you checked out their size?
    She must need an XXL garter!”

  57. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump imagines himself in “The Seraglio”

    “That girl in the harem was ripe!
    A sweet little blonde, just my type.
    If I was the Pasha
    I’d grab her and flash her,
    And soon get her smoking my pipe”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    That Carmen was one nasty chick
    She slipped out of prison real quick
    But wasn’t so wise
    Cause she juggled two guys
    Then got sent to the farm by a pick

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh here your are, Sweet! Is it “Jay?”
    I’ve got blindfolds and ropes,(an ARRAY!)
    “Mam, you misunderstood
    “See, that stuff’s not real good:
    I’m just here for an old-fashioned lay

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    To diet, you gotta’ have “mettle”
    So Baby, just step on that PEDAL!
    No cookies or cake!
    And for damn goodness sake
    Do NOT go see “Hansel and Gretel !!

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Sportin’ Life talked all that jive
    You know what I mean: (Gimme Five!)
    This guy was no wimp
    He was also a pimp
    Oh My Goodness! What wonderful drive!

  62. Tim Gray says:

    There was a transgender named Carmen
    And when she was young was a barman.
    Although very Bizet
    Not in chorus did stay
    But became a “Butterfly” Madam.

  63. Tim Gray says:

    The cat with the large bushy tail
    Would strut on the balcony rail.
    Fan-Tom of the Opera
    Was quite a show stopperer…
    Caused many a diva to wail.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    The opera’s long, (you’ll agree)
    So I have a great plan, (read and see)
    When the overture’s done
    I say, “Time to go “Hon”
    “This tragedy’s too much for me”

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    An athlete called O.J. was fraught
    This man seemed deranged and distraught
    Although was set free
    It is rumored that he
    Saw “Pagliacci” and then had a thought

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Without any further delay
    There is something that I have to say!
    Eighteen months of B.S.
    On the “Donald Express”
    Any GUESS what he tries to convey??

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    A Gentleman’s Response

    When addressed from the top of a dray,
    “Move yor arse, mate! Yor blockin’ my way.”
    I put car into gear,
    Made my feelings quite clear –
    And then moved without further delay.

  68. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump’s illiteracy gives him problems with Henry Purcell’s opera

    “Hey, this opera’s gross! Well, I mean,
    When Dildo’s the name of the queen,
    Don’t ask what she’s doing!
    And also, she’s screwing
    A loser called Anus – obscene!”

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    Always Room For Improvement

    A Gentleman’s Response

    When addressed from the top of a dray,
    “Move yor arse, mate! Yor blockin’ my way.”
    I put car into gear,
    And, my feelings made clear,
    Took my leave without further delay.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    “BOHEME!” “It’s the BEST” (said sweet Jeannie)
    “Now Daahling, I need a martini”
    “The opera’s GRAND”
    “And you MUST understand:
    “My best-loved composer’s Linguine”

  71. Tim Gray says:

    Tom, fan of the opera librett
    Oh, he’s deaf can’t hear a sound yet.
    The music he’ll feel
    In vibrations real
    And lip-reads solo, chorus or duet.

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m the oldest of ten from P.A.
    The “plot” is the same every day:
    All shouting and screaming
    And every one scheming
    (The best opera East of L.A.)

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    We all loved “Aida” (so true)
    And those ELEPHANTS!! WOW!! (liked them too!)
    We were happy that we
    Just for one price could be
    At an opera and a nice zoo

  74. Lisi Nortman says:


    Without any further delay
    There is something we ALL want to say!
    For those golf clubs and shoes
    Which you constantly use:
    Stop making us poor people PAY

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    Giovanni ‘e feel in good voice,
    ‘E sing Tosca, his opera of choice.
    ‘E is in a bad mood?
    ‘E will sing something crude;
    ‘E is ‘appy? ‘E sing to rejoice.

  76. John Shardlow says:

    To be fair, I wrote this about Sweeney Todd, but what are the chances of Mad introducing him?

    A commode in a barber’s an “off put”
    And Figaro’s just had a new chair, but,
    Imagine customer’s terror
    When they’re seated in error
    And asked “Is it a shit or a haircut”!

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Tell the wife that you need a “good rest”)
    Then she says, “Darling Brad
    This one isn’t sad
    And please just go give it a TEST”

    So Falstaff gets thrown in the river
    His fat belly just starts to quiver
    You get a guffaw
    At his many a flaw
    And then tell your wife you forgive ‘er

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Shhh, don’t tell Shakespeare)

    Desdemona was certainly framed
    By a man who was surely untamed
    He made every one sick
    With his handkerchief trick
    And this sneak wasn’t even ashamed!

    So Otello just couldn’t prevail
    And he died at the end of this tale
    (Thought his wife wasn’t true)
    Yet he wasn’t that blue
    Cause Woolworth’s had daggers on sale

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mozart’s “Marriage Of Figaro” play
    Out shined every piece of its day
    But the lust for his mother
    Surpassed any other
    Even geniuses have feet of clay

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    In order to get a good lay
    A woman must have it her way
    “Lots of foreplay, my “Sweet”
    Oh you gave me a treat!
    You did great. That’s enough. Go away.”

  81. John Shardlow says:

    Hope the US know about the UK’s favourite throat lozenger

    Opera’s corny, let’s not pretend
    The fat lady always dies in the end
    But that coughing and choking’s
    Not all down to smoking
    She’d just sucked on a Pearl Fisher’s Friend

  82. John Shardlow says:

    He was playing Nanki Poo in Mikado
    When failing to show much bravado
    As a slap on the wrist
    They gave his gonads a twist
    And now he’s singing soprano

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    The opera? (quite a big stitch)
    Because of this one little glitch:
    The villain was slayed
    With a very sharp blade
    However, this corpse had a twitch

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve decided I will not pretend!
    To like music I can’t comprehend!
    But one thing I do know
    At the opera show
    That damn aria just never ENDS!

  85. Lisi Nortman says:


    The opera? (quite a big stitch)
    Because of this one little glitch:
    The villain was slain
    So he faked real bad pain
    But this corpse seemed to have a bad itch

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    There once was a young lad named Scotty
    Who wanted to match Pavarotti
    But his voice was falsetto
    When he sang the libretto
    (Was one of those creepy castrati)

  87. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’ve decided I will not pretend
    To like music I can’t comprehend
    But one thing I do know
    At the opera show
    The aria just has no end

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s an opera some call “Der Ring”
    And it’s surely a beautiful thing
    You must see it all
    So just go in the Fall
    When you leave, it will then be the Spring

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Mary, just what’s the delay?
    And why do they turn me away?
    “My Dear, there’s a snag
    “To live here at “Old Bag”
    “You at least must have ONE hair that’s gray”

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    The minstrel was happy to play
    Whilst Miss Muffet sat sipping her whey;
    But the moment she stopped,
    Lute and raiment were dropped,
    And the minstrel made good the delay.

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    The minstrel paced, plucking a lay,
    Whilst Miss Muffet sat sipping her whey;
    But the moment she stopped,
    Lute and raiment were dropped,
    And the minstrel made good the delay.

  92. Tim Gray says:

    As an ardent opera buff
    I always like to polish my stuff.
    I know all the majors,
    Conductors, divas, arrangers,
    But of all the men, I just don’t know enough.

  93. Tim Gray says:

    I fell, but with luck my belay
    Stopped my fall, now I’m starting to sway.
    From this rocky outcrop
    There’s a thousand foot drop…

  94. Tim Gray says:

    It’s been a really great day.
    Better than most I can say.
    I’ve had a great meal
    And thankful I feel
    At my execution’s permanent delay.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    The opera’s very profound
    All those suffering “divas” abound
    Something like a divorce
    (When there’s not much remorse)
    And the shrieking just goes round and round

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Donald” was here for a lay
    I was thrilled, cause it just made my day!
    When he pulled down his pants
    I asked, “Pres” any chance
    “That you lost it in Chesapeake Bay?”

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Miss “Lulu” was cute (I agree)
    But what a SEDUCTRESS was she!
    It took forty years
    All at once reappears
    (The composer was stung by a bee)

  98. John Shardlow says:

    Is Mueller giving justice a boost
    With more witnesses being produced
    Turncoats having their saying
    Golden goose is not laying
    Have his chickens come home to their roost?

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    Without any further delay
    Get dressed and we’ll be on our way!
    To a show ’bout the “Pres”
    And everyone says:
    It’s a “bio” called “Great Power Play”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    For our “Night At The Opera” fling
    I’ve decided we’ll go in the Spring
    It’s not at the Met
    On your “LIFE” you can “BET”
    That Groucho Marx really can’t sing

  101. Lisi Nortman says:


    For our “Night At The Opera” fling
    I’ve decided we’ll go in the Spring
    I’ts not at the Met
    On “YOUR” “LIFE” “YOU” can “BET”
    That Grouch Marx really can’t sing!

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    A drone operator at play
    Is flying above where they lay.
    Just hovering now,
    He’s discovering how
    His girlfriend is spending her day.

  103. There once was a woman (they say)
    who Trump tried on like a toupee.
    Alas, poor Steph
    thought game show hosts had depth,
    but he just declared, “What a lay!”

  104. The king of tabloids kept away
    the tale of Trump’s dastardly lay,
    but with a fact checker
    who’s last name is pecker,
    it’s no surprise it happened this way.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Life is short, so enjoy every day!
    Have a BALL! And just do not delay
    Then think of that singer
    (a total humdinger)
    “O’l Blue Eyes” who did it HIS WAY

  106. Tim Gray says:

    — Trump’s Inner Thoughts —

    Hey you people, what’s the delay?
    I say crown me king. Now! Today!
    It’s what you deserve.
    It’s me that you serve,
    And you know I ain’t going away!

  107. Tim Gray says:

    My darling said, “What’s the delay?
    You know we haven’t all day?”
    You know I want to shag ya
    But this bloody Viagra
    Seems to be saying, “No Way!”

  108. Tim James says:

    Eight P.M., and he meets a grim fate:
    Watching opera, coerced by his date.
    He just sits there and glowers.
    Good God, it’s been hours!
    (Though his watch only says 8:08.)

  109. Dave Johnson says:

    To the opera she wanted to go;
    His instant reaction: Oh no!
    (Same time as the game;
    He needs something to blame)
    “My fart medication’s too slow!”

  110. Sharon Neeman says:

    Machination, betrayal and plot,
    Double-dealing and dames who are hot —
    I don’t mean to confuse:
    That’s not op’ra; it’s news
    (Though it *is* hard to tell which is what).

  111. Sharon Neeman says:

    I feel awful! I’m nauseous! Oy vey!
    “Cheetos” gave me such heartburn today!
    (I refer to King Tweet,
    Not a snack people eat
    From a bag that is stamped “Frito-Lay.”)

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    Verdi’s operas have a sweet sound
    (plots from Shakespeare, they’re all so profound)
    But as royalties go
    He just would not bestow
    That playwright one damn single pound

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE:correction of line three

    When one’s stabbed in the back, WOW! THAT STINGS!!
    The pain is so bad, your heart wrings!
    (But in opera: NO!)
    When the blood starts to flow
    The tenor just gets down and sings!

  114. Tim James says:

    Her suspicions he tried to allay
    When she thought he was cheating: “No way!”
    But her cold, angry stare
    Found the lipstick “down there”
    And that blew his whole con game away.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m restless as bugs in a ley
    And jumpy as frogs in a bay
    It feels like the spring
    I can hear birdies sing
    But I know that it just isn’t May

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last week, I was here for a lay
    And, BOY! What a waste of my day!
    You really were slack
    So I want five cents back
    For that style, I will not overpay!

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Hi! Are you here for a lay?
    WHAT? You want me to SCREAM and to BRAY?
    Then JUMP on my HEAD?
    And make just like I’m DEAD?
    (Sounds sensible, Sir, well. OKAY!)

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mom’s “The Soprano Zsa Zsa”
    From a distance we all hear “la” “la”
    But last week she was sick
    And then killed Doctor Frick
    (Knocked him dead, when he asked, “Now say Ahh”

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    Did Romeo Montague get
    A bang with Miss J. Capulet?
    “I really must say
    “That he had it his way”
    “Especially there at the Met”

  120. David Franks says:

    Could I see you at first light of day?
    For my love for you begs me to say
    That my bed is first-class–
    It is big, made of brass–
    And I want you to Lay Lady, Lay.

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    At first, there’s a gossip: MARQUIS
    Then V’s just as sad as can BE
    (Violetta) gets frail
    Does Alfredo prevail?
    “Traviata’s” a mys’try to ME

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you MUST see a Wagner great hit
    You will have to put up with this shit:
    Your hearing will go
    Right there after the show
    Call your E.N.T. lickety-split!

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 50’s to get a good lay
    You would hop in that blue Chevrolet
    Right in the back seat
    All those windows would heat
    As for not getting caught, you’d just pray

  124. Kirk Miller says:

    If this isn’t for you a good day,
    And a screw you do want to delay,
    Though you’re not in the mood,
    Tell your spouse not to brood.
    “Get ahold of yourself!” you might say.

  125. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s an opera singer named Mitch
    Who moreover plays baseball, at which
    He’s a hurler first rate.
    And what makes him so great?
    Like in singing, he has perfect pitch.

  126. Sharon Neeman says:

    Double duty limerick:

    Sneaking in from a casual lay,
    I stumbled — tripped — fell all the way!
    My wife shrieked, “What was that?”
    I sang back, “‘Twas the cat!”* —
    Knowing “Pinafore” saved me that day!

    * A line from the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta “HMS Pinafore”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    The op’ra then dinner” you say?
    My Darling, that’s just not okay!
    I’ll be feeling distress
    And throw up on my dress
    So let’s do it the opposite way.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    When my wife wants a really good lay
    I know I can please her that day
    She just gives me time
    (See, I’m not in my prime)
    So I have what’s called “Ding-Dong Delay”

  129. Kirk Miller says:

    U.S. Congress is one that caters
    To big business. They act like traitors.
    Seems they always delay
    Doing work. People say
    That they ought to be called legis-laters.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    RHYMING ERROR! TRY AGAIN! (line one)

    When my wife’s in that mood, well OK!
    I know I can please her that day
    She just gives me time
    (See, I’m not in my prime)
    So I have what’s called “Ding-Dong Delay”

  131. Kirk Miller says:

    The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
    But they carry a very high price.
    Funding’s frozen and they
    Say expect a delay,
    So the architect puts it on ice.

  132. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 305. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off FEET.