Limerick of the Week (221)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Fred Bortz:

The authorities turned up the heat
On the ladies who walk on the street:
“You must lower your rates
For your bus’nessman dates.
How else can our city compete?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sue Dulley, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Brian Allgar:

They were frolicking in the back seat
Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat,
When a sudden bright light
Gave the couple a fright.
“My turn next,” said the cop on the beat.”

Sue Dulley:

I’m a glutton for glutinous wheat;
As a treat, toast and jam’s hard to beat,
And I flee when I see
Food that’s tagged “gluten-free.”
(There, I said it. Please don’t give me heat!)

Dave Johnson:

They went to a swingers’ retreat
And saw lots of couples in heat.
There was a big dance
Where no one wore pants;
The members all swung to the beat.

Diane Groothuis:

When sales-people turn up the heat,
I do what I can to retreat.
They’re trying their luck
To make a quick buck.
As for me, I just vote with my feet.

Phil Graham:

A woman turned white as a sheet
When her cop friend was not too discreet.
She said, “Show me your Glock.”
What he heard, though, was “cock.”
So he proved he was packing some heat.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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3 Responses to “Limerick of the Week (221)”

  1. Fred Bortz says:

    Wow. I never expected that!

    BTW, in Pittsburgh, the “i” that you replaced with an apostrophe is silent.

    Is it different in Queens?

  2. madkane says:

    I’ve heard it pronounced both ways, though I pronounce it the way you do.

    Since this blog’s audience is from a wide variety of locations, I didn’t want to take any chances. :)

  3. Abbe Nelson says:

    Today I turned 50 and I wrote this to memorialize it.

    Today I am losing my youth
    It’s official, I’m long in the tooth
    I am older than dirt
    With my Old Fart-T-shirt
    No lie I am telling the truth

    I now am a very old schlup
    In dog years that’s 350! Old pup!
    I can still kick some ass
    Drive a stick and pump my own gas
    Ooops I’ve fallen and I cannot get up

    I was born back in One Nine Six Five
    50 years I’ve been stayin alive
    It’s been quite a ride
    And I take it in stride
    And so far I managed to survive

    Lots of fun things to look forward to soon
    Colonscopies, napping at noon
    My Status will state
    All my ills and my aches
    I will make you all gag with a spoon

    Happy Birthday to me old girl Ab
    Take me out, you can pick up the tab
    I’ll tell you a joke
    Hangin with the Old Folk
    We’ll have fun and it will be fab

    Fifty is my brand new age
    My life is turning a new page
    Lets’ drink to last call
    I’ll try not to fall
    Break my hip, or my neck or rib cage

    With AARP card in hand
    senior discounts and early birds man
    I hope I enjoy
    My new scoot-around toy
    and My breakfast with fiber and bran

    Some things in life could be worse
    A horizontal ride in a hearse
    Exlax and Ben Gay
    Will be coming my way
    Do you think that I should have a Nurse?

    Seven Fourteen is the big day
    I wish I could turn it away
    How bad can it be?
    Life has no guarantee
    50 is the new..”what did I say”?

    So all the old farts can relate
    Life is short and that heaven can wait
    So hug, love and laugh
    Eat dessert, all, not just a half
    Make your mark all before it’s too late.