Tart Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Tart

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man fell in love with a tart…*


A fellow was eating a tart…*


A reviewer whose comments were tart…*


I prefer all my food to be tart…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Tart Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man fell in love with a tart,
But was warned an affair wasn’t smart.
Said his sourpuss pal:
“She’s a cat-around gal.
Only fools would give floozies their heart.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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65 Responses to “Tart Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Tart”

  1. Ira Bloom says:

    A waitress was serving a tart,
    To a Muslim, who grasped at his heart.
    “Pray to god, Miss,” he pled,
    “Certainly, sir,” she said.
    “Ex machina, or Allah carte?”

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    I cut one that smelt a bit tart
    And revealed myself through my art.
    You might think I’m jokin’
    Or dope I’ve been smokin’,
    But really, I’m just a big fart.

  3. Fred Bortz says:

    She explained to her John, “I’m no tart!
    I perform philosophical art.
    I will make you feel peachy
    If you ply me with Nietzsche,
    Or ride me, horse-like, to Descartes.”

    (Note that not only did I follow the rules for limerick writing, but I also did not put Descartes before the horse.)

  4. A poet fell in with a tart
    who thought it would improve his art
    inspiration struck
    once the crabs ran amok
    and a break up poem was just the start

  5. Jesse Levy says:

    A man fell in love with a tart
    Twas a beauty. A real work of art
    The creamy fruit filling
    was exquisitely thrilling.
    When he schtupped it the thing fell apart.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    He was eating a strawberry tart
    With a lecher’s lascivious art,
    For the strawberry blonde
    Was exceedingly fond
    Of his tongue in her amorous part.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The philosopher’s comments were tart:
    “Other thinkers are not worth a fart –
    Their philosophies stink!
    I know that I think,
    And that therefore I am”, said Descartes.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The waitress had brought him a tart,
    But Count Dracula fancied her heart.
    Although at this venue
    Blood’s not on the menu,
    He just served himself à la carte.

  9. A girl ate a humongous tart
    To deal with the break of her heart
    And the ultimate truth
    She’d been wasting her youth
    With the most undeserving old fart

  10. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow who ate too much tart
    Had blood pressure right off the chart
    And the Doc in surprise
    Was rolling his eyes
    Because he loved Mondriaan’s Art.

  11. Diane Groothuis says:

    The critic’s remarks were quite tart
    And went straight to the heart like a dart.
    Your technique is crap
    You are history old chap
    It might suit you to make a new start.

  12. Jon Gearhart says:

    Are philosophers’ words sweet or tart?
    “I think so I am.” said Descartes.
    Berkeley said “If I am,
    So is God.” “Life’s a sham.
    Yes, it is. No it’s not.”-Jean-Paul Sartre.

  13. Judith H Block says:

    A man fell in love with a tart
    Who played him like he was Mozart.
    They made a crescendo
    And then took it real slow,
    For she did it all for the art!

  14. Judith H Block says:

    A man fell in love with a tart
    Who knew all his pleasures by heart.
    When she finished their fun
    She would yell that he’s done:
    “Just go away, leave, scram, depart!”

  15. Judith H Block says:

    A reviewer whose comments were tart,
    Thought his writings were just oh, so smart.
    Cruel to the wrong person?
    For that it was certain.
    He was found with a knife in his heart.

  16. Diane Groothuis says:

    In search of a nice apple tart
    I went to a large super Mart
    Bananas and ham
    And all sorts of jam
    But no tart to go in my cart.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    My ex-wife was a bit of a tart,
    And that’s why we are living apart.
    The night she got pissed,
    She just couldn’t resist
    My best friend with his Cupid-like dart.

  18. Judith H Block says:

    A fellow who quoted Decartes
    Was careless- a cinch to outsmart
    “I think therefore I am..
    I just don’t give a damn”
    This fool and his money would part.

  19. Judith H Block says:

    A woman who loved almond tart
    Knew the way to a strong, healthy heart.
    All sugar’s a “no”
    And so is all dough.
    All gluten, and dairy: not smart.

  20. scott says:

    A man fell in love with a tart
    @ lonely dot com backslash heart
    he craved her affection
    yet used no protection
    and now his computer won’t start

  21. Bob Leggett says:

    My dreams of baking a tart
    Were doomed from the very start
    Just like my plans
    For exotic flans
    That crumbled and fell apart

  22. Kirk Miller says:

    He abused her with words that were tart
    When the love in their life fell apart.
    The solution for her
    Was so easy. The cure
    Was to plunge a sharp knife through his heart.

  23. Charley Simmons says:

    A man fell in love with a tart,
    Tho’ his friends all warned “it’s not smart”
    He cried, “she’s great in bed,
    Gives magnificent head
    And she doesn’t care if I fart”

  24. Charley Simmons says:

    A gal ate a large spicy tart
    On her way to church from the Mart
    She sang in the choir
    Tho’ her breath was on fire
    Rev’s “Hell sermon” went to the heart.
    [special effects make the difference]

  25. Tom Harris says:

    The savage and passionate tart
    Would offer her wares ala carte.
    A cheap, little hussy,
    She wasn’t too fussy,
    But, brother, look out should you fart.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    The wine was unpleasantly tart,
    Thin and acid, and lacking in heart.
    They fermented again,
    Thus inventing champagne
    With true viticultural art.

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    The actress moonlit as a tart,
    And she asked me “Now, where shall I start?”
    So I told her, then screamed
    In great pain, for it seemed
    She could only perform a bit part.

  28. Val Fish says:

    I fancy a nice bit of tart
    Bit I ought to think of my heart
    The excitement could see
    An early death for me
    But what a great way to depart

  29. Fred Bortz says:

    Marge Simpson was baking a tart
    For Homer and Lisa and Bart.
    She cried out, “Oh, no!
    I’ve no yeast for the d’oh.”
    But at least it gave Pesach a start.

  30. yt cai says:

    The warm filling of a Pop Tart
    Leaked onto her labia part
    Motel breakfast food
    Can heighten the mood
    Room service pleasure a la carte

  31. Val Fish says:

    This week we are rhyming with ‘tart’
    I’m hoping to at last outsmart,
    With some clever wordplay,
    And a pinch of risqué,
    Those meisters Allgar and Gearhart

  32. Graig Larson says:

    “A fellow was eating a tart”
    Was how two of his novels would start.
    Only one, he’d have sworn,
    He had meant to be porn,
    Yet nobody could tell them apart.

  33. Brian Allgar says:

    Well, Helen of Troy was a tart,
    And she captured poor Paris’s heart.
    But ten years of war
    To recover a whore?
    Even Bush wouldn’t think it was smart.

  34. Opening Gambit

    The few words she spoke, both prim and tart,
    Made it clear we’re still miles, miles apart.
    “You’re a prick, don’t you see?
    And I’m sure you’ll agree
    That your suit is way, way off the chart.”

  35. yt cai says:

    The hooker sucked on a Sweet Tart
    While performing an oral sex part
    She was always a sucker
    For improving that pucker
    Got a big tip from her regular Art

  36. Tim James says:

    My blind date’s observations were tart
    As she picked my appearance apart.
    This gal gave me no chance
    With my bell bottom pants
    And my bright orange ’80 Dodge Dart.

  37. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    My response was perhaps a tad tart,
    But she’d coldly disparaged my art.
    Yes, it made the Queen blink
    When I said, “Do you think
    That some cock’ll warm YOUR frigid heart?”

  38. Colonialist says:

    A fellow was eating a tart,
    And knew it was one from the start:
    ‘If the filling you spy
    Is bare to the sky,
    It can’t be a pie – ain’t I smart?’

    A man fell in love with a tart
    Picked up at a big supermart;
    He found it quite thrilling
    To get to the filling:
    ‘Oh, that was,’ he gasped, ‘the best part!’

  39. Colonialist says:

    Scratch the last line, please. It is the unwanted residue from a previous unsuccessful version.

    (Done– MBK)

  40. Colonialist says:

    A fellow, devoured by a tart,
    Said, ‘This is what sets her apart!
    Most guys eat their pies,
    But what a surprise
    When tarts also play eating part!’

  41. Jon Gearhart says:

    When King Arthur went after a tart
    Named Guinevere, she stole his heart.
    This myth is widespread
    Throughout folklore and said
    To be truly a false work of Art.

  42. Jon Gearhart says:

    A bittersweet irony’s tart
    In a way both depressing and smart.
    An example from life
    Is a heart surgeon’s wife
    That “on leaving him” cut out his heart.

  43. Jon Gearhart says:

    I once met a darling French tart
    And Eiffel hard for her from the start.
    When she said oui oui
    To a tryst in Paris,
    Eiffeled napped hole in with boney part!

  44. Jon Gearhart says:

    So nice I pastied her twice. LOL. Please fix that, Mad!

    (Done — MBK)

  45. Ron B. says:

    Just Desert

    Men madly will fall for a tart
    who, shallow of mind and of heart,
    will claim her vows taken
    have long been forsaken
    by death never doing its part.

  46. Ron B. says:

    Playing a Critical Part

    A reviewer both pleasant and tart
    said, “I’m here to strengthen your art…
    I’m not narcissistic…
    nor am I sadistic…
    take the good, bad, and bitter to heart.”

  47. Ron B. says:

    Chilling Filling

    A fellow had picked up a tart
    — at least so he thought at the start —
    until gasping for air
    he announced with despair
    “…t’was quiche with an art…uh…choke heart.”

  48. Ron B. says:

    T’is the Seasoning

    Though I like all my food to be tart.
    I’m not bitter if it should depart
    so long as the reason
    to otherwise season
    is as tastefully taken to heart.

  49. yt cai says:

    Guinevere was one bodacious tart
    A Lady after my very own heart
    Though some found it rude
    To mount her horse nude
    Going bareback was just off the chart

  50. Jon Gearhart says:

    Come turn out the light, my sweet tart.
    You’re sour sometimes, but your heart
    Is strong and it’s pure
    Like the smell of manure
    When you eat cauliflower and then fart.

  51. Jon Gearhart says:

    I hope that my comment’s not tart
    And you think I’m an ass that’s too smart,
    But it’s Lady Godiva
    That made my saliva
    Drool thinking of her mounting a horse with nothing covering even one single part.

  52. Diane Groothuis says:

    I’m thinking re that lonely tart
    Who went to that site (F slash heart).
    It is buyer beware
    In that jungle out there
    What thou sayest is not what thou art.

  53. Dining Out
    A fellow was eating a tart
    She said he had a really good start
    Til half way in
    She started to grin
    As she let out a terrible fart

  54. Jon Gearhart says:

    We gave her the nickname The Tart
    Since we rode her in groups or apart,
    She charged a cheap fare,
    Took us all anywhere,
    And then, “Ta, hoe!” we’d hop off and dart.

  55. Diane Groothuis says:

    I made him a big greengage tart
    Which looked like a large piece of art
    My motive was sly
    Cascara in pie
    But he still was unable to fart.

  56. Ron B. says:

    In “Just Desert” above, please remove the comma following “tart” and insert a comma following “who”. Thanks.

    (Done — MBK)

  57. Matt Regan says:

    A reviewer whose comments were tart
    Thought all shows should reflect such high art
    That in all matters musical
    He’d say “It’s unusual,
    But surely, not Rogers & Hart”

  58. Jon Gearhart says:

    A man’s life can be sweet or quite tart
    And the wife that he has, for a start,
    Can help decide which.
    Is she nice or a bitch?
    Does she nag, or make love fill his heart?

  59. Laura M says:

    A man fell in love with a tart.
    He knew it was doomed from the start,
    Though ’twas not till he kissed her
    He fin’ly dismissed her;
    She had apples instead of a heart.

  60. Laura M says:

    A reviewer whose comments were tart
    hated our show from the start;
    her pen wielded such power
    that the actors would cower
    and offer to give her their part.

  61. Alan Draeger says:

    A man fell in love with a tart
    Whose breasts were a fine work of art
    He asked “Are they real?”
    She replied “Have a feel!”
    And that’s how she won his heart

  62. Ron B. says:

    Confection Objection

    A bright lawyer defending her tart
    — to her prodigy having no part. —
    said, “No sugar…low fat…
    that is where health is at…”.
    Said her son “…in your head…not my heart.”

  63. Allen Wilcox says:

    Three stanza limerick “chain”.

    A man fell in love with a tart
    Who thought that tattooing was art.
    He, being quite daft,
    Let her practice her craft
    And proceed on his most private part.

    As you might well imagine, the tart
    Needed firmness before she could start.
    So she used an injection
    For proper erection
    And pain pills brought in by the cart.

    Her masterpiece finished, the tart
    Explained that her tatting might smart,
    And whenever he “sinned,”
    He would always break wind,
    Which made it a true work of fart.

  64. Ste says:

    It’s vital when having a tart
    To choose it right from the start.
    To look juicy and ample,
    A most tasty example
    Of a dish built state of the art.

  65. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 198.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Pass.