Limerick Crack (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow tripped over a crack…*


A fellow was starting to crack…*


A gal made a terrible crack…*


A man who was taking a crack…*


A woman was trying to crack…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Crack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mrs. Grace tripped and fell on a crack,
Throwing shoulders and back out of whack.
This was witnessed by guys
Who began to crack wise:
“On balance, it’s grace that you lack.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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70 Responses to “Limerick Crack (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Richard Diakun says:

    A fella whose trou showed his crack
    was seemingly taken aback.
    He said, “It’s the pits
    when chicks show their tits!”
    He though too much cleavage was slack.

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    While Mark Hamill was trying to crack
    Into showbiz some 40 years back,
    Met the love of his life
    Who became his young wife–
    That’s the broad that stroked Mark Hamill’s sac!

  3. Jon Gearhart says:

    Record labels give new groups a crack.
    Stack the audience, front, middle, and back,
    So they get good reviews
    In the Rock Tour news
    With their clique that is also their claque.


  4. Fred Bortz says:

    Their antics begin with the crack
    Of a whip, then full frontal attack.
    And when they are done
    With that S&M fun,
    They start in again from the back.

  5. Kirk Miller says:

    In the kitchen, came ants through the crack,
    So the homeowner tried to fight back.
    The Formica he sprayed;
    Their advance was delayed.
    Then the ants made a counter-attack.

  6. Jon Gearhart says:

    Saw your mama out pedaling crack
    On the street near the dog racing track.
    Such a fugly old beast
    On her Schwinn pedaling east
    With her butt hanging out in the back.

  7. Jon Gearhart says:

    Sexual stresses could cause you to crack
    When you’re called to perform in the sack.
    If you can’t raise your todger
    To give her a roger,
    You’ll soon know of a lass and a lack.

  8. The children were taken aback
    while playing “Don’t step on the crack!”
    thinking they were to blame
    when their mom became lame—
    for throwing her back out of whack!

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The dentist made many a crack
    Concerning his hygienist’s rack.
    He was put in his place
    With a punch in the face;
    Now his teeth are displayed on her plaque.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The schoolboy was dealing his crack
    In the playground, and made quite a stack.
    He was not even six
    When he got his first fix
    From the teacher who gave him the smack.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    My life is beginning to crack,
    And the future looks horribly black.
    They had told me my job’s
    “In the bag”, but the slobs
    Say the word they intended was “sack”.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    In desperate need of some crack,
    The hooker appealed to her mack.
    “If you gimme a fix
    I’ll turn twenty more tricks,
    And a freebie by way of kickback.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    I’ve made many efforts to crack
    Modern art, but it all seems to lack
    Any meaning or sense;
    You may think that I’m dense,
    But to me, it is just bric-à-Braque.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    My mansion developed a crack
    And it ran from the front to the back.
    Now the walls have all crumbled,
    The roofing has tumbled –
    What’s left is no more than a shack.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker said “Buddy, whick crack?
    Either way, I am hot in the sack,
    And I charge fifty bucks
    For a guy who just fucks,
    But it’s double to go round the back.”

  16. Phyllis L says:

    A woman was trying to crack
    The code for a game, and her hack
    Almost got it solved
    But it was involved
    And soon to square one she was back.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    The burglar was trying to crack
    A big safe, but he hadn’t the knack,
    For he was moronic,
    The safe electronic;
    His hacksaw – goddam! – wouldn’t hack.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was trying to crack
    The puzzle of her lover’s knack
    Of making her heart soar,
    Was it genuine, or
    Just getting her into the sack?

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal made a justified crack
    “This doctor is indeed a quack!
    This incompetent jerk
    Diagnosis guesswork!
    His brainless head, I’d like to whack!”

  20. ytcai says:

    The cable guy sported his crack
    While adjusting the wires in back
    It commenced to unfold
    When the vertical hold
    Got bent over to service loose Jack

  21. Don Lee says:

    A fellow started to crack
    when peace of mind he did lack
    as suddenly from out of the blue
    came a bolt as what he should do
    lighten up, chill out and cut himself some slack

  22. ytcai says:

    Too stoned from smoking up crack
    Tarry crashed Dad’s new Cadillac
    Ran into Mickey Dees
    For an asphalt n cheese
    So high he overshot the Tar-Mac

  23. Byron Ives says:

    She knew I’d eventually crack
    “Now bring me a testicle back”
    To the deli I go
    I returned. Said, “Hello?”
    I’d been left holding the sack

  24. Don Lee says:

    A man who was taking a crack
    at improving uncle Ray’s Big Mac
    tried adding salsa and spinach
    with hopes of hola and pinache
    found the taste he couldn’t hack.

  25. John Sardo says:

    A gal made a terrible crack
    While humping a guy in the sack.
    “I forgot my control”
    Yet continued to roll.
    It went slack and it wouldn’t go back.

  26. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was starting to crack
    Escaping from a torture rack
    His magic didn’t work
    And he felt like a jerk.
    Instead of Houdini he’s only Sad Sack.

  27. John Sardo says:

    A fellow tripped over a crack
    Running through a forest track
    He got to his feet
    Sent his girlfriend a tweet,
    “A whack in the sac may hold me back.”

  28. Diane Groothuis says:

    A dancer was trying to crack
    Arole in “Le cygne du lac”
    But the swan flew away
    Just turning to say
    “The trouble with me is I’m black

  29. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was snorting some crack
    Obtained from a dude down the back
    Of a very fast lane
    And was heard to complain
    “I’m afraid that your crack is worth Jack

  30. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow tripped over a crack,
    Which caused him to land with a thwack.
    This unabashed nut
    Took a look at his butt;
    Said, “I cracked it!” (Aww. Cut him some slack.)

  31. rbasler says:

    Our repairman’s protruding butt-crack
    Seemed to start in the midst of his back
    He was bending so low,
    And had so much to show,
    I was glad that I had a thumbtack….

  32. Byron Ives says:

    I won’t let the Doc near my crack
    Let alone these two nuts in my sack
    These two boys by my thighs
    I WILL NOT compromise
    Well, ahem, ‘less my wife gives me flack…..

  33. RIch D says:

    A walnut that refused to crack
    I gave up and put the thing back
    These nutcracker tools
    that turn us fools
    Unless you somehow have the knack

  34. RIch D says:

    Poor Arnold was starting to crack
    As guv’nuh they cut him no slack
    He diddled the help
    and got him a whelp
    and then he said “Baby, I’m back!”

  35. RIch D says:

    Oh mama, I stepped on a crack
    Sorry about your poor back
    I’s so busy talking
    didn’t see where I’s walking
    could’ja go make me a snack?

  36. Jen Harris says:

    If as Mayor, your habit is crack
    And the whole world is giving you flack
    Continued derangement?
    A quick rearrangement –
    Your brother will pick up the slack.

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    Under pressures of life, some folks crack.
    Their reality gets thrown off track.
    They must find ways to cope.
    At the end of their rope,
    There’s a loophole, but that won’t help jack!

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    My finances starting to crack
    Bark balances not in the black
    I said to my kid
    ‘Is this what you did?
    I think you’re a com.pu-ter hack”

  39. old dad says:

    A fellow tripped over a crack
    On the Great Wall of China .. alack!
    Twas a downward incline,
    On which he went fline,
    And it took him an hour to get back.

  40. yt cai says:

    With a strap she started to crack
    The bare skin of her lover’s back
    After so many belts
    A red array of welts
    That their S & M sex life was whack

  41. yt cai says:

    At role play they gave it a crack
    Bought Pampers and some Similac
    But when he sucked his thumb
    And the bonnet looked dumb
    The lasting image has her on Prozac

  42. Colonialist says:

    A fellow tripped over a crack
    Whenever he tried for the knack
    Of being a clown:
    Repartee let him down,
    So, re party, his trick is off track.

    A burglar was failing to crack
    A safe that, on dial, had a lack
    Of numbers; instead,
    Chinese could be read,
    Which one has to start from the back.

  43. Now THAT was a most hurtful crack…
    …And the reason you called me a quack?
    I’m not God, don’t you know;
    I can’t make your thing grow –
    Have your wife help you take up the thwack!

  44. Jon Gearhart says:

    This ought to make me popular…

    Their defenses are starting to crack
    And now we might have to go back
    ‘Cause we acted in haste;
    All past efforts made waste
    When we pulled out too fast from Iraq.

  45. “So what if the aquifers crack,
    And the water turns smelly and black?
    So what if we’re killing
    The earth with our drilling?
    We honestly don’t give a frack!”


    Through the window they went. In the >CRACK!<
    Of the TASER, the kids in the back
    Saw policemen take action
    Against the infraction
    That's known as "Existing While Black".

  47. Dear Jon — sometimes war is akin
    To a diff’rent, more popular sin:
    How soon you pull out
    Isn’t what it’s about —
    It’s the fact that you ever went in!

    — also —

    The Status of Forces Agreement
    Bush swore was a solid as cee-ment.
    Now Nouri al-Maliki
    (Getting all colicky)
    Swears that that wasn’t what *he* meant…

  48. Jon Gearhart says:

    Fighting war is just like smoking crack
    Once you’ve started you can’t take it back.
    It was crazy to go in
    But we did and now so in
    The long run we’re responsible, jack.

  49. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    My woody snapped off with a crack.
    “That is not what I meant by a ‘whack’!”
    “Can we glue it back on?”
    “No, it’s (sob) truly gone—
    Now I’ve naught but a lass and a lack.”

  50. Jon Gearhart says:

    Konrad Schwoerke just posted a crack
    About having a lass and a lack.
    It’s funny to do it
    But I beat him to it
    By posting this line 4 days back. :-)

  51. Allen Wilcox says:

    If you try to avoid ev’ry crack
    In the sidewalk, you’ll injure your back.
    What a price you will pay
    For compulsive display.
    Will therapy get you on track?

  52. Jon Gearhart says:

    There’s some nut that balls Geppetto’s crack
    With the wood that he carves in his shack.
    The hole story goes
    That Pinocchio nose,
    Butt he lies so Geppetto poles back.

  53. Jon Gearhart says:

    Like most guys, don’t think twice when I wise crack
    About blonds that like pedalling their guys’ crack
    On a Schwinn down back streets
    To where each John she meats
    Gets the first taste for free from her fly’s crack.

  54. Jon Gearhart says:


    Please change L5 from nice crack to fly’s crack.

    (Note from Mad Kane: Done!)

  55. Allen Wilcox says:

    The dentist discovered a crack
    In a tooth that was way in the back.
    He said its small size
    Wouldn’t win me a prize,
    But he gave me a plaque for my plaque.

  56. Allen Wilcox says:

    A pool player tried making a crack
    That proved that he didn”t know jack.
    To the girl he opposed,
    He unwisely proposed,
    “Why not rack them all up with your rack.”

  57. John Armstrong says:

    Sherlock was trying to crack
    A brilliant cyber attack
    No dancing men
    More mighty was the pen
    That created limericks stack after stack

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    Two stanzas

    His mom was aware he used crack,
    But she said when he moved on to smack,
    “You’re a dope using dope.
    I’ve given up hope.
    Now you leave and don’t ever come back.”

    Gave up smack as he’d given up crack.
    Went cold turkey holed up in a shack,
    He fixed what ws wrong,
    Wrote his mother a song,
    “Don’t ever say never come back.”

  59. Tim James says:

    In Chaucerian mode…

    A gallant olde knyghte took a crack
    At slaying a dragon. Alack!
    For the fyre-breathing beest,
    In the mood for a feest,
    Made the fellow a well-toasted snack.

  60. Byron Ives says:

    Two skunks heard a loud rifle crack
    They both knew the hunter was back
    The first skunk said
    While he lowered his head,
    “Let us spray, if there’s an attack”

  61. Byron Ives says:

    “William Joseph said give you a crack
    For the moolah that you ain’t paid back.
    You ain’t got too long.
    Don’t sing me no song,
    Cuz it’s owed to Billy Joe, Mack.”

  62. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A poll had this poser to crack
    (On a vexillological tack):
    “Purely based on the flair
    Of its flag, you’d live where?”
    Top was Britain with Union Jack.

    (I normally adhere to the (possibly incorrect) convention that “Union Jack” is only for naval usage; otherwise it’s “Union Flag”. Oh, and I belong to the nerdy flag group that held the poll.)

  63. Johanna Richmond says:

    Bottom-line, your selected word “crack”
    Has me itching, by god, to talk smack!
    Poised to bring in the rear,
    I may butt in right here
    With this cheeky announcement: I’m baaaccckk!

  64. Byron Ives says:

    My windshield just suffered a crack
    From a dove with a now broken back,
    Broken wing, beak, and neck
    So I thought, what the heck
    So I skinned him a grilled me a snack

  65. Byron Ives says:

    His boxers were stuck in his crack
    A Fruit-Of-The-Loom rectal attack
    But being a twerp
    He inverted a burp
    And probably just left a track

  66. Byron Ives says:

    Oops, crap! it’s too late, but Mad please correct that last line of my dove limerick to say:

    So I skinned him and grilled me a snack


  67. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    My mouth is shut tight—not a crack—
    Till my dentist can prove he’s no hack.
    Then I see his degree
    On the wall, and then we
    Each say “Ah!” at the other one’s plaque.

  68. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    … Hope Brian Allgar doesn’t mind my riffing on his excellent pun!

  69. Byron Ives says:

    In grooming, therein lies a crack
    His mullet goes down to his back
    He’s stuck in the eighties
    So both of his ladies
    Are inflatable dolls in his shack

  70. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 184.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Fretting About Limericks.