Limerick-Off Award (304)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

When Nathaniel goes out on a date
He displays a despicable trait:
All he wants is to screw;
All his dates post #metoo.
The misogyny’s truly inNate.

Congratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Special Affairs-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Sylvester’s had multiple flings.
Defying convention, he swings!
He’s had threesomes galore,
Special fondness for four.
His motto? No strings and no rings!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Bruce Alter, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Val Fish, Judith H. Block, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Sharon Neeman:

Smiled one Smithie, “I think it’s just great
That the Prof asked you out for a date!”
Frowned the other, “It’s awful!
It shouldn’t be lawful
For men to presume that we’re straight.”

Brian Allgar:

The doctors had tried to sedate
Donald’s ravings of anger and hate,
But he’d scream and he’d swear
Till they got him to wear
A new jacket – the kind that is strait.

Dave Johnson:

He’s basking in amorous bliss,
With just an occasional hiss.
He’s assured that his date
Will forever be great;
For she’s an inflatable Miss.

Bruce Alter:

My advice to guys: Don’t tempt your fate!
This topic’s not up for debate.
Unless she is amorous,
(Even if glamorous)
Keep your grubby palms off of your date.

Lisi Nortman:

Oh wow! Did I have one cheap date!
I’ve never been so damn irate!
He asked me to drive
At the “thru window” dive
So that I’D pay the $2.98.

Tony Holmes:

Puritanical pater, Gil Spate,
Hard of hearing, misheard “masticate.”
If you cannot be strong,
Then you leave me no option: Sedate!”

Dave Johnson:

His girlfriend, demure and sedate,
Insisted that they’d have to wait.
Then she saw “Magic Mike.”
Her reaction was like:
“I’d love to be setting HIM straight!”

Lisi Nortman:

“You’ll find I’m a wonderful date,
And my dear, I must say you look great.
Please don’t mind if I’m jumpy,
Or get kind of grumpy.
I just broke out of prison upstate.”


Val Fish:

I’d booked us a suite at The Grand.
Ev’ry detail was carefully planned,
But I’d NOT bargained for
That knock at the door;
The wife, divorce papers in hand.

Lisi Nortman:

Found pink panties right under my bed.
Did I holler or scream? No! Instead,
On Facebook they went,
Cause my dear hubby Trent
Seems to go for a big “center spread.”

Dave Johnson:

A traveling salesman named Rex
Was having some parking lot sex.
In the heat of it all,
He butt-dialed a call
That went to his soon-to-be ex.

Judith H. Block says:

Through the years, I’ve had many affairs.
It’s the truth; I’m not putting on airs.
And now that I’m older,
I still feel the smolder.
So as long as I’m wanted, who cares!

Dave Johnson:

Whenever they happen to meet,
He tells her “We must be discreet.
These moments we’ll share
With the utmost of care;
Robert Mueller has eyes on the street.”

Tim James:

An idiot had two affairs:
With a porn star and Playmate. Who cares?
Well, for starters, his wife.
For the rest of his life
It appears that he’ll need thoughts and prayers.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

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