Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TANK at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TANK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to VEGETABLES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best VEGETABLE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 29, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 28, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

As a banker, I’m forced to be frank:
These loan papers read like a prank.
Are you yanking my chain
With this biz plan inane?
Kiddy trike-armor? That’s gonna tank!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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103 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TANK at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    An eager young fellow named Hank
    Took out all he had left in the bank.
    Then he paid a young girl
    So she’d give him a whirl,
    But he had nothing left in the tank.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Eating green beans and carrots and peas
    Makes you healthy and that’s sure to please.
    But whenever I try ’em
    Whether bake, boil or fry ’em,
    All they do is just cause me to sneeze.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the hooker to Trump: “I’ll be frank;
    Though you claim that you’re built like a tank,
    It’s a tank with a belly
    That shakes like a jelly,
    And a weapon whose charges are blank.”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    My son played a terrible prank
    On the fish that I kept in a tank.
    He fed my piranha
    A whole green banana;
    No wonder the poor critter sank.

  5. Brian Allgar says:


    There aren’t many rhyme-words for ‘tank’;
    I have searched, but I’m drawing a blank.
    I’ve tried veggies instead,
    But it has to be said
    That my verse about cabbages stank.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    “The people in Brussels are sprouts,
    And the Germans are sour old Krauts!
    Lettuce banish those fools
    And their vegetable rules!”
    Gustavus (a Swede) rudely shouts.

  7. Mark Kane says:

    Oh this fellow was rank, he just stank.
    No surprise after all that he drank!
    Though he strongly protested,
    The guy was arrested,
    And he’s now drying out in the tank.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Marlowe, “Oh, how it will grow,
    My vegetable love! Let me show
    You my little surprise;
    Open wide, mouth and eyes –
    It will double in size when you blow!”

    [From ‘To his coy Mistress’, by Christopher Marlowe:
    “My vegetable love should grow
    Vaster than empires, and more slow”]

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    That huge, brawny guy, built like a tank,
    Bragged he’d handle all booze that he drank.
    He tried to show off,
    At warnings, he’d scoff.
    Like a massive, lead anchor, he sank!

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    He took her on a torrid wild ride,
    Had her feel his huge cock, his great pride.
    Felt like hard cucumber,
    It sure made her wonder.
    Could she fit the whole thing deep inside.

  11. Marty Gerendasy says:

    After spending the night with a skank,
    He awoke with the drunks in the tank.
    Blinked his eyes, said “oh dear,
    What am I doing here?
    Guess it must have been something I drank!”

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    All veggies are good for longevity,
    That sums it all up, with much brevity.
    We know what’s at stake,
    So feed Trump chocolate cake.
    Eat salads, engage in some levity.

  13. Byron Miller/aka Errol Nimbly says:

    Some wings and a steak and a frank,
    Lay burned to a crisp and they stank.
    Now the bottom’s burned through
    On my cheap barbecue
    And there’s no more propane in the tank.

  14. Sharon Neeman says:

    Fly a plane, steer a sub, drive a tank,
    Own a firm, run for Prez, head a bank —
    Repugs raising voices
    To curb women’s choices
    Ain’t RHIP*; it’s just rank.

    *Rank Has Its Privileges

  15. Ryan Tilley says:

    The Toddler and the Goldfish

    He was scared that its water was hot.
    An inspired solution, he got.
    It was fine in its tank.
    In the fridge, it was rank
    And its water was cool like he thought!

  16. Sharon Neeman says:

    A conceited new sergeant named Hank
    Took a selfie while driving his tank.
    Pride precedeth a fall —
    He steered into a wall…
    Thirty days and demotion in rank.

  17. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There is no money left in the bank
    And I starve, but eat seafood that’s rank
    Oh, my one final wish
    Is to scrap ev’ry dish
    That contains a damn fish from my tank!

  18. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Why can’t vegetables taste more like candy?
    Why, that sure would be dandy, and handy!
    If I pull a few strings,
    Let us see what that brings –
    I’ll just cook the damn things in some brandy!

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald has all that he needs
    For his vegetable intake. He feeds
    On his own carrot-hair,
    On his pignuts (guess where!),
    And his brain – one or two pumpkin seeds.

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    “I am sick of my vegetable diet”,
    The bimbo complained. “I don’t buy it –
    It’s protein I need!”
    And her doctor agreed:
    “Just blow me, and I can supply it.”

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    “I’ve got so much sperm in the bank”,
    Said the Donald, “They neeed a YUGE tank!
    I can make myself come
    Just admiring my bum,
    Without even having to wank!”

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    For a bet, he announced rather cockily:
    “I can eat twenty kilos of broccoli!”
    Though he ate every bit,
    He was not looking fit
    As he staggered away somewhat rockily.

  23. Randy Wagner says:

    A saucy pert lass, when alerted
    To breezes blown nippingly, flirted.
    Her bearing was frank
    As she donned a sheer tank:
    It was pointedly quite extroverted.

    “It is a nipping and an eager air.”
    — Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act I, scene IV

  24. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald whines: “Look at Vlad – I outrank
    Him, but he drives around in a tank!
    Why can’t I have one too?
    It’s not fair! Sob! Boo-hoo!”
    All those tears made him soggy and dank.

  25. Daniel Ari says:

    A robber fresh out of the tank
    walked into First National Bank.
    “We’ve met,” said the greeter.
    The con pulled his heater
    and said, “I’m not drawing a blank.”

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    They told him that okra is called
    ‘Ladies’ fingers’. “I want some!” he bawled.
    So he bought half-a-pound
    And he wrapped them around
    His own dick … but was less than enthralled.

  27. Fred Bortz says:

    His job was to empty a tank.
    He came home from work and just stank.
    His wife, though, still kissed him.
    The septic vac system
    Meant that he always pulled rank.

  28. Fred Bortz says:

    A twofer:

    The Friends of the Earth always thank
    Those who put veggie waste in the tank.
    At their banquet the toast
    Was with brews from compost.
    I politely declined when they drank.

  29. Randy Wagner says:

    A virginal vegan might chatter
    That veggies can’t chip away at her
    Desire to consume
    Not a fruit or legume
    But a portion of meatier matter.

  30. Randy Wagner says:

    A mischievous nymph told a satyr,
    “Because you’re a veg’table hater,
    Please try, by-and-by,
    My divine shepherd’s pie.”
    Did the satyr await her? He ate her!

  31. Jane Hoffman says:

An ad by the local sperm bank
    Stated “All sperm are kept in a tank.
    We can’t guarantee
    What race they will be
    Or if one of them is a blank.”

  32. Jane Hoffman says:

    Do you recall how we were handed
    “Spoon-planes” with the food Mom demanded?
    Beets and broccoli
    Were spit out by me
    But the chocolate cake always landed!

  33. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Inspired by Ryan Tilley

    A toddler had fish in a tank
    He called one absurdley old hank
    He thought he was cold
    His action was bold
    He peed in the bowl and it stank

  34. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    There was once a Russian old tank
    In need of an English new crank
    On a scorched black field
    A sweet deal was sealed
    With a Yank they made it go clank

  35. Chris Gross says:


    There was once a young lady named Jeannie,
    Who discovered new use for zucchini.
    Into her dampened slit
    The gourd tickled her clit
    Far much better than any man’s weenie.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    Elected – a cretinous crank
    Who’s shoving us into the tank.
    So, how can this be
    In the land of the free?
    It’s Vladimir we have to thank.

  37. Dave Johnson says:

    A pious young lady from Kent
    Decided to give up for Lent
    Along with linguini,
    Her boyfriend’s zucchini;
    Not into her pantry it went.

  38. Mark Kane says:

    In my dreams, as a very fair prank,
    I’d give truckers galore a nice spank.
    I’d bear down on them close,
    And deliver a dose
    Of my rage with my army grade tank.

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    My juicer is sleek and sublime;
    New veggie concoctions each time.
    It rendered a brew
    That’s unique through and through:
    Parsley, sage, rosemary and slime.

  40. Sue Dulley says:

    (Atheist’s Lament . . .)
    I’ve plenty of gas in the tank
    Of my car, and some cash in the bank;
    Some fabric for stitchin’,
    And food in the kitchen
    But no idea whom I should thank.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doc Jones said to eat vegetables and fruit
    I bought a tomato, a carrot and a bamboo shoot
    But here’s the crunch:
    Every time I munch
    Every one calls me “Mr Toot”

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you want a delicious treat
    Have a nice fresh beet
    You can later do some necking
    But stay away from pecking
    Because your privates will smell like feet

  43. Mark Kane says:

    When Trump’s lying he’ll say, “I’ll be frank.”
    Then he’ll try and use fear like a skank.
    “How’s your 401(k)?”
    “Pass my Tax Bill Today.
    If you don’t, then the Markets might tank.”

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you enjoy asparagus
    You shouldn’t make a fuss
    Just enjoy your meal
    It will have much appeal
    But your pee will smell like pus

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    The old man had some time, was retired.
    In the garden each day, he perspired
    Growing big tomatoes
    And some nice potatoes,
    But the thing he grew most was just tired.

  46. stephen whitred says:

    With cucumber coitus take care
    From corn cobs and carrots forswear
    Those little zucchinis
    Resembling weenies
    Or peppers; don’t put ’em up there

  47. stephen whitred says:

    The scratch-pad I scrawl on is blank
    Any moment my muse may just tank
    I’m despondent and dazed
    That the bar has been raised
    And it’s Sue and Suzanne we can thank

  48. stephen whitred says:

    Max’s mother, who said her heart sank
    Cuz her son so excessively drank
    Took a hotdog and drink
    To her kid in the clink
    … The great Planck ate a frank in the tank

  49. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Your Honor,” said bank robber Reggie,
    “My wife said we had to go veggie.
    She threw out my steaks
    And fed me kale shakes,
    Which I guess made me feel kind of edgy.

    Then she took all my cash and my plastic,
    So I had to go do something drastic.
    I **did** rob that bank —
    Just so I could tank
    Up on roast beef — and it was fantastic!”

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    Organic is better, they say;
    For some, there is no other way.
    Still, others resist,
    It’s not on their list;
    They really don’t care what you spray.

  51. Dave Johnson says:

    Dukakis was driving a tank;
    Lurched around with a clink and a clank.
    It looked really dumb,
    With the worst yet to come;
    Lee Atwater’s tactics to thank.

    The Bush camp had wanted to stoke
    White fear in our elderly folk.
    Willie Horton became
    The one to inflame;
    Dukakis would go up in smoke.

    (History lesson: Trump’s antics are nothing new).

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama gave me kale
    It tasted very stale
    I’ve begun to walk slow
    From my head to my toe
    And I’m growing a shell and a tail

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama gave me a salad of kale
    But to me it tasted more like snail
    I’ve begun to walk slow
    From my head to my toe
    And now I’m growing a shell and a tail

  54. stephen whitred says:

    This rumor is true folks, I swear it
    A new Vegas line, let me share it
    You can gamble on who
    Has the higher IQ
    Is it Tillerson (Rex) or a carrot

  55. Sue Dulley says:

    She tried to put gas in her tank
    But the screen showed no numbers, just blank.
    Then her credit card stuck
    ‘Til a tourist (such luck!)
    Pulled it out – all it took was a Yank.

  56. Sue Dulley says:

    There are loan sharks who swim in a tank
    Where you go when you can’t get the bank
    To come up with a loan
    For a business you own,
    Which is crazy, or is it a prank?

  57. Sue Dulley says:

    The weather is cold, grey and dank,
    Each sundress and every last tank
    top has been stashed away
    Until April or May
    Which is too many months, to be frank.

  58. Sue Dulley says:

    One veggie that I love to hate: (oh,
    apart from the cherry tomato) –
    More bland than wax beans
    And less tasty than greens,
    Is the boring-as-hell mashed potato.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Veggies are so good for you
    Fresh, or even in soup
    They contain vitamin C
    And I can surely guarantee
    That they will also help you poop

  60. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a chef who cooks veggies stir-fried.
    He’s adventurous, so he has tried
    Using things like whiskey;
    Doesn’t think it’s risky;
    Says he’s taking a wok on the wild side.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:


    Here’s the latest scoop
    Veggies are good, even in soup
    They’re full of vitamin C
    And I can firmly guarantee
    They’ll help you have a good poop

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doc Jones said, “Eat veggies and fruit”
    I bought a carrot and a bamboo shoot
    But here’s the crunch
    Every time I munch
    People call me “Mr Toot”

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama gave me a salad of kale
    But to me it tasted like snail
    I’ve begun to walk slow
    From my head to my toe
    And I’m growing a shell and a tail

  64. Tim James says:

    My new diet’s all veggies. I make
    The best seaweed and pressed tofu cake.
    It’s quite easy to do it:
    You have to … oh, screw it!
    Won’t someone please make me a steak?

  65. I know of an ignorant bumpkin
    Whose head quite resembles a pumpkin —
    Though the poor fellow strains
    Matching pumpkins for brains
    (Which can also be said of his Trump kin).

  66. Lisi Nortman says:


    I gazed in my special tank
    Looking for my “buddy” Frank (named for Sinatra)
    I searched up and down
    With a sorrowful frown
    Either he was eaten or he totally shrank

  67. Lisi Nortman says:


    Pump-kin rhymes with Trump-kin
    To me he acts like a schlump-kin
    Pump-kins are pretty
    But they taste very shitty
    And our leader is a frumpy old chump-kin

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    A cabbage head rests on the earth;
    Tomatoes get fondled for worth.
    Potatoes have eyes;
    While a cucumber’s size
    Will stand out because of its girth.

  69. Tim James says:

    January 20, 2017

    The vote had gone into the tank ―
    And we had Mr. Putin to thank.
    With the White House defiled
    By a crude, angry child,
    I’d no clue what to do. So I drank.

  70. Bruce Niedt says:

    Said a pumpkin from Kalamazoo,
    “Jack-o-lantern I wish to be too!”
    But he looked like a squash,
    so he got the kibosh –
    now he’s part of a vegetable stew.

  71. Bruce Niedt says:

    Said a lobster who lived in a tank,
    “The gal who saved me I’d sure like to thank!
    She called me a winner –
    I’m invited to dinner –
    HOT TUB PARTY!” he cried as he sank.

  72. Sharon Neeman says:

    It’s an otherwise lovely hotel,
    But the dining room’s gone straight to hell.
    The salad was hot
    And the corn soup was not;
    Now, at midnight, I’m very unwell.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:


    When I married my “guy” “Keef”
    He told me, “I’m the CHIEF !
    I must have my vitamin K
    Give it to me right away !”
    So I served him my” Rhubarb a la Leaf”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you eat corn on the cob
    It’s quite an arduous job
    It’s gets right in your teeth
    You must yank it from underneath
    Instead, try some yummy broccoli rabe

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you eat corn on the cob
    It becomes quite an arduous job
    It gets right in your teeth
    And sticks underneath
    Why not try some sweet broccoli rabe?


  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    When one eats peas
    Sometimes they sneeze
    But more than that
    They feel a little fat
    Till they let out a foul-smelling “breeze”

  77. David Reddekopp says:

    There once was a man from Beirut
    Who was paralyzed, deaf, and a mute
    He was also quite gay
    So the bigots would say
    “He’s a vegetable, and he’s a fruit.”

  78. David Reddekopp says:

    The great thing about a sperm bank
    Is they actually pay you to wank!
    When I’m done, I hear then,
    “Thank you, sir. Come again!”
    I have plenty more left in the tank.

  79. Kirk Miller says:

    Boy Scout chef before dinner knew there’d
    Be potatoes to cook. He declared,
    “Each potato I peeled
    In advance, which appealed
    To our motto for spuds: Be pre-pared.”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was cooking my zucchini
    Then put on Giacomo Pucchini
    I went into a trance
    Five hours of “spinning” dance
    My guests dined on a shooter of martini


  81. Lisi Nortman says:


    I was cooking my zucchini
    Then put on Gaicomo Pucchini
    I went into a trance
    Five hours of DAYDREAMING dance
    EACH guest had a shooter of martini


  82. Dave Johnson says:

    Her garden’s a glorious patch
    She fervently nurtures to match.
    What’s planted will grow
    In a tight little row
    To harvest with one easy snatch.

  83. Charley Simmons says:

    Said Patton to a Private named Frank
    “Son I don’t want to pull rank
    My patience is overdue
    I may have to slap you
    Just get the Hell out of my tank”

  84. Lisi Nortman says:


    Onions are a wonderful treat
    They’re great on poultry or meat
    The only crunch
    Is that after you munch
    Your breath will smell like feet

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Celery is great for a diet
    Have one !! You really should try it
    Then when you’re done
    Have some fun
    And get a steak at the nearest Hyatt


  86. Dave Johnson says:

    Two bozos had met in the tank;
    Then busted for robbing a bank.
    Plain stupid, it’s clear;
    Or they just love to hear
    The sound of a door that goes “clank”.

  87. “I’ve the Second Amendment to thank
    For keeping me safe,” hollered Hank.
    “It’s my right to bear arms,
    So who cares who it harms?”
    Then he drove off to church… in his tank.

  88. Did you hear about Ruthie Ann Rickles?
    She used cukes for her intimate tickles,
    ‘Til poor Ruthie (all heedless
    Of sticking to seedless)
    Gave birth to a jarful of pickles.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    We love to eat a vegetable
    At our annual ” Fiber Festival”
    Then we have to run home
    (No place to roam)
    Our needs are not acceptable

  90. Lisi Nortman says:


    We love to eat a vegetable
    At our annual “Fiber Festival”
    Then we have to run home
    (No where to roam)
    Our needs aren’t PUBICALLY acceptable

  91. Lisi Nortman says:


    My “doc’ said eat veggies and fruit
    I bought some peas and a bamboo shoot
    But the only crunch
    Is after I munch
    People call me “Mr. Toot”

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you eat a delicious beet
    You will enjoy a nutritious treat
    But stay away from necking
    And avoid your pecking
    Or your privates will smell like feet

  93. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Some say beans are a musical fruit
    And they like how the stuff makes them toot.
    It’s the butt of some jokes
    And a hoax that folks coax
    which evokes stupid blokes to pollute.

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My two titties were built like a tank
    I had dear Mother Nature to thank.
    As I’m way past my prime,
    I can thank Father Time
    For the ultimate crime – they both sank.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    ME AND MY FRIEND “BON” (Bonnie)

    A cucumber is good ; your should buy it
    It’s healthful and good for a diet
    I went to see Bon
    And said, WHAT’S GOING ON?”
    She said, “You told me TO TRY IT ” !!!

  96. Dave Johnson says:

    Louella is built like a tank;
    She’s also a major league crank.
    A teller by trade,
    One criminal made
    The mistake of accosting her bank.

    He went to her window and said
    “It’s a holdup – now give me the bread.”
    She sneered “You’re a punk!”
    Then proceeded to clunk
    A money bag over his head.

    They carted the robber away;
    With everyone hearing him say
    “No ifs, ands or buts,
    That lady is NUTS!”
    Leaving tread marks is her way to play.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:


    At the grocery store I saw
    My ex mother-in law
    I bought an Idaho
    She said “Be sure you know:
    To eat when it’s raw”

  98. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If I know that I must spend a day
    With a person who brings me dismay
    Like a jerk of a clerk
    Or a mean boss at work,
    I’ve a nice little perk to display.

    There are nice, gassy veggies I eat
    On the night before all of us meet
    Brussel sprouts and beans haunt,
    Get results that I want
    And the farts that I flaunt can’t be beat!

  99. Suzanne Heymann says:

    “Eat your greens to stay healthy and strong!”
    Said the hag, “then, like me, you’ll live long!”
    But one look at her face
    Had me out of the race
    I would rather die young and be wrong!

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS !
    At the grocery store I saw
    My ex mother-in-law
    I bought an Idaho’
    She said, “Be sure that you know
    To eat it when it’s raw”

  101. Charles Simmons says:

    There was a young cowpoke named Hank
    From the roundup was stinky and rank
    Feeling horny and randy
    He leered at cowgirl Sandy
    So, she pushed him into a cow tank.

  102. Suzanne Heymann says:


    All the benefits (healthwise), Mum taught ’em
    But if peas could be killed, I’d have shot ’em.
    Well, I got a big spank
    When I filled the fish tank
    With my veggies, which sank to the bottom.

  103. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
    Limerick-Off Award 284.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Hoard.