Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LOOT or LUTE or SALUTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 29, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LOOT or LUTE or SALUTE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FARMS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FARM-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 30, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 29, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

My opinion won’t change; it’s immutable:
That boyfriend of yours is unsuitable;
A galoot in a suit
Who is after your loot,
As you’ll see from my proof irrefutable.

And here’s my farm-themed limerick:

A tenderfoot, new at the farm,
Was arrested; he’d whined that his arm
And his foot were both tender,
Then went on a bender.
(The farm’s owner was part-time gendarme.)

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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90 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LOOT or LUTE or SALUTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 29, 2019)”

  1. Tim James says:

    Farmer Bob gave a new crop a try
    When his cash flow went badly awry.
    The results have been grand:
    Now supply and demand
    Keep his profits and customers high.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Livestock Gang” always could tell
    When their home was just going to hell
    They were very high-tech
    And completely a wreck
    When the farmer was stuck in the dell

  3. Kirk Miller says:

    Music store just got robbed; thief did scoot
    Out the door. Owner ran in pursuit.
    But the owner was slow,
    Had to let his foe go,
    So the thief got away with the lute.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    Damn pesticides always pollute
    The water and soil and the fruit
    So on Earth Day we tried
    To throw toxins aside
    And a grateful worm gave a salute

  5. Diane Groothuis says:

    A flautist who played on a flute
    And a lutenist playing a lute
    Went busking one day
    But they lost all their pay
    As the looter was much more astute.

  6. Diane Groothuis says:

    I once used to live on a farm
    Renowned for its bucolic charm
    Though sweet and demure
    Amongst the manure
    A dairy maid’s life’s not too calm

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    De Blasio for president? What a hoot!
    Thinks he’s worthy? Not very astute.
    New York City’s a mess,
    So please, let me stress-
    My vote? He’ll get a huge, Bronx salute!

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    Old MacDonald has a farm, a great woe,
    This was once a worthy calling, you know.
    Now in the same breath,
    He sells illness and death.
    His produce, one big, toxic GMO.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Fashion” Black Friday’s a hoot
    The “mob scene” is very acute
    With folk’s arms full of clothes
    It seems nobody knows
    If they’re buying or grabbing the loot

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend says she’s skilled at the lute
    But in town, she is known as “the fruit”
    When I gave her my quiz
    She claimed the lute is
    Her offspring from “Charlie The Flute”

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just milking a cow is a dream!
    Ev’ry time that I do it I beam!
    But I’m still quite confused
    And rather bemused
    Cuz I can’t find the right teat for cream

  12. Is Trump’s victory through Russian luck?
    Was it stolen or fallen from truck?
    Either way, they salute
    while he runs with the loot,
    and his base don’t know this last line should rhyme with the first and second lines.

  13. Amazzing says:

    I grew up on a farm,
    50% more crops was the charm,
    Hybrids were the reason,
    Much higher produce per season,
    And it caused absolutely no harm.

    Produce now is even bigger loot,
    Wonderful GMO’s deserve the salute,
    The world can experience jubilation,
    The US can feed the entire population,
    With GMO’s we’ll have leftovers to boot.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was offered a really cool gig
    And I knew I would make it real big
    First day on my farm
    Just held so much charm
    Went and bought me a Black Angus pig

  15. Daisy Ward says:

    The security guard stole the bank’s loot
    And tried to hide it in his boot
    But his boot was to small
    Tried to hide it in a stall
    Grabbed a hand full and ran to the mall

    There once was a mean old man name yarn
    Kept his animals piled up on a barn
    The barn was to small
    The animals were too tall
    They burst through, laying all over the farm

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    another slightly different version of limerick #2

    The “Livestock Gang” always could tell
    When their barn was just going to hell
    All the pigs were high-tech
    And completely a wreck
    When the farmer was stuck in the Dell

  17. Michael R. Burch says:

    Trump is a mannerless brute
    Whom many red-staters salute.
    But the bloke’s absurd:
    London flipped him the bird.
    Now his blimp needs a parachute.

  18. Walter Daum says:

    There once was a hulking galoot
    Who couldn’t fit into his suit.
    His belly stuck out,
    Leaving no room for doubt
    That it wasn’t his best attribute.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Dad’s been a farmer for years
    He is one of those great pioneers
    Made me pull off the shucks
    Till I told him “This sucks”
    He said, “QUIET! These cornfields have EARS”

  20. Walter Daum says:

    George Orwell was terribly sour;
    He felt that our future was dour.
    He wrote “Animal Farm”
    To raise an alarm
    About keeping the pigs out of power

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Military Funeral”

    My proctologist’s son was a cutie
    As a doctor, he never was snooty
    All were told to salute
    When we heard the guns shoot
    (He was killed in the line of rank doody)

  22. Nate Levin says:

    To Queen Maddie I give a salute–
    Her brisk lines of wit are a hoot!
    From her perfervid mind
    Comes a stream of rare kind
    With sharp apercus most astute.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: I made a mistake (one limerick up) in L5 which
    I called “Military Funeral”

    I typed “He was killed in the rank line of doody”
    I meant to say “He was killed in the line of rank doody”
    Could you change that for me?
    Thank You
    Lisi

    ***

    Done.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    I started to play alto flute
    But the pain in my arms was acute
    When I blew out the air
    It frizzled my hair
    I think I will take up the lute

  25. Kirk Miller says:

    From the past, U.S. farmers don’t learn.
    Lots of topsoil’s eroded; they yearn
    For rich, fertile soil
    In which they can toil.
    Lack of dirt is a growing concern.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think I finally got this right so it makes SENSE !!

    My proctologist, John was a cutie
    For a doctor, he wasn’t real snooty
    Folks were told to salute
    When they heard the guns shoot
    (He was killed in the line of rank doody)

  27. Roger Haugen says:

    Which instrument do I salute?
    Above all the others, it’s moot;
    For beauty of tone
    This one stands alone,
    For sweetness and depth, abso-lute.

  28. Amazzing says:

    Morning Joe and the snickering Mika;
    Say Trump is down 14 points, Eureka!
    For Biden a salute,
    He already beat the galoot!
    Either that or Mika has Zika.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A Farmer’s Life”

    When seeding, you must wear old clothes
    (You’ll get dirty, but that’s how it goes)
    And make no mistake
    Don’t forget a good rake
    And for fun bring along a few hoes

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    While farming is not very posh
    And sometimes you waddle in slosh
    You still should look nice
    So here’s some advice:
    Always wear your best Oshkosh B’ Gosh

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Robbing “Savings” will be a real snap
    Find Miss Ghastly; go flatter and yap
    Then say “Hand me the loot;
    You’re exceedingly cute”
    She’ll surrender and fall for that crap

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    Saw a produce truck speeding en route
    You could see that he stole lots of loot
    But he looked really hot
    Kind’a just hit the spot
    And he had real nice low-hanging fruit

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jim’s martinis just give me that boot!
    My zip and my zest get acute
    But last night I passed out
    What was THAT all about?
    (I think he forgot to di lute)

  34. Dave Johnson says:

    (Seattle’s Fremont Solstice Parade)

    Sans clothing – just painted charade,
    They rode in the Solstice Parade.
    Their naked salute
    On a bike was a hoot;
    Some fun bosom buddies were made.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Life Story”

    Both my husbands were “no way” astute
    (Their stupidity down-right acute)
    Never more shall I wed
    Till the day I am dead
    And of that I am sure reso lute

  36. P Diane Schneider says:

    The Solution

    Now here is a thing I’ll salute
    If we can dispose of the brute
    We can save the nation
    And elect a statesman
    Now, wouldn’t that just be a hoot?

  37. P Diane Schneider says:

    Pesticides!?

    “No bad stuff in my food,” you moan
    So make sure your seeds are all sown
    No doubt and no worry
    But you’d better hurry
    It’s best if you just grow your own!

  38. Tim Gray says:

    “Hey nonny nonny”, he sang…
    Through the air these angry words rang,
    “I’ll give the boot
    To you and your lute,
    I’m trying to sleep here, Gawd dang!”

  39. Tim Gray says:

    Whilst gently playing his lute,
    He decided, just for a hoot,
    That he would strum
    With the tip of his thumb
    And tap a wine keg with his boot.

  40. Tim Gray says:

    Are you just being greedy
    Or helping feeding the needy?
    I farm for my horse!
    Just grass, of course.
    The needy? Ugh! Please not so seedy.

  41. Tim Gray says:

    I see you’ve been on a diet
    After I said you should try it.
    I humbly salute,
    You’re looking quite cute,
    You happy? Naw? Please don’t deny it.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Las Vegas has riveting charm
    But it also can cause you much harm
    If you aren’t astute
    You can lose all your loot
    So remember: Don’t bet the whole farm

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    If your lap top has froze and won’t boot
    The solution’s not hard to compute
    “Control” “Alt” “Delete”
    Makes this lim’rik complete
    Just remember “Three Finger Salute”

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    “OR”

    If your laptop has froze and won’t boot
    The solution’s not hard to compute
    “Control” “Alt” “Delete”
    Gets you back on your feet
    Just remember “Three Finger Salute”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    The stampede of the cows caused him harm
    Then the pigs went and bit off his arm
    From this plight he just dropped
    Till his breathing had stopped
    (Mr. Jones surely bought the whole farm)

  46. Amazzing says:

    In the 60’s we made love not wars;
    Peace rallies were easy scores;
    Hashish and Mesc were the loot,
    A few hits, they’d show tits, didn’t give a hoot,
    It was no challenge to get in her drawers.

    Mini Woodstock’s happened in fields of farms;
    Free love required no charms;
    We showed those “old timer” haters,
    No need to be masterbaters,
    Open air orgies presented no harms.

    If it felt good, do it. And salute-
    the burning flag while en route-
    to watch the woke burn their bra,
    And then engage in menage a’ trois,
    The dawn of feminism?What a hoot.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s my scheme it was simply divine:
    (I tried to be very benign)
    “I have stolen your loot
    I am very astute
    It was easy; I did it online”

    (bank robbery)

  48. Walter Daum says:

    corrected and revised:

    George Orwell was terribly dour;
    He felt that the world had turned sour.
    He wrote “Animal Farm”
    To raise an alarm
    And warn against pigs taking power.

  49. John Koller III says:

    Now I am playing the lute
    I am no longer playing the flute
    I can’t get it right
    So hold on tight
    And really I don’t give a hoot

  50. Bruce Alter says:

    Mr. Pan was half-goat, not half-coot,
    And played music on flute, not on lute.
    Started he hurly burlies,
    When he chased after girlies.
    Let’s say his sex drive was acute.

  51. Diane Groothuis says:

    Dumb Frank who was planning to loot
    The bank but was not real astute
    Gave his whole gang a bummer
    And prospects much glummer
    But it gained him a nice new striped suit.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    The composer “Sir Mozart Von Cleethe”
    Made all of the flute players seethe
    So they took up the lute
    And they cursed that damn brute
    Did this genius know flute players breathe?

  53. Tim James says:

    A pirate who died in Dakar
    Lost his booty at cards in a bar.
    Giving up all that loot
    Made his chest pains acute.
    Sadly, no one there knew CP arrrr.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    acrostic

    S ure was easy; we swiped all the loot
    (T omatoes, and cabbage and fruit)
    E ating fiber was fun
    A nd when we were done
    L eft the table to have a good toot

  55. David Reddekopp says:

    The prez is an ignorant brute
    An orangutan stuffed in a suit
    He, for all of his days
    Seeks unwarranted praise
    But I’ll give the one-finger salute.

  56. David Friedman says:

    En route to a shoot in Beirut
    Newt heard two youth on a lute.
    “I used to play flute,”
    To the two youth bragged Newt
    But the lutists did not give a hoot.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    The pigs on the farm got their mail
    Seems the mys’tries at “Strange” are on sale!
    They just couldn’t wait
    Cuz those books are so great
    And they love a real good twisted tale

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of previous limerick

    The composer, Sir Mozart Von Cleethe
    Simply made all the flute players seethe
    They just cursed that damn brute
    And took up the lute
    Did this genius think flutists don’t breathe?

  59. David Friedman says:

    A robber named Jesse James Borters
    Ran into the mint, screaming orders:
    “Give me all the loot!”
    Til he fell down a chute
    And was horribly sliced into quarters.

  60. David Friedman says:

    A horny cheese farmer named Jay
    Would shtup his poor cows every day
    The cows would start chewing
    When he started spewing
    But it never got in his whey.

  61. David Friedman says:

    Some farms up in east Minnesota
    Grow wheat for a subsidized quota
    The poor are not fed;
    The crop’s burned instead
    And the farmers don’t care one iota.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Couldn’t get that damn truck into gear
    (A lady like me has such fear!)
    Farming isn’t for me
    So I asked my “Sweet Pea”
    “Could you unload that corn, my John Dear?”

  63. Jean McEwen says:

    So you think your town sheriff’s astute?
    Well, then why’d he waste time in pursuit
    Of a dude who just looked
    Like a guy they’d once booked
    While the true crook made off with the loot?

  64. Jean McEwen says:

    Those livestock may need to rethink
    Their plot to escape from the clink.
    Breaking loose would require
    Dodging miles of barbed wire,
    As they can’t underneath it just slink.

  65. Tim Gray says:

    One person I wouldn’t salute,
    Notwithstanding he’s after the loot,
    Is Trump, who seems tied
    To the immigrant tide
    And is acting like old King Canute.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    You won’t hear a farmer complain
    They’ve a credo they always maintain:
    “If yer not feelin’ right
    Do not get uptight
    Cuz a beer will cure any ‘ole pain”

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Damn toxins get right to the root
    And damage the veggies and fruit
    So on Earth Day we tried
    To just throw them aside
    And a worm gave a grateful salute

  68. Bill Pfeil says:

    The heist of all times used a chute.
    Dan Cooper they’re still in pursuit.
    Intrigued with the mystery
    We privately hope he
    Forever absconds with the loot.

  69. Bill Pfeil says:

    Oops.

    The heist of all times used a chute.
    Dan Cooper they’re still in pursuit.
    Intrigued with the myst’ry
    Some privately hope he
    Forever absconds with the loot.

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    A farmer’s hot daughter named Jan
    Has amorous times in her van.
    On one given day
    Any number can play,
    With straw-drawing part of the plan.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Dad is a masterful plower
    And nothing can make this man cower
    He is also real clean
    Has a special routine:
    A garden hose for a good shower

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    We went to steal all of the loot
    And planned our strategic pursuit
    But on Facebook, dumb Frank
    Said, “We’re robbin’ the bank”
    (He’s not what you’d call real astute)

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    modified version of a previous limerick

    “E-mail To Low-Tech Savings and Loan”

    My scheme was just simply divine
    It was flawless with perfect design:
    I have stolen your loot
    I’m extremely astute
    It was easy; I did it online

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Cow Meditation”

    My farm is my “love” and my home
    But I own a weird cow named Jerome
    He is very religious
    And strangely prodigious
    And all he can udder is “OM”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Cow Meditation: Part 2”

    My farm is my “love” and my home
    But I own a weird cow named Jerome
    He wears a white toga
    And practices yoga
    And all he can udder is “OM”

  76. Tim Gray says:

    Farming on an industrial scale
    Has a trick that never will fail.
    Get the thing up and running,
    With the subsidy coming,
    Then flick it in a very quick sale.

  77. Tim Gray says:

    Being boss is a bit of a perk
    As you can farm out the work,
    And if it goes wrong,
    You can shout loud and strong,
    And blame it on some other jerk.

  78. Tim Gray says:

    If you want to have extra clout,
    Don’t do all yourself, farm it out.
    You then have the perk;
    “Many hands make light work”,
    That’s much more effective, no doubt.

  79. Tim Gray says:

    The Ayatollah will not salute
    The President, but will dispute
    His mental facility,
    And temperamental fragility,
    All along while thumbing his snoot.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    (a modified limerick) “Farming Essentials” (L5)

    When seeding, you must wear old clothes
    You’ll get dirty, but that’s how it goes
    And make no mistake
    Don’t forget a good rake
    And it’s crucial to bring along hoes

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of pronouns of previous limerick

    Saw a produce truck speeding en route
    And I’m sure it contained stolen loot
    But the thief was real hot
    Kinda’ hit the right spot
    And he had real nice low-hanging fruit

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    My cow Sally is filled with much gloom
    In the farm, Sally needs her own room
    She is very dyslexic
    And quite anorexic
    (So frail, even can’t udder “OOM”)

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    My farm was becoming a joke
    Competition was making me broke
    So I sold it to Stu
    A real sucker who
    Didn’t notice the pig in the poke

  84. Mark G. Kane says:

    With one look; she will render men mute.
    Why is that? Well she’s stunningly cute.
    And she’ll squeal with delight,
    When a man’s pants grow tight
    From his sudden strong urge to salute.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Got rid of my old nasty pig
    He was rank and disgustingly big
    He harassed all the hens
    Mauled them right in their pens
    He was just a male chauvinist prig

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry time that I spot Farmer Pete
    I run to his truck for a treat
    He feels very secure
    Cuz he always makes sure
    That his doggie rides “shotgun front seat”

  87. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Symphonic Brain Freeze”

    I must give my hands a salute
    My brain just forgot “Magic Flute”
    Then my fingers went walking
    And did all the talking
    And rescued my tuneful pursuit

  89. Tim James says:

    A house of so-called ill repute
    Saw its business go straight down the chute.
    Seems the rooms were unclean,
    The girls surly and mean,
    The libations extremely dilute.

  90. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 325. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Screen.

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