Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SUIT/PURSUIT at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 24, 2020 )

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SUIT/PURSUIT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to NEIGHBORS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best NEIGHBOR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 25, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 24, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SUIT/PURSUIT-rhyme limerick:

I’m fazed by my ex’s new phase:
He’ll stare at a puzzle for days.
It’s a puzzling pursuit
For a scatter-brained brute…
Though he DOES do it sprawled on a chaise.

And here’s my two-verse NEIGHBORS-themed limerick:

I was playing a Beethoven piece,
When a neighbor upstairs called the p’lice.
“She’s too loud. I can’t sleep,”
She complained. “I could weep.
She is breaching the peace. Make her cease!”

“It’s an odd time to sleep,” said the cop.
“You can hardly expect her to stop
Playing piano so soon.
It is mid-afternoon…
And be grateful she ain’t playing pop.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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189 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SUIT/PURSUIT at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 24, 2020 )”

  1. Bruce W. Alter says:

    I went to the men’s clothing stores
    To replace the dress-ups I had wore.
    You see, my old suit
    Fit not my patoot
    And split so you could see my drawers.

  2. Bob Turvey says:

    A climber, in bed in Argyle,
    Once heard his girl say, with a smile,
    “It really would suit,
    If you’d take off each boot;
    I’m afraid that they’re crampon your style.”

  3. Mike Sullivan says:

    The triplet heirs were baseball fans to boot
    They needed help with their legal dispute
    Their lawyer was top rank. He
    Was a former New York Yankee
    And thus he filed a three piece pinstriped suit.

  4. Tony Holmes says:

    Sev’ral officers joined the pursuit
    Of a man they described as, “Hirsute.”
    He’d been glimpsed, in the park,
    Chasing girls after dark,
    One of whom said, “I thought he was cute.”

  5. Paul Haebig says:

    Long after our water was poured
    the waiter appeared, looking bored.
    “I can tell by your suit
    the specials are moot;
    there’s nothing that you could afford.”

  6. Charles Simmons says:

    There once was a jolly old fart
    Whose fashions were state of the art
    He had enough loot
    To buy any suit
    But he bought his clothes from Kmart.

  7. Terry Marter says:

    Described as hirsute but not cute,
    he had just robbed a bank in a suit.
    A policeman named Gough,
    very quickly took off
    In pursuit of hirsute with the loot!

  8. Terry Marter says:

    An English route is From there to Here.

    “Root” in U.S. is Cheer or a Beer.

    A “Whistle & Flute”

    in London’s your Suit,

    but in Oz “root” is sex with a peer.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    “They call me a crook and a brute,
    But it seems that they don’t give a hoot
    For Obama’s great crime –
    The guy should do time
    For wearing that tan-coloured suit!”

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    Denzel strode in and unzipped his suit,
    Held his manhood at ready to shoot.
    Doctor looked, “Well, what’s wrong?”
    Denzel smiled at his dong;
    “Not a thing, Doc, I think it’s a beaut’!”

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    Twof’

    Make your neighbours think, “Man of repute!”
    At all times wear your whistle and flute.
    Be it night-time or day,
    Should they happen your way,
    Set the tone and they’ll all follow suit.

  12. Cyn says:

    There once was a woman from Butte
    whose shaved head a suitor thought cute
          until she undressed
          and he found all the rest
    of her body completely hirsute.

  13. Cyn says:

    Said the serpent to Woman, “Dispute
    what you’ve heard of the forbidden fruit.”
          She ate then stood staring
          at what Man wasn’t wearing,
    so excited he dared follow suit.

  14. Terry Marter says:

    Wrote a limerick ’bout my favourite fruit,
    and got stuck for a word that would suit.
    It drove me insane,
    as I laboured in vain,
    but no word I could find rhymed with Orange!

  15. Terry Marter says:

    When my neighbour drank all his wife’s gin
    his chance of survival was thin.
    She diced up the fool
    with a very sharp tool,
    but he still wouldn’t fit in the bin!

  16. Terry Marter says:

    My neighbour, old hag Elise Grable
    sold dodgy furs bred in her stable.
    She lost any merit,
    when she crossed her pet ferret
    with a beautiful Mink and prized Sable.

  17. Cyn says:

    A thief at Lim’rick Institute
    made off with the lim’rickers’ fruit.
          Tho the thief dressed in orange,
          he was not found by four eng-
    ineers who took up the pursuit.

  18. ‘Twas the ugliest baby I’d seen
    But I can’t bring myself to be mean
    So in a neighborly way
    I just heard myself say
    “Wow! THAT is a baby—I MEAN!”

    *****

    He stands ramrod-straight, sober, mute
    But don’t fool yourself, he’s in pursuit
    Of potentials to line up—
    Yep, here’s where you sign up–
    And, voila,you’re a soldier, recruit!

    *****

    ‘Twas the wrinkliest baby I’d seen
    But I can’t bring myself to be mean!
    So in a neighborly way
    I just heard myself say–
    “My goodness! She looks like a Queen!”
    *****

  19. Terry Marter says:

    My neighbour popped ‘round for a chat,
    – saw the Hole, near where I sadly sat.
    (me)“My dead Fish – I will miss”
    (him)“- big hole for a fish!?”
    I said “That’s ‘cos it’s inside your cat!

  20. Cyn says:

    The cops inquired, “Are you aware
    you’ve got slashes and blood on your chair?”
          Said I, “My old sabre
          I loaned to my neighbor.
    Check with him as to how this got there.”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    We turn up our music real loud.
    Our dancing is great; makes us proud.
    The new neighbor knocked;
    Prob’ly loved how we rocked.
    Guess he asked all those cops, “Join the crowd!!).

  22. Cyn says:

    “My neighbor shows little regard
    when she sunbathes in her own backyard”
          Sammy said, “Her swimsuit
          is come-hither minute.
    I ignore her. But man, is it hard!”

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    My neighbor screamed out, with a boom,
    “You kids better go get that broom”
    I got so freaked out
    From her ear-splitting shout
    That I started to clean my own room.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    I am looking for someone who’s cute.
    I don’t care if he’s nice or astute.
    Yet my mom knows a lot
    And she says, I should not
    Be consumed with this triv’yal pursuit.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    I am looking for someone who’s cute.
    I don’t care if he’s nice or astute.
    Yet my mom knows a lot
    And she says, I should not
    Be consumed with this triv’yal pursuit.

  26. Tony Holmes says:

    To make neighbours think, “Man of repute!”
    At all times wear your whistle and flute.
    Be it night-time or day,
    Should they happen your way,
    You’re the tone setter, they’ll follow suit.

    Makes better sense.

  27. Tony Holmes says:

    There are some things I never depute,
    Like selecting my ties, or my route.
    Delegation is fine,
    But I choose my own wine,
    And take care of my natal day suit.

  28. Cyn says:

    I grumped to the fence, feeling blue.
    “Hello, neighbor,” I heard. “How are you?”
          Although I’d not asked,
          I could see he was masked.
    Good ol’ Wilson. He always comes through.

  29. Kirk Miller says:

    “The suits that men like,” declared Jeanie
    “Do not have a price that is teeny.
    Most men will say, ‘Shoot,
    The best two piece suit
    Of all has to be a bikini.'”

  30. Tony Holmes says:

    Recent sightings of flashers in herds
    Have left spokespersons struggling for words.
    “It is clear these pursuits …”
    “… That they’re all in cahoots …”
    “I can’t comment; I’m here to watch birds.”

  31. Tony Holmes says:

    An ascetic made clothing from jute;
    Underwear, socks and shirts, and his suit.
    How they felt we can’t know –
    Though, the hermit did glow –
    For on this, as on all things, he’s mute.

  32. Tony Holmes says:

    Youthful minstrel, abroad with his lute,
    ‘Spies a lovely young maid in her ‘suit’.
    Taken quite unaware
    The young maid meets his stare,
    And then plays him an air on the flute.

  33. Tony Holmes says:

    “All these pics of Suzanne in her ‘suit’,
    It’s a slam dunk, no way to refute.
    Why not vary the snaps?”
    “I’m not like other chaps –
    And my taste leans towards riper fruit.”

  34. Tony Holmes says:

    “All these pics of Suzanne in her ‘suit’,
    You’re a connoisseur, there’s no dispute.
    But variety – girls?”
    “Younger flesh is for churls,
    And my tastes lean toward riper fruit.”

    I want to give of my best, so I shall continue to try and improve this one – out of respect for my subject. LOL

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    When young, I must say, I was cute.
    I was all of the boys main pursuit.
    Now I hardly can see.
    All my teeth total three.
    And most of the day I toot toot.

  36. -=King Fart=- says:

    I thought I would cut a small poot –
    Just brief, sneaky, barely a toot.
    But, dammit to hell,
    The unholy smell
    Has got me involved in a suit.
    o|-<~~~~~

  37. Tony Holmes says:

    “All these pics of Suzanne in her ‘suit’,
    You’re a connoisseur, there’s no dispute.
    But variety – girls?”
    “Younger flesh is for churls;
    Those with taste much prefer riper fruit.”

    I think I’m there.

  38. Terry Marter says:

    A thought that has just come to pass,
    Is I covet my good neighbour’s ass.
    To covet her donkey
    would be far to shonky
    It’s her rear I revere, is that crass?

    *******

    I’m deleting lines bawdy but beautiful,
    just to keep Mad Kane’s blog page reputable.
    It’s a boring pursuit
    for words that best suit
    all the prudes who complain they’re not suitable.

    *****
    The medieval bride looked so cute
    In her floating diaphanous suit.
    But a minstrel they hired
    soon had to be fired
    for flooring a guest with his lute!

  39. Paul Haebig says:

    My neighbor’s new boyfriend’s a god!
    He’s got an incredible bod!
    We never have met
    in person, and yet
    I’m certain his first name is “TODD!!!”

  40. Tony Holmes says:

    “In my youth, I was,” sigh, “dissolute;
    Wine and women my constant pursuit.
    Times have changed: my new thing –
    Yes, you’ve guessed – I now sing
    And the songs are all bawdy to boot.”

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    At the Naturists’ Ball, when you dance,
    The last thing on your mind is romance.
    You must be resolute
    That no sign of your suit
    Will intrude, by design, or by chance.

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    “As a naturist, my only gripe,
    Is the wrinkles. Though not overripe –
    I’m no prune – but the ‘suit’
    Is quite creased, my old fruit,
    And the suntan has got the odd stripe.”

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    “Does the plaintiff insist on her suit?”
    “Yes, My Lord. She is quite resolute.”
    “Very well, let’s proceed.
    You have all that you need.”
    “With your Lordship’s indulgence, that’s moot.”

    “Are you saying you haven’t? Explain!”
    “How to phrase it, your Lordship? The strain
    On Ms Heymann to date,
    And Ms Dragon, her mate,
    You can see for yourself, it’s quite plain.”

    “Yes, I see; yes, indeed; what to do?
    Bailiff! Turn up the heating for two.
    If you’ll take my advice –
    Try to find something nice –
    I would have them get dressed, were I you.”

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    “All these pics of Suzanne in her ‘suit’;
    You’re an aesthete, but are you astute?
    No variety – girls?”
    “Younger flesh is for churls;
    Those with taste much prefer riper fruit.”

    My bad, I was wrong.

  45. Brian Allgar says:

    “They say it’s a hopeless pursuit,
    And that Joe’s gonna give me the boot.
    But I don’t plan to leave –
    If I lose, then believe
    Me, my Proud Boys are ready to shoot.”

  46. Bob Turvey says:

    A producer of clothes got a fine –
    His receipts and sales didn’t align!
    The tax man’s in pursuit
    And the fine is per suit –
    That’ll slim down his fat bottom line!

  47. Tim James says:

    My neighbor emits quite a din
    From the next-door apartment she’s in.
    With her boyfriend, Big Rod,
    She cries out to her God.
    How I wish that the walls weren’t so thin!

  48. Mike says:

    Our Donald cannot choose his suit.
    From clubs, diamonds, hearts, spades – that’s the loot.
    He looks really hard
    For the fifty third card
    As the joker’s his favorite pursuit.

  49. Mike says:

    At The White House there’s just not a neighbor
    Who is able to hear Donald’s tabor
    He stands in the sun
    As he bangs it for fun
    Till his wife shuts him up with her caber.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry Halloween, I can’t relax,
    Cuz my neighbor refuses me snacks.
    This year, late at night
    I will give them a fright,
    And dress up as “Property Tax”.

  51. Cyn says:

    Wicked bad naughty evil Zoot
    had Galahad checked under his suit.
          For his peril, to thank her
          Dingo ruled he must spank her
    and after all spankings, oral [mute].

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slightly modified limerick, posted yesterday (better)

    We turn up the music real loud.
    Our dancing sure makes us so proud.
    The new neighbor knocked;
    Must’ve loved how we rocked.
    And we told all those cops, “Join the crowd”.

  53. Jean McEwen says:

    My neighbor (a snoot and a snoop)
    Parks herself, every day, on the stoop
    Of her spic and span house
    And proceeds, then, to grouse
    About all of the dogs she sees poop.

  54. Cyn says:

    Of my skills there ranked no substitute
    leaping high flips to lead the crowd root.
          I felt oh so delighted
          til my base dude confided
    “You’ve a rip in your cheerleader’s suit.”

  55. Trump’s case for immunity’s moot.
    The virus is still in pursuit
    and just like a snail,
    he’s leaving a trail
    of those sick from licking his boot.

  56. Cyn says:

    Our country is run by old codgers
    raised next door to Mr Rogers,
          but forgot all they learned
          thus from neighbors have turned
    into landlords. We’re only their lodgers.

  57. Tony Holmes says:

    Reality check – or should tht be cheque?

    “It’s far wiser to settle than sue;
    There are no guarantees, you may rue.
    If you must press your suit,
    Wear your whistle and flute,
    And pay fees and expenses on cue.”

  58. Tony Holmes says:

    Escalating a heated dispute
    With a knee in the nuts may confute
    For a moment; but pause;
    Can you argue just cause?
    No, I thought not; abandon your suit.

  59. Daisy Ward says:

    The manager gave him the boot
    When he walked in, wearing a red suit
    No dress code, no job
    His boss was a slob
    And also an over side brute

  60. Daisy Ward says:

    My neighbor gave me a fright
    When her broomstick came into sight
    Threw plenty of cats
    From under her hats
    Whose sharp claws put up a fight

  61. Cyn says:

    Our math teacher said, “The eighth root
    of pi to twelve digits compute
          in base nine.” So then, is he
          just keeping us busy
    conducting this worthless pursuit?

  62. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mr. P was a bland kind of guy,
    (although some said, “There’s blood in his eye!”)
    Sure, he’d wear a meat suit,
    and make hair gel from fruit,
    But there’s no way he’d ever be fly.

  63. Cyn says:

    Next door’s a prime tree leaf to root
    by which tempted, I snagged its best fruit,
          jumping back o’er our fence
          thus escaping from thence
    with my neighbor’s dog in hot pursuit.

  64. Tony Holmes says:

    If your neighbour should give you the eye,
    Don’t rush in! Stop, and ask yourself, “Why?”
    She is young, bold and hot,
    And let’s face it, you’re not;
    Then again, Bud, go reach for the sky!

  65. Tony Holmes says:

    As a wise man once said – was it jest?
    “When your friend is in need, he’s a pest!”
    Observation astute?
    Should we all follow suit?
    Can’t decide? When you’re put to the test.

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    I forgot to say that the limerick above is, I believe, a twofer, ‘friend’ being a synonym for neighbour given the context. (Think ‘Wink’ emoji)

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    Joined the service, their newest recruit.
    Got a haircut, new boots and new suit.
    Three square meals, every day;
    Brand new rifle – and pay –
    And a whole load of bullets to shoot.

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    Escalation of heated dispute
    Undesirable, lest you pollute
    Clean, fresh air with your oaths,
    Before rending of clothes
    And injurious blows that prompt suit.

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    Take your time! Smell the roses! Don’t scoot!
    Live your life as a leisure pursuit.
    Those who generate stress
    Make a terrible mess!
    Take a look at the world – let’s reboot!

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    “Wine and women are worthy pursuits,
    But for roundness of character, roots
    Should go deep in rich soil
    Of some honourable toil,
    As fine women expect – don’t they Toots?”

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    Notice reads: “To all residents, suits
    Must be worn at all times – no disputes!
    Any bod’ seen in clothes,
    Irregardless of oaths,
    Will be stripped, tarred and feathered – computes?”

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    “Mrs Suggs, when you say, ‘Well, he shoots,’
    I can’t see this as, ‘reckless ‘pursuits’.”
    “I stands still, by the wall,
    With the apple, an’ all,
    An’ when he thinks he’s ready, he shoots.”

  73. Tony Holmes says:

    I should have titled that, ‘Grounds For Proceeding’.

  74. Bob Turvey says:

    The US and UK aren’t neighbours,
    They speak English with different flavours.
    US usage is crass;
    Low-grade and bad-ass.
    In the UK, good diction wins favours.

    Said a writer of limericks, “Hi.
    To win Ms Kane’s contest I’ll try.
    The above verse should suit –
    If it doesn’t – well – shoot –
    I can’t stand it – CRUEL WORLD, IT’S GOODBYE!”

  75. Paul Haebig says:

    Please accept this revised version of my limerick above:

    My neighbor’s new boyfriend’s a god!
    He’s got an incredible bod!
    We never have met
    in person, and yet,
    I’ve heard that his first name is “TODD!!!”

  76. Tony Holmes says:

    “Mrs Suggs, when you say, ‘Well, he shoots,’
    I can’t see this as ‘reckless pursuits’.”
    “I stands still, by the shed,
    Like, with apple on ‘ead,
    An’ when ‘e thinks ‘e’s ready, ‘e shoots.”

  77. Tony Holmes says:

    Denzel strode in and unzipped his suit,
    Held his manhood at ready to shoot.
    Doctor glanced, “Well, what’s wrong?”
    Denzel smiled at his prong;
    “Not a thing, Doc. I think it’s a beaut’!”

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Neighbors and Pursuit (a double)

    “Love Thy Neighbor” ?? Well, that’s a real hoot.
    He might be a nasty galoot.
    But if he looks hot,
    Why not give it a shot?
    It may be a worthwhile pursuit.

  79. Tony Holmes says:

    When your neighbour calls ‘round twice a day
    And imposes himself, here’s the play.
    Charge for coffee and tea,
    Include service, and see,
    If that don’t make the sod stay away.

  80. Tony Holmes says:

    A Twofer for sure!

    When your neighbour calls ‘round twice a day
    And imposes himself, here’s the play.
    Charge for coffee and tea,
    Include service, and see,
    If that don’t make the sod stay away.

    Should that fail, increase prices, include
    Entry fee, and full-mark up for food.
    If he still ain’t astute,
    You may have to file suit;
    But whatever you do, don’t be rude.

  81. Tim James says:

    When she opened her door, he was mute.
    She had dolled herself up, no dispute.
    Hair and make-up? Chef’s kiss.
    But the kicker was this:
    Her exceedingly fine birthday suit.

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    In my youth I went au naturel;
    I took pride in myself; you could tell.
    But these days, the poor suit
    Sags, and wrinkled, ain’t cute.;
    Life is cruel, I’m no longer nouvelle.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    When celebrity beckons, mon brute,
    You must get you a Saville Row suit.
    You’ll acquire savoir faire,
    Become savant, not bear,
    And the women will want you, to boot.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Neighbor Joe had a real sad expression.
    It seems that because of recession,
    He was fired, (poor guy)
    But then so was I.
    And together, we cried from depression.

  85. Cyn says:

    Political foes are targeted, laws unmade,
    foreigners as scapegoats get portrayed,
          as the GOP in pursuit
          of more U.S. Treasury loot
    gives our ruler a high goose-step parade.

  86. Tony Holmes says:

    Mythomaniac, Emerson Snoot,
    Carried tales to extremes in pursuit
    Of his fortune and fame.
    Anyone was fair game –
    Rich or poor, all the same – the old coot!

  87. B A Dragon says:

    OK It is an actual promotion – true story

    My neighbor, Delighted Tobehere
    Moved to N. Y. to have a career
    He changes his suit
    Wears high heels, looks cute
    When she sings, she’s delightful to hear

    She’s practicing her new pursuit
    This Sunday because she needs loot
    Don’t Tell Mama’s is where
    And I wish I were there
    But if you are – she’s really a hoot.

  88. B A Dragon says:

    Dear Tony, you are a brave man
    Propositioning my girl, Suzanne
    Despite your pursuit
    We are quite resolute
    In achieving our convolute plan

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    “As a kitten, your Tabby was cute.
    Now full-grown, he’s turned into a brute!”
    ‘Halt your verbal assault!
    Tell my dad, it’s his fault.
    Tabby watched him and then followed suit.”

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    Rattenfänger von Hamein, mit flute,
    Led die kinder away. His dispute
    Mit die Stadt und its volk,
    Who’d reneged – Ja! No yolk –
    Was resolved without threat or pursuit.

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    “Came a time when I sought out my roots.
    Did I spring from blue-collar or suits?
    Well?” “Your blood, and your genes,
    Blue and high-born.” “That means
    I am gonna need much bigger boots.”

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    It is easy, B A, to be brave,
    When I’m so far away. I’d behave –
    Well, I might – on the spot,
    Then again, you’re both hot,
    So, I might press my luck and be knave.

    I did think I’d abandon pursuit
    But am lured by the forbidden fruit.
    And how is Suze today?
    Have you locked her away?
    Can she come out to play? I’d commute.

    Here’s a thought! Were we neighbours, I’d call,
    And between us, we’d have us a ball!
    Every day, rain or shine;
    Sometimes your place, some mine;
    Does the thought have appeal, or appal?

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    When my neighbour called ‘round to say, “Hi!
    I’ve just moved in next door. My name’s Di.”
    I said, “Di? As in dead?”
    She turned tail, then, and fled.
    Ain’t seen hide nor hair since. Wonder why?

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve tried every which way to permute
    All the options for using pursuit.
    I’ve gone nudist – with snaps –
    Chased a few hairy chaps,
    So much so that I’ve had to reroute.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    I have striven, as well, to permute
    All the options pertaining to suit.
    I’ve gone courtroom – big deal –
    And genetic – get real –
    And have even done minstrel with lute.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s real hard to keep up a grin
    When the neighbors get under our skin.
    We don’t get along.
    So we sing this sweet song:
    “Mr. Rogers, Oh Where Have You Been?”

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    Angus Compton, when clad in his ‘suit’
    Was a man best described as hirsute.
    From his head to his toes,
    Nothing shows but his nose,
    Yet his manhood ye wouldnae dispute.

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Guess who this is

    She sang a cute song ’bout a boot.
    (The top of the chart, her pursuit)
    Did not need the money;
    Cuz I’m tellin’ you, honey:
    Her daddy had oodles of loot.

  99. Cyn says:

    To further this year’s academic pursuit,
    Sammy tried out the Limericks 101 route.
          Said his lit teacher, “Metaphor.”
          What he heard was, “Get a whore”
    so he bedded the neighborhood prostitute.

  100. Cyn says:

    Your reward, Mr President, for inj-
    ustices, for corruption, for inj-
          uring our Constitut-
          ion: a brand new suit
    with your number on khaki orange.

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    He was billed as the neighbour from hell,
    But I found we got on very well.
    I like beer, as does he;
    He swears freely, like me;
    Yes, he’s quite brought me out of my shell.

  102. Cyn says:

    Or if the “identical rhyme” of “for inj-” with “for inj-” doesn’t sound quite right, try this “more-for-or” version–

          Your prize, Mr Prez, for more inj-
          ustices, more corruption, for inj-
                uring our Constitut-
                ion: don your new suit
          with your number on khaki orange.

    And then picture me in this down-to-earth one–

          I neglected to wear my skydiving suit
          plus everything else thru my skivvies to boot,
                but here a mile high
                freefalling, I’m glad I
          remembered to strap on my parachute.
          

  103. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I was once in addictive pursuit
    Of campaign buttons (ugly or cute).
    But now I’ve no use
    For button abuse —
    Except for the one labeled “Mute.”

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    People say I’m a really cute pup.
    My neighbors say, “Hey Spot, wassup?”
    I replied, “I had gas;
    So I pooped on your grass.
    I’m so sorry, no human picked up”

  105. Dave Johnson says:

    He’s there in his baggy, blue suit;
    With an oversized necktie to boot.
    Proclaiming his health
    And incredible wealth
    While Covid is still taking root.

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    Our neighbor’s a wonderful host;
    Though cooking befuddles him most.
    At breakfast today,
    It was all on display;
    He offered to scramble the toast.

  107. David Friedman says:

    My neighbor’s exceedingly rude —
    He mows his whole lawn in the nude.
    He somehow works hard
    All day in the yard
    And his weedwhacker’s much ballyhooed.

  108. David Friedman says:

    My neighbor pays all his expenses
    He’s kind and he has no pretenses
    So he’ll sell stolen art
    And give you your part —
    “Good neighbors,” he says, “make good fences.”

  109. David Friedman says:

    A flautist dressed up in a suit
    Met a young lady quite cute
    Said she, with eyes gleamy,
    “Are you pleased to see me
    Or are you just hiding your flute?”

  110. Dave Johnson says:

    A neighborhood lady named Bess
    Is known for her scant style of dress.
    With outfits so short,
    There’s a constant report
    Of thongs that are under duress.

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    I can only apologise for the somewhat indecorous offering.

    Greet your neighbour: say, “Hi!” Quick! Move on.
    Don’t engage! Half your day will be gone.
    He will bore you to tears
    Telling tales of his peers,
    And the last time he sat on the john.

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s a horrible word, prostitute.
    We should change it for something that’s cute.
    ‘Willy Warmer’ sounds nice,
    Doesn’t smack so, of vice.
    Euphemizing’s a worthy pursuit.

  113. Valerie A fish says:

    The stag night was simply a hoot
    The groom to be, pissed as a newt
    Was found at daybreak
    Tied to a stake
    Wearing nowt but his birthday suit

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    In politics, “out on the stump”
    Would change this year, right from the jump.
    But one in pursuit
    Said “I don’t give a hoot;
    Covidiots – rally with Trump!”

  115. David Friedman says:

    A lady of some disrepute
    Engaged in the oldest pursuit,
    Would say, “Evil, honey,
    Lies not in the money,
    But all evil lies in the root.”

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    Before starting his neighbourhood watch,
    Reggie swallowed two bottles of Scotch.
    Next, a bottle of schnapps –
    Just to fill in the gaps –
    Which he shared with a friendly Sasquatch.

  117. David Friedman says:

    The boa is quite resolute
    As instinct controls its pursuit
    And its prey, crushed of breath,
    Knows it’s seconds from death
    As it sees the snake circumvolute.

  118. John Shardlow says:

    All the cards thought Queenie a beaut
    Her top and her bottom – quite cute
    When King, Jack and Joker
    Start to play poker
    The rest of the pack follow suit

  119. Cyn says:

    Though a couplet can readily commute
    as many a Cyn poetry form’s root,
          why render her sick
          with one more lim’rick
    when biolet prosody would suit?

  120. John Shardlow says:

    My neighbour is gathering fame
    Out in the garden again
    It makes the folk stare
    At those breasts, large and bare
    Oh when will his wife do the same

  121. Tim James says:

    My new Halloween costume’s a hoot.
    I’ll be wearing a Donald Trump suit
    (Though the make-up and hair
    May give children a scare —
    And give most of them nightmares to boot).

  122. John Shardlow says:

    Mad, could change line 4 to breasts please

    **********

    Done.

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    When his neighbour ignored him, Wont Budge
    Took exception and harboured a grudge.
    “At the time, I was sore,
    But I’m not anymore.”
    Leastwise, that’s what he’s telling the judge.

  124. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I dream of a dwelling that’s rural
    With two neighbors, a deer and a squirrel.
    A small village below
    Sends a welcoming glow….
    But in MY ‘hood we call that a mural.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    Love your neighbors, (religion or race).
    Be wise, show politeness and grace.
    So tell them they’re nice.
    But here’s good advice:
    They must not cough or sneeze in your face.

  126. Dave Johnson says:

    A couple that lives up the street
    Just might be a tad indiscreet.
    Their big screen at night
    Through the window is bright
    With porn, as we gather and greet.

  127. B A Dragon says:

    Reply to Tony Holmes 10/14/2020

    Appealing, appalling, whatever
    Your chances are somewhere near never
    Although your pursuit
    Of Suzanne’s patoot
    Is sometimes amusingly clever

    If we were neighbors I’d guess
    You would not get under her dress
    If I’m to wed a girl
    She seems quite a pearl
    And would handle your suit with finesse

  128. Tony Holmes says:

    Reply To B A – Above:

    You’re a fire-breathing Dragon, B. A.
    I am done to a crisp; you hold sway.
    I’ll abandon pursuit
    Of Suzanne’s – what? – ‘Patoot’?
    Doesn’t mean, now and then, we can’t play?

  129. Tony Holmes says:

    Our new neighbours look friendly enough –
    And compliant. No need to get tough.
    Give them time, early days;
    Once they’re trained to our ways,
    We’ll be able to borrow their stuff.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our neighborhood’s free from all strife.
    If you live here, you have a good life.
    Our killer’s refined.
    So we really don’t mind
    When he stabs with his Towle butter knife.

  131. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    It appears that my neighbors have started
    To wear face masks with slogans imparted:
    ‘Cross the street lives “Free Hugs,”
    On the corner “Got Drugs?”
    Right next door “Blah Blah Blah” and “Who Farted?”

  132. Tony Holmes says:

    Our new neighbours look friendly enough –
    And compliant. No need to get tough.
    Give them time, early days;
    Once they’re trained to our ways,
    We’ll pop over and borrow their stuff.

  133. Tony Holmes says:

    “Hey, ho, neighbour! How goes it with you?”
    “You don’t care! Don’t pretend that you do.
    You’re a cockroach! You snoop
    In the hope of a scoop.
    What you’ll get is the toe of my shoe.”

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    “All women are weak, yet they’re cute.
    The kitchen should be their pursuit.
    Kill all of our foes,
    And start with their toes”
    (Some quotes from the man known as Newt)

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who said that we shouldn’t pollute?
    I think it’s a worthwhile pursuit.
    Don’t say, “It’s not right”
    What a wonderful sight:
    Watching birds fall from trees, (it’s so cute)

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad:
    Please change line 5 of above limerick to Watching birds fall from trees,
    (it’s so cute)
    I think it is better grammatically.
    Thank you, Lisi

    *********
    Done.

  137. Dave Johnson says:

    He’s known as the neighborhood pest;
    As merely “Hello” will attest.
    When trapped in a chat,
    One solution for that:
    Proclaiming that Trump is the best.

  138. Kirk Miller says:

    With Halloween coming up . . .

    For the vampire, romance was a chore.
    Said, “It bites! It’s a thing I abhor.”
    But a neighbor named Patty
    Won his heart; drove him batty.
    He’s in love with the woman necks door.

  139. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Inspired by Terry and Cyn (with apologies for incrimination)

    When I concentrate on the word “orange,”
    The one rhyme I can squeeze out is “whore binge.”
    Such a seedy pursuit
    (and pithetic to boot)
    Makes me groan like a rusty old door hinge.

    (“When bad lim’ricks are culpable,
    pain grows more pulpable.”
    William of Orange? On his deathbed?)

  140. Tony Holmes says:

    “Love my neighbour? I certainly shan’t!
    I have tried, but I find that I can’t.
    No, it’s not that I won’t,
    I assure you. I don’t
    Since the lowlife made free with my aunt.”

    “Love my neighbour? Most certainly not!
    They should hang him – let me tie the knot.
    Bad enough that he toyed,
    Now the sod’s overjoyed.
    Auntie’s pregnant! He should have been shot!”

    “Love my neighbour? Well, okay, I might.
    Now they’re married, he may be all right.
    Auntie’s given him twins,
    In return for his sins;
    Now they’re keeping him busy at night.”

  141. Tony Holmes says:

    When your neighbours are rowdy, “Oh, dear!”
    Get your rifle, your duty is clear.
    They’re disturbing the peace,
    You could call the police,
    But why bother? Just shoot them from here.

  142. Tony Holmes says:

    My neighbour enjoys his pursuits,
    But has learned to his cost that patoots,
    As a joy to behold,
    May, indeed, be extolled,
    But remain out of bounds to old coots.

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    Things are changing

    I now work from home; what a hoot.
    These days it’s a “must do” pursuit.
    But I still drive to work.
    It’s a habit, (and quirk)
    Then I hurry back home and reboot.

  144. Cyn says:

    Said a stylish young miss from Beirut,
    who remained steadfastly resolute
           against donning fatigues,
           “Though the fashion intrigues
    me, what doesn’t fit doesn’t well suit.”

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    change in Line One

    I now work from home; still make loot.
    These days, it’s a “must do” pursuit.
    But I still drive to work.
    It’s a habit (and quirk)
    Then I hurry back home and reboot.

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    “Never give up! Your lifetime pursuit
    Unlike mine will, one day, bear some fruit.
    That the Yeti exist
    I’ve no doubt, so persist,
    And one day, you’ll say ‘Hi!” to a brute.”

  147. Cyn says:

    The GOP’ll get no remission
    from blame for pandemic attrition,
           since courts’ll refute
           any frivolous suit:
    Trump’s a pre-existing condition!

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s true that I’m very astute.
    And wisdom’s my foremost pursuit.
    Yet it took 50 years
    Of sadness and tears
    To grasp that tomato’s a fruit.

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    “Being neighbourly? Find it quite hard
    Since that traumatic day in the yard.
    I was catching some rays
    When a voice ups and says,
    ‘That’s not much of a sword, but en garde!’”

  150. Tim James says:

    I’ve a house in the country. Out there,
    I have quiet, clear skies, and fresh air.
    But it isn’t all nice.
    I found out there’s a price
    When my neighbor got et by a bear.

  151. Tony Holmes says:

    “Sasquatch, Yeti – Bigfoot – they’re all one!
    I shall have one of each when I’m done.”
    “An ignoble pursuit!”
    “Why?’ “Because they can’t shoot
    Back.” “So, softie, go give ‘em a gun.”

  152. Dave Johnson says:

    The couple upstairs didn’t care
    If they broadcast their steamy affair.
    At first, “Oohs” and “Aahs”
    Followed up with a pause;
    Then an “Uuh” to announce he was there.

  153. Tony Holmes says:

    We’ve all heard of the neighbours from hell
    Who curse loudly, look angry and smell
    Of stale booze, weed and oil,
    Are averse to hard toil,
    And will nick anything they can sell.

  154. Tony Holmes says:

    “You’re a stalker!” “No, no – it’s patoot.
    It compels me to make my pursuit.
    It’s the rhythm, you see.
    It’s hypnotic to me.
    Even you must admit that it’s cute.”

  155. Brian Allgar says:

    Damn those weeds that spring up in plethoras,
    Like bindweed, and other such horrors!
    They ruin my labours
    By strangling their neighbours,
    Behaviour as foul as Gomorrah’s!

  156. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    I’m engaged in a lustful pursuit
    Of my neighbour, who’s temptingly cute.
    So I long for the day
    When her husband’s away;
    “Love thy neighbour” – the Bible’s my route!

  157. B A Dragon says:

    They go on for such a long while.
    Are my neighbors wrestling freestyle?
    At quarter past ten
    They start over again
    I now have the cops on speed dial.

  158. Tim Gray says:

    The cops were hot in pursuit
    Of the robbers who’d stolen the loot.
    Then they all fled the scene
    If you see what I mean…
    ‘Twas a cops and robbers cahoot.

  159. Tim Gray says:

    I can’t stand those people next door,
    She’s loud and he is a bore.
    Their son’s out on parole,
    The pets, out of control
    And the daughter’s the neighbourhood whore.

  160. Tim Gray says:

    When preparing some fruit
    It won’t have been pre-pared to suit.
    In preparing a pear
    You might core and cut square,
    But not pre-pare in perfection’s pursuit.

  161. Tony Holmes says:

    “As a skydiver, dangerous pursuits
    Are a buzz; but the trouble with ‘chutes
    Is, they fail. If they do,
    Please take note! It’s a clue –
    ‘Diving isn’t for you. Study newts!”

  162. Tony Holmes says:

    It is best, when preparing good food,
    Not to do so when tiddly and nude.
    Quite apart from the fruit
    Leaving stains on your ‘suit’,
    You’ll have guests who’ll regard it as rude.

  163. Tony Holmes says:

    “Hello, neighbour! Nice day! Are you well?”
    “No, I’m not, since you ask.” “Oh, do tell!
    You look healthy to me.
    Is it bad? May I see?”
    “Yes, it is; no, you can’t. Go to hell!”

  164. Tony Holmes says:

    Trump Supporters?

    A good neighbour is one who has views
    Much in sync with your own. Your tattoos
    Are the same and you’d shoot
    Those whose views you dispute
    And say, “Hey! Look! We got on the news!”

  165. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In response to Tony’s Oct. 11 verse 5:02 p.m.:

    My ripe fruit ain’t yours for the pickin’
    Stop chasing a tough old soup chicken!
    Your silly pursuit
    Of my ‘suit’ isn’t cute
    But my brain is a beaut, and it’s kickin’!

  166. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In response to Tony’s Oct. 17 verse 7:47 a.m.:

    B. A. Dragon’s patoot, also mine
    Isn’t there for your pleasure, you swine!
    A threesome is gruesome
    Just stick to a twosome –
    Your neighbor! Seduce ’em with wine!

  167. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As her neighbour recited a sonnet,
    She poured on him sauce of scotch bonnet.
    As a nasty young rascal
    Just like Eddie Haskill,
    She sprinkled Tabasco sauce on it!

  168. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The old man bought a nice pricey suit
    And pretended to have lots of loot.
    He fooled many a lass
    To surrender her ass.
    What a scoundrel that sassy old brute!

    But those gold-diggers took that old route –
    Chasing wealth in a quick, hot pursuit.
    While he savoured the glory
    He didn’t feel sorry
    Aint THAT a fun story? Just cute!

  169. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I heard some loud screams from my neighbour
    As though slashed with the blade of a saber
    When I sought the mean bully
    To dump in some gully,
    Poor woman was fully in labour!

    No time to call 9-1-1; oy!
    Baby’s head showed; this bundle of joy
    Made me meet and then greet
    And perform a big feat
    By deliv’ring a sweet baby boy!

    Breathed a sigh of relief, did a twirl
    But new things were about to unfurl.
    Heard myself say, “Oh shoot!
    Second babe is en route!”
    And then out came a cute baby girl!

    As I’m sitting on needles and pins,
    I say, “Please don’t have triplets, just twins!”
    But a third head is showing
    My conscience is going,
    “I’m reaping from sowing my sins!”

    If my neighbour pops kid number four,
    I will charge a commission, or more.
    Well, before I could scram
    From the newest li’l lamb,
    I was saved by an ambulance door!

  170. Tony Holmes says:

    In parting …

    Rest assured, I no longer pursue;
    Not Ms Dragon’s patoot and not you.
    No, my lesson is learned –
    All my bridges are burned –
    And my neighbour I’ve spurned, so, adieu!

  171. Tony Holmes says:

    A good neighbour’s a treasure indeed.
    One to turn to whenever there’s need.
    A bad neighbour is one
    Who, in need, at a run,
    Come’s a knocking, expecting you’ll heed.

  172. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Why spurn your own neighbour? She’s all
    You’ve got left, and she just might enthrall
    Unless homely as hell
    Then your neighbourly gal
    Ought to hide just as well. It’s your call!

  173. B A Dragon says:

    Sorry Tony 10/23/2020 1?49 am

    Your pursuit of patoot is amusing
    Unfortunately we’re both refusing
    We’re not yet even wed
    It would be rude to bed
    Someone else then find out we’re mischoosing.

  174. Tony Holmes says:

    Your kind words are no comfort at all
    To a man who has hit a brick wall.
    I’m cast down and forlorn.
    There’s no blast in my horn;
    M Monroe couldn’t make me stand tall.

    Disappointment can have that effect
    And compounds many years of neglect.
    You both have, I have not,
    You’re content with your lot,
    And my neighbour’s the same, I suspect.

    No, it’s best that I call it a day.
    It was fun, but it’s better this way.
    The new image sticks fast –
    ‘Chicken soup’ – I’m aghast! –
    Will endure to the last. Oh, dismay!

  175. Cyn says:

    Conjectured dimensions refute
    Wheeler’s take on an Einstein dispute:
           in fields non-abelian
           black holes might be chameleon
    with bound states quite clearly hirsute.

  176. Cyn says:

    [Oops. I’ve been quickly corrected by a friend who knows the physics better than I do. In the preceding, “might be” should be “are”.]

  177. Cyn says:

    Once whilest on a chalice pursuit
    I got mutated into a newt
           by a dame who by luck
           weighed as much as a duck.
    I got better and a bonfire to boot.

  178. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Superheroes each have a cool suit
    Nicely tailor-made down to the boot.
    Some look funny, some hot,
    Some were sewn with much thought
    So these heroes do not need to shoot.

    They prevent or chase down in pursuit
    The bad powers which harm us en route.
    Well, then it’s no wonder
    Applause is like thunder
    Their good deeds ain’t under dispute.

    They’re not heroes in comics or books,
    Or in movies with dashing good looks
    They’re our medic revivers,
    Kind neighbors, high-fivers,
    First responders, truck drivers, and cooks!

  179. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  180. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Get a cauldron that’s really top notch;
    Add some gin and six bottles of scotch,
    Toe of frog, eye of newt —
    It’s a charm that should suit
    When you’re out there on Neighborhood Watch.

  181. Cyn says:

    Ancient history traditionally excludes
    civilized philogynist attitudes,
           like how we’ve kept mute
           about God’s Wife Hatshepsut
    since pharaohs are supposed to be dudes.
           

  182. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    While shopping for clothes, be astute.
    It’s for work, so not overly cute.
    Geez, that jacket’s a sack!
    Please don’t pick off the rack—
    All you’ll find is some low-hanging suit.

  183. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Though your home is the fruit of your labors,
    You might not get to pick your close neighbors.
    Sure most couples will fight,
    But all day and all night?
    And on horseback with cavalry sabers?

  184. Tony Holmes says:

    “Well, dear neighbour, I think you can tell
    It’s been good fun to visit a spell.
    But like every pursuit,
    Brief is best, lest its fruit
    Should turn bitter. I bid you farewell!”

  185. John Shardlow says:

    To Brits, this sign doesn’t suit
    It’s known as the V sign salute
    Better known on those shores
    As “F*** you, up yours!”
    Remember next time you commute

  186. Cyn says:

    Well then, since Trump’s so damn resolute
    at receiving a proper salute,
           I’ll pretend I’m a Brit
           and salute him as fit —
    sounds to me like that V sign would suit!

  187. Larz says:

    A clever young spinster so cute
    While swimming one day tossed her suit.
    Her beaming old mommy
    Cried, “My goodness honey!
    You’ve twenty young men in pursuit.”

  188. Cyn says:

    Prostitute, newt, pollute, hoot, astute,
    absolute, execute, brute pursuit…
           Not to sound deprecatin’
           but like campaign debatin’
    may we now press that button marked MUTE?

  189. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 455. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Doze.

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