Fit To Be Tied Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus one Honorable Mention.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was fit to be tied…

or

A woman was fit to be tied…

Here’s mine:
Fit To Be Tied Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was fit to be tied
When he learned that his lover had lied.
He’d proposed. She said “No,”
And confessed, “Sorry Joe.
See that gal over there? She’s my bride.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day

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77 Responses to “Fit To Be Tied Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Cheri Long says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied / At tax season he sat down and cried, / “I am willing to pay / But GE got a stay / So injustice seems plainly denied.”

  2. David Lott says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    A consequence of facing a lie.
    He was accused of a crime
    That left all jurors blind
    To the cops who lied in court one more time.

  3. versebender says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Sweet Jackie just could not decide
    To press on or stop
    Take bottom or top
    A regular Jacqueline Hyde

  4. Poetjanstie says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    to a lassie whom he had espy’d
    with a dress fit to bust
    that filled him with lust
    But she didn’t fancy the ride.

  5. Stan Ski says:

    I’m in… I’ll get back later.

  6. scott says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied,
    with the change in the weather outside.
    Yesterday he was mowing,
    today it’s been snowing,
    “It’s Spring in the Rockies,” he sighed.

  7. jesse levy says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Cause his wife was always so snide
    Her viperish tongue
    made him get a gun
    Now he’s 25 to Life inside

  8. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    When he, with his twin at his side,
    Was called by their boss
    To decide with a toss
    To which twin his downsizing applied.

  9. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    On hearing these words from his bride
    “If you meet the gang out
    At your favorite hangout
    I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”

  10. Steve Vitoff says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Cuz no matter how hard he tried
    After smearing on grease
    He found no release
    And could not get his trombone to slide

  11. Cindy Vroman says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied,
    When on his ex wife he had spied,
    He saw her with Harry,
    And then she’s with Larry,
    I’m glad that she’s no longer mine!

  12. LBTL says:

    Thanks for the introduction to a new form. Enjoy the rally
    For Your Kiss.

  13. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied:
    “How the food makers subtly misguide!
    While the price has held steady
    Per box of spaghetti,
    There’s not as much noodle inside.”

  14. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Viewing pics that displayed his backside:
    He was naked (big deal)
    But bemoaned each huge meal,
    For he clearly was less tall than wide.

    But determined to locate a mate,
    He conversed with a promising date
    ‘Til she saw his webpage,
    Guessed his height, weight, and age
    And refused further contact ~ cruel Fate.

    Then inclined to decline dates and mope,
    He was tempted to give up all hope.
    Would all women pass? Yet
    Fresh thoughts of his asset
    Provided a way he could cope…

    He posted, “Pull Over – Wide Load!
    Sweet, snuggly, with gorgeous abode.
    I’ll rock you each night,
    It’ll be outta sight!
    I’m a doctor.” (His stethoscope showed.)

    He sat back as responses flowed in,
    Then he read hers: aah, Angel of Sin
    She was smart, lovely, built
    His libido went Tilt!
    Now they bare it all nightly, and grin…

  15. madkane says:

    We’re off to a wonderful start with some delightful limericks! Thanks, and please keep them coming!

  16. earlybird says:

    Love yours, Mad – great twist. Here’s my contribution:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    when his brother ran off with his bride.
    He was very upset
    as they’d only just met.
    Twas a terrible blow to his pride.

  17. madkane says:

    Thanks so much earlybird. I always enjoy your limerick contributions. :)

  18. Matilda was fit to be tied –
    her favourite guinea pig died
    in the mouth of the cat.
    “You villain” she spat.
    “I was hungry,” the bad cat replied.

  19. Tilly Bud says:

    This is my first try:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    To a bed that was seven feet wide
    Though he did this a lot
    Once his mistress forgot
    To untie him and he starved and died

  20. A fellow was fit to be tied
    He had ordered his trout country-fried
    But the thing wasn’t breaded
    Or even beheaded,
    Though it did come with slaw on the side

  21. Jingle says:

    fun humor, love the rhyming..

    A++

  22. Elizabeth says:

    A young woman was fit to be tied
    On rail ties laid side by side
    She sturggled, she screamed
    Woke herself from that dream
    Then quivered as train whistle cried.

  23. Hansi says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    For he couldn’t find a mate no matter how he tried
    He was just a little slow
    Didn’t have much get up and go
    So he decided to try on celibacy just for size.

  24. Irisdeumyer says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    He had an ugly wife for a bride
    He took off her veil and kissed her real well
    For you see she was wealthy beside

  25. Sally Franz says:

    A gal was fit to be tied,
    apparently she’d up and lied
    She said she was thin-ny
    on the Date Site skinny
    and now had 30 plus pounds to hide

  26. Jessica says:

    Love the twist at the end. very neat!

    Moments

  27. jesse levy says:

    A woman was fit to be tied
    cause her lipstick could not be applied
    It wasn’t her lips
    Which were gorgeous – real pips!
    It’s just that she used the wrong side.

  28. Nicole says:

    I love your limericks; it is just lovely to read. I have never written and feel that the verve of it is perhaps past my abilities. So glad that I can come here and enjoy yours!

  29. pamela says:

    Love your limerick and it’s enjoyable to read all the others. Maybe someday I’ll give it a whirl :)

    Pamela

  30. Madeleine, I’m not even going to bother to write one. I’m still chuckling over yours! My sisters-in-law have been legally married for two years in California – and they are two of the lucky few who got to “keep” their marriages. Amy
    Island Dweller

  31. Granny Smith says:

    Thanks, Madeleine, for pointing out my ambiguous stresses in my bride limerick. You’re right that I intended to stress the YOU and the YOUR in the 3rd and 4th rhymes, which would put the emphasis as HANGout. I intended it as a play on the saying “Give them enough rope and they’ll hang themselves” and was also sort of punning with TIED in your prompt.

    Well, back to the drawing board!

  32. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Since his years under sail were his pride.
    When ashore for a day
    He felt ready to play.
    “Let me show you the ropes” the girl cried!

  33. Granny Smith says:

    New take on my “bride” limerick:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    On hearing these words from his bride:
    “If you plan to hang
    With your drunken old gang
    I’ve a rope that I’ll gladly provide!”

  34. madkane says:

    Thanks, Jingle, Jessica, Nicole, Amy and Pamela

    Nicole, you never know till you try. Lots of people have written their first limericks here. :)

    Pamela, I sure hope you did — bet you’d be good.

    Tilly, it’s hard to believe this is your first. :)

    Granny, you’re very welcome! And your new version is much better. Just one thing that’s easily fixable: The first time I read it, I accented “plan” instead of “you.” Then I realized you wanted “you” stressed. This is readily solved if you change line 3 to: “If you’re planning to hang…”

  35. Granny Smith says:

    Improved version.

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    On hearing these words from his bride:
    “If you’re planning to hang
    With your old drunken gang
    I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”

  36. scott says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied,
    at his failure to be certified.
    The doc looked at his brain,
    told the judge he was sane,
    and the fellow was fit to be tried.

  37. madkane says:

    This Limerick-Off is going so well, with so many delightful submissions, that selecting this week’s Limerick of the Week and Honorable Mentions is going to be a really tough challenge.

    Thanks so much, everyone. Please keep them coming, and please post your limericks both here and (if you’re on Facebook) on my Facebook post too.

  38. Patrick says:

    An Unsuccessful Dinner

    A fellow was fit to be tied:
    his proposal was being denied.
    Then the bill was brought
    and he, still distraught,
    used the pen and began to divide.

  39. Methinks I have been there. Great job

  40. Cindy Vroman says:

    A woman was fit to be tied,
    She ordered potato with chive,
    They brought her green beans,
    They’re leaner it seems,
    The waiter now has a black eye!

  41. Cindy Vroman says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied,
    In his friend did he start to confide,
    His friends face turned red,
    And he ended up dead,
    Guess some secrets are best kept inside!

  42. Elaine Spall says:

    A woman was fit to be tied
    Could not lose the weight though she tried
    Then she said “Better buy it
    This new “Alarm” diet
    A fridge that said “ACCESS DENIED”

  43. Elaine Spall says:

    A woman was fit to be tied
    Could not write a lim’rick though she tried
    To make her poem sweeter
    With rhythm and meter
    Sought Speedy Snail’s limerick guide

  44. Cindy Vroman says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied,
    When he slaughtered a skunk for it’s hide,
    He smelled somethin awful,
    When he entered the brothel,
    They sent him right home with some lye!

  45. Love your limerick, Madeleine! I seem to have found my rhyming muscle, though my muse seems a little dark…LOL.

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Couldn’t please his hard wife if he tried.
    She made his life hell
    And it suited her well…
    It did not break his heart when she died.

  46. madkane says:

    Thanks so much Lynette for your kind words. And there’s nothing wrong with a dark limerick muse. I have one too and I frequently use it to write political limericks on my Political Madness Blog.

    Patrick, welcome back. And Cindy and Elaine, I always enjoy welcoming prolific limerick writers.

    Thanks everyone. These limericks are delightful. Please keep them coming. Remember, I don’t pick Limerick of the Week until next Sunday, so you have lots of time to compose your limerick gems.

  47. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied:
    A medium told him she scried
    His bride come the autumn.
    She finally caught ‘im,
    A wrangler: they’re in for a ride…

    Okay, so this one’s weird, but does make sense if read a certain way: I decided to “go with my flow” and post it anyway! :)

  48. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A woman was fit to be tied:
    Her weight gain could not be denied.
    She strove weakly for fitness
    But soon drove herself witless
    In search of her deep (th)inner side.

    She considered the many cliches
    Claiming sex drive and fat parted ways;
    Tossed her head, grabbed a skirt,
    Got out more, learned to flirt ~
    Now her calendar’s full nights (and days) :)

  49. S says:

    A woman was fit to be tied,
    Over politicians who lied,
    About government abuse
    And fiscal misuse,
    While blaming the other side.

  50. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    To a crime which he stoutly denied.
    “Stray from my diet?”
    Of course he’d not try it!
    Overeaters Anon won’t confide.

  51. Cindy Vroman says:

    A woman was fit to be tied,
    When asked if of age, she said “WHY?”
    “Should it matter to you,
    If I’m ninety of two?”,
    I have fake I.D., let me buy!”

  52. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    When his I-can-fix-anything bride
    Applied “safe homemade unction
    For penile dysfunction”
    (His boner damn near calcified)

  53. Elaine Spall says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    Between two girls he could not decide
    He was all in a state
    About which one to mate
    That he married them both, and then lied

    But the sly double life that he led
    Meant he just could not keep up in bed
    Both the wives had their doubts
    Then they both kicked him out
    And shacked up with each other instead

  54. dustus says:

    A woman was fit to be tied
    The masochist’s willing young bride
    While she liked to be spanked
    He preferred to be yanked
    Both of them pleased to abide

  55. madkane says:

    I’m so glad to see more fun limericks coming in! How delightful! Please keep them coming, and thanks!

  56. brian says:

    haha…these are a hoot….really enjoyed yours as well as those in the comments…

  57. Shammi says:

    Happened upon this site by chance. I’ve never written any poetry before, not even a limerick, so please be gentle! Here’s my wayyyy late attempt:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    When he found that his lovely bride
    Declared she was off
    Because he was not a toff –
    What? You think this tale isn’t bona fide?

  58. Otto Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied.
    The score’s “seven seven” he cried.
    He couldn’t keep pace
    When she drew an ace
    So now she’s his prize winning bride.

  59. Shah Wharton says:

    I do love a good limerick and here I got loads! ;D

  60. jinksy says:

    A fellow was fit to be tide
    and he lost his last shred of pride.
    The girl of his dreams
    was not what she seemed,
    for she simply took him for a ride!

  61. madkane says:

    It looks like we may set a new record, both in quantity and quality. :) And it’s good to see so many newcomers, in some cases to my blog, and in some cases to limerick writing.

    And Shammi you’re not late at all. There’s still plenty of time to participate! And it’s hard to believe you’ve never tried this before. Hope you’ll be back to do more. There’s a new opportunity each week. :)

    Thanks everyone!

  62. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    But to lose would have injured his pride.
    But he couldn’t keep pace
    Toward the end of the race.
    “I t’ink it’s da feet,” the man sighed.

  63. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was fit to be tied
    When a shooting her image belied;
    “It’s blood libel,” she whined,
    “That attack hit me blind
    But I take persecution in stride.”

    For her next act she traveled abroad,
    Thought we might just forget she’s a fraud;
    Said that lousy McCain
    …Deprived HER of her reign —
    A smart audience failed to applaud.

    “I’m not saying he’s foreign, just dithering
    When killing’s required, too withering. . .
    But I’d never presume
    To indict Michelle’s groom,”
    Said Palin, then back home came slithering.

  64. madkane says:

    Thanks Granny and Johanna!

  65. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Readers may find it interesting that, per Mad’s limerick resources posted at top, “fitness” and “witless” do not rhyme…this was news to me :)

    Mad, here’s my revised version ~ thanks again!

    A woman was fit to be tied:
    Her weight gain could not be denied.
    She despaired, then she prayed
    (Perhaps deals could be made?)
    In search of her deep [th]inner side.

    She considered the many cliches
    Claiming sex drive and fat parted ways;
    Tossed her head, grabbed a skirt,
    Got out more, learned to flirt ~
    Now her calendar’s full nights (and days) :)

  66. scott says:

    I don’t know what the old limerick-off record is but let’s smash it.

    A woman was fit to be tied,
    to the bedposts that she’d modified.
    No, she wasn’t psychotic,
    she just found it erotic,
    and her big O was intensified.

  67. scott says:

    A soldier was fit to be tied.
    The right had stopped funds to provide,
    his pain medication,
    they had shut down the Nation.
    He just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

  68. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied.
    He was flummoxed and I.R.S. tried.
    “All I wanted were facts
    For doing my tax –
    – Didn’t know that they’re all Classified! “

  69. madkane says:

    Good revision, Patrice. Thanks everyone. I’m really enjoying these!

  70. lolamouse says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    When he married an S and M bride
    For she tied the knot
    In a sensitive spot
    And the groom was the one who then cried!

  71. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was fit to be tied
    To the hitching post nearest. He cried,
    “I’m a little bit hoarse.
    It’s the weather, of course
    And it’s really quite colt outside!”

  72. Granny Smith says:

    I hope it’s not too late. I awoke with the above post in mmy mind.

  73. madkane says:

    Welcome, Lolamouse to our Limerick-Offs!

    Granny, that was very clever horsey wordplay, but you’re missing a beat in that last line. It’s easily fixed if you add the word “here” as in:

    “And it’s really quite colt here outside!”

  74. Matty says:

    A woman was fit to be tied
    her new husband in fact had just lied

    though he told her “I do”
    their new marriage was through

    her husband in fact was a bride

  75. madkane says:

    Thanks again everyone for all your fun limericks. This contest is now closed, and you can find out who won and read the winning limericks here at my Limerick of the Week post.

    But don’t be disappointed — a new Limerick-Off has already been posted, so you have another chance to win Limerick of the Week. Here it is: Guileless Limerick