Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DOCK or DOC at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 30, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DOCK or DOC at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LIMBS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LIMB-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 31, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 30, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DOCK or DOC-rhyme limerick:

Laryngitis was getting his goat,
So he went to a doctor of note.
“I’ve a hunch,” said the doc,
“That you talk round the clock.”
Said his patient, “Don’t jump down my throat.”

And here’s my LIMB-themed limerick:

A man with an arm in a sling
Had recently injured his wing.
He wistfully said,
“My Frisbee arm’s dead…”
Then headed for one final fling.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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195 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DOCK or DOC at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 30, 2021)”

  1. I’m writing, and hit on a block.
    The medical doc, would just baulk.
    There’s no capsule or pill,
    That justifies bill.
    Not financing boat at his dock.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Her new doctor sure looked like a jock.
    So muscular! wow, what a shock!
    She deciphered the script.
    And thoroughly flipped.
    Then left, thinking, “He ain’t no doc”.

  3. Want physique of a friend, her name’s Meg.
    Had a body of a barrel or keg.
    But now she happily struts.
    While my workouts in ruts.
    And a trainer’s an arm and a leg.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I Get No Respect”

    Mama said, “Have “respect” , never mock
    A schlub who’s as dumb as a rock”.
    Although Vinny Bambutz
    Was truly a putz,
    He was still Rodney Dangerfield’s doc.

  5. Want figure of friend, her name’s Meg.
    Had a belly, and drank from a keg.
    Now she happily trim.
    I’m lost at the gym.
    And a trainer’s an arm and a leg.

  6. Sondra Landin says:

    Receiving a call from my doc,
    My frail body trembled with shock;
    “You’re healthy my dear,
    You’ve nothing to fear;”
    I grimaced and cried “What a crock!”

  7. Sondra Landin says:

    Impervious she was to shock,
    She welcomed a call from her doc;
    “You have nothing to fear,
    You are healthy my dear;
    But maybe it’s time to take stock!”

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    What’s Up Doc?

    “In the past, I was one real cool jock.
    But lately, I feel like a rock.
    I’m so full of strife.
    Got a frustrated wife.
    To tell you the truth, nothin’s up doc”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Limbs “Lady Liberty Speaks Out”

    “I came to New Joisey un-willin-ly.
    And yikes! It has never been thrillin’ me.
    All youse tired and poor!
    I don’t want you no more!
    Can’t take it! My arm is just killin’ me.”

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    Almost the same, but this time using “limbs” and “doc”

    “Lady Liberty Speaks Out”

    I came to New Joisey un-willin-ly
    And yikes! it has never been thrillin’ me
    Gotta get off this rock.
    Oh, please help me, doc.
    Can’t take it! My arm is just killin’ me.

  11. In the average appointment with Doc,
    She is constantly checking the clock.
    Her schedule is strained.
    I’m feeling so drained.
    Like account in the bank, what a crock.

  12. Mike Moulton says:

    There once was a top Covid doc
    Who said anti-vaxxers though eager to squawk
    Were quite incorrect in,
    Saying ivermectin,
    Was not just a right-wing crock.

  13. Mike Moulton says:

    Anti-vaxxers who risk life and limb,
    By following what’s not but a whim,
    And those Fauci haters
    On ventilators
    May live but their chances are slim.

  14. Sondra Landin says:

    Out at sea and quite far from a dock,
    The huge waves made the ship tilt and rock;
    My concert began
    According to plan,
    But I would not dare play any Bach!*

    *Pronounce Bach not quite correctly!

  15. Don Lee says:

    The only seat for the Doc
    was in the rear by the clock
    I was right on time
    but sure I’d wait in line
    listening to the tic tock

    Theme: limb

    Trees have branches
    leaves fall in bunches
    those out on the ends
    go first with the winds
    picked up last my hunch is

  16. Tony Holmes says:

    “You’re a head-shrink’?” “I am.” “It’s my cock.
    He has taken to wearing a frock.”
    “Yes, I see. Does he mince?”
    “Oh, he does! Makes me wince.”
    “My advice is, accept it and dock.”

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    Limbs

    Mary Bitchson’s exceedingly smart.
    Yet her legs are what captured my heart.
    But I’ll never get screwed,
    Cuz she’s such a damn prude
    That she pinioned them, so they won’t part.

  18. Dane Paulsen says:

    He limped off the boat at the dock.
    He acted like he was in shock.
    It’s looking grim
    He injured a limb.
    It’s time for a trip to the Doc.

  19. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Which physician, resistant to shock,
    Who’s been hewn from the toughest of stock,
    Always haggles with ease
    About raising his fees?
    That old Hickory Dicker-y Doc.

  20. Dane Paulsen says:

    A shop sold used limbs by the door.
    Some thought it would be too much gore.
    It might be a flop
    For they named the shop
    The Second Hand second hand store.

  21. Dane Paulsen says:

    Some bears steal food from some farms.
    Farmers have sounded alarms.
    Quick arms are their edge,
    They’re not a privilege.
    Bears, have the right to bear arms.

  22. Sondra Landin says:

    An imposing fine figure, my doc,
    He is thorough and caring – my rock;
    When those five words I hear –
    “Come see me next year,”
    I think “Whew, not yet time to take stock!”

  23. Dane Paulsen says:

    I had a dream, here’s how it went.
    A feline, was then soon present.
    My dream then gets dumb,
    Cat limbs, I had some.
    I had two paws for a moment.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oldies But Goodies: Bill Haley And His Comets: “Rock Around The Clock”
    Eddie Hodges: “I’m Gonna Knock On Your Door”
    (anyone out there remember?)

    Handsome Eddie would give me a knock.
    Then we’d go and just rock ’round the clock.
    But now if I tried,
    I’d slip and I’d slide.
    And the medics would dash me to “Doc”.

  25. Kirk Miller says:

    His wife frowned at the size of his cock,
    So the man had his life all amok.
    He said, still undaunted,
    “Ten inches are wanted.
    So remove seven inches, please, Doc.”

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh No! My dear “hubby’s” in shock!
    Gotta rush to the phone and call “Doc”
    The nurse said, “Okay,
    Though he’s booked for the day.
    But our hearse will be here 3 o’clock”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Way Of Putting It:

    Oh No! My dear hubby’s in shock!
    Gotta rush to the phone and call “Doc”
    “He’s booked” said the nurse,
    “But how ’bout our hearse?
    It arrives ev’ry day 3 o’clock”

  28. The limbs with their fingers and toes.
    I tallied, recording all those.
    Two elbows, two knees,
    I’m counting with ease.
    Then encountered two heads, and I froze.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’ve All Been There!

    This story won’t come as a shock:
    Your appointment today’s 3o’clock.
    You’re on time, then you wait.
    And you’d sure love to state,
    “Gee, I’m just not ready for YOU, doc.”

  30. He was lonely and bored, wanted care.
    Solitaire with his cards, made him swear.
    “Enough,” said the Doc.
    Down the aisle he walked.
    “The best solitaire is to wear.”

  31. Sue Dulley says:

    They said: If you wait on this dock
    You’ll see turtles, both real ones and mock,
    And a few minutes later
    You may see a gator,
    Or was what they told me a croc?

  32. Sue Dulley says:

    I cooked asian food in my wok
    Using two kinds of choy – pak and bok –
    And some mushrooms I found
    In the woods on the ground,
    Now I’m dying to talk to my doc.

  33. He purchased the candy and she,
    Then tied with a tag and you’ll see.
    “With your teeth I’m your Doc.
    This candy’s like caulk.
    You enjoy, as will we, guarantee”

  34. Rudy Landesman says:

    The defendant did soon leave the court
    With a laugh and a sneer and a snort.
    As he had predicted,
    He was not convicted.
    The long arm of the law was too short.

  35. Why brass hands will be stocked on a dock
    The grave answer may give you a shock
    If on ships, while on deck
    Called to arms, a crushed neck
    The green parrot knocked out needs a doc.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    to be authentic: Harms Road, (here in Illinois) is in a town called Skokie and runs through to Chicago. However I have made up the name of the grocery store for the limerick rhyme. “Limbs”

    “Have you bought any food at “Whole Farms?”
    “It’s right down the street, South of Harms.
    It’s completely germ-free.
    And wait till you see
    All the hair on the check-out girls’ arms.”

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Limbs

    Ooh, Baby, I sure love your rack.
    Love to feel them each night in the sack.
    And your legs, please don’t shave.
    All that hair I just crave.
    It’s just perfect for scratchin’ my back.

  38. Sondra Landin says:

    I would not go out on a limb,
    To put the blame squarely on him;
    They embraced on the dock,
    And he slipped on the rock;
    Then all sparkling she slipped and fell in!

  39. A man went to go see the doc,
    said depression had left him in shock.
    Doc said, “Clown Pagliacci go see!”
    Man said, “Pagliacci, that’s me!”
    Then Doc said, “Well, I guess we’re both foc’ed!”

  40. Terry Marter says:

    You stand to be judged in my dock
    For indecently flashing your cock.
    While I’m not a condoner
    Of pervs with boner
    I DO like the style of your frock.

  41. Bob Turvey says:

    There was an Old Man of th’ Abruzzi,
    Who had a young daughter named Lucy.
    One day down at the dock
    The wind blew up her frock
    And showed us what only a few see.

  42. Bob Turvey says:

    When nettle stings made me go red,
    “I’ll rub these leaves on,” said young Ed.
    “The plant’s called a dock
    And they’ll deaden the shock.”
    But he’d picked poison ivy instead …

  43. Bob Turvey says:

    “Hydrocephalus,” said an old Dane,
    “Is a head full of water and pain.
    To drain it, a doc
    Transplanted my cock.
    But now I have sex on the brain.”

  44. Bob Turvey says:

    We have a young son name of Jim.
    He said, “I’ve a large phantom limb.
    At night it comes out
    And I wave it about.”
    We worry a lot about him.

  45. Dave’s an unusual type of a Doc.
    It’s the movie-like Mafia talk.
    And could tell by his ‘scripts,
    He handed on slips.
    “Take the cannoli and walk.”

  46. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Lost my laptop, my job — I’m in hock.
    Even Hightail, my dog, took a walk.
    My canoe’s in the slough,
    And my paycheck’s gone, too.
    Now I haven’t one thing left to dock.

  47. Sue Dulley says:

    Each time that he jumps off the dock
    To swim in the lake, it’s a shock.
    The water’s so chilly
    It withers his w—y
    Or he’d say, compresses his c-ck.

  48. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said a clown to his shrink, “I’ve a block,
    And sound fuddier each time I talk.”
    Urged the psych with a poke,
    “So then let’s hear a joke.”
    “Okay!” Cried the comic, “Doc Doc…”

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    I found out that my “hubby’s” a slime.
    And committing a loyalty crime.
    Seems he strips, then gets dressed.
    All day long and so stressed.
    (Heard his puts 2 legs in at one time.)

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Above Limerick: “Cheating”

    I found out that my husband’s a slime.
    He’s committing a “loyalty crime”
    Heard he strips, then gets dressed
    All day long, and so stressed
    That he puts 2 legs in at one time.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Only Store Of Its Kind In The World”

    The Octopus, Seawater Charms
    Splashed his way to “Emporium Farms”
    He was fine’ly ashore
    At the “Multi-Limb Store”
    And bought a real chic coat of arms.

  52. Terry Marter says:

    An old Paddle-boat hand bored with steaming
    Thought he’d ‘hot-up’ the craft (with some scheming).
    It shot from the dock
    Like a jet-propelled rock,
    With both whistles and passengers screaming.

  53. Terry Marter says:

    Replaces October 18. 10am (L4)

    You stand to be judged in my dock
    For indecently flashing your cock.
    While I’m not a condoner
    Of pervs with a boner
    I DO like the style of your frock.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    What’s worse than a very small cock?
    And not for one moment a jock?
    It’s financial suspicion
    with firm repetition
    That’s put Donald Trump in the dock.

  55. rewrite

    Dave’s an unusual sort of a doc.
    It’s the movie-like Mafia talk.
    And what’s written on slips,
    when he hands out his ‘scripts.
    “Take the cannoli and walk.”

  56. rewrite mistake

    Seems David’s unusual Doc.
    It’s the movie-like Mafia talk.
    And what’s written on slips,
    When he hands out his ‘scripts.
    “Just take the cannoli and walk.”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Covid 19 (limbs)

    For the last two darn years, it’s been rough.
    We’re frightened, yet try to act tough.
    We hope it ends soon,
    And we’ll all be immune.
    “At Arm’s Length” is now not enough.

  58. Jean McEwen says:

    I need help! What’s gone wrong with me, doc?
    My cock used to get hard as a rock!
    But now, much as I rub,
    It stays soft, a lame stub–
    And the girls are beginning to talk.

  59. Jean McEwen says:

    I prefer that not all the world see
    Every limb of my family tree
    Because not too far out
    You’ll find many a lout.
    (In fact, one is my dad – first degree.)

  60. Terry Marter says:

    His pet parrot developed a lurch, –
    The result of its most recent search.
    Found a liquor most rare
    By his master’s arm-chair
    Then got legless and fell off his perch.

  61. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With my grasp of Dendrology slim
    (I took “Study of Trees” on a whim),
    I ask please don’t kvetch,
    Or declare it a stretch,
    When I label this lim’rick a lim.

  62. Terry Marter says:

    ‘ Took his bride to their bed with slow pace
    No more footloose, – but drunken embrace.
    She knew in her calmness
    he was legless but ’armless
    Then she found his third ‘leg’ in her face.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    Limbs

    Always have a real sexy girl handy.
    It will sure make you feel fine and dandy.
    Find a cute stuck-up brat.
    It’s $2 tits for a tat.
    And the bonus is tasty arm candy.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Poisonous To Dogs

    Spot’s chances were terribly slim.
    Cuz he suddenly had a sad whim.
    The toad in the tree
    Was lethal, and he
    Had surely barked up the wrong limb.

  65. She’s “Hollywood’s favorite Doc.”
    All the stars use her office, they flock.
    With snipping and sucking,
    The fat, that is fluxing.
    There’s no ageing, regardless of clock.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    “That Old Black Bag” (Ahh, yes, I remember it well)

    In the “olden days”, when you were ill,
    Of course, it still wasn’t a thrill.
    But your “family doc”
    Lived just ’round the block.
    You said, “Ahh”, then he gave mom the bill.

  67. Sid and his spouse are both Docs.
    The hospital’s close, a few blocks.
    So they walk, she has passion,
    With footwear in fashion.
    At work it is socks with her Crocs.

    2021 socks and Crocs big fad

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those hookers, I always desired.
    We’d go at it till I perspired.
    They’d wait by the dock.
    I’d be hard as a rock.
    Now the fun is gone: “Masks Are Required”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    It IS true that toads are poisonous to dogs.
    This is a correction of my limerick from today at 1:07 PM

    Our doggie, we named Mr. Jim
    One day had a very sad whim.
    He didn’t foresee
    The toad in the tree.
    Alas, Jim barked up the wrong limb.

  70. Dane Paulsen says:

    My limbs are quite fragile I get.
    Broken foot with a cast I regret.
    So fat I should cower
    But can take a shower
    Without my foot getting wet.

  71. Dane Paulsen says:

    A one legged pirate from Sim.
    Stole some ones prosthetic limb.
    He took of his peg
    Strapped on the leg,
    and walked away whistling a hymn.

  72. Dane Paulsen says:

    We all know a dolphin can swim.
    Has fins instead of a limb.
    Some just can’t handle
    That he is a mammal,
    There’s just something fishy ’bout him.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lawsuit Gone Wrong: Limbs

    Came in limping, and favored the right.
    Case was closed and the settlement tight.
    Later, favored the left,
    Claimed he’s “no longer deft”
    Back to court, cuz this jerk ain’t real bright.

  74. Rudy Landesman says:

    He died in his bed last night late
    While trying to first masturbate.
    It was a great shock.
    I was told by his doc:
    “It must have been something he ate.”

  75. Rudy Landesman says:

    His brachium, (pardon my latin),
    Had muscles that really could flatten
    With one single blow
    The most dangerous foe.
    “King Kong, come on back. Save Manhattan!”

  76. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Mayflower once tried to dock
    In Provincetown, surely ad hoc.
    But in Plymouth they found
    More promising ground.
    But how did they dock on that rock?

  77. Dane Paulsen says:

    There was an old man we call Doc
    Who liked to give people a shock.
    He took off his clothes
    For reasons he knows,
    And said don’t stand there and gawk.

  78. KIRK MILLER says:

    The Venus de Milo is charming,
    But some think it’s rather alarming.
    Beneath shoulders she lacks
    Any limbs, so attacks
    Are made that the statue’s disarming.

  79. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The First Garden?

    In a tree, as serene as a chapel,
    As the sun on its leaves paints a dapple,
    A lone man on a limb
    Hears a girl call to him —
    “Hey, Stupid-head, bring me an apple!”

  80. Terry Marter says:

    The nod came from the head cop, to hand it
    To the arm of the law that had planned it.
    The SWAT team soon legged it
    To the crime scene (then pegged it)
    And arrested a rogue one-armed bandit.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dr. Ortho’s Diagnosis” (Limbs)

    “No more dancing! Your tibia snapped!
    It’s amazing how people adapt!
    In my estimation,
    The best explanation
    It snapped at the moment you tapped.”

  82. Dane Paulsen says:

    A “blue” bird spoke to his doc.
    His sore wing put him in shock.
    The doctor said maybe
    Your just a crybaby.
    Try to keep up with your flock.

  83. Dane Paulsen says:

    Correction to Oct 20 9:08 entry.

    A one legged pirate from Sim.
    Stole someone’s prosthetic limb.
    He took off his peg
    strapped on the leg,
    and walked away whistling a hymn.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Yearly Check-Up: A Dialogue”

    “As usual John, you’re okay.
    Goodbye, have a wonderful day.”
    “Just one question, Doc:
    Since I come from good stock,
    Then why in the hell must I pay?”

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    That Wonderful and Exciting Colonoscopy

    That “day before” drink looked real cheesy.
    And that made me feel very queasy.
    The next day, I said, “Doc
    That prep made me rock.
    I’ll never speak well of “Shiteasy”

  86. Those Barrel of Monkeys, no charm.
    For people could trip and cause harm
    They’re scattered on chairs,
    and ascending the stairs.
    Arm and in Arm and in arm.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    One morning, I woke up in fear.
    I heard “ringing”, so loud and so clear.
    I rushed to the Doc
    He said, “Don’t be in shock:
    An alarm clock is stuck in your ear.”

  88. Terry Marter says:

    The Executioner’s tale

    His new Guillotine’s gone to his head,
    Cost an arm and a leg (so he said).
    He expected a cut
    But the price was cranked up,
    Now he’s still very much in the red.

  89. Terry Marter says:

    Replaces previous. Oct 21. 3.43am. (Can’t believe I thought L3 & 4 rhymed)

    The Executioner

    His new Guillotine’s gone to his head, –
    Cost an arm and a leg (so he said).
    He expected a slice
    To be cut off the price,
    Now he’s still very much in the red.

  90. Terry Marter says:

    For kicking an old lady seated,
    He was jailed until punishment meted.
    “You will Not lose your head
    but instead” (the judge said)
    “On the guillotine we’ll see you de-feeted”.

  91. The Barrel of Monkeys, caused harm,
    A torment to mom, an alarm.
    She calls on the Doc.
    He said, ” Come and let’s walk.”
    So she babbles while arm and in arm.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Tragedy In Dover, New Jersey, (Morris County)

    I’m mis’rable; my name is Rover.
    I hail from that heartless town, Dover.
    I hate my “vet” doc.
    I was one bonking jock.
    He undid me; my love life is over.

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    They said she went out on a limb;
    Predicted her chances were slim.
    Since “they” were all males,
    This is one of those tales
    With a “her” outperforming a “him”.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Waiting Room”

    You’re sick from an undercooked meal.
    The waiting room hasn’t appeal.
    Those weird abstracts just shock.
    You must ask the doc,
    “Do they illustrate how patients feel?”

  95. Dane Paulsen says:

    The sea park has many a gator.
    Watching them couldn’t be greater.
    To swim on a whim
    Could cost you a limb
    And you can’t blame the gator much later.

  96. Dane Paulsen says:

    Politics is a bird on a fling.
    It needs all its parts for to sing.
    Our social tethers
    Will ruffle feathers
    On both the left and right wing.

  97. Terry Marter says:

    His old axe severed many a limb
    So new guillotine sought on a whim.
    Salesman Demo’d the slice
    Axeman tripped the device,
    Which he stole, after burying him.

  98. Terry Marter says:

    Replaces oct 21. 9.09am

    For kicking an old lady seated,
    He was jailed until punishment meted.
    “You will Not lose your head
    but instead” (the judge said)
    “On the guillotine you’ll be de-feeted”.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Senior Place” all of us rock!
    Just as long it’s before eight o’clock.
    Uh? What’d I just say?
    (Better get on my way)
    To see that hot Memory Doc.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better: “Mildred Says”

    At “Senior Place” we sure do rock!
    Yet, still get to bed eight o’clock.
    Uh? What’d I just say?
    (Better get on my way)
    To see that hot Memory Doc.

  101. She thought, “He’s a dapper old bloke.
    So smart, and oh boy can he joke.
    The Bach and the Doc,
    And moonlight to walk.
    Just hope that this Brit’s not baroque.”

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    “This Week’s Special”

    Dad was shot. Lost his legs. Had the blues.
    But he smiled when he read last week’s news:
    “Here At “Wooden Leg Mart”
    “Come Today, If You’re Smart
    Buy The Legs, And We’ll Throw In Shoes.”

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! “This Week’s Special”

    Dad was shot. Lost his legs. Had the blues.
    But he smiled, when he read last week’s news:
    “Here at “Wooden Leg Mart”
    “Come today, if you’re smart.
    Buy the legs and we’ll throw in the shoes.”

  104. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ms. Venus de Milo has charms
    In spite of her missing her arms.
    But how did she lose them?
    Did she once abuse them?
    A thought that still truly alarms.

  105. Rudy Landesman says:

    There once was a timorous geek,
    Whose constant demeanor was meek.
    His belly was big.
    He looked like a pig,
    And his brachial appendage was weak.

  106. Doug Harris says:

    I tripped on a simple tent peg:
    Broke ankle and wrist, now I beg
    For your limberick vote
    For this punchline I wrote –
    Coz it’s cost me an arm and a leg!

  107. Doug Harris says:

    To the mafia dealers, in hock
    I’ve become, for my chemical stock.
    For treating this habit
    I fear I’ll inhabit
    The watery spelling for doc …

  108. Terry Marter says:

    Sorry Mad, please delete Oct 22. 7.53am (replace with This)

    I wrote these 3 limericks earlier Today, while resting after cataract surgery. They represent chunks of my life over the previous 8 months, except Yentl is a convenient rhyme word (though I do play in a community band). They are intended as 3 Lim’s, – actually 2 Docs and 1 Limb, not necessarily a 3-verser.

    My Eye problem’s driving me crazy, –
    Eye can’t tell a rose from a daisy
    “I can see”, – said the doc.
    “Cataracts are the crock
    And they clearly explain why you’re hazy.”

    Playing music is driving me mental
    Sharps and flats look the same accidental.
    I agree with you doc, –
    Cataracts are a crock,
    And next week I have solos in Yentl.

    Cataracts have been causing me rage.
    Can’t play notes floating past on the page:
    My eyes say “what’s that!”
    As my fingers guess “Flat”
    But it’s Natural (I guess) at my age.

    ************
    from Mad:

    Cataract surgery in both eyes three years ago was a life saver for me. I wish you a speedy recovery and the same level of success as I experienced.

  109. Had referral, installing of planks.
    But discovered through hammering clanks.
    With your teeth, he’s your doc,
    Has braces in stock.
    And everything lined up, so thanks!

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    So laughable, boy, what a crock.
    I awakened but still was in shock.
    The “plot” was a phone.
    My mind was just blown.
    I dreamed that I spoke to my doc.

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Specialty Gone Too Far” (Limbs)

    My leg muscles feel much too tight.
    But 2 doctors? That gives me a fright!
    Yet because I’m not deft,
    I see one for the left.
    Then another doc, just for the right.

  112. Dave Johnson says:

    The coxswain’s command, then we walk
    Our rowing shell out to the dock.
    On seats that will slide,
    We can make that boat glide
    By rolling without any rock.

  113. Her boyfriend got down on one knee
    It sure was a fine sight to see
    He looked up at the sky
    And then told her why
    “In my sock there’s a troublesome flea”

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lost my leg, but I still do the bop.
    Dance around, till I’m ready to plop.
    And when in the mood,
    For some real tasty food
    Not a problem, I go to “IHop”

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lost my leg, and I must take it slow. (limbs)
    I like games, and I’m almost a pro.
    My great skill at chess
    Often brings me success.
    Plus, I tic, and I tac, but can’t toe.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: The word “limbs” in the above limerick wasn’t supposed to be at the end of the first line. I typed it in as my “title” but it didn’t come out that way.
    (today at 9:15 PM)
    Thank You

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    (sorry) Let’s try this again with “leg” as a plural, which makes more sense anyway.

    Lost my legs, so I must take it slow.
    I like games, and I’m almost a pro.
    My great skill at chess
    Often brings me success.
    Plus, I tic, and I tac, but can’t toe.

  118. Ken Gosse says:

    Goodknee, Badknee, Boney Noknee ~
    My better knee now makes a sound
    that startles the folks all around,
    not because of the noise
    but the way it deploys
    a quick trip down the stairs sans rebound.

  119. Brian Allgar says:

    I had opened a vintage Medoc;
    My first glass was a terrible shock.
    My precious old red
    Was a fraud, for instead,
    It was nothing but watery hock!

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m assured it was done on a whim.
    Surgeon barber – just lopped off a limb.”
    “He can sew it back on?”
    “Says, he can’t sir. It’s gone …
    And I only went in for a trim.”

  121. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Adam, “Lord, be a good egg
    And give me a woman, I beg.”
    God replied, “I can try,
    But the price will be high –
    She will cost you an arm and a leg”

    “Well, I don’t need some posh memsahib,
    And she mustn’t support Women’s Lib.
    But I just can’t afford
    To lose two limbs, dear Lord,
    So what could I get for a rib?”

  122. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    “She was wearing a short, sexy frock,”
    Said the prisoner who stood in the dock,
    “Showing breasts, bum and legs
    Of the kind that just begs
    To be fucked, so I showed her my cock.”

    (Did someone recently suggest that Mad is a prude?)

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Even though there was plenty of snow,
    This jerk was still driving too slow.
    With my arm in a sling,
    I had limited swing.
    Went to plan B, and gave him the toe.

  124. Brian Allgar says:

    The tree was in need of a trim,
    But the gardener was terribly dim.
    The branch must be lopped,
    So he sawed it – then dropped
    Like a stone. He’d gone out on a limb!

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” was hurt in a crash.
    Both his arms have a very deep gash.
    He’s such a nice guy.
    All day long I just cry.
    Cuz who’s gonna take out the trash?

  126. Tim James says:

    Want a lim about limbs? Here you are.
    She has legs like a hot movie star,
    Firmly muscled and tanned.
    Oh, I bet they’d feel grand
    Wrapped around me (no luck there so far).

  127. To repair misalignment of jaw.
    Went searching for surgeon and saw,
    A guy of good stock,
    Though a dandy this doc.
    Just gapes at reflection in awe.

  128. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An annoyed, anti-Freud kind of Doc,
    Said my Oedipus Complex was schlock.
    “You’ll never get happy
    By marrying Pappy.
    This fixation is pure poppycock!”

  129. Terry Marter says:

    (Also double duty?)

    Scored the shot, – came down hard (the poor fellow)
    They suspected ‘Concussed’ (he looked mellow)
    “Pass this test” said the Doc
    “Count the hands on that clock”
    So the Star stared real hard and said…“Yellow?”

  130. Mark Totterdell says:

    A Tyrannosaurus called Rex
    Had a problem that caused him to vex.
    His arms were so small,
    They were no use at all
    When indulging in dinosaur sex.

  131. Mark Totterdell says:

    I had to return my pet starfish,
    It was truly a well below par fish.
    It had met with some harm
    And had only one arm
    Out of five, which is not even halfish.

  132. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Snapped a turtle I met near a dock,
    Who’d learned slowly but surely to talk,
    “With respects to our necks,
    And our soups, I suspects,
    You guys always find something to mock!”

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Push-Ups”

    It doesn’t sound very enthralling,
    But “seniors” routinely are crawling.
    Our muscular arms
    Have so many charms.
    We ‘gotta get up. We keep falling.

  134. My previous friend and my doc.
    Available always to talk.
    But things are now changed,
    Completely estranged.
    Found my husband with Doc off the clock.

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Rewrite (better)

    To some, this may sound quite appalling,
    But “seniors” routinely are crawling.
    Our muscular arms
    (Hidden under our garms)
    Sure give us a lift, after falling.

  136. Rudy Landesman says:

    Theology quite often brings
    To mind a few laughable things.
    And even a pigeon
    In avian religion
    Thinks God must have feathers and wings.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    Disgusting !! (And they’re on their way)

    Ev’ry 17 years, on a whim,
    We have visitors, festy and grim.
    Come to Sweet Illinois,
    So you too can enjoy
    Cicadas on ev-er-ry limb.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    Qantas Next Arrival: O’ hare International Airport “Cicadas Please Leave
    From The Back Door”

    Those cicadas on limbs make us cry.
    But we just do not understand why
    They always are squawking
    And never stop talking
    And whispering, “Terry says Hi’

  139. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mad podiatrist, Goolish Lee Grim,
    Stepped it up when it came to a trim.
    Slews of toenails he whacked
    As he danced ’round the fact
    That his footwork was merely prelim.

  140. Dane Paulsen says:

    The team they assembled was rough.
    Astronauts more scary than tough.
    Vampires so Grimm
    a witch with one limb,
    But they really had the fright stuff.

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m on to you, Kitty

    Ev’ry day, Kitty sits at the top
    Of the tree, but she just will not stop
    Getting caught on that limb,
    (It’s all about “him”)
    She’s real hot for that “cat rescue” cop.

  142. Ken Gosse says:

    The Piper’s Sour Note ~
    The doctor of note felt off-key
    and retorted, a bit angrily,
    “You’re now on My clock.
    I’m bookkeeper And doc
    and it’s time that you paid my full fee!”

  143. rewrite

    She was confidante, friend and my doc.
    Available always to talk.
    Colossally changed,
    completely estranged.
    Found husband and doc off the clock.

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Second Amendment (limbs)

    T. Rex had such primitive charms.
    Went to law school at “Dinosaur Farms.”
    Though some thought it awful,
    His protests were lawful.
    Re’ “The Right To Bear Very Small Arms”

  145. Rudy Landesman says:

    Those gams were insured by Ms. Grable
    For a million. Was that fact or fable?
    I do not recollect,
    Did she ever collect
    To get a new mink or a sable?

  146. The creation recording of doc-
    ‘Mentary first on His block.
    With Adam and Eve,
    And clear to perceive.
    Directing was God, not a shock.

  147. Then there’s:

    The creation recording of doc,
    Starring the first of His flock.
    With Adam and Eve,
    And clear to perceive.
    Directing was God, not a shock.

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Broadway Joe, Go Jets” (limbs)

    Joe Namath was one of the pros.
    So sexy in “Quarterback Clothes”
    But the ladies went wild
    When his legs sure beguiled
    Them, the day he wore hot mantyhose.

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better Meter “Broadway Joe” (limbs)

    Joe Namath was one of the pros,
    So sexy in “quarterback clothes”
    But the ladies went wild,
    And boy! How they smiled,
    When “Joe Willie” wore hot mantyhose.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    The alluring Betty Grable, (before my time) “Pin Up Girl” (limbs)

    I heard Betty Grable could thrill
    Ev’ry Tom, Dick, and Harry, or Bill.
    I’ve been told she was stacked,
    And dug up one more fact:
    Her legs were insured for one mill.

    (true)

  151. Rudy Landesman says:

    Martial arts he had learned at the gym.
    He looked weak and he was rather slim.
    Then on one recent night
    Some thug started a fight,
    And he tore him, perforce, limb from limb.

  152. Rudy Landesman says:

    I’m so glad that Ms. Lisi was able
    To remember the great Betty Grable.
    True, her legs weren’t fat,
    But her chest was quite flat.
    Let’s do keep the facts on the table.

  153. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    “I did all I could, but no luck.
    He’s gone now.” Concluded the doc.
    “This poor electrician
    shall meet the mortician-
    his death was one hell of a shock.”

  154. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    Two vegans were eating a leaf
    when one called the other a thief-
    “That plant leg is mine
    you root-headed swine!”
    Twas a true vegetarian beef.

  155. Daisy ward says:

    Bugs bunny shouted, what’s up doc
    Then threw his carrot as a rock
    He giggles out loud
    Even turns and bows
    Never knowing his rock had been block

  156. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Rudy

    Dear Rudy, how are you? and hi.
    How dare you so blithely imply
    That I recall Betty?
    Don’t mean to be petty:
    I seems you’re much older than I.

    (just a joke)

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! well, that ruins THAT one!

    Dear Rudy, how are you and hi.
    How dare you so blithely imply
    That I recall Betty?
    Don’t mean to be petty:
    IT seems you’re much older than I.

    (just a joke)

  158. Rudy Landesman says:

    Lisi,

    Of course I am older than you.
    It’s no secret. I thought that you knew.
    Betty was a good friend
    Right up to the end.
    Plastic surgery kept her legs new.

  159. Rudy Landesman says:

    To the space station, (you’ll be in shock),
    The shuttle attempted to dock.
    They’d not open their door.
    (Yes, I secrecy swore.)
    The astronauts first had to knock!

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Betty Grable Trilogy
    So befuddled, I forgot to use this week’s limbs theme.

    I guess Betty’s legs were enough
    To assume she had “all the right stuff.”
    But I bet, way back when,
    Those googly-eyed men
    Still wished she was shown in the buff.

  161. Rudy Landesman says:

    Let’s change line 4 of my “space station” limerick.

    To the space station, (you’ll be in shock),
    The shuttle attempted to dock.
    They’d not open their door.
    It had happened before.
    The astronauts first had to knock!

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy: last chapter (What da ya know? Fingers are limbs. (had to make sure)

    If indeed you are older than I,
    Here’s my brilliant and clever reply:
    Keep your fingers real nimble.
    Your rhymes are a symbol
    Of wit. Keep it up. Time flies by.

    (me too)

  163. Terry Marter says:

    I Worked World Wide Web on a whim
    To find out if a dick is a limb.
    The result of the task?
    It depends who you ask,
    So I’ll risk it,- here’s ‘Dick’ in my Lim’.

  164. Lisi Nortman says:

    Click Click Yuk

    If you hear some cicadas, just run!
    They’re revolting, and not one bit fun!
    Millions sit on the limbs
    “Clicking” ear-splitting hymns.
    (After mating, they croak, all is done)

  165. Terry Marter says:

    Dick-pick

    So I’ve deemed ‘Dick’ a Limb (on a whim)
    And inserted above in this Lim’
    But if Mad disagrees:
    NOT a limb, (it just pees)
    She’ll dicklare me a Sick-dick Lim’ Crim’.

    OR?

    So I’ve deemed ‘Dick’ a Limb (like a man)
    And inserted above (cuz I can)
    But if Mad disagrees:
    NOT a limb, (it just pees)
    I’l be handed a two-week Lim’ ban!

  166. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi,
    I’ll give you a leg up on this,
    And kindly don’t take it amiss.
    Those courageous young men
    In the army back then
    Don’t deserve your disparaging diss.

  167. In honor of National American Beer Day.

    “All medical Interns,” said Doc.
    “Let’s walk to the bar, on this block.
    Need beers to the brims,
    It’ll loosen your limbs.
    My prescription for first day on clock.”

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    Re: Rudy’s “Courageous Young Men”

    You might be right, Rudy, but then,
    I’ve implied this; I’ll say it again:
    They’d pay lots of clams
    Just to touch Betty’s gams.
    Let’s face it Babe, men will be men.

  169. Rudy Landesman says:

    Lisi,
    I might just be out on a limb,
    But your view of young men is quite dim.
    Not all are obsessed
    With a woman’s bare breast
    Or any libidinous whim.

  170. Tim James says:

    They won’t listen to Fauci the doc;
    COVID science they cluelessly mock.
    Get the jab? Wear a mask?
    That’s just too much to ask!
    What they’re full of they spew by the crock.

  171. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy: You’re Right!

    I’ve hunted around, in a tizzy.
    My legs hurt so bad, that I’m dizzy.
    I now see the light.
    ONE man said you’re right.
    He’s 90 years old; his name’s Izzy.

  172. Dane Paulsen says:

    Traveling in time, leaving a dock
    Means that dock isn’t, says a new clock.
    Two docks exist
    In this space I insist.
    It’s simply a paradox.

  173. Terry Marter says:

    Premature Appreciation.

    He survived the long fall to the ground,
    but had broken both arms (hit a mound).
    Hauled up by his teeth, –
    and with chasm beneath,
    he said “Tha-a-a-anks…..” with diminishing sound!

  174. Terry Marter says:

    As a child, I remember, Aunt Meg
    Lived upstairs in a flat with Aunt Peg
    Their constant knock knockin’
    Was doin’ my block in
    Cuz each had a hard wooden leg.

    All the dancing they did (cuz they could)
    Used to rattle the whole neighbourhood
    They would stomp until morn’
    Sometimes joined by Aunt Dawn,
    to their favourite song: Knock On Wood.

  175. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hey, Hunky, I tell you no lies.
    I’ve heard lots of talk ’bout your size.
    Your appeal is a bolt.
    That gives me a jolt.
    And there’s thunder between these two thighs.”

  176. The twelve of them inching in queue.
    It was painfully slow, but it grew.
    There’s something afoot,
    Discovered, and put.
    A sale of some shoes as what drew.

  177. Rudy Landesman says:

    The British Museum, I fear,
    Has lost all its charms, so I hear.
    The Brits, up in arms,
    Have sounded alarms:
    “The end of the empire’s near!”

    (No worries. Bermuda and the Falkland Islands are still stalwart members.)

  178. Rudy Landesman says:

    And for Lisi,

    So sorry that you’re in a tizzy.
    I suggest that you quickly get busy
    And try to take stock.
    And go see your doc.
    And what about Izzy? Who is he?

  179. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  180. David Friedman says:

    Willie the Wharf is in tiers
    He’s been dammed for the rest of his years
    No longer a dock,
    He’ll be kept under lock
    By a jury of all of his piers.

  181. David Friedman says:

    The urologist stepped back in shock
    From his patient, as hard as rock.
    Who said, “It’s not trickery
    That it’s so thickery
    It’s a hickory dickory, Doc.”

  182. David Friedman says:

    The sailor said, shaky and grim,
    As he hung from the ship’s crows nest rim,
    “If you climb a tree
    And you’re not at c,
    You’re just going out on a ‘limb.”

  183. David Friedman says:

    There was a musician named Otis
    Who unfortunately failed to notice
    On sitting to rock
    On the bay’s famous dock
    An angry nest of camponotus.

  184. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy: Izzy Doddery, A Brief Biography

    Izzy loves to hold gals in his arms.
    At 90, he still has his charms.
    But he claims, “That’s enough,
    If I try other stuff,
    I’ll end up in “Catacomb Farms.”

  185. Lisi Nortman says:

    1867

    While drinking some beer from a keg,
    A Frenchman, named Raphael Gregg
    Named this new dance, “Can-Can”
    But this real tipsy man
    Should have known it was really “Leg Leg”

  186. Mike Sullivan says:

    When Redcoats retreated in a flock
    From Nawlins that Jackson did block,
    The pier which they fled from
    Held sugar, limes and rum:
    ‘Twas Old Hickory’s daiquiri dock!

  187. David Friedman says:

    A cranky old tree named Branch Rickey
    Said birds on his limbs made him sticky
    And one selfish swallow
    Would crawl in his hollow
    And wouldn’t say thanks for the quickie!

  188. Terry Marter says:

    The Chinese place down at the dock
    Cooks amazing Bok Choy in a wok.
    I ate Bok of the Day
    With the Doc of the Bay
    After posting our pic on TikTok.

  189. Terry Marter says:

    MISTAKES IN MY LIM’S!

    Pain or worry can trigger my whims
    So I’d rather write lim’s than sing hymns.
    All the pills that I take
    Have just fixed my head ache
    But I’ve found some missed aches in my limbs.

  190. Terry Marter says:

    This replaces my previous (8.09pm)

    MISTAKES IN MY LIM’S!

    Pain or worry can trigger my whims
    But I’d rather write lim’s than sing hymns.
    All the pills that I take
    Have just fixed my head ache
    And they’ve found some missed aches in my limbs.

  191. Steve Benko says:

    “If he says one maw time, ‘What’s up, doc?’
    That wabbit I’ll shoot with a Glock,”
    Fumed Elmer. The Second
    Amendment had beckoned;
    Said he, “Gun contwol is a cwock.”

  192. Steve Benko says:

    For double duty:

    Snow White late one night was in shock:
    “One part of you isn’t small, Doc.
    The size of your legs
    Made me think, ‘He’s the dregs’;
    What’s between them, though, sure isn’t schlock.”

  193. Steve Benko says:

    “The Titanic is leaving the dock;
    To believe it could sink is a crock,”
    Said the captain. A clue,
    Though, alarmed the whole crew,
    For the man had a hole in his sock.

  194. Mark G. Kane says:

    I limped in and waited for Doc,
    Wearing only my socks and a smock.
    With pain in both knees,
    He could sell me with ease
    On any crap surgery crock.

  195. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 481. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off LEAK.