Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAM at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using BEAM at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The gymnast got high scores on beam,
But was hurled off the vault with a scream.
Seems some slippery foe
Had greased it — a blow
That pummeled the ranks of her team.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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78 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAM at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Kirk Miller says:

    When I compliment folks, it does seem
    They’ll be more self-assured and they’ll beam.
    It will boost the morale
    Of a guy or a gal,
    So give praise and just let off esteem.

  2. daisy mae says:

    The poor attacked car let off steam
    The guy—DUI—on Jim Beam
    Ran the light and did ream her
    Destroying her Beamer
    And killing the car of her dreams

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    He had over-indulged in Jim Beam
    And he drunkenly fell in the stream.
    A fisherman hooked him,
    Then gutted and cooked him,
    Mistaking the chap for a bream.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The builders were lacking a beam
    For the roof, and came up with a scheme.
    They pilfered a stack
    From the railway track,
    And the trains have all run out of steam.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    Though her face was as sweet as a dream,
    She was rather too fond of ice-cream.
    Once abstemious and slender,
    She went on a bender
    And ended up broad in the beam.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    The slave-master started to beam
    When he boarded his new quinquereme.
    There were five banks of oars
    Manned by captives from wars –
    When he whipped them, oh, how they would scream!

  7. There once was a cat who liked cream
    when she ate it she started to beam
    as she picked up the spoon
    then she looked at the moon
    and settled back into her dream

  8. Tim James says:

    It’s become a Republican theme
    That the President’s way too extreme
    And whatever he does,
    They keep up the same buzz.
    I give up. Share my flask of Jim Beam?

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    He had sought the American Dream,
    But it turned to a nightmare extreme,
    So he chose the hereafter,
    Climbed up on a rafter,
    And hanged himself high from a beam.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    He was caught in the Vice Patrol’s beam.
    Said the redneck “Things ain’t what they seem;
    I needed more paper
    ’Cause writing’s my caper,
    And told the girl ‘I wanna ream.’ “

  11. Mark Kane says:

    I’ve learned things are NOT as they seem.
    Take that Countess, the ‘Cream of the Cream.’
    She’s sipping her snifter,
    Along with a drifter.
    Some Cognac? Oh no that’s ‘Jim Beam.’

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    His lovemaking made her heart beam
    Her skin and eyes sparkle and gleam
    She felt the sensation
    While under sedation
    Was it real or just a great dream?

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    He spied her through sparkling moon beam
    Drenched in honey and topped with whipped cream
    But so inspired
    He saw he desired
    Dessert, not an erotic dream.

  14. Oh how I did beam
    When I thought of my fantasy dream
    We’d romp and prance
    And even dance
    And then I’d run out of steam.

  15. Byron Ives says:

    The pizza I love makes me beam,
    But bloats my poor guts, UGH, I scream!
    Gummy Vites, I avow,
    Work such wonder, that now,
    I know what is meant by ‘pipedream’

  16. Dave Johnson says:

    While sipping another Jim Beam,
    The chick that he snagged was a dream.

    A long-legged hottie
    Who called herself Dotty

    Though her hair had the air of Brylcreem

  17. Dave Johnson says:

    The face in the mirror would beam
    As the voice was a velvety cream.

    But Amateur Night
    Turned into a fright

    When he screeched “The Impossible Dream”

  18. Dave Johnson says:

    He was working up there on a beam
    And all was just fine – so it seemed.

    But the crew was aghast
    When they saw him blow past

    As he picked up a full head of steam.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    Madeleine, to my shame and horror, I’ve just spotted that I wrote “their” instead of “there” in my limerick about the slave-master. Please obliterate all traces of this terrible crime before they send the Literacy Police after me.

    (Note from Mad Kane: Fixed. :) )

  20. Al Hood says:

    “You’re certainly every man’s dream”
    Said he, with lascivious gleam
    But the gal was a sailor
    And did his face get paler
    When she said “you’re abaft of your beam!”

  21. Fred Bortz says:

    He devised a nefarious scheme
    To fulfill his exotic hot dream.
    Though to outward appearance
    His plot lacked coherence,
    It in fact used a “blue” laser beam.

    (For non-physics people, laser light is “coherent,” meaning that its wave crests are all aligned rather than being at random phases with respect to each other.)


    A preacher whose views were extreme
    Had a vision of Christ in a dream.
    Said Christ, “Why belabor
    The Mote of thy neighbor
    When in thine own eye is a Beam?”

    The preacher extracted the Beam
    (Revealing behind it a gleam) —
    And with it he smote
    The poor guy with the Mote,

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    The Sun was eclipsed – not a beam! –
    And the Moon, for a while, reigned supreme.
    But her plan to usurp
    Was as brief as a burp,
    Just a transient lunatic scheme.

  24. P Diane Schneider says:

    A gentleman drinking Jim Beam
    Commented on what he had seen
    It seemed black and blue
    Or white gold its true
    So he turned it into a mem.

  25. Dave Johnson says:

    The G.O.P. congress may seem
    To some, just another bad dream.

    But most of us think
    They’ve had way too much drink

    Or were transported here on a beam.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    Will, I’d been tinkering with “mote” and “beam”, but I think yours has cornered the market!

  27. daisy mae says:

    Harry Nilsson’s song’s called THE MOON BEAM
    Mancini’s? MOON RIVER–not stream
    There’s FLY ME TO THE MOON
    Debussy’s CLAIR DE LUNE
    And BLUE MOON performed by The Supreme(s)

    For many songs, ‘moon’ is a theme
    But it’s not all that’s got a bright beam
    When it comes to YOUR LOVE
    That star was made famous by Cream

  28. Fred Bortz says:

    Alas, it may all be a scheme
    To get money from people who dream
    Of driving Mars cars
    As Internet stars.
    They’re more likely to ride Scotty’s beam.

    Mars Cars

  29. P Diane Schneider says:

    Its not always what it may seem
    In spite of what others may deem
    To see with my eyes
    And calculate size
    Ahem well I”ll call it a beam.

  30. Fred Bortz says:

    Revisiting a favorite word.

    At Webster’s, the lexicon team
    Snorted, with eyes all agleam,
    ‘Til the editor cut,
    With no if, and, or butt,
    “Callipygian: Broad at the beam.”

  31. Dave Johnson says:

    His mommy and daddy would beam;
    For their little boy sang like a dream.

    No longer a kid,
    His gift helped when he did

    Testify in that laundering scheme.

  32. Jen Harris says:

    Baring teeth can be made to seem
    Like a broad smile to those on your team
    Condescending? Pedantic?
    Micro-managing? Frantic?
    Just knock them all out, with a beam.

  33. The sailors, all drunk on Jim Beam,
    Lie strewn below-deck. It would seem
    That a nuclear sub
    Is no place for a pub,
    Unless Sub Bourbon Sprawl is your scheme…

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    Will T. Laughlin’s ingenious scheme
    Is one that can’t fail to queme,
    And I hope what I wrote
    When applauding his mote
    Is now causing the fellow to beam.

    (To save everyone the trouble of looking it up, “queme” is an obsolete word meaning “to please” or “to satisfy”.)

  35. Jack and Jill went up the stream
    To perform their awaited erotic dream
    Jack fell down
    Jill broke her crown
    They shouldn’t have toasted with ‘ole Jim Beam.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    Way up goes another steel beam;
    To be placed like a stitch in a seam.

    We’re here in Dubai
    Where they reach for the sky

    With the cash from unleaded Supreme.

  37. Tim James says:

    Mr. Allgar, that word that you deem
    “Obsolete” I find right on the beam.
    For as Elmer Fudd found
    As he chased Bugs around,
    Life can’t always be peaches and queme.

  38. yt cai says:

    Beatrice made the cheerleading team
    She’d jump, shake pom-poms, and scream
    But her claim to fame
    Was a drinking game
    When her pyramid reached to the gym beam

  39. yt cai says:

    The farmer awoke from a bad dream
    Overall backs were dripping with cream
    He remembers a strobe
    Some sort of long probe
    It’s no bull that he blames a tractor beam

  40. Sue Dulley says:

    There was sunshine, just one narrow beam
    Through the clouds, not enough to redeem
    Over three days of rain
    And it’s raining again!
    Weather Channel: please play a new theme.

  41. Sue Dulley says:

    Some workers, a highly-skilled team
    Eat their lunch on a girder or beam
    Building skyscrapers high
    In the NYC sky –
    “Get a harness!” I’m tempted to scream.

  42. not a duplicate

    Jack and Jill went up the stream
    to fulfill their erotic dream
    Jack fell down
    Jill lost her crown
    They shouldn’t have binged on ‘ole Jim Beam

  43. Sue Dulley says:

    Twelve builders, a highly-skilled team
    Enjoying their lunch on a beam
    Up somewhere near heaven –
    Wait, now there’s eleven,
    Which may just explain that loud scream.

  44. Sue Dulley says:

    There are sights that elicit a scream
    Like a tightrope across a wide stream,
    Nearby thunder and lightning
    But nothing’s as fright’ning
    As a ten-year-old on the gym beam.

    (Credits to yt cai for the pun)

  45. Sue Dulley says:

    Accusers who are, it would seem
    Hypocritical in the extreme
    When projecting their crimes
    On their rivals, oft-times
    Deserve the response “Mote And Beam”.

  46. Sue Dulley says:

    Well done Will & Brian in getting to “Mote and Beam” first. My effort was inspired by the old Beyond The Fringe comedy sketch “Black Equals White” which coincidentally I’d just been given on a CD.

  47. Dave Johnson says:

    Our chorus is everyone’s dream;
    A club that can make us all beam.

    For beer garden throngs
    We choose yodeling songs

    That sound like a coyote’s scream.

  48. Diane Groothuis says:

    An acrobat leading the team
    Was busy fulfilling the dream.
    When she started to strut
    She fell on her butt
    For that once she was just “off the beam”.

  49. Dave Johnson says:

    The gymnast dismounted the beam
    And could hear the audience scream.

    He thought it was for
    A fabulous score;

    But his suit came apart at the seam.

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    A thank-you note to Fred for a great word:

    Calipygian – a word we can trace
    To a lovely and beautiful place.

    Meghan Trainor did say
    In a musical way:

    That it is “All About That Bass”

  51. Dave Johnson says:

    Life isn’t always a dream
    When you follow an NFL team.

    Mine had it all won

    I’ll.. have.. another Jim Beam…

  52. In ’52 I had a dream
    My smile sparkled: a DAZZLING light beam
    Daddy woke me up
    I won the loving cup
    I brushed my teeth with Gleem!

  53. not a duplicate

    In ’52 I had a dream
    That my smile sparkled like a dazzling beam
    Daddy woke me up
    And I won the loving cup
    Because I brushed my teeth with Gleem!

  54. @Brian —

    Two writers exploring a theme
    Can come up with the very same scheme
    (Said Laughlin, concealing
    His Acme “Brain-Stealing
    And Mind-Reading Energy Beam”).

    To read *your* thoughts, Brian, would seem
    No nightmare to me, but a dream;
    For your limericks feel
    Like they’re built out of steel
    (Or at least when I read ’em, I-Beam)!

  55. Mad: I am trying to get the syllables just right, so here is another try

    In ’52 I had a dream
    That my smile sparkled: a dazzling beam!
    Daddy woke my up
    I won the loving cup!
    Just because I brushed my teeth with something new called Gleem.

  56. not a duplicate

    In ’52 I had a dream
    That my smile sparkled: a dazzling beam!
    Daddy woke ME up
    I won the loving cup
    Just because I brushed my teeth with something new called Gleem!

  57. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I awoke when a single bright beam
    Pierced the drapes; then I stifled a scream.
    Did I really give head
    To this slob in my bed?
    How I wished for some vanishing cream.

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    For Kirk, it was like a bad dream.
    The monster almost made him scream.
    As he felt himself held.
    In a panic, he yelled,
    “Scotty, where in the hell is the beam?”

    But Spock saud, “Hold up on the beam.
    The monster ust lacks self-esteem.
    With ust on mind-meld,
    You’ll no longer be held.”
    For Kirk, it was now a worse dream.

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    He stood up there hgh on the beam,
    And suspected it wasn’t a dream..
    The cops kept on talking
    Him down, but sleep-walking
    Left him frozen except for a scream.

  60. We from Brooklyn just beam
    For the drink that reigns supreme
    It’s made with seltzer
    You’ll probably, belch, Sir
    It’s called a vanilla egg cream.

  61. Tinkwelborn says:

    Ha, Ha, Ha. Very good! I love limericks.

  62. Bjorn says:

    Ah.. I love limericks.. but they are so hard to do.. I cannot do one that is funny today :-)

  63. smacked in the back of the head with a beam,
    could hardly breathe, couldn’t scream.
    someone considers me a foe,
    & furiously delivered that blow;
    hope he’s not on my team.

  64. Oh my… your limerick was a greased up piece of funny…
    too bad my words are lacking and I’m all out of money
    Does this count as one? I think not
    I’ll go sit in the corner and rot…

    I tried.. :) hahah

  65. Don Stokes says:

    It was so dark I thought I’d scream
    Until, through the crack, a beam
    The sun saved my sanity
    And some of my vanity
    Embarrassment isn’t my scene

  66. kanzensakura says:

    much fun with this!

  67. I was standing under a beam
    When I noticed some blood: a stream
    It came from my head
    I’m glad I’m not dead
    The beam had a hole in the seam

  68. I’m loyal to my favorite team
    The Cubs just make me beam
    They’ll win the World Series
    With the strength of the Furies
    Okay, so it’s just a dream

  69. We seniors smile and beam
    Our fun is downright extreme!
    We have dinner at five
    Then we all do the jive
    And by six, we’ve run out of steam!

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    The challenge is: use the word “beam”
    As the crux of a short, rhyming theme.

    Meaning structure or shaft
    Or width of a craft?

    It’s whatever fits into the scheme.

  71. To radiate light is to beam
    “Radiant Dark” is a fancy skin cream.
    I choose the former
    It’s easier to charm her
    With a wink and a luminous dream.

    – or –

    On the seventh day (trashed on Jim Beam),
    God grew bored — and came up with a scheme:
    He laughed as He stuck
    Some spare parts from a duck
    On a beaver. Voilà! Monotreme.

  73. She’s going quite broad in the beam,
    And her dresses are tight at the seam;
    Since she’s Beam-ish and Stout,
    There can be little doubt
    She’s a Cork-dwelling Irishman’s dream.

    Beamish and Crawford

  74. not a duplicate

    I’m loyal to my favorite team
    The Cubs just make me beam
    They’ll win every game
    Achieve international fame
    Okay, it’s only a dream.

  75. We heard a piercing scream
    Like a nightmare- a scary dream!
    We searched high and low
    Then Fred said, “Oh no!”
    Look: there’s a broad in the beam!

  76. Byron Ives says:

    His furniture job made him beam,
    Now gone with a change of regime
    He couldn’t chair less,
    And nothing mattress,
    For a tailor he’d be, it did seam

  77. Dave Johnson says:

    The lady would giggle and beam
    When offered a certain ice cream.

    With banana and nuts;
    No ifs, ands or buts,

    She’d eat ’till she split at the seam.

  78. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 207.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because the new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rhyme Word DECK.