Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STEAL or STEEL at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STEAL or STEEL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEENS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TEEN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 21, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 20, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal made attempts to conceal
Her marital motives with zeal;
She wanted a guy
Who was rich and could buy
All she wanted or, failing that, steal.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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86 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STEAL or STEEL at the end of any one line”

  1. David Reddekopp says:

    The man did not know how to feel
    He was filled up with Communist zeal
    Was it really that silly
    For this man, Dzhugashvili,
    To label himself, “Man of Steel”?

    (Stalin, for those who haven’t figured it out.)

  2. Fred Bortz says:

    Our city, once known for its steel,
    Succeeds ‘cause we know what is real.
    So please don’t embarrass
    With “Pittsburgh, not Paris,”
    You fraud who wrote “Art of the Deal.”

    This is my response to our so-called President’s statement when he withdrew from the Paris accords, when he asserted: “I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.”

    He doesn’t know Pittsburgh!

  3. David Reddekopp says:

    To be sixteen again, I’ll explain
    Why a wish of that sort is in vain
    I would spend every week
    Of my sexual peak
    With my gland in my hand, once again.

  4. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A young man full of vigor and zeal
    From a young girl a kiss he did steal.
    Then got carried away,
    Thought he’d try for a lay,
    Had to settle for copping a feel.

  5. Clark Kent is the Man of Steel.
    The Donald’s the Man of Steal.
    Forget x-ray vision!
    Stuporman’s mission
    is much harder: to cop a feel.

  6. As everyone knows, in our teens
    parents’ warnings are worth less than beans.
    When our passions ignite
    there’s no use to recite
    holy verses. The lust’s in our genes!

  7. brian allgar says:

    Donald’s book called “The Art of the Deal”
    Is a typical braggardly spiel.
    “It’ll teach you poor suckers,
    You sad motherfuckers,
    How to lie, and to cheat, and to steal.”

    In his new book, “The Art of the Feel”,
    He explains how to make women squeal –
    “Just grab ’em real firm
    By the pussy, they’ll squirm!” –
    In the chapter named “Fingers of Steel”.

  8. brian allgar says:

    Roy Moore has a craving for teens;
    Oh, the charm of those tight little jeans
    On the sweet pre-pubescent!
    He’s always tumescent,
    And getting his under-age greens.

    “I’ve been libelled by sick magazines,”
    He insists. “So I go for fourteens?
    ‘Let the little kids cum’,
    Jesus said. I ain’t dumb –
    That’s what true Christianity means.”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    I don’t mean to sound bourgeois
    But it felt like my last hurrah
    As a flat-chested teen
    Who was pitifully lean
    I stuffed toilet paper in my bra

  10. Judith H Block says:

    A lout thought her heart he could steal,
    By kissing and then copping a feel.
    Any chances he blew
    In this age of #Me, too!
    She slapped this presumptuous heel.

  11. Judith H Block says:

    Things were better when I was a teen,
    Real hopes for peace and fairness were seen.
    We marched against oppression,
    Political aggression,
    It’s tragic to know what might have been.

  12. Judith H Block says:

    Crude Trump’s book, “The Art of the Deal”
    Is really the art of the STEAL.
    People, companies cheated,
    Bankruptcies, repeated.
    Then and now, a despicable heel.

  13. Kirk Miller says:

    New steel coasters have really impressed
    Horny women. But soon they confessed
    Liking wood more than steel,
    And exclaim with much zeal
    They like riding a woodie the best.

  14. Matthew Zimmer says:

    I have a new girlfriend for real
    Her virginity I’m planning to steal
    When we go to the prom
    Please don’t tell my mom
    All that shouting will ruin the appeal

    First I will ask her to kneel
    Next to my bedframe made out of steel
    “We’ll have to be quiet”
    “It’s so small, that’s a riot!”
    She said when I took out my eel

  15. Fred Bortz says:

    “Dear parents,” advises the sage,
    “You know that your teens will engage
    In actions erotic.
    Just don’t be despotic.
    Remember you once were their age.”

  16. Sharon Neeman says:

    If I were a robot of steel,
    I wouldn’t eat chicken or veal.
    Plugged in for an hour,
    I’d rest and re-power.
    Electrons: the true vegan meal.

  17. brian allgar says:

    Trump invited the hooker to kneel
    While he fed her his “member of steel”,
    But he couldn’t get hard,
    And she told the dotard
    “Gee, it’s more of a snack than a meal.”

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Croupier was accused of trying to steal
    Black Jack money from “Casino Lucille”
    He finally confessed
    That his answer was “yes”
    And said he was skillful at the “art of the deal”

  19. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Do ya wanna get BEE-hind the wheel?
    Come on in and you’ll get a great deal!
    You’ll pay nothing today,
    Drive it home right away.
    Now ya gotta admit that’s a steal!

  20. Dan Julian says:

    I’ve a nephew who’s only eighteen
    ‘Hind the ears he is certainly green
    Yet he thinks that he knows
    Ev’ry way the wind blows
    And plays lead in most every scene

  21. brian allgar says:

    He promised he never would steal
    From your healthcare? Poor voters, get real;
    With tax cuts of trillions,
    You’ll die by the millions
    As Donald destroys the New Deal.

  22. brian allgar says:

    “I’m a genius!” is Donald’s new spiel.
    “My mind is as stable as steel!”
    But how can we trust
    Steel that’s eaten by rust
    Used to make a triangular wheel?

  23. brian allgar says:

    (An old one …)

    The bishop had pawned his wide-screen
    For the check for that gorgeous young teen.
    He expected to mate,
    But he found out too late
    He’d been rooked, for the “girl” was a queen.

  24. brian allgar says:

    (Another old one, ALMOST on topic …)

    She admitted “I’ll tell you no lies;
    It was quite an unwelcome surprise
    When he pulled out his wienie,
    Pathetically teenie –
    What matters for me is the size.”

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dave was a total heel
    He would lie and he would steal
    To the girls he wasn’t kind
    He had naughty things in mind
    So we called him “David Cop- Her -Feel”

  26. Tim James says:

    A fellow was trying to steal
    A kiss (and much more) from Lucille.
    Though he coaxed and cajoled,
    It just didn’t take hold.
    In his spiel she found little appeal.

    Well, he’s only sixteen. My own line
    At that age wasn’t polished or fine.
    I remember the urge
    When those hormones would surge…

  27. Lisi Nortman says:


    Nothing is sacred anymore
    All my son wants to do is “SCORE”
    I said, “Take my advice:
    Girls are real nice”
    But he seems to like baseball much more.

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    Republicans managed to steal
    Our future with one rotten deal.
    The tax cut they cheer
    Lets the rest of us hear
    How Greedy Old Pigs love to squeal.

  29. Sharon Neeman says:

    Trump and sex, sex and Trump — do you mind?
    Can we leave these two topics behind?
    If you aren’t a teen,
    “Mad’s Lim Contest” should mean
    A fun place to relax and unwind!

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    From the collection box I did steal
    Thirty dollars for a nice hearty meal
    So I ordered a steak
    Did she make a mistake?
    Those deviled eggs didn’t have much appeal

  31. Lisi Nortman says:


    Did the Croupier try to steal
    Black Jack funds from Casino Lucille?
    He finally confessed
    That his was answer was “Yes,
    I’m just skilled at the art of the deal”

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    When he studies for tests, high school teen
    Likes to eat food with lots of caffeine;
    Says such food is the best
    To prepare for a test.
    The boy calls it his favorite quizine.

  33. Sharon Neeman says:

    In the sixties, when I was a teen,
    I complained that my parents were mean.
    Now my grandkids complain
    That my kids are insane,
    And my parents are gone from the scene.

  34. Sharon Neeman says:

    “He betrayed me!” fumed Joanie O’Neill;
    “First I’ll stab him, then carve him piecemeal!”
    Her plot foundered: poor Joan
    Had no knife of her own,
    And she knew it was sinful to steal.

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    Ol’ Marvin is tryin’ to dress
    Like a teen or some hipster, I guess.
    He prances and preens
    In them skinny black jeans,
    While his gut overlooks the whole mess.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Home Room” seems so long ago
    Attendance was taken and voices were low
    Now with skyping
    The teachers are griping
    You can be seen at high school and not even show

  37. Sharon Neeman says:

    They said “Granny, you’re old for this scene,”
    But I’m sure I don’t know what they mean.
    Yes, I was fifty-nine
    Just five years ago. Fine!
    That now makes me fifty-fourteen.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was sick of guys who were real
    So I got me one made of steel
    I thought I’d finally get laid
    But I was quite dismayed
    Here in bed with another schlemiel

  39. Lisi Nortman says:


    I remember Peter McNeil
    Afraid of the girls (so unreal !)
    But when I was alone
    Wearing sexy cologne
    A kiss on my cheek he doth steal

  40. Sharon Neeman says:

    A teen told me “Coffee with lime
    Is useful at hangover time.”
    It’s good information —
    But what consternation!
    This teen’s more drink-savvy than I’m!

  41. Diane Groothuis says:

    They sold off the place for a steal
    That London New Embassy deal.
    But the vendor’s new site
    Put them in a plight
    More security! Are you for real?

  42. Diane Groothuis says:

    The Doc asked her “How do you feel?
    How long since you’ve eaten a meal?”
    So she tried to explain
    Why she had to refrain
    “His food needs a guts made of steel”

  43. Lisi Nortman says:


    60’s Home Room seems so long ago
    Attendance was taken by Mr. Monroe
    But now with skyping
    The teachers are griping
    You can be seen at school and not even show

  44. Lisi Nortman says:


    Nothing is sacred anymore
    All my son wants to do is “score”
    I said, “Take my advice;
    Girls are nice”
    But he seems to like baseball much much more !

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    My bionic lover was made of steel
    He definitely had a unique sort of “feel”
    Now he’s hazardous waste
    Who’s been displaced
    Maybe my choice wasn’t very ideal

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    We used to gaze at the stars above
    With Bill I was happy as a dove
    But one day in July
    He made me cry
    Why must I be a teenager in love?

  47. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a teenager, Grace,
    With pimples all over the place.
    Zits were very widespread.
    Dermatologist said
    That acne’s a problem to face.

  48. Sharon Neeman says:

    Yes, I laugh — but my laughter is wry —
    At some things the Great Orange lets fly:
    Like a boy in his teens
    Who eats too many beans
    And breaks wind when the teacher goes by.

  49. Mike Shulman says:

    Wayne Bobbitt’s horrendous ordeal
    Caused lecherous husbands to reel;
    Most hid their knives
    Out of sight of their wives,
    While others wore skivvies of steel.

  50. P Diane Schneider says:

    The teen: “Let me tell you the deal.
    I had no intention to steal.
    When you told my dad
    I knew I’d been had
    Now let me show you the weal.”

  51. P Diane Schneider says:

    He says “That report isn’t real.”
    “Let’s talk about Art of the Deal”
    (I never said shit-hole)
    (It could have been tit mole)
    “Why not buy my book? It’s a steal!”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:


    My French teacher, Mr. Bleu
    Said, “I’ll give you an A whatever you do
    If you promise to study
    And be my buddy”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: That’s My French teacher Mr. BLEU Please change
    in previous limerick Thank You

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    Remember when copping a feel,
    You might get a wink or a squeal.
    Or maybe a bop
    If you’re feeling a cop
    Who’s keeping abreast of the steal.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:


    My French teacher, Mr. Bleu
    Said, “I’ll give you an A; here’s a clue:
    Promise you’ll study
    And be my buddy
    Those are my rules, Jean: comprenez-vous?”

  56. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Under guard, watched behind bars of steal,
    The inmate sighs and eyes his last meal
    Thinking, “How could I know
    I’d end up on Death Row
    Where even the food has no appeal?!”

  57. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    The sales agent assured, “It’s a great deal,
    Get investment advice and a free meal,
    Give us a bit of your time
    And we will take your last dime —
    Our financial plan is solid as steel!”

  58. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    She exuded such vast sex appeal
    No man’s heart was there she could not steal,
    Later though each victim claimed
    He’d been robbed, she escaped blame
    And all at her love altar still kneel.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    In high school I studied Thoreau
    And Edgar Allen Poe
    But since I was busty
    On this you can trust me:
    Guys don’t give a crap what you know

  60. Sharon Neeman says:

    In this foul wintry storm that I dread,
    As I work with sick joints and sore head,
    I recall: in my teens,
    When I woke to such scenes,
    I’d feign fever and go back to bed.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Joan learned to drive”, said my spouse
    “Sit with her, but be quiet as a mouse”
    We didn’t go far
    When she hit another car
    And we hadn’t even left the house

  62. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Joan learned to drive” said my spouse
    “Sit with her, but be STILL as a mouse”
    We didn’t go far
    When she hit a car
    And we hadn’t even left the house

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    A welder who lived in Mobile,
    Was known for his fingers of steel.
    When lovers were bruised
    From his fondles, he mused:
    “I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel.”

  64. Kirk Miller says:

    Ricky’s wallet the missus did steal.
    R. Ricardo then made this appeal:
    “That’s a bad thing to do.
    I am nervous ’cause you
    Picked a bad time to thieve me, Lucille.”

  65. P Diane Schneider says:

    I’m on-call and traffic is real
    But I go to my job sites with zeal
    At fifteen miles per
    I inch along (grrr)
    ‘Cause I’m still the Woman of Steel

  66. Mary mcgarvey says:

    A spin on a 1920’s classic:

    A transvestite teen in full bloom,
    Took a lesbian Up to his room.
    They argued all night
    Over who has the right
    To do what and with what and with whom.

  67. Mary mcgarvey says:

    The prolific romances by Steele
    Have that rich-and-famous appeal.
    The writing’s pure dross
    But that hardly spells “loss”.
    What she makes on film rights is the deal!

  68. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Take a hair, and at most, I might squeal,
    But a kidney’s a much bigger deal.
    Though a lung is too dear,
    I will lend you an ear,
    And my heart you are welcome to steal.

  69. Sharon Neeman says:

    I once had a boss made of steel —
    Till her soft spot, akin to the heel
    Of Achilles, was shown
    When I passed her my phone
    With a pic of my Dane pup, Big Neil.

    (Poetic license disclosure: he was a St. Bernard and his name was Ralphie…)

  70. Sharon Neeman says:

    And here’s one for the translators among us:

    Ugh, this technical text — what a bore!
    Please, dear Internet Gods, I implore:
    Let my Googling reveal
    There’s a version to steal
    That’s been rendered in English before.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can’t think of a limerick using “steal”
    Just one that might appeal
    To the greater mass
    And those with “class’
    Which might be uniquely ideal

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Do your homework then go to bed!”
    That’s what his father emphatically said!
    But dad didn’t know
    That a girl named “Flo”
    Was up there hiding under the spread

  73. Dave Johnson says:

    Lisi – re: your posting above:

    This is a true story. Years ago, my wife and I were doing a real estate
    preview of a new listing in Seattle. It was a weekday afternoon and a teenage boy answered the door when we arrived. He reluctantly let us in
    and we looked around, eventually arriving at a bedroom upstairs. There was clearly a human form underneath the bedspread with a pair of feet
    (red toenails) sticking out. We didn’t say anything, but lingered awhile, admiring the drapes, etc. while the kid turned white as a sheet. We thanked him and left, laughing all the way home!

  74. Mark Kane says:

    Trump was sure he could make Schumer kneel.
    Play by Play, it’s the ‘Art of the Steal.’
    But surprise, Dems got wise,
    And opened their eyes.
    Once they saw, they announced, “Nope, No Deal!”

  75. Sharon Neeman says:

    With no corset of whalebone or steel,
    Comfy shoes with round toe and low heel,
    No tight jeans, no boned bra,
    I look… healthy! A-ha!
    (And my spouse loves the soft way I feel.)

  76. Sharon Neeman says:

    Mad? Why is my last limerick “awaiting moderation”? Because it mentions unmentionables?


    From Mad: Probably. My blog software has a mind of its own. Sorry about that! It’s on my blog now.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    In all of our hearts he did steal
    A special crush: (so unreal)
    With those gorgeous blue eyes
    As bright as the skies
    The “verdict”: This man had appeal

    (who is he?)

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    I got a “D” from Mr. Chong
    Who said that I didn’t belong
    In his English class
    (I could never pass)
    And I still don’t know what I done wrong

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    MAD rush to the finish!!!

    I can’t think of a limerick WITH “steal”!!
    A poem with universal appeal
    For the greater mass
    And for those with class
    Which might be uniquely ideal

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    In court she did appeal
    And tried to make a “deal”
    “I was caught by the fuzz
    And on a terrific buzz
    I just wanted a cop to feel”

  81. Lisi Nortman says:



  82. Dave Johnson says:

    Our “leader” just blusters and preens;
    No question – he doesn’t know beans.
    A cretinous dope
    Who someday may hope
    His ratings climb up to the teens.

  83. David Reddekopp says:

    I am a young boy of thirteen
    All the kids here are really quite mean
    They have really been cruel
    In my Catholic school
    But the adults are simply obscene

    As the days pass, my terror’s increased
    For the clergy are never policed
    So you see, it’s a race
    To come first on my face
    Will the winner be zits, or the priest?

  84. David Reddekopp says:

    His chances of winning weren’t real
    So Trump made a traitorous deal
    It’s his country he’s lootin’
    He called Mr. Putin
    He had an election to steal.

  85. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    “In teens, these hormonal effects
    Are often extremely complex,”
    Related Doc Gimpel,
    “But kids keep it simple:
    It’s either a pimple or sex.”

  86. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 290.

    Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Penned.