Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STRAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 19, 2022 )

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STRAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LINES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LINES-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 20, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 19, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my STRAIN-rhyme limerick:

Friends were hoping to fly to Port Blair
To visit some relatives there.
But the new Covid strain
Has them worried again,
So their plans are all up in the air.

And here’s my LINES-themed limerick:

Here’s something that makes me see red:
A rest’rant with only one head.
Long lines for the john
While we’re eating? Come on!
I’m fed up! We’ll dine elsewhere instead.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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178 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STRAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 19, 2022 )”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Thanksgiving, each year is a pain.
    Mama always says, “Don’t dare complain!
    “The gravy’s not lumpy,
    Do not make me grumpy.
    I’m doing my best without strain”

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Seven Volumes? No Problem!

    Used to think that the line was a crime.
    But no longer, I feel it’s sublime.
    With my “DMV Tome”
    There’s no rush to get home.
    Cuz I’ve mastered “In Search Of Lost Time.”

  3. Paul Haebig says:

    I really not one to complain
    but lately I’m under such strain
    that for better or worse
    to fashion a verse
    is too much for my poor, tired brain.

  4. Paul Haebig says:

    I find that whenever I croak
    a choral work from the Baroque
    each line is so long
    that before the darned song
    is half over I gasp and I choke.

  5. Paul Haebig says:

    There once was a lim’rick unfinished.
    Its impact was greatly diminished.
    It made people whine:
    “There’s no closing line!”

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    Walkers Restaurant, 1 Walker Avenue, Clarendon Hills, Illinois.
    In Du Page County. (nice inexpensive place)

    Dine at Walkers? You’ll never go wrong.
    They offer good food for a song.
    On “Free Sample Night”
    Seniors don’t get it right.
    And that’s why the line is so long.

  7. Steve Frakt says:

    Though he thought his pursuit to be fetching
    His chances he was certainly stretching
    Her eyes they just rolled
    ‘Cause his line was so old
    When suggesting she come see his etching

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    “We are Mr. and Mrs. George Fine.
    As it happens, we’re both 99.
    I have to conclude
    That you’re nasty and rude.
    Do we LOOK like we ordered online?”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    (No jokes were harmed, or even used, in the making of this limerick.)

    There must be some way to restrain
    The madman who’s bombing Ukraine.
    Is Vlad looking for
    A nuclear war?
    He’s out of his mind, that is plain.

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    Used to do it high up in a plane.
    Or outside in the strong pouring rain.
    But now I am old,
    And the truth must be told:
    It gives me a swack inner strain.

  11. Tim James says:

    I see Brian got there first. Here’s my two cents.

    A fellow who’s stuck in Ukraine
    Has come under significant strain
    As his plan falls apart.
    Seems he isn’t too smart —
    Like his friend with the “very good brain.”

  12. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Singing lessons for me were in vain.
    My voice coach would trill, “Please refrain!”
    But I did manage once
    A series of grunts
    That sounded a lot like a strain.

  13. Kirk Miller says:

    With lim’ricks it seems I am cursed.
    I try ’til I’m ready to burst,
    But the meter is wrong,
    Or the lines are too long,
    So at poetry, I’m not well-versed.

  14. Jackie Chou says:

    Writing poetry can be such a strain
    Coming up with words is a pain
    Should have ditched it long ago
    Before it crushed my ego
    Wondering what I’ve got to gain

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    Cowboy’s horse is forlorn as can be.
    What he longs for the most: to be free.
    Being under the rein
    Of his rider’s a strain,
    So when stopping, he says, “Whoa is me!”

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    I needed a cool “pick-up” line.
    The girl at the bar looked so fine.
    I calmly walked by,
    And then I said, “Hi
    Can I buy you some Ketamine wine?”

  17. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On Paul’s “There once was a lim’rick….”

    No way does your word play diminish
    My int’rest for lack of a finish.
    Your plot lines commence
    To build up suspense
    (though your Fifth Act’s a little bit thinnish).

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Limerick #2

    Used to think that “the line” was a crime.
    Changed my mind, now I feel it’s sublime.
    With my “DMV TOME”
    There’s no rush to get home.
    I’m an expert “In Search Of Lost Time.”

  19. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Alexander, aged five, can explain
    How to turn any sprain into strain:
    “Just give up your tea
    And replace it with pee!”
    Smart alecs can be such a pain.

  20. He fooled everyone, taking the prize
    For glibness – maintaining the guise.
    But he died from the strain
    Of legerdemain–
    Keeping track of those countless white lies.

  21. At the TSA screening, the queue
    Snakes for miles, so to quickly pass through,
    Say you’ve broken a leg.
    Without having to beg,
    You’ll get quickly rolled through by the crew!

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Life is tough, and I’m feeling the strain.
    Being poor is one damnable pain.
    Inflation’s a bitch!
    I’m surely not rich!
    And seltzer is now 3 cents plain!

  23. Not all writing is tranquil, because.
    Scratching out numerous faux pas.
    It’s sometimes a strain,
    On fingers and brain.
    But can clear up bad case of the blahs.

  24. Introductory book that’s divine.
    With the subject of fish on the line.
    Is Seussian driven.
    A gift I have given.
    To children from newborn to nine.*

    *One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.

  25. The sixty were standing in queue.
    It was painfully slow, and I knew.
    There’s something afoot.
    Discovered and put.
    A sale of some shoes as what drew.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    The TRUE protocol of getting in line in New Jersey elementary school
    in the 1950’s. I will never forget it.

    In school, we would “line up” by height.
    As the tallest, it sure was a plight.
    The last to walk home,
    I would wander and roam.
    Cuz the moon didn’t shed enough light.

  27. Tim James says:

    A fellow was asked to explain
    What he did to alleviate strain.
    “Well, it helps to work out.
    But I’d falter, no doubt,
    If it weren’t for those lines of cocaine.”

  28. Bob Turvey says:

    Let’s consider the fork and its tines
    It has function and beautiful lines.
    If stuck in your thumb,
    Your eye or your bum
    It can cause the most exquisite whines.

  29. Terry Marter says:

    An actor with amnesia signs
    Kept forgetting to pay parking fines.
    So to clear his dull head
    He went fishing instead,
    But he didn’t remember his lines.

  30. My post-Covid life is a pain.
    To move is perpetual strain.
    All crawl do not runny.
    This poem could be more funny,
    but it’s morn, and I’m already drained.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    We had bunk beds, and boy what a pain.
    The berth on top made me insane.
    Now I sleep on the floor.
    I don’t cry anymore.
    The commute was too much of a strain.

  32. Dane Paulsen says:

    T-Rex had quite a long reign.
    But can’t clap – It causes strain.
    It’s not they report,
    That his arms are too short.
    But that he’s dead – It’s what they maintain.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the end of the show I just froze.
    I guess I’m not one of those pros.
    I played Charles Foster Kane.
    The last line left my brain.
    And in shame, I cried out, “Auntie Rose.”

  34. Dane Paulsen says:

    There’s a reason that my name is Dane.
    I come from a northern strain.
    Have strong Viking blood,
    But may be a dud.
    I distain going out in the rain.

  35. Dane Paulsen says:

    My golf swing’s a thing to behold.
    I follow the line like I’m told.
    But here is my bane,
    Each swing is a strain.
    They explain that I’m just getting old.

  36. Terry Marter says:

    Pursuing a line of inquiry
    About toilet roll thefts from the priory,
    The cop, needing a poo
    In the paper-less loo
    Had to use the last page in his diary.

  37. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Civic Theater auditions went fine;
    I was told that the lead would be mine.
    But on opening night —
    With my fame at its height —
    Only word I could utter was “Line!”

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve always liked pretty designs,
    And paintings of all different kinds.
    But Picasso, however,
    Was not very clever.
    Ev’ry day, all he did was paint lines.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Each night at the “Chateau Decline”
    At my door there’s a very long line.
    Ev’ry evening I hear,
    “Excuse me, my dear.
    Do you know which apartment is mine?”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Arthritic” the units are plain.
    And therefore, not hard to maintain.
    We get to bed late,
    But that is our fate.
    Cuz turning the door knob’s a strain.

  41. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey listen, how can I explain?
    I think this could drive me insane.
    But I have to tell you,
    I can’t do number two.
    I just sit in the bathroom and strain.

  42. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Correction for Mar.7th 3:02 p.m. faux pas

    Civic Theater auditions went fine;
    I was told that the lead would be mine.
    But on opening night —
    With my fame at its height —
    The one word I could utter was “Line!”

  43. Doug Harris says:

    There once was a fellow named Wayne
    Whose guts often used to complain
    Till he found that hydration
    Reduced constipation,
    Now ablutions are less of a strain!

  44. David Friedman says:

    Perhaps you have heard about Jane
    Whose tattoo has caused her some strain
    For her Chinese symbol
    Means not smart and nimble
    But rather means chicken chow mein.

  45. David Friedman says:

    The sermons of Father Matteus
    Are filled with deep breaths and long phrases
    He speaks with such strain
    ‘Cause Sister Elaine
    Is fellating him under the dais.

  46. Doug Harris says:

    Life has such stresses and strain,
    No wonder I turn to cocaine.
    It gives me a lift, at
    Once (not to be sniffed at)
    When I sell it for capital gain!

  47. David Friedman says:

    A pushy and arrogant cop
    Tried to command me to stop.
    I said, “Do you mind?
    I’m before you in line
    To order at this donut shop.”

  48. David Friedman says:

    Said Timmy one morning so fine
    Watching his folks 69,
    “Alexa’s live tweeting
    You while you’re eating
    And I’ve got the cops on the line.”

  49. Doug Harris says:

    My teacher at school gave me lines,
    My teacher at school gave me lines.
    My teacher at school
    My teacher at school
    My teacher at school gave me lines.

    You were 95 short Harris, see me after 4 o’clock.

  50. David Friedman says:

    There once was a fellow named Rand,
    The horniest guy in the land;
    He wore out six brides,
    Twelve hookers besides,
    Nine sheep, and the lines on his hand.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    We used to say, “Mama’s insane”
    And wondered if she had a brain.
    She never was able
    To set a nice table.
    Eating soup with a fork was a strain.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    4 beats to a bar in a queue.
    That’s “line dancing” all the way through.
    The origin is
    When girls needed to whizz,
    They jiggled in line for the loo.

  53. Dane Paulsen says:

    Late night he heard sounds, not divine.
    Soft music and talk, all combine.
    Couldn’t figure the source.
    Soon learned, but of course.
    His pacemaker now was on-line.

  54. David Friedman says:

    There once was a stressed sieve named Shane
    Who cried, “People drive me insane!
    They’ll scream and they’ll shout
    If some food should drip out
    And I just cannot handle the strain!”

  55. David Friedman says:

    Three lions — straight, gay, and a bi one
    Were taking a bath at Lake Zion.
    The first one got out,
    Which proves, beyond doubt,
    The shortest bath is a straight lion.

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Recipe

    Cook some pasta and thoroughly drain.
    Add bananas, some rice, and cocaine.
    Then mix very well.
    It’s tastes really swell.
    And is known as “La Gluteal Strain.”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    The boss said, “It’s time to resign.
    You know nothing ’bout style, Mrs. Klein.
    As a buyer for Saks,
    You’re gettin’ the axe,
    Cuz you chose a real tacky fall line.”

  58. A financial conundrum a drain.
    Paycheck to paycheck a strain.
    The eighty percent,
    They’re totally spent.
    Less money than month, what a pain.

  59. Linda Fuller says:

    An actress who dressed to the nines
    Was obsessed with her facial age signs
    “Though an awful brain drain
    And a terrible strain
    I always remember my lines”

  60. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ms. Portia, in English quite plain,
    Said the qual’ty of mercy won’t strain.
    But Shylock knew best.
    It wasn’t twice blessed,
    But he would not deign to explain.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Producers and Consumers has recently been replaced by “Prosumers”
    (just found that out) “Baby Boomers: Past And Present”

    Inventors, designers, prosumers.
    That’s now what we are: Baby Boomers!
    Long ago, on the line,
    Near the low-hanging vine,
    We stole Mrs. Rosenberg’s bloomers.

  62. Rudy Landesman says:

    Old Shylock would not toe the line.
    A settlement he did decline.
    He sued for some flesh,
    Not frozen, but fresh.
    On Venetian tartare he would dine.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    oops! not clear enough! line 3, “on” should have been “from”
    “Clothespins”

    Inventors, designers, prosumers.
    That’s now what we are: Baby Boomers!
    Long ago, from the line,
    Near the low-hanging vine,
    We stole Mrs. Rosenberg’s bloomers.

  64. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    My old Osteopath, Dr. Spec,
    Ought to keep his opinions in check.
    When on visits I whine
    That my spine’s out of line,
    In my file he writes, “Pain in the neck.”

  65. Linda Fuller says:

    I sit on the toilet and strain
    To remember if it was champagne
    That caused me these troubles
    (Residual bubbles)
    Or maybe the month-old chow mein

  66. Dane Paulsen says:

    My head’s full of lice complained Fred.
    All treatments so far made it spread.
    No use to complain,
    Cuz it’s a new strain.
    Which then left him scratching his head.

  67. Terry Marter says:

    Our diva soared through the refrain
    Slightly off, and with obvious strain.
    Centre-stage; somewhat loaded,
    Her high note exploded.
    So did she, – we’re still cleaning the stain.

  68. Terry Marter says:

    She runs nude on the beach, – such eye-candy,
    Just the sight of her makes me feel randy.
    I’m face-down but it’s plain
    That I’m feeling the strain
    Getting sore, raw and painfully sandy.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    A strain may result in a pain.
    A bad pain can make someone insane.
    But the worst combination
    Known as “triple sensation”
    Is pain from a sprain and a strain.

  70. Bob Turvey says:

    Physics 101

    If you pull a thin wire it feels STRESS.
    Will it STRETCH? Well, the answer is yes.
    This increase, or gain,
    In length is called STRAIN.
    Mnemonic – keywords start with “S”.

  71. Derek Sellen says:

    The new chorister sang like a drain,
    The parson went pale from the strain,
    The choirboys cried,
    The choirmaster died
    And the churchgoers all went insane.

  72. Bob Turvey says:

    I planted straight lines for a bet,
    With every bulb that I could get.
    There’s shallots and alliums
    Garlic and scallions –
    Of onions I must have the set!

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    I used to reside at “The Pines.”
    Down south where the sun always shines.
    For 2 years, lived in Rome.
    Now I live in a “home”
    Called “Swan Song For Wrinkles And Lines.”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Better Limerick

    A strain can result in a pain.
    A pain can make someone insane.
    But the worst combination
    Is that nagging sensation:
    “The Synchronous Pain Sprain And Strain.”

  75. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I make flour by stomping on grain,
    Squeeze out sugar by chewing on cane.
    I eat pasta in clumps,
    And my gravy with lumps.
    But credulity mostly I’ll strain.

  76. Dane Paulsen says:

    He kayaked for hours on the lake.
    Felt pressure that soon made him ache.
    To relieve the strain.
    The snake he must drain.
    He stood up and fell in his wake.

  77. Dane Paulsen says:

    He kayaked a river uncharted.
    With rapids – he wished he’d not started.
    A gut retching sign.
    Waterfall in his line.
    He soon joined the newly departed.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 50’s we saw many kinds
    Of extremely annoying designs.
    Tried to watch “Rin Tin Tin”
    Yet we never could win.
    So we settled for “Parallel Lines.”

  79. Tim James says:

    Said the barfly: “Hey babe, you’re a fox.
    If you like to date doctors or jocks,
    Gynecology’s sort
    Of my favorite sport!”
    His pick-up lines really suck rocks.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Autocorrect undermines
    All my lim’riks, with stupid designs.
    He goes to great pains
    Oh, how he complains!
    And insults me with red squig’ly lines.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Jingoism”

    Donald Trump, without effort or strain,
    Would smoothly make use of his brain.
    “Revenge” was the goal.
    And with total control,
    He would cry out, “Remember The Maine!”

  82. Derek Sellen says:

    The Russian people suffer the strain
    of sanctions Putin treats with disdain.
    Russia’s proud name
    bears Vladimir’s shame:
    innocent blood leaves indelible stain.

  83. Daisy ward says:

    He wiggled his body and strain
    He even twisted his hand
    Trying to break in the store
    Then was caught in the door
    Causing his body much pain

  84. Daisy ward says:

    At the food bank, the lines so long
    To pass the time they sang a song
    It sounds awfully bad
    Which made others mad
    They were just used as a pawn

  85. Dane Paulsen says:

    You’ll never find there’s a long line.
    It’s not where you go to fine dine.
    A culinary, nay.
    The Port-A-poty cafe.
    Make sure you don’t drink the house wine.

  86. With men, there’s a typical sign.
    They’re triggered, and inch down my spine.
    My virtue’s unraveled,
    Because they have traveled.
    The Mason and Dixon south line.

  87. This geometry teacher’s adored.
    But he’s cranky, exhausted and bored.
    Then lured from his books,
    To fish line and some hooks.
    Mathematical angler* restored.

    *A person who fishes with a rod and a line.

  88. Terry Marter says:

    Pythagoras knew how to wrangle
    The math’ to work out the ‘right’ angle.
    By Right (In particular)
    He meant perpendicular
    And used it to straighten his dangle.

  89. Terry Marter says:

    The world feels the pain and the strain
    That Vlad’ mad-bastard’s causing Ukraine.
    Putin’s puttin’ the boot in
    And no one’s disputin’
    He’s several degrees of insane.

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    For Charles Atlas et al.

    “If your muscles are puny and weak,
    Making prospects in life appear bleak,
    I will guide, you will strain –
    There’s no gain without pain –
    Till you sport the impressive physique.”

  91. A redo

    A geometry teacher, adored.
    But weary, exhausted and bored.
    Then lured from the books,
    To line and some hooks.
    Mathematical angler restored.

  92. Dane Paulsen says:

    A horny old man in Seville.
    Once forgot to take his blue pill.
    His performance in vain,
    Despite all his strain.
    Showed skill but lacked thrill of the spill.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry night we’d indulge in champagne.
    Then he’d whisper, “I love you sweet Jane.”
    But now that I’m old,
    The truth must be told:
    To hear all that schmaltz is a strain.

  94. Dane Paulsen says:

    Small change.

    A horny old man in Seville.
    Forgot once to take his blue pill.
    His performance in vain,
    Despite all his strain.
    Showed skill but lacked thrill of the spill.

  95. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Gene, please don’t mind me for asking,
    As in posthumous fame you’re now basking.
    So, was dancing a strain
    When you sang in the rain,
    Or, simply, routine multitasking?

  96. Terry Marter says:

    Hoping that Americans are familiar with the corny old English joke (L5), or at least Madeleine (lol).

    While sailing and writing some prose
    He fell overboard. How? No one knows.
    He yelled “I’ll be fine, –
    Someone throw me a line”
    All he got was “My dog has no nose…”

  97. Bob Turvey says:

    Mangiah Ghufran has great lines
    And he won first prize in the confines
    Of Qatar’s Camel show.
    It’s engrossing to know
    That there’s cash in God’s oddest designs.

    (A beautiful “droopy-lipped, long-lashed doe-eyed dromedary” proven by X-rays to be surgically un-tampered with. Won 1 million riyals last week.)

  98. Stu Hiley says:

    For all of this long life of mine
    lived just yards from the grand central line
    I could hear iron strain
    as the cars of each train
    pull uphill ‘tween the birch and the pine

    Sometimes I can hear it at night
    in my pale rectangle of the moon’s light
    it rolls through my dreams
    and my life seems
    on schedule and everything’s alright

  99. Terry Marter says:

    After weeks at his Mom’s up in Maine,
    Jack and wife, on the train ‘eased’ their strain.
    Train’s horn, and Jack’s, blew.
    Pocket-dial: …. “Jack?…’that you?
    Tell me, – When are you coming again?”

  100. Rudy Landesman says:

    She fell for him hook, line and sinker,
    But he, an inveterate drinker,
    With her love only tinkered.
    She was totally blinkered
    By the sweet talking lines of this stinker.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    Changing the time makes me sour.
    But my brain has a great superpower.
    To prevent any strain,
    Which I know would cause pain,
    I stamp on each clock, “Add One Hour.”

  102. Rudy Landesman says:

    I’m on line, my dear Google, for help.
    My dog has no nose, that poor whelp.
    So, how can he tell
    When I’m dirty and smell,
    And reacts with an agonized yelp?

  103. Bob Turvey says:

    To my doc I said, “Doc, my “old chap”
    Has a very bad case of the clap”.
    The doc said, “It’s quite plain
    It’s a virulent strain
    ‘cos it drips like a washer-less tap”.

  104. Davud W. Hodges says:

    If you’re wise you’ll draw lines every day
    between what you do and you say:
    Lines to toe, lines to cross,
    what to keep, what to toss,
    lines to keep you from going astray.

  105. Terry Marter says:

    Your Lim’s could show criminal signs
    If you’re writing some libellous lines.
    Ensure meaning is ‘seen’
    When reading between
    the lines, – you’ll avoid law-suit fines.

  106. Fred Bortz says:

    Toward the maiden, the knight had designs.
    He’d ply her with with candies and wines.
    Then he tried, don’t you know it,
    Romance as a poet.
    That failed ’cause his lines had false rhymes.

  107. Fred Bortz says:

    Limerick-Off Loser’s Lament

    Though the man had a Limerick brain,
    His rhyming showed signs of great strain.
    “This one’s ten of ten,”
    He said oft, and again.
    Yet he found he had lost once again.

  108. Terry Marter says:

    Invisible lines (#2).

    Do the lines that you write commit crimes?
    (Cuz we live in litigious times).
    Lines taken as read,
    If not written or said,
    Won’t attract law-suit fines for your rhymes.

  109. Rudy Landesman says:

    Your honor, I must now confess.
    I’ve ruffled some feathers, I guess.
    My lines meant as tribute
    Were not to contribute
    To a poet’s apparent distress.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    I wake up, 1,2,3, in a snap.
    I’m an active and sprightly ol’ chap.
    But I don’t want to strain
    My tireless brain.
    After rousing, I take a nice nap.

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Parallels feel incomplete.
    He is low, and she’s high on the sheet.
    They long to be “one”
    But they’re not havin’ fun.
    It’s a shame that they never will meet.

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    We met, oh, this man was so fine.
    We kissed, then we wed, (so divine.)
    Had 3 real cute kids.
    Then divorced, (on the skids)
    All this happened on DMV line.

  113. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I was waiting in line to buy booze,
    So I watched the “What Else is New” news.
    They claim twenty percent
    of our lifetimes are spent
    Watching tellies and standing in queues.

  114. Terry Marter says:

    Mathematics I once would abhor
    Couldn’t dodge it at school (it was core)
    Now I add and subtract
    And can prove it, in fact:
    The sum of these lines equals Four.

  115. Roger Haugen says:

    Murphy’s friends have always maintained
    His passion for truth is ingrained;
    They all are quite sure
    His motives are pure–
    The quality of Murphy’s not strained.

  116. David Friedman says:

    There once was a lady named mad
    Who received many limericks bad —
    With terrible rhymes
    And then there were times
    Where you just couldn’t believe how many extra syllables some of the final lines had!

  117. David Friedman says:

    Sorry, I meant “Mad.”

    I hope there’s no capital punishment.

  118. Joanna HAUGEN says:

    The rain in Spain may fall in the plain,
    But the water runs fast down the drain;
    Life’s not so lush
    When you can’t flush–
    Spanish bowels are feeling the strain.

  119. Dane Paulsen says:

    Our gov’ment confirmed UAP’s.
    They speed through our skies with great ease.
    It would be a strain,
    Another country it’s plain.
    Could never have this expertise.

  120. Dane Paulsen says:

    Give a man a fish to enjoy.
    He’ll eat for a day well, oh boy.
    But teach him one time.
    To fish with a line,
    And the ecosystem, he’ll destroy.

  121. Dane Paulsen says:

    Stare at blank page, it’s a scourge.
    Juggle words till ideas surge.
    Then line by line.
    After some time.
    Like butterfly’s, lim’ricks emerge.

  122. Randy Wagner says:

    I know these two limericks don’t exactly meet your criteria for “lines”, but I submit that the 4th line of the first limerick may be one of the best limerical lines you’ll encounter for a while. When I realized that the lyrics to “Home on the Range” were chock full of anapests, these two limericks wrote themselves.

    There once was a cowgirl named Faye
    Who, alone on the range, used to say,
    “O give me a home
    Where the buff fellows roam
    Where the dearly endowed cowpokes play.”

    Faye fancied a roll in the hay
    On the range in a cowgirlish way
    Where seldom is heard
    A discouraging word
    And the guys are rut-ready all day.

  123. Dane Paulsen says:

    A quite nimble blond, though not dumb.
    Had a W tat, each cheek of her bum.
    Then nude, with no strain.
    Handsprings she’ll sustain,
    And (WOW, MOM WOW) is seen by some.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Food World” I’m always a wreck
    When I spot Mrs. Slipshod Nontech.
    She holds up the line.
    We all start to whine.
    Cuz she says, “Oh dear, where is my check?”

    (Cash? Credit Card? We all know her:)

  125. Roger Haugen says:

    One of his unspoken lines
    When treating his customers’ spines:
    “I’ll give it a jerk,
    ‘If that doesn’t work–
    ‘Blame the astrological signs.”

  126. Roger Haugen says:

    His cellar is stocked with the lines
    Of the world’s great beers and fine wines;
    The toast before food
    Is “prost”or “salud”,
    Whether served in glasses or steins.

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of a limerick from today at 4:24 PM

    At “Food World”, I’m always a wreck
    When I spot Mrs. Very Nontech.
    She holds up the line.
    And all of us whine
    When she says, “Oh dear, where is my check?”

  128. Rudy Landesman says:

    I loved my old party-line phone.
    Conversations by people unknown
    I heard surreptitiously,
    Perhaps not judiciously.
    That way, I was never alone.

    ******

    From Mad Kane

    I remember them too. (Thereby giving away my advanced age.)

  129. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Lisi. I like “Food World” :) (I know Mrs. V. Nontech. Perhaps too well).

    When I drop in at Food World for pickles,
    The long line at my rear always trickles
    away when I start
    tearing my purse apart
    Crying, “Where is my roll of old nickels?!”

  130. Doug Scheidt says:

    On an overseas flight on the plane
    my sphincter was under some strain
    we hit turbulance
    and i shit my pants
    Left 17B with a stain

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    The zebras we see are all lined.
    Yet some tend to be quite inclined
    To ponder and muse
    ‘Bout silvery views,
    Which zebrologists tag, “Ill Defined”

  132. Linda Fuller says:

    They told us to ride the S-train
    To Rockaway Park in the rain
    We read tragic novellas
    Beneath our umbrellas
    Our tears we could barely restrain

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy’s memories of party lines are not as fond as mine.
    Dear Rudy,

    The people you called, “the unknown”
    Always irked me straight down to the bone.
    My stomach would churn
    When they’d cry, “It’s my turn,
    So get the hell off of the phone.”

  134. Rudy Landesman says:

    She was playing the Bach G-String Air
    In the orchestra’s vaunted first chair,
    And somehow she tore
    The g-string she wore.
    A line formed to view pubic hair.

  135. Terry Marter says:

    I can’t summon my usual flare.
    Emphasise the wrong word? (Wouldn’t dare!)
    Rhyme and meter (again) –
    Require stresses, not Strain.
    This needs both, so I’ll leave it right there.

  136. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ms. Madeleine seems to imply,
    And I haven’t a clue as to why,
    That I’m getting old.
    That’s really too bold!
    She reads between lines. My, oh, my!

    I read about party-line phones as a child in the “Herald Tribune”.

    *************
    From Mad Kane:

    LOL! That’s the risk you take when you write a limerick talking about your memories of party lines in the FIRST PERSON.

  137. Vaughn Fritts says:

    I suffered some serious pain
    Cuz my funny bone got me again.
    I clobbered my elbow
    And let everyone know
    By singing a humerus strain.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy’s Pants Are On Fire

    Herald Tribune? Now that’s a clear sign.
    That Rudy’s in “Senior Decline”
    He brags, now and then
    And he’s done it again
    He’s toeing that old party line.

  139. Linda Fuller says:

    Matilda once tried to abstain
    From Mollies, Big H and cocaine
    NA was a yawn
    Religion a con
    Abstention too much of a strain

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    Singles Get-Together

    If he throws me one more nasty line,
    I’ll show him the way I define
    A boor who is sick,
    Like him, then I’ll stick
    His words where the sun doesn’t shine.

  141. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, this replaces March 13 at 11.38am. Thanks.

    While sailing and writing some prose
    He fell overboard, – head over toes.
    He yelled “I’ll be fine, –
    Someone throw me a line”
    All he got was “My dog has no nose…”

  142. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’ve struggled two years to displace
    50 pounds — and I’ve done it with grace!
    I’m three sizes down —
    But I still have to frown
    When I see the new lines in my face.

    (True story and I have pix to prove it.)

  143. Sharon Neeman says:

    Making Seder’s a terrible strain,
    But I don’t have the heart to refrain —
    So I’ll cook and I’ll bake
    And I’ll clean till I ache…
    But this year I won’t make my own khrain.

  144. Sharon Neeman says:

    Half the morning I sweat and I strain
    Making borscht in support of Ukraine;
    Then my cat (who’s no fool),
    Just as soon as it’s cool,
    Eats it out of the pot. What a pain!

  145. Dane Paulsen says:

    Happy St Patricks’ Day.

    When your belly has all you can pack.
    And the wind is now at your back.
    A straight line breeze,
    Came not from a sneeze.
    From the cabbage that was your snack.

  146. Dane Paulsen says:

    One more time.
    Happy St Patrick’s Day.

    When your belly has all you can pack.
    And the wind is now at your back.
    A foul, straight line breeze,
    Came not from a sneeze.
    From the cabbage that was your snack.

  147. Dane Paulsen says:

    I too grew up with a party-line.
    No calls did we ever decline.
    One never knows
    For whom the ring tolls.
    When it tolled for the was divine.

  148. Martin Staub says:

    Thinking of some travel is a strain.
    Should I fly, should I drive or take the train
    To utter obstruent,
    My thinking’s congruent
    That I should just walk, says my brain.

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    Do-Lang-Do-Lang-Do-Lang Do-Lang-Do-Lang

    Remember the song, “He’s So Fine?”
    The next line was “Wish he were mine”
    It was all about me!
    And I’m fine-a-ly free!
    By the way, I am now 99.

  150. Dane Paulsen says:

    I wrote down bucket list, here’s my point.
    My wife used it to roll up a joint.
    Now high with no strain,
    So, my lists not in vain.
    I see places that don’t disappoint.

  151. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi, your news is just great.
    Perhaps, we should think of a date.
    I don’t mean this lightly.
    You sound young and sprightly.
    Not a day over just 98.

  152. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Mad,
    I know the above limerick doesn’t qualify. Just consider it private correspondence.
    Rudy

  153. Rudy Landesman says:

    Dear Sharon Neeman,

    Just a line saying you’ve got much class.
    I, in turn, tend to be rather crass.
    I, too, have lost weight.
    Twenty pounds up to date.
    But it seems that I’ve now lost my ass.

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m outnumbered, yet still I opine
    Harpo Marx was a long way from fine.
    I would call him “just fair”
    And was keenly aware
    He forgot ev’ry single damn line.

  155. Tim James says:

    Ev’ry week, as I struggle and strain
    To write lim’ricks for Madeleine Kane,
    My subconscious says, “Son,
    This takes wit and you’ve none.
    Write Hallmark verse. Stay in your lane.”

  156. Lisi Nortman says:

    “When Harry Met Sally”

    Not a soul at “The Strand” could surmise
    That we’d roar at this funny surprise.
    Let’s toast Estelle Reiner
    For the world’s best one liner:
    “I’ll have what she’s having” (with fries)

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    March 17th. Happy St.Paddy’s Day (Get it right)

    I’m feeling a terrible strain.
    Again, I must clearly explain!
    It’s PaDDy, not PaTTy!
    Once more, you are scatty.
    Guess you need a Hibernian brain.

  158. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Above Limerick

    I’m under a terrible strain.
    I repeatedly have to explain:
    It’s “PaDDY” not “PaTTy”
    Stop being so scatty.
    You need a Hibernian brain.

  159. Rudy Landesman says:

    Mrs. Robinson’s daughter Elaine
    Was subjected to unheard of strain,
    When her mother, one day,
    Had her lecherous way
    With Elaine’s very innocent swain.

  160. Bob Turvey says:

    There was an old fellow called Paine,
    Who once got “caught short” on a train.
    It was a non-corridor –
    (What could have been horridor?)
    The poor chap nearly died from the strain.

    There was an old fellow called Strayne,
    Who once got “caught short” on a train.
    He lowered a window
    And let what was in go,
    Which men on the lines thought was rain.

  161. Dave Johnson says:

    They met in a line at the store;
    Excited, she opted for more.
    But during the night
    Before dawn’s early light,
    Alexa was starting to snore.

  162. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  163. Sharon Neeman says:

    A play I once read (Gertrude Stein’s?)
    Had young nymphs singing nude in the pines.
    That’s a part I can’t play,
    Since (in more than one way)
    It requires me to think of my lines.

  164. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    From my childhood there comes a refrain.
    Whenever I’m boarding a train.
    An old memory stored
    makes me hear, “All Are Bored!”
    And then staying awake is a strain.

    (“Mondegreen” — a word or phrase that results from a mishearing
    of something recited or sung., e.g. “kiss the sky” or “kiss this guy”;
    or maybe “next door neighbor” vs. “neck store neighbor.” or….
    Never mind…TMI).

  165. Dave Johnson says:

    They’re already feeling the strain
    Of Vladimir Putin’s “campaign”.
    Some oligarchs know
    There is no place to go
    With mega-yachts tied up in Spain.

  166. Terry Marter says:

    My appetite’s feeling no strain
    From my recent impressive weight gain.
    I’ve eaten a horse
    With horse-radish sauce, –
    my favourite course was the mane.

  167. Tim Gray says:

    Whilst waiting for my tea to strain
    A thought pops up in my brain,
    I could get a small rag
    And make a tea bag
    And not wait for tea-strain again.

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    Never Read Anything!

    All my life, without fail, I’ve been fine.
    I’m relaxed, not up-tight, never whine.
    Here’s advice: Never Read!
    It’s too taxing, indeed.
    Merely sign on the black dotted line.

  169. Brian Allgar says:

    “Get your stragglers in”, says Mad Kane,
    And as usual, I’m feeling the strain.
    Five lines must be penned;
    I’ve got four, but to end,
    I am stuck for a pun once again.

  170. Tony Holmes says:

    “I have bullied and cudgelled my brain
    To come up with a lim’rick for strain.
    It has failed. Being thumped
    May explain why it’s stumped,
    Or it may be it simply won’t deign.”

  171. Tony Holmes says:

    I can’t delete the one above, so apologies for the variation, which I think is better.

    “I have bullied and cudgelled my brain
    To come up with a lim’rick for strain:
    But I have not prevailed.
    Damn thing sulks when assailed,
    As it deems my demands inhumane.”

  172. Dave Johnson says:

    A rewrite of my 1:38 post yesterday:

    They met while in line at the store;
    Reflexively opted for more.
    An evening spent;
    Here’s a clue how it went:
    Alexa was starting to snore.

  173. Dave Johnson says:

    When telephone lines were installed,
    Each number was wired and called.
    Today on the phone
    A new message may drone:
    “Your system has been overhauled.”

  174. Brian Allgar says:

    Their teacher said “One hundred lines
    For making impertinent signs!”
    “But Sir,” they complain,
    “That’s a lot of cocaine,
    And our dealers are all greedy swines.”

  175. Mark Totterdell says:

    I’m under a great deal of strain,
    Now the deadline’s approaching again,
    As I’d love to submit
    But my words just won’t fit
    And there’s nothing but shit in my brain.

  176. Mark Totterdell says:

    Romeo and Juliet

    Each thought that the other was hot,
    Shared a love which their kinsfolk did not,
    So got secretly wed,
    Then got laid and got dead,
    And right there, in five lines, is the plot.

  177. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Inspired by my fellow stragglers, Brian and Mark

    I am at the tail end. Yes, I know.
    I’m a straggler, a laggard. I’m slow.
    I’ve learned nothing, it’s plain,
    From that often sung strain:
    “Let it go, let it go. Let it go….”

  178. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 491 . Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Heel.