Fretting About Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who tended to fret…*


A fellow was told not to fret…*


A guitarist had broken a fret…*


A repairman was fixing a fret…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Fretting About Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A cellist would frequently fret
Over women the minute they met.
Could he strike the right chord?
But the gals all got bored;
He was one-note — not much of a get.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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64 Responses to “Fretting About Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Richard Diakun says:

    The bookie, he started to fret
    Should never have taken the bet
    Ninety-to-one’s bread and butter
    Was being a mudder
    A freak storm just left the track wet!

  2. Kirk Miller says:

    The gambler is starting to fret
    Because he is deeply in debt.
    Went to Gamblers Anon;
    Said the bettor named Don,
    “Do I want to quit gambling? You bet!”

  3. Jon Gearhart says:

    The musician would constantly fret
    That his music was sampled to get
    A “new” song from his work
    For some cheap rapper jerk
    Who could not craft a tune on a bet

  4. Perry Plouff says:

    I took a long drive to Pomfret,
    In central Connecticut, yet
    Their few thousand folks,
    And some pines and some oaks
    Mean they don’t need me. They’re all set.

  5. Jon Gearhart says:

    Don’t you let yourself worry or fret
    On past choices you made. Don’t regret
    On how things might have been
    Could you do them again;
    Just move on having learned from them, pet.

  6. Byron Ives says:

    I kissed her then started to fret
    I’m thinking I might lose this bet
    My betting friend Tim
    Swore this gal was a him
    And this bulge I feel’s making me sweat

  7. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was told not to fret
    ‘Bout a horse as fast as a jet
    The horse it did sway
    On a wet track one day
    To his bookie he owed a huge debt.

  8. John Sardo says:

    A woman who tended to fret
    Her pill she should never forget
    Now to her dismay
    She’s in a bad way
    Was it Tom, Dick, Harry or Brett.

  9. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who tended to fret
    Had a girl about to beget
    He had a great day
    But now he can’t say
    Was it the blond, red head or brunette.

  10. Byron Miller says:

    The head waiter was starting to fret;
    How many complaints could he get?
    He’d already had thirty
    For forks that were dirty:
    The evening was going fourchette.

  11. Don Lee says:

    A woman who tended to fret
    when her hair in the rain got wet
    looked like an old hag
    but her tail did wag
    with a pretty new rain bonnet.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    He was told by the doctor: “Don’t fret;
    Though it’s fatal, there’s time enough yet
    To take care of my bill –
    Sign this cheque, if you will”,
    And he died while the ink was still wet.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    She was broke, and beginning to fret,
    So she thought that to pay off her debt
    She could rent out her cat,
    But the problem with that
    Was her sign that said “Pussy to let”.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    “There is really no reason to fret,
    Your retriever is fine,” said the vet,
    “But I fear you are not,
    For your nose is quite hot
    When it ought to be chilly and wet.”

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    “Oh, you brute, you have fingered my fret”
    Said the lady guitarist, upset.
    She impaled with her plectrum
    The trespasser’s rectum.
    He hasn’t retrieved it as yet.

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    The family started to fret
    When old Grandpa behaved like a pet.
    He would croak like a frog,
    Then he’d bark like a dog,
    So they had him put down by the vet.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo would panic and fret
    Whenever she travelled by jet.
    “I’m alarmed by those things
    That are stuck on the wings –
    If it rains, won’t the engines get wet?”

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman had tended to fret
    On problems she didn’t have yet
    Till she met a guy
    And stopped being shy
    It was for her, indeed, kismet.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman had tended to fret
    Her mind was her only asset.
    Till a guy made her feel pretty,
    And so desired and witty,
    And to his life, a great asset!

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman had tended to fret
    Unless her machines were preset.
    A cell phone or computer-
    You might as well just shoot her.
    She only knew to press “reset”.

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman had tended to fret
    Some vitamins she would forget-
    But they do keep her mind sharp
    So silly for her to harp!
    She hasn’t left out any yet!

  22. rbasler says:

    This Cockney delivered a fret
    To a guy he said owed him a debt
    “If you fink it’s a joke
    “Fink again,” said the bloke
    “I will shoot you wiffout a regret!

  23. Jon Gearhart says:

    The guitarist continued to fret
    As he worked on his favorite set.
    His fond memories lingered
    On his wood that he fingered
    On stage, while fans screamed at the Met.

  24. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Christmas Pleasents

    A woman who tended to fret
    Over things she knew she would get
    For Christmas each year
    Like a cuddly bear
    Texted all offenders a threat

  25. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Ferdinand Next

    A woman who tended to ‘fret’
    Over things she knew she’d ‘forget’
    Like shutting the gas
    Away on the bus
    Thought: ” Fred is in bed I ‘regret’

    She lived in southern England wher bus
    Is spoken as ‘bas’.

  26. Byron Ives says:

    I knew I might have cause to fret
    When I hit on the sharp-tongued Jeanette
    So I bragged of my riches
    She said, “Look fancy britches”
    You can blow it right out your asset

  27. Byron Ives says:

    They told me I’d no cause to fret
    When I went to see French Chef Collette
    She cooked me a meal
    Then disrobed to reveal
    Where she kept warm the longish baguette

  28. Tom Harris says:

    For hours old Tom would just fret,
    Get angry, morose and upset
    Over matters quite small,
    Or nothing at all.
    A waste of time he’d later regret.

  29. Byron Ives says:

    Mr. Favre told his players, “Don’t fret
    We’re down by eight points, but I’m BRETT.
    We’ve less than a minute
    But we’re gonna win it,
    As soon as I sext that brunette

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    No bread, and they started to fret –
    Not so much as a stale baguette!
    “Well, they know how to bake;
    Let them simply eat cake”,
    Said the helpful Marie-Antoinette.

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    Zelick Menelovich said:

    “She lived in southern England wher bus
    Is spoken as ‘bas’.”

    Errr … which part of Southern England, Zelick? Everyone I know in England lives in the South, and they all say “bUs”.

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    The muezzin tended to fret
    As he stood on the high minaret.
    “Though six dozen virgins
    Would see to my urgings,
    The dying part? Thanks, but not yet.”

  33. Val Fish says:

    A woman was starting to fret
    Oh if only she could forget
    That one night stand
    She hadn’t planned
    But Auntie Flo’s not arrived yet

  34. Phyllis L says:

    A woman who tended to fret
    Said, “For Bible class I am not set.
    I get all confused
    By words that are used,
    Like ‘thou didst’ and ‘he doth’ and ‘beget’.”

  35. Sally Franz says:

    A baker who tended to fret
    Also tended to often forget
    He was making his will
    and is worried still
    how to bequeath his baguette

  36. Val Fish says:

    The woman had reason to fret
    She’d done something rash for a bet
    Her spectacular boob
    Was now out on You Tube
    With ten thousand hits as of yet

  37. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    Republicans don’t seem to fret
    There’s no Surgeon General yet
    Eleven months passed
    Since Congress was asked
    To confirm Murthy. Still they beset

    Why can’t we give Congress a nudge
    It’s her stance on guns that they judge
    Shootings impact our health
    But gun advocate wealth
    Sways Congress- so they just won’t budge

    With Americans starting to fret
    About Ebola being a real threat
    Budget cuts, all obscene
    Have now stalled a vaccine
    VOTE THEM OUT-How much WORSE can this get?

  38. Tim James says:

    A trapeze artist tended to fret
    ‘Cause as partners he only could get
    Gals named Nancy and Claire.
    As he spun through the air,
    He so wanted to work with Annette.

  39. Jon Gearhart says:

    The King in his castle did fret
    When his Queen took a lover, and yet
    He quickly decided
    Since she had been knighted,
    He could crown anything hot and wet.

  40. Kirk Miller says:

    If you’re horny, you don’t have to fret.
    Simply tell me; you’ll have no regret.
    You’ve a fire down below?
    I’ll be fireman. You know
    I will find you real hot, leave you wet.

  41. Brian Allgar says:

    His assignment was making him fret;
    The washing-machine had been set,
    But it seemed a bit funny
    To launder the money –
    He feared it would come out all wet.

  42. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman had started to fret
    That they’d cancelled her trip to Phukhet
    But by some stroke of luck it
    Was listed as “fuck it”
    That dumb clerk will get it right yet.

  43. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now Boris was starting to fret.
    He had problems while surfing the net
    And each time he’d login
    It messed with his noggin
    The pop-up kept saying “Not nyet”.”.

  44. Eyes and Ears

    At the opera, Mame started to fret
    That she may have misplaced her lorgnette,
    But the music she heard
    Sounded really absurd!
    Was that 8-track or maybe cassette?

  45. Brian Allgar says:

    The cannibal started to fret:
    “My digestion is badly upset;
    I’ve acute diarrhoea
    Since Thursday – I fear
    That it must have been someone I ate.”

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a young, single man who will fret
    At a wedding; quite nervous he’ll get.
    When the bride says, “I do,”
    He will always feel blue
    ‘Cause to him it’s a veiled threat.

  47. Dawn Epstein says:

    A woman intended to fret
    When her husband brought home a Corvette
    But she soon was elated
    For the car had inflated
    His under-extended pipette.

  48. Jon Gearhart says:

    Fingers press the right string to each fret;
    Strumming lightly, our love song you’ll get.
    Such melodious tones
    Harmonize with your moans
    As I tickle your G-string, my pet.

  49. Saint Augustine woke in a fret
    From a dream that he couldn’t forget.
    He fell to his knees
    To ejaculate, “Please
    Give me chastity, Lord — but not yet!”

  50. Kirk Miller says:

    If the turf on your lawn dies, don’t fret.
    Simply go to a sod farm. I’ll bet
    They will have what you need.
    You don’t have to plant seed.
    Instant grassification you’ll get.

  51. Though Republicans claim that they fret
    At the size of the National Debt,
    Just promise one more
    Irresistible war
    And observe how excited they get.

  52. Byron Ives says:

    I asked Great Grandma, “Don’t you fret?
    You can’t ‘member the minuet?”
    She said, “Listen here, dude,
    I can’t think who I screwed,
    Let alone all the men that I et.”

  53. Byron Ives says:

    His new URL made him fret
    His online pen business was set
    He looked twice at the name
    Felt a slight twinge of shame
    ‘Cause it read:

  54. Fred Bortz says:

    The traveler started to fret
    Whether he should come home from Tibet.
    He was eager to pack,
    But grew fond of a yak,
    And his lease won’t allow for a pet.

  55. Dr. Goose says:

    The general public may fret
    That Ebola is easy to get,
    Prompting panicky pleas
    To many MDs,
    And occasional calls to the vet.

  56. Jon Gearhart says:

    E-bola has caused me to fret
    And be fearful while surfing the net.
    And though I’m aware
    Of this new viral scare
    Norton says my PC’s ok yet!

  57. Dr. Goose says:

    Republicans typically fret
    ‘Bout the size of the national debt,
    While Krugman explains
    That according to Keynes,
    “It hasn’t hurt anyone yet.”

  58. Dr. Goose says:

    Putin will frequently fret:
    “I wish we were still Soviet.
    It was better by far
    In the USSR;
    Is democracy pref’rable? Nyet.”

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    A fellow was starting to fret
    That his memr’y was starting to get
    A bit odd now and then,
    Especially when
    He forgot what he hoped to forget.

  60. Allen Wilcox says:

    The villagers started to fret
    That they might have too much to regret.
    But they found that the food
    Was so good that their mood
    Was transformed by the feast of Babette.

  61. Allen Wilcox says:

    The husband was starting to fret
    That his wife was displaying regret.
    When he asked her for clarity,
    She replied, “I’d like parity.
    You should give quite as good as you get.”

  62. Allen Wilcox says:

    A dog-lover started to fret
    About contracting fleas from his pet.
    While petting his bitch,
    He started to itch,
    So he took himself down to the vet.

  63. Mark Kane says:

    After decades of anguish and fret,
    The rabbis proclaimed: “You’re all set!”
    For an Orthodox Jew,
    After all she’d been through,
    There is nothing as good as a ‘Get.’

    Note: For Orthodox Jews, without a ‘Get,’ no matter how long the couple is separated, and no matter how many civil documents they may have in their file cabinet, in the eyes of Jewish law the couple is still 100% married. The ‘Get’ procedure is performed in front of a rabbinical court consisting of three rabbis.

  64. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 185.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Gored By Limericks.