Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAM at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using BEAM at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
The gymnast got high scores on beam,
But was hurled off the vault with a scream.
Seems some slippery foe
Had greased it — a blow
That pummeled the ranks of her team.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Gymnast Humor, Gymnastics, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Sports Humor, Sports Limerick, Writing Prompts
When I compliment folks, it does seem
They’ll be more self-assured and they’ll beam.
It will boost the morale
Of a guy or a gal,
So give praise and just let off esteem.
The poor attacked car let off steam
The guy—DUI—on Jim Beam
Ran the light and did ream her
Destroying her Beamer
And killing the car of her dreams
He had over-indulged in Jim Beam
And he drunkenly fell in the stream.
A fisherman hooked him,
Then gutted and cooked him,
Mistaking the chap for a bream.
The builders were lacking a beam
For the roof, and came up with a scheme.
They pilfered a stack
From the railway track,
And the trains have all run out of steam.
Though her face was as sweet as a dream,
She was rather too fond of ice-cream.
Once abstemious and slender,
She went on a bender
And ended up broad in the beam.
The slave-master started to beam
When he boarded his new quinquereme.
There were five banks of oars
Manned by captives from wars –
When he whipped them, oh, how they would scream!
There once was a cat who liked cream
when she ate it she started to beam
as she picked up the spoon
then she looked at the moon
and settled back into her dream
It’s become a Republican theme
That the President’s way too extreme
And whatever he does,
They keep up the same buzz.
I give up. Share my flask of Jim Beam?
He had sought the American Dream,
But it turned to a nightmare extreme,
So he chose the hereafter,
Climbed up on a rafter,
And hanged himself high from a beam.
He was caught in the Vice Patrol’s beam.
Said the redneck “Things ain’t what they seem;
I needed more paper
’Cause writing’s my caper,
And told the girl ‘I wanna ream.’ “
I’ve learned things are NOT as they seem.
Take that Countess, the ‘Cream of the Cream.’
She’s sipping her snifter,
Along with a drifter.
Some Cognac? Oh no that’s ‘Jim Beam.’
His lovemaking made her heart beam
Her skin and eyes sparkle and gleam
She felt the sensation
While under sedation
Was it real or just a great dream?
He spied her through sparkling moon beam
Drenched in honey and topped with whipped cream
But so inspired
He saw he desired
Dessert, not an erotic dream.
Oh how I did beam
When I thought of my fantasy dream
We’d romp and prance
And even dance
And then I’d run out of steam.
The pizza I love makes me beam,
But bloats my poor guts, UGH, I scream!
Gummy Vites, I avow,
Work such wonder, that now,
I know what is meant by ‘pipedream’
While sipping another Jim Beam,
The chick that he snagged was a dream.
A long-legged hottie
Who called herself Dotty
Though her hair had the air of Brylcreem
The face in the mirror would beam
As the voice was a velvety cream.
But Amateur Night
Turned into a fright
When he screeched “The Impossible Dream”
He was working up there on a beam
And all was just fine – so it seemed.
But the crew was aghast
When they saw him blow past
As he picked up a full head of steam.
Madeleine, to my shame and horror, I’ve just spotted that I wrote “their” instead of “there” in my limerick about the slave-master. Please obliterate all traces of this terrible crime before they send the Literacy Police after me.
(Note from Mad Kane: Fixed. :) )
“You’re certainly every man’s dream”
Said he, with lascivious gleam
But the gal was a sailor
And did his face get paler
When she said “you’re abaft of your beam!”
He devised a nefarious scheme
To fulfill his exotic hot dream.
Though to outward appearance
His plot lacked coherence,
It in fact used a “blue” laser beam.
(For non-physics people, laser light is “coherent,” meaning that its wave crests are all aligned rather than being at random phases with respect to each other.)
FACE-PALM SUNDAY
A preacher whose views were extreme
Had a vision of Christ in a dream.
Said Christ, “Why belabor
The Mote of thy neighbor
When in thine own eye is a Beam?”
The preacher extracted the Beam
(Revealing behind it a gleam) —
And with it he smote
The poor guy with the Mote,
Crying, “THUS PERISH ALL WHO BLASPHEME!”
The Sun was eclipsed – not a beam! –
And the Moon, for a while, reigned supreme.
But her plan to usurp
Was as brief as a burp,
Just a transient lunatic scheme.
A gentleman drinking Jim Beam
Commented on what he had seen
It seemed black and blue
Or white gold its true
So he turned it into a mem.
The G.O.P. congress may seem
To some, just another bad dream.
But most of us think
They’ve had way too much drink
Or were transported here on a beam.
Will, I’d been tinkering with “mote” and “beam”, but I think yours has cornered the market!
Harry Nilsson’s song’s called THE MOON BEAM
Mancini’s? MOON RIVER–not stream
There’s FLY ME TO THE MOON
Debussy’s CLAIR DE LUNE
And BLUE MOON performed by The Supreme(s)
For many songs, ‘moon’ is a theme
But it’s not all that’s got a bright beam
When it comes to YOUR LOVE
As in THE SUNSHINE OF
That star was made famous by Cream
Alas, it may all be a scheme
To get money from people who dream
Of driving Mars cars
As Internet stars.
They’re more likely to ride Scotty’s beam.
Mars Cars
Its not always what it may seem
In spite of what others may deem
To see with my eyes
And calculate size
Ahem well I”ll call it a beam.
Revisiting a favorite word.
At Webster’s, the lexicon team
Snorted, with eyes all agleam,
‘Til the editor cut,
With no if, and, or butt,
“Callipygian: Broad at the beam.”
His mommy and daddy would beam;
For their little boy sang like a dream.
No longer a kid,
His gift helped when he did
Testify in that laundering scheme.
Baring teeth can be made to seem
Like a broad smile to those on your team
Condescending? Pedantic?
Micro-managing? Frantic?
Just knock them all out, with a beam.
The sailors, all drunk on Jim Beam,
Lie strewn below-deck. It would seem
That a nuclear sub
Is no place for a pub,
Unless Sub Bourbon Sprawl is your scheme…
Will T. Laughlin’s ingenious scheme
Is one that can’t fail to queme,
And I hope what I wrote
When applauding his mote
Is now causing the fellow to beam.
(To save everyone the trouble of looking it up, “queme” is an obsolete word meaning “to please” or “to satisfy”.)
Jack and Jill went up the stream
To perform their awaited erotic dream
Jack fell down
Jill broke her crown
They shouldn’t have toasted with ‘ole Jim Beam.
Way up goes another steel beam;
To be placed like a stitch in a seam.
We’re here in Dubai
Where they reach for the sky
With the cash from unleaded Supreme.
Mr. Allgar, that word that you deem
“Obsolete” I find right on the beam.
For as Elmer Fudd found
As he chased Bugs around,
Life can’t always be peaches and queme.
Beatrice made the cheerleading team
She’d jump, shake pom-poms, and scream
But her claim to fame
Was a drinking game
When her pyramid reached to the gym beam
The farmer awoke from a bad dream
Overall backs were dripping with cream
He remembers a strobe
Some sort of long probe
It’s no bull that he blames a tractor beam
There was sunshine, just one narrow beam
Through the clouds, not enough to redeem
Over three days of rain
And it’s raining again!
Weather Channel: please play a new theme.
Some workers, a highly-skilled team
Eat their lunch on a girder or beam
Building skyscrapers high
In the NYC sky –
“Get a harness!” I’m tempted to scream.
not a duplicate
Jack and Jill went up the stream
to fulfill their erotic dream
Jack fell down
Jill lost her crown
They shouldn’t have binged on ‘ole Jim Beam
Twelve builders, a highly-skilled team
Enjoying their lunch on a beam
Up somewhere near heaven –
Wait, now there’s eleven,
Which may just explain that loud scream.
There are sights that elicit a scream
Like a tightrope across a wide stream,
Nearby thunder and lightning
But nothing’s as fright’ning
As a ten-year-old on the gym beam.
(Credits to yt cai for the pun)
Accusers who are, it would seem
Hypocritical in the extreme
When projecting their crimes
On their rivals, oft-times
Deserve the response “Mote And Beam”.
Well done Will & Brian in getting to “Mote and Beam” first. My effort was inspired by the old Beyond The Fringe comedy sketch “Black Equals White” which coincidentally I’d just been given on a CD.
Our chorus is everyone’s dream;
A club that can make us all beam.
For beer garden throngs
We choose yodeling songs
That sound like a coyote’s scream.
An acrobat leading the team
Was busy fulfilling the dream.
When she started to strut
She fell on her butt
For that once she was just “off the beam”.
The gymnast dismounted the beam
And could hear the audience scream.
He thought it was for
A fabulous score;
But his suit came apart at the seam.
A thank-you note to Fred for a great word:
Calipygian – a word we can trace
To a lovely and beautiful place.
Meghan Trainor did say
In a musical way:
That it is “All About That Bass”
Life isn’t always a dream
When you follow an NFL team.
Mine had it all won
IF THEY JUST WOULD HAVE RUN!!!
I’ll.. have.. another Jim Beam…
In ’52 I had a dream
My smile sparkled: a DAZZLING light beam
Daddy woke me up
I won the loving cup
I brushed my teeth with Gleem!
not a duplicate
In ’52 I had a dream
That my smile sparkled like a dazzling beam
Daddy woke me up
And I won the loving cup
Because I brushed my teeth with Gleem!
@Brian —
Two writers exploring a theme
Can come up with the very same scheme
(Said Laughlin, concealing
His Acme “Brain-Stealing
And Mind-Reading Energy Beam”).
To read *your* thoughts, Brian, would seem
No nightmare to me, but a dream;
For your limericks feel
Like they’re built out of steel
(Or at least when I read ’em, I-Beam)!
Mad: I am trying to get the syllables just right, so here is another try
In ’52 I had a dream
That my smile sparkled: a dazzling beam!
Daddy woke my up
I won the loving cup!
Just because I brushed my teeth with something new called Gleem.
not a duplicate
In ’52 I had a dream
That my smile sparkled: a dazzling beam!
Daddy woke ME up
I won the loving cup
Just because I brushed my teeth with something new called Gleem!
I awoke when a single bright beam
Pierced the drapes; then I stifled a scream.
Did I really give head
To this slob in my bed?
How I wished for some vanishing cream.
For Kirk, it was like a bad dream.
The monster almost made him scream.
As he felt himself held.
In a panic, he yelled,
“Scotty, where in the hell is the beam?”
But Spock saud, “Hold up on the beam.
The monster ust lacks self-esteem.
With ust on mind-meld,
You’ll no longer be held.”
For Kirk, it was now a worse dream.
He stood up there hgh on the beam,
And suspected it wasn’t a dream..
The cops kept on talking
Him down, but sleep-walking
Left him frozen except for a scream.
We from Brooklyn just beam
For the drink that reigns supreme
It’s made with seltzer
You’ll probably, belch, Sir
It’s called a vanilla egg cream.
Ha, Ha, Ha. Very good! I love limericks.
Ah.. I love limericks.. but they are so hard to do.. I cannot do one that is funny today :-)
smacked in the back of the head with a beam,
could hardly breathe, couldn’t scream.
someone considers me a foe,
& furiously delivered that blow;
hope he’s not on my team.
Oh my… your limerick was a greased up piece of funny…
too bad my words are lacking and I’m all out of money
Does this count as one? I think not
I’ll go sit in the corner and rot…
I tried.. :) hahah
It was so dark I thought I’d scream
Until, through the crack, a beam
The sun saved my sanity
And some of my vanity
Embarrassment isn’t my scene
much fun with this!
I was standing under a beam
When I noticed some blood: a stream
It came from my head
I’m glad I’m not dead
The beam had a hole in the seam
I’m loyal to my favorite team
The Cubs just make me beam
They’ll win the World Series
With the strength of the Furies
Okay, so it’s just a dream
We seniors smile and beam
Our fun is downright extreme!
We have dinner at five
Then we all do the jive
And by six, we’ve run out of steam!
The challenge is: use the word “beam”
As the crux of a short, rhyming theme.
Meaning structure or shaft
Or width of a craft?
It’s whatever fits into the scheme.
To radiate light is to beam
“Radiant Dark” is a fancy skin cream.
I choose the former
It’s easier to charm her
With a wink and a luminous dream.
THE PLATYPUS
– or –
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
On the seventh day (trashed on Jim Beam),
God grew bored — and came up with a scheme:
He laughed as He stuck
Some spare parts from a duck
On a beaver. Voilà! Monotreme.
She’s going quite broad in the beam,
And her dresses are tight at the seam;
Since she’s Beam-ish and Stout,
There can be little doubt
She’s a Cork-dwelling Irishman’s dream.
Beamish and Crawford
not a duplicate
I’m loyal to my favorite team
The Cubs just make me beam
They’ll win every game
Achieve international fame
Okay, it’s only a dream.
We heard a piercing scream
Like a nightmare- a scary dream!
We searched high and low
Then Fred said, “Oh no!”
Look: there’s a broad in the beam!
His furniture job made him beam,
Now gone with a change of regime
He couldn’t chair less,
And nothing mattress,
For a tailor he’d be, it did seam
The lady would giggle and beam
When offered a certain ice cream.
With banana and nuts;
No ifs, ands or buts,
She’d eat ’till she split at the seam.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 207.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because the new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rhyme Word DECK.