Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STICK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5 (Deadline: April 18)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using STICK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner on April 19, right before I post the next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 18 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The conductor was wielding his stick,
While screaming: “The strings are too quick,
And the woodwinds are slow.”
This made double reeds blow;
Yelled the oboe, “You don’t know a lick!”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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118 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STICK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5 (Deadline: April 18)”

  1. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Rock Star Seeking Privacy

    He couldn’t beat…off with a stick;
    The crowd, it was simply too thick.
    Ah, girls! Far too many,
    How could he pick any?
    One chose him by way of a lick :)

  2. Marty McCullen says:

    I invented this little trick,
    Requiring the use of a stick,
    But it didn’t work
    ‘Cause I was a jerk.
    It needed a spit and a lick.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    I was proud of my magical trick,
    And her clothes disappeared double-quick.
    Then I pulled out my wand,
    But she laughed, that young blonde,
    At my minuscule conjurer’s stick

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    There’s a fellow I really can’t stick;
    He’s a bartender chap, name of Rick.
    Play him “As time goes by”
    And he’s certain to cry –
    What a wimp! Well, you’ve all seen the flick.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker was trying to stick
    To her task, but was getting a crick
    In her neck. “Gimme strength!”
    She exclaimed; “Ain’t the length,
    But this dick is a prick that’s too thick!”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    The con-man was told where to stick
    What he claimed was a solid gold brick,
    And the moron said “Fine!
    Though the sun doesn’t shine
    There, the gleam will illumine my dick.”

  7. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Nothing Succeeds Like Success, or What the H*ll Does That Mean?

    Over time, we’ve all heard the old shtick
    That success, wealth, and more follow stick-
    To-it-tiveness. Could be,
    But it sure seems to me
    Flexibility’s a better trick…

  8. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Smart Come-Ons Wanted, or, Be In It For More Than A Minute

    When her boss carried on like a prick,
    Gutsy Marcy suggested he stick
    All that where no sun shines;
    Rolled her eyes at his whines.
    Too bad Rick was a hounddoggin’ dick.

    Here’s to guys who aren’t led by their c*ck!
    Used to call those the cocks o’ the walk.
    I’m no saint, sex is great,
    But sometimes best to wait…
    What a shock: bed preceded by talk:)

  9. Judith H Block says:

    “Speak softly and carry a stick!”
    For many years that did the trick.
    Bit if there’s some quirk
    And that doesn’t work.
    Bash him in the head with a brick.

  10. Judith H Block says:

    A whore brought a measuring stick
    To check the length of her john’s dick.
    If a meager size,
    She ‘d find a new prize
    And not waste time with a small prick.

  11. Byron Ives says:

    Spot runs off when Jane throws the stick
    For a big dog, he brings it back quick
    Jane sprawls on the ground,
    Spot looks all around,
    And wonders how much she loves Dick

  12. Dave Johnson says:

    An erotic concoction to pick:
    They call it a Popsicle stick.

    A woody device
    Half-frozen in ice

    That tingles the tongue with each lick.

  13. In high school they called me “quick”
    But I was virtually built like a stick!
    I came home and cried
    I wanted to hide
    I couldn’t help it; math was my schtick!

  14. If you take a nice clean stick
    And give it a passionate lick

    You can have fun in the sack
    Just give it a whack

    And you’ve done your first magic trick!

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    He had taken a great deal of stick,
    For his name, “Boyle D. Egge”, was quite sick.
    When he scored on a date,
    All his friends would say “Great!
    Who came first? Was it Egge, or the chick?”

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    Ooops! Madeleine, the first line above should be:

    “He had taken a great deal of stick:

    (From Mad Kane: I fixed it.)

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    Oh, damn! And that shouldn’t be a colon at the end of the line, but a comma, as in the original. Two senior moments in the space of five minutes …

    (From Mad Kane: Fortunately I just added “deal” and didn’t copy/paste it. I didn’t spot the punctuation difference so I didn’t repeat the error. :) )

  18. Mike was built like St. Nick
    And I resembled a stick

    We tried to diddle
    But because of his middle

    We just could never click!

  19. Dave Johnson says:

    Don’t feel bad Brian, I should have flipped my lines 2 and 5 for better effect:

    An erotic concoction to pick:
    That tingles the tongue with each lick.

    A woody device
    Half-frozen in ice;

    They call it a Popsicle stick.

    Oh well, it’s still early out here in the west…

    (From Mad Kane: I’ll consider this, your second version, your entry. :) )

  20. Dave Johnson says:

    He was trying to make it stick;
    So he gave it a rather big lick.

    But the surface he chose
    Had recently froze;

    Now to get him unstuck is the trick.

  21. Byron Ives says:

    You know those mean boys, Nick and Rick?
    They’d grab their lil brother and stick
    Him right on the ground,
    And upon him they’d pound
    That poor runt. I’m sure you gnomic?

  22. Judith H Block says:

    Giacometti’s bronze figures are sticks
    And Renoir painted Rubenesque chicks.
    Munch’s figures, desperate sadness,
    While Cassatt’s, tender gladness;
    Ancient Roman wind chimes, shaped like dicks.

  23. Why have a name like Dick
    When it’s just easier to be called Stick?

    You’ll feel no shame
    With a snappier name

    But the ladies won’t be coming that quick!

  24. Jesse Levy says:

    This post-it note just will not stick.
    The glue on it ain’t worth a lick.
    I guess this old pad
    I got from my dad
    is off to the trash can real quick.

  25. Marcus Bales says:

    There’s some that are dry; some are slick;
    Some last for a while; some are quick;
    Some plain and some frilly,
    But the best ones are silly
    Like “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”

  26. Dave Johnson says:

    She met a new fella named Nick
    Who wanted to show her a trick.

    With a pill called Cialis,
    His two-minute phallus

    Turned into a four-hour stick.

  27. Kirk Miller says:

    The inventor of Teflon, named Rick,
    Had his formula stolen by Nick.
    ‘Twas a crime, so he sued,
    And the outcome he rued,
    ‘Cause the charges in court wouldn’t stick.

  28. Kirk Miller says:

    Good health will not seemingly stick
    To young hypochondriac Rick.
    There is always a wealth
    Of his news of bad health.
    The thought of it just makes me sick.

  29. My husband got a walking stick
    Because his feet became too thick.

    I looked at it one day
    And said, “Hey Ray,

    I’ve been a bad bad aging chick!”

  30. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Pols Have No Balls…In the Air or Otherwise

    They harangue or drone on: it might stick,
    Assuming John Q. won’t know Dick.
    But believe me, we do!
    We’re still waiting for you
    All to show us some substance, v. trick :(

  31. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Thick As A Brick?

    My peel-off address labels won’t stick:
    Where’s the tape? I’ll just give them a lick.
    Rash decision, too quick –
    Blah, blug, water!! Man: ick!
    Then saw old note: “Tape! lick=sick :(“

  32. Dave Johnson says:

    Their commercial is glossy and slick;
    A remedy for what made you sick.

    But lab tests revealed
    You’re more likely healed

    By a witch doctor waving a stick.

  33. Fred Bortz says:

    Baseball’s here!

    McCutcheon is wielding his stick.
    Francisco’s sharp curveball is quick.
    It’s Opening Day.
    Will the Bucs have their way?
    Or will Cincy pull off a slick trick?

    Go, Pirates!

  34. Tim James says:

    A proton attempted a trick:
    He pulled others close-in to him, thick.
    That’s a problem, because
    It breaks physical laws.
    Not to worry: the charges won’t stick.

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    He likes to go after a chick
    Like a dog that is chasing a stick.

    To hear and believe him,
    He’ll always retrieve ’em;

    With BS, he lays it on thick.

  36. If you want to see a good flick,
    Ask my old buddy Dick.

    He told me “Fifty Shades of Gray”
    Would blow me away

    And the lead actor is “Dippy the Stick”

  37. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Stick ‘Em Up

    They swore that her pasties would stick;
    The in-house “brand” was cheap, hence their pick.
    In too-tall heels, she stumbled
    And bounced: off both tumbled…
    She planned it? Tips added up quick :)

  38. Jesse Levy says:

    I once asked a good friend named Nick
    To show me a slick magic trick.
    In a hypnotic fog
    He made me a dog.
    Please throw it and I’ll fetch that stick.

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    The percussion was rowdy and quick;
    Played to impress that cute chick.

    As he hit a big stroke,
    His drummer’s throne broke;

    At least he held on to the stick.

  40. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    A slugger bragged of his stick
    “ It’s the best! Here give it a flick.
    But you must understand
    It comes from Thailand.
    One hit makes you thick as a brick.”

  41. scott says:

    I’m feeling a little bit sick
    yet hopeful I’m going to kick
    this cold that I’ve got
    I am real full of snot
    and fearful it’s going to stick

  42. Dave Johnson says:

    An aging porn goddess grew sick
    Of co-stars the director would pick.

    “Don’t bring me some fool
    With a steroidal tool;

    Just give me a dick on a stick.”

  43. My friend Polly had a brain like a stick
    You might even say the lady is thick.

    On Halloween night
    She wasn’t too bright

    And asked “Do you want to turn a trick?”

  44. not a duplicate….sorry

    My friend Polly HAS a brain like a stick
    You might even say she’s thick!

    On Halloween night
    She wasn’t too bright

    And asked, “Do you want to turn a trick?”

  45. In your neck you might have a crick.
    So go get a magic stick.

    Say Abracadabra;
    And take a Viagra

    And you’ll get rid of your crick real quick.

  46. Mick Jagger is built like a stick
    If you want to see him real quick:

    Just make a wish
    And eat a knish

    Now that would be quite a trick!

  47. fixed for a better meter:

    If you want to see a good flick,
    Just ask my old buddy, Dick.

    He SAID “Fifty Shades of Gray”
    Would blow me away.

    And the “lead” is Dippy the Stick.

  48. John hit me with a brick.
    I ran after him real quick.

    He had his shotgun
    But I did not run

    I got him with his own boom stick

  49. Dave Johnson says:

    For VP, Bush thought he should stick
    With one who would be a safe pick.

    The goods were all sold;
    But events did unfold

    That showed us he didn’t know Dick.

  50. Limericks are like a stick
    The magic is in the schtik

    You think of a rhyme
    at an imaginative time

    And you’re there with a simple mouse click!

  51. (Not clever; just angry, after seeing Santorum on the Nation’s Face… excuse me; after seeing Santorum on Face the Nation.)

    To Mr. Santorum: Say, Rick,
    Up your ass is a long, rigid stick.
    If you leave it there, fine…
    Just don’t call it a spine,
    You ridiculous hectoring prick.

  52. Poor Jack is too nimble and quick
    Finding places his candle to stick.
    Now his candle is burning…
    He’s finally learning
    Where not to be dipping his wick.

  53. The priest, indiscreet with his dick,
    Got arrested. The charge didn’t stick.
    Then he rose through the ranks,
    And grew powerful, thanks
    To the size of his new bishopric(k).

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    Dave wanted to master the trick
    Of propelling that ball off the stick.

    He took a big cut
    And dug a deep rut;

    Then looked for the bucket to kick.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    James Brown had a hit – “Licking Stick”;
    “Uptown Funk” is now everyone’s pick.

    Soul music’s a gift
    For new artists to lift;

    But the lines blurred for Williams and Thicke.

  56. We hit a ball with a stick
    Because in Brooklyn, that was our schtick

    We didn’t have bats
    We were all cool cats

    Sandy Koufax….boy was he slick!

  57. Dave Johnson says:

    Johnny Football figured to click
    With Cleveland, who made him first pick.

    He was so below-grade,
    They surely would trade

    Him to Pittsburgh, who they’d love to stick.

  58. When I was young I had a stick
    I dug and dug till my hands felt thick.

    Then one day
    In the month of May

    I found Jimmy Hoffa’s toes between a concrete slick.

  59. billgncs says:

    this doesn’t have stick, but I couldn’t help sharing it because… it rhymes with stick….

    anticipation was making her sick
    till he said “Darling, I’ll make it quick”
    on further inspection
    with lack of infection
    all she felt was one little prick

  60. kanzensakura says:

    Being an oboe player, I had a wonderful big laugh at the end of this!

  61. Tim James says:

    The detective discovered the trick:
    Scotch tape caused the door latch to stick.
    ‘Twas this strange twist of fate
    That kicked off Watergate.
    Tricky Dick was thus dicked by a dick.

    (For you youngsters, “dick” used to be slang for detective.)

  62. Dave Johnson says:

    When they yell “Now get on the stick!!”
    You wonder, so what is this trick?

    Is it really just good
    To step on some wood,

    Or a dumb phrase thrown out by a dick?

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    The Hollywood diva would stick
    With a hired detective named Rick.

    The local P.D.
    Could do it for free,

    But she wanted her own private dick.

  64. If you need a candlestick
    It might just do the trick.

    Handle with care
    But please beware

    Use the side without the wick.

  65. A girl from Barh with a walking stick
    Said: “I’m luckier than the other chicks
    he gives me support
    and never he snorts
    But best of all he is just a dick”.

  66. After shooting the bear, hunter Vic
    Stood poking the beast with a stick.
    What would happen, we said,
    If it wasn’t quite dead?
    And Vic replied, “Don’t be ridic–“

  67. When I was married to Billy “The Stick”
    He treated me worse than a brick.

    When we got a divorce,
    The grounds, of course

    were “YOU MAKE ME SICK!”

  68. not a duplicate

    When I was married to Billy “The Stick”
    He treated me worse than a filthy old brick.

    When we got a divorce,
    The grounds, of course

    were “YOU MAKE ME SICK!”

  69. Dave Johnson says:

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick;
    Jack, slide under that limbo stick.

    If you feel the pain
    Of muscle strain,

    Ibuprofen should do the trick.

  70. When trying to rhyme words with stick
    First in your brain, something must click.

    Then be clever
    In your endeavor

    And you’ll create the perfect LIM-ER-ICK.

  71. Idea from Dave Johnson

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick;
    Get your hands off this prudent chick.

    She knows what you’re thinking
    And sees you’ve been drinking

    So take a cold shower real quick.

  72. Oops! forgot to type stick

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
    Get your hands off this prudent chick.

    She knows what you’re thinking
    And sees you’ve been drinking

    You’re nothing to her but a scraggy old stick.

  73. Dave Johnson says:

    He asked her “Can you drive a stick?”
    She said “No, I’ll learn it real quick.”

    But their getaway car
    Traveled not very far;

    Reverse was just one easy click.

  74. Bryan Ens says:

    Why do I get the feeling that the oboe player is going to have a conductor’s baton thrown at him (or worse) in just a few moments?

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    There’s hope that the charges won’t stick
    And maybe his version will click.

    He said to the judge:
    “I just gave him a nudge;

    Not knowing the glass wasn’t thick.”

  76. 1950’s Misconception

    In ’52 I had a stick
    I dug and dug till my hands felt thick.

    My friend said
    “Dinah, are you digging to China?”

    “Yes, LOOK! matzoh balls; come and have a lick!

  77. not a duplicate ……trying for a better meter

    When trying to rhyme words with stick
    In your brain, something must click.

    You need to be clever
    In your endeavor

    To create the perfect LIM-ER-ICK!

  78. Dave Johnson says:

    A camper had looked for a stick
    To help start a fire real quick.

    Off the trail, he discovered
    A couple – uncovered

    Who offered “Just go flick your Bic!”

  79. 1950’s Misconception Improvement in Meter

    In ’52 I had a stick
    I dug till my hands felt thick

    My friend said, “Dinah,
    are to digging to China?”

    Look! matzoh balls: have a lick!

  80. Unique Discovery

    When I was young I had a stick
    I dug till my hands felt thick

    Then one sunny day
    In the month of May

    I found Jimmy Hoffa’s prick.

  81. Dave Johnson says:

    I’ve discovered that limericks are like bananas – they come in bunches…

  82. When I had a pogo stick
    Life was really a kick.

    Mom took it away
    She said it’s child’s play

    It’s been replaced with my hubby Dick.

  83. Oh, as I grow older, my dick
    Has come to resemble a stick:
    It’s withered and brittle,
    Adorned with two little
    Dry nuts no one’s anxious to pick!

  84. The witch, off to worship Old Nick,
    Found a ShopVac convenient and quick.
    Though witches by habit
    Ride brooms to the Sabbat,
    This witch never learned to drive Stick.

  85. Though young men these days get a kick
    From the Back Door, it makes me say, “Ick!”
    Call me old fuddy-dud;
    Call me stick-in-the-mud,
    But I do not like mud on my stick.

  86. At one time you had to lick
    A stamp so it would stick

    Now you can peel it
    So it firmly will seal it.

    And your stamp will stick real quick.

  87. I once had a magic stick
    To evaporate my brother Nick

    I waved it around
    up and down.

    And conjured another one named Rick!

  88. I wish I could find a long stick
    with a small pointy end for a wick
    so’s next time the crass
    asks us what burns his ass
    I could answer ’em lickety split.

  89. In one hand he held a large stick
    and the other a huge mining pick.
    When asked why oft’ly
    he said, “One’s to speak softly,
    the other’s if you’re just a dick.”

  90. Don’t confuse schtick with stick
    The words are not meant to trick

    A stick’s made of wood
    But with schtick you should

    Laugh till your sides almost split.

  91. Dave Johnson says:

    An aging porn actor named Rick
    Just couldn’t get ready to click.

    The director said “Dude –
    If you can’t find the mood,

    Sun City is where you should stick.”

  92. Trying for perfection!
    Trying for perfection

    When trying to rhyme with stick
    In your brain, something must click

    You must be clever
    In your endeavor

    Voila! a perfect LIM-ER-ICK!

  93. Little Pig, from his mansion of brick,
    Thought of houses of straw, and of stick,
    And their mortgages — sold
    To the wolves for their gold —
    And he laughed ’til he made himself sick.

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    She’s decided not to stick
    With a guy for being a dick.

    When they go out to eat,
    He’ll often repeat:

    “More coffee and YO – make it quick!”

  95. If you throw a dog a stick
    He’ll retrieve it mighty quick

    But take heed, my friend
    It will NEVER END!

    Till you want to kill that mutt with a brick!

  96. Tim James says:

    On her body I spread Nestlé’s Quik;
    Chocolate syrup ensures it will stick.
    Then two scoops on her chest —
    It’s her new Sundae best.
    When she wears it, I think she looks slick.

  97. Dave Johnson says:

    A parrot was perched on a stick
    And squawked with an accent so thick.

    The shop owner, Fred
    Smirked “Here’s what he said:

    Just feed me and don’t be a dick!!”

  98. Allen Wilcox says:

    “Hey man, you need to get on the stick.
    It’s our time, so let’s cut to the quick.”
    The reply.”Okay ace,
    We can still win this race,
    But only if time has a nick.”

  99. Dave Johnson says:

    When you want to antagonize quick,
    You can try this obnoxious new trick.

    If a concert’s the place
    To capture your face,

    Just pull out your dumb selfie stick.

  100. I couldn’t get the post-it to stick
    So I bought some glue called “Thick”

    It spilled on the floor
    I tripped on the door

    Now I’m stuck with my head on a brick.

  101. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    There once was a caveman named Glick
    Who in rage gave a tree a swift kick.
    To the ground fell a bough
    That he grabbed yelling, “Yow!
    Dudes, come quick—me invented the stick!”

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    Ol’ Jed has a great walking stick;
    It isn’t too heavy or thick.

    The handle is hip;
    There’s an embedded chip

    For a GPS screen he can click.

  103. My grandson’s name is Rick?
    Or maybe it is Stick?
    I’ve only seen the top of his head
    He even brings his i-phone to bed
    I’m hoping that one day we’ll click!

  104. Brian Allgar says:

    Their superglue claimed it could stick
    A live elephant (that’s quite a trick!)
    To the wall. They were right,
    And the jumbo stuck tight,
    But the wall has collapsed brick by brick.

  105. My cleaning lady uses a stick
    A cloth at the end, “dusting trick”

    She’s not at all frivolous
    A “professional” who’s meticulous

    But she rearranges my knack with my knick

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    There’s really not much of a trick
    In trying to rhyme the word “stick”.

    But it has to make sense;
    Or else you’ll commence

    Doing it by hick or by crick.

  107. not a duplicate

    My cleaning girl uses a stick
    A cloth at the end: “dusting trick”
    She’s very meticulous
    And highly fastidious
    But she rearranges my knack with my knick!

  108. Allen Wilcox says:

    What more could she want in a trick?
    It was prick, it was dick, it was stick.
    With a lick just for fun,
    Then a need to be done,
    It was thick, it was slick, it was quixk.

  109. Allen Wilcox says:

    Her decision to buy was too quick.
    The sounds from the bird made her sick.
    She thought that the parrot
    Might respond to a carrot,
    But she much preferred using a stick.

  110. Allen Wilcox says:

    Not an entry in the contest, but a response to
    Dave Johnson’s, observation that limericks come in bunches.

    Now limericks may come in bunches –
    One of several plausible hunches.
    But some think they’ll be lonely,
    And become bunchy only,
    If preceded by twenty-five crunches.

  111. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    A reply to a hot, friendly chick
    Who asked for ride to a flick
    Was much misconstrued
    And considered quite lewd
    When I asked, “ Can you handle a stick?”.

  112. I could never get it to stick
    That when I turn the key; wait for the “click”

    My house got robbed
    And oh, how I sobbed

    They took my DVD, “How To Remember” flick.

  113. I won the famous baton stick
    For acting out the best schtick

    I stood on my head
    And jumped on the bed

    But I’m no longer married to Rick.

  114. Gary Henderson says:

    A Florida Governor named Rick
    Thought he couldn’t be beat with a stick.
    But the Koch brothers money
    Made him act like a dummy
    And the future is jail for the prick!

  115. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Two new switches got broken quite quick:
    One’s in pieces, the other would stick.
    “Now our homeowner’s mad,
    Which is making me sad,
    Cuz I’m guessing that we’ll never click.

  116. Dave Johnson says:

    Stick-to-it is really her trick;
    A stickler for making things click.

    She sticks to her guns
    Baking hot, sticky buns

    While beating this rhyme with her stick.

    (Goodbye to a word I’m so sick of….)

  117. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 209.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme: Vet.

  118. Kaye Roberts says:

    When he threatened me with a stick
    I told him he had the wrong chick
    When a flip and a push
    Landed him on his tush
    He actually learned pretty fast