Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to any December holiday, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick-Off Award Winner on December 27, 2015, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 26, 2015, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The weatherman forecast clear skies.
But I wasn’t surprised by the cries
And the shrieks and the bawling
When rain started falling;
I’ve weathered the weather guys’ lies.

Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

124 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIES or BELIES or RELIES at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Kirk Miller says:

    False pretenses, added with lies,
    Were used to obtain the big prize.
    The men knew from the start
    Their deception was smart.
    They came to be known as “wise guise.”

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    Small and slender, her stature belies
    Her remarkably powerful thighs.
    She once strangled a ’gator,
    Although, she said later,
    The effort brought tears to her eyes.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    She admitted “I’ll tell you no lies;
    It was quite an unwelcome surprise
    When he pulled out his wienie,
    Pathetically teenie –
    What matters for me is the size.”

  4. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Then tell her to check out her eyes
    Her poor vision is telling her lies
    It’s not size you must choose, it
    Is more how you use it
    She’s wise if she tries the guy’s prize.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    From the rooftop, old Santa relies
    On a chimney to bring his surprise,
    But this year, he got stuck,
    And they heard him yell “Fuck!
    I have eaten too many mince pies!”

    (This could also be considered “holiday-themed”.)

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    He’s in jail, and his wife brings supplies
    In the form of some miniature pies.
    Bur he wishes she’d bake
    Him a sizeable cake
    With a tool-kit in edible guise.

  7. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A shoplifter’s caught, then denies
    That he’s stealing; he’s loaded with lies
    Just one thing left to say
    As he’s taken away
    The last of his final good-buys.

  8. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To all lovesick gals, I advise
    Just watch out for those smooth-talkin’ guys
    They will sweetly deceive you
    Then love you and leave you
    Don’t fall for their flattering lies.

  9. Suzanne Heymann says:

    For a fee of formidable size
    He’ll defend a hard criminal’s guise
    The attorney who dares
    To pretend the man cares
    Just belies who relies on his lies.

  10. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Rabbis circumcize, priests will baptize
    And the Protestants worship, likewise
    Hindus, Buddhists say, “Karma”
    While Muslims say, “Allah”
    But atheists, mute, can’t tell lies.

  11. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’m eaten alive by black flies
    This tourist brochure’s full of lies
    These bugs are vampires
    Around my campfires
    Human blood bank I am, no surprise.

  12. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Before the poor maimed patient dies
    The doctor half-heartedly tries
    To do resuscitation
    ‘Cause organ donation
    Is done by knives, first sterile lies.

  13. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you can see through someone’s guise
    Just by looking right into their eyes,
    You’ll know if they’re ruthless
    Mendacious or truthless;
    Your real eyes realize real lies.

  14. Ian Graham says:

    The growl in their bellies belies
    Their feigned scorn for thighs and mince pies.
    The loud lust and gluttony
    Of 001, 2 and 3
    Draws enemy eyes to these spies.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the Donald, “I know I tell lies
    About Muslim and Mexican guys;
    I’m a foul-mouthing ranter,
    But please, dearest Santa,
    Just bring my electoral prize.”

    (Another double-duty limerick …)

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    Hamlet tended to rationalize:
    “Does one have nasty dreams when one dies?
    Is it better to be,
    Or the opposite? Me,
    I’ll continue to soliloquize.”

  17. Ian Graham says:

    Cracked chimney? One premium insures.
    “Ho, ho, ho. No, the bill is all yours,”
    Said the smallest small print
    When I took a quick squint
    At my policy’s new Santa Clause.

  18. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (a revision of my 8th limerick)

    A psychic sees through a crook’s guise
    Just by looking right into his eyes
    That clairvoyant is wise
    If he only relies
    On his real eyes to realize real lies.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    With a smile on his deathbed, here lies
    A guy who had stars in his eyes.
    The sex, off off the chart
    Was too much for his heart
    It was an ecstatic demise.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    Who’s hiding behind that disguise,
    Underneath all those smiles and those lies?
    The faces you meet
    Those masks of deceit;
    A world in which we agonize.

  21. Val Fish says:

    I was sick of his constant lies
    All ready to say my goodbyes
    But he turned on the charm
    I was back in his arms
    Seduced by those blue goo goo eyes

  22. Jen says:

    Perhaps all of it is just lies;
    Mistletoe, liquor and guys
    But let’s make it spicy,
    I won’t be too icy
    Undoing some fellas’ thyme flies.

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    to Suzanne Heymann:

    “Suzanne”, the young woman replies,
    The problem is not with my eyes.
    Though he’s proud to reveal it,
    I simply can’t feel it,
    No matter how keenly he tries.”

  24. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If he fails with its usage and size
    And his techniques are useless, just lies
    If your lover’s that crappy
    And can’t make you happy
    It’s time to part – say your goodbyes.

  25. David Reddekopp says:

    I’ll warn you (a word to the wise)
    It’s prob’ly not prudent to prize
    That offense which is chief –
    The unquestioned belief
    Upon which all religion relies.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    “It’s all very well to advise,
    Dear Suzanne”, she unhappily sighs,
    “But although I’m frustrated,
    His fortune’s A-rated;
    I need all the goodies he buys.”

  27. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Then you MUST choose what most satisfies
    Though on both, your well-being relies
    So if goodies trump sex
    And he writes out those checks
    In your future, affairs may arise.

  28. scott says:

    we men find it hard to disguise
    or let alone de-emphasize
    the thoughts in our head
    though often unsaid
    a rise in the thighs never lies

  29. I don’t think it’s very wise
    To live your life telling lies
    But in some situations
    Innocent flirtations
    Might just win you the prize

  30. My mother would always advise
    Never, never tell lies
    But when the dog ran away
    I was compelled to say
    “Oh my gosh; what a dreadful surprise!”

  31. A man should never tell lies
    Concerning his very large size
    For when it’s time to mate
    It will be his fate
    To realize his partner has eyes

  32. I think that women tell lies
    To us trusting and innocent guys
    At the peak of our love
    My “Turtle Dove”
    Rolls over and pathetically cries

  33. Please don’t tell me lies
    Or unduly overemphasize
    That your back is out
    Or you have the gout
    Tonight we must fertilize

  34. Val Fish says:

    Why do women obsess about size?
    ‘Does my bum look big in this?’she cries
    ‘You look lovely my dear’
    (Just what she wants to hear)
    Thank the lord that she falls for my lies

  35. Mary Jane’s bust fully belies
    Her actual flat-chested size
    For when she went boating
    One falsie went floating
    When the craft did abruptly capsize

  36. NOT A DUPLICATE

    I think that women tell lies
    To us trusting and innocent guys
    At the peak of our love
    My SWEET “Turtle Dove”
    Rolls over and pathetically cries

  37. I met him on “Find Your Prize”
    Another jerk who obviously lies
    He said, “Little Lassie
    You must dress up fancy”
    The waiter asked if I “want that with fries”

  38. correction Mad Please change last line of previous limerick to
    The waiter asked if I “WANT” that with fries

    Thank You

  39. Tim James says:

    The magazine Playboy relies
    On a guy’s roving eye, which belies
    What he says to his girl:
    “I’m no oversexed churl;
    It’s the writing that draws me!” he lies.

  40. Brian Allgar says:

    (… continuing the saga)

    “Thanks, Suzanne, but I now realize
    There is no need to choose, which implies
    That I pay with his card
    A male escort who’s hard
    While he’s out having sex with the guys.”

  41. not a duplicate

    I met him on “Find Your Prize”
    Another schmo who clearly lies
    He said, “Little Lassie
    Get dressed up fancy”
    The waiter asked, “Do you want that with fries?”

  42. My brother said our parents tell lies
    He thinks he’s clever and wise
    He says he’s the real one
    And I’m the steel one
    Excuse me while I un-screw my thighs

  43. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (…the saga continues)

    There is something this picture belies
    He likes YOU in addition to guys?!
    You’re one of those girls
    Wants the best of both worlds –
    Sex and money; that ain’t no surprise.

  44. Dave Johnson says:

    This proctologist always relies
    On expertise big money buys.
    But a patient named Trump
    Put the doc in a slump;
    He never had seen one THAT size.

  45. @Suzanne, 12/15 11:58

    Dear Suzanne: though I quite realize
    That your skill ought to win you the prize,
    Any time you combine
    “Trump” and “sex” in one line,
    I’ve an urge to go poke out my eyes.

  46. In the Lied that he wrote her, he cries
    He will love her forever, and sighs.
    But wouldn’t you know it?
    Like ev’ry good poet
    And any great Lieder — he lies.

    (Works better with the verbs in past tense.)

  47. TUESDAY NIGHT

    The fury; the venom; the lies;
    The call for the Others’ demise;
    The tribalist hate —
    Say, was this a debate,
    Or rehearsal for “Lord of the Flies”?

  48. not a duplicate

    My brother said our folks tell lies
    He thinks he’s so clever exceedingly wise
    He says he’s the real one
    And I’m the steel one
    Excuse me while I un-screw my thighs

  49. Third try
    I met him on “Find Your Prize”
    Another schmo who clearly lies
    He said, “Little Lassie
    Now dress up CLASSY”
    The waiter asked, “Do you want that with fries?”

  50. You pundits say Republicans tell lies
    As if they had an exclusive franchise
    They’re all the same
    When it comes to winning the game
    Some even submit and womanize

  51. Tim James says:

    Down the chimney I saw Santa go
    To a brothel; how couldn’t he know?
    At the bottom were three
    Lovely ladies, so he
    Put new spin on the phrase “Ho ho ho.”

  52. Suzanne Heymann says:

    @Will T.

    Will, the problem is not in your eyes
    But your talent to visualize
    ‘Sex’ and ‘Trump’ – yes, a curse
    But ‘sex’ WITH ‘Trump’ – much worse!
    Just the horror of thought therein lies.

  53. Brian Allgar says:

    (… continued)

    Dear Suzanne, Oscar’s one of those bi’s;
    He writes plays that are witty and wise.
    Though our marriage has joys,
    The Importance of Boys
    Is a phrase he must capitalize.

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    House Republican’s theme is a cinch;
    No compromise – don’t even flinch.
    No passing of laws,
    We’re not Santa Claus;
    Our hero instead is The Grinch.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    The holiday season abounds
    With parties and caroling sounds.
    The sum in the end
    Isn’t how much you spend;
    But rather, it’s how many pounds.

  56. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (…continued)

    Does Oscar know of your new ties?
    That your love is just based upon lies?
    It is you he’ll remove
    If he doesn’t approve
    Though his mean double standard applies.

  57. “Who Else Tells Lies?”

    There once was a man who told lies
    And he refused to apologize
    But then came the stain
    He could no longer feign
    That he was undoubtedly and clearly unwise

  58. When you continually tell lies
    Use caution and don’t be unwise
    Karma will haunt you
    And meticulously go through
    Your deceitful and false enterprise

  59. WHO IS THIS DEMOCRAT?

    There once was a man who told lies
    And he refused to apologize
    But then came the stain
    And he could no longer feign
    He was undoubtedly and clearly unwise

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    At the company party, ho, ho,
    As Santa, it’s jolly old Joe.
    They giggle with glee
    While he fondles for free;
    A sly little gig, don’t you know.

  61. Dave Johnson says:

    The holiday season is here
    With greetings and lots of good cheer.
    Our spirits will lift
    Since we get to re-gift
    That crap from the previous year.

  62. Miss Ana was hired to devise
    A way to encourage a rise
    In her candidate’s Poll.
    Yes, it sounds rather droll,
    But beware the result: Analyze!

  63. Though the typical prostitute lies
    In a bed when she welcomes the guys,
    Our Temple of Sin
    Had a Drive-Thru built in
    (Plus: a combo with soda and fries)!

  64. Dave Johnson says:

    His amorous intention belies
    A condition affecting the rise
    Of what can’t be fake;
    So now he must take
    That little blue pill for the sighs.

  65. @Dave, 12/17 12:58

    If the House Christmas tree is a weed,
    It’s Newt Gin-Grinch who planted the seed.
    Some part of him grew
    By three sizes, it’s true,
    But it wasn’t his heart… ’twas his greed.

  66. Dave Johnson says:

    @ Will, 12/17 12:58

    Ah yes, our old friend Newt; here’s an observation from the last election run-up when he was a “candidate”

    Newt Gingrich is back
    And still has the knack
    For showing a real lack of class.
    If we could rewind
    His history we’d find
    Bill Clinton was kicking his ass.

    Mad – Sorry for the break in convention…blame it on the Gin-Grinch.

  67. Sue Dulley says:

    “All these words that I utter are lies”
    Says the prankster, “so you would be wise
    To refuse to believe
    That I always deceive”.
    Meanwhile, Logic rolls over and dies.

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    For Santa, that jolly old elf,
    Was a bottle and note on the shelf.
    Now the kids are aghast;
    Dear Santa has passed
    Out presents and yes, he himself.

  69. Dave Johnson says:

    “Don’t ask me, I’ll tell you no lies.”
    Say G.O.P. candidate guys.
    It’s always a mess
    When they’re on “Meet the Press”;
    With FOX News, they’re cut down to sighs.

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    At the holiday party, dear Flo
    Got up to give dancing a go.
    With some eggnog before
    Then quite a bit more,
    Her twerking’s incredibly slow.

  71. SAME POEM LAST LINE DIFFERENT

    The pundits say Republicans tell lies
    As if they had an exclusive franchise
    But both parties are the same
    When it comes to the game
    Of winning the ultimate prize

  72. Christmas dinner always belies
    Some who are invited we really despise
    So let’s make it quick
    Enough of this schtick
    It’s time to say our good-byes

  73. not a duplicate

    Christmas dinner always belies
    Some who are there we really despise
    So let’s make it quick
    Enough of this schtick
    It’s time to say our final good-byes

  74. not a duplicate
    Pundits say that Republicans tell lies
    As if they had an exclusive franchise
    Both parties are the same
    When it comes to the game
    Of winning the final ultimate prize

  75. Jon Gearhart says:

    It took them some time to surmise
    That cheating had won you first prize.
    They thought you’d be last to risk
    Putting your asterisk–
    That star by your name marks your lies!

  76. Sue Dulley says:

    She lays down her blanket and lies
    In the sun, which is rather unwise.
    I’d prefer that she laid
    It and lay in the shade –
    Still the ‘transitive’ concept applies.

  77. Dave Johnson says:

    Now Putin’s affection belies
    That posture of no compromise.
    For his new idol Trump,
    He’d probably dump
    Assad and those other bad guys.

  78. Stuart Cameron says:

    Are you fed up like me of their lies

    MP’s who pretend that they’re wise

    They’d have you believe

    Though I just can’t conceive

    They’re our friends albeit in disguise.

  79. Stuart Cameron says:

    Themed Limerick

    If I hear ‘merry xmas’ one more time

    I swear I’ll commit violent crime

    Any more ho-ho-hos

    Means a punch on the nose

    And into jail I’ll be thrown in my prime.

  80. Dave Johnson says:

    A busy young couple relies
    On take-out for daily supplies.
    Their needs are not much
    For dinner and such;
    Just ketchup along with the fries.

  81. The cops were already wise
    To the thief’s sleight of hand and his lies
    One said, “Give it to me
    and we’ll let you go free”
    “No way,” said the crook, “It’s dis guys.”

  82. To Mrs Claus Santa Claus cries
    ” The chimneys will not fit my size.
    darned cookies I’d guess
    I’ll ship U.P.S.
    Now pass me the burgers and fries.”

  83. Judith H. Block says:

    December’s a hard month, financially,
    Too many holidays together, circumstantially.

    First Hanukkah presents, much gelt
    Before each of the eight candles melt..

    Then St. Nicholas day, December 6-
    He helped the poor out of their money fix.

    Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ
    With too many gifts, most overpriced.

    Boxing Day comes the day after
    For UK workers, a day off, gifts and laughter!

    And Kwanzaa, for seven days more
    The Principles should make your heart soar..
    African-American created
    Wise living, advocated…

    If only each holiday did not call for a gift!
    We need a major, values emphasis shift.

  84. @Dave, I can go back even further for the ol’ Bah, Humbug:

    There’s Jolly Saint Ollie, who thought he
    (Like Santa) would never be caught. He
    Gave Iran (on his Nice list)
    A Black Friday price list
    Of toys that were thoroughly Naughty.

  85. When Autocorrect makes you groan,
    Remember that this year alone
    More than two thousand dupes
    Sold their souls (or their “soups”)
    To SANTA, because of their phone.

  86. Judith H. Block says:

    A tale of conspiracy lore
    Poor Santa is with us no more
    Disappeared without trace
    Over US airspace
    Reindeer found by a verdant lake shore.

  87. Judith H. Block says:

    Each store has its own Santa Claus,
    Each mall, too, this motivates pause…
    Do we really need any?
    Why are there so many?
    The safest response, “Just because”.

  88. Judith H. Block says:

    Winter Solstice is this time of year
    When was Christ born- it’s not really clear
    It was Saturnalia,
    Then Ave Maria
    So rejoice now and be of good cheer.

  89. Jon Gearhart says:

    The Mayor Rob Ford wasn’t wise
    Getting filmed smoking crack. His demise
    Was assured when he tried
    To deny he had lied,
    So now he’s the Ford of the Lies.

  90. Oh, please stop telling lies
    Can’t you see that I have two eyes?
    There’s a lipstick stain
    On your candy cane
    A color I do not recognize

  91. Bob Leggett says:

    It appears that one of our spies
    Has believed told some fatal lies
    The agents at Spectre
    She thought would protect her
    Had in fact arranged her demise

  92. Oh, Santa, what a surprise!
    You know this year, I told NO lies
    You’ve brought me a teddy?
    Boy am I ready!
    Now take off that stupid disguise

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    @ Will, remember this hero?

    In a business renowned for it’s lies,
    Turd Blossom was one of those guys
    Who knew how to sell
    A hollowed-out shell
    And hijack the big P.O.T.U.S. prize.

    With Dubya, he gave us a man
    Without any clue or a plan.
    Skulduggery was done,
    He mysteriously won;
    And the Bush reign of error began.

  94. Judith H. Block says:

    On the longest and darkest night,
    Shab-e Yalda celebrates light
    On Winter Solstice eve
    Red fruits denote reprieve
    After darkness comes hope shining bright.

  95. Judith H. Block says:

    The Persian holiday Shab-e Yalda-
    The Winter Solstice celebration
    Of light’s victory over darkness.

  96. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My great-GRANDpa who wore a fedora
    Would, at Hanukkah, light the menorah
    Eight nights in a row
    The long candles would glow
    Giving off such a beautiful aura.

    Potato latkes and some cheese
    Were traditional foods that would please
    All of us would go nuts
    For those jelly donuts
    Called “sufganiyot,” done with such ease.

  97. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Europeans, on Christmas Eve nights
    Celebrate with a mass of bright lights
    And with food, gifts, and booze
    Christmas music they choose
    And all hope there are no family fights!

  98. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Almost all North-American-born
    Celebrate 25th – Christmas morn
    They pick Santa or Jesus
    Or both, if it pleases
    Folks celebrate big, I must warn!

  99. Allen Wilcox says:

    He has made quite a fetish of ties,
    A pleasure on which he relies.
    He wears them so long
    That they tickle his dong
    And create a large increase in size.

  100. Oh, how my wife lies!
    About all the things she buys!
    She comes home with one sack
    Which she proceeds to unpack
    The rest is in the trunk of her Versailles

  101. Dave Johnson says:

    “You have the most beautiful eyes…”
    Just one of his unending lies.
    The jerk doesn’t care
    About skin tone or hair;
    Her assets make up for those thighs.

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    Mr. Grey has a big rack of ties;
    But not for his neck, we’ll surmise.
    His weapon of choice:
    A smooth, steamy voice;
    How a true cunning linguist belies.

  103. Nate Levin says:

    For quick wit this observer relies
    On a writer whom night-time denies
    The best moments of rest
    But she does pass the test
    Of collecting well-earned FB eyes.

  104. Dave Johnson says:

    A “white elephant” gift box belies
    What might be a happy surprise.
    It could be some booze;
    Maybe something you’d use,
    Or a twerking-pig bank you’ll despise.

  105. Allen Wilcox says:

    Not a duplicate. An alternative.

    He has made quite a fetish of ties
    On which his dear mistress relies.
    He wears them so long
    That they tickle his dong
    And create a great increase in sighs.

  106. Allen Wilcox says:

    Not a duplicate. An alternative.

    He has made quite a fetish of ties
    On which his dear mistress relies.
    He wears them so long
    That they tickle his dong
    And create a great increase in sighs.

  107. Oh, please don’t tell me lies
    I can see right through your disguise
    You’re the man from the bakery
    Who’s extremely unsavory
    Now go back and bake some more pies

  108. Fred Bortz says:

    Build your public persona on lies
    In quest of the ultimate prize.
    But that campaign of bluster
    Will end like George Custer.
    When “The Donald” is cut down to size.

  109. Fred Bortz says:

    An advertisement for this contest:

    Please enter this week with your tries
    To bring tears of mirth to our eyes.
    The rhyme scheme’s delightful,
    And themes are insightful
    Or frightful or just outright lies.

  110. same limerick, different grocery store

    Oh please stop telling me lies
    I can see right through your disguise
    You’re the guy from Kroger
    Who looks me over
    Now go back and bake those damn pies

  111. My mother did advise
    Not to marry a man who tell lies
    Now I’m with Barry
    Who said, “Let’s marry’
    Once bitten and so unwise

  112. David Reddekopp says:

    I’ll try my hand at a Christmas one:

    It’s realized – Santa’s worst fear
    The reindeer are striking this year
    Fatigue was a factor
    So he bought a tractor
    For nothing can run like a Deere.

  113. My wife has a smile that belies
    Her deceitful and cunning guise
    I know that she cheats
    She was seen on the streets
    By my suspicious and leery eyes

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    The gun lobby always relies
    On Congress protecting the rise
    Of arsenals built;
    Psychos armed to the hilt;
    A nightmare in freedom’s disguise.

  115. Allen Wilcox says:

    Double Duty

    When Santa is sick he relies
    On substitutes deep in disguise.
    And, oh, what the hell,
    They do it so well
    That he’s sick ev’ry year, we surmise.

  116. I cannot tell any lies
    George and I didn’t harmonize
    He promised me the sky
    But he was in short supply
    I’m shopping for something more my size

  117. David Reddekopp says:

    Since I fucked his wife, Santa was mocking
    By the gift that he left in my stocking
    For I find that it is
    Encrusted with jizz
    I was bad, so it isn’t that shocking.

  118. Judith H. Block says:

    The Christ’s birth brings symbolic Light;
    Beyond Solstice, days’ gain over night.
    Persian Shab-e Yalda, too;
    Hindu Diwali: light grew..
    Cultures’ faith that things will be all right.

  119. Dave Johnson says:

    This holiday weather belies
    What normally comes from the skies.
    While temperatures soar,
    People head for the door
    In sandals and shades for their eyes.

  120. Fred Bortz says:

    A double duty entry based on a true story. Our daughter entered the world on the 366th day of a leap year, about 10 days early.

    A tax refund lights up our eyes.
    The onset of labor belies
    The o.b.’s prediction.
    His date was a fiction.
    Our New Year’s Eve baby’s a prize!

  121. jazzbumpa says:

    Lothario: he always tries
    To impress those misogynist guys
    Telling stories again
    Of the women he’s lain;
    “Lays,” he says, but I say, “Lies!”

    Cheers!
    JzB

  122. Jon Gearhart says:

    Dumb Donald gets F’s for his tries
    When using new words. He’s not wise.
    An example of his
    From a recent class quiz?
    “Please spare me your liberalize!”

  123. Jon Gearhart says:

    Dolph uses his Doppler to train, dear,
    How to forecast big storms. It is plain, dear
    That his Russian pupils
    Are getting their rubles
    worth. Shrewd Dolph the Red knows his rain, dear!

  124. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Holiday Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick-Off Award 242.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Lewd.