Limerick Skill (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was proud of his skill…*

or

A woman was proud of her skill…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Skill
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was proud of his skill
In drafting the hand-crafted will:
“I’ve perfected this science,”
He’d brag, but his clients
Took ill at the sight of his bill.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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100 Responses to “Limerick Skill (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. At last! My life’s ambition, to be first up! ;)

    Called a baby whale, proud of his skill,
    “Hey Ma! Look at me, shovelling krill!”
    “Don’t they teach at Whale School
    “If you speak with mouth full,”
    She ragged, “You’ll eat less than you spill?!”

  2. Michael Grove says:

    A woman was proud of her skill.
    She performed on her knees until
    while taking a risk
    she threw out a disc.
    Now she’s paying the Doctor’s bill.

  3. Michael Grove says:

    A fellow was proud of his skills
    trading stocks, bonds and treasury bills.
    He started out small
    and worked for it all.
    Now everything’s measured in mills.

  4. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    A prowess so potent it could kill
    Played easy
    Nothing dirty
    Likes of a lawman fitted the bill

    Hank

  5. A whale was proud of its skill
    To filter the ocean of krill.
    It did nothing else at all
    Because the things are so small
    And took ages for it’s stomach to fill.

    A woman was proud of her skill
    For maintaining her Venus’ ‘hill’.
    To assist in the chore,
    The perfume was Dior,
    But the landscaping came from Brazil.

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    To give all the women a thrill.
    But unbeknownst to him,
    When the lights were dim,
    A vibrator had a role to fulfil.

  6. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Or giving women a thrill
    Until that once
    When the dunce
    Forgot the rubber and took ill

  7. Diane Groothuis says:

    That songbird proud of his skill
    At whistling a quite complex trill
    But some hippie smoke
    Caused him to choke
    And his talents went swiftly downhill

  8. Diane Groothuis says:

    A tailor who proud of his skill
    Liked a jaunty young lady named Jill
    He was so smitten
    He said “I’ll dress you kitten”
    And he sent her out dressed fit to kill

  9. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gourmet chef proud of his skill
    Always garnished with garlic and dill
    Said one diner who started
    Belched loudly then farted
    “You don’t need to pay the gas bill”

  10. A fellow was proud of his skill
    At signing his name with a quill
    Said his friend, Paul Revere,
    “Put your John Hancock here!
    “Make it large, we’ve got pages to fill!”

  11. Veralynne says:

    A lady was proud of her skill
    At fitting men to only her bill
    Just one time, they were hers–
    Whether dandies or curs;
    She could suck out all of their will.

  12. Veralynne says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    At stepping out and not paying the bill.
    A freeloader at heart,
    He could play any part.
    And he did! It gave him a thrill.

  13. Veralynne says:

    A sad fellow had not one skill
    Unemployed, he had time to kill
    He began stacking junk
    Wouldn’t you know it, the lunk,
    Is a galleried artist! Top bill!

  14. Veralynne says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    In the kitchen, but her hubby, Bill,
    Who was quite the gourmet
    Would invariably say
    “Damn, Honey! This tastes like swill!”

  15. Veralynne says:

    Ma and Pa Kettle were proud of their skill.
    Into their kids they attempted to drill
    The pride and ambition
    Of their family tradition
    In runnin’ their moonshinin’ ‘still.

  16. Paul Dickey says:

    Republican pollies are proud of their skill
    at pandering to the 1%’s will.
    But they balk at the issues
    though they cry into tissues,
    while the oil and logic continue to spill.

  17. Veralynne says:

    Seems our gov’ment is proud of its skill
    To run We, the People, through the mill!
    They destroy our land and our wildlife–
    Corporations aren’t “pro-life”!
    What kind of motto is “Drill, Baby, Drill”?

  18. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Of giving his good wife a thrill.
    Said she of his mountin’
    I fear that your Fountain
    Of Youth has gone over the hill.

  19. Veralynne says:

    Correction to fourth line, above:

    Corporate personhoods aren’t “pro-life”!

  20. A gigolo was proud of his skill,
    being true professional, when giving a thrill.
    He wouldn’t settle for less,
    than ‘value for money’ sex
    making sure ones’ needs were fulfilled

  21. Craig says:

    (Only folks of a certain age will get this reference)

    A hooker was proud of her skill
    She could change her persona at will
    The one men liked best
    Was prob’ly Mae West
    The least popular? Sister Bertrille.

  22. Craig says:

    A fella who thought he had skill
    Drove his Smart Car too fast o’er the hill
    He encountered a trucker
    Who smashed that poor [guy]
    They scraped what was left off the grill.

  23. Craig says:

    A porn star of notable skill
    Was thought to be over the hill
    So she went for the record:
    “Most Times Being Peckered”
    (I think that gal’s lyin’ there still.)

  24. Craig says:

    An investment guy seemed to have skill
    Making money – a lot from a li’l.
    But they found out his Ponzi
    Scheme, so he got on zee
    Next flight on zee way to Negril.

  25. Patti says:

    My old Granny is proud of her skill.
    In her dotage, driving still gives her a thrill.
    But those who get in her way
    Will have a high price to pay.
    They’ll spent their dotage as road kill.

  26. Al Hood says:

    A blogger who thought he had skill
    Didn’t realize his limericks were shrill
    So he came in last place
    Each week of the race
    At Mad Kane’s limerick drill.

    Though he falters time after time
    He always submits one more rhyme
    Cause the more you rehearse
    When you’re working with verse
    Eventually one is sublime.

  27. Craig says:

    Daisy Mae don’ have much of a skill
    Pickin’ fellers to give her a thrill.
    As Mammy told Pappy:
    ‘She thought she’d be happy ––
    But found out why Abner’s called L’il !”

  28. Craig says:

    At the old folks home, Charlie had skill
    And he gave all the ladies a thrill
    “There’s a new one each night
    And I treat ’em all right
    But thank God for that little blue pill!”

  29. Mark Kane says:

    A lawyer was proud of his skill.
    With probate he’d aim for the kill.
    Pay enough of his fees,
    And he’d find legal keys
    To unlock all those funds from each will.

  30. Mark Kane says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    At bending old men to her will,
    She’d start with a dance,
    Then move to romance,
    With her talents no need for a pill.

  31. Mark Kane says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    At raising the dead — What a thrill.
    She’d wander the beach,
    Keeping just out of reach,
    Wearing something they banned in Brazil.

  32. Mark Kane says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    And arrived at the ball dressed to kill.
    For extended hot fun,
    She took on more than one,
    Then left, getting more than her fill.

  33. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    To guzzle a gallon of swill
    He did it so fast
    His hangover would last
    From night till the sun drifted over the hill.
    .

    A woman was proud of her skill
    To get a man drunk on coarse swill
    She’d dump him in bed
    Take his money instead
    And leave him thinking he had a cheap thrill.

  34. A dentist was proud of his skill
    With probes and high pressure drill,
    With his precision flossing,
    And his peppermint washing,
    But mostly he was proud of his bill.

  35. A lawyer was proud of his skill
    Charged one pound of flesh for his bill
    That’s not just a saying
    His clients were paying
    So where there’s a weigh, there’s a will

  36. Jim Delaney says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill,
    Though his friends thought it run-of-the-mill:
    He could chew gum and walk.
    If the facts matched his talk,
    Gerald Ford would be President still.

  37. Granny Smith says:

    A god had great pride in his skill
    Of seducing each goddess at will.
    He thought he might use a
    Few ploys on Medusa.
    Turned to stone, he is standing there still.

  38. Versebender says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Making moonshine inside of his still
    But his profits were few
    In spite of his brew
    ‘Cause he’d swill every drop he’d distill

  39. JazzBumpa says:

    Ol’ Billy was proud of his skill
    At refining the mash in his still;
    He smiled ‘cuz his whiskey
    Made lady-folk frisky,
    ‘Till he met a transvestite named Will.

    Cheers!
    JzB

  40. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    He whistled a meadowlark’s thrill
    It was quite a surprise
    For his lips were the size
    Of a well endowed platypus bill

    A fellow was proud of the skill
    Of his member that he just called bill
    Though it curved to the right
    It was still quite a sight
    For it measured at least 80 mil

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    With cucumber, vinegar, dill
    By the book it did cook
    And yet all who partook
    Ended up quite deadly ill

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    The intrigue sure gave him a thrill
    He worked for three letter
    The less known the better
    If he told you, well he’d have to kill

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    With a hammer, screwdriver, and drill
    But he had one big flaw
    He was bad with a saw
    He’s lucky there’s three fingers still

  41. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Then there was this girl we’ll call Jill
    Jack was his name
    And Jill was not game
    So she pushed Jack off of the hill

  42. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    He’d roller skate down a steep hill
    Then he hit a bump
    And we heard a thump
    And tomorrow they’re reading his will

  43. Mike Dailey says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    Waiting on table until
    Her blouse popped a button
    Dropped her boob in the mutton
    It happend at my Hotterville

  44. Mike Dailey says:

    For Jazz
    Ol’ Billy was proud of his skill
    And of the transvestite named will
    When he gave him a sip
    Will gave him a tip
    and Ol’ Billy could hardly stay still

  45. A puppy was proud of his skill
    At being rambunctious until
    With his white coat and spots
    (they were block polka dots)
    He was nabbed by Cruella Deville

  46. After the dentist limerick this morning, I got a bit excited about different professions:

    A butcher was proud of his skill
    And the number of sausages he’d fill
    He was eventually arrested
    When his sausages were tested
    And found their meat content was nil.

    A chemist was proud of his skill
    To dispense both potion and pill.
    But it was all a great lurk,
    The stuff didn’t work:
    It was the price that made you feel ill.

    A weightlifter was proud of his skill
    But at night wore dresses of twill,
    Along with stocking and pearls,
    He went out with the girls,
    In search of somebody to thrill.

    A bootlegger was proud of his skill
    And would daily spit-polish his still.
    But he had to regret
    That he lit a cigarette
    And his body blown over the hill.

    A cyclist was proud of his skill
    But was popping prohibited pills.
    When positively swabbed,
    “I’m sorry” he sobbed,
    But from there he kept going downhill.

    A harlot was proud of her skill
    With men who have dreams to fulfill.
    “Their wives have stopped heeding
    Their base carnal pleading,
    So they are happy to find someone who will.”

  47. I was once proud of my skill
    until it left me on the whim.
    Becoming a mute nerd
    left without a word,
    unable to find a rhyming theme.

  48. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Of ridding the town of road kill
    With a bucket and trowel
    Be it mammal or fowl
    He’d carry it home to his grill

    Once there he was proud of his skill
    Cooking on his BBQ grill
    That was of course
    Till you found out the source
    And then you would probably feel ill

    And so he perfected the skill
    Of lacing your drink with a pill
    For when you were groggy
    Your thinking grew foggy
    You developed a taste for road kill

    A woman was proud of her skill
    With a feather and her husband’s drill
    She would get it to spinning
    And soon she was grinning
    A pleasure spot she did fulfill

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    But with line dancing I had my fill
    Even with me right with him
    The guy had no rhythm
    I’d rather that he just stood still

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Of designing a chic espadrille
    You knew when you wore ‘em
    No one could ignore ‘em
    And that gave this fellow a thrill

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Of tuning out noises, shrill
    For then he could marry
    That cute loudmouth Sherrie
    When others had just had their fill

  49. Claudia says:

    haha…this would be a good strategy for any doctor…if they see the bill they get sick again and need another treatment..smiles

  50. A colonist proud of his skill
    At shopping up on Beacon Hill
    Found a crowd that was fighting
    For tools used in writing
    And had to go in for the quill

  51. Patrick McKeon says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    For cleaning his ears with a drill
    “It could hurt my brain”
    He would freely explain
    “But for me that’s just part of the thrill”

  52. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    How his dreams he could always fulfill
    But he couldn’t marry
    His love – Katy Perry
    Around him the poor girl got ill

  53. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Standing out on a high window sill
    He thought he could fly
    So he gave it a try
    His first thoughts were yes – and then nil

  54. Mike Dailey says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    All decked out in womanly frill
    But when I saw her panties
    They were high waisted aunties
    And that was a classic mood kill

  55. viiv blake says:

    A dancer, proud of her skill
    with her body while she was still
    young and pretty
    thought life pretty shitty
    when she found herself over the hill.

  56. brian miller says:

    a fellow was proud of his skill
    some would say he. quite the thrill
    with oos and ahs
    and a few ah has
    until tripping, he broke his quill.

  57. Bryan Coughlan says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    At exploring each Andean hill
    But sooner or later
    He’ll near the Equator
    And lose himself in Guayaquil 

  58. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    At giving his lovers a thrill.
    He had such a keen piece
    That even Ms. Greenpeace
    Cried, “Ooh, baby – drill, baby, drill!”

  59. Craig says:

    He was hired for his dognapping skill
    But car stealing gave him a thrill
    Then he made his boss mad, he
    Grabbed up the wrong Caddy –
    He’d stolen Cruella’s DeVille!

  60. Diane Groothuis says:

    A worker was proud of his skill”
    At crossing his boss’ door sill
    Tho he didn’t oughta
    He messed with the daughter
    And thus had his dick in the till.

  61. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    Old Queen Lizzie is proud of her skill
    In dismissing her Consort at will.
    In the Royal boudoir,
    She says, “Stay where you are,
    For, thank goodness, I’ve more than my Phil.”

  62. Bruce Niedt says:

    A company proud of its skill
    with an underground gas-from-shale drill,
    found its eco-sense lacking –
    when it was done fracking,
    our poor Mother Earth was quite ill.

    A carpenter’s proud of his skill
    at giving young women a thrill.
    But they’re not impressed –
    from his tool box the best
    they can get is a three-fourths inch drill.

    A deli clerk’s proud of his skill,
    and the gals think that he fits the bill,
    when he pulls out a pickle
    and gives them a tickle,
    and it’s not necessarily dill!

  63. Tom Hale says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    With a bow, and so her beau, Will
    Let her shoot off his head
    A fruit ripe and red
    And he lived to tell, “What a thrill!”

  64. Bruce Niedt says:

    A company proud of its skill
    with an underground gas-from-shall drill,
    found its eco-sense lacking –
    when it was done fracking,
    our poor Mother Earth was quite ill.

    A carpenter’s proud of his skill
    in giving young women a thrill.
    But they’re not impressed –
    in his tool box, the best
    he can give them’s a three-fourths inch drill!

    A deli clerk’s proud of his skill
    and the gals think he fits the bill.
    He gives them a tickle
    when he pulls out a pickle,
    and it ain’t necessarily dill!

  65. Bruce Niedt says:

    Oops – typo on limerick #1:

    A company proud of its skill
    with an underground gas-from-shale drill,
    found its eco-sense lacking –
    when it was done fracking,
    our poor Mother Earth was quite ill.

  66. John Larkin says:

    A fellow is proud of his skill
    with his cordless electric drill.
    He’s drawn up his goals
    to make perfect holes
    which give him a tremendous thrill.

  67. A fellow was proud of his skill
    In the way that he handled his drill.
    He bragged that his bit
    Was a lovely tight fit,
    And of his work most get their fill!

  68. Daniel Ari says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    in handling Capitol Hill.
    The “executive branch”
    made Monica Blanch,
    and Hillary cried, “Stop that, Bill!”

  69. Fred says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    of simultaneously swallowing pills
    He’d brag and he’d boast
    to all to give credence and toast
    Until the time one lodged and he fell still

  70. Craig says:

    The demanding director had skill
    But his actors were ready to kill:
    “I fear that the stress’ll
    Make me take out ol’ Cecil –
    I feel I’ve been run through DeMille!”

  71. Veralynne says:

    The little dog, proud of his skill,
    Thought that he’d swipe a snack from Ol’ Bill.
    While Bill, the big dog, was sleeping,
    The little dog came creeping,
    And ate from the big bowl his fill.

  72. Edmund Conti says:

    Obama was proud of his skill
    Finding terrorists in every hill.
    The drones all rained on
    Those poor Taliban.
    A bit of–you’d say–overkill.

  73. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Though seemingly run-of-the-mill
    The things that I do
    Well, you can do too
    And better than me, if you will.

  74. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    Of what he once did with his Jill.
    And as for the water
    Well, let’s send our daughter.
    I think we’re both over the hill.

  75. Edmund Conti says:

    A barber was proud of his skill
    In being the best in Seville.
    But another more splendid
    At hair-cutting ended
    His reign, there in Spain, if you will.

  76. tashtoo says:

    A fellow was proud of his skills
    at prepping the prettiest pills
    Took one too many
    became way too skinny
    And now the wind gives him his thrills

  77. Veralynne says:

    Her arias were her very best skill

    The aria was her very best skill
    And the audiences hung on her trill
    But at home, not on stage,
    She’d go off on a rage!
    For hubby her trill was too shrill.

  78. Teamea says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill,
    He could swallow pill after pill,
    Someone asked, ‘can you swallow a stone?’
    ‘Why only a stone?, I could even a bone!’
    Off he went and swallowed a hill.

  79. Beefed a sperm, proud of his skill
    In reaching the top of the hill,
    “Now I ain’t one for nigglin’
    “But 3 days’ solid wrigglin’
    “To read, ‘NO EGGS TODAY, ON THE PILL’??!”

  80. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    At being able to dodge any bill
    To restaurants he’d go
    And leave through the window
    After ordering and eating his fill

  81. Johanna Richmond says:

    Mitt Romney is proud of his skill
    For avoiding taxation at will.
    But he’s frightfully lacking
    In ideas for backing
    The folks he’s left holding the bill.

  82. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    With the help of a little blue pill
    Till his paramour mumbled
    A mouthful that humbled:
    “It fills but the thrills, Will, are nil.”

  83. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow as proud of his skill
    At writing limericks with the best of them
    OK he had problems rhyming and scanning
    And he couldn’t count to five

  84. Granny Smith says:

    A Laddie was proud of his skill
    At blowing gum bubbles at will.
    He’d chew, then he blew.
    It grew: a last view
    Of Boy floating over the hill…

  85. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    At making mares dance to her will.
    Screw grazing in meadows
    Once injured; instead those
    Mean Romneys saw dollar signs still.

  86. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    in dancing the Tango, until
    a thorn pierced her lip
    which caused her to grip
    her partner’s ‘sandwichito’ quill.

  87. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    for not puking on rides known as ‘thrill’
    ‘til one coaster flipped wide –
    then the dude could not hide
    how he got most revoltingly ill.

  88. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman was proud of her skill
    which was mentioned in every Playbill.
    In the Theatre Wing
    she was known as a ‘Swing’
    ‘cause she swung with some robust good will.

  89. Granny Smith says:

    Young Phillip took Pride in his skill
    On safari, found lions to kill.
    Like the lady of Niger
    Who rode on a tiger,
    The Lion Pride now has its Phil.

  90. k says:

    This is very clever –
    “I’ve perfected this science,”
    He’d brag, but his clients –
    Very clever indeed!
    Gallops off my tongue…enjoyed!

  91. Here’s mine:

    Going Green and Back

  92. A fellow claimed stupendous skill
    Making gals shriek loud and shrill,
    His bedding bubble was burst
    When one called him the worst,
    With the video to prove him a shill.

  93. A grifter was proud of his skill
    Swaying others to help pay the bill.
    But when checkbooks fell short,
    He would quickly abort,
    Finding others his coffers to fill.

  94. grifter edited

    A grifter was proud of his skill
    Swaying people to pay for his bill.
    But when checkbooks fell short,
    He would quickly abort,
    Finding others his coffers to fill.

  95. A madam set out to deskill
    The jobs in her house by the mill.
    Clientele didn’t “swell”
    ‘Cuz the guys knew too well
    That the thrill of a mill is quite nil.

  96. Linda Fuller says:

    A caddy was proud of his skill
    At toting clubs in his Seville
    ‘Til a ball, hit too far
    Headed straight for his car
    And ended all up in his grill.

  97. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was proud of his skill
    In promoting his Congressman’s bill.
    But the Senate took note
    ‘Twas the thirty-third vote.
    The result: Lions, 1, Martyrs, nil.

    A student was proud of his skill;
    At his studies? Heck, no! Jack and Jill.
    “While I’d fun at Ole Miss
    They resembled my sis.
    I prefer les jeunes filles at McGill!”

  98. Johanna Richmond says:

    If you’re taken with Mitt Romney’s skill
    For pretending to harbor good will,
    Ask the N-double A
    Whom he hunted like prey
    So on FOX he could call it a kill.

    It’s uncouth to court boos by inflaming
    But Mitt, with his crooked smile’s claiming
    He was just being straight,
    Wasn’t throwing out bait
    To help bolster his “freeloader’ blaming.

  99. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 70.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rueful Limerick