Limerick-Off Award (272)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
When the cruise liner started to list
The cook had a mishap. The gist:
He fell right on a knife.
It was quite late in life
For a man to be suddenly brissed.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Special LAZINESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“My vehicle license expired,”
Said the biker. “It’s just not desired.
I could have renewed it.
By choice, I eschewed it.
Too lazy? No, simply two-tired.”
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Now, what should I do with my time?
To waste it would be such a crime.
Though Everest tempts me,
My nature exempts me –
I just can’t be bothered to climb.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Sharon Neeman, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LIST/ENLIST” RHYME DIVISION)
When I think of the dates I have missed,
All those things left undone, I insist
I must write them all down,
But I stop with a frown
When I reach “Number 1: make a list.”
The Italian man reads from a list
Of women he’s pleased to have kissed:
“I married a few
And divorced all but two.
My brain’s in a fog (big-a mist).”
Some management suck-ups insist
On a method to move up the list.
They’re climbing the charts
By clinging to parts
Of executive asses they kissed.
A man who had once made a list
Of all of the girls he has kissed
Had now, as his aim
To ignite an old flame;
He was going to try for a tryst.
His advances were quickly dismissed;
When he asked them, they only got pissed.
And now he is lonely;
It’s him and him only
And all he has left is his wrist.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (LAZINESS LIMERICK DIVISION)
No computer for Conrad; instead,
He did staggering sums in his head!
All were shocked at the ease —
Till one teacher snapped “He’s
Just too lazy to get out of bed.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Procrastinate? Me? Heavens, no —
Although I’m infernally slow,
The word for my wait
Should be “Am-crastinate”
(I’m too lazy to ever go Pro).
I’m sure that this lim’s gonna win,
As certain as I’ve ever been.
Could it lose? I’d say never;
It’s ever so clever.
Except I’m too lazy to fin.
To my clock as I set it to “Snooze”
(Never quite for as long as I’d choose):
“I’m not lazy, you pest;
I am effing depressed;
So would you be, if you read the news!”
They told me “You should write a sonnet;
Proper poets have all undergone it.”
Fourteen lines? Are you crazy?
No way, I’m too lazy.
Now, limericks – five lines, I’m on it.
In my cubicle, everything’s fine;
The chair is all set to recline.
This morning’s been tough
And I’ve just had enough;
It’s already a quarter to nine.
Will T. Laughlin:
Sure, I’m fond of that yellowing Note
Our political ancestors wrote;
And good schools. And clean air.
And a system that’s fair.
But I just can’t be bothered to vote.
What’s that? Did you call me a jerk,
And say that my duty I shirk?
That I loaf? I malinger?
I’d give you the finger,
If lifting it wasn’t such work.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!