Archive for the ‘Dating Humor’ Category
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
Many years ago I wrote a satirical blind date agreement entitled Bracing For That Blind Date. It turns out, oddly enough, that some people actually sign serious pre-date contracts.
Here’s how my more light-hearted contract begins:
Bracing For That Blind Date
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Are you facing yet another blind date with fear and dread? Are you tempted to throttle anyone who cajoles you into going out with an allegedly attractive friend? Believe it or not, blind dates can actually be fun. All you have to do is work out a few details in advance:
AGREEMENT entered into this ____ day of ______, 20__ by two jittery people hereinafter referred to as “Male” and “Female”.
WHEREAS, a mutual friend is nagging Male and Female to go out on a date;
WHEREAS, Male and Female loathe blind dates and believe that people foolish enough to go out on them deserve whatever they get;
WHEREAS, their mutual friend assures Male and Female that they both have wonderful personalities;
WHEREAS, Male and Female would rather undergo root canal than date, but it is the only way they know to get their friend off their backs; and
WHEREAS, Male and Female believe that a pre-date agreement will minimize the pain and suffering normally associated with blind dates.
NOW, THEREFORE, Male and Female hereby agree to the following blind date terms: … (My blind date contract continues here.)
Tags: Blind Dates, Dating Satire, Lawyers, Relationship Contracts, Satirical Agreements
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Dating Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Relationship Humor, Romance Humor, Satirical Contracts | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
A new limerick, haiku, and senryu prompt (at long last) whose theme is jewelry, crafts, and engagements. First, my limerick:
Engagement Bling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m engaged,” said the gal to her mom.
“I’m in love and I’m marrying Tom.”
“But I don’t see a ring,”
Said her mom. “Get some bling.
Until then, I intend to stay calm.”
And now my haiku (senryu):
Craft show earrings
Once adorned the riverfront
And now grace my lobes.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about jewelry, crafts, or engagements. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until September 5th to post it.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your jewelry, crafts, and engagement-related verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
UPDATE 2: National Jewel Day is March 13th.
Tags: Crafts Fair, Earrings Haiku, Engagement Ring, Fashion Verse, Haiku Prompts, Jewel Day, Jewelry Humor, Love Humor, March Holidays, Mom Limerick, National Jewel Day, Odd Holidays, Writing Prompts
Posted in Dating Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Fashion Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Romance Humor | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
My Confession (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m married, but still like to date.
It’s good for my marriage — no, great!
Now don’t be perturbed
Or concerned or disturbed.
The fellow I date is my mate.
(You can find more of my marriage humor and verse here.)
UPDATE: I’ve just learned that May is Date Your Mate Month. Of course my husband Mark and I like to celebrate it all year round. :)
Tags: Date Your Mate Month, Dating Humor, Dating Poem, Funny Confessions, Marriage Verse, May Holidays
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Dating Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 6 Comments »
Friday, May 23rd, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is dates and dating. First, my limerick:
The gal was enjoying her date
Till her escort became quite irate.
He assaulted a waiter,
Then said, “See ya later.”
I suppose it was something he ate.
And now my dating-related haiku:
His seeing eye dog
Led the man to her table:
A double blind date.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about dates and dating. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have two weeks to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “quitting” prompt.)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your dating verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Date Haiku, Dating Limerick, Dining Humor, Food Humor, Waiter Verse, Writing Prompts
Posted in Dating Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Wordplay | 13 Comments »
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
Ring of Truth
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“This engagement ring — that’s what I’d like,”
Said the gal to her boyfriend named Mike.
But looking unsteady,
Said Mike, “I’m not ready,
So can’t I just buy you a bike?”
Tags: Diamond Rings, Engagement Humor, Jewelry Shopping Poem
Posted in Dating Humor, Marriage Humor, Romance Humor, Shopping Humor | 4 Comments »
Friday, January 11th, 2008
Miss Dating? Not me!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Before I was married I dated
Hardly ever, cause dating I hated.
Then I met hubby Mark,
Which created a spark.
Elated, we dated and mated.
(For more date-related poems, visit Sunday Scribblings)
NOTE: If you like to write limericks or haiku, give my new poetry prompt a try. My latest topic is right on the money.
Tags: Date Humor, Dating Limerick, Sunday Scribblings
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Dating Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 17 Comments »
Wednesday, October 10th, 2007
The Definitive Bad Date (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A salty young gal is enraged
When she learns that her date is engaged,
So she curses the fellow—
Spews hate with a bellow,
Then shoots. Guess her anger ain’t staged.
NOTE: This limerick was loosely inspired by the inaugural edition of Totally Optional Prompts, which is an outgrowth of the late, lamented Poetry Thursday.
(You can find more of my dating humor here.)
Tags: Anger, Date Humor, Men and Women, Violence
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, General, Guns & Safety Humor, Limericks, Relationship Humor | 14 Comments »
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence. Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor. (And yes, we’re still married.)
I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat.
In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)
This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:
The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”
=========
(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)
Tags: Dating, Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Science Humor, Scientific Studies, Scientists
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Polls, Relationship Humor, Science Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
A Modest Dating Proposal For Anxious Guys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Introducing your gal to your mom?
Are you worried your intro will bomb?
Well here’s some advice
So the meeting goes nice:
First tell her your date’s name is Tom.
Tags: Dates, Dating, Gender Issues, Introductions, Meetings, Modest Proposal, Moms, Mothers, Parenting, Parents
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Battle of the Sexes, Dating Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Social Satire | Comments Off on A Modest Dating Proposal For Anxious Guys
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
Belated Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your apology’s rather belated,”
Said the gal to a fellow she hated.
“Your delay makes me fear
That it isn’t sincere—
You still had your hair when we dated!”
*****
UPDATE: October 14 is Be Bald And Free Day.
Tags: Apologies Humor, Baldness Humor, Be Bald And Free Day, Dating Satire, Hair Humor, Men and Women Verse, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Romance Humor
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Apology Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, Limericks, Odd Holdays, Physical Appearance, Relationship Humor | 3 Comments »
