Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TREES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TREE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Sunday, January 20, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 19, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A poet, quite broke, who felt stuck
Had a muse who was running amok.
So he got a large board
And some thick, heavy cord,
Then wrote: “Terrible Verse for a Buck.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , ,

205 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD at the end of any one line”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Even though you might feel a nice breeze
    You should never park under the trees
    Cuz when you return
    You’ll undoubtedly learn
    That the birds have done more than just sneeze

  2. David Reddekopp says:

    The Messiah, with walking was bored
    Bought a Honda, instead of a Ford
    He won’t speak, near or far
    Of his shiny new car
    “I did not speak of my own Accord.”

    – John 12:49.

  3. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    An lnsane British leader roared
    Let’s have for a change great accord
    But, the jackals laughed
    Ha, ha, don’t be daft
    And. the Wolfpack exclaimed – Dear Lord

    Now, the Lord sat in Heaven abhorred
    Preparing a very stout cord
    To whiplash the arses
    Of the rail roaded masses
    Futile, he said, but, I’m bored.

  4. John Shardlow says:

    When partying with hens itʼll make much more sense to make some plans to leave early
    When the ‘bride to beʼ hopes heʼs built like a tree and she thinks this fireman’s burly
    Then he whips off a thong
    Revealing his dong
    That’s more like a pink curly-wurly

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s true I could barely afford
    Piano lessons for Susie and Ward
    So I stole cash for years
    And at last it appears
    That my kids can play one lousy chord

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    By far, the most disgusting creatures I have ever seen (truth)

    Every 17 years in the breeze
    The cicadas sing songs in our trees
    OH GOD! They are VILE!
    Makes you think all the while
    That you’d rather be bitten by bees.

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    He thought that his faux pas was minor.
    Then he saw all her clothes were designer.
    All the hints he ignored,
    He sure struck the wrong chord,
    When he took her to eat at a diner.

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    English Lit: 101

    Quasimodo’s life surely was hell
    In the church tower so he did dwell
    “Does this book strike a chord?”
    “Michael, are you SO BORED!!”
    “Sorry, “Teach” but it does ring a bell”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Street Corner Singing, circa 1955 (or so)…Brooklyn, N.Y.

    We sang “Mama Mia” with glee
    People called us “The Bensonhurst Three”
    Just made the folks smile
    We had a great style:
    Known as”one- an a two- an a tree”

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction: Line 5 of a previous limerick: disgusting cicadas

    Every 17 years in the breeze
    The cicadas sing songs in our trees
    OH GOD! THEY’RE SO VILE!
    Makes you think all the while
    That you’d rather be stung by some bees.

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    “Would our guests,” said Queen Liz, “be inclined
    To nip orf to the tow’r, when we’ve dined?”
    Oh, poor queen! What a shock!
    All the jew’ls are in hock.
    And did anyone ask, “Will she mind?”

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry. Pilot Error!

    “Worked and saved a whole year to afford;
    Now I’m here and she’s knotting the cord.
    Will I thrill to the lash –
    Having spent all this cash?
    Oh, dear! No! Disappointment – I’m bored.”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m as edgy as one girl can be!
    My hormones need fixing, you see
    There is only one way
    I can feel calm today
    Excuse me. I must hug a tree

  14. When Donald Trump rants on discord,
    for him I have only ‘dis chord
    to play on a fiddle
    that’s so very little
    it’s already broke! Now I’m bored…

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    “With Respect To Joyce Kilmer”

    I’ve seen metal that’s also a knee
    And cards that are also a key
    But I really must say
    There is just no damn way
    That a poem is also a tree.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    My grandson was totally floored
    When I told him this story, he roared!
    “No one felt all alone
    Cuz we all shared a phone
    Which was fixed to the wall by a cord”

  17. John Shardlow says:

    Anyone remember Schnozzle?

    He had fans that were home and abroad
    Durante sang songs we applaud
    But it’s really ironic
    The most un-harmonic
    Was the one where he found the lost chord

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    The hurricane right by the sea
    Surely frightened dear “wifey” and me!
    Yet right in our house
    My creative sweet spouse
    Set the table smack down on a tree

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Betty Smith was as smart as can be
    And a wonderful writer was she!
    Yet it made me feel blue
    Cuz Ms. Smith really knew
    That Brooklyn had more than one tree

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Previous limerick with a change in Line 5 (better?)

    Betty Smith was as smart as can be
    And a wonderful writer was she
    Yet it made me feel blue
    Cuz Ms. Smith really knew
    That in Brooklyn there’s more than one tree

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Capone’s were as sweet as can be!
    Mama’s pasta was all gluten-free
    But then there was Al
    From the “Goombah Corral”
    Who just rotted that family tree.”

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: line 5 of above limerick: instead of “And just rotted that family tree”
    should be: “Who just rotted that family tree”

    Could you change that for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

    *********
    Done.

  23. Dave Johnson says:

    A huge evergreen offered shade;
    With a blanket, their spot was arrayed.
    Having done more than spoon,
    They woke up the raccoon;
    Whose point with a pine cone was made.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 50’s Dad got an award
    (His intelligence, never ignored)
    Cuz all on his own!
    He upgraded our phone!
    By getting a much longer cord.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    When telephones needed a cord
    The “other lines” weren’t ignored
    We “shhhh” listen in
    And hear all about “sin”
    Oh Boy, we kids never were bored!

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: obvious mistake in above limerick, line 3
    “We “shhh” listen in” should of course be “We’d “shhh” listen in”
    Could you change that for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

  27. Kirk Miller says:

    The guitar students seemed to be bored,
    Till from teacher’s guitar music poured
    That the kids understood.
    So I guess that you could
    Say guitarist’s new song struck a chord.

  28. Kirk Miller says:

    Many scientists have the belief
    That much carbon in air causes grief.
    Lots of people agree
    To plant many a tree,
    With the goal of providing re-leaf.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    We glanced at a tree in the park
    It was grand, yet attractively stark!
    “It’s a dogwood” said Joe
    “And here’s how I know”
    “I looked at its beautiful bark”

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    The cost of their service had soared;
    So now I am cutting the cord.
    We can still watch TV,
    Once I do it for free
    By the shed where the woodpile is stored.

  31. John Shardlow says:

    A sky-diving champion, Claude
    Found danger was making him bored
    He felt such a klutz
    And suffered crushed nuts
    When late in pulling his cord

  32. Dave Johnson says:

    When driving, he always expects
    To answer an incoming text.
    His focus on keys
    Could end up in the trees;
    While The Grim Reaper plays “Thank U, Next.”

  33. Tony Holmes says:

    Geometrically speaking, a chord
    Is a line with two points on the bord’.
    From Latin for ‘Bowstring’,
    A useful to know thing,
    And so closely related to cord.

  34. Tony Holmes says:

    Variations on a theme.

    Tried researching your family tree?
    There are shocks in store, just wait and see.
    Great Grandpa was an earl,
    But great Grandma, a churl,
    Which means you are related to me.

    If researching your family tree,
    Steel yourself for some shocks; you will see.
    Quite convinced you are royal?
    Well you aren’t! You’re a boil
    On the backside of peasants like me.

  35. Tony Holmes says:

    Improved – a bit.

    Geometrically speaking, a chord
    Is a line with two points on the bord’.
    From Latin for ‘Bowstring’,
    A useful to know thing,
    And thus, closely related to cord.

  36. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m happy now.

    Geometrically speaking, a chord
    Is a line with two points on the bord’.
    From the Latin for ‘Bowstring’ –
    A useful to know thing –
    And closely related to cord.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    At times when I’m feeling just crappy
    It makes my spouse very unhappy!
    So he kisses my feet
    And calls me “sweet sweet”
    Cuz just like a tree, he’s real sappy.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 50’s kids never were bored
    New adventures were fully explored:
    Dipping braids into ink
    Saving heads made to shrink
    And chewin’ that telephone cord.

  39. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve discovered I’m now in accord
    With a viewpoint I’ve always deplored.
    I am shocked! What has changed?
    Am I sick or deranged?
    No, it’s worse – I got lazy and bored.

  40. Tony Holmes says:

    In Response To Lisi.

    When my spouse let’s me know she’s unhappy,
    I’m on notice to do something, snappy.
    I’ll kiss feet – for a start –
    Then work up to the part
    Which when tickled, makes all spouses sappy.

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    Like the first version better, but this is the correct syllable count.

    When spouse lets me know she’s unhappy,
    I’m driven to do something, snappy.
    I’ll kiss feet – for a start –
    Then work up to the part
    Which tickled, makes all spouses sappy.

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    “I was born with the heart of an oak”,
    Said the Donald. “Believe me, no joke!”
    His heart may be good,
    But his brain’s solid wood,
    Which is why the whole country is broke.

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    The guitarist kept strumming a chord,
    The same one. People got very bored,
    But his lessons had stopped
    At C major; he’d dropped
    All the others he couldn’t afford.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Paint Your Wagon” 1969

    Just love Alan Lerner, but PLEASE!
    Why would someone with such expertise
    Get totally boozed
    Not to mention confused
    And stand around talking to trees?

  45. Brian Allgar says:

    His offspring, it’s easy to see,
    Are as crooked as President T,
    Grabbing ill-gotten loot,
    Which just shows that the fruit
    Never falls very far from the tree.

  46. Brian Allgar says:

    (Replaces preceding limerick – first line changed)

    His offspring, I’m sure you’ll agree,
    Are as crooked as President T,
    Grabbing ill-gotten loot –
    Which just shows that the fruit
    Never falls very far from the tree.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    The scientists gathered around
    To resolve something very profound:
    A tree did a flop
    Followed by a kerplop
    And none of them heard a damn sound.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    fixing mistakes in above limerick

    The scientists gathered around
    To resolve something very profound:
    A tree did a flop
    And then went kerplop
    (Not one of them heard a damn sound)

  49. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Trump to the hooker, “You’ll see
    That my wood is the size of a tree!”
    But when he was nude,
    She said “Don’t think me rude –
    It looks more like a bonsai to me.”

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    An aging porn actor with glee:
    “Ole Deadwood now stands like a tree!
    With help from this pill,
    There’s a role I can fill
    In ‘Debbie Does A.A.R.P’… “

  51. Brian Allgar says:

    (Correction: bonsai)

    **********
    Fixed

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Take guitar and you’ll never be bored!
    Come here Susie and try this neat chord
    “What are you NUTS?
    Or just a real PUTZ?
    A new manicure I can’t AFFORD!”

  53. John Shardlow says:

    A neighbour planted sequoia
    On his boundary just to annoy her
    Giant Redwoods you see
    Are the largest of tree
    And now he’s just heard from her lawyer

  54. Tony Holmes says:

    Because Mad’s so strict.

    Geometrically speaking, a chord
    Is a line with two points on the bord’.
    From the Latin for ‘Bowstring’ –
    A useful to know thing –
    It rhymes, very neatly, with sward.

  55. Tony Holmes says:

    I would never admit that I snored,
    So, my wife made recordings – I’m floored!
    Beyond doubt, she was right,
    But the future is bright –
    We’ve discovered a new major chord.

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    Shook a branch on my family tree;
    What dropped out cleared up one mystery.
    Way, way back in the mists,
    Before writers made lists,
    They crossed two kinds of apes to get me.

  57. Tony Holmes says:

    An admittedly, drastic, response to Brian Allgar’s excellent limerick, included for clarity.

    His offspring, I’m sure you’ll agree,
    Are as crooked as President T,
    Grabbing ill-gotten loot –
    Which just shows that the fruit
    Never falls very far from the tree.

    “It’s a fact that some trees is just weeds;
    When they isn’t consumin’, they breeds.
    Cull ‘em all, branch and root –
    Smother every off-shoot –
    An’ be sure to pick up all the seeds.”

  58. Tony Holmes says:

    My thanks to Dave Johnson for the inspiration for this one.

    Almost all men like toying with wood;
    By and large, wives agree, this is good.
    Keep the int’rest alive,
    If you need to, revive;
    It is better for all that it stood.

  59. Tony Holmes says:

    Hmmm! Quite a few variations occur, but I shall limit myself, for your sakes, to this one. Can’t think why I didn’t see it the first time.

    Almost all men like working with wood;
    By and large, wives agree, this is good.
    Keep the int’rest alive,
    If you need to, revive;
    It is better for all that it stood.

  60. Tony Holmes says:

    If it’s true we evolved from the apes –
    Though, quite how we achieved this, escapes –
    Why can’t we, if you please,
    Swing with ease through the trees,
    Without getting ourselves into scrapes?

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    The baby was on the tree top
    It was rockin’ and rockin’ non stop!
    But then the bough broke
    And it sure was no joke
    When that little bambino went “plop”

  62. Tony Holmes says:

    If the man in your life plays with wood,
    And you’re not really sure that if should,
    Gain respect, take a stand;
    Say that you’ll lend a hand;
    Doing things as a couple is good.

  63. Tony Holmes says:

    As a man, enjoy working with wood,
    And your wife will agree, this is good;
    Should performance rates sag,
    Or your interest flag,
    Do not ask, “Should I bother?” You should!

  64. Tony Holmes says:

    This corrects a couple of errors.

    If the man in your life plays with wood,
    And you aren’t really sure that he should,
    Gain respect, take a stand;
    Say that you’ll lend a hand;
    Doing things as a couple is good.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today, I’m divorced. (Thank The Lord!)
    My ex hubby who I once adored:
    Said, “Let’s paint it red”
    I screamed, “NO!” Blue instead!
    The grounds were “Zilch Color Accord”

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    My in-laws are coming, OH LORD!
    They’re dumb and they make me so BORED!
    When they get here today
    I’ll just vacuum away
    And make sure that they trip on the cord.

  67. Dave Johnson says:

    The pirates, a larcenous horde,
    Took over while storming aboard.
    A boat crew of nine
    Bound together with twine
    Held fast; they were all in a cord.

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    DIY or WDIT? Wood is so versatile, don’t you think?

    So, your man likes to work with his wood,
    And you want to join in – well, you should.
    Get a grip! Take a stand!
    Tell him, “I’ll lend a hand.”
    Couples should work together – that’s good!

    So, your man likes to play with his wood,
    And you want to join in – well, you should.
    Get a grip! Take a stand!
    Tell him, “I’ll lend a hand.”
    Couples should play together – that’s good!

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bible Class: The TRUE Story!

    And so on the Earth with no shame
    Came Adam who God did proclaim
    From a tree he ate fruit
    Which then caused him to toot
    And he told God that Eve was to blame.

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    Oops! Mad – please change “hoard” to “horde”
    in line 1 of my post above.
    Thanks! Dave

    *****
    Done.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Bonsai are very small trees
    They’re SACRED and lovely, so please
    Take very good care
    And thus you will share
    This treasure of all Japanese

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    Those trees that were blocking his view
    Are suddenly lying askew.
    Officials resist
    As he tries to insist
    The wind just selectively blew.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    There was poop on my friend Jenny Lee!
    A disgusting sight that I did see!
    I asked, “Jen! what went wrong?”
    And she sang a sweet song:
    “There’s a par-tri-ij in your pear tree”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction? line 5

    There was poop on my friend Jenny Lee
    A disgusting sight that I did see
    I asked, Jen! What went wrong?”
    And she sang a sweet song:
    “There’s a par-tri-idge in your pear tree.

  75. John Shardlow says:

    For tapeworms, herpes and piles
    Slippery elm bark is better by miles
    Sore throat and colic
    This cure’s hyperbolic
    Is provoking some cynical smiles

  76. Tim James says:

    I knew a composer who scored
    An opera most people ignored
    ‘Bout an Army man struck
    By a half-track and truck.
    A-flat major’s its dominant chord.

  77. Diane Groothuis says:

    He thought that his dinghy was moored
    And nothing appeared untoward
    So he went on his way
    For the rest of the day
    But some scoundrel in spite cut the cord.

  78. Diane Groothuis says:

    The captain had called “all aboard”
    And the guitarist struck up a chord
    They danced and they swam
    But on shore I still am
    T’was a cruise that I couldn’t afford.

  79. Diane Groothuis says:

    I do think that I’ll never see
    A poem so nice as a tree
    Providing good shade
    In Heaven they’re made
    And useful to dogs when they pee.

  80. John Shardlow says:

    A marvellous tree, the Acacia
    The palest of leaves and they’re lacier
    But us giraffes, we scorns
    Those bloody great thorns
    So easy to reach and much tastier!

  81. John Shardlow says:

    Phil Harris went down on one knee
    To the woodman, was making this plea
    “Save my Elm cos’ the wife
    Is causing me strife,
    Just leave my route open to flee”!

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    Inspired by Lisi’s Bible Class.

    It the vegans were given their way,
    We’d eat veg, fruit and pulses all day.
    But from one piece of fruit
    Came all troubles. Compute?
    That’s why vegans must never hold sway.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry! That should, of course, be ‘If’.

    If the vegans were given their way,
    We’d eat veg, fruit and pulses all day.
    But from one piece of fruit
    Came all troubles. Compute?
    That’s why vegans must never hold sway.

  84. Tim James says:

    It’s time we Americans take
    Active steps so our forests don’t bake.
    Finland takes the right tack
    With a spirit we lack.
    Saddle up, ev’ryone! Grab a rake!

  85. Diane Groothuis says:

    I checked on my own family tree
    Finding who was related to me
    Well I come from good stock
    But it came as a shock
    That Dad’s branch didn’t want me to be

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was something I could not foresee!
    I was just a bit drunk, (oh dear me!)
    There were nuts all around
    On the lawn and the ground
    I backed into our family tree.

  87. Kirk Miller says:

    Genealogists happen to be
    Looking into a family tree.
    Gynecologists, though,
    As I think you should know,
    Look at family bush, don’t you see.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    My doggie just loves to go pee
    In the back, so that no one will see
    But since he met Daisy
    His hormones went crazy
    And those love birds now share the same tree.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tense correction of above limerick:

    My doggie just loved to go pee
    In the back, so that no one would see
    But since he met Daisy
    His hormones went crazy
    And those love birds now share the same tree.

  90. David Reddekopp says:

    People say he was clumsy, the stork
    And that’s why I look like a dork
    This I’m not conceding
    I blame the inbreeding
    My family tree does not fork.

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    Let fruitarians dictate our course,
    Spend the rest of our days in remorse.
    We’ll look younger, they say,
    But who cares? There’s no way
    I will ever subscribe or endorse.

    Let fruitarians once have their way
    And we’ll live out our lives in dismay.
    Never, never forget,
    That one bite was what set
    All the woes of the world underway.

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    An arboreal resident, I –
    So conveniently close to the sky.
    From my nest, I can flit,
    Find a perch, dump my shit,
    And away ‘fore the vic’ wipes his eye.

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    If the will of the vegans gains sway,
    We’ll eat veg’, fruit and pulses all day.
    Natural gases, unchecked,
    Will see planet Earth, wrecked;
    We must keep such subversives at bay.

    We don’t dare give the vegans their way,
    They’ll lock burgers and bacon away.
    No more meat! It’s a crime!
    Vegans ought to do time.
    Lock ‘em all up together, I say.

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    “Let us strive, at all times for, accord
    And make peace and goodwill our reward.
    And for days when it’s hard
    To maintain our regard,
    We’ll have hangings and floggings restored.”

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    “Do you like silken bindings?” she purred.
    ‘Eh, I’m not really sure.’ I demurred.
    “Well?” she tightened the cord,
    “I’m still waiting!” she roared.
    ‘And at that point, my manhood was stirred.’

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    Or…

    “Do you like silken bindings?” she purred.
    ‘Eh, I’m not really sure.’ I demurred.
    “Well?” she tightened the cord,
    “I’m still waiting!” she roared.
    ‘And at that point, my manhood deferred.’

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    Bestirred is better.

    “Do you like silken bindings?” she purred.
    ‘Eh, I’m not really sure.’ I demurred.
    “Well?” she tightened the cord,
    “I’m still waiting!” she roared.
    ‘And at that point, my manhood bestirred.’

  98. Tony Holmes says:

    Having finally reached an accord,
    All the delegates found themselves bored.
    So, they started a spat,
    Which destroyed concordat,
    And went back to the old drawing board.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    We played piano and people were floored!
    Then we married, (and what a reward!)
    We’re so happy, you see
    Cuz my Charlie and me
    Are always in tonal accord

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    We used to kiss under the trees
    Enjoying the warm summer breeze
    But then John moved away
    And I cry every day
    Seems I’ve got “Weeping Willow Disease”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought that my poodle was bright
    She plays piano all day and all night
    When she hits the wrong chord
    It’s off-key and untoward
    Seems her Bach is much worse than her bite

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    In Florida, palm trees will sway,
    With sunbathers basking all day.
    Some willing and proud
    To be showing the crowd
    What others should never display.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the Spring, don’t sit under the trees!
    (Even though there’s a beautiful breeze!)
    When the pollen is high
    You feel you’ll just die
    Cuz you’ll sneeze and you’ll wheeze and dodge bees!

  104. John Shardlow says:

    You gardeners, please make this pledge
    Whenever you’re planting a hedge
    Laurel is dandy
    But shun the Leylandi
    Between neighbours it’s driving a wedge

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    I know ‘ere’ is archaic, but I’m fully licenced.

    An arboreal resident, I –
    So conveniently close to the sky.
    From my nest, I can flit,
    Find a perch, dump some shit,
    And begone ere the vic’ wipes his eye.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    Syllable Adjustment On Line 2

    I thought that my poodle was bright
    She plays piano all day and night
    When she hits the wrong chord
    It’s off-key and untoward
    Seems her Bach is much worse than her bite

  107. Allan Williams says:

    It was an extremely jarring, untuneful chord.
    A listener reacted as though he’d been gored.
    Targeted the oboist,
    And the bass soloist
    Drove them off the stage, brandishing his sword.

  108. Fred Bortz says:

    As hist’ry will sadly record
    A basket of those she deplored
    Did Hillary in,
    Giving Donald the win
    With votes that could not be ignored.

    His electoral victory scored,
    He baited his bigoted horde
    With alternate facts
    That justified acts
    Of hatred and evil, untoward.

    There still may be time to reward
    This land that we all have adored.
    In the year twenty-twenty,
    Let’s cast votes aplenty.
    The outcome must not be encored.

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    An arboreal resident, I –
    So conveniently close to the sky.
    Free to hop, skip and jump,
    Find a perch, take a dump,
    And tweet, “Human, here’s mud in your eye.”

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    All my protests were largely ignored
    As she skilfully knotted the cord.
    I’d thought I had ensnared,
    So, was quite unprepared,
    For the rigour with which she ‘explored’.

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    The Good Old Days? or The Trumpian Solution?

    “Every option’s been fully explored –
    You’re no nearer to reaching accord.
    Since there’s no room for doubt,
    And you can’t sort it out,
    We’ll put every last one to the sword.”

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    The Good Old Days? 2

    Option one demands wiping the board
    So all parties can reach an accord.
    Option two is less kind,
    But I think you will find
    That it beats option three, “It’s the sword!”

  113. Tony Holmes says:

    The Good Old Days?

    “With all parties no nearer accord
    I suggest a new course be explored.
    Tell me who still dissents,
    We’ll adjourn to our tents,
    And I’ll ginger them up with the sword.”

  114. Tony Holmes says:

    Don’t lynch me!

    In the good old days, reaching accord
    Would mean bowing the knee to your lord.
    Not today! Lords are out,
    Once for all, put to rout,
    By the feminist movement. I’m awed.

  115. Brian Allgar says:

    Do the annals of history record
    Any POTUS so wholly abhorred?
    Did a President ever
    Believe it was clever
    To blackmail the country? Oh, lord!

  116. Brian Allgar says:

    He had bound her with chains and with cord,
    And she’d won the ‘best hooker’ award.
    But the guy was a pain;
    Golden showers again?
    Trump’s ‘best hooker’ was utterly bored.

  117. Diane Groothuis says:

    Yes his hooker was utterly bored
    At the routine with chains and with cord
    To the chagrin of Don
    The interest was gone
    He could tell by how loudly she snored.

  118. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m an old-fashioned cove, I contend,
    And I live by a code I commend.
    So, if this strikes a chord,
    Then, just maybe I’ve scored;
    Push ‘accept’ right away, and befriend.

  119. Tony Holmes says:

    A response to Diane – not a dig!

    Yes, Diane is completely correct,
    It’s a topic in need of neglect.
    All these hookers with cord,
    It’s no wonder she’s bored;
    Let’s abandon this theme. Press reject!

  120. Jean McEwen says:

    Sven and Ole were both in accord:
    “We can steer this ship through that fjord!”
    But alas, soon their skiff
    Crashed straight into a cliff.
    (Need I say it? Their crew’s ox was gored.)

  121. Jean McEwen says:

    Please don’t slander my poor hemlock tree.
    It’s not poisonous–trust me! You see,
    It is not like the plant
    That’s called hemlock; it can’t
    Ever hurt you–so no need to flee!

  122. Fred Bortz says:

    There’s a tree that I love in the park.
    I can find it at night when it’s dark.
    Dogwood’s blossoms and fruit
    Bring delight to my snoot,
    But what’s best is the sound of its bark.

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our rabbit was so gosh-darn bored
    So we gave him a crunchy reward!
    Then he fixed our T.V.
    It was easy cuz he
    Chomped away on the jumbo black cord.

  124. Fred Bortz says:

    When rhyming, this poet’s word choice
    Created a feminine voice
    In a work that’s called “Trees,”
    Which is why some think he’s
    A woman whose first name was Joyce.

  125. Valerie Fish says:

    The person I would like to accord
    The most unfit for office award
    Is that amoral chump
    President Donald Trump
    Such a shame he just can’t be ignored

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    Minor improvement.

    An arboreal resident, I –
    So conveniently close to the sky.
    Free to hop, skip and jump,
    Find a perch, take a dump,
    And tweet, “Hey man! Here’s mud in your eye.”

  127. Tony Holmes says:

    Another minor improvement.

    Yes, Diane is completely correct,
    It’s a topic in need of neglect.
    All these hookers with cord,
    It’s no wonder she’s bored;
    Let’s abandon this theme. Press ‘Reject’!

  128. Tim James says:

    A literal-minded young guy’d
    Watched his cable rates jump, horrified.
    He tried cutting the cord,
    Earned a Darwin Award
    Because slicing the wire left him fried.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the 50’s we never got bored!
    Cuz some things were just so untoward!
    Like my cousin Marie
    Was so stupid that she
    Choked herself with the telephone cord.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought that I’d just be unable!
    But at last laid my cards on the table!
    I cut that darn cord
    What a pleasant reward!
    I now live my life without cable.

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! too many syllables! Try Again with different pronouns:

    We thought that we’d just be unable
    Then took it right off of the table!
    At last cut the cord
    What a pleasant reward!
    We now live our lives without cable

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    Melania has a good head
    People think she is very well-bred
    But don’t hire Trump’s spouse
    To go spruce up your house
    Cause she’ll dye your new Christmas tree red

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: Could you add “go” to line 4 so it will read:
    “To go spruce up your house”
    I think the meter will be better.

    Thank You
    Lisi

    *****
    Done.

  134. Tony Holmes says:

    Buster sat by the yard door and pawed;
    In his mouth was a leash made of cord.
    This meant, “Master – let’s go!”
    I said, “Buster – the snow!”
    So, he turned on me eyes that implored.

  135. Tony Holmes says:

    When you’re finding life dull, and you’re bored,
    Try this tip from the Viking Accord.
    Sail away, sack a village –
    Some quick rape and pillage –
    Then home with your plunder on board.

  136. Tony Holmes says:

    “Viking life gets you out on the fjord,
    And quite often, we take trips abroad.
    Join today – sack a village –
    We teach rape and pillage –
    Are you Vikings? Then join the Accord!”

  137. Tony Holmes says:

    Having abandoned the very fruitful bondage motif, I am now introducing the rape and pillage motif as an alternative. Boys will be boys. LOL

  138. Sharon Neeman says:

    Trees are sources of infinite good:
    They give shade, fruit, nuts, syrup and wood —
    And what’s more, in a pinch
    They are useful to lynch
    Orange monsters (if only we could!).

  139. Tony Holmes says:

    “You’re all gonna be rich!” someone roared.
    When the values went up, spirits soared.
    Values plunged, our hearts sank;
    They foreclosed at the bank;
    And that ‘someone’ was hanged by a cord.

  140. Dave Johnson says:

    “I’m coming down hard off a breeze;
    Just hoping to clear all those trees…”
    Now safe without fail,
    A young hang glider’s tale
    Describing the moment he pees.

  141. Sharon Neeman says:

    Wednesday Addams found out that a cord
    Is a marvelous thing if you’re bored:
    She strangled her brother,
    Her dad and her mother,
    Who found their eternal reward.

  142. Tony Holmes says:

    Wednesday, acting alone, killed all three?
    Uncle Fester was in on the spree.
    Their first choice was a sword,
    But they settled for cord,
    Because blood is so messy. You see?

  143. Valerie Fish says:

    As the apple fell from the tree
    Newton cried out excitedly
    If my theory’s right
    I think I’ve just might
    Have discovered gravity

  144. Fred Bortz says:

    A two-fer: The Old Oak

    The couple, in ardent accord,
    Their initials in tree bark had scored,
    Leaving evidence, oaken,
    Of love never broken.
    They’ve aged, yet they know they’re adored.

  145. Tim Gray says:

    Reference to the Moody Blues

    I thought, that as I was bored,
    I’d search for the Lost Chord.
    Then with a whack,
    It hit me, smack,
    Who’d know if it’s ever been scored.

  146. Tim Gray says:

    It’s not only because I am Finnish
    That I help forest fires to diminish.
    I might be mistook,
    But just take a look,
    Most forests aren’t black, they are greenish.

  147. Tim Gray says:

    Out walking I met me a lumberjack
    Who invited me home to his rhumba sack
    Up his pole stood
    As firm as some wood
    But no phone, alas he’s a number lack.

  148. Tim Gray says:

    My marriage is bound by frayed cord
    That unravels as points are scored
    From the twice daily spat
    Of vile tit-for-tat,
    There’s no hope that love be restored.

  149. Tim Gray says:

    Trump tries hard at accord
    But he gets either angry or bored.
    There’s also to say,
    He wants things his own way,
    And for him to be overlord.

  150. Tim Gray says:

    Wood (chopped up trees)

    I’ll order just half of a cord,
    I’ve a very small space where it’s stored…
    But if I burn it to ash
    A lot more could I stash,
    So I think that ten cord is the ord.

  151. Dave Johnson says:

    Way up in our Juniper tree,
    Some robins are there on a spree.
    With berries fermented,
    Their beaks are now dented
    From banging a window or three.

  152. Tim Gray says:

    By accident he lit a cord
    In the bag where the rockets were stored.
    He’d dropped his cheroot
    And off they did shoot
    Horizontally, my how they roared.

  153. P Diane Schneider says:

    While picking the fruit a man soared
    On a ladder whilst swinging his sword
    He did it this way
    We all heard him say
    Assuring the apple was cored

  154. Sharon Neeman says:

    Now we’re old, with bad joints and sore feet,
    We find bus rides more bitter than sweet,
    For we struggle to board
    Or reach up for the cord,
    And few youngsters will give us a seat.

    Should we drive? No, that’s hardly a lark:
    Trees take scary new shapes in the dark,
    They cavort in the rain,
    And it’s hard to explain
    Why we hit one whenever we park.

    Taking cabs is a strain on the purse,
    Makes our budget and blood pressure worse –
    No, I think we’ll stay in
    Where it’s warm, play some gin,
    Drink some scotch, and write crotchety verse.

  155. Sharon Neeman says:

    A lanyard’s a strange kind of cord
    That kids weave on a spool when they’re bored.
    Some finish, but more
    Throw the spool in a drawer
    With the other weird junk that they hoard.

  156. Tony Holmes says:

    Suggested by Sharon’s tree limerick. Sorry they’re a bit grim.

    “As a tree, I don’t mind giving shade,
    Or my bounty, that’s why I was made.
    But I strongly object
    When you humans erect,
    Having first destroyed forest and glade.”

    “As for trees, we are wroth – and dismayed,
    By the folly mankind has displayed.
    Malcontent, you’re misled;
    Carry on, we’re all dead.
    You’re in charge but you’ve only betrayed.”

  157. Tony Holmes says:

    Minor improvement.

    Buster sat by the yard door and pawed;
    In his mouth was a leash made of cord.
    This meant, “Master – let’s go!”
    I said, “Buster – the snow!”
    So, he fixed me with eyes that implored.

  158. Sharon Neeman says:

    Like a hound dog that swallowed a cord,
    Trump is driving us out of our gourd.
    Through the shutdown we sit
    And examine his shit
    Till it passes and calm is restored.

  159. Tony Holmes says:

    As a Viking, I live by the sword,
    Which is tied to my wrist by a cord.
    I just might, in a fight,
    As I swing left and right,
    Win, ‘Most Valuable Viking’ award.

  160. Tony Holmes says:

    Just a thought, Sharon.

    If your hound dog has swallowed a cord,
    Euthanasia might be explored.
    Simple kindness dictates,
    And no law abrogates,
    It’s an option that can’t be ignored.

    Every hound dog is given its day,
    Which is fine but comes time it must pay.
    Let the misery end,
    It’s a kindness, my friend,
    But gets harder the more you delay.

  161. Tony Holmes says:

    Another minor improvement

    If your hound dog has swallowed a cord,
    Euthanasia might be explored.
    Simple kindness dictates,
    And no law abrogates,
    It’s an option that can’t be ignored.

    Every hound dog, it’s said, has its day,
    Which is fine but comes time it must pay.
    Let the misery end,
    It’s a kindness, my friend,
    But gets harder the more you delay.

  162. Tony Holmes says:

    By my wife and my dog, I’m adored,
    But now broke, only one can afford.
    Dog or wife? What a choice!
    If the dog had a voice,
    Then I’m sure we could reach an accord.

  163. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, please remove the hyphens I’ve inserted between hound and dog. TKS.

    ****
    Done.

  164. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dear, we must reach an accord
    Deciding ’bout Chevy or Ford!
    “Here’s a bicycle, Sue
    It’s the kind built for two
    Cause that’s all that we can afford.”

  165. Kirk Miller says:

    To a nut tree the squirrel was drawn.
    Said the tree, “I do wish you’d move on
    To a walnut or oak.
    They have shells you can poke.
    Please go find someone else to pecan.”

  166. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Louise” Maurice Chevalier

    Last evening I felt a warm breeze
    It seemed to have come from the trees
    The twittering birds
    Sang a song with the words:
    “I love you, my darling Louise”

  167. Allan Williams says:

    Dissonant music he truly abhorred
    Ready to slice and dice with his sword
    Clashing harmony
    Made him angry
    Had his own way of striking a chord.

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    There must be a “Bonding Accord”
    In a marriage bestowed by the Lord
    Never give up that grin
    Cause then you might win
    The “Grand Science Fiction Award”

  169. Dave Johnson says:

    All during their walk through the trees,
    He yammers – just shooting the breeze.
    She says “OK stop.”
    While removing her top;
    “You need to be talking to these.”

  170. Brian Allgar says:

    “Well, St. Pete, you have had to record
    That I’m evil, I’ve lied, and I’ve whored.
    ‘WORST PRESIDENT EVER!’
    But, hey, I’m so clever,
    I’ll offer a deal to the Lord.”

  171. Tony Holmes says:

    My Response To Brian’s limerick, above.

    Well, St Peter just laughed, right out loud,
    And was joined, in his mirth, by the crowd.
    “I am bound by The Lord
    To refuse an accord –
    And there are NO EXCEPTIONS allowed.”

  172. Tony Holmes says:

    Well, St Peter just laughed, right out loud,
    And was joined, in his mirth, by the crowd.
    “I am bound by The Lord
    To refuse an accord –
    And there are NO EXCEPTIONS allowed.”

    “Things work differently here, you will learn,
    You’ll be brought up to speed while you burn.
    There’s no compromise here,
    Lies don’t work, nor does fear;
    And we don’t reassess – or adjourn.”

  173. Tony Holmes says:

    Well, St Peter just laughed, right out loud,
    And was joined, in his mirth, by the crowd.
    “I am bound by The Lord
    To refuse an accord –
    And there are NO EXCEPTIONS allowed.”

    “Things work differently here, you will learn,
    You’ll be brought up to speed while you burn.
    There’s no compromise here,
    Lies don’t work, nor does fear;
    And we don’t reassess – or adjourn.”

    Can a limerick be heaven sent?
    “Mister President – think and repent!
    You’ve still time to record,
    That you’re straight, with The Lord;
    Make the play, or prepare for descent.”

  174. Tony Holmes says:

    “Re your blessings, best count AND record.
    Just like you, I was rich and adored.
    Now life’s bleak and I’m broke –
    Happened all at one stroke;
    My names Donald and now I’m abhorred.”

  175. Tony Holmes says:

    Slightly better.

    “Re your blessings, best count AND record.
    Just like you, I was rich and adored.
    Now life’s bleak and I’m broke –
    Happened all at one stroke;
    My names Donald; today I’m abhorred.”

  176. Tony Holmes says:

    A Tree’s Eye View Or Too Much Time To Think

    Which is better, a tree or a man?
    Let me answer as best as I can.
    While a man humps and breeds,
    All trees do is drop seeds.
    Could it be man was in on the plan?

    Not forgetting the mammals and birds;
    All get matey in couples or herds.
    They can all fornicate,
    We have bees pollinate.
    The injustice deprives me of words.

  177. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, this must be annoying; but I always seem to find improvements after I’ve posted. Perhaps I should try to be less impetuous…? Naa!

    A Tree’s Eye View Or Too Much Time To Think

    Which is better, a tree or a man?
    Let me answer as best as I can.
    While a man humps and breeds,
    All trees do is drop seeds.
    Could it be that man altered the plan?

    Not forgetting the mammals and birds;
    All get matey in couples or herds.
    They can all fornicate,
    We have bees pollinate.
    The injustice deprives me of words.

  178. Tony Holmes says:

    A Tree’s Eye View Or Too Much Time To Think

    Which is better, a tree or a man?
    Let me answer as best as I can.
    While a man humps and breeds,
    All trees do is drop seeds.
    Could it be that man altered the plan?

    Not forgetting the mammals and birds;
    All get matey in couples or herds.
    They can all fornicate,
    We have bees pollinate.
    The injustice deprives me of words.

    But when all’s said and done, you’ll agree,
    That there’s much to be said for the tree.
    Trees don’t lie, cheat or shoot –
    And they never pollute –
    And they’re handy for dogs who must pee.

  179. Tony Holmes says:

    From the moment they severed the cord
    Life went tits up and never restored.
    Dragged from warm, cosy night
    To be slapped in the light,
    And then forced to bed down on the ward.

  180. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our initials were carved in a tree
    It said, that “forever” we’ll be
    But soon we did part
    Cause I saw the same heart
    Seems that other trees cheated on me.

  181. Lisi Nortman says:

    Eve and Adam ate food from a tree
    They were healthy and strong as can be!
    But when Eve ate a leaf
    Adam cried, “Oh good grief!
    That’s the laundry I’m taking to Li”

  182. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry! Absent apostrophe in the first post.

    “Re your blessings, best count AND record.
    Just like you, I was rich and adored.
    Now life’s bleak and I’m broke –
    Happened all at one stroke;
    My name’s Donald; today I’m abhorred.”

  183. Tony Holmes says:

    AAA (Adored / Abhorred Anonymous)

    “Re your blessings, best count AND record.
    Just like you, I was rich and adored.
    Now life’s bleak and I’m broke –
    Happened all at one stroke;
    My name’s Donald; today I’m abhorred.”

  184. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’ve been given a new spool of cord;
    It’s so useful, I never get bored.
    Making tents is good fun,
    But all-time number one?
    I lashed Pa to his chair while he snored.”

  185. Tony Holmes says:

    AAA Version 2

    “My name’s Donald. Today I’m abhorred,
    But time was, I was rich and adored.
    Lost it all at a stroke,
    Now life’s bleak and I’m broke…
    Are you getting all this? Press ‘Record’!”

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    I took good advice from a tree
    To “give” seems to be the right “key”
    I went out on a limb
    To help my friend Jim
    And that sure did satisfy me.

  187. John Shardlow says:

    I’m done with high fashion, I’m bored
    Before, only ‘name labels’ scored
    Brogue shoes and tweed
    Are all that I need
    And pants that are made out of cord

  188. Lisi Nortman says:

    My family tree’s quite a mix
    Gotta say it contains mostly hicks
    The rest of the crowd
    Are disgusting and loud
    It’s a cactus tree full of dumb pricks

    My second version:

    My family tree’s quite a mix
    Gotta say it contains mostly hicks
    The rest of the bunch
    Are just so “out to lunch”
    It’s a cactus tree full of dumb pricks

  189. Dave Johnson says:

    Inside an old telephone booth,
    Stood a horny young man from Duluth.
    Instructions ignored,
    Wrapped his bone with the cord;
    Then made calls that were very uncouth.

  190. Tim Gray says:

    I lost both of my legs at the knees
    With a chainsaw while chopping down trees.
    A task I now meet
    Is finding my feet
    After buried by dog if you please.

  191. Tim Gray says:

    The parkourer’s hang round like derricks
    A Stephen, a John and three Eric’s
    They swing with great ease
    From branches in trees
    Most highly skilled these limb Eric’s

  192. Tim Gray says:

    See the gentle trees
    Lofting in the breeze…
    But then again
    It was Force 10
    And minus twelve degrees.

  193. Tim Gray says:

    The matador was nearly gored,
    He’d tripped on his shoe-lace cord.
    The picador speared
    The bull as it reared,
    And dignity was then restored.

  194. Tim Gray says:

    See the forest and not the trees,
    The solution is really a breeze…
    Give all those at the border
    A rake and an order,
    “Clean up the mess if you please.”

  195. Tim Gray says:

    He’ll just string you along
    By pretending to sing the same song.
    You’ll not be adored,
    No knot in the chord,
    And pretty soon he’ll be gone.

  196. DAVID FRIEDMAN says:

    The sleepy old man is in court again
    It seems he’s committed a tort again
    As he dozed and snored
    He crashed his Accord
    And now it’s a Honda accordion

  197. DAVID FRIEDMAN says:

    I drive around in an old Ford
    While my wife drives a Honda Accord
    I’m truly sorry
    But a Ferrari
    Is far more than I can afford.

  198. DAVID FRIEDMAN says:

    A punk rocker once became famous
    Producing a sound strange and heinous
    He’d play a B chord
    The same time he gored
    A stick in the bass player’s anus.

  199. Kirk Miller says:

    Throughout hist’ry we’ve acted like tyrants.
    Mother Nature we’ve thumbed with defiance.
    We’re not top of the chain.
    To the Earth, we’re a pain.
    It’s not humans, but trees, that are giants.

    Through the droughts and the storms, trees survive,
    And the insects and animals thrive.
    After noises are stirred,
    A cacophony’s heard.
    Sit and listen. The woods come alive.

    Huge sequoias are just stupendous.
    We are spellbound and find they rend us
    Rather speechless, in awe,
    ‘Cause the things people saw
    Are amazing; they’re just tree-mendous.

    Thanks to efforts begun by John Muir,
    The sequoias will surely endure.
    So wherever they’re from,
    Generations to come
    Can experience all their grandeur.

  200. Lisi Nortman says:

    Took a trip to the Florida Keys
    We heard they have beautiful trees!
    Under Dogwoods we sat
    Had a real friendly chat
    It was only one hundred degrees!

  201. Lisi Nortman says:

    We made torrid love under the trees
    Just me and my lover Louise
    Found a great hidden spot
    We were naked and hot
    Then my wife appeared, shouting, “SAY CHEESE”

  202. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve a feeling the birds and the trees
    Are conspiring – ‘gainst me, if you please.
    I am bombed from above
    By gull, starling and dove,
    And infected with Dutch Elm Disease.

  203. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m convinced that the birds and the trees
    Are conspiring – ‘gainst me, if you please.
    I am bombed from above
    By gull, starling and dove,
    And infected with Dutch Elm Disease.

    It may be that a careless remark,
    Overheard as I strolled through the park,
    Has been misunderstood,
    All I said was, that wood
    Makes a wonderful blaze after dark.

  204. Tony Holmes says:

    They’ve uncovered a branch of my tree
    And it’s posing a problem for me,
    As it raises some doubt.
    What to do? Tough it out,
    Or relinquish all claim for a fee?

  205. Tony Holmes says:

    A textual variation.

    There’s a branch in my family tree
    That is posing a problem for me,
    As it raises some doubt.
    What to do? Prune it out,
    Or relinquish all claim for a fee?

Leave a Reply