Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TEASE or TEAS or TEES at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TEASE or TEAS or TEES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to EGO, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best EGO-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 29, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 28, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal who loved flirting with guys
Indulged in behavior unwise.
She would do a striptease
And then mockingly squeeze
Their crown jew’ls. In the ground she now lies.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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123 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TEASE or TEAS or TEES at the end of any one line”

  1. Tim James says:

    She had called with an offer to tease
    Which involved getting down on her knees.
    So he jumped in his car.
    But he didn’t get far ―
    His misfortune was losing his keys.

  2. brian allgar says:

    Narcissism, megalomania,
    Mixed with childishness, spite, egomania;
    He boasts every day
    “I’m a genius – hey,
    There was never a President brainier!”

  3. brian allgar says:

    Mar-a-Lago: surrounded by tees,
    The hooker was down on her knees.
    But she laughed when he stood
    And presented his “wood” –
    It was roughly the size of a bee’s.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    What is E go, ? I ASKED Doctor FREUD
    With my ISS ues he SEEMED so ann OYED !
    He PAT ted his BACK
    Then said “NEV er come BACK !
    Your MIND, Dear is ONE great big VOID”

  5. Jesse Levy says:

    “You put your balls on the tees.”
    He said, “Excuse me, please?”
    “Your only goal,
    put the ball in the hole.
    Now, give your wood a good squeeze.”

  6. Judith H Block says:

    It’s important that you never tease
    Yellow jackets, or hornets or bees.
    Unlike crooked politicians,
    Who hold high positions-
    Those you must never appease.

  7. Judith H Block says:

    He wears tighty-whities and tees,
    He wants every hot babe he sees,
    Big breasted gals who amuse,
    Not the only ones he screws:
    Our narcissistic Commander-in-Sleaze.

  8. Judith H Block says:

    She really was quite a cruel tease,
    She touched him all over to please.
    She did more than Carpe Diem,
    But then she would leave ‘im,
    With nothing but his hand to appease.

  9. A dolphin is often a tease
    Leaping up high from the seas
    Then down in a splash
    That’s right, not a crash
    For few are as graceful as these!

  10. brian allgar says:

    “First, a massage,” the President said,
    “Then your job is to give me great head.”
    Though she searched all around,
    No dick could be found,
    So she massaged his ego instead.

  11. Sharon Neeman says:

    Spring means ditching our sweaters for tees,
    Showing ankles and calves — perhaps knees —
    And, alone in the grass
    With a lad or a lass,
    Joining in with the birds and the bees.

  12. Sharon Neeman says:

    When he says “I’m the best! Did you ever
    Know anyone my kind of clever?”
    I won’t spew, gag, or fart;
    With my hand on my heart,
    I’ll say “No, Mr. President. Never.”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    My WIFE says that I’M a real TEASE
    ‘Cause I KID her each TIME that she PEES
    When WE’RE in our BED
    I FEEL so much DREAD
    That damn PISS squirts all O ver my KNEES

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    With the GALS I am KNOWN as a TEASE
    Till I MET my dear LOVE ly Lou ISE
    Be FORE I said, “BOO”
    She KNEW what to DO
    And JUST got right DOWN on her KNEES

  15. Jean McEwen says:

    At the beauty salon, I said “Please:
    I need highlights, a trim, and a tease.”
    Now, my hair’s full of mats,
    Like a nest full of rats.
    On my head there’s a hive full of bees!

  16. Jean McEwen says:

    I suspect that the famed Sigmund Freud
    Would with me be profoundly annoyed.
    My id has gone wild.
    My virtue, defiled.
    My ego? It’s underemployed.

  17. brian allgar says:

    The whole rat-pack of Trump’s appointees
    Have been chosen for their expertise
    In destroying, for fun,
    The departments they run.
    Pruitt? Perry? DeVos? Oh, puh-lease!

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    My E go was SAD ly de STROYED
    At my SES sion with DOC tor S. FREUD
    He said, “NEV er come BACK
    I’ll CUT you no SLACK
    Your MIND, Dude, is ONE great big VOID”

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    MY TODDLING TOWN

    I KNOW people CALL me a TEASE
    But THIS is real CRU cial, so PLEASE !
    You MUST listen WELL
    I JUST have to TELL
    You, Don’t MOVE to Chic A go, you’ll FREEZE !

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Please en JOY these ass ORT ed fine TEAS
    Do MES tic ? per HAPS Canton ESE?
    We’ve ADD ed some WEED
    To as SURE that in DEED
    You’ll come BACK and re QUEST a re PRISE

  21. Byron Miller says:

    If you’re human, you need to be right,
    Someone tells you you’re wrong, it’s a slight.
    Despite tiptoes and tact,
    Watch the ego react
    Every time, and defensively fight.

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who CARES about E go and ID?
    I LEARNED all that CRAP as a KID
    I’s a NEW gener A tion
    For GET “repu TA tion”
    And en JOY all that STUFF Mom for BID !

  23. Jesse Levy says:

    I cannot find me cat, Joe.
    The closet? The bathroom? Er, no.
    ‘e takes lots of pride
    In ‘is skill to ‘ide.
    I always ahsk, “Where did ‘e go?”

  24. Tony Holmes says:

    Burlesque queen, Lorenza von Tease
    Could divest on a flying trapeze.
    And her breasts, warmed at heights,
    Flying close to the lights,
    Were deliciously cooled by the breeze.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the BED room our SHTICK is to “TEASE”
    But SOME times he JUST cannot “PLEASE”
    A GAL surely KNOWS
    As the OLD adage GOES:
    “With SEX there are NO guaran TEES”

  26. Byron Miller says:

    Three fledglings nest high in a tree.
    This explains why Trump’s ego’s times three.
    With cacophonous tweets
    Each one greedy for treats
    Crying me, me me me, me me me!

  27. Tony Holmes says:

    When Black Widow Nellie’s on heat
    Every male on her menu is sweet.
    She will put them at ease,
    With some tickle and tease,
    Then it’s consummate nuptials – and eat.

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    BEDROOM RHYMING PROBLEM

    In the BED room, my “SHTICK” is to TEASE
    But my LAST guy? (he JUST couldn’t “PLEASE”)
    But NOW I feel GLAD
    Cause I’ve PUT in an AD
    For some WILL ing, and HOT nomin EES

  29. Tony Holmes says:

    Would be experts should learn the three ‘Tees’
    If they’re eager to ravish and please.
    Titillation, technique –
    These will make them go weak –
    And then tenderness; these are the keys.

  30. Byron Miller says:

    Three fledglings nest high in a tree.
    See how tiny Trump’s hands seem to be.
    Like two wings, he will flap them,
    Yet can’t reach to clap them.
    “Come see, I can fly, look at me!”

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    MY TODDLING TOWN PART TWO

    I KNOW people CALL me a TEASE
    But THIS is real CRU cial, so PLEASE !
    Just TAKE my ad VICE
    I’ll SAY it real NICE:
    “In Chic A go, your ASS will just FREEZE”

  32. Byron Miller says:

    Mad. Flawed L3. Please substitute the following:

    Like two wings, he will flap them,

    Thank you. Byron

    *****
    From MBK: Done.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    WRONG TENSE CORRECTION

    Who CARES about E go and ID?
    I LEARNED all that CRAP as a KID
    So JUST go hog WILD
    You’re no LONG er a CHILD
    But DON’T tell your MOM (God for BID)

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE (changing “BUT” to “SO”)

    In the BED room my “SHTICK” is to TEASE
    But my LAST guy? (He JUST couldn’t PLEASE)
    So NOW I feel GLAD
    Cause I PUT in an AD
    For some WILL ing and HOT nomin EES

  35. Tony Holmes says:

    A minor improvement

    Burlesque queen, Lorenza von Tease
    Could divest on a flying trapeze.
    And her breasts, warmed at heights,
    Soaring close to the lights,
    Were deliciously cooled in the breeze.

  36. With impeachment our only appease
    the Comey tome’s only a tease.
    Let’s put down the book
    and give Cohen’s files a look.
    That’s where we can get all the sleaze!

  37. John Bergstrom says:

    A shy debutante from Oswego
    fell in love with the sailor Tashtego –
    part of his appeal
    was not being real,
    and plus, he didn’t have a big ego

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    You could HAVE a per PET ual SNEEZE
    Or fall DOWN and get BAD bloody KNEES
    But on DOC tor’s day OFF
    Just STI fle your COUGH
    Cause they’re ALL real en GROSSED in their TEES

  39. John Bergstrom says:

    There was more than a smidgen of sleaze
    in our hot drinks campaign in Belize:
    the girls of the night –
    all the fabric stretched tight –
    Remember? That big Teas Tees Tease?

  40. Ken Gosse says:

    (Yes, I had a President in mind when I wrote this some time back.)
    Pride’s Hyde ~
    The once was a man of such pride,
    That he pushed everybody aside.
    A haughty bald-ego
    Was his sole amigo.
    No Jekyll beneath his thick Hyde.

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    If we’re working with rhymes about ‘tease’
    Then we have to involve a chemise.
    But how to import it
    I haven’t yet thought it;
    P’rhaps I’m lacking the right exper-tease?

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    If we’re working with rhymes about ‘tease’
    Then we have to involve a chemise.
    But how to import it
    I haven’t yet thought it;
    I’m bereft of the right exper-tease.

    Fifth line was off. Tut, tut.

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    A poet who’s rhyming with ‘Tease’
    Might have thoughts on including ‘Chemise’.
    He could substitute ‘Shift’,
    If he’s lacking the gift,
    Or take pains to acquire exper-tease.

    That works better!

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    One GIRL I’d in CES santly TEASE
    Was Miss “F” who would AL ways get “D’S”
    I MEN tioned Pearl HARBOR
    And SAID dumb Miss FAR ber:
    “What a SHAME for them BOMBED Japan ESE”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    “BROOKLYNEESE” (true)

    My BUD dy from BROOK lyn I TEASE
    When SPEAK ing (his TEACH er a GREES)
    Well, SOME of his SKILLS
    Just GIVE me the CHILLS
    He REAL ly says, “ONES, twos and TREES”

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    In spite of his manifold pleas,
    Arabella continued to tease.
    He was raised then knocked back –
    Oh, this girl had the knack –
    But was never allowed to appease.

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    In spite of his manifold pleas,
    Arabella continued to tease.
    She would raise, then knock back –
    Oh, this girl had the knack –
    Still ignoring his cries to appease.

    I might still be pushing my luck; but hey ho, I’m licenced.

  48. Tony Holmes says:

    If you suffer from courtship dis-ease,
    Try observing the birds and the bees.
    Whether feral or tame,
    They know how to inflame;
    Watch them tantalize, tickle and tease.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    (this is better)

    My BUD dy from Crown HEIGHTS I just TEASE
    With his SPEAK ing that WEIRD “Brooklyn EES”
    This REAL crazy SPEECH
    Is WAY out of REACH
    When he MEN tions those “ONE’S two’s and TREES”

  50. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I research old age and disease,
    But it’s grim, so I joke and I tease.
    My new study’s complex;
    It involves lots of sex-
    agenarian interviewees.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    EGO

    In PAR is, the HIL ton’s e LITE
    But the GIRL with that NAME ain’t so SWEET
    She THINKS that she’s GREAT
    Just REAL ly first RATE
    This CHICK even KISS es her FEET

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s ONE thing a BOUT the Chin ESE
    They SERVE you de LI cious hot TEAS
    And ON Christmas DAY
    We’ll feel CHEER ful and GAY
    For us JEWS they’re real HAP py to PLEASE

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    PROFESSOR GERMAN

    You SPEAK more than ONE language: TRUE
    But NE ver give PEO ple a CLUE
    Don’t BRAG if you’re BRIGHT
    It JUST isn’t RIGHT
    So TAKE my ad VICE. Ver STEHST Du?

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    The WORST kind of WAY you can TEASE
    Is SOME one a BOUT their dis EASE
    So just KEEP in your MIND
    To AL ways be KIND
    Now get OUT, you PHLEG my damn SLEAZE !

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    ANOTHER VERSION:

    The WORST kind of WAY you can TEASE
    Is SOME one a BOUT their dis EASE
    So just KEEP in your MIND
    To AL ways be KIND
    Now LEAVE, you ven ER eal SLEAZE

  56. Dave Johnson says:

    Sean Hannity’s turning to mush;
    Denials are dropped in a rush.
    It’s Cohen he sees
    Who can cross all the tees;
    The project is called “Honey, hush”.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    A BALD ing gal ASKS for a “TEASE”
    Her beau TIC ian will TRY hard to PLEASE
    Then COMES the “Set SPRAY”
    So her HAIR do will STAY
    The STYLE is called, “DEEP Freeze Bou QUET”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS !

    A BALD ing gal ASKS for a “TEASE”
    Her beau TIC ian will TRY hard to PLEASE
    Then COMES the “Set SPRAY”
    So the HAIR do will STAY
    The STYLE is called, “DEEP freeze with FLEAS”

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    Trump’s ego we view with dismay;
    It’s there in his game every day.
    Announcers would call:
    “He keeps hogging the ball.”
    But Me First has only one play.

  60. Bobby says:

    The Trumpster was feeling so horny
    So he called his flame, Ms. Stormy.
    He begged, ‘spank me harder oh please.”
    “You’ve been a bad boy”” she teased.
    She laughed looking at his jewels so scorny.

  61. Ken Gose says:

    Hey, Nonnie, Say, Nonnie ~
    Anonortwo, in his purview,
    Told Anothernon nearby (but who?),
    “An ego-celeb
    Called Phenomanon said,
    ‘They’ll remember me, but none of you!’”

    We still don’t know anyone’s name,
    And now they’re all gone without fame.
    They’re the dubuious dead—
    All they wrote, all they said,
    Has brought none of them fortune or blame.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Peo ple say I am so VAIN
    I DO have a HIGH-level BRAIN
    My FRIENDS have de PAR ted
    I’m SO broken HEART ed
    Why IS that? Can some PER son ex PLAIN?

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    With YOU I will SURE never TEASE
    I LOVE when you’re DOWN on your KNEES
    Your BOD y’s per FEC tion
    I HAVE an e REC tion
    Hey SCHMUCK ! Get the HELL out,Oh PUL eese

  64. Nate Levin says:

    Some rich folks like elegant teas
    With napkins just so on their knees—
    But other types still
    Take a posture more shrill
    And plague us–I mean our chief Sleaze.

  65. P Diane Schneider says:

    THE EGO

    The Don exclaimed “Oh Jeeze!”
    “This job is such a breeze!”
    “I’ll fix this place,
    ‘Cause I’m the ace!”
    “That Mueller’s such a tease!”

  66. Bob Dvorak says:

    My son, in his 2’s, pushing 3’s
    Begs me, “Daddy, please help me out, please!
    “It’s the AY-BEE-CEE song
    “That’s just awfully long!
    “I can never get past AR-ESS-TEEs!”

    Actually, it’s my grandson, who just turned two. And he’s not singing the song yet. He’s figured out that letters have names and that when you put the letters together they make a word (he adds a few new words each day). But if I stayed with reality I’d either not have a limerick, or I’d have a limerick with lousy meter! Hahaha.

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    As a lover Don Juan had no peer;
    He was feted by dames far and near.
    They would scold him, “Don’t tease!
    You’re so naughty! Now, please,
    Come and focus attention down here!”

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’m REAL ly not TRY ing to TEASE
    So just GIVE me a C-note, Sir, PLEASE
    We’ve more CALL girls in TOWN
    And I’m START ing to DROWN
    Thus, I’ve HAD to in CREASE all my FEES”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    My MAIL order BRIDE was Miss ” TEES”
    I SURE ly hoped THIS gal would PLEASE
    But THEN I had DOUBT
    Cause she WAS n’t ” checked OUT”
    And ar RIVED with damn WORMS, ticks and FLEAS

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have NO use for “LOVE Match Dot COM”
    All I WANT is a DATE for the PROM !
    There is NO one, you SEE
    Good en OUGH for just ME
    So I’ll STAY home with PER fect a PLOMB

  71. Tim James says:

    If it’s brains that you want, I’m the best;
    And my wit far outshines all the rest.
    But you’ll soon come to see
    What’s the best about me:
    I’m so humble. You’ll be quite impressed.

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    HOOKED ON GOLF

    While in VOLVED in my SAL ient TEES
    I NO ticed a HEARSE near the TREES
    We were MAR ried twelve YEARS
    Then she JUST disap PEARS
    A MOM ent of SIL ence, Men, PLEASE

  73. Jeremy M Glass says:

    A lady by the name of Ms Pease,
    Contracted mad bovine disease.
    From eating tainted meat,
    she now had clovened feet,
    And the urge to give her tits a little squeeze.

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    As a lover Don Juan had no peer;
    He was feted by dames far and near.
    They would scold him, “Don’t tease!
    You’re so naughty! Now, please,
    Come and focus your efforts down here!”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    this one’s better (hooked on golf)

    While in VOLVED in my SAL ient TEES
    Moving BY was a HEARSE near the TREES
    We were MAR ried twelve YEARS
    Then she JUST “disap PEARS”
    A MOM ent of SIL ence, Men, PLEASE

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’m HERE and all REA dy to PLEASE
    So WHY are you SUCH a big TEASE?”
    “My DEAR, Darling, RUTH
    To TELL you the TRUTH:
    You SMELL just like LIM burger CHEESE”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Citizen Concerns

    We “SEN iors” just LOVE” fancy” TEAS
    And go OUT and en JOY the warm BREEZE
    But we’re STILL not care FREE
    Cause the PROB lem, you SEE:
    Is we JUST keep on LOS ing our KEYS

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    “There is NO one who’s SMART er than ME
    And I FEEL that you ALL will a GREE”
    “We ALL think you’re DENSE
    You JUST have no SENSE
    The right PRO noun is “I”, don’t you SEE?

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: (previous limerick) Can you please change “can’t ” you see to
    “don’t” you see in line five

    Thank you

    *****

    Done.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    CORRECTION OF BAD GRAMMAR !!

    We SEN iors just LOVE “fancy” TEAS
    Es PEC ially IN the warm BREEZE
    But we’re STILL not care FREE
    The PROB lem, youSEE:
    Is we JUST keep on LOS ing our KEYS

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    There are SOME things a BOUT the Chin ESE:
    They SERVE us de LIC ious hot TEAS
    And ON Christmas DAY
    We feel HAP py and GAY
    For us JEWS they’re real EA ger to PLEASE

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “CLI ents” I ZEAL ously TEASE
    And I KNOW that I CER tainly “PLEASE”
    With his FEET on my HEAD
    I ex CLAIMED, “Darling, NED,
    With THAT I have NO exper TISE”

  83. Sharon Neeman says:

    A long-winded bore on the shuttle
    Introduced himself: “Matthew T. Tuttle.
    Remember it, please —
    It’s unique, with six T’s.”
    Was he teasing? if so, it was subtle.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    I REAL ly did NOT want to FIGHT
    But I HAD such a TERR ible NIGHT
    This CREEP brought me FLOW ers
    He TALKED for five HOURS !
    I spoke JUST three words (“BYE” and “good” “NIGHT”)

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    You HAVE an ann OY ing dis EASE
    I’s CALLED the” se VERE concei TEES”
    You THINK you’re real HOT
    Just LIS ten: You’re NOT
    By the WAY, every BOD y a GREES

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “THAI Fare” they SERVE yummy TEAS
    But my DATE had a CER tain un EASE
    She said, “THIS drink tastes OLD
    It’s REAL ly quite COLD
    Is it CAUSE it was ONCE Siam ESE?”

    (get it?)

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    While GOLF ing with BRAND new white TEES
    I got HIT with damn POOP near the TREES
    Then I GOT a bad STING
    (Put my ARM in a SLING)
    No one TOLD me a BOUT birds and BEES

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    CORRECTION OF METER

    People SAY, “She is JUST so damn VAIN”
    But I DO have a HIGH- level BRAIN
    My FRIENDS have de PAR ted
    I’m SO broken HEART ed
    Why IS that? Can SOME one ex PLAIN?

  89. Dave Johnson says:

    There’s nobody smarter than me;
    Renowned as no other can be.
    Unlike all the rest,
    My brain is the best;
    Perfection, you’ll have to agree!

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    TRYING FOR PERFECT METER

    My BEN son hurst BUD dy I TEASE
    Cause he SPEAKS that real WEIRD “Brooklyn EES”
    This KIND of dumb SPEECH
    Gets WAY out of REACH
    When he MEN tions those ONE’S, two’s and “TREES”

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not Such A Funny Girl

    She LIVES in a REAL fancy PLACE
    But LOVES herself: WHAT a dis GRACE !
    O KAY she can SING
    Hey! WHAT’s the big THING?
    Let’s ALL throw a PIE in her FACE

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    At STAR buck’s they SURE mean to PLEASE
    The STRESS of your DAY they’ll app EASE
    If you JUST cannot THINK
    Of what YOU’D like to DRINK
    Why not TRY that brand NEW “JavaTEASE?”

    (get it?)

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    (sorry)

    AAAH ! the SPRING: I’ts almost MAY !!

    Is Chic A go a TTEMP ing to TEASE?
    Gee, HERE it’s a “MILD” two de GREES
    Now JUST sing a LONG
    To our FAV orite SONG:
    “Home of BRAVE and the LAND where we FREEZE”

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    She’d heard the new boss was a “tease”;
    He hired those eager to please.
    Their interview stalled
    When she was appalled
    He offered free pads for her knees.

  95. Tim James says:

    The President’s Lawyer (an acrostic)

    Could this bozo be more of a crook?
    Only Donald would give him a look.
    Honest counsel’s a must.
    Even Trump needs that trust,
    Not this egomaniacal schnook.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    DRIVE UP ORDER

    How a BOUT them there ” TWO’S for us TEAS?”
    Gee that DOES n’t sound RIGHT,” Miss Lou ISE”!
    We’re REAL ly tanked UP
    So just GIVE us a CUP
    With SU gar and CREAM, will you, PLEASE?

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    (ego PLUS)

    In his REAL ly weird MIND he’s a PRO
    He’s the BEST? and all OTH ers “be LOW”
    He MAR ried his DAUGH ter
    The THINGS that he TAUGHT her
    Were the QUIRKS of a REAL Brooklyn SCHMO

    (no Mia for Mea)

  98. Dave Johnson says:

    The dancers – all handsome and thrilling,
    Have clients so happy and willing.
    With ladies to please
    They are more than a tease;
    Their job is both hard and fulfilling.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    Big Ego? There’s NO one like “RUSH”
    His BRAIN is made UP of pure MUSH
    He’s “SO” to the RIGHT
    Does NOT see the LIGHT
    Let’s ALL get to GETH er and “FLUSH”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    The de FEN dant was QUITE a big TEASE
    Thus, the COURT felt its SAME damn un EASE
    “If you COME one more TIME
    For a NOTH er damn CRIME
    There will BE no more BAR gains of PLEAS”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last EVE ning I FELT a warm BREEZE
    Am I CRA zy, or WAS it a TEASE?
    I HEARD a soft HUM
    Where DID it come FROM?
    I THINK it was” WHIS’pring Lou ISE”

    (Maurice Chevalier)

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Con CERN ing the WORLD situ A tion
    I REAL ly have NO infor MA tion
    My E go’s so BIG
    Some CALL me a PIG
    Why RUIN a su PERB repu TA tion?

    (I wonder who)

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    There WAS a Pro FESS or named “PEEZE”
    And ALL of the GIRLS he would “TEASE”
    If you WERE a “smart” MISS
    And a LLOWED him a KISS
    He’d re WARD you with HIGH er de GREES

  104. Fred Bortz says:

    He orders, “Get down on your knees,
    And prove that you know how to please
    With your full, ruby lips.
    Then let’s finish with whips.”
    Oh, that Marquis de Sade’s such a tease!

  105. Dave Johnson says:

    (Another acrostic)

    It’s official – I’m really the best
    Deceiver, as Forbes would attest.
    In essence, they found
    Only holes in my mound;
    That “Barron” guy filled in the rest.

  106. Fred Bortz says:

    In-augur-ation Day

    He dismisses the experts (statistical),
    And relies on his sycophants (mystical),
    Whose tally (“Oh, Mama!
    You’ve doubled Obama.”)
    Feeds into his needs (egoistical).

  107. Dave Johnson says:

    A ravishing lass from Belize
    Could torment her suitors with ease.
    Then out of the blue,
    One Prince Charming broke through;
    By crossing her eyes with his tease.

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    Burlesque Queen, Lorenza von Tease,
    Was opposed, in all matters, to sleaze.
    “Titillation, with taste,
    Langoureusement, not in haste,
    Is the penchant of true devotees.”

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    When WRIT ing a SEN tence with “t’s”
    Re LAX ,cause you DON’T want to “FREEZE”
    Cross them RIGHT at the TOP
    No “LOOP”, then just STOP
    Get REAL ! Where’s my LAP top, oh, PUL eese !

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    A MINOR CORRECTION:

    When WRIT ing a SEN tence with “t’s”
    Re LAX, cause you DON’T want to “FREEZE”
    Cross them RIGHT at the TOP
    No “LOOP”, then just STOP
    Get REAL !! Where’s my LAP top, oh, PLEEZE !!

  111. Dave Johnson says:

    A drone operator named Lance,
    Conducted a whirlwind romance.
    His craft, as a tease,
    Hovered down by her knees;
    Then flew by the seat of her pants.

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Ive Hir ed “Miss NAUGH ty Lou ISE.”
    For US she’ll per FORM a Strip TEASE
    Crap! I’ve HIR ed King KONG
    Just LOOK at that SCHLONG !
    Close your EYES; don’t be JEAL ous, guys, PLEASE !!

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick line one:
    Instead of “Hey Men, here comes La La Louise ” to
    “Ive Hir ed “Miss NAUGH ty Lou ISE”

    Thank you…Lisi

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    (sorry) This is how it should read I have made a few mistakes!!!

    I’ve HIR ed “Miss NAUGH ty Lou ISE”
    For US she’ll per FORM a strip TEASE
    Oh NO, it’s King KONG
    Just LOOK at that SCHLONG !
    Close your EYES; don’t be JEAL ous, guys, PLEASE

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    SING ALONG

    It’s NICE to have “TWO’S for some TEAS”
    And I’d SAY every BOD y a GREES
    But he MIGHT ask for CREAM
    Which is VE ry ex TREME
    So I’ll HAVE just one TEA, if you PLEASE

  116. Tim James says:

    She had charged him to do a strip tease,
    Then again for caresses that please.
    The unfortunate part:
    She was all a la carte.
    He was busted by high add-on fees.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE: changing line five “sing along”

    It’s NICE to have “TWO’S for some TEAS”
    And I’d SAY every BOD y a GREES
    But he MIGHT ask for CREAM
    (Which is VE ry ex TREME)
    So I”ll HAVE just one”TEAS”, if you PLEASE

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    I KNOW that it’s NOT right to TEASE
    A PER son who SPEAKS “Brooklyn EESE”
    But at “FAN cy Fare THAI”
    My DEAR est friend, “DI”
    Said I’ll HAVE some there “DEMS,” “dooz”, and” DEES”

  119. Dave Johnson says:

    Melania – isn’t she great?
    I picked such a fabulous mate!
    She loves me so much;
    With my TV and such,
    Her birthday gift just has to wait.

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I Talk To The Trees” From “Paint Your Wagon”

    In the GAR den, I” TALK to the TREES”
    They ANS wer, “Oh MIS ter Jones, PLEASE:
    Just GO get a LIFE
    Or FIND a damn WIFE
    We’re SER ious, THIS ain’t a TEASE”

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    1920’s, 1960’s and now

    For the CHARL ston, you WORE a ChemISE
    With the “LIN dy” your HAIR was a “TEASE”
    The DANCE I now DO
    Is a “ONE ‘an a TWO
    Called “BOO gie for ARTH ritic KNEES”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    “You say I”M like your MOTH er, oh, PLEASE !
    You’re my HUS band; I’m SICK of your TEASE !
    I’m NOTH ing like HER
    Just re MEM ber that Sir
    Now FIN ish your CAR rots and PEAS”

  123. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 296.

    Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Bill.