Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROOTS at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROOTS at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A woman obsessed by her roots
Found some ancestors deep in cahoots
With pirates and killers.
No heroes! No pillars!
Now she knows why she likes to wed brutes.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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77 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROOTS at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    I never have worn cowboy boots.
    But I have worn some nice three-piece suits.
    I’m no fashion plate
    but if out on a date
    my attire is proper for coots.

  2. Jesse Levy says:

    Mad Kane has suggested it’s Roots.
    Which I read, quite blindly, as Boots.
    So I’ll trade my new pair
    for my awfully thin hair.
    Which won’t garnish me any “Woots!”

  3. A woman obsessed on her roots
    Found some strands gray as Puss in his boots
    with tweezing and snipping
    hair set about ripping
    Obsessing now o’er docs in white suits

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The society dentist commutes
    Each weekend from his penthouse, and scoots
    To a shack in the sticks,
    For his parents are hicks,
    But he hasn’t forgotten his roots.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The bindweed has thousands of shoots,
    So I pull on my gardening boots
    And I chop and I hack,
    But it always grows back –
    It’s those damned indestructible roots!

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Eats, roots, shoots, and leaves

    An Aussie’s the rudest of brutes;
    As soon as he’s eaten, he roots,
    Then he shoots, then he leaves,
    Though my teacher believes
    That a comma too many pollutes.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    (Can you believe that the wretched ‘Rhymezone’ doen’t even give ‘imputes’?)

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The sought-after hooker imputes
    Her success to her muscular glutes;
    When she wiggles her bum,
    All her customers come
    Before they’ve explored other routes.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    (Ooops! Mad, I’ve just seen a typo – the first line of my second limerick should be “The bindweed has thousands of shoots”.

    (Fixed — MK)

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The sky-diving trainee recruits,
    Having taken the quickest of routes
    To the ground, were squashed flat
    With a terrible ‘splat!’ –
    They’d forgotten to open their ’chutes.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    She insisted on healthy pursuits,
    Eating only organic whole fruits,
    But she didn’t do well
    With the coconut shell,
    And her teeth are ground down to the roots.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    When I’m driving, my wife wears the boots,
    And it’s led to uncounted disputes.
    “You should have turned right!
    We’ll be driving all night!”
    So I now stick to GPS routes.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    They are pissed as a couple of newts,
    And they go on the rampage. One loots,
    While the other just trashes
    The shops that he smashes –
    The streets now resemble Beirut’s.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    My wife took me shopping for suits,
    But she ended up trying on boots.
    What I told her still rankles –
    “Dear, not with your ankles!”
    She pulled out my hair by the roots.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    The sailors were all in cahoots;
    When on leave from their sea-going routes,
    They would meet her to bang
    As a nautical gang,
    And they’d give her their ten-gun salutes.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    The tree had voluptuous roots,
    Of that there had been no disputes.
    They spread to the next yard
    Leaving landscaping scarred.
    Thus started the multi lawsuits.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    The US has deep freedom roots,
    Enhanced after many disputes.
    But profits decreed
    By corporate greed
    Destroyed rights by men wearing suits.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    I love wearing hot cowboy boots,
    Though a city girl; no country roots.
    I look good, guys agree
    Making sexual plea
    With cat-calls; come hither salutes.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Everyone has undisclosed roots
    One can say they’re absolutes

    In my family alone
    We worked our muscles to the bone

    So proud to be a part of “Skillful Prostitutes”

  20. scott says:

    she never has colored her roots
    or toned-up her once perky fruits
    she’s more than okay
    with her hair turning gray
    and tucking her tits in her boots

  21. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    We kids would let out high-pitched hoots
    When our grandma emitted her root(s)
    Tooty toots. They were loud
    But our Gram, she was proud:
    “I pass gas at my age when it suits!”

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    On one of those big photo shoots,
    She was pulling her hair by the roots.

    Her photographer wrangled
    For one single angle;

    He focused on only her glutes.

  23. Sally Franz says:

    Fallon’s band is named The Roots
    with picking and plunking and toots
    They play all sorts
    of musical fortes
    But I wish the had oboes and flutes.

  24. Fred Bortz says:

    Lumberjacks, some will say, are mere brutes,
    Built for power from abs, pecs, and glutes,
    But in math they do well.
    Yes they truly excel.
    Cutting logs, they compute all nth roots.

    (For those who have forgotten or never learned logarithms, you can compute a square root by dividing the log of a number by two then finding the antilog of the result. Cube roots involve dividing the log by three. And in general, you can find the nth root by dividing the log by n.)

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    The great panda ingests leaves and shoots.
    I should mention, he also eats roots.
    The commas trump all,
    A meal or a brawl?
    After leaving, were there some disputes?

  26. Ian Graham says:

    My dentist probes all handy roots
    With gusto (as do bandicoots).
    But it isn’t too gruesome.
    My cheek’s on her bosom.
    So in fact I could not give two hoots.

  27. Kaye Roberts says:

    A weight-lifter worked on his glutes
    His sinews were ropy, like roots
    Once skinny and fragile
    He’s not very agile
    But a mugger just looks, and then scoots

  28. Kaye Roberts says:

    A coward, scared to his roots
    Stood quaking for hours in his boots
    It seems that a mouse
    Had invaded the house
    And his wife was out shopping for suits

  29. Kaye Roberts says:

    A Canadian creep on the ‘oots
    With the law had no further doots
    He picked up his gun
    Made ready to run
    And severed the last of his roots

  30. Kaye Roberts says:

    A bartender often dilutes
    His whiskey for unwary brutes
    They caught on one day
    Threw him in the bay
    And left him bobbing for roots

  31. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    I think I’ve had too many roots
    Beers tonight: I see more than one flutes
    On the bar, it’s a double ~
    I may be in trouble;
    Yep, now looking up at my boots!

  32. Dave Johnson says:

    A horny young cowboy named Hoots
    Had a notion that he’d park his boots

    Under Annabelle’s bed;
    But her daddy instead

    Made sure he laid down by the roots.

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    At a hockey game, everyone roots
    For the moment when bad-tempered brutes

    Decide to engage
    In a two-minute rage

    With a backdrop of hollers and hoots.

  34. Kristin Smith says:

    Written by Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    There once was a woman named Toots
    Who cherished her garden’s fine fruits.
    She hated the weeds
    Their sneaky small seeds
    And she pulled them all up by the roots.

  35. Kristin Smith says:

    Cancel that last request. Phyllis thought of a better fix. Seems I posted this before it was quite settled.

    last line of the Kitten named Boots:

    “Was catnip: leaves, stems, even roots.”

    There once was a kitten named Boots
    Who favored fine fare (mice and newts).
    But his favorite flavor,
    The one he’d most savor,
    Was catnip: leaves, stems, even roots.

  36. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Her large family sits front row and roots
    For the dancer they once all called Cutes.
    She spins out, pirouettes –
    Is as good as it gets :)
    Ballet Cutes-style: she’s wearing pink boots.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    When it comes time to “do” my roots
    I put on a pair of army boots

    Then I don a shirt
    Which has seen its share of dirt

    And I proceed to squirt the walls with a bottle of “Blonde Pursuits”

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    The G.O.P. cheers and salutes
    Elites in their Brooks Brothers suits

    Who’ve fashioned our path
    With “stupid rich” math

    Befitting their one-percent roots.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Her family had very strange roots
    At the very least, perplexing pursuits

    They woke up at night
    Went to bed when the sun was bright

    At game time they played “Ladders and Chutes”

  40. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    The Need to Weed

    The weed gave, all three feet of roots:
    My hubby gave two gleeful hoots!
    Loves the slow sucking sound
    As it exits the ground,
    Then he stomps on it in his (non) boots.

  41. Kristin Smith says:

    By Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    Two robbers who worked in cahoots
    Always put together their loots.
    But when she decided
    T’was not well divided
    She pulled out his hair by the roots.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    When it comes to discussing our roots
    My family has heated disputes

    Most say we come from royalty
    And express their utmost loyalty

    Since grandpa was the “King of Old Coots”

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a woman who’s hot for old coots
    Of the Court; wants to fondle their roots.
    To get into the briefs
    Of Supreme Justice chiefs,
    All the judges must first drop their suits.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    My 5th graders have divergent roots
    With good and bad attributes

    Joe said “Jimmy farted”
    Then most of the class departed

    I replied, “Please say, “JIMMY TOOTS”

  45. Heather Hjorth says:

    She decided to dye her own roots
    With a colour & time that it suits
    But out fell her hair
    Much to her despair
    Now she’s bald when she’s wearing her boots

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    I accessed “ancestry” to find my roots
    I have unusual habits and strange pursuits

    I love to haul freight,
    go out to sled and skate

    It seems my forefathers were Alaskan Malamutes

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    change of word for better meter

    When it comes time to “do” my roots
    I put on a pair of army boots

    Then I don a shirt
    which has seen its share of dirt

    And proceed to squirt the walls with “Blonde Beauts”

  48. Dave Johnson says:

    The primary season imputes
    That party embraces its roots.

    The clarion sounds,
    Now send in the clowns;

    Who will be the Sarahs and Newts?

  49. Mark Kane says:

    Bottle-blondes strutting out with their roots
    On display for some sexy pursuits,
    Find a welcome reaction,
    From recruits seeking action.
    This is clear from their steely salutes.

  50. Tim James says:

    Social climbing, she found, drew her hoots
    ‘Cause her forebears were camp prostitutes.
    With those D.A.R. swells
    Looking down on such “belles”
    She’s now trying to touch up her roots.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    Grandpa has military roots
    And has been honored for his attributes

    He’s a fine looking man
    Who thinks he’s still in Japan

    So when he sees anyone, he still salutes

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    not a duplicate

    Grandpa has military roots
    And has been honored for his attributes

    He’s a fine looking man
    Who thinks he’s still in Japan

    So when he sees anyone, HE SALUTES

  53. yt cai says:

    The florist and barber in cahoots
    Were planning to pull out by the roots
    Dead flowers and hair
    But this Montana pair
    Turned out to be no more than Buttes

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    All my dates have uncivilized roots
    Not one of them has respectable pursuits

    Call them klutzes
    Or even Putzes

    They’re all a bunch of galoots

  55. Janice Canerdy says:

    There are white-collar crooks wearing suits,
    street walkers, and rowdy old coots,
    bank robbers, dope dealers,
    bootleggers, fake healers–
    all found while pursuing my roots!

  56. Kaye Roberts says:

    A blonde, touching up her dark roots
    Forgot how peroxide dilutes
    She lost all her hair
    Which doesn’t seem fair
    Now it’s trendy with those in cahoots

  57. Kaye Roberts says:

    An Irishman tracing his roots
    Followed their trail to Beirute’s
    Where he found that his genes
    Led to pirates, not Queens
    So he went back to saner pursuits

  58. Kaye Roberts says:

    (Not in contest, but I didn’t know where else to put it)

    These lim’ricks are fun, but egad!
    They began as a whimsical fad
    Now I wake in the night
    With these rhymes in a fight
    To see which one will first drive me mad

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    I never defend my family’s roots
    Even with gossip of their dubious pursuits

    I say, “Mama made spaghetti
    Dinner was always ready

    And Daddy always wore Armani suits”

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    needs one more word to be a limerick:

    All my dates have uncivilized roots
    Not one of them has respectable pursuits

    Call them klutzes
    Or even putzes

    They’re all a bunch of blatant galoots

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    As I was pulling out some nasty roots
    I noticed a stench near the veggies and fruits

    I discovered an owl
    Whose odor was foul

    He said, “Sorry, Mam, but I’ve got a case of the toots”

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I recall my family roots
    My parents set down absolutes:

    “Study for every test”
    “Always try your best”

    “Don’t mention family in mental institutes”

  63. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    She orders two beers (simple roots)
    And on her footrests, sets her boots.
    Then when a male “spider”
    Breathes deeply behind her,
    Whoops! Stool on his foot: back she scoots :)

  64. Kristin Smith says:

    From Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    A Scotsman named Ian McKloots
    Played bagpipes that skirled squawky toots.
    One day at last
    Kilts at half-mast
    He disclosed all his Manly McRoots.

  65. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Spurred on by loud whistles and hoots,
    Eyes popping, the rowdy mob roots
    For the glitzy stripteaser
    Who’s quite a crowd pleaser:
    Red sequins adorn crotch and boots.

  66. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Catting Around

    Said he, languidly, When it suits,
    I’m inclined to explore my deep roots
    As a feline royale
    And a male femme fatale:
    My name? Of course, Sir Puss in Boots.

  67. Allen Wilcox says:

    It’s one of the well-traveled routes
    To celebrity hollers and hoots.
    There was Mae West and bustles,
    Now Kim/Nikki hustles
    With the sight of spectacular glutes.

  68. Allen Wilcox says:

    If you should go searching for roots,
    And you dig, and you dig without boots.
    Your feet may get muddy
    With ancestors cruddy.
    It’s best not to dig up the brutes.

  69. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    I question a voter who roots
    For the tally of feculent fruits
    On the elephant ticket.
    What a baffling thicket
    Of blustering arrogant suits.

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    Local flavor:

    They were down by the river Deschutes
    Off a trail, near the Juniper roots.

    In the heat of their tryst
    He looked up and was pissed

    When a dog ran away with with her boots.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t explain different routes
    To hubby, or they’ll be disputes

    Let him get lost
    At any cost

    At the road block, you’ll have a few hoots

  72. Kristin Smith says:

    One more from Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    The gypsy thought back to her roots,
    The drumming, the thrumming of lutes.
    She thought of the dancing,
    Of joyously prancing,
    The tramping and stamping of boots.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    My plants have colossal roots
    They’re always growing new shoots

    Aunt Jane ate a berry
    Now she’s abnormally merry

    She couldn’t discern the peels from the fruits

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    not a duplicate

    No need to defend you family’s roots
    Even if there’s gossip of “dubious pursuits”

    Just say, “Mama made spaghetti
    Dinner was always ready

    And Daddy wore Armani suits”

  75. Mark Kane says:

    Hate Traffic? Search alternate routes,
    And eliminate road rage disputes.
    But what if they’re worse?
    Then holler or curse
    Out Google for painful commutes.

  76. Allen Wilcox says:

    The hippie went back to his roots,
    And opened a store for the cutes.
    With no clothing propriety,
    And amazing variety,
    He called the place “Whatever Suits”.

  77. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 215.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Bone or Trombone.