Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Feat or Feet or Defeat at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FEAT or FEET or DEFEAT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to NERVE/NERVES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best NERVE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 16, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 15, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow was hoping to meet
The rich and the highly elite
At a debutante ball,
But had no chance at all;
Two left feet left him bound for defeat.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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145 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Feat or Feet or Defeat at the end of any one line”

  1. Sharon Neeman says:

    Two years on, I won’t lie, fudge or swerve:
    In Bert Lahr’s classic lack of “the nerve,”
    Those cowardly folk
    Who thought “Voting’s a joke”
    In ’16, got us what they deserve.

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    My advice — and I’ll pour it out neat:
    If you hate the one holding the seat,
    Don’t just gripe, bitch or frown;
    Hit the polls! Vote them down!
    You can’t win if you “vote with your feet.”

  3. Mike Moulton says:

    When Vlad says, “Donald, let’s meet.”
    The tone of his voice may seem sweet,
    But when Putin says, “Jump!”
    To President Trump
    He expects him to sit at his feet.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    SHOE SALESMAN

    I tried to be very discreet
    When I noticed some beautiful feet
    But the boss caught me licking
    Then right away kicking
    Me out, (but they tasted so SWEET!)

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    (BETTER “SHOE SALESMAN”)

    I tried to be very discreet
    Every time I saw beautiful feet
    But the boss caught me licking
    And he then started kicking
    Me out, (but they tasted so SWEET!)

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    I met my fiance, “Sweet” Pete
    In Greenland, at “Frosty Retreat”
    We decided to wed
    (But then heard he was dead)
    From a sickness called, “Really Cold Feet”

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    “Some nerve!” whined the Donald. “This guy
    Was no hero. You wanna know why?
    Got captured by Viet,
    Now his final defeat –
    I just can’t stand losers who die.”

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Donald” just ain’t really sweet
    He’s full of self-love and conceit
    But ONE DAY he was meek
    And the crowd could not speak
    Since he rose to this magical feat

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    DOCTOR FERCOCKDER EXPLAINS “SHINGLES”

    The “doc” said, that “Trump just feels dead!”
    “Has shingles, (he’s staying in bed)”
    “They follow a nerve”
    “And so, thus, you’ll observe”
    “This ailment is all in his head”

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    The polar bear groom wouldn’t meet
    His bride; caused the wedding’s defeat.
    She must go with the floe
    Since the groom didn’t show.
    There’s no wedding; the bear has cold feet.

  11. Kirk Miller says:

    In the forest, the driver did swerve,
    Hit and killed sev’ral deer, struck a nerve.
    From the roadkill, he made
    Jars of deer marmalade,
    But it spoiled and he had game preserve.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    (My Town)

    Now who said the Cubs “can’t defeat”
    “Any team, cause they just “can’t compete!”
    But in twenty sixteen
    They got feisty and “mean”
    As the song goes, well “Ain’t That just Sweet!”

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    I’ve become just a bundle of nerves,
    Since our Country’s now governed by perves.
    How much more do they need?
    There’s no end to their greed.
    Not the future the US deserves.

  14. Colonialist says:

    The U.S. Head Honcho looks sweet
    From blonde sweeps to his pudgy retreat;
    His feat is quite neat
    That when he sends a tweet,
    He puts in his mouth both his feet.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    They say that small hands, tiny feet
    Mean small prick-leads to guys’ HUGE conceit,
    So some will compensate,
    Their opponents castrate,
    They do all they can to browbeat.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    (nerve) “Melisse” Santa Monica , CA (chic French cuisine)

    Well, “CHUTZPAH” is something I heard
    It kind of describes the “absurd”
    If you go to “Melisse”
    And order a piece
    Of pizza, you sure fit that word

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    The size of a guy’s hands, cock and feet
    Don’t matter- they take a back seat.
    What counts is technique,
    And that certain mystique.
    And after, will he be discreet.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    In Europe, they’d be out in the street,
    To protest the crimes and deceit
    The government perpetrates,
    The cruel havoc it creates.
    Must resist with our VOTES and our feet.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s something we all can’t defeat:
    Getting older (Don’t feel OBSOLETE!)
    If you’re able to stand
    Give yourself a big hand
    Join the club of the “Aging Elite”

  20. Sharon Neeman says:

    Pumpkins may be attractive to some,
    But that “BOO-tiful Sale!” sign is dumb;
    It’s not “nerve” — not a bit —
    To say “Halloween shit
    Before Labor Day just makes me glum.”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    CORRECTION (LINE 2)

    There is something we all can’t defeat:
    Getting Older! (It just ain’t real sweet)
    If you’re able to stand
    Give yourself a big hand
    Join the club of the “Aging Elite”

  22. POT LUCK

    The Donald is white, rich, elite,
    Thus he never will suffer defeat!
    Forget all the polls:
    The man drives a Rolls
    And gold-plates his toilet seat!

  23. Fiddle Shticks

    John McCain was never a hero,
    ’cause a prisoner is a zero!
    Whereas I am elite,
    he was captured! Defeat?
    I avoided it, fiddling like Nero!

  24. Tim Gray says:

    John was the first one to swerve
    Just couldn’t hold on to his nerve.
    At his first game of chicken
    He got a good lickin’
    But his crash he didn’t deserve.

  25. Tim Gray says:

    Grandma conceded defeat
    As she could find nothing to treat,
    In each big toe dwelling,
    The painful swelling
    Of the bunions on both of her feet.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a story ’bout Great Grandpa Pete
    Who performed a miraculous feat
    Seems Grandma was sick
    (Perhaps, ’twas a trick?)
    He made himself something to eat

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    OUR TEACHER, MR. JONES

    Mr. Jones never thinks on his feet
    His thoughts seem to be incomplete
    Tell the smart kids, “Go first”
    Calls the dumb ones “The worst”
    Says he “sep’rates the chaff from the wheat”

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    The NERVE of him!!

    When married Mom bought us a house
    (A present for me and my spouse)
    Then my brother, “The Slime”
    Asked ‘Ole Ma for a dime
    And I called him a leech and a louse

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hey Husbands!! You will not defeat
    Dear wifey who’s just OH SO SWEET!
    When she says, “Please wear red”
    And you’ve donned blue instead
    Take it off, Sir. You need to retreat.

  30. Tim James says:

    There once was a man who would tweet
    Just as fast as his mind could excrete.
    In most every case
    He had egg on his face;
    In his mouth, both proverbial feet.

  31. There once was a poor athlete
    who ended up losing his feet.
    He was left to placing
    in three legged racing
    which his one-legged wife helped complete.

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    Ev’ry limerick isn’t complete
    ‘Til its rhythm conforms to a beat
    So that every line
    Has a cadence that’s fine.
    All the writers must think on their feet.

    My poetry takes lots of heat.
    The accent on lines doesn’t meet.
    Since the cadence is off,
    All the readers do scoff
    At the agony of de feet.

    My poems have real lousy beat.
    I’m not ready, just now, to retreat.
    I will not give up yet;
    My persistence is set.
    I won’t yield or admit to de-feet.

    My thoughts to pen poems include
    The accents of verse, but I brood.
    I’m afraid that the beat
    Will use bad metric feet,
    Which shows my de-feet-ist attitude.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Got a doggie, I call “Mr. Pete”
    He hates me; I can’t take the heat
    When he sees me each day
    He just runs far away
    (All he likes are my real smelly feet)

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    Getting older is SURELY not sweet
    It makes me feel so obsolete
    My neck: It just sags
    My eyes look like bags
    And my boobs are now down to my feet.

  35. Jean McEwen says:

    I incinerate corpses for hire.
    I just toss them right into the pyre.
    Though some can’t take the heat,
    There’s no place for cold feet.
    I just hold those stiffs’ feet to the fire!

  36. Jean McEwen says:

    If there’s one thing that makes Steve feel queasy,
    It’s the fear that he’ll do something cheesy
    When he’s out on a date–
    Which in turn will negate
    The odds that the girl will be easy.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad:Would you mind changing: Getting older is not really sweet
    to Getting older is SURELY not sweet. line one three up after
    Jean McEwen’s two limericks?
    Thank you so much, Lisi

    ***********

    Done.

  38. Tim Gray says:

    Now we’ve got them completely confused.
    What’s real and what is fake news?
    It’s worked a real treat,
    Goodbye to defeat,
    Just don’t tell the press they’ve been used.

  39. Tim Gray says:

    Now let’s be a little discrete,
    There’s no way I’ll suffer defeat.
    They’re all following me,
    Just wait and see…
    And my fan base won’t vote with their feet.

  40. Tim Gray says:

    Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?
    You’ve obligations to meet.
    Melania My Dear,
    We’ve another EIGHT YEAR!
    Buck-up your demeanour tout-suite.

  41. Tim Gray says:

    Some say my success is a feat
    It’s really quite simple, “I tweet”.
    I give them a blow,
    I hit nasty and low,
    You’ve got to have guts, not cold feet.

  42. Tim Gray says:

    Our obfuscatory ploy
    Is working. The real McCoy.
    It’s working a treat,
    There’ll be no defeat.
    The elections will bring us great joy.

  43. Tim Gray says:

    Well I never! What cheek and what nerve,
    (Though some may say chutzpah and verve).
    But they’ll get their come-up
    When things go amok…
    Then they’ll get what they really deserve.

  44. Tim Gray says:

    Oft I know not where to put
    My poetic iambic foot…
    These metered feet,
    Sometimes replete,
    Can make my rhythm’s all kaput.

  45. Charlie Simmons says:

    The Cannibal being discreet,
    Ate his friend from his head to his feet,
    Next day,belly achkin’
    Feeling guilty and shakin’
    He passed his old friend on the street.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a plan that I think is real neat
    If it works, you will sure be elite
    To win an election
    Thus, not feel rejection
    Tell “Doc” Pod to remove both your feet

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    I resigned, and then gave my boss, “Merve”
    A present he sure did deserve
    He asked, “Just for me?”
    And I said, “Look and see!”
    “For you, it’s my very last nerve”

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 60’s we used the “back seat”
    To get a great sexual “treat”
    But in that Corvair
    It just didn’t seem fair
    There was no place to put our damn feet.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    (nerve theme)

    This guy had the ultimate gall
    To tell me we’d meet at the mall
    I waited one year
    He just did not appear
    (But I bought some cool clothes for the Fall)

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    He thought he was light on his feet;
    With moves that nobody could beat.
    His weird, little dance
    Was a preen and a prance;
    The band leader: “Please take a seat.”

  51. Adrian Lloyd Turner says:

    I thought my new girl was so sweet
    with her cute face and hair done all neat
    but last night, full of booze
    she took off her shoes
    and my god, you should smell her feet!

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Reply To Kirk Miller’s Conundrum:

    “Yes Kirk, it is hard to compete
    With smart guys who think on their feet
    The meter’s just right
    And they’ve all “seen the light”
    Don’t give up, please just follow the beat:

    De Deedle De Deedle De FEET
    De Deedle De Deedle De SWEET
    De Deedle WHATEVER
    De Deedle SO CLEVER
    Good luck, I must now baste my MEAT.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS, Mad: I rhymed beat with beat!
    Could you please change line one of above limerick called
    “A Reply to Kirk Miller’s Conundrum” to:
    “Yes Kirk, it is hard to compete
    and line 2 to: With “smart “guys” who think on their feet
    Thank you so much
    Lisi

    *****

    Done

  54. Tim Gray says:

    With McCain now under six feet
    POTUS Trump can resume normal tweet,
    Extolling his views
    Of himself and Fake News
    And whatever upsets him this week.

  55. Tim Gray says:

    Peeking through keyholes at night
    At young girls in the dim candle light.
    Shouted: “YOU’VE GOT A NERVE
    YOU DIRTY OLD PERV.”
    Gave him one hell of a fright.

  56. Tim Gray says:

    He’s a bit like a five and dime store,
    Cheap and the quality’s poor.
    He’s too hit a nerve
    With his style of self-serve
    And high turnover out through the door.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Now WHO said women are vain?)

    I get weighed at the doctor’s (ain’t sweet)
    Just have gained so much weight (love to eat)
    First I take off my shoes
    (Kinda’ helps with the blues)
    Next visit, I’ll take off my feet

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    When one’s single, it’s sure hard to beat
    The loneliness, (isn’t real sweet)
    So I got me a squirrel
    And then gave it a whirl
    My new buddy just kisses my feet

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    My neurologist, “weird Dr. Irv”
    Will do what he thinks you deserve
    This guy hates to wait
    If you’re five minutes late
    He will give you a punch in a nerve.

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    (nerve theme)

    I love my new cab driver Lenny
    It’s great cause he picks me up, then ‘e
    Says, “Don’t worry ’bout price”
    “It’s free, cause you’re nice”
    I graciously tip him a penny.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Summer’s a great time to meet
    Those ladies who wait on their feet
    So now is your chance
    To find true romance
    YEAH,RIGHT! Sir (Get out of the HEAT)

  62. Dave Johnson says:

    They said he had plenty of nerve;
    It showed as he rounded the curve
    At a very high rate.
    Then he realized too late
    When flying, it’s so hard to swerve.

  63. Tony Holmes says:

    Arnold Mount was so keen to compete,
    Quite convinced that he couldn’t be beat.
    He set off, very fast,
    But, alas, he came last;
    At which point he admitted defeat.

    While his master pursued his amours,
    Ali gossipped, neglecting his chores.
    Had he been more discreet,
    He might still have his feet;
    Makes you glad you weren’t born among Moors.

  64. Tim Gray says:

    I think that I’ve hit quite a nerve
    I’m getting the reaction I lurve.
    The people are angsty
    With many against me
    But this is the way that I serve.

  65. Sharon Neeman says:

    (True story: I had hip replacement surgery on August 9, with an unexpected [but, no worries, temporary] complication… resulting in the following double duty limerick)

    While the doc made my hip new and sweet,
    The retractor that held back the meat
    Pinched a nerve in my thigh,
    And they say that is why
    I have numbness in one of my feet.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    (nerve theme)

    Jane had a big steak at “Le Cirque”
    (We love to play hooky from work)
    That day I was broke
    So I just had a Coke
    She gave me the check. What a jerk.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    The winter is here (snow and sleet)
    New boots for my centipede, “Sweet”
    She said, “Just Designer”
    “Or even much finer”
    (Damn things broke her one hundred feet)

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now here’s one MIRACULOUS feat!
    My husband got up from his seat!
    Said, “I’ll help you, my “pet”
    “So just don’t get upset”
    Then he turned the right dial for “pre-heat”

  69. Tim Gray says:

    Those fight and then who are fleet
    We say that they’ve clay-like feet.
    Those stay the length
    Show feat of strength
    But they risk it all in defeat.

  70. Tim Gray says:

    She’s one of those people, you know,
    Where everything is just for show?
    She models hands and her feet,
    Her head and her teat,
    But there’s a line that she won’t go below.

  71. Tim Gray says:

    I lost both of my legs at the knees
    With a chainsaw while chopping down trees.
    A task I now meet
    Is finding my feet
    After buried by dog if you please.

  72. John Shardlow says:

    Someone else has hit on a nerve.

    A sexy young lady from Brighton
    Her climax was hoping to heighten
    No experience before this
    In his search for clitoris
    She sighed “It’s the button you’re right on”!

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s one thing I just can’t defeat
    And that’s my desire to eat
    I WILL not be fine
    Till I’m back to size nine
    HEY! Anyone here got a treat?

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ms. Hilary could not defeat
    The man who just really ain’t sweet
    It’s too bad that she
    Didn’t know that the key
    To success was the magical tweet

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    Red Carpet Jitters

    It may be that you saw on the news
    That I bungled my chat with Tom Cruise.
    When asked, ‘Hey! Who are you?’
    I said, “…haven’t a clue.”
    P’rhaps I’m not meant to do interviews.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hey, jerks, you must think on your feet
    When you know that you’re going to cheat:
    Do not give her a clue
    And make sure that you
    Don’t come home with the motel receipt.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Adding one word to line four for better meter: “just”

    Hey, jerks, you must think on your feet
    When you know that you’re going to cheat:
    Do not give her a clue
    And just make sure that you
    Don’t come home with the motel receipt.

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    Not by chance are they set far apart
    And ordained to be so from the start.
    Destined never to meet,
    Nose was placed far from feet;
    Consequence of design, not of art.

  79. Tony Holmes says:

    Slightly Improved

    Was it chance that they’re set far apart?
    Or ordained to be so from the start.
    Destined never to meet,
    Nose was placed far from feet;
    Consequence of design, not of art.

  80. Tim Gray says:

    Some may say that it’s really sweet…
    Your offer to massage my feet…
    But as I’m not gay
    Ill have to say nay
    And remember DON’T EVER repeat.

  81. Tim Gray says:

    Pantry inventory: Two pears – of eat,
    Maple syrup – mmm really sweet,
    Carrots and spuds
    Some condiment tubs
    And a cereal made out of wheat.

  82. Tim Gray says:

    Though nails through my hands and my feet,
    You people I’d like to entreat,
    To love your foe
    As a friend that you know
    And in love and in harmony greet.

  83. John Shardlow says:

    Her beard is rough on my cheek
    When wrestling I suffer defeat
    On ‘selfies’ I’m pouting
    I cry when she’s shouting
    No wonder she thinks I’m effete

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here at “Old Age” we have “Meet and Greet”
    We serve coffee and sometimes a treat
    But we all cannot hear
    Even see who is there
    Thus, get kicked by the new tenant’s feet.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now here’s a true factoid ’bout feet
    Without them you can’t cross the street
    But when we get old
    We’re just not that bold
    (We soak them in Epsom and heat.)

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    (nerve theme)

    My date had the out ‘n out gall
    To inform me my “boobs are too small.”
    To which I replied,
    “Oh REALLY? Dear Clyde!
    “Where’s your shlong that I can’t find at all?”

  87. Dave Johnson says:

    Despicable Donald had nerve.
    Along with refusing to serve,
    This sniveling coward
    Kept bragging to Howard;
    Extolling his life as a perv.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    My endeavor to rhyme words with feet
    Is making me feel incomplete
    It’s just not going well
    And here’s how I can tell:
    For 10 days, I’ve been stuck in this seat.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    My life is now truly sublime
    And I must say it’s sure about time!
    My villa in France
    Puts my guests in a trance
    (SAY BRO! Can you please spare la dime?)

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    true story: happened to my mom in 1966. Had a dress shop in New Jersey
    Now THIS took nerve!

    She got me my wedding dress free
    But on the condition that we
    Buy the rest of the clothes
    At her “shoppe” called “La Rose”
    Then to Mexico, we all did flee

  91. John Shardlow says:

    If Ginger and Fred didn’t meet
    And if in ‘Rio’, the band missed a beat
    If their great swing and sway
    Had not won the day
    Those stars wouldn’t twinkle, or feet!

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    I wasn’t happy with the first one.

    Evolution just quick to react,
    Or is Chance guilty after the fact?
    Or did Nose once meet feet,
    Causing Nose to retreat?
    Or did Planning get in on the act?

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    For “Little League” Parents Everywhere

    Who’s the jerk that invented the “cleat”?
    This guy I would sure like to meet!
    ‘Tween those real bulky socks
    And the shoes just like rocks
    (Takes an hour to squeeze in the feet)

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    I get carried away.

    Evolution just quick to react,
    Or is Chance guilty after the fact?
    Or did Nose once meet feet,
    Causing Nose to retreat?
    Or did Planning get in on the act?

    Had Picasso stepped in at that start,
    His particular view to impart,
    We might think very neat,
    Siting nose between feet;
    Having sacrificed function to art.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    The nerve of my date supersedes
    All the others, I call the “cheap breeds”
    I opened the door
    And he said, “Dear Lenore”
    “Here’s a garland of freshly picked seeds”

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! Rhyming Error! (try again)

    The nerve of my date supersedes
    All the others, I call those “cheap breeds”
    I opened the door
    And he said, “Dear Lenore,
    “Here’s a garland of freshly-picked weeds”

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    WELL! John had the ultimate gall
    To tell me I “stink” (That’s not all)
    He said, “Can’t take the smell”
    And I know just damn well
    That this guy hasn’t bathed since last Fall.

  98. Dave Johnson says:

    Bob Woodward is making it clear:
    This nation has plenty to “Fear”.
    Trump’s fitness to serve
    An affront to our nerve
    While the G.O.P. smooches his rear.

  99. Dave Johnson says:

    It was an incredible feat;
    He went to an all-you-can-eat.
    Having plate after plate,
    Then inglorious fate:
    Fork-lifted right out of his seat.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    nerve theme: Girl’s Night Out

    Our waiter last night, (name tag:”Rip”)
    Was a sweetie and smart as a whip
    But the part in his hair
    Wasn’t combed with much care
    So we just couldn’t give him a tip.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Tin Man” was stopped in the street
    By a cop who was walking his beat
    “Pull over, you’re speeding!”
    The driver was pleading!
    “Can’t you see that I have TWO LEAD FEET?”

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Only we who have this know it’s true

    Because of the terrible heat
    I got painful bad burns on my feet
    But “Medicare” said,
    “If by then you’re not dead,
    “Just wait sixty two days, then we’ll treat”

  103. Dave Johnson says:

    Commuter plane – very next seat;
    This hottie he’s trying to meet.
    She promptly rejects;
    It’s his ring, he suspects.
    Comeuppance at 10,000 feet…

  104. Dave Johnson says:

    Some say it would make zero sense;
    Impeachment should never commence.
    To try and defeat
    The commander-in-tweet,
    We’d end up with lick-spittle Pence.

    But others say he would be better;
    He’d follow the law to the letter.
    That might be the case,
    But here’s what we’d face:
    The swamp is still there – only wetter.

  105. John Baylies says:

    You can’t play tennis without raising a racket
    I’ve got a rule book and I’m going to back it
    You can wine you can tweet
    But you’ll go down in defeat
    And you’ll end up in a much lower bracket

  106. John Baylies says:

    I want a campaign folks will notice
    Cyber-bullies should beware of our FLOTUS
    For the plan to succeed
    Her very first need
    Is to hide the phone of the POTUS

  107. Tim James says:

    I’ve got shakes and my thinking is slow.
    My hair’s graying; my nervous tics show.
    Oh, for drug-induced bliss!
    But there’s no pill for this.
    And there’s fifty-six days still to go.

  108. John Shardlow says:

    Tracy gives housework the swerve
    Emin’s unmade bed is her oeuvre
    Stretching artistic license
    With critic’s compliance
    And calling it art, what a nerve!

    Hey Mad, I sent you a tweet
    I’m finding it hard to compete
    Up the creek without paddle
    Is this scraping the barrel?
    Divide yards by three to get feet

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Mama Nerve knows best)

    “Oh Jane! Don’t you know how to dress!
    Just look at your hair! It’s a mess!
    Your make up is gross
    So Good bye, Adios
    Go have fun with your date. (and no stress”)

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    A soothing “good night story”

    Cinderella’s two sisters ain’t sweet
    They practice mean tricks and deceit
    But one day they both stumbled
    And unwittingly grumbled:
    “These shoes are just ‘KILLIN MY FEET!”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    I opened a nice place to eat
    I insist that my patrons look neat
    There’s a sign on the door
    One just cannot ignore:
    “GO ELSEWHERE IF FLIP FLOPS ON FEET”

  112. Dave Johnson says:

    The Temptations were Motown’s elite;
    Defining America’s beat.
    Great hits were the rule;
    Plus, the essence of cool
    Right down to the souls of their feet.

  113. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad – could you please add the following as a continuation of my
    “impeachment” post above (I also forgot the period after “Pence”). Thanks!

    But others say he would be better;
    He’d follow the law to the letter.
    That might be the case,
    But here’s what we’d face:
    The swamp is still there – only wetter.

    *****

    Done.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    At my last “You’re Too Fat Watcher’s” meet
    I saw my optometrist Pete
    Said, “We must have a word”
    “Seems my vision is blurred”
    “When I look down, I can’t see my feet”

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    The NERVE!! Of Them!!

    I had such a god-awful night
    At a restaurant called “La Delight”
    The napkins were pink
    Which did NOT match my mink!
    And the spoons weren’t placed on the right!

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    “ETERNITY”

    Eternity! (sounds just so neat!)
    A “time without end” on your feet
    But when you get wed
    At times you feel dead
    And mortality feels ‘kinda sweet

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    IMPROVEMENT OF ABOVE LIMERICK
    Line Four

    Eternity! (sounds just so neat!)
    A “time without end” on your feet
    But when you get wed
    There are times you feel dead
    And mortality feels ‘kinda sweet

  118. Tim Gray says:

    When he asked me up for a Jive
    I didn’t know if I’d survive.
    His steps were off-beat
    And he stepped on my feet,
    But not bad for ninety and ninety-five.

  119. Tim Gray says:

    He’s incredibly light on his feet,
    But the danseur was very effete,
    And there’s not a chance
    With a partner he’d dance,
    Though his triples were really a treat.

  120. Tim Gray says:

    Some say I had a nerve
    To go backstage and perve.
    What tittle-tattle,
    It’s like viewing cattle,
    To see which ones I would serve.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    My girlfriend’s name is Heather;
    She’s as changeable as the weather,
    But she’s kind of sweet
    In her bare feet
    And we’re going “Hell for Leather”.

  122. Tim Gray says:

    A Nerve?

    This girl, we’ll call her Jody,
    Was a Rolling Stones roadie.
    Assistant to Mick,
    To sit on his dick,
    With others she was really quite toady.

  123. Tim Gray says:

    “I’ll gladly admit defeat”,
    Said Donald, shuffling his feet,
    “If you can prove
    There is no ‘Fake News’
    And can do it right now, tout-suite!”

  124. Tim Gray says:

    Ve first vipe ze hands unt ze feet
    From ze dirt ve picked up in ze street,
    Zen ve say a prayer
    For everyone here
    Before ve zen sit down to eat.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    The opera’s really a treat
    But I couldn’t get out of my seat!
    I tried hard to stand
    And it sure wasn’t planned
    That I’d get Sole Mio Di Feet

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Summary of the Plot of “Happy Feet”
    (2006 Musical Comedy)

    Dear “Mumble” had problems with beat
    Poor penguin just felt incomplete
    (Could not sing on key)
    Tried real hard but then he
    Went to “Plan B” and tried happy feet

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Podiatry School Mandatory Reading, “The Foot Book”

    Dr. Seuss wrote a story ’bout feet
    And Boy! I must say it’s a treat!
    I learned left from right
    (Even tootsies at night)
    So my knowledge is now just complete

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    This monster will just not retreat
    He’ll gobble you up like you’re meat!
    So then take a gun
    Go and shoot the huge one
    Cause remember, he’s not called Big FEET

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    An Improvement? Of Line Five
    Opera Limerick

    The opera’s really a treat
    But I couldn’t get out of my seat!
    I tried hard to stand
    And it sure wasn’t planned
    That I’d get “Sole Mio ‘O Feet”

  130. Sharon Neeman says:

    Though the other trainees were all fleet,
    I outraced them — I knew how to cheat:
    Through the barracks I crept
    (Making sure that they slept)
    And put leeches on all of their feet.

  131. Sharon Neeman says:

    It really does get on my nerves
    To see how male Government pervs
    Think they’re fit to hold power
    But can’t last an hour
    When faced with some cleavage and curves.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just listen we all have to MEET!
    The Donald, we have to unSEAT!
    Our lives are at stake
    So it’s crucial to take
    The world from out under his FEET

  133. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  134. Tim Gray says:

    John thought he was in for a treat
    When invited to an “All You Can Eat”.
    But when he got there
    The cupboard was bare,
    Deplete… certainly no food surfeit.

  135. Tim Gray says:

    Boxing’s a game of hard knocks;
    In main undertaken by jocks.
    You are sure of defeat
    If you don’t stay on your feet
    And you’re risking a head filled with rocks.

  136. Tim Gray says:

    Well you know that I speak my mind
    And some people say that I’m unkind
    I’ve hit a raw nerve
    With not straight ball, but curve
    Do I care? Not at all you will find!

  137. Tim Gray says:

    The candidate faced certain defeat
    Unless she could think on her feet.
    So a course of quick thinking
    So could do without blinking…
    A ploy that worked a real treat.

  138. John Shardlow says:

    Only one of two girls in Crete
    Had clothes that were really discrete
    The sister called Cass
    Wore them up to her ass
    Brigitte’s came down to her feet

  139. John Shardlow says:

    The advert said ‘all you can eat’
    He ate starters, main courses and sweet
    Those extra portions
    Result in distortions
    And a waist measuring six to eight feet

  140. John Shardlow says:

    Sorry Tim, should have read previous ones before submitting

    ********
    To John and Tim:

    From Mad Kane:
    Despite the use of the phrase “All You Can Eat” your respective limericks are quite different. So I wouldn’t worry about it. And in my opinion, it’s safer to write your limericks before reading other people’s limericks. Otherwise your creativity can be stifled and you can be unconsciously influenced.

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    My bunny, (my lovable “Sweet”)
    Got hit by a car in the street!
    The damage was bad
    And it makes me so sad
    Cause she now has such unhoppy feet.

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    My life has been so incomplete
    Since my Daddy passed out from the heat!
    He had a bad fall
    And just can’t walk at all
    He’s got something called, “Coma-toes-feet”

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    I tweeted to Trump, (being sweet)
    And told him, “Dear Pres, do not cheat”
    He sure saw the light
    And he said, “Son, you’re right”
    Then I woke from that ludicrous feat

  144. Tim Gray says:

    To John, I agree with Mad Kane
    Of submissions: reading… refrain.
    Chance mouth might meet feet
    And accidentally repeat…
    Would my life be ever the same?

    Alternate end 2
    And I’d have to live with the shame.
    Alternate end 3
    And the limit of words I would blame.

  145. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 306. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Hole.

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