Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HEEL or HEAL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 2, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HEEL or HEAL at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FLIGHT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FLIGHT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 3, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 2, 2022, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my HEEL or HEAL-rhyme limerick:

Playing poker, Neil felt like a heel.
But he gambled with passionate zeal,
Using cash that was meant
For rent — ev’ry cent.
So his win was a very big deal.

And here’s my FLIGHT-themed limerick:

Our beagle’d chase felines with glee.
The game? Trap or make the cat flee.
But one day, Duke stood guard
For hours in our yard;
Seems our dog had barked up the wrong tree.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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186 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HEEL or HEAL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 2, 2022)”

  1. Bob Turvey says:

    In Scotland I saw a great sight —
    Hundreds of game birds in flight.
    “You have the ptarmigan
    Back on the farmigan!”
    I cried. And the farmer said, “Right.”

  2. Bob Turvey says:

    There was a young fellow called Neil,
    To whom word plays had no appeal.
    I recall he once said,
    “I wish I was dead.
    I just said that “Time wounds every heal”.”

  3. Terry Marter says:

    The ground crew’s (new) pretty young thing
    Told the pilot he made her heart sing
    “I’d love to fly high, –
    take me up in the sky”
    He instead ‘took’ her under his wing.

  4. Paul Haebig says:

    A strange silhouette in the sky;
    a rustling of wings from on high.
    Not angels divine
    but migrating swine –
    those pigs finally learned how to fly!

  5. Paul Haebig says:

    My darling, let’s fly to the Moon!
    We’ll go in a hot air balloon.
    We’ll sail lunar seas
    and feast on green cheese,
    then bask in the earthlight and spoon.

  6. Terry Marter says:

    The orchestral percussionist’s zeal
    Caused her trip; stubbed a toe, – broke a heel.
    The upshot of it all?
    The bass drum broke her fall
    Plus her arm and a new glockenspiel.

  7. Michael Blum says:

    Dr. Quack claimed a talent to heal.
    What he really could do was to steal.
    Your taste he would spoil.
    With that nasty old snake oil.
    The sonofabitch, what a heel.

  8. Patrice Stewart says:

    There once lived a Hun named A-teal-
    A, a colorful guy with appeal
    As opposed to his cousin.
    But ‘Ttila won at gin
    By stomping ‘Teal’s toes – what a heel.

    Hi, Mad! :)

  9. Kirk Miller says:

    Her first day on the job; she’s uptight
    ‘Til the stewardess meets “Mr. Right.”
    You might ask how’d she know
    That the man was her beau.
    It was easy. ‘Twas love at first flight.

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    When he lost his wife’s shoes, husband Walt
    Was concerned that his wife might assault
    Him. The danger was real,
    And he felt like a heel
    ‘Cause he knew that it was his sole fault.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    When the hostess says, “Get on the plane”,
    It ruffles and rattles my brain.
    I don’t think it’s right
    She fills me with fright.
    I’d rather get IN it, (less pain)

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    We got on the plane, me and “Pop.”
    Didn’t know that the flight was non-stop.
    It NEVER will land.
    That’s not what I planned.
    (Should have taken that hand-me-down prop.)

    **********
    From Mad Kane:

    Lisi, did you send me an email today? And did you send me a FB friend request for a different FB page? I want to make sure you weren’t hacked before I respond.

  13. Terry Marter says:

    “I’ve perfected” he said “wingless flight.
    From my power, foes cower in fright.
    I’ve a colourful cape
    It’s a really cool drape
    My name’s Clark”, – and the World said “Yeah, – Right!”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    (I’m starting the day with a few old ones while I’mmy waiting for my brain to warm up …)

    The Cardinal, quite a big wheel,
    Had a dog before whom he would kneel.
    He explained to some geezers
    The pooch was called Jesus –
    “When called, he will come straight to heal.”

    “You shouldn’t say ‘us’ll’, but ‘we’ll’ ”,
    The teacher done tell us – big deal!
    Young rednecks like us,
    Why, us don’t give a cuss.
    ’Cause us’ll get richer than he’ll.

    Torquemada invented a wheel
    That caused all his victims to squeal.
    As their feet fell apart,
    He would tell them, “Take heart,
    For compared to a soul, what’s a heel?”

    ************************

    “Fake News!” cries the Donald. “They’re lying!
    This opera scam? I’m not buying!
    Do they think I’m a fool
    Or a dumb kid from school
    To believe that some Dutchman is flying?”

    They were partying; he was so high,
    LSD made him think he could fly.
    Well, it’s true that he flew
    For a second or two,
    Till the moment he ran out of sky.

    They sneered when I said I would buy
    A fat pig, and then teach it to fly.
    “Are you crazy?” they laughed,
    “Pigs with wings? Are you daft?”
    I pointed to Trump, flying high.

  15. Tony Holmes says:

    “When three sheets to the wind, he would heel,
    All too often exposing his keel.
    Once capsized, he would cling
    To the ground, where he’d sing
    Bawdy songs with a seafarer’s zeal.”

  16. There was a young woman, Lucille
    who running, injured her heel
    she said “what a shame
    I’m now nearly lame
    and can no longer wear my high heels”

  17. There once was a young injured teal
    who had lost in a fight with an eel
    “it takes time”, said the vet
    “he won’t fly again yet
    and he sure needs more time to heal”

  18. Patrice Stewart says:

    Falling A’Foul of A Fowl

    He looked up and saw it: My word,
    An enormous and evil-eyed bird
    Zooming by overhead
    Wheeled and turned. No! He fled
    Too late. SPLAT! went its gigantic turd.

    ‘Cross the street, neighbor ladies conferred:
    The direct hit, then curses, were heard
    Up to three blocks away.
    They might be forced to say
    His appearance had suffered…(concurred.)

  19. Tim James says:

    “Look up there, in the sky! Oh my word!
    It’s a bird! It’s a plane!” he averred.
    “No, wait! By its shape
    And the long, flowing cape,
    It’s Super— oh gross. It’s a bird.”

  20. Terry Marter says:

    When it shelters from rain, does a fly
    (when it lands on a ceiling nearby)
    Do a half roll to land,
    Or a half loop, then stand
    Upside down on the spot to drip dry?

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    “Let us speak of a female, round-heeled,
    Who insisted on playing the field.
    Every neighbourhood rake
    Came around, on the make –
    As her multi-hued kittens revealed.

  22. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, please delete previous. at 20th. 8.16am. (i don’t like the 2 Whens & 2 Lands).

    When it shelters from rain, does a fly
    (while approaching a ceiling nearby)
    Do a half roll to land,
    Or a half loop, then stand
    Upside down on the spot to drip dry?

  23. Terry Marter says:

    Three engines have failed, – it’s all right,
    Our arrival’s delayed so sit tight.
    There’s a long way to fly, –
    If the fourth one should die
    I could mean we’ll be up here all night.

  24. Terry Marter says:

    Sorry Mad, I’ve done it again. Please replace March 20 2.35am with this version. (L2 & L5 don’t rhyme). Thanks.

    “I’ve perfected” he said “wing-less flight.
    Foes cower in awe of my might.
    I’ve a colourful cape
    It’s a really cool drape
    My name’s Clark”, – and the World said “Yeah, – Right!”

  25. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    My young doc spouted med terms with zeal;
    He used words like contuse and congeal.
    I said, “Icky” and “Ew”
    (Only jargon I knew),
    Till he finally said, “It’ll heal.”

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hey Rover, they’ll keep saying, “Heel”
    As a poodle, I’m smart, (but don’t squeal)
    They’ll give you a treat
    Till you master that feat.
    Play “dumb”, it’s a real tasty deal.

  27. Don Lee says:

    Putin you are like a shoe heel
    need to be stepped on til you squeal
    your war on Ukraine
    is proof you’re insane
    your crimes to that body won’t heal

  28. Don Lee says:

    Bombs continue with no-fly zones
    must take other ways to leave home
    so fast as you can
    call the caravan
    leave the junkyard dog with dead bones

  29. Don Lee says:

    if you want Spring to heal
    Winter’s woes, please get real
    it’s not in your wishful head
    you must first get out of bed
    plant something first your heel

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Pre-Board” “Huh?”

    I got on the plane to “pre board”
    My luggage was carefully stored.
    Then I boarded once more.
    Like I did just before.
    Got back in and it finally soared.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Though the flies sensed a poopy surprise.
    They remembered they had to be wise
    Couldn’t stay there today.
    Cuz the boss said, “No Way”
    (A decree from the Lord of the Flies”)

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Connoisseur”

    How could anyone take such delight
    In a movie that’s mostly ’bout flight?
    I wanna’ hear WORDS!
    “Wings” is truly for nerds.
    Only airheads enjoy black and white.

  33. Bob Turvey says:

    My dog is so smart it’s unreal.
    He knows every word in my spiel.
    Whatever I say
    He tries to obey.
    When I say HEEL he’ll bite his own heel.

  34. Rudy Landesman says:

    True story.

    In Cuba for months we did stay,
    And then one adventurous day,
    I was twelve and was flown
    From Havana alone
    On PanAm to Miami one way.

    (Inane immigration laws. Mother was permitted to enter the U.S., but I was not. I followed three days later.)

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Oh Snoopy, I have to reveal
    Exactly the way that I feel.
    When they say, “Rover, Sit”
    It’s always a hit.
    But the one thing I can’t stand is “Heel”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    Canine Condo

    Dear Landlord, I have to reveal
    Exactly the way that I feel:
    I sit, stay, and I’m trained.
    I’m exhausted and drained.
    I’ve had it! I don’t want to heel.

  37. Roger Haugen says:

    She walked, this lovely young sprite,
    When a mugger came out of the night,
    And Wham! Just like that
    She laid him out flat–
    He didn’t how well she could fight.

  38. Roger Haugen says:

    His eyes were tender and bright
    All through their nuptual rite;
    He gave her a kiss,
    Then promised her this:
    “For you, dear, my troth I do plight.”

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    50 years ago and still not better

    “Zap” treatments could not even heal
    The mem’ry of hurting Camille.
    I said, “Let’s play doctor”
    Then straight away shocked ‘er
    With the gherkin I longed to reveal.

  40. Terry Marter says:

    In the belfry he’s checking the wheel
    When the bell ringers start up a peal
    He appeals to his peers
    But it falls on deaf ears
    Now HE’s deaf, with ears that won’t heal.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    This fixation I strive to conceal
    Has been a distressing ordeal.
    I’m turned on by feet.
    I try being discreet.
    It started with one teensy heal.

  42. Bob Turvey says:

    In Troy they are fighting for real;
    Arrows flying and swords flashing steel.
    I gave some black lilies
    To Mrs. Achilles –
    Her husband’s been shot in the heel.

  43. For Saint Patrick’s we all made a deal
    to have a authentic Irish meal.
    Now my bowels have baggage,
    clogged with corned beef and cabbage.
    It might be next March till I heal!

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    As Betty Blue Bird was ascending,
    I happened to notice her sending
    A letter to Trump
    Which said, “Dear Trump Lump,
    I was tweeting before it was trending.”

  45. Terry Marter says:

    Those birds on the isle of Mauritius
    Have vanished (through actions pernicious?)
    It doesn’t seem right
    That as well as no flight,
    Hapless Dodos were rather delicious.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correcting Rhyming Error From 10:23 AM

    As Betty Blue Bird was ascending,
    She chirped, “I’m no longer pretending
    To be someone who steals.
    I have steadfast ideals.
    I tweeted before it was trending.”

  47. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Bob,

    Achilles, my friend, had no wife.
    Patroclus, the love of his life,
    Shared his lover’s ordeal;
    When his wound would not heal.
    ‘Twas incurred in the Trojan War’s strife.

  48. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Sumerians invented the wheel.
    Achilles is known for his heel.
    Want some fame of your own?
    And forever be known?
    Write a lim’rick. It’s not a big deal.

  49. Dane Paulsen says:

    His shoe designs lacked broad appeal.
    Were pushed by his passion and zeal.
    His toes seemed diminished,
    With backs high and finished.
    He said you can all go to heel.

  50. Roger Haugen says:

    He diddled his loved-one with zeal,
    Then asked her, “Now, how do you feel?”
    Her contented reply
    Was not a soft sigh,
    But rather, an ear-piercing squeal.

  51. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “I’m a fortunate man!” Cried Schlemiel
    (As the rest of this tale will reveal).
    He, glad that God picked him,
    To be the true victim,
    Jumped for joy and broke only one heel.

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    Their mile-high club prospects would fade
    With cabin lights often displayed
    All during the flight.
    Describing their plight,
    To sum it up: they were de-laid.

  53. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Sjaan,

    Cute limerick, but…..

    What is the difference between a Schlemiel and a Schlimazel?.
    — Both are Yiddish words. A schlemiel is awkward, incompetent, and foolish. A schlimazel is just consistently unlucky or accident prone.

    And so, a Schlemiel is not a victim.
    Sorry

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    Heal and Flying

    Don’t make love with a bird, here’s the deal:
    Soon after, real itchy you’ll feel.
    Cuz Chirpes, you’ll get.
    It will make you upset.
    In your lifetime, it never will heal.

  55. Dane Paulsen says:

    A healthy food is the tomato.
    Tomah-to (ketchup, catsup), I know,
    Is it fruit you don’t peel?
    A veggie to heal?
    It’s way to divisive to grow.

  56. Linda Fuller says:

    When Mercury rises in flight
    He’s not searching for villains to smite
    With a wing on each heel
    He brings under seal
    A message from goddess to knight

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    I write lim’riks ’bout birds in my bed.
    Then I read them to dear “hubby” Fred.
    But Fred doesn’t get’um
    They even upset’um
    I guess they fly over his head.

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    It looks like there is a grammatical error above in line one:
    a dangling modifier? Try again

    I write “bird lim’riks” each night in bed.
    Then I read them to dear hubby, Fred.
    But Fred doesn’t get’um.
    They even upset’um.
    I guess they fly over his head.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was truly a difficult feat,
    But I finally managed to meet
    The guy who was high
    When he named a fly “fly”
    Seems he just had returned from “The Eat.”

  60. David Friedman says:

    Jesus’s pet dog Shlemiel
    Could fetch, sit, roll over and kneel
    But the best trick of all
    (Per the gospel of Paul)
    Was when the mutt started to heal.

  61. Terry Marter says:

    (Pollies, is a common Australian term for Politicians)

    Our balloon won’t be up and away
    Celebrating elections today
    My apprentice; a learner,
    Forgot the damn burner.
    So grounded with pollies we’ll stay.

    But we’re not at the end of our tether
    At least we have fav’rable weather
    Don’t despair; we’ll get there,
    I’ll create some hot air
    By tying six pollies together.

  62. Dane Paulsen says:

    In spring they sang and flew above.
    One a finch, the other a dove.
    Who were these birds,
    Who croon no words?
    They were just tweethearts in love.

  63. Dane Paulsen says:

    Dual engine planes, I’m not one to bash.
    If one fails, you can make a dash.
    So, tell the tower.
    You have enough power.
    To soon reach the scene of your crash.

  64. Dane Paulsen says:

    A sailfish feeling quite light.
    Jumped out of the water, took flight.
    With wind in his sail
    (He was in a gale).
    So very soon flew out of sight.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s so nice to meet you, Lucille.
    I’m your psychical healer, “Real Deal.”
    I have to be blunt:
    I need big bucks up front.
    And then your chapped lips I shall heal.

  66. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Rudy. Thanks for the critique of my “Schlemiel” rhyme.
    I had hoped that the Poetic License Bureau would be open
    this week. For what it’s worth, I think (perhaps wrongly) of
    Schlemiel and Schlimazel as a kind of wonderfully comedic
    version of the Yin and Yang pairing. Bound together by like
    fortunes, one is passive and the other is active. So, in my
    mind, in the case of S and S, both are victims of misfortune.

    (I wouldn’t write all stuff except for the fact that I was a big fan of
    Laverne and Shirley, and that accounts for a lot). :)

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Internet Instructions From Your Friendly Burglar

    Remember to type in your name.
    It’s crucial you then must proclaim
    Your address, time of flight.
    It’s such a delight
    To achieve world-wide media fame.

  68. Dane Paulsen says:

    He woke up and made an appeal.
    Said “Doc, can you now please get real”?
    The cast he did beg.
    “Is on the wrong leg.
    Do you really expect me to heal”?

  69. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    At the wine bar I asked for a flight,
    To compare heavy-bodied to light.
    I sampled and tasted,
    But never got wasted.
    I could only get high as a kite.

  70. Rudy Landesman says:

    I danced and I danced the whole night.
    I’d hoped that my heart would take flight.
    But it crashed in defeat,
    Since I have two left feet.
    And Lerner and Loewe I can’t fight.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction: from 3/21 9:32PM (The punch line ruined it)

    It was truly a difficult feat,
    But I finally managed to meet
    The guy who was high,
    Who named a fly “fly”
    And had just named a restaurant, “Eat.”

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    Wing Walking: A person who moves about on TOP of the plane while it is still moving. There are still a few wing walkers in the U.S.(true)
    “Wing Walking”

    This lim’rik is not mumbo jumbo.
    (It even bewildered Colombo)
    While a plane is still flying,
    Wing Walkers are trying
    To find that sweet fun-loving Dumbo.

  73. Dane Paulsen says:

    New golf clubs and cart was the goal.
    Add golf shoes and I’m on a roll.
    With equipment now right.
    My ball will take flight,
    And soon I will be in the hole.

  74. Bob Turvey says:

    When Jews took flight out of Egypt,
    God said, “Leave the bread!” Then He quipped,
    “I will help you, of course,
    And Pharaoh’s great force,
    Will into the Red Sea be dipped”.

  75. Dane Paulsen says:

    A dinosaur, I have been soured.
    The future will have me devoured.
    This (time) will not heal.
    I remember (surreal),
    When electric ells were gas powered.

  76. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve a friend who likes putting on airs.
    He exaggerates, too; no one cares.
    When he called me last night
    With “I’m booking a flight!”
    I was sure he was walking up stairs.

  77. The next time you fly on a plane,
    Prepare – you may have to restrain
    Some rude jerk in a rage
    Who belongs in a cage.
    (And maybe, next time, take the train.)

  78. Horrid Hank’s a contemptible heel,
    Unlike Shane, who’s a hapless Shlemiel.
    So when Hank, as a prank,
    On a lark, robs a bank,
    He gets Shane to take blame for the steal.

  79. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Short commands to her “pit” keep things real,
    When that bell on her porch starts to peal.
    For the cops, she says, “Sit” —
    For the repo man, “Shit!”
    When her ex comes around she yells, “Heel!”

  80. Terry Marter says:

    Texting lim’rick ideas in the mall
    she walked into a solid brick wall.
    The result of her zeal?
    Hit the deck, – broke a heel.
    She’d been Googling “pride comes ‘fore a fall”

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Airline Hostess, “Shut Up”

    When up in the air we both went,
    We were not for one minute content.
    Who the hell wants to hear
    These words that cause fear:
    “And in the unlikely event!”

  82. Roger Haugen says:

    The horny old doc copped a feel,
    When checking her out, head to heel;
    He thought it a hoot,
    ‘Til she gave him the boot,
    And now he can’t stand, only kneel.

  83. David Friedman says:

    On a flight to the south, I once sighted
    A bird in a seat quite delighted.
    He said, “I could fly
    With my own wings but I”
    Prefer the rewards from United.”

  84. Roger Haugen says:

    He’s a big political wheel,
    Who can swing any lucrative deal;
    “Ain’t no secret, Honey,
    ‘It only takes money–
    ‘Some beg and some borrow, I steal.”

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    I flew over the rainbow, (real high.)
    The myth is a harrowing lie.
    Mama said, “You’ll find gold,
    A sight to behold.”
    All I found was a big pot of chai.

  86. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Mad,
    What does that mean
    Your comment is awaiting moderation?

    Astronomers all bet their arse,
    That man flew to Earth from the stars.
    A microbe from Venus
    Was lacking a penis.
    That proved that all men came from Mars.

    *************
    From Mad:

    In this case, it means that my spam blocker found your “penis” suspicious.

  87. Terry Marter says:

    Her fetish, to gain sex appeal:
    Body parts made of metal (for real!).
    Compared to the price
    of gold nipples (though nice),
    ‘twas a steal for the shiny steel heel.

  88. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ev’ry elephant knows flying’s chancy —
    Just the thought of it made Dumbo antsy.
    He’d been earmarked at birth,
    To be most down-to-earth,
    Therefore, flight wasn’t something he’d fancy.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    “We’re flying, flying flying”

    The fairy had dust she could sprinkle.
    But her journey had one teensy wrinkle.
    While Peter flew high,
    Way up in the sky,
    Miss Tinkerbell stopped for a tinkle.

  90. Roger Haugen says:

    He’s a big political wheel,
    Who can swing any lucrative deal;
    “Ain’t no secret, Honey,
    ‘It’s all about money–
    ‘Some beg and some borrow, I steal.”

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    The thieves with great keenness and zeal
    Were very determined to steal
    Cinderella’s glass shoes,
    Till Punk told Toulouse
    “Goddammit! There’s only one heel.”

  92. Dave Johnson says:

    Beyond their initial appeal,
    It flamed out with Jason and Neil.
    And sadly she said
    “It’s my life’s loaf of bread;
    I always end up with the heel.”

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    He said, “Darling, first I shall rise.
    You’ll delight in my very huge size.”
    I recall that I reckoned
    This affair took one second.
    It’s amazing how quickly time flies.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR

    He said, “Darling, first I shall rise.
    You’ll delight in my very huge size.”
    Then I instantly blinked.
    He was smoking, (then winked.)
    It’s amazing how quickly time flies.

  95. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    My dog didn’t see the appeal
    Of trying to learn how to heel.
    But soon he got over
    His fears and now Rover
    Shows off his stilettos with zeal.

  96. Steve Dufour says:

    The persecuted witch, she feels
    When kicked by many rude heels.
    But she had her say
    When she told them one day
    That she’s turning them all into seals.

  97. Dane Paulsen says:

    Young flying squirl thought – a slam-dunk.
    That he could fly none could debunk.
    But try as he might.
    He couldn’t take flight.
    But would glide from a limb to a trunk.

  98. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    An erudite finch from the Netherlands
    Read Darwin and said “come together, friends.
    Although it sounds shocking
    Our flapping and flocking
    Is done not with wings but with feather-hands.”

  99. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    A pilot who finished too soon
    His flight school, jumped in the balloon
    And yelled “I can fly ye
    Just north of Hawaii-
    We’ll arrive in 5 years, around noon.”

  100. Patrice Stewart says:

    Her smartphone was hurled ‘cross the room
    When she lost her connection with Zoom;
    Landed: crack! “Cells” can’t fly
    But control herself, why?
    Dad will buy her a new one! (Ba-boom.)

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Newspaper Ad” (Senior Apartments)

    “Last Sunset’s” a very good deal.
    Like a dream, it is almost surreal
    It’s a sure guarantee
    That you never will see
    Any tenant trip over a heel.”

  102. Dane Paulsen says:

    The gooney birds flight has appeal.
    Shows grace, gliding high, is surreal.
    When the time comes to land.
    He isn’t so grand.
    Falls head over claws (has no heel).

  103. Steve Dufour says:

    Your muscles are tempered like steel.
    Pro wrestlers, this is the deal:
    Give it a go,
    It’s all a show,
    And the money’s on being a heel.

  104. Tony Holmes says:

    When the Bishop’s boys planned their first flight,
    Orv’ suggested they do it at night.
    Wilbur pondered, then sighed.
    “Sorry, motion denied.
    Don’t you see, bro’? It wouldn’t be wright.”

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    Addendum to Bob’s March 21 07:54am and Rudy’s of the same date 11:57am.

    “Homer says A and P were great mates,
    But that B was A’s wife clearly states
    Before three come to heal
    And to broker a deal,
    Thus igniting those heated debates.”

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    I know it’s not brilliant – Rudy’s penis didn’t give me a lot to work with – but I had to make the attempt. Too delicious an opportunity.

    “Is your penis suspicious? Beware!
    Mad’s alert to your presence. Take care!
    She’ll be hot on your heel,
    She must probe to reveal,
    And has watchmen in place to ensnare.”

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    I heard that this info is true.
    It sounds strange, so I must think it through.
    People say, “When pigs fly.”
    Yet, I’m wondering why
    Zoologists say that swine flu.

  108. Dane Paulsen says:

    She yelled an enthralled “watch this maw”.
    On a teeter-totter with her paw.
    She fell with a squeal.
    Proclaimed “I will heal”.
    I told her “I see, and I saw”.

  109. Roger Haugen says:

    Thought the whale, who spotted a seal,
    “This looks like a really great meal!”
    The seal, with a flip,
    Gave the whale the slip,
    Who had to make do with an eel.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Shayna, I’ll make sure you’ll heal.
    It’s chicken soup ev-er-ry meal.
    Then lots tea with honey.
    So your noz won’t be runny.
    And tomorrow: the very same spiel.”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    I put “hear” in line 5, instead of “the very”

    “My Shayna, I’ll make sure you’ll heal.
    By chicken soup ev-er-y meal.
    Then lots tea with honey,
    So your noz won’t be runny.
    And tomorrow, you’ll hear the same spiel.”

  112. Terry Marter says:

    Pirate Peg-leg was drunk at the wheel;
    Lost his ship, crashed his automobile.
    But his hopes are not drowned
    Cuz he still gets a-round:
    Takes his peg for a spin on its heel.

  113. Rudy Landesman says:

    Refutation of the Holmesian view of Greek history.

    Revisionists never are right,
    When historical facts are in flight.
    Achilles is smeared;
    And Briseis*, his beard,
    Is maligned with a slanderous slight.

    *bri-Say-is

  114. Rudy Landesman says:

    Mr. Holmes, you’re mistaken, I fear.
    Your concern urological’s queer.
    You claimed there was not,
    To work with, a lot;
    But there’s more than a handful, my dear.

  115. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Mad,
    The above limerick does not qualify. (Sorry) But I think I needed to write it.
    Rudy

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    “One should never belittle one’s friends.
    As the practice too often offends.
    Slighted manhood won’t heal –
    It is too big a deal –
    So you’ve small hopes of making amends.”

  117. Tony Holmes says:

    “When your manhood is under attack,
    And your pride is at stake, you hit back.
    This is no time for flight,
    You’ve no option but fight,
    Or your shame may loom large – in the sack.”

  118. Tony Holmes says:

    “In society, farting is rude,
    As is frolicking, dressed in the nude.
    Is society right
    To inhibit the flight
    Of your fancy, and label you crude?”

  119. Terry Marter says:

    Three nervous dudes board their first flight,
    I observe them, – an int’resting sight.
    One; reluctant, seems fit.
    Dude three Feels like shit, –
    Number Two really looks like he might!

  120. Dane Paulsen says:

    I read an article quite rude.
    I found that the subject was lewd.
    Chicken sexing (get real).
    Egad, what a heal.
    It so put me in a foul mood.

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the bathroom, although it’s insane.
    There’s a “used razor slot” in a plane.
    And when the ride’s choppy,
    Those who shave there look sloppy.
    And return with a sharp sanguine pain.

    (Can’t they wait for the touch-down in Spain?) :)

  122. Linda Fuller says:

    Jill’s husband had lost his appeal
    When he started to gamble and steal
    Jack, barely five seven
    Jill, five foot eleven
    Began to look down at the heel

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    “It is moments like these that reveal
    How the friend of your bosom might feel.
    Does he value and rate?
    Are you truly his mate,
    Or detritus that stuck to his heel?”

  124. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    That I’m snippy, I’m loathe to reveal;
    It’s a trait that holds little appeal.
    Intending no malice,
    I act in ways callous,
    Or else crusty — then feel like a heel.

  125. Terry Marter says:

    I’ve designed a new app gals, (don’t Groan)
    It’s a Taser add-on for your phone.
    You can give some low heel
    That electric thrill feel:
    Fifty thousand Volts down to the bone.

    (A small tap on the app
    Gives an almighty zap)

  126. Terry Marter says:

    In her fanciful flight, to sing higher,
    The sound she emits is quite dire.
    She’s no Dianna Ross,
    But is loved by her boss,
    Cuz she’s got the best tits in his choir!

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was dusting, then suddenly…

    With great speed, he FLEW into my house.
    And asked, “Will you be my sweet spouse?”
    I replied, “Yes of course!
    We shall never divorce!”
    In June I’ll be Ms. Mighty Mouse.”

  128. Terry Marter says:

    Off a cliff in his brand new hang-glider,
    With his distance from Earth getting wider,
    He dreams (flight of fancy)
    That he’s up there with Nancy
    Who, AT one mile high, lets him ride ‘er.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    The last time I flew, I was think’in
    “Oh hell, what’s that noise I hear plink’in?”
    When we started to climb,
    I knew now is the time
    To catch up on all of my drink’in.”

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    Always Fly First Class

    In first class, close your eyes, make a a wish.
    And voila! There’s a fine gourmet dish.
    But when you’re in coach,
    You feel dreadful reproach
    With that stiff frozen head of a fish.

  131. Dane Paulsen says:

    Does a stiletto lose its appeal?
    By cutting one inch of its heel?
    Says a shoe connoisseur.
    “Heel yes”, I am sure.
    A loafer like me says “get real”.

  132. Phil Bowen says:

    Miss Edna St Vincent Millay
    Was a poet who often made hay –
    In earlier Bohemia,
    Nothing more dreamier
    Than writing a sonnet each day!

  133. Phil Bowen says:

    Miss Edna St Vincent Millay
    Decided she must get away:
    ‘I hate Greenwich Village –
    They abuse me – they pillage!
    Ferry ferry me to Merryland Bay!’

  134. Tim James says:

    A limerick summary of the movie Psycho.

    A woman stole cash and took flight;
    Then she got a motel room that night.
    In the bath she got iced
    (That’s to say, sliced and diced)
    By a fellow whose head wasn’t right.

  135. Rudy Landesman says:

    A glutton for gluten he’d been.
    The way he ate cake was a sin.
    Lots of pasta and bread,
    And now he is dead.
    A small flight of beer did him in.

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Young and Scatterbrained Was I

    When I’d lose something, Mama would say,
    “Has your mind, once again, gone astray?
    “Now Lisi, my dear,
    It has to be here
    Do you think that it just flew away?”

  137. Terry Marter says:

    If you need a good fast-flying elephant,
    the size of its ears is irrelephant.
    Whether Afro or Indi’
    Weather calm, or quite windy
    It’s the COLOUR that’s key, – choose the yellaphant.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    I bet that those toe dancers feel
    Lots of pain, which they strive to conceal.
    For their nearing ballet,
    They should rotate this way:
    Toe, heel, toe, heel, toe heel, toe, heel.

  139. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve got bats in my belfry, but really,
    They’re no bother. (They’re not touch-feely).
    Because they eat Keto,
    And dine on mosquito,
    I permit them to fly about freely.

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mezza Mezza: It Takes Time

    I don’t know how I thoroughly feel,
    Though he does have that “certain appeal”.
    I swing and I sway,
    So right now I can say,
    “I’m head over only one heel.”

  141. Rudy Landesman says:

    Please fly me to Ariel, the moon.
    Up there we will snuggle and spoon.
    And I’ll look at Uranus,
    A sight not too heinous.
    What a heavenly place to maroon!

  142. Dane Paulsen says:

    A cowboy boot has a raised heel.
    Does more than enhance their appeal.
    It raised boys to men.
    As they did ascend.
    Since cattlemen’s egos did heal.

  143. Terry Marter says:

    Hmmm. I think this might work better than the previous version at 28th, 6.08pm. (Swapped L2 & L5).

    If you need a good fast-flying elephant,
    It’s its Colour that’s key, – choose the yellaphant.
    Whether Afro or Indi’
    Weather calm, or quite windy
    The size of its ears is irrelephant.

  144. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Space cadets from the planet called Mirth —
    All superior pilots since birth —
    Couldn’t help but fly low,
    And yell out, “UFO!”
    Just to prove they could get down to earth.

  145. Terry Marter says:

    His wife, on safari with zeal,
    Had a jungle encounter ordeal
    Where an alpha gorilla
    Proceeded to fill ‘er.
    She’s too shocked to remember , – But He’ll.

  146. Dane Paulsen says:

    We hear in the news that it’s fact.
    People viewed “Flying Saucers” they’ve tracked.
    Some doubt what they claim.
    Others proudly exclaim.
    It’s the Saucer family’s trapeze act.

  147. Dane Paulsen says:

    She yelled LOOK, a cuddly Koala bear, AL.
    Flying on vine through the forest, shall
    Tell bear facts, it’s time.
    Bear with me as I’m,
    Not a bear, I’m a marsupial.

  148. Relief, it’s our final approach.
    There’s a problem required to broach.
    My seatmate’s perspired,
    On me, then expired.
    Look what happens when flying in coach!

  149. With glasses, he’s simply Clark Kent.
    A mild-mannered, awkward young gent.
    But for journalist Lane,
    He’s the Superman plane.
    For new stories where Lois is sent.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    John’s so thick, that he has no appeal.
    Also callus, no love does he feel.
    I have no more use
    For his blis’tring abuse.
    I guess you could call him a heel.

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR

    John’s so thick, that he has no appeal.
    Also callus, no love does he feel.
    He makes real hurtful cracks,
    Launches blis’tring attacks.
    I guess you cold call him a heel.

  152. Linda Fuller says:

    So happy I found Milky Chance
    These guys make my rusty heart dance
    My ticker takes flight
    And this is my plight:
    An old broad/young hotties romance

  153. Tim James says:

    His efforts to bed fierce Lucille
    Came to naught ‘cause he’d been too genteel.
    So he tried “Let’s drop trou
    And get busy right now!”
    It took him a long time to heal.

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bartender Please…..

    “Hey John, I’ll have Rittenhouse Rye.
    Couple sips of some Sipsmith, real dry.
    Top it off with some Strane.
    I’ll be takin’ a plane.
    Gonna glide, slip away, while I fly.”

  155. Rudy Landesman says:

    He thought he was such a big wheel
    When he authored “The Art of the Deal”.
    He’s now living down south
    With his foot in his mouth,
    And that’s been his Achilles heel.

  156. James Mac Hale says:

    Last Halloween trick-or-treat night
    Darren’s costume’s the scariest sight.
    His Japanese friend
    Was startled no end
    He said “Dallen, you give me a flight!”

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    Same Theme But Different Limerick: Bartender, Please……

    “Hey John, I’d like one glass of rye.
    In fact, make it 3, won’drin why?
    I’ll be takin’ a plane
    Won’t be feelin’ no pain.
    I’ll be flying the same time I fly.”

  158. James Mac Hale says:

    Kenny Rogers’s boots look so real
    To all cowboys, with toecaps of steel.
    But they broke when he kicked
    An old rock. Sing! “You picked
    A fine time to leave me, loose heel!”

  159. Lisi Nortman says:

    My inflatable doll, Susie Q
    Felt so comf’table when I was through.
    Then the bed bug that night.
    Gave her such a big bite,
    That up to the ceiling she flew.

  160. Dane Paulsen says:

    Felt the urge did the young skateboarder.
    Removed Porta-Potty sign (out-of-order).
    Now she must heal.
    P.T.S.D. (for real).
    Has Portable Toilet Stress Disorder.

  161. Steve Frakt says:

    A pilot who loved to fly
    Also baked a great apple pie
    So when he said
    Passengers would be fed
    All he offered was pie in the sky

  162. Mark Totterdell says:

    ‘Time heals every wound’? That’s unreal!
    Quite the opposite’s more how I feel.
    As I limp down life’s highways
    And hobble down byways,
    It’s more like ‘time wounds every heel’.

  163. Mark Totterdell says:

    The ostrich can’t fly. It’s a pain,
    But his efforts are always in vain.
    And the true reason why
    He’s unable to fly?
    They won’t let him get on the plane.

  164. madkane says:

    Unlike most of the posts I’ve seen today, this one is true:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  165. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    You’ve been bumping your toe with such zeal,”
    Said my Doc, “You’ve developed a weal.
    Learn when objects loom near
    To back up till you’re clear.”
    “Just like this?” I asked, stubbing my heel.

  166. James Mac Hale says:

    There was a young man so polite
    On a crowded economy flight
    He perfected the art
    Of containing his fart.
    People say he’s a little uptight.

  167. Fred Bortz says:

    He thinks if he buys her a meal
    She’ll consent to his copping a feel.
    But it doesn’t take long
    To discover he’s wrong.
    She clobbers him with her high heel.

  168. Fred Bortz says:

    There was an inventor named Knight
    Who studied the science of flight.
    He thought he’d be first,
    But his efforts were cursed.
    His designs never turned out quite Wright.

  169. James Mac Hale says:

    Continuing on from the last verse…..

    Eight hours later and gradually weaker
    The outlook is bleaker and bleaker
    So much pain did he feel
    He decided that he’ll
    Just lean forward and let out a squeaker

  170. James Mac Hale says:

    Better to keep them together….

    There was a young man so polite
    On a crowded economy flight
    He perfected the art
    Of containing his fart.
    People say he’s a little uptight.

    Eight hours later and gradually weaker
    The outlook is bleaker and bleaker
    So much pain did he feel
    He decided that he’ll
    Just lean forward and let out a squeaker

  171. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    April 1st! Day to jog in the buff!
    (Well, the jogging part may be a bluff).
    Time to hang from one heel
    Off an old Ferris wheel!
    (As if lim’ricks aren’t tricky enough).

  172. Byron Miller says:

    Not one other man had my zeal!
    So why didn’t I serve? Here’s the deal:
    I was forced to defer
    With a painful bone spur–
    That should bring all you critics to heel.

  173. Byron Miller says:

    Though that boy toy at Troy had appeal,
    Knocking him to his knees? No big deal.
    He was easy to rankle
    Once pierced through the ankle,
    Thus bringing Achilles to heel.

  174. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t Ridicule Old-Fashioned Cures

    Time was, it was not an ordeal
    All the “old folks” sure knew how to heal.
    Any wound, apply honey,
    Voila! you’d feel sunny.
    This remedy had great appeal.

    Now let’s say you suffered from gout,
    Eating cherries, would work, without doubt.
    For eye bags to heal,
    Cool tea was ideal.
    Why go under the knife (scream and shout?)

    If bitten by one hostile bug,
    Who’s hiding real snug in your rug,
    You’d use “pasty oatmeal”
    Then your boo boo would heal.
    And you wouldn’t buy one pricy drug.

    There’s one more tested cure that can heal
    Any ache, any pain, you might feel.
    It is called chicken soup.
    So stay in the loop.
    Cuz THAT is the “crowning real deal”

  175. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: This one is better written. I didn’t realize I “submitted” the previous one, before checking it over. Thus,

    Don’t Ridicule Old-Fashioned Cures

    Time was, it was not an ordeal,
    When the “old folks” all knew they could heal
    Any wound? Apply honey.
    At once, you’d feel sunny.
    This cure had tremendous appeal.

    Now let’s say you suffered from gout.
    Eating cherries would work, without doubt.
    For eye bags to heal,
    Cool tea was ideal.
    Why go under the knife, (scream and shout?)

    If bitten by one hostile bug,
    Who was hiding real snug in your rug,
    For your boo boo to heal,
    You’d smear “pasty” oatmeal,
    Which surpassed any real pricy drug.

    There’s one more tested cure that will heal
    Any ache, any pain, you might feel:
    You must stay in the loop.
    It is called chicken soup.
    Also known as “The Crowning Real Deal”

  176. Terry Marter says:

    If you’ve one leg, and hunt, danger’s real.
    Here’s a safety idea with appeal:
    To avoid your own end
    Take a very slow friend
    For when wild bears are hot on your heel.

  177. Patrice Stewart says:

    Take Me to the Pilot

    After-dinner tales told, death-defying
    Stunts decades ago: Louie’s flying
    Enthralled guests ’til Ann said,
    Drink up, dear, time for bed…
    (Praise his exploits, just know that he’s lying.)

    He retorted in great indignation
    And more than a touch of frustration,
    Those times did exist!
    As co-pilot, enlist-
    Ed, one seat from control and elation!
    (Ann’s eyeroll claimed exaggeration, while Louie’s sought guests’ validation.)

  178. Tony Holmes says:

    “At the thought of Ms Beverley Knight,
    Can’t deny that my fancy takes flight.
    In my fantasies she
    Always comes on to me.
    In the real world, she screams at the sight.”

  179. Terry Marter says:

    As my time here just flies out the door;
    I prefer older songs, that’s for sure.
    Now they’re soul-less and barren
    (Unlike those sung by Karen)
    I play Yesterday Once More, more and more.

  180. Terry Marter says:

    (Southern Hemisphere version):

    No matter you’re chirpy or surlier,
    Or whether you’re burly or girlier.
    Tempers flying and raving
    About Daylight Saving
    All it means is, it Now gets late earlier.

  181. Lisi Nortman says:

    I dated a good-looking guy.
    We embraced, and he fondled my thigh.
    His seductive suggestion
    Then pressed my to question,
    “Did something fly out of your fly?”

  182. Tim James says:

    He’s a “hanging judge,” many folks feel,
    And a bit of a punitive heel.
    He’ll convict in a blink
    And you’ll land in the clink.
    It’s summed up in his name: Noah Peale.

  183. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    Shrieked the copilot “Left! Hurry! Swing it!
    There’s a building and we’re gonna ding it!
    Don’t you know how to fly!?”
    Quipped the pilot “I’ll try,
    But don’t worry, I know how to wing it.”

  184. Byron Miller says:

    We know freshly-baked bread’s a big deal;
    It gets tackled in my house, with zeal.
    My own crusty advice is
    To grab the best slices–
    Don’t loaf, and get stuck with the heel.

  185. Rudy Landesman says:

    From history nobody learns.
    More war and destruction returns.
    It’s all in plain sight.
    Ukrainians in flight.
    And we fiddle as Mariupol burns.

  186. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 492. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Nose.