Limerick Writing Contest With Money Prizes … and the Topic Is…

If you’ve followed my previous limerick contests, you know that it’s just about time for another one.

So here’s my challenge: Write a money-related limerick (earning it, spending it, saving it, investing it, winning it, wasting it, being taxed on it, etc.) and post it here in a comment to this post, no later than Wednesday, June 27, 2007. (You may enter as many limericks as you’d like.) I’ll announce the winners on Thursday, June 28, 2007.

The first prize will be $25. The second prize will be $10. Both prizes will be paid via PayPal.

So, what exactly is a limerick? It’s a five line poem with an AABBA rhyme scheme and a very specific meter exemplified by these winning entries. (For more information about limericks check out these fine sites: Encyclospeedia Oedilfica and OEDILF.)

I’m looking forward to reading your entries! 

Update: This contest is now closed, and the names of the winners and their winning entries are here. Thanks so much for your many excellent submissions. 

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107 Responses to “Limerick Writing Contest With Money Prizes … and the Topic Is…”

  1. Michael Turniansky says:

    Afghani, centavo, and xu;
    Guarani, and ekpwele, and sou;
    Cruzado, halala,
    Ngultrum, tambala,
    Likuta, rupiah, ecu!

  2. Max Gutmann says:

    Can the money you’ve got be called loot?
    Here’s a test: did a guy in a suit
    Grunt “Da big guy sez T’anks”?
    Did you “find” it in banks?
    Did a lady say, “Take it, don’t shoot”?

  3. Jess says:

    There once was a fellow named Bob,
    Who was rich and wasn’t a slob.
    Then one drunk night,
    He started a fight,
    And was robbed by the mob.

  4. sigg says:

    In her change, there was one coin too few.
    Sue felt cheated, and rather than stew,
    She’d become the employer
    Of an ornery lawyer,
    For Sue sought to sue for a sou.

  5. Mark Finn says:

    My boss doesn’t know how to write code.
    Yet upon me a poor review she bestowed.
    How she can rate
    Work she can’t create
    Is a mystery that’s about to make my head explode.

  6. Bob Dvorak says:

    My inbox is stuffed to the gills
    Each month with insufferable ills.
    Here’s a plan I’ve divined:
    Every mailbox I find
    Gets a sign with this line: “Post no bills.”

  7. Lisa Trossarello (TrossL) says:

    Will’s caught up in his tightfisted ways.
    He’s a miser—the guy never pays!
    If you hand him the bill,
    He turns violently ill.
    Parsimonious Me! (His catchphrase…?)

  8. Lisa Trossarello (TrossL) says:

    Though my husband is rich, he’s so cheap!
    He’s so chintzy with money, I weep.
    Tried to get him to spend
    But he simply won’t bend—
    Arms too short? Or his pockets too deep?

  9. Michael Redei says:

    They say money can speak if you know
    How to treat it. I gave it a go:
    “Your ancestors went
    On my booze and my rent.”
    The reply was “Goodbeye” — not “Hello”.

  10. Jesse Frankovich says:

    The more of my money I bet,
    The more in return I shall net!
    But, of course, should I lose,
    I’ll be singing the blues
    As each bet, I regret, becomes debt.

  11. Jesse Frankovich says:

    The practice of living austerely:
    Contented surviving with merely
    The simplest of things,
    Not the grandeur of kings.
    In the case of ascetics, severely.

  12. Chris Young says:

    See that grove, Heliconian mountains-y,
    Where the nine Muses play at the fount; and see,
    With her daybooks and pen,
    There sits Muse number ten:
    Hypersomnia, Muse of accountancy.

  13. Chris Young says:

    Our figures, all wobbly, are dipping.
    Our outfits are visibly slipping,
    Some straining and weak;
    Your company we seek
    To remove them, for cash — asset-stripping.

  14. Chris Young says:

    I’m a boughtling: I’m free from the hold
    Of my captors, on payment of gold
    By a stranger who says
    He’s my lost uncle Les…
    I’ve been bought, but I’m frankly not sold.

  15. Chris Young says:

    There’s a dieting guru called Valerie
    Who garners the healthiest salary.
    Her food range (extensive)
    Is so darn expensive,
    It works out as £10 per calorie.

  16. Chris Young says:

    The stock exchange boasts a stockade
    (Posts and rail is the way that it’s made);
    Kept within, cunning bears
    Sell their yet-to-buy shares.
    See the balustrade; see balus trade.

  17. Chris Young says:

    Boric acid-dressed lint is boracic —
    Antiseptic ‘Elastoplast Classic’.
    When physically skint,
    Cockneys used b’racic lint;
    Now, financially skint, they use “brassic”.

  18. Chris Young says:

    It’s a diamond, dear — don’t look away.
    I think pear-shaped is just so passé.
    As my buck spends his money
    On “cute little Bunny”,
    This twelve carat carrot’s my pay.

  19. Chris Young says:

    When I winked at a brassy-skinned lass,
    She spoke brassily, hand on her ass:
    “Baby, this costs a lot.
    How much brass have you got?” —
    I was brassed off: the girl was a brass!

  20. Stephen Gold says:

    This accrued lunch expense is so high…
    Do you think that your limit’s the sky?
    To the counters of beans
    All your bean-feasting means
    It’s a fine time to bid you goodbye.

  21. Dodgeblogium » Blog Archive » Mad Kane Limerick says:

    [...] Kane has a limerick contest going on over at his blog. The prize for winning the whole shebang is $25 and there are other prizes too. This is third one and its theme is money. If you have a urge tolyrical why not pop over there and give it a shot. I will no doubt try my hand atit. [...]

  22. Andrew Ian Dodge says:

    Money is supposed to be the root of all evil
    I have to admit that is quite unbelievable
    I think its all quite healthy
    To work on being wealthy
    Cause money is isn’t of the devil

  23. Andrew Ian Dodge says:

    Greed is a good thing
    It doesn’t have to be bling
    Sod the miserable anti-capitalists
    Or carrying and sharing corporatists
    My wife needs another golden ring

  24. Johnny Mercredi says:

    Were a kiss on the lips legal tender,
    I’d be a natural lender.
    I’d charge no tax
    On fresh minted smacks
    To banks of the opposite gender.

  25. John M. Sovitsky says:

    CJ Jackson’s been cursing his luck
    Since the nickname was coined (some say struck).
    ‘Cause he knew what she meant
    When she said, “50 Cent?
    He’s not half of that rapper Young Buck!”

    Curtis James Jackson III (b. 1976) is the rapper 50 Cent.

    Nashville rapper David Brown (b. 1981) performs with the group G-Unit under the moniker Young Buck.

  26. Mr. Natural says:

    Take your clown cash
    and stick it up your ass.
    What I need from you now
    is affordable gas.

  27. Graig Gigol says:

    There was an old millionaire, Beade,
    Who decided his fortune to cede
    To an orphanage fund.
    But his goodness, quite stunned,
    Was confronted, and lost to his greed.

  28. Graig Gigol says:

    We asked parsimonious yentas
    To float us some cash, which they lent us.
    But the loan was no fun:
    It amounted to one
    Lithuanian penny, a centas.

  29. Graig Gigol says:

    A young champion of billiards and snookers
    Won a lot, to the awe of onlookers.
    He met two prostitutes,
    Who turned out to be brutes:
    Now he ain’t got the money, but who cares…

  30. mephistopheles says:

    Neither lender nor borrower be,
    Since the best things in life are all free.
    Could you really get by
    Blithely buying that lie?
    We should blow all your money and see.

  31. mephistopheles says:

    A drunk who was drowning his sorrow
    Had requested some cash he could borrow,
    And polite as can be,
    Bowed and thanked both of me,
    And avouched he’d repay us tomorrow.

  32. mephistopheles says:

    Alas for that old Scottish nanny,
    Hiding cash in each nook and each cranny.
    When she died, in the end,
    And her ghost couldn’t spend
    What she’d cached, that seemed rather un-canny

  33. mephistopheles says:

    The bottoms you’re selling have sludge—
    It’s a fact you were careful to fudge.
    Now you’re shocked that your buyer
    Implied you’re a liar
    For giving the truth just a nudge.

  34. mephistopheles says:

    This borough is thoroughly dumb,
    So tomorrow, I’ll borrow a sum.
    I’ll have finally moved
    Once my loan’s been approved,
    But the number is making me numb.

  35. mephistopheles says:

    The price of your prize, when appraised,
    As you might have surmised, has been raised.
    So, now you’re apprised
    That the price was revised.
    Don’t look so surprised, or amazed.

  36. Carol June Hooker says:

    I have loaded my washing machine
    Full of lucre too filthy to clean
    Without water and soap;
    Now I hope against hope
    That the bleach will not eat all my green.

  37. Bluebelle says:

    An antelope, down on his luck,
    Saw a coin shining bright in the muck;
    But the old silver dollar
    Was pointless to swaller,
    So the buck, stuck for luck, passed the buck.

  38. Johnny Mercredi says:

    In order to bury the hatchet
    And amend the wrongs to Bob Cratchit,
    Scrooge increased his pay
    via his Roth IRA:
    Ebeneezer elected to match it.

  39. Paul J says:

    Monthly we watch old Bernake
    To see if he makes Wall Street happy
    To keep things at bay
    The rates they will stay
    But my mortgage will be really crappy

  40. MoonJosh says:

    There was an old man called Dave,
    Who’d saved and saved and saved,
    Sure enough, he died,
    But his money survived,
    And he went, very poor, to the grave.

  41. If you want to make oodles of cash
    Be an “artist” to add to your stash.
    A pickled cow’s head
    Or a foul unmade bed –
    They’re valuable these bits of trash!

  42. The American Street » Blog Archive » There Once Was A Contest At Mad Kane’s…. says:

    [...] The Poetess Laureate of the blogging world, Mad Kane, is having another limerick-writing contest, complete with a small cash prize. This time the topic is Money. You can read more about it (and make your own entry) at this post. [...]

  43. Ayn Clouter says:

    Ron Paul’s Nonfractionally Reserved Limerick
    (Or “War’s Just A Side Issue To Me”):

    There once was an Act which made Legal
    The Tender which displayed an Eagle
    In the seal on Reverse,
    Which did prompt quite a curse
    From those who thought Gold should be Regal.

  44. madkane says:

    The following limerick was written by Chris Doyle. I’m posting it here at his request:

    A Switzerland bank says I’ll earn
    All the interest with little concern
    That the Feds can acquire
    The date of my wire,
    So soon I’ll have money to Bern.

  45. RinnyBe says:

    For the “Year-Off-Before-Grad-Schooler”

    It’s a real trick to save up for school,
    I work hard, so I’m sure that I’m cool.
    But my co-workers drink,
    so I know that I’ll sink,
    Buyin’ drinks. BUT you’re right, I’ve had a few.

  46. [...] So, have you entered my latest limerick writing contest yet?  The one over at my other (non-political humor) blog? The deadline is June 27, the topic is money, and I’m even awarding a couple of small cash prizes. Technorati Tags: Stem Cell Research, Bush Veto, Health Research, Science, Scientific Research  Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

  47. PGS (Holger Martin) says:

    In Cabaret once it was found:
    Call ‘em dollar, yen, euro, or pound,
    It’s the stuff we all need
    Satisfying one’s greed:
    Money makes this mad world go around.

  48. PGS (Holger Martin) says:

    To the greenback they’re pegged, these Bz-
    $s used to buy butter and bread.
    In a country that’s been
    Ruled by Great Britain’s Queen,
    Dollar notes will display a crowned head!

    (bee ZED dol-lar) The BZD, or Belize Dollar, is the
    currency in Belize (the former British Honduras).

  49. PGS (Holger Martin) says:

    Bucks will buy you the world, my dear honey.
    In that show, here we go, play it funny!
    Lookin’ good’s not enough,
    For a gal biz is tough,
    If they pay: in the buff play for money!

  50. FRANCES says:

    A WOMAN LOVES HER MONEY.
    MORE THANSHE DOES HER HONEY.
    SO GUYS WATCH OUT!!!!!!!!
    PLEASE DON’T YOU SHOUT.
    IF SHE DOES SOMETHING FUNNY.

  51. Johnny Mercredi says:

    Her face was grizzled and mannish,
    Her hands were leathered and tannish.
    “Well, if you say so…”
    and gave her a peso.
    Then she told me my future in Spanish.

  52. Carolyn Conlee says:

    I once had a coin and a dollar
    Then the government started to hollar
    Pay some taxes you dolt
    So I started to bolt
    Now i am wearing a collar

  53. Carolyn Conlee says:

    My grandpa he printed his money
    Grandma didn’t think it so funny
    ‘Til the day lighting stuck
    and it changed Grandpa’s luck
    Blew the still and the press, then turned sunny

  54. Snowy Owl says:

    As she stretched her long legs on the beach,
    All the lads thought her balance a peach,
    But not one had the nerve
    To touch _her_ forward curve,
    And her asset was quite out of reach.

    If despite all appeals arbitrational
    Your relations are still confrontational,
    You can vent all your spite
    In the memoirs you write,
    Gaining fortune from schisms sensational.

  55. Peter Sheil says:

    This coin, first of bronze then of copper,
    Was called as by the Romans, quite proper,
    But when you had two
    Only asses would do
    For a well-dressed Pompeian clothes shopper.

    (pom-PAY-uhn) It is known that during the first century CE an as could only purchase half a pound of bread flour or a litre of cheap wine (or, according to Pompeian graffiti, a cheap prostitute).

  56. Peter Sheil says:

    Mint a million! More mullah my man.
    Only ore offers gold when you pan;
    Nick a nickel, rob bureau,
    Embezzle some Euro-
    You yield yearly Yen in Japan.

  57. Bluebelle says:

    A musician of good working class,
    I’m a miser, but let’s let that pass.
    There’s no need to be frugal
    As I play on my bugal,
    ‘Cos they say, “Where there’s muck there is brass.”

  58. BobfromThirsk says:

    The account balance looks rather bare
    ‘Cause the tax man’s already been there.
    Looks like revenue’s tricks
    Would have left us with nix.
    (It’s a good job we hid some elsewhere).

  59. stella says:

    I’ve got coins in my pockets, so jingly,
    And I love them in bunches and singly,
    And I like to canoodle
    Big bundles of boodle
    And credit cards make me go tingly.

  60. stella says:

    There was a loose lady called Leeza
    Who married a wealthy old geezer.
    After zipping him down,
    She would zap about town
    Zip-zapping his Amex and Visa.

  61. stella says:

    Isn’t chrematophobia funny?
    Would you wish this complaint on your honey
    And rejoice if your nearest
    Recoiled from the merest
    Suggestion of spending your money?

  62. Shawn McBurnie says:

    I’ll accept all your change without qualms
    As I stand here extending my palms.
    You don’t want to sound dumb,
    So don’t call me a bum:
    I’m an almsman. You got any alms?

  63. Shawn McBurnie says:

    Let me tell you, it’s not what you know.
    I work hard, but I’ve reached a plateau.
    I’ve a dozen degrees,
    Which astounds the trustees—
    Would you like that for here or to go?

  64. Mary Lou Healy says:

    JUST CALL ME SCROOGE
    I come from a long line, all Yankee,
    And never commit hanky-panky
    ‘Cause that can cost money.
    You won’t get it, honey…
    ‘Drather bank 5% than your thank ‘ee!

  65. mrsrev says:

    This green stuff I’m giving my Honey
    Isn’t cabbage or beans, it is money.
    She has asked for so much–
    To buy jewelry and such–
    That my wallet is empty. Not funny!

  66. Bluebelle says:

    As I ogled the brand new red garter,
    I decided to try on some barter:
    “Will you take for that hosiery
    My grandmother’s rosary?”
    “You’re joking, that’s such a non-starter!”

  67. Doug Harris says:

    There once was a filthy rich hooker
    Who did it each time for the lucre.
    But the price of her cash
    Was a nasty old rash …
    So to hospital quick now they took her.

  68. Doug Harris says:

    “Being rich = happy”. Not I!
    My disposable income’s run dry.
    Some say that great wealth
    Is just bad for your health
    Maybe so, but I’d give it a try!

  69. Doug Harris says:

    A cautionary tale …….

    Money don’t grow on trees – it’s retrieval
    Is an urge, that to man, is primeval.
    But while beetling around
    Don’t create hollow ground
    Or you’ll find it’s the route of all weevil.

  70. Michael Redei says:

    Charles F. Kane said, “It’s money, not pride,
    That you’ve got to amass by your side.
    Neither lovers nor friends
    Should be your life’s ends!”,
    Stammered “Rosebud”, and then the fool died.

    For those few who don’t know the best film ever made: Charles Foster Kane, played by Orson Welles, is the hero/anti-hero in “Citizen Kane”.

  71. Rolli says:

    The happiest man in our town
    had courted the lavish Miss Brown
    for only a day
    (and spent a month’s pay),
    when his grin rumpled into a frown.

  72. Rebecca Zugor says:

    My credit card spending is vast -
    Not sure how much longer I’ll last.
    To help pay these bills
    Leave me lots in your wills.
    I need cash in a flash, please die fast!

  73. Rebecca Zugor says:

    “No pre-nup,” you said, “would be fine.”
    But dear ex, you are bang out of line.
    You take what I earn,
    Think I’ve money to burn.
    But my money, dear honey, is mine.

  74. hugo says:

    A miserly fellow from Ghent
    Kept accounts to the last Euro-cent;
    In bed, he did better:
    He weighed his French letter
    Each time, to know how much he’d spent.

  75. Rebecca Zugor says:

    You can’t take it with you, I hear,
    Though some corpses keep their cash near.
    But you’d have to be brave
    To dig up a grave
    In case vampires lurk near it. No fear!

  76. Chompy says:

    The maxim of “Beg, steal or borrow”
    can lead only to pain and to sorrow;
    an example of this
    is Ben Abu Aziss -
    they’re chopping his hands off tomorrow.

  77. Chompy says:

    An upwardly-mobile young Sikh
    had ideas that were rather unique -
    for the adverts and blurb on
    the top of his turban
    he earned fifteen rupees a week.

  78. Chompy says:

    A treasure-trove hunter called Pyne
    dredged things up from the banks of the Tyne,
    and though it would have been great
    to find Pieces-of-Eight,
    he only found wellies sized nine.

  79. Chompy says:

    When the man from the lottery said
    that there’d been a mistake, and instead
    of ten million for life
    I’d won shares in his wife,
    I was glad of the bag on my head.

  80. Chompy says:

    An Indian playboy, Sam Pahri,
    bought himself a new Dino Ferrari -
    though he could only afford
    a second-hand Ford
    this was better for picking up sari.

  81. Chompy says:

    In an Edinburgh loo sat Bart,
    depressed at having to part
    with a solitary penny,
    especially when he
    had only managed a f…

  82. Chompy says:

    Old billionaire tycoon Ed
    told the relatives round his deathbed,
    “I believe Mother Earth
    believes in re-birth,
    so I’m taking it with me,” he said.

  83. Chompy says:

    If she’d a cent for all of the hollers
    she got when wearing low collars,
    she’d (ten, carry two,
    plus twelve) then you
    know she’d owe eighty-eight dollars.

  84. deb says:

    They say my decisions are rash
    when I buy losing stocks in a crash;
    But the market I’ve found
    is prone to rebound
    So I smile while I count up my cash.

  85. Rax says:

    There once was a man who loved money
    so I thought it would be funny
    to ask him in haste
    why money had a face
    and why he didn’t have any

  86. Paul says:

    In a mood sired by hope of great wealth
    He tried hiding the state of his health.
    When at last he retired,
    His wife calmly inquired,
    “Have you nothing to show for your stealth?”

  87. Paul says:

    As his bank account wasted away,
    He began to float checks and to pay
    Tons of interest on debt
    That he came to regret
    When retirement he had to delay.

  88. Paul says:

    In my chair I discovered a coin
    Where the cushion and seat used to join.
    It was covered with dust
    Had a small bit of rust
    And the words “From the Fair in Des Moines.”

  89. Paul says:

    In the hope that he might win some money
    He wrote limericks both sad and funny.
    But the best he could do
    Didn’t raise a Wa Hoo!
    Or make any eye wet or nose runny.

  90. m.k. fletcher says:

    On winning the 649
    we thought that our life was sublime
    until creditors vexed us
    and governments taxed us
    till our fortune shrank back to a dime.

  91. Rebecca Zugor says:

    “Money talks,” you confide. “Great,” says I,
    “It can tell me the best things to buy,
    The best shares to invest in,
    But I feel like protestin’
    ‘Cos it often just whispers, ‘Goodbye.’”

  92. Joshua Johnson says:

    I hate work but I have finances,
    What I owe makes me sick, just at glances.
    Since it gives me the chills,
    Just to open my bills,
    I’ll throw them out, and take my chances.

  93. Chompy says:

    Pet shop employee Frank Mitty
    was told that he’d just have to quit; he
    never quite thought
    he might ever get caught
    with his hand buried deep in the kitty.

  94. Kevin Gillem says:

    I once had a wife who wasted,
    Pintos and Rice she never tasted.
    She would spend all my cash,
    But one lucky day in her mercedes she did crash,
    Now in my money am I basted.

  95. deb says:

    There once was a man who loved money
    and invested his wages in Honey -
    his sweet sticky spends
    paid big dividends
    that the man and his honey named Sonny.

  96. Michael Redei says:

    Hilaire Belloc was tired of Rhyme
    (Though his poems were really sublime).
    And with Love he was through,
    The sole Pleasure he knew–
    Remained Money–per Guinea or Dime.

    Inspired by my favourite poem by my favourite poet:

    I’m tired of Love;
    I’m still more tired of Rhyme;
    But Money gives me Pleasure
    All the Time.

  97. [...] The response to my money-related limerick writing contest exceeded my wildest hopes and set a new record – 94 limericks were submitted. And the overall quality of the entries was very impressive — so impressive, that I’ve decided to expand the prize money pool enough to award an extra prize. [...]

  98. madkane says:

    This contest is now closed and the winners are announced here. Thanks so much for all of your clever and creative entries!

  99. Lordfuznut says:

    there was an audacious scholar
    who traced the origins of the pursuit of the dollar
    his american dream
    fell apart at the seam
    for his studies only kept him in squalor

  100. Travis Mann says:

    There once was a man of a shire
    whom everyone thought as a liar
    he tried to save the day
    but the people turned him away
    and the bank burned down in a fire.

  101. Travis Mann says:

    The Shoemaker pippin
    was causually sippin-wine he had with his meal
    drinking way to much
    he insulted the Dutch
    and in the morning he felt like a heel.

  102. Travis Mann says:

    This one I wrote for my baby boy!

    Baby boy Jaidyn
    who nursed on my maiden, gently fell asleep
    when he woke from his rest
    he demanded her breast
    and from there we didn’t hear a peep

  103. Travis Mann says:

    There once was a king to be
    whom talked with an old willow tree
    it showed him the way
    to live for today
    and now the kings mind is free!

  104. Travis Mann says:

    The lonley flower in bloom
    who finally emerged from his tomb
    took one look around
    then snatched from the ground
    sadly meeting his doom.

  105. Travis Mann says:

    A goose on the loose
    was caught in a knuse
    we found him out riding one day
    thankful for us
    he put up no fuss
    and we ate him thanksgiving day

  106. Travis Mann says:

    President Kennedy while riding in his car
    was being watch by a man from afar
    what happend was a stunner
    was there only one gunner?
    who ended that presidential star

  107. Kaelee says:

    This is one I wrote just for fun cause I knoe it is to late.

    My sister sat in the car
    She looked into a window of a bar
    saw are mom think
    take a drink
    was it that hard!