Rueful Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was starting to rue…*


A woman was starting to rue…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Rueful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was starting to rue
His decision to holler his boo
At a Will Shakespeare play.
What ensued was a fray:
About nothing, he feared, much ado.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

UPDATE: April 23 is Talk Like Shakespeare Day.

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103 Responses to “Rueful Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Kathy El-Assal says:

    An Inuit began to rue
    Her rendezvous in an igloo.
    When shedding her clothes,
    Her nether parts froze:
    Her tits were as cold as bijoux.

  2. Veralynne says:

    A Cajun gal was beginning to rue
    The way she was cooking her stew
    She’d gone off the page
    Leaving out cayenne and sage
    And didn’t even start with a roux!

  3. It’s been ages since I wrote a limerick. I don’t know why I stopped.

  4. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    Why? he just hadn’t a clue
    He wanted out
    Was too proud
    To admit, sulked and remained blue


  5. Sally Franz says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    All the pounds she had gathered anew
    Seems she’d taken a cruise
    Grazed on chocolate and booze
    Now her scale read: one please, not two

  6. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    the job he had down at the zoo
    For he studied a monkey
    Who was feeling quite spunky
    And didn’t respond to his shoo

  7. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The fact that his payment was due
    For he had no money
    To give to this honey
    Who usually got money to screw

    A woman was starting to rue
    That she didn’t have the good sense to
    Quench the man’s thirst
    Without getting paid first
    Just like all the good call girls do

    Now her pimp was beginning to rue
    This new girl who hadn’t a clue
    To make sure she got paid
    Before being laid
    so what was a good pimp to do

    Now this fellow was correct to rue
    The day that he screwed with these two
    For the pimp had a bat
    When he got through with that
    The fellow was left black and blue

  8. Mike Dailey says:

    This woman was starting to rue
    When she ordered McDonald’s brew
    She found it too hot
    When it burned her twat
    And you know the woman did sue

    McDonalds was starting to rue
    The fools who ordered its brew
    Who then somehow forgot
    That hot coffee is HOT
    And when spilled what HOT coffee would do

  9. Mike Dailey says:

    This fellow is starting to rue
    A limerick that he sent to you
    For it had this one word
    That shouldn’t be heard
    When a lady is within his view

  10. Mike Dailey says:

    This woman was starting to rue
    this fellow that she hardly knew
    who would send her a rhyme
    Almost every time
    She posted a comment or two

  11. Rich D says:

    A fella was starting to rue
    his youthful pursuit – sniffing glue
    It wasn’t a minus
    until his sinus
    was housing a model or two!

  12. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    the fact that lived in a zoo.
    “The pay’s great,” he said,
    “but I must share my bed
    with an aardvark, a boar and a gnu.”

  13. Mike Dailey says:

    This fellow was starting to rue
    The day that he ran into you
    For you flame his addiction
    To poetry fiction
    He’s in love with the fact that you do

  14. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    As he paddled his leaky canoe
    That his vessel would sink
    And he’d land in the drink
    And who knows what happens to you.

  15. Rich D says:

    A lady was starting to rue
    her fella’s addiction to chew
    his smile had turned brown
    which caused her to frown
    and watch other parts turning blue

  16. Mike Dailey says:

    This woman was starting to rue
    Her monthly friend was over due
    She said I’m no virgin
    Now I’ve got this urgin’
    To start eating enough for two

  17. John Sardo says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    She only had sex with a few
    Guys who could please her
    But barely would squeeze her
    Before they announced they were through.

    A fellow was starting to rue
    Quick sex and then he was through
    While in bed this poor schnook
    Watched his gal read a book
    For in a minute he promptly withdrew.

    A fellow was starting to rue
    A gal he picked up anew
    She gave him a dime
    For wasting her time
    But a fortune for dinner he blew.

  18. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    That her lover was being untrue
    The rumours were rife
    So she spoke to his wife
    Now the subject is strictly taboo.

  19. Veralynne says:

    A guy was beginning to rue
    The day that he said, “Oh, I DO!”
    To a gal sweet as honey
    (He thought she had money)
    Can’t afford a divorce, so they’re both really blue!

  20. Craig says:

    A limericist started to rue
    His endeavors the past week or two
    All that clever invention
    Got nary a mention
    (Perhaps I should switch to haiku.)

  21. Lois says:

    The handyman started to rue
    That the tools in his kit were too few
    When his client, a dame,
    Said “No condom?” A shame,
    But it looks like you’re missing a screw.

  22. Granny Smith says:

    A craftsman was starting to rue
    His use of so much instant glue
    When wife grabbed a tube
    Of vaginal lube …
    What happened I’ll leave up to you.

  23. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His attempt to woo
    When he felt down below
    And what do you know
    A pecker popped up on cue

  24. A playboy was starting to rue
    That he’d bidden the fast life adieu
    For the life of a shepherd—
    His days only peppered
    By occasional trysts with a ewe.

  25. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    Ms. Violet was starting to rue
    the day She bought her first Lou-
    boutins ‘cause stepping down
    Brought her low to the ground
    Shrinking Violet vanished from view.

  26. Craig says:

    For Jamie (and Mike on Facebook):

    The playboy-turned-shepherd did rue
    He had only the livestock to screw
    Then he got led to bed
    By a woman who said
    “It’s better with me than with ewe.”

  27. Craig says:

    A daughter had thought that she’d rue
    That her father had been so untrue
    But New York let him marry
    His dance partner Gary
    Now she’s proud of her new pas-de-deux.

  28. Craig says:

    So this working girl started to rue
    All her Craigslist ads banned as taboo
    Getting clever, linguistically,
    Wrote euphemistically
    She’s quite good at “playing kazoo.”

  29. Uhave2laff says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His reach for the wrong shampoo
    It made his head itch
    Son of a bitch!
    The suds were made for a Shih Tzu

  30. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His search for the sexually new.
    Her licking was nice,
    And it added some spice,
    But when did he ask her to chew?

  31. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The day that his little girl grew
    From a sweet innocent
    To a vixen hell bent
    On doing what young women do.

  32. A nudist was starting to rue
    Ever moving to rural Mizzou:
    “I came here to hide,
    But instead I reside
    Not in one show-me state, but in two!”

  33. Linda Fuller says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His impulse to get a tattoo.
    He let out a groan
    When the needle hit bone
    And then traveled all the way through.

  34. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His decision to serve his date stew:
    “If you value my jaw
    She winked, don’t make me gnaw
    This tough meat. Fillet only will do.”

  35. Bodhirose says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    That he ever decided to be true
    The fiancée he chose
    Loved so much shopping for clothes
    That his bank balance was minus accrue

  36. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The occasion he told her, “I do.”
    He said to the judge
    “I don’t love her that much,
    So, Your Honor, please make it, ‘Adieu.'”

  37. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    That she’d told Bill the Builder, “I do.”
    She found that male dolts
    Comprehend nuts and bolts
    But they don’t understand “gentle screw”.

  38. Al Hood says:

    The poet was starting to rue
    Every week when a limerick was due
    Just like the plop
    Each one was a flop
    Cause he wrote while he sat in the loo.

  39. Jesse Levy says:

    A singer was starting to rue
    singing the line ba-ba-boo
    They said you can’t sing
    like that fellow named Bing
    So he started to sing doo-bee-doo.

  40. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    Her new hairstyle – much MUCH too foo-FOO!
    Forget “save the receipt.”
    When your normally sweet
    Cockapoo humps your doo, time to sue!

  41. Johanna Richmond says:

    Dear Phyllis, there’s nothing I’d rue
    More than mixing up KY and glue.
    The mere thought of some rake
    With a “stick” that won’t break
    Guarantees I will ne’er again screw.

  42. A shepherd was starting to rue
    That a knitter gave in to his woo:
    The sex was no better—
    With her hat, socks, and sweater—
    Than that which he’d had with a ewe.

  43. Linda Fuller says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    Her choice of a man to redo
    Her house’s décor
    When she fell through the floor
    And landed on spikes of bamboo.

  44. Johanna Richmond says:

    Too many have gone on to rue
    Delaying a trip to the loo.
    Hear this, one and all:
    When the urge comes to call
    Piddle not; ‘taint a thing to poo poo!

  45. John Larkin says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    his decision to stop drinking brew.
    It happened one night.
    He said, “It’s alright.
    I’m simply just having a few.”

  46. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young man was starting to rue
    That he practised too hard at Kung Fu
    So I said “If you’re arty
    You may like Karate.
    But don’t come near me if you do.”

  47. Diane Groothuis says:

    A shepherd’s mate started to rue
    That the shepherd was screwing that ewe
    “Each time that you boob
    I’ll post it on ewe -tube
    And show the whole world what you do.”

  48. Tamish says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    All the noise and hullabaloo
    It all started when
    He got out of his pen
    Disguised as a blue kangaroo.

  49. Diane Groothuis says:

    The shepherd continue to rue
    Re liaisons he had with the ewe
    One day he was found
    Flat on the ground
    And they buried him under a yew.

  50. A fellow was starting to rue
    That he’d hopped on that plane to Peru.
    He got ghastly edema
    When visiting Lima,
    Which wasn’t a swell thing to do.

  51. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow who’d started to rue,
    How he’d sniffed, as a lad, too much glue,
    Said “I know what I know:
    That Obama must go.”
    (And most brain-damaged folks think so, too!)

  52. David King says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    his choice of a quiet rendezvous
    when his girl took a chance
    saying “hey, let us dance!”
    Now they’re both getting hits on Yahoo.

  53. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A cross dresser started to rue
    The affair with the hunk passing through
    They ignored protection
    Which led to infection
    Yup- crabs up and down the wazoo

  54. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A young groom was starting to rue
    so much liquor- he just couldn’t screw
    Til his bride, in her slip
    Kept a stiff upper lip
    Now neither regrets saying “I do!”

  55. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    I fear I will soon start to rue
    Dirty lim’ricks I’ve posted for view
    I’m really quite kind
    With no dirty mind
    What’s an insomniac to do?

  56. Manicddaily says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    the condom he’d bought in the loo–
    Not much use for this,
    he thought as his miss,
    didn’t show at their planned rendezvous.

    Thanks so much for your kind comments, Madeleine.


  57. Diane Groothuis says:

    Insomniac starting to rue
    Recited her lines thru and thru
    “So this is my mantra
    I won’t throw a tantra
    No matter what poo I’m into”

  58. Hansi says:

    A chef was starting to rue
    About what he might add to his stew
    He though just a squeeze
    But instead had to sneeze
    And gave all of his diners the flu

  59. Diane Groothuis says:

    I know you are starting to rue
    Your diversion with said curly ewe
    But you’re such a glutton
    For an old neck of mutton
    Which really belongs in the stew.

  60. Patrick McKeon says:


    A woman was starting to rue
    The shine that she put on her shoe
    With her skirt on in town
    All the men would look down
    Enjoying the excellent view

  61. Linda Fuller says:

    A rooster was starting to rue
    His barnyard companions. This crew
    Was motley indeed
    And he found himself treed
    By a hybrid of gator and ‘roo.

  62. grumpytyke says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    Re-doing his story anew
    The words wouldn’t come
    He was almost struck dumb
    And he knew that a few wouldn’t do.

  63. Linda Fuller says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His wife’s overuse of fondue.
    “I’m fond of you, dear,
    But I’ll make myself clear:
    Hon, you must cut the cheese, or we’re through!”

  64. Jim says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    young he didn’t know what to do
    from across the hall
    almost six feet tall
    gently she taught him what to do

  65. Linda Fuller says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    Her choice of a boyfriend. “It’s true
    He’s honest and kind
    But when we bump and grind
    He’s more cowpoke than wild buckaroo!”

  66. Ira Bloom says:

    One should hope folks are starting to rue,
    Bestiality in this venue.
    I do not wish, of course,
    To beat off a dead horse,
    But to spew in a ewe? O mon Dieu!

  67. Diane Groothuis says:

    These “poets” are starting to rue
    That their ewe jokes are ever so blue
    When we start to prattle
    Let’s leave out the cattle
    Don’t blame them for what humans do.

  68. A fellow is starting to rue
    Having lent his new left shoe to Lou.
    The one-legged lad
    Brought it back smelling bad,
    Now each second step reeks like fresh pooh!

    An old maid had reason to rue
    When she lured a young man in to woo.
    His athletic skill
    Almost led to a kill,
    When she damn near was split into two!

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The day he’d taken up with Sweet Sue.
    Her touch might be light
    But she did love to fight,
    And the good times became rather few…:(

  69. Linda Fuller says:

    Woody Allen refuses to rue
    The scene* with the black-stockinged ewe –
    She’s Gene Wilder’s sweet pet,
    Quite the ovine coquette;
    “Daisy” rated a five star review.

    *from the movie “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask” (1972). Daisy was really quite an attractive sheep. And I can’t speak for Woody Allen – perhaps he does regret the scene…but why would he? It was brilliant.

  70. Fred says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    All those things he used to do
    Treating animals as second class
    Always acting mean, cruel and brash
    It was only fitting he was fired from the zoo

  71. Diane Groothuis says:

    A traveler was starting to rue
    His last trip outside Kathmandu
    He met up with a monk
    with whom he got drunk
    On yak’s urine spiked with it’s poo.

  72. Craig says:

    Oops, forgot to cross-post this one from Facebook:

    Un soir as I walked down la rue
    A chat noir et blanc came in view
    I knelt down to pet it
    But soon I’d regret it
    Le chat? It was Pepé Le Pew!

  73. Craig says:

    And this one:

    @Jamie’s shepherd:

    You should not be beginning to rue
    It’s no contest twixt me and the ewe.
    You just go right to sleep
    After me OR the sheep,
    But come morning I’ll make breakfast, too!

  74. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    Making love to his pet kangaroo.
    When she started to hop
    He called out, “Dear, stop.
    You’re upsetting my didgeridoo!”

  75. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The things that he once used to do.
    “My life here so far
    Has been well below par
    And next month, says Mom, I’ll be two.”

  76. Linda Fuller says:

    The client was starting to rue
    His new lawyer’s reluctance to sue.
    “Slip and fall? Barking dog?
    Ex-wife’s libelous blog?
    I’ve got plenty of cases for you.”

  77. Bone says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    Her choice of brand new pantaloons
    Should’ve bought a size four
    But instead she swore
    No, really, I wear a size two

  78. Daniel Ari says:

    Mitt Romney is starting to rue
    Some things that his firm used to do:
    Letting businesses fail
    To rake in the kale.
    Now, don’t it make red states blue?

  79. JazzBumpa says:

    The chef was beginning to rue
    His ineptness at blending a roux.
    But he made it with ease
    When he used bacon grease,
    Like all the Hungarians do.

    This is my heritage. The roux is called Rántás, and this is how it’s done. [I have no idea what in the hell she is talking about. No speak-a da language.]

    Note the importance of using a wooden spoon – this is my favorite word in Hungarian: fakanál!


  80. Daniel Ari says:

    A hooker was starting to rue
    what she said to her John she would do.
    “His kink’s not exciting.
    He has me reciting
    the writings of Albert Camus.”

  81. Daniel Ari says:

    A poet was starting to rue
    how is limericks stopped at line two.

  82. Bo Peep was beginning to rue
    Teaching her sheep how to moo;
    So she asked he friend, “How’s
    One to tell them from cows?”
    “I’ll sleep on it,” yawned Little Boy Blue.

  83. That old woman was starting to rue
    The day she moved into a shoe:
    “How my life would BE altered
    “If some kind REaltor’d
    “Just find me a size 32!”

  84. Sherlock Holmes was beginning to rue
    Writing limericks; he hadn’t a clue!
    “Will THIS one please Mad?”
    Dr Watson looked sad,
    “A lame entry, dear Holmes, in my view!”

  85. Diane Groothuis says:

    A housewife was starting to rue
    That her husband had nothing to do
    Now listen you loafer
    I am not just a gopher
    There are jobs and I’ll give you a few.

  86. Diane Groothuis says:

    Humpty Dumpty (again) started to rue
    That his talents were only a few
    Now if I were clever
    I’m sure I would never
    Sit on this wall and be blue

  87. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    having ever said anything true.
    So he started to lie
    and became quite a guy.
    Mitt Romney’s his name. But, you knew.

  88. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    moving out of a state that was blue.
    She moved to the south
    and opened her mouth
    “Better red than dead” isn’t true!

  89. Linda Fuller says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His walk in the rain – “I’b got flu!
    By body id achig,
    I’b stezig ad shakig
    I’d radder be dead – ah-achoo!”

  90. Johanna Richmond says:

    A tipsy host started to rue
    Over-eating the chocolate fondue.
    Be careful of diction
    When asking to “lick son
    more skwooers” — your guests might come through.

  91. A fellow was start to rue
    His decision to visit Peru.
    It wasn’t the scenery,
    It was the odd cuisinery:
    Alpaca soup and Guinea-Pig stew.

  92. Linda Fuller says:

    A puppy was starting to rue
    His destruction of Daddy’s left shoe;
    Daddy picked up the right one
    And said, “Don’t you bite, son –
    I’ve a hambone to pick at with you.”

  93. Diane Groothuis says:

    Jack & the Beanstalk started to rue
    When he reached branch 102
    How high must I go
    For this pot of dough?
    When I get it I owe it to you.

  94. Mark Kane says:

    The owner was starting to rue
    The day he hired this crew.
    They ain’t the be all
    at cookin the creole.
    No roux, then this gumbo’s just stew!

  95. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The potion he drank with the glue
    The top of his head
    turned purple then red
    and covered the ceiling with goo.

  96. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    The day he said bugger to Chue
    for Chue did demand
    the money he hand
    but, he thought he was talking to Stue

  97. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A husband to wife said: I rue
    to critic’ the picture you drew
    for knowing darn well
    disaster it spell
    I’d rather jump off the Montbleu

  98. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    There was once a fellow who rue
    the moment he put on his shoe
    The scorpion king
    brandished his sting
    He thought it was supper for two

  99. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    neglecting to lace up his shoe
    cause mud after loot
    sucked off his left boot
    and caught his face first as he flew

  100. Dr. Goose says:

    Shiki-san started to rue
    That he ever invented haiku:
    “Regrettably, it’s
    For those sensitive twits
    Who have nothing better to do.”

  101. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was starting to rue
    His detour on Route 22:
    “Route 1’s fun to drive,
    As is I-95,
    Or the Turnpike, to mention a few.”

  102. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman was starting to rue
    That she painted her fingernails blue;
    “I thought I’d look hot,
    But regrettably not;
    Perhaps I should switch to ecru?”

  103. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 71.

    But you can still have lots of Limerick-Off fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: The Face Of Limericks.