Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCORE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SCORE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A singer was trying to score
With a woman who thought him a bore.
Though he tried to impress her,
He’d never undress her
Cuz hearing his voice was a chore.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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85 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCORE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. David Reddekopp says:

    The troops came and told me the score
    About why they were fighting the war
    “We make war, since you wonder
    For pillage and plunder.”
    I said “You’re corrupt!” to the corps.

  2. Ailsa McKillop says:

    My bank statement came through the door:
    Of my pounds there remained a mere score.
    But I could bounce back—
    No more would I lakh
    If only the sum were in crore!

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    The conductor examined the score:
    “Very pretty, but what is it for?
    I just wiggle my stick;
    How to end is the trick –
    When the orchestra stops, there’s no more.”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    (A variant on an old story)

    “If I offered a million to score,
    Would you sleep with me?” “Sure!”
    When he said “And ten bucks
    For a couple of fucks?”,
    She exclaimed “Do you think I’m a whore?”

  5. David Reddekopp says:

    One night I was looking to score
    To the brothel I went for a whore
    I arrived at the whorehouse
    And asked “Is this your house?”
    She said “Yes. Come in the back door.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Well, I got past the dreaded three score
    And ten, and I’ve added two more.
    All those years simply flew
    To reach seventy-two –
    “Half a gross” is a term I deplore.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    He had heard it so often before;
    A dozen times daily? A score?
    He detested the word,
    So he strangled the bird.
    Nevermore would he hear “Nevermore!”

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Allusions there were by the score
    (The metre; a raven; Lenore)
    In my parody terse.
    But so few knew Poe’s verse
    That there seemed little point. Nevermore…

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    He took up his chisel to score
    A design on his new stable-door.
    When the horse tried to bolt
    He just took out his Colt
    And shot it. His colt is no more.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The guy was determined to score
    With the bimbo who lived just next door.
    When he begged her “Let’s do it”,
    She thought he said “Chew it”;
    He ended up feeling quite sore.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    I believe in my dream that a score
    Of young girls with sweet pussies implore
    Me to lick every part.
    I awake with a start –
    My cat is there, licking her paw.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    Maybe the title of the previous one should be “Pussy licking” …

  13. Ailsa McKillop says:

    With the aim to impress (and to score!)
    He recounted his life—an outpour!
    Aeons later said, “Phew!
    “So, tell me about you?”
    (He’d to shake her awake first therefor.)

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A furious gal knew the score,
    She was his GF, not his whore,
    He took her for granted.
    She was disenchanted..
    Then make love with him? NEVERMORE.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    A hot guy was able to score,
    He’d say to each gal, “Je t’adore!”
    He hung like a horse,
    A huge factor, of course,
    They all would come begging for more.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    How many were killed? What’s the score?
    It’s not a game; we are at war.
    Gun loving, NRA
    Keeps restrictions at bay
    We can’t allow this, any more..

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    He wrote a dynamic film score,
    Great music, one could not ignore.
    Enhancing the mood,
    It did not intrude.
    The audience clamored for more!

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    Aaarghh! A senior moment! The second line in my second limerick higher up is two syllables short. I was fooled because the number of letters made the line look long enough. Here’s a corrected version:

    (A variant on an old story)

    “If I offered a million to score,
    Would you let me have sex with you?” “Sure!”
    When he said “And ten bucks
    For a couple of fucks?”,
    She exclaimed “Do you think I’m a whore?”

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    (… conclusion of story)

    “With all due respect”, replied he,
    We’ve established, I think you’ll agree,
    What you are beyond doubt.
    Now we’re haggling about
    The amount you’ll accept as your fee.”

  20. Mark Kane says:

    Seeing ‘Rubdowns’ displayed on the door,
    He walked in with the hope he would score.
    And the prices looked nice
    (Sure with out any ‘Spice’),
    But ‘To Score’ he soon learned would cost more.

  21. Fred Bortz says:

    (Something to remember as the 2016 election nears)

    Seven years more than four score,
    Said Lincoln, who struck at the core
    Of our country’s great dreams:
    Though it’s split at the seams,
    May our nation be one evermore.

  22. Colonialist says:

    The USA rugby fans clearly deplore
    The rather depressing last Springbok game score;
    Brave attempts were not tries;
    Goal not met; no surprise
    That they ran out a zero against sixty-four.

  23. Colonialist says:

    You measure an achievement by a score,
    And twenty gives it meaning that is more,
    But you also score with sex;
    Music scores, one notes, may vex;
    With scores of scores as scores in scores – all four?

  24. Adam Stern says:

    Mickey Rooney and Zsa Zsa Gabor
    Had, between them, romances galore.
    Of these numerous flings,
    Seventeen traded rings
    With the subjects (but who’s keeping score?).

    (Mr. Rooney wed eight times before his death in 2014; Ms. Gabor, still with us at age 98, has had nine husbands [so far].)

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    If intelligent, you know the score,
    The rich corporations want more.
    They buy politicians
    To front their positions;
    ‘Cause profits are all they stand for.

  26. yt cai says:

    The cobbler was getting quite sore
    As her feet were size 12’s and much more
    She wanted more laces
    And made dirty faces
    With an awl he settled the score

  27. yt cai says:

    Jim’s blue ball was getting more sore
    Even struck out with the town whore
    He purchased Bolero
    To catch Cupid’s arrow
    With each climax Jim found a score

  28. Adam Stern says:

    Saw “The Martian” last night. What a bore!
    Those two hours seemed much more like four.
    So-so script, acting tired,
    Effects uninspired,
    Topped off by a substandard score.

  29. Kirk Miller says:

    I wanted to screw old Lenore.
    She opened her legs so I’d score.
    But when I took a peek,
    I let out a big shriek,
    ‘Cause her twat oozed a big canker sore.

  30. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A baker in downtown Lahore
    Had a float of rupees—a mere score.
    But he could bounce back—
    No more would he lakh
    If only the sum were in crore!

    (A variation of the above in a more topical setting.)

  31. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    You’re a flake, and an ass, and a bore,
    You’re a snake in the grass, and what’s more,
    You’re a fake, and so crass,
    A mistake with no class,
    But it’s not as if I’m keeping score.


    The Red Team has tilted the Floor
    So the Blue Team can’t possibly score;
    If the playing field’s level,
    They howl like the devil,
    And don’t want to play any more.

  33. David Reddekopp says:

    Of these movies, there’s more than a score
    The next one will make 24*
    And in all the Bond flicks
    There are plenty of chicks
    You could say that there’s pussy galore.**

    *The 24th, called Spectre, debuts in London in two weeks, and worldwide on Nov 6.
    **Pussy Galore (really?) is one of the Bond girls, from the movie Goldfinger, the 3rd film in the series.

  34. It isn’t just kids at the shore
    Who know what a wingman is for:
    When Delius woos
    His recalcitrant muse,
    It’s Fenby who helps him to score!

    (Frederick Delius, paralyzed at the end of his life, relied on his amanuensis Eric Fenby to write down the music he dictated from his bed)

  35. That new composition’s a bore:
    Just hear how the listeners snore
    (The composer, though, knows
    That they’re likely to doze:
    He’s written them into the score)!

  36. David Reddekopp says:

    There was a young virgin, Lenore
    Who’d never before had a score
    When given the dildo
    She wan’t too thrilled. Oh,
    She didn’t know what it was for.

  37. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I knew that our new rhyme word “score”
    Would bring out the crude poems galore
    Some, pretty disgusting
    Outrageous and lusting
    Don’t think I can take anymore.

    If you think I’m a prude and a bore
    Listen close, so that you know the score
    If I’m with the right man
    I’ll do all that I can
    To fulfil his desires and more.

  38. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A fellow who’s known as a bore
    Was restless and ready to score
    When getting romantic
    He soon became frantic
    When she fell asleep and would snore.

  39. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The orchestra played on the floor
    As female fans pushed through the door
    Backstage they all waited
    Their lust unabated
    Composers are known for their score!

  40. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A bombshell too hot to ignore
    She knew she would let her man score
    It’s like the first time
    And the feeling’s sublime
    So they did it a hundred times more.

  41. Sylvia Fairley says:

    Jocasta, while offering more
    Than a mother had given before
    Said ‘I’m going to have sex
    With Oedipus Rex,
    It’s one way a woman can score.

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    Will, continuing the musical theme in a rather scurrilous and unfair vein:

    “Billy Budd” is a wonderful score,
    Though, as homophobes often deplore,
    It’s a men-only do.
    But the Stern of the Crew
    The composer was known to adore.

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    Sylvia, if only he’d known …

    But if someone had told him the score,
    Oedipus would have run through the door.
    “Kill my dad? Screw my mum?
    That would surely be dumb,
    And extremely short-sighted, what’s more.”

  44. Dave Johnson says:

    An ad man was bragging once more
    About all of the chicks he could score.
    The bartender’s grin
    Said “I’m hearing the gin;
    ‘Cause most nights, he can’t find the door.”

  45. Dave Johnson says:

    The coach said “I really abhor
    Your allowing their much higher score.
    If you fail in this half
    To abolish that gaffe,
    I’ll be running your ass out the door!”

  46. Steve Benko says:

    When ze girl from Paree says “Alors,”
    Mon ami, you are going to score
    Even better, her mouth
    Will head far to the south
    If you whisper “Cherie, je t’adore”

  47. Judith H. Block says:

    What can I believe any more?
    I doubt everything to its core,
    ‘Cause most isn’t true
    And I don’t believe you.
    And pols will say things just to score.

  48. Phil Graham says:

    Everyday I take four pills or more
    They’re procured from my local drug store
    When I rise, green, pink, red
    Blue capsule before bed
    And if lucky, two whites with a score.

  49. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I know what the blue one is for
    I think it just might help you score
    You’ll seem so darn gallant
    With unbridled talent
    The ladies will want an encore.

  50. David Reddekopp says:

    Jesus said to get through heaven’s door
    That we have to take care of the poor
    Republicans tease as
    Their “party of Jesus”
    Has flagrantly failed on that score.

  51. Phil Graham says:

    Men get wide-eyed by Viagra’s lore
    About hard ons that last up to four
    Hours, but if it came true
    I would know what to do:
    Screw at least ten times, maybe a score!

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    Whenever you’re ready to score,
    Our product can help with the chore.
    With just one little pill
    You’ll keep going until
    You’re both really happy – or sore.

  53. John Armstrong says:

    The defense always rallies to score
    While the offense continues to snore
    It’s not Manning’s fault
    Ctrl, Del, Alt
    Reboot the roster once more

  54. Suzanne Heymann says:

    This legend, the great Bobby Orr
    He knew how to shoot, how to score
    A defenceman so fearless
    Performance just peerless
    They don’t make ’em like that anymore.

  55. David Reddekopp says:

    “Oh, Henry,” says Candy, the whore
    She Snickers, “would you like to Skor?
    For a modest PayDay
    You’ll have your Milky Way.”
    But his Aero has hurt her; she’s sore.

  56. Judith H. Block says:

    The pattern is put on the floor,
    A sharp blade used to trace and score.
    That’s all it will take
    For stained glass to break-
    As hurtful words cut to my core.

  57. Dave Johnson says:

    She wished to improve on her score
    And hired a golf pro named Thor.
    As they worked on her stance,
    She saw in a glance –
    His driver was up for the chore.

  58. Back in the days of yore
    If a man wanted to score
    He got a little feel
    And he felt like a heal
    Now he’s in the front and out the back door

  59. Some say the Democratic Debate was a snore,
    others were concerned about the score–
    who won, who lost, who shined;
    but it was just the same old grind,
    Let’s show these politicians the door.

  60. Gayle Walters Rose says:

    Ha! Poor guy. Will try and come back later and write my own limerick.

  61. Bjorn says:

    There once lived in Paris a bore
    so ugly he never would score
    but when he conceals
    his penis in steal
    he turn easily girls into whores

    (sorry.. but I have always thought Limericks should be a little dirty)

  62. GO CUBS!

    “Darling, what’s the score?”
    “I believe it’s 3 to 4”
    “Do you think the Cubs will win?”
    He said with a grin
    “Their foot’s finally in the door!”

  63. Tim James says:

    The romantics will call it “amour,”
    Whereas boys of all ages say, “Score.”
    For each lady and guy,
    Whether gay, straight or bi,
    There’s just one thing we want of it: more.

  64. kanzensakura says:

    Poor man! he tried so hard and his singing was also a bore.

  65. Midnight road.. a walk alone..
    Keep moving.. make a score..
    a score is more.. rhymes with i..
    Who can i be.. but a work of lUSt..
    Oh.. rubbER gLoves.. reAlly.. i MusT..;)

  66. kaykuala h says:

    Rightfully incensed she had points to score
    Bidding his time bent on irritating her more
    Pushed some clever tactics
    With strategic humor mix
    To ensnare her heart rather than just a bore

  67. Mad: I should know better than to say foot instead of feet.

    “Their FEET are finally in the door.”
    A man is not a HEAL; he’s a HEEL.
    Could you fix it for me?

    I knew a man who loved to score
    He bragged to the ladies; what a bore!
    One day I said
    “Before you drop dead
    Sign here; you’re my husband no more”

    Note from Mad Kane: I’m not sure which limerick you want corrected. Please just re-post your limerick as you want it to appear.

  68. We in Chicago adore
    The team that we cheer for
    We hope the boys in blue
    Will manage to get through
    And win the triumphant score

  69. Not a duplicate

    Back in the days of yore
    If a man wanted to score
    He got a little feel
    And felt like a heel
    Now he’s in the front and out the back door

  70. Dearest, why do you roar?
    “Because it’s one to four!
    “Do you think the Cubs will win?
    He said with a grin:
    It’s time for their centennial score!

  71. The man that I adore
    Is always keeping score
    He said my body’s colder
    Because I’m getting older
    “What do you expect ; I’m ninety four”

  72. Brian Allgar says:

    St. Peter would tally the score
    To decide who he’d let through the door.
    “Carter, 5 – it’s your day.
    Clinton, 1 – well, OK.
    Bush? Sorry, you’re still minus 4.”

  73. Fred Bortz says:

    Reinventing Biology

    The fungi sent out a sweet spore
    To his fun-gal who couldn’t ignore
    Its lure, pheromonal.
    She responded, full zonal,
    And they had baby ‘shrooms by the score.

  74. Jim says:

    He wrote little poems before,
    but his teachers gave a bad score.
    He tried once again,
    on Twitter made friends.
    Now writing’s no longer a chore.


  75. Abhra says:

    Ha ha – I love this one. Some day I would like to try writing a limeric….

  76. Tim James says:

    You’re a bully, an oaf and a boor,
    And, if anyone cares to keep score,
    You were bad at your job.
    Let’s be honest, you slob:
    It’s a joke that you ever beat Gore.

  77. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’m blind and I’m deaf; what’s the score?
    This ball game is really a bore
    Two senses I’ve lost
    And it sadly has cost
    Me my sanity down to the core.

  78. There’s a man at the Jersey shore
    Who says he really knows the score
    We went to Asbury Park
    And necked in the dark
    It hasn’t been updated since the Viet Nam war

  79. Priscilla really knows the score
    She’s relentless, intense and totally hardcore
    Look for her on Second street
    That is her usual beat
    Just ask for a lady called Prissy Galore

  80. David Reddekopp says:

    Hey Mad, I should probably tell you there’s a hidden pun in L5 of my candy bar limerick. See if you can spot it. Also, I used the title “Turning Twix” at Phil Graham’s site.

    (Note from Mad Kane: I’m guessing either a reference to aero-gymnastics, which could definitely hurt. Or possibly some outer space reference back to the Milky Way.)

  81. David Reddekopp says:

    Tim, if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Gore win the popular vote?

    (From Mad Kane: Yes, Gore did. But Bush won the Supreme Court vote. :))

  82. Allen Wilcox says:

    His need to make love to a whore
    Led him down a dark path to a score.
    He awoke from a stupor
    And proclaimed,”I am super.
    Beyond that all I know is I’m Thor.”

  83. Allen Wilcox says:

    A limerick writer was sore.
    He could not seem to get past line four.
    It was then that he sought
    Some comfort in thought –
    “I know more is less, less is more.”

  84. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 235.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Burn.