Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SELL or CELL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “SELL” or “CELL” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

On hearing a rather hard sell,
The shopper said, “Yes it drives well.
But my husband’s emphatic:
Divorce? Automatic…
If I purchase a car in pastel.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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106 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SELL or CELL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    In the U.S. it’s ALL the hard sell.
    From a pin to a whale. Ain’t it swell?
    Politicians and “stuff.”
    Hey, enough is enough!
    Sometimes I feel I live in Hell.

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    Dubbya reckoned the deal would be swell
    Even though it meant going to hell,
    But the Devil just laughed;
    “Buy your soul? Don’t be daft –
    You don’t even have one to sell.”

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Each trimester, her grades fell and fell,
    So her favours she offered to sell
    To her prof. Nowadays,
    He gives her straight “A”s
    In the class – and in private as well.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    In the tale of the Beauty called Belle,
    It’s the bowdlerized version they sell,
    For the Beast said he’d rather
    Just dine on her father
    And eat her for ‘afters’ as well.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    He was tunnelling out of his cell,
    But his sense of direction was hell;
    He came out in the garden
    In front of the Warden …
    He’s doing a solitary spell.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    His painting was certain to sell:
    “Birth of Venus”, quite nude, on the shell.
    Admiring her belly
    And breasts, Botticelli
    Said “Now let’s have sex – here’s some gel.”

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    The lady was trying to sell
    Her body; she tried like hell

    For an outrageous fee
    But I had to agree

    It was time for show and tell

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    Considering that I sell
    My body: I’m not doing well

    A few pennies a day
    Is all they pay

    I need a much better clientele

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mother was afraid that one cell
    Would make my life a living hell

    She advised not to neck
    Just say I’m a wreck

    And I happen to be unwell

  10. Dave Johnson says:

    Sad but true:

    The actor screamed “Turn off that cell;
    Your texting is ignorant as hell!

    It’s driving us nuts;
    But we have the guts

    To bring down this curtain as well!”

  11. Dave Johnson says:

    In the financial district, they tell
    The story of one who did well.

    A girl of the night
    Had played it just right;

    She had a great asset to sell.

  12. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    Our kid never talks on his cell
    But without it, he can’t function well
    No talking -he texts
    And fast finger pecks
    He would shock Alexander Graham Bell

  13. Jesse Levy says:

    Uh oh. Something just fell
    into the toilet. My cell!
    Well now it won’t work.
    I feel like a jerk.
    No more posts on Facebook. Oh, well.

  14. Dave Johnson says:

    A phone with a really hard shell
    When dropped, may not do very well.

    Perhaps they could place
    It inside a foam case;

    The market could use a soft cell.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Garage Sale

    I was trying very hard to sell
    A lovely pink and green shell

    A gal named Jenny
    Gave me a penny

    She said it was hers, so “Good bye and farewell”

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the funeral we all said “Farewell”
    To our dear friend named Mary Adele

    The music was stirring
    Until we all were concurring

    No one turned off their cell

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was asked to pick up Rochelle
    My grand daughter (I call her “Sweet Belle”)

    Someone knocked on my Ranger
    It looked like a stranger

    I couldn’t place her without her cell

  18. Jen says:

    Chatting her up via cell
    He sent hearts, flowers, as well
    As hoping she’d cheat
    He presented his meat
    “Check this out, just for you, can you tell?”

    T’was in lov,e, he swore, that he’d fell
    She had another but, well,
    He hoped she would wander
    For his double-entendre
    “Hey baby, all’s well that ends swell” ;-)

  19. scott says:

    after a night raising hell
    he found himself thrown in a cell
    for drunk and obscene it
    appears Mr. Peanut
    has really come out of his shell

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    I got a voice mail on my cell
    From my old girlfriend Michelle

    I was thrilled by the call
    She was the “Belle of the Ball”

    And now I’m the “Ball of the Belle”

  21. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Sallow Pig Farmer

    A pig farmer spoke on his cell
    I lost the swell swill down the well
    the sow you call Lush
    she, gave me a push
    and the whole darn lot, went to hell.

  22. Zelick Mendelovich says:


    A boat up and down on the swell
    believe me, I know what I tell
    fast engine or sail
    He stands by the rail
    and pukes taking selfie on cell.

  23. Dave Johnson says:

    A popular call-girl named Nell
    Has a kinky reply on her cell.

    While riding a bone,
    She relies on the phone

    For straightening out clientele.

  24. Brian Allgar says:

    You might think that there’s nothing to tell
    Of a primitive smidgeon of gel,
    Yet this cell had a plan
    That would end up as Man
    As it fused with a neighboring cell.

  25. Dave Johnson says:

    The Donald has something to sell;
    A concept on which we can dwell:

    How a loud billionaire
    With Halloween hair

    Would keep us from going to hell.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last year I tried to sell
    My beat-up Chevy; it looked like hell

    It didn’t have a hood
    So I realized I should

    Donate it to the home where unhappy cars dwell

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last night I found my husband’s cell
    The message said, “It’s me, Rochelle”

    “Last night you were naughty;
    And I just love being bawdy”

    This man is positively going to hell

  28. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker decided to sell
    On eBay as “Raunchy Raquel”.
    When they pressed “Buy it now”
    She’d deliver – and how! –
    And she now accepts PayPal as well.

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    Count Dracula found his red cell
    Count was terribly low, so he fell
    On a succulent neck.
    The girl said, “What the heck!
    Count on me for a top-up? Farewell!”

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    A composer called Henry Purcell …
    No, a limerick’s no place to tell
    You of music dramatic,
    Impassioned, chromatic;
    Just listen to “Dido’s Farewell.”

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    The spermatazoa swam well
    Till they reached the ovarian cell.
    But the egg said “No way!
    I’m not ready today.
    Try again in a week – time will tell.”

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    May I respectfully suggest to those limerick-writers who insert a blank line after the second and fourth lines that this is counter-productive, and interrupts the flow for the reader? May I also delicately suggest that you brush up on the metrical requirements of the limerick? The basic rule is that the meter should be triple, not duple …

  33. Dave Johnson says:


    Thanks for the input Brian, but I’ve always liked the separation whrn I write these things.

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    Dave –

    Ah, well, if the writer likes it, who is the reader to complain?

    And my remark about duple meter wasn’t directed at you; it’s just that I didn’t want to offend anyone specifically. I’m a gentle soul at heart, but unbelievably vicious when it comes to the rules of limerick-writing.

  35. Judith H. Block says:

    When Faustus decided to sell
    His soul, with the devil to dwell
    The face that launched ships
    Helen’s kiss on his lips
    He knew that he’d end up in Hell.

  36. Judith H. Block says:

    The call girl had hot skills to sell.
    Got guys under her magic spell.
    They were mentally charmed
    Their misgivings disarmed
    And had sex in a fancy hotel.

  37. Judith H. Block says:

    The time spent in a prison cell
    Father Berrigan always spent well
    The Plowshare Movement
    For mankind’s improvement
    In love and sweet peace may we dwell.

  38. Judith H. Block says:

    Mythology’s hard to dispel.
    In fantasy worlds, some folks dwell.
    Fundamental beliefs
    Irrational motifs.
    To them science is a hard sell.

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    Thanks Brian. When I read these, I sometimes lose the full impact of the piece (I’m old and slow), so that’s why I separate my lines. I didn’t know there was a specific rule regarding that (I’m also an old, slow amateur).

    Anyway, I really think your stuff is epic.

    BTW -Mad now has a new challenge word – duple

    Cheers, Dave

  40. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Marie Huana

    It’s seed for good weed that I sell
    just heat up your home for a spell
    stong lightings’ a must
    it’s big bucks or bust
    and pay off so no one will tell.

  41. Phil Graham says:

    An oversexed gal named Michelle
    Sans a man, solved her needs very well
    But then something transpired
    Which left ‘Chelle feeling wired
    Dildo needed a brand new C cell.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    This is the way I tried to sell
    ONE earring, (the other broke and fell)

    “Wear your hair
    Over one ear”

    And everyone will think you look real swell

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the flower convention I heard the ding of my cell
    I was “doing business; really quite well

    A man noticed my beauty
    And said, “Hi Cutie”

    I’ll be wearing a rose in my lapel”

  44. Dave Johnson says:

    Let’s do the Tighten Up…

    So Donald Trump started to yell
    “Their bad ones are bringing us hell!”
    “We’ll show him” they said.
    And now we have read
    Their worst one is out of his cell.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:


    This is the way I tried to sell
    A single earring; one broke and fell

    “Wear your hair
    Over one ear”

    And everyone will think you look real swell

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    If at some time you’re trying to sell
    Your old “shmatas” that don’t look quite well

    Say, with a smile:
    “They’re all back in style”

    Then grab the money and run like hell

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    At a certain age it’s hard to sell
    Your aging body that once looked quite well

    What used to be fun
    Feels like it’s come undone

    So just say you’re hitting a peculiar dry spell

  48. Phil Graham says:

    This one is for Brian Allgar and not intended for the contest (unless you want to consider it, Mad.)

    An English composer wrote well,
    But some critics don’t think him so swell
    They slam him, what’s worse’ll
    Pronounce his name PURS-ell,
    Most likely he said it “pur-SELL.”

  49. Kaye Roberts says:

    A guest in a solitary cell
    Thought the conditions were swell

    Catered meals, blankets warm
    Shelter out of the storm

    And even free treatments with Kwell

  50. Janie Gouge says:

    So what were you trying to sell?
    In your eyes, my heart nearly quells
    So suave and debonair
    Dear sir, you’re not fair
    Yet I don’t want you to curtail ;)

  51. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad, please delete the above. I got my coaches mixed up.

    I think I’ll go take a nap….

    Note from Mad Kane: Done.

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    When WRIting a LIMerick WELL,
    Good MEter is NOT hard to TELL.
    It HAS a nice BOUNCE,
    ConFORMS to the COUNTS
    And is EAsy to PRATtle and SELL.

  53. Phil Graham says:

    Nicely put, Dave Johnson, but I think some people have an innate problem…

    An embryo starts as one cell
    Therein gene for rhythm must dwell
    Or no matter how gallant
    Your efforts, the talent
    You lack makes your rhymes sound like hell.

  54. David Reddekopp says:

    Once a preacher approached me to sell
    Me on doctrines of heaven and hell
    But this carrot and stick
    Makes his god seem a dick
    And it’s all such a tall tale to tell.

  55. David Reddekopp says:

    I find some of these limericks swell
    But for others, the quality fell
    With problems of scansion
    This topic’s expansion
    Could hurt some and be a hard sell.

    If you say it boils down to the cell
    For the gift to write limericks well
    Then the verse, if frenetic
    Is a curse that’s genetic
    Unavoidable? Who can foretell?

  56. David Reddekopp says:

    Phil, this is for you. Yes, I’m going to be that guy.

    If your verse’s advice you would sell
    Then be certain you know how to spell
    I’d say most of it’s fine
    But a fix I’ll assign
    For it’s “gallant”; you’re missing an L.

  57. Through a tunnel he dug in his cell,
    El Chapo descended to hell
    and offered the devil
    a low-lying midlevel
    position within his cartel.

  58. Mark Kane says:

    I remember a hooker named Belle
    Who would gladly show off what she’d sell.
    Wearing barely no clothes,
    She’d strike up a pose,
    And promise to quell what might swell.

  59. Phil Graham says:

    And back at you, D.R. —

    Were I French, then my method of spell-
    ing that word would be perfectly swell
    But you’re right, Dave, “galant”
    Looked a little bit gaunt
    And besides that it didn’t scan well.

    I emailed Mad and asked her to beef it up for me.

  60. Phil Graham says:

    And yes, I realize I didn’t use ‘cell/sell’ above but it isn’t intended for the competition, anyway.

  61. Kristin Smith says:

    from Phyllis Sterling Smith,

    The best speculators who dwell
    In fine houses (that’s how you can tell).
    It’s bull or it’s bear;
    They don’t really care.
    They know when to buy, when to sell.

  62. Kristin Smith says:

    from Phyllis Sterling Smith,

    These fish are beginning to smell.
    Just wrinkle your nose; you can tell
    That these fish have gotten
    A little bit rotten
    Which makes them much harder to sell.

  63. Kristin Smith says:

    from Phyllis, Otto and Kristin F Smith

    Before the ubiquitous cell,
    If one had a story to tell,
    One just gave a shout
    And yelled the thing out
    At a five bar or more decibel.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    At my yard sale I will try to sell
    An real”elephant tusk shell”

    Also some “eight- tracks”
    And great grandmas gimcracks

    I think I don’t have a chance in hell

  65. Dave Johnson says:

    Big Ed and a buddy named Mel
    Went cruising around for a spell.
    They tried to enlist
    A vice cop for a tryst;
    Instead, they’ll be sharing a cell.

  66. Dave Johnson says:

    We went to a party from hell;
    ‘Cause everyone there had a cell.
    Though the music was loud,
    This zombie-faced crowd
    Behaved as if under a spell.

    Their screens were all shining and bright;
    A cauldron of flickering light.
    We wanted to dance;
    There wasn’t a chance
    When the DJ fled into the night.

  67. Phil Graham says:

    Shiny vending machines used to sell
    Lucky Strike, Chesterfield, and Pall Mall
    And they were ubiquitous
    With products iniquitous
    Now when might we hear their death knell?

    (And why wasn’t that brand pronounced Paul Maul?)

  68. Diane Groothuis says:

    A prisoner confined to his cell
    Had made up a quite sticky gel
    For greasing the lock
    Of the door (not his C***k)
    To abscond from that place nearest Hell.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    By the seashore, seashells she’ll sell
    I think today it’s a “showy” shell

    Most of the shells she sells
    Are surely “showy” shells

    I’ll buy my brand new shell today
    When she gets off her God Damn cell

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the distance I heard a knell
    It must be where the nuns have their cell

    Then I saw something maim
    At Notre Dame

    I thought that something rang a bell

  71. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    The Donald believes he can sell
    Himself as the Chief, “Do Pray Tell!”
    But his immigrant smear
    Caused a corp’rate Bronx cheer.
    So to much of his fortune, “Farewell.”

  72. Diane Groothuis says:

    A prisoner confined to his cell
    Had made up a quite sticky gel
    To loosen the door
    But it dripped on the floor
    And so he slipped over and fell.

  73. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman was trying to sell
    Her apples down by yonder well
    When a lad shot an arrow
    Into her barrow
    And she said “You are not William Tell”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:


    By the seashore, seashells she’ll sell
    Today she’ll sell “showy” shells

    The shells she sells
    Are surely swell

    I buy one when she gets off her cell

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Second Revision

    By the seashore, seashells she’ll sell
    Today it’s surely real swell

    The shells she sells
    Look like egg shells

    I buy one when she gets off her cell

  76. Dave Johnson says:

    Quite often, it’s too hard to tell;
    What the hell are they trying to sell?
    One big, glossy ad
    Has a tuxedo’d cad
    Lying flat in a vat full of gel.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re a senior and have lost your cell
    Here’s a trick that works very well

    Have a friend call you
    So you can answer to

    The phone in your hand….(we won’t tell)

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re a senior and have a cell
    Try very hard not to yell

    If you’ve won a cruise
    Then you may choose

    To tell the caller to go to hell

  79. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    The Donald believes he can sell
    Himself as the Chief, “Do Pray Tell!”
    But him immigrant smear
    Caused a corporate Bronx cheer.
    So to much of his fortune, “Farewell”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the “assisted living” we all have a cell
    Although no one really can work it well

    Sadie, who’s 81
    Asked if I would call her son

    I said, “Who do you think I am: Alfred Nobel?”

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    The lady really knows how to sell
    Herself in the job we all know well

    “My name is June, and
    You’ll go to the moon”

    Boy, this gal knows how to propel

  82. Lisi Nortman says:


    At the assisted living we all have a cell
    Although no one can really work it well

    Sadie who’s 91
    Asked for help calling her son

    Bee said, “Who do you think I am: Albert Einstein Nobel?”

  83. Allen Wilcox says:

    The king said to himself, “What the shell?’
    His favorite egg, he heard, fell.
    He found it lying shattered,
    But what truly mattered –
    No pieces were large ‘nough to sell

  84. Kristin Smith says:

    from Phyllis Sterling Smith

    For my sins I was sentenced to Hell,
    A very hot place, let me tell,
    But lovely with fire,
    The sort to inspire,
    And I caught some good shots on my cell.

  85. Allen Wilcox says:

    Brian Allgar has come forth to tell
    Us all of the best way to sell
    Our limerick rhymes.
    It’s a sign of the times
    That some of us still can’t get the meter right – Hell!

  86. Allen Wilcox says:

    A nude fellow sat down on his cell,
    Sucked it up and he started to yell.
    But then came a ring
    From the embedded thing
    And a voice that demanded – “Expel!”

  87. Allen Wilcox says:

    As he passed through the hot gates of Hell,
    The sounds within started to swell.
    The pain in his ears
    Nearly drove him to tears
    From the ringing that came from each cell.

  88. Mark Kane says:

    Oh the’re so very sure what will sell:
    Any sexy slim thing who can yell.
    But then, Ahhh … SURPRISE!
    As her sales reached the skies,
    That hardly svelte singer, Adele.

  89. Dave Johnson says:

    We remember Howard Cosell
    For his bombast and yellow lapel.
    With Gifford and Don,
    His mike is still on
    For upbraiding the poor NFL.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    We seniors have been given a cell
    But we don’t grasp it too well

    Bessie, age 91
    Asked for help in calling her son

    Bea said, “I’m not Alfred Einstein Nobel!”

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    They threw me into a cell
    I was surely feeling like hell

    But then I was able
    To see “The Sopranos” on cable

    So I dreamed I was in a hotel

  92. Fred Bortz says:

    By the seashore, her shells surely sell,
    And her business is doing so well
    That her Yiddische Mama
    Declares with much drama
    “Oy, Shirley, you’re making me kvell!”

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Victor Hugo knew how to tell
    A story that cast a spell

    The man was tragically maim
    In Paris at Notre Dame

    But unparalleled in ringing a bell

  94. Jon Gearhart says:

    I just can’t use my phone very well
    Cuz the damn thing is smaller than hell.
    It might look kinda quaint,
    But these fat fingers ain’t
    Made for cell phones the size of one cell!

  95. Jon Gearhart says:

    Looking back, I’m embarrassed to tell
    That I once I had a farm in the Dell.
    With too much time to kill,
    I succumbed to Farmville;
    I belong in my own padded cell.

  96. Jon Gearhart says:

    At my barber shop, Nair’s what I sell
    To my head shaving male clientele.
    They, at first, called me crazy,
    Plain rotten and lazy,
    But they’ve taken to this Nair-doo well.

  97. Jon Gearhart says:

    “The whole gold digging life’s a hard sell,
    But for me it works out pretty well.
    Some don’t like ‘old guy love,’
    But when push comes to shove
    And I bid them farewell, I fair well!”

  98. Jon Gearhart says:

    If awards for my writing they’d sell,
    I’d have many awards now to tell
    All about to you souls;
    Tales for whom Nobel doles,
    As I’d certainly toll for Nobel.

  99. Jon Gearhart says:

    Our bordellos to Mexicans sell
    Discount packages. Our clientele
    Of Hispanic background
    Get the best deals around,
    Cuz we know how to treat a Manuel.

  100. Jon Gearhart says:

    The man had a story to sell.
    Folks wondered why he had to yell.
    “When you’ve got genitalia
    The size of a whale, ya
    Prefer the whole world hears ya tell!”

  101. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A devil’s an angel that fell
    And currently living in hell
    His only one fetish
    To grant you a big wish
    If you’ve got a soul you can sell.

  102. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A prisoner sat in his cell
    Called the guard just by ringing a bell
    So when the doors parted
    The prisoner farted
    And asked, “What’s that horrible smell?”

  103. Phil Graham says:

    At poker, you’d better play well
    Or it might mean your house you must sell
    For the pot can’t be bought
    Betting more than you’ve got
    When the whole table’s on to your tell.

  104. A person who carries his cell
    in cinemas better to well
    to set to vibrate
    or their handheld estate
    will be condemned to sticky seat hell.

  105. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Somebody rang the doorbell
    When answered, there stood a bombshell
    A sweet blond airhead
    Big boobs, and she said.
    “Um, I have a vacuum to sell.”

  106. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 222.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off: Rate or Irate.