Open Limerick To Rand Paul Poetry Critics

The press is having a grand old time making fun of Rand Paul’s “bad limerick” about Mitch McConnell’s Democratic Party challenger, Alison Lundergan Grimes.

The problem is, Rand Paul’s verse isn’t close enough to limerick form to even qualify as a bad limerick. At best, it’s bad doggerel. Here’s what I’m talking about:

There once was a woman from Kentucky,
Who thought in politics she’d be lucky.
So she flew to L.A.
For a Hollywood bash,
She came home in a flash
With buckets of cash.

Sorry, but to call Rand Paul’s mishegas a “bad limerick” defames my beloved limerick form.

Open Limerick To Rand Paul Poetry Critics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rand Paul deserves plenty of blame
For his doggerel terribly lame.
Yes his Grimes verse is bad,
But the press makes me mad
When they call it a lim’rick. For shame!

While a limerick often does start
With “there once was a…” please have a heart.
There are rules to this form.
Five strict lines are the norm.
And to jump to conclusions ain’t smart.

It isn’t a lim’rick at all.
Those who call it a bad one, appall.
They have lim’ricks maligned,
And I really do mind.
Hence my three-verser limerick squall.

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9 Responses to “Open Limerick To Rand Paul Poetry Critics”

  1. Fred Bortz says:

    There once was a gal from Kentucky,
    A candidate who was quite plucky,
    Whose political pitch
    When she challenged old Mitch
    Was that GOP leadership’s yucky.

  2. Frank Moraes says:

    Brilliant! Since you’ve gone with three verses, I think you should start an epic. I’m thinking “Homer’s Odyssey” in all limerick. Here, I’ll start it for you:

    There once was a muse singing in me
    Of a contending man who was born free
    He came up with a ploy
    After leaving from Troy
    But he’d spend ten more years on the high sea.

    Now you do the next 2,000 limericks and it’ll be done!

    Fred: I love it! You should send it to the Grimes campaign. Really.

  3. william says:

    To call Randy Rand’s stuff “mishegas” – craziness – is too flattering. More accurate would be “khazzerei” – garbage, or “dreck” – you know how to translate that.

  4. Colin says:

    Dear Rand Paul:

    Best keep your day job.

    Oh, wait…

    On second thought, stick with poetry.


  5. E.A. Blair says:

    Rhythm is also important to the limerick:

    The limerick’s a verse form complex
    It’s topic is frequently sex
    It’s famous for virgins
    And masculine urgins
    And vulgar erotic effects.

    There was a poetic young man
    Whose limericks never would scan
    When told this was so,
    He said, “Yes, I know,
    But you see the problem is that I always try to fit as many words in the ultimate line as I possibly can.”

  6. E.A. Blair says:

    “But he’d spend ten more years on the high sea.”

    One too many syllables there. I suggest,

    “But he’d spend ten more years on the seas.”


    “But he’d spend ten more years out to sea.”

  7. Rebecca Bourgeois says:

    Oh it really does give me a great kick,
    To read a well-written fun limerick.
    But five bad lines so-called
    Gets me absolutely appalled;
    Such usurpation of name makes me sick!

  8. z.alexi says:

    Guffawed at E.A. Blair’s last line.

    Just fwd’d Mad’s 3-verser to Rand Paul entitled “Non-Limerick~~Doggerel.”

    Reading Rand Paul’s goofy verbiage is one thing but Jon Stewart showed Rand reading it…he stumbled & tripped~~’cuz the rhyme is outta whack…from this whacko.

    Perhaps others should fwd it too [subject “Elections”]–to ensure staff gives it to him to read [& learn…hah!]. Find an address in KY & fwd away!

  9. Allen Wilcox says:

    Lim’rek writing is truly a calling.
    Mad’s right that Rand’s mush is a mauling.
    I can’t suffer fools
    Who violate rules.
    Thus I find his attempt is apPAULling.