Limerick Tale (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was telling a tale…

or

A woman was telling a tale…

Here’s mine:

Limerick Tale
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was telling a tale
Of the time that he landed in jail.
It was mostly untrue,
But he told it on cue
Cuz he thought that it made him sound male.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , ,

79 Responses to “Limerick Tale (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Thanks for your thoughts, Madeleine. If you visit my blog now you will see that I have done a poem that is somewhat larger that the average limerick. I actually split it into five separate posts.

    It is what Prague beer does to you.

    I will turn my mind to your limerick challenge a little later.

  2. ok i tried to write one but it was just to weird to post..haha…pirates and things like this…liked yours though..

  3. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of a letter he got in the mail
    Saying he won money,
    He really wanted a honey
    Cuz that night he wanted to make her wail

  4. hansi says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Over a frosty glass of ale.
    There he sat
    Talking of this and that
    So long that soon his glass of ale turned stale

  5. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    of looking for gas in some shale
    It seems she was fracking
    without any backing
    and now she has landed in jail.

  6. Roger Bannister says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    About trying to buy a strong ale
    But his credit was poor
    So they showed him the door
    As he couldn’t pay cash on the nail

  7. Thom says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of a man that was riding a whale
    As Pinocchio goes
    ’bout the poor boy’s nose
    She took off with the wind blowing her sail

  8. kestrel9000 says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    ‘Bout a fetching young hooker named Gail
    Though she did fill his need
    Soon it hurt when he peed
    She had nookie AND cooties for sale!

  9. Gaylee Wiesner says:

    A fellow was telling a tale,
    On Obama he’s hoping will fail.
    Jobs, Economy, Foreign Policy,
    Even the US mail.
    It’s all such lies and hate filled cries,
    A fellow who’s tale,
    Has grown as big a whale.

  10. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    About what it was like to be male
    He said ‘Females, of course,
    Are the real potent force
    And we’re very low on the scale.’

  11. Rinkly Rimes says:

    I’m intrigued by the fact that all the ‘tellers’ are male! Maybe the male sex gives rise to more hilarity than the female!

  12. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of buying a wife through the mail.
    He knew at first sight,
    That she wasn’t quite right.
    Cute bod? Yup, but not a female.

  13. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of buying bank stocks while on sale.
    With most folks racked with fears,
    He purchased more shares.
    No Risk! They were too big to fail.

  14. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of pictures he got through the mail.
    His girl was quite nude,
    After being a prude.
    Today’s manner of “Lifting the Veil”?

  15. Kathy El-Assal says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    And her subject, a two-timing male,
    Learned a lesson at last
    From aspersions she cast
    On equipment that sometimes did fail.

  16. A fellow was telling a tale
    On his big application to Yale
    He had biked across France,
    Taught the lame how to dance,
    And drunk rum from the real Holy Grail

  17. Andy says:

    Hello.
    Ah…those tales…bound to get you in trouble!
    Nice ending.

    I like visiting here when I need a few laughs!
    Thanks for sharing & for your visit/comment. I appreciate them.

    Undress Me With Your Sultry Eyes

  18. Deb Bixler says:

    A kid was telling a tale
    When Mom asked him to eat his kale
    He ate it all and asked for more
    It is gone he really swore
    Not telling who ate it was, Dale

  19. Linda Moss says:

    A woman was telling a tale,
    when down from her perch she just fell.
    she glanced all around,
    as the laughs did abound,
    he was sure she had landed in hell!

  20. Veralynne says:

    A woman was telling the tale
    Of the time she herself was on sale
    Miss Jane Pittman the teller
    A slave trader the seller
    In the world, sales we’ll never curtail.

  21. Matt Monitto says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    ‘Bout the time that he chased a white whale.
    “Aye, I caught it and slayed it,
    And then I filleted it!”
    Now this Ahab’s got blubber for sale.

  22. A woman was telling a tale
    Under the influence of Smithwick’s ale.
    She was loose with the odd fact
    But sure of the craic
    While her husband languished in jail.

  23. A fellow was telling a tale
    That was tiresome, ho-hum and stale,
    The gathering weren’t gaga
    At his voluble saga
    So they booed him till he started to quail.

  24. A woman was telling a tale
    How she nailed ev’ry young an’ rich male
    Till someone said, “Honey,
    Cut down your baloney,
    Just give us the barest detail”!

  25. Ginger (France) says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of fortune she spread by snail mail
    She put it on facebook
    T’was read as an e-book
    Her fame on the web is telltale!

  26. Ginger (France) says:

    A fellow was tellling a tale
    Of a dog without head or tail
    The pitiful poodle
    Just looked like a noodle
    A genesis trick of the tail!

  27. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow was telling a tale,
    Of a harlot he’d chanced to impale:
    “I had this erection;
    Alas! No protection!
    Next I knew, I was lifting her veil.”

  28. David says:

    There was a young chap with a pen
    who tried agen and agen
    to write a short verse
    without being terse
    but found it was out of his ken.

  29. Bruce Niedt says:

    In honor of Halloween:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    of a vampire he dated named Gail.
    She gave him a hickey
    but then it got sticky,
    and when she left – boy was he pale!

  30. andy sewina says:

    Nicely Mad, I’ll try and write one!

  31. andy sewina says:

    Okay, here’s a quick one:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    About how he oncw caught a whale
    By the look in his eyes
    You could tell it was lies
    But that didn’t hurt his book sale

  32. Bruce Niedt says:

    I know this is similar to another “hooker” poem that’s been posted, but I really didn’t read it before posting my own:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    of a hooker he hired named Dale.
    He came twice before dismount,
    so she gave him a discount –
    she was having a two-for-one sale!

  33. Elisa says:

    Funny comment about the male sex LOL!

    A woman was telling a tale
    about posting bail
    she had the money
    ’cause she’s a play bunny,
    who was far too good for jail.

  34. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of a fish he had caught. It was stale,
    that story he spun –
    To listeners no fun:
    “You’d have thought what he caught was a whale!”

  35. Yaffa Palti says:

    A woman was telling a tale,
    ‘Bout how much she hated her scale.
    She knows it dont lie
    But those numbers so high
    They just make her feel like a whale.

  36. Granny Smith says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of her shopping, when she’d never fail
    To buy THINGS she can’t use
    But just COULDN’T refuse.
    “But you SEE,” she explained, “’twas on sale!”

  37. Bruce Niedt says:

    Rewrite:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    of dating a vampire, Gail:
    She gave him a hickey
    but then it got sticky,
    and when she left – boy was he pale!

  38. William says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of riches to be made in oil shale.
    Mother Earth they’re attacking.
    Water poisoned with fracking.
    When they all should be begging for bail.

  39. Karin says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    On how he and his wife did fail
    With a contraceptive method–
    (BCP is what they tested)
    ‘Coz “he” took the pills not the “female”

  40. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    About finding the holiest grail
    He had tried hard to sup
    From Jesus’s cup
    But it leaked like a sieve, what a fail.

  41. Colleen Murphy says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of his freeloading brother named Dale
    Who came to his place
    And left not a trace,
    Including his dearest wife Gail.

  42. kaykuala says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of how she ensnared a silly male
    Do they expect
    A story of sex?
    No, just a generous provider during a sale

    Hank

  43. David McCormick says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of a date with a flesh-grabbing male:
    ‘Told him, “You with the paws!
    “Don’t go thinking because
    “This date’s ‘blind’ it’s okay to use Braille!”

  44. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was telling a tale:
    “Of the days when you’d win or you’d fail
    In the gridiron game
    When the summit of fame
    Was the showdown of Harvard and Yale.”

    “The roar of the Ivy League crowd,
    At the yardage denied or allowed,
    Would resound at the goal
    In the Field or the Bowl,
    As the Crimson or Blue sang aloud.”

    “But the passage of time slowly went,
    And Ivy League football was spent;”
    Said this fellow: “At least
    If we’re not the Big East,
    We can still be the top One Percent!”

    BTW, David McCormack’s limerick is absolutely brilliant!

  45. oudiva says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    To the cop who had put him in jail:
    “I broke in, you see,
    ‘Cause the dog ate my key.”
    The cop said, “No way you’ll make bail!”

  46. Bruce Niedt says:

    More Halloween fun:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    of a wolf bite he got on the trail.
    “Oh, I’ll feel better soon –
    Hey, what’s that? The full moon?”
    Now he’s growing a snout and a tail.

  47. J Sardo says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    About the day he finally set sail
    On a rickety boat
    That hardly could float,
    But skimmed o’er the waves on the back of a whale.

  48. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    ‘Bout a guy and one heck of a whale.
    Then I heard: Moby Dick?
    Click the TV off, quick!
    (I get seasick.) Oh yeah, gotta bail…

  49. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Though it followed no logical trail
    But his “999” hoax
    Worked to blow away folks
    And lend flatulent wind to his sail.

  50. Veralynne says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    ‘Bout how she had tripped on a nail
    She went down on her knees
    At the moment she sneezed
    In the barn out behind a hay bale.

  51. Veralynne says:

    A lady was telling a tale
    Of adventure: a night spent in jail.
    Though in fact a 1%er,
    At heart a dissenter,
    She was able to post her own bail.

  52. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of a gal he so wanted to nail.
    His friend stole that girl
    And enjoyed quite a whirl,
    Till he learned she was open for sale.

  53. Kay Salady says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of how he’d landed in jail
    In the South Pacific
    He’d thought it terrific
    That a wac had posted his bail

  54. Kay Salady says:

    A gal was telling a tale
    Of a ship with a very large sail
    A pirate was on it
    Reciting a sonnet
    To a woman as big as a whale

  55. Kay Salady says:

    A gal was telling a tale
    Of a ship with a very large sail
    A pirate was on it
    Reciting a sonnet
    To a woman as big as a whale

  56. brian says:

    a fellow was telling a tale
    the punchline had grown rather stale
    they, booing and hissing
    he, obviously missing
    so bad they threw him in jail

  57. Steve Earp says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    ‘Bout the Japanese penchant for whale
    Their lack of compliance?
    it’s only for science
    Not hypocrisy right off the scale.

  58. Emily says:

    Oh how fun!

    A fellow was telling a tale
    But the plot had the pace of a snail.
    His friends all walked out
    And he started to pout
    ‘Cuz his whale of a tale was a fail.

  59. Pari says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    about hunting along the woods trail,
    He shot a hare, out of season,
    But gave this as the reason–
    “That wabbit wooked just wike a quaiwl!”

  60. Pari says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    ’bout getting caught with her twat up for sale
    Alone and no place to stay,
    It all worked out okay,
    ‘coz now she’s knocked up and locked up in jail!

  61. hedgewitch says:

    Always a pleasure to come through and have some fine limericks for dessert after an all night poetry buffet.

  62. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    of his trip down the Santa Fe Trail.
    But he lied ‘bout the trip.
    See, he really knew zip
    and could not recount any detail.

  63. RJ Clarken says:

    Old Vlad, he was telling a tale
    of the folks that he liked to impale.
    “…but that Bathory chick?
    She is more bloody sick
    than yours truly: she’s so off the scale!”

    Then the Countess politely demurred.
    “Dear Vlad – that is simply absurd!
    We both love the blood sport
    of ‘la morte’ at the Court.
    It’s a tie for the folks we’ve interred.”

  64. Natasha says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of a ship that long ago did set sail
    On it was his wife
    who had caused so much strife
    She now lives in a belly of whale

  65. John Richter says:

    A fellow was telling a tale,
    about a fish he caught by the tail,
    I knew it was a whopper
    ‘cuz in came a copper
    and hauled his a__ off to jail…..

  66. Stafford says:

    Cheap and nasty.
    A woman was telling a tale
    How she bought some cheap bleach at a sale.
    It whitened her undies
    Her knickers and grungies
    And made all her pubes go quite pale.

  67. Ginger (France) says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of a purse once sold at retail
    It was made of dick skin
    And stretched at your strokin’
    Toss in your coins for more detail!

  68. A woman who was telling a tale
    In breathless and intricate detail
    Turned quite blue
    Before it was through
    As she completely forgot to exhale.

  69. A fellow who was telling a tale
    Of his prowess as a virile young male
    Found his nose growing longer
    Than his pitiful donger:
    A lesson to all who drink ale.

  70. shammi says:

    Probably last, but possibly not the least? Here’s my effort:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of an experience that turned her pale.
    One day she found proof
    That a rat lived under her roof –
    She knew because of its tell-tale tail.

  71. shammi says:

    Slightly improved, IMHO:

    A woman was telling a tale
    Of an experience that turned her pale.
    One day she found proof
    That a rat lived under her roof –
    She knew by its tell-tale tail.

  72. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was telling a tale:
    “There’s a drunkard my hounds had to trail.
    Soon my dogs came along
    But his fumes were so strong
    They got drunk and were destined to fail.”

  73. Susan Geariety says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of some magic that never could fail
    Selling pizza, he said
    He learned how to raise bread
    With these words: “Nine, nine, nine”, as the spell

  74. Ann Martin says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Of years wasted swilling down ale;
    “Were you down on Skid Row?”
    But the man replied “No —
    But I was in Bones while at Yale.”

  75. Robert Schechter says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    While swallowing bitters and ale,
    Which made him pugnacious
    Enough so, good gracious,
    His story concluded in jail.

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Explaining why taxpayers bail
    The banks out of trouble.
    “You see, it’s a bubble,”
    He said, “And they’re too big to fail.”

    A fellow was telling a tale.
    He said, “I was hunting for quail
    When I was, by dumb luck, shot
    With Dick Cheney’s buckshot,
    Which proves he’s a real alpha male.”

  76. Robert Schechter says:

    A woman was telling a tale
    She had heard from very slow snail.
    “A turtle went past,”
    It insisted, “so fast
    That it moved like the wind or a gale.”

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Full of agony, sorrow and bale.
    “Bill Clinton, that rube,
    Downright bogeyed that dube,
    Then he claimed that he didn’t inhale!”

  77. Robert Schechter says:

    A fellow was telling a tale
    Which he tried hard to peddle. No sale,
    For the folks in his state
    Learned he’d gone on a date
    Though he’d claimed he’d been hiking a trail.

    A woman was telling a tale
    About Florence (the nurse, Nightingale)
    And how people mocked her
    ‘Cause she wasn’t a doctor
    As she might have been had she been male.

  78. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow is telling a tale
    About GOP tactics gone stale:
    “I cannot fight obstruction
    With lip to ass suction –
    Executive orders won’t fail!”

  79. madkane says:

    What a wonderful selection of limericks! Thanks so much, everyone!

    This Limerick-Off is officially over and you can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week 33.

    But don’t worry — a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Slippery Limerick.