Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A nurse who would often complain
About doctors was ordered to rein
In her practice, or face
Being sacked in disgrace.
She got bloodied in court — sued in vain.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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99 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Kirk Miller says:

    A stallion was going insane
    While flirting with fillies in vain.
    Said the horse, named Hilyer,
    “Your pace looks familiar,
    But I cannot remember your mane.”

  2. Kirk Miller says:

    Boy brushed paint on his stomach; he’s vain.
    “It is permanent,” parents complain.
    Sis chose not to do it.
    I s’pose that you knew it
    Was a case where they both did abstain.

  3. Kirk Miller says:

    I’m in love with my neighbor named Jane,
    But entreaties to her are in vain.
    There’s much heartbreak for me.
    In my house I will be
    Looking out of my window through the pain.

  4. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s an egotist who is so vain
    And self-centered he’s really a pain.
    Since he talks without end
    ‘Bout himself, people tend
    To avoid him. It’s too much I strain.

  5. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a woman named Jane,
    From heroin couldn’t refrain.
    She attempted to quit,
    But then had to admit
    Her efforts were, sadly, in vein.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    (I make no apology for using two famous (though apocryphal) spoonerisms.)

    Dr Spooner would struggle in vain
    With his speech, and was heard to complain:
    “You’re not students, you’re germs –
    You have tasted two worms,
    And must leave by the soonest town drain.”

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    Though Ken Starr ran a vicious campaign,
    The impeachment attempt was in vain,
    And President Clinton,
    Unlike his poor intern,
    Left office with nary a stain.

    (The last line may be thought arguable …)

  8. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When angry, just don’t go insane
    If so, you just might pop a vein
    So, to avoid death
    Just take a deep breath
    And from all sharp objects abstain.

  9. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My race can be kind and humane
    But other times, bitch and complain
    A German who’ll pout
    Is a mean sour kraut
    To cheer one would be done in vain.

  10. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Snow White’s stepmother was vain
    A queen who was mean and insane
    She talked to a mirror
    And seemed to be nearer
    A borderline nutcase in pain.

  11. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A self-loving rooster’s terrain
    A barn roof to look o’er the plain
    His calling he’d found
    As the wind blows him ’round
    He’s a proud cocky smug weathervain.

  12. Suzanne Heymann says:

    This humor blog made by MadKane
    It endlessly will entertain
    Though I’ve never won
    To read them is fun
    And writing them’s never in vain.

  13. David Reddekopp says:

    Most think taking drugs is insane
    For they know it’ll mess with their brain
    It’s advice which sounds funky
    To a heroin junkie
    They won’t take it – unless it’s in vein.

  14. David Reddekopp says:

    Damn, I was beaten to it…

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    Count Dracula pounced in the lane,
    And she felt in her arm a sharp pain.
    “Don’t worry”, he quipped
    As he nibbled and sipped,
    “I am just in a humerus vein”.

  16. David Reddekopp says:

    Mad’s seen this one before, a couple months ago, written as a thank-you for re-igniting my passion for limerick-writing. But it actually qualifies for this week’s contest.

    At one time I was wracking my brain
    When composing a verse, ’twas in vain
    I’ve recovered my muse
    Which I feared I would lose
    And it’s all thanks to Madeleine Kane.

  17. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Humerus vein
    good one Brian

  18. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Bird Brain Farmer

    A farmer who found the right vein
    of his girl, he found way too vain
    built a tall tower
    for clean pure power
    and used her stiff body as vane.

  19. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A nerdy professor who’s vain
    And crazy and runs on propane
    He’s limping in pain
    And he swears with disdain
    He’s a profane, insane brain with cane.

  20. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Good health is not hard to maintain
    It helps if you’re just a bit vain
    That way you’ll look good
    And feel great like you should
    Healthy food, exercise and less strain.

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    She attempted to diet in vain;
    Whenever she felt hunger pain,
    She just gobbled up snacks.
    Like the moon, she would wax,
    But she never could manage to wane.

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo was modest, not vain.
    “Of my body I cannot complain.
    But my surgeon is swell
    With the silicone gel,
    So I’ve asked him to implant a brain.”

  23. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    Her blood she asked him to drain
    “No thanks,” he exclaimed, “ I’ll abstain.”
    You look much too gaunt
    Full-figured I want
    A meal of a different vein.

  24. Judith H. Block says:

    The male peacock’s strut is so vain
    To arouse the peahen with his train
    He’d strut to and fro
    Stunning feathers to show.
    And then do it all once again.

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    The rooster on a weather vane
    Makes lovely, what could have been plain.
    It’s just symbolic
    Of country, bucolic.
    The wind course would show just the same.

  26. Judith H. Block says:

    I don’t think I’m flighty or vain,
    I just give my daydreams free rein.
    Creative and wild
    Seduced and beguiled
    As long as I don’t seem mundane.

  27. Judith H. Block says:

    He’d rather smoke Mary Jane
    Then shoot up some dope in his vein
    But neither is good
    That he understood.
    The smart thing to do is abstain.

  28. Judith H. Block says:

    A guy who was wealthy and vain
    Tried wooing with jewels and champagne.
    But his words were crude
    His actions were lewd.
    Her only response was disdain.

  29. Kathy El-Assal says:

    ‘Twas apparent she wasn’t Mark Twain.
    Her attempts to get laughs were in vain.
    So she wrote a French thriller
    With taxi cab killer
    Who drives all his victims in Seine.

  30. cphenly says:

    A coxcomb incredibly vain
    Strutted hither and yon with his cane.
    Though the smart little cock
    Was the cock of the walk,
    It transpired he was nothing but vane.

  31. Kirk Miller says:

    “Shear my coat?” thought the horse, “That’s insane!”
    She resisted; alas, ’twas in vain.
    After horse had been shorn,
    She was sad and forlorn,
    And her cry was Remember The Mane!

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    The compression socks worn by Lorraine
    Were designer-made, didn’t look plain.
    She wore them each day,
    Caused people to say
    That the reason’s because she’s so vein.

  33. Kathy El-Assal says:

    Her assignment, in French, La Fontaine:
    To study a crow who is vain.
    “Corbeau” drops his “fromage”
    When fox praises “plumage.”
    En Franglais, one would say, “Quel birdbrain!”

  34. Adam Stern says:

    Pity Buckingham, hoping to gain
    Favor, after the princes were slain.
    But his hopes came to naught;
    Dick the Third pissed he got,
    And admonished, “I’m not in the vein.”

    (“Richard III”, Act IV, Scene 2)

  35. Alan Hochbaum says:

    Random thoughts of love exit the brain
    Causing many who think them chest pain
    It’s certain that Cupid
    Believes that it’s stupid
    To shoot off his arrows in vein.

  36. David Reddekopp says:

    Young Gary (a gay guy, it’s plain)
    Once tried a vagina, in vain
    It just wouldn’t stick
    He’s addicted to dick
    He won’t go near a girl’s gash again.

  37. David Reddekopp says:

    Mad, would it be okay if I gave you a choice on this one? Add it to my previous verse if you feel it makes it better, and if not, then don’t.

    One time from the sky men would rain
    In the wind they would wax and would wane
    And he knows where he goes
    Where the wind (like him) blows
    He will just have to follow the vane.

    He once met a wanker named Wayne
    And had lost all the blood to his brain
    It rerouted instead
    To his huge lower head
    And would stick in his thick throbbing vein.

  38. Suzanne Heymann says:

    An actress who looks like MadKane
    (I am sure it would not make her vain)
    Her double/ her clone
    From ‘Romancing the Stone’
    I believe Kathleen Turner’s her name.

    (no, not an attempt to butter her up
    I say what I see; go yourself, look it up)


    (From Mad Kane: Now you’ve gone and made me blush. :) Thanks Suzanne!)

  39. Jon Gearhart says:

    For golfers who’ve struggled in vain
    I’ve decided to finally explain
    My special golf diet.
    I know once they try it
    That par snips on greens they’ll retain.

  40. Vanity
    It is not in your blood, running through any major vein
    Vanity is not in a heart but in mind, it should not reign
    Feeling superiour you will find, you will wind up, worse
    A bad trait mainly does, because, no blessing, a curse
    Keep blood inside your veins, no use for a blood stain

    Henk Prijs

  41. Colonialist says:

    In vain he consulted the vane
    In seeking a windfall to gain;
    With Lady Luck, though,
    You never do know,
    And, done in that vein, it’s a pain.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama said not to be vain
    It’s better to be a “plain Jane”

    But overall
    I still had a ball

    She failed to tell me “Don’t abstain”

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    One gal is extremely vain
    The other one is kind of plain

    Be as it may
    We all must pray

    Till the end of the campaign

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    I learned to never be vain
    And of course to always abstain

    I had a girl
    And named her Pearl

    It must have been the champagne

  45. Bob Dvorak says:

    I’ve struggled at length, but in vain:
    Is the Donald an ass, or insane?
    But what media sells
    Ain’t his open-mouthed yells,
    But the size of his overdone mane.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband is very vain
    Sometimes inhumane

    I must admit
    I’m quite a twit

    I’m always yanking his chain

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    The nurse couldn’t find my vein
    And then she became inhumane

    She jabbed me so hard
    I was permanently scarred

    The doc said, “You’re fired, Miss Jane”

  48. Often dubbed ‘the best movie ever made’ – ‘Citizen Kane’
    About a rich man wanting love yet tries to buy it, in vain
    Orson Welles, the way he tells, swell, making intellect sell
    In interviews he did not dwell, success to him seemed hell
    Modesty is a rosebud in a strong brain yet it drives insane

    Henk Prijs

  49. Phil Graham says:

    When you’re having abdominal pain
    Before cat-scan, you get dye in vein
    This helps them to see
    Why it hurts when you pee
    And insures that you won’t die in vain.

  50. Phil Graham says:

    I stood on my roof in the rain
    Showing off my Bean clothes made in Maine
    Wife yelled, “This is fright’ning!
    What if there’s some lightning?
    I cannot believe you’re so vane.”

  51. David Reddekopp says:

    When God said “Don’t take My name in vain”
    He did not even try to explain
    What He goddamn well meant
    Christ, how will I prevent
    My committing a sin so profane?

  52. David Reddekopp says:

    If you book her, the hooker will gain
    Every drop from your dick she could drain
    Not a gram left of goo hid
    She would sap all your fluid
    Be it cum or blood from every vein.

  53. David Reddekopp says:

    What’s that object obscured by the rain?
    If the question is breaking your brain
    To determine the wind
    Raise your hand, then rescind
    You’ll find out (if you doubt) whether vane.

  54. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Knock On Wood

    a young stud who hurried in vain
    to dump his sweet load in Lorane
    some six hours later
    lay in a crater
    now bedboard was holding back gain.

  55. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    a young stud who hurried in vain
    to dump his sweet load in Lorane
    some six hours later
    lay in a crater
    Lorane, not in pain, just a stain.

    My condolences :-))

  56. Phil Graham says:

    A monarch from Denmark (not vain)
    In her reign suffered serfs with no pain
    When they’d visit their liege
    She’d use noblesse oblige
    Which gave us the term, “A Great Deign.”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Donald Trump is so extremely vain
    That when it started to rain

    He put on a bonnet
    With gold trim upon it

    Which he acquired during his illustrious reign

  58. Brian Allgar says:

    They claimed it was fast and humane
    As the needle slipped into his vein,
    But the drugs were defective;
    The prison directive?
    Two aspirin to help with the pain.

  59. Brian Allgar says:

    They claimed it was fast and humane
    As the needle slipped into his vein,
    But the drugs were defective;
    The prison directive?
    Two aspirin to help with the pain.

    … Struggling with my wife ´s new iPad

  60. Brian Allgar says:

    The pilot had shot up a vein
    And had trouble controlling the plane.
    He was looping the loop
    With a hillbilly whoop,
    And I wished had taken the train.

  61. James Rose says:

    I complain of the weather in vain.
    What good does it do to complain?
    If its raining or blazing
    Snowing or hazing
    My weather vane shafts me, madkane.

  62. Brian Allgar says:

    (The Reader’s Digest version)

    “You are welcome, my Lord”, said the Thane.
    But that evening, they slit Duncan’s vein.
    “You are King by his death”‘
    Gloated Lady Macbeth,
    “Until Birnam Wood reach Dunsinane.”

  63. Brian Allgar says:

    “I am not in the limerick vein”,
    Brian Allgar was heard to complain.
    Then something quite horrid
    Appeared on his forehead –
    The much-to-be-feared mark of Kane!

    (No, no, Madeleine, I was’t referring to THAT Mark!)

  64. Colonialist says:

    Improvement on my previous version, but in the same vein!

    In vain he consulted the vane
    In seeking a windfall to gain;
    But how winds will blow,
    One never can know,
    So, done in that vein, it’s a pain.

  65. Marty McCullen says:

    I tried to get off of the plane,
    But bumped into Madeleine Kane.
    She talked all day long.
    My judgment was wrong
    I ended up somewhere in Spain.

  66. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    In vain I am wracking my brain
    I’m vain but I’m making no gain
    I have not a doubt
    it cometh to nought
    God, detox my Limerick vein!

  67. David Reddekopp says:

    The scene is darlin’, it’s set in Arlen:

    Hank Hill’s spent his life in propane
    The stage of Bill’s sloth is insane
    Dale and John Redcorn quibble
    Over Nancy Hicks-Gribble
    Try to understand Boomhauer, in vain.

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    You have to be very vain
    To join the current campaign

    You should bleach your hair,
    Find trendy things to wear

    Then try not to go insane

  69. Tim James says:

    Henry Higgins enunciates “rain”
    Then he goes on and on in that vein.
    His repeated refrain
    On the weather in Spain
    In the main gives me pain. Is that plain?

  70. Cynthia Kennedy says:

    From the castle where the king would reign,
    Appeared a dark shadow by the window pane.
    As it passed slowly by,
    It sort of waved bye-bye,
    At its reflection, now isn’t that vain?

  71. Cynthia Kennedy says:

    Kelly kept staring at the weather vane,
    To see her reflection, oh, how vain!
    It was spinnin, and spinnin,
    She leaned in and put her chin in,
    But, it caught her neck and sliced her jugglar vein.

  72. Tim James says:

    She regards me with utter disdain.
    I, in turn, think she’s empty and vain.
    I admit that she’s hot
    But her main mode of thought
    Is a tricycle more than a train.

  73. David Reddekopp says:

    Not the kind of thing you wanna learn by experience.

    Don’t sever your jugular vein
    Each moment brings me much more pain
    And it won’t stop hurting
    Too much blood is spurting
    Help soon, or it shuts down my brain.

  74. @Brian —

    Each night since the Old King was slain,
    They’ve been muttering words in this vein:
    “Out, brief candle / damn’d spot…!”
    A suspicion I’ve got
    The Macbeths aren’t totally Thane.

  75. We get high in a church, me ‘n’ Jane,
    And they catch us. We try to explain:
    “We’re just trippin’ on Jesus!”
    They still come and seize us,
    For “taking the Lord’s name in vein.”

  76. A fellow, exceedingly vain,
    Serenaded his own window-pane…
    But he failed to appear.
    The betrayal was clear —
    In a duel with himself, he was slain!

  77. Though the moralists used to complain
    ‘Bout the sensuous Fourth of Alfvén,
    Hugo wrote the above
    For his Mother (with love) —
    Three guesses which side was insane?

    (True story: Swedish composer Hugo Alfvén’s Fourth Symphony was considered almost pornographic when it was written, around the turn of the 20th century.)

  78. David Reddekopp says:

    The composer limericks aren’t my thing, but…

    Carl Nielsen would not work in vain
    His operas would entertain
    It’s clear he’s not doggin’
    It. In Copenhagen
    They deem him indeed a great Dane.

  79. David Reddekopp says:

    Happy birthday, Madeleine!

    It’s the birthday of Madeleine Kane
    As for giving her cake, I’d refrain
    For that many a candle
    The firemen can’t handle
    Their valiant efforts, in vain.

  80. madkane says:

    LOL! Thanks for writing me a birthday limerick David!
    Too many candles, indeed! :)

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hilary is known to be vain
    Her e-mails have much to explain

    Her secret notes
    May cause her votes

    It’s time for eminent domain

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Nurse Priss jabbed my incorrect vein
    She panicked and had to explain

    But blood spewed everywhere
    And to her shameful despair

    It caused a hole in her brain

  83. John Armstrong says:

    As Dracula searched for a vein
    He gazed upon Harriet Vane
    Lord Peter said, “My God!”
    Ran him through with a rod
    But the selfie was totally vain

  84. Phil Graham says:

    At a party I acted urbane
    But it went against one woman’s grain
    I just wore a cravat
    In the shade ‘apricot’
    And it made Carly sing, “You’re so vain.”

  85. Fred Bortz says:

    Count Vlad was once heard to complain
    That they blame him when someone is slain.
    “Had a bite with my buddy
    So my fangs came out bloody.”
    His protest was largely in vein.

  86. Bob Dvorak says:

    Said the rooster who sat on the vane,
    “It’s my job, so I deal with the rain.
    But tornadoes I fear,
    Killing sunshine and cheer:
    Dizzy spinning doth drive me insane.”

  87. Allen Wilcox says:

    He tried texting while driving in vain.
    It seemed too much strain on his brain.
    He tried using crack
    To get back on track.
    His bewildered last testing was “TRAIN”.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s not so smart for a gal to be vain
    Her friends will view her with much disdain

    She might feel lonely
    But she’ll be the only

    One who’s drinking imported champagne

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    I don’t mean to sound very vain
    But my best friend treats me like the Queen of Spain

    She has such compassion
    In a heartfelt fashion

    Her name is Lola: my loving Great Dane

  90. Phil Graham says:

    “Why is it that you act so vain
    And refuse any screws when there’s rain?”
    Wife replied, “You see, dear,
    It makes bay window smear;
    I can think just of cleaning the pane.”

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    My hubby of 40 years
    Is handsome and rather vain

    When he started to cough
    His toupee fell off

    So now he’s trying Rogaine

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    The British are sometimes vain
    Some think Americans profane!

    They go to the loo
    Eat Mulligan stew

    And pronounce this: “now and agAAin”

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction :

    And pronounce this “now and agAAn”

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend is not really vain
    But sometimes he’s a great big pain

    He’s as cheap as they come
    So I had to succumb

    To a stroll down “Memory Lane”

  95. Phil Graham says:

    “Why is it that you act so vain
    And refuse me a fuck to obtain?
    It’s hard to get naughty
    With someone so haughty
    Do tell — have you ever been lain?”

  96. Phil Graham says:

    (Yes, I know the p.p. of lay is laid — but it doesn’t rhyme.)

  97. Tim James says:

    The Batman, it seems, is quite vain.
    He gained weight after battling Bane.
    He just went on a diet
    (Ms. Kyle bade him try it).
    His friends now are watching Bruce Wane.

  98. Tim James says:

    Young Hamlet, that sad, vengeful Dane,
    Capped his play in a murderous vein:
    Heaps of stiffs on the floor
    In a large pool of gore.
    Osric cried, “I won’t mop up that stain!”

  99. Allen Wilcox says:

    Californians worry in vain.
    It is water they have on the brain.
    They seek a solution
    To dryness pollution.
    They all wish that the gov’nor would reign.