Limerick Strips (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who frequently strips…*

or

A man was enjoying some strips…*

or

A woman who often outstrips…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Strips
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A waitress who often outstrips
Her co-workers in earning big tips
Had some tips for the guys
And the women: “Be wise.
Read my lips. Move your ass. Shake your hips.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

51 Responses to “Limerick Strips (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. kaykuala says:

    A man was enjoying some strips
    Original cartoons he used to quip
    A collector’s fare
    Some quite rare
    Secured a few from change alley trips

    Hank

  2. Alan Hochbaum says:

    A double D woman who strips
    From the stage would show off her backflips
    But upon her dismount
    Her oglers could count
    A fresh set of tucks and new nips.

  3. Fred Bortz says:

    In Whitechapel, London, are strips
    Of sidewalk renowned for the slips
    In the guts and the gore
    Of a dismembered whore
    By the first to discover Jack’s rips.

  4. Fred Bortz says:

    An ecdysiast’s someone who strips.
    An amnesiac’s memory slips.
    So it isn’t absurd
    To close with this word:
    A Limeriast makes five-line quips.

  5. Dean Geier says:

    A man was enjoying some strips.
    He loved when that flesh passed his lips.
    At the gent’s club buffet
    They had BACON today.
    Now, BEHAVE you silly ol’ pips!

  6. Mark Kane says:

    This gymnast, she now also strips,
    Once learning the value of tips.
    They’ll delight in her tumbling,
    But you’ll hear some grumbling,
    If she leaves out her naked back flips.

  7. This whisky’s so strong that it strips
    The maritime paint off o’ ships.
    Try a tiny amount –
    You’ll be down for the count
    From the moment it touches your lips.

  8. Frank Brusca says:

    A man was enjoying some strips
    While munching some barbeque crisps.
    He said, “I can’t really take it
    When Lucy again fakes it.
    It’s awful when Charlie Brown trips.”

  9. This dancer is fun: when she strips,
    She gyrates and swivels her hips;
    Her boobs (as she sways)
    Travel different ways,
    But return in a perfect ellipse.

  10. (This one’s cheating… but it does end the first line with s-l-i-p-s!)

    She MEANT “kiss my ass” — put his lips
    In a pucker down south of her hips.
    But you can’t use the line
    “Where the sun doesn’t shine”
    In the midst of a total eclipse.

  11. And I retract that one, because I drew a blank on the rhyme word. Lack of sleep, sorry.

  12. Kirk Miller says:

    The reporters were at some air strips
    Where they videotaped some news clips.
    All the skydivers there
    Would descend through the air.
    “We all chute from the hip,” each man quips.

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    A man was enjoying some strips
    Of bacon: he smiled; smacked his lips.
    But not to risk cancer,
    Prevention’s the answer.
    He knew he must cease and desist.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A man was enjoying some strips
    Editorial comics were his favorites!
    But it wasn’t just vanity,
    To keep his sanity,
    He knew had to avoid politics!

  15. Rob Pivarnik says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    Deals with more than just drunks and rude quips:
    Those damned dollar coins
    Won’t stay lodged in her loins,
    And pasty glue irritates nips.

  16. Tim James says:

    Said a woman who frequently strips
    To a man who tried fondling her nips:
    “When my clothing I doff
    You just keep your hands off!”
    With that concept he can’t come to grips.

  17. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    Has her troubles avoiding men’s grips.
    When the gent perched up front
    Grabs her butt, she will grunt,
    “There’s no touching!” She spins. “Read my lips.”

  18. John Sardo says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    Set a record for fastest unzips.
    She thinks it’s real cool
    As guys drool at the pool.
    When she dips her thong slips from her hips.

  19. John Sardo says:

    A man was enjoying some strips
    At a pool where gals showed their hips
    His wife grabbed his ear
    His eyes widened in fear
    When she said “old man come to grips.”

  20. colonialist says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    To look at her boobs and her hips,
    Declared with dismay,
    ‘With each passing day
    My tucks and nips look more like blips!’

  21. Dawn Epstein says:

    A man who was driving a truck
    Was stuck in the deep Fenway muck.
    Awfully untoward,
    With the Dropkicks aboard –
    All were saved by Red Sox in a Duck!

  22. John Ramos says:

    An exporter of fine chicken strips
    Hatched a plan to fill several more ships:
    “We’ll add just a smidgen
    Of popcorn-fed pigeon
    And the dust of recycled wood chips.”

  23. rbasler says:

    A woman who frequently strips…
    Chose a name that would roll off the lips
    Naughty? A tad…
    She’s Miss Scanta-Lee Clad
    She spends hours just counting her tips!

  24. Ira Bloom says:

    A drag queen who frequently strips,
    As she lip-syncs and wriggles her hips,
    Says “My Tina’s alright,
    But I’d do Gladys Night,
    If I just had a couple of Pips.”

  25. John Ramos says:

    An arrangement of sticky fly strips
    Overhung an assortment of dips.
    The frogs gathered round,
    All tuxedoed and gowned,
    And smacked their amphibious lips.

  26. Tom Harris says:

    The old floozy frequently strips
    After some wine, just a few sips.
    Clad in a G-string,
    She’ll go trolling for bling
    With her sagging boobs and wrinkled hips.

  27. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    Cigars from men’s mouths with her whips
    When taking a rest
    Is truly a pest
    Raising nips to her lips as she rips

  28. Dawn Epstein says:

    A woman was making film strips
    Of the hybrid solar eclipse
    She woke late– it was done!
    So to block out the sun
    She made her own moon with her hips.

  29. yt cai says:

    A woman who reads comic strips
    About Gladys Knight and her Pips
    Just how low would she stoop
    To obtain the group’s poop?
    Took a midnight train for loose lips

  30. John Ramos says:

    Roaring up and back down the mall strips,
    Ponch and Jon lost their sanity grips.
    Said another old cop,
    “Well, they’re not gonna stop,
    So it’s time to block off the old CHiPs.”

  31. Ira Bloom says:

    A mohel, while pealing some strips,
    During bris, is well known for his quips:
    “For cheap circumcision,
    There’s lots of derision.
    I mostly just work for the tips.”

  32. (Sorry, Ira; I’m stealing from you a little!)

    She teases us more than she strips;
    The boys keep on hoping she slips.
    Her music tonight
    Is some old Gladys Knight,
    But we’d kill for a glimpse of her Pips.

  33. I know of a rose bush that strips
    Each night for the aphids and thrips.
    You’ll say, “Will’s lost his mind;
    Bushes can’t bump and grind!”
    Well, rose bushes can. They’ve got hips.

  34. John Ramos says:

    The Mae dug some stellar mine strips
    With her shovel and diamond drill tips;
    But with the upgrade,
    A decision was made
    To let the Mae fall where she chips.

  35. Andy Sewina says:

    Nicely done Mad, love the last line!

  36. Andy Sewina says:

    A woman that frequently strips
    to avoid the pick pocket dips
    She finds herself cold
    in winter I’m told
    But covers her tatties and nips

  37. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    “How much to mow my nature strip?”
    Said a woman to gardener Flip
    “Ten bucks is my fee”
    He said, “and for free
    I’ll give under your arms a nice clip.”

  38. scott says:

    a woman who frequently strips
    in CGI video clips
    will steal all your cache
    and your hard drive will crash
    from her implanted silicon chips

  39. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    This old whore these days seldom strips
    With boobs hanging down to her hips
    She’s now old and hoary
    In each wrinkle a story
    Of Seaman from visiting ships.

  40. Johanna Richmond says:

    Nicole paid a fortune for strips
    Of cadaver to plump up her lips.
    Now the thought of her head
    Makes her hubby go dead –
    Try a stiff upper lip, Mr. Dips!

  41. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    My bathroom needs anti-skid strips,
    A safety mat, grab bars, and grips.
    Gotta write down that list
    Because—you get the gist—
    My other head’s memory slips.

  42. Craig says:

    She seeks men at the club where she strips,
    To indulge her asphyxiate trips.
    She says “Here’s what you do:
    Grasp my throat ’til I’m blue.”
    Yes, she really likes coming to grips.

  43. Sallona Ramesh says:

    A woman who often outstrips,
    All others in eating fried chips
    Was in a bit of a mess
    She felt squeezed in her dress
    But couldnt move for the fear that it rips.

  44. John Armstrong says:

    I enjoy reading the comic strips
    Whether puns, guffaws, or deadly quips
    The drawings and art
    are often very smart
    On newsprint, please no microchips

  45. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    Was a dancer for stockmarket tips.
    While she’d shake & she’d shimmy,
    A trader named Jimmy
    Would say what to buy on the dips.

  46. Dr. Goose says:

    The woman who frequently strips
    Was an expert at buttons and clips.
    When she undid her clasp,
    The men would all gasp
    And hope that she’d pull down the zips.

  47. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who frequently strips
    As one of the world-famous “Chips”
    Was found in flagrante
    While in the full Monty,
    Collecting the wrong sort of tips.

  48. Dr. Goose says:

    To make hay in the joint where she strips, she
    Commutes on the train from Poughkeepsie,
    And rakes in the cash
    As the fellows get smashed;
    To get tips she needs customers tipsy.

  49. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who frequently strips
    Tattooed herself down to her tips,
    Though the inking was more so
    Adorning her torso,
    And less so on each of her hips.

  50. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who frequently strips
    Entertains on those seafaring ships
    On cruises where chicks
    Can get all their kicks,
    And then return home with sealed lips.

  51. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 139.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lax Limerick.