Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRIZE or APPRISE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “PRIZE” or “APPRISE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my two-verse limerick:
An email arrived to apprise
A woman that one of her pies
Won a prize — came in third,
But she later got word
That her pie caused the judges’ demise:“You’ve poisoned our judges, good lord,
With that pastry of yours they adored.”
“Yes, the cops came,” she said.
“I was sleeping in bed.
Tell me, when do I get my award?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Baking Humor, Baking Limerick, Competition Limerick, Contest Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Pie Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Prize Humor, Writing Prompts
Miss Mattie said “I like the size
The biggest is what takes the prize.”
She said with a wink
“It’s not what you think
I’m talking, of course, about pies.”
Presumably those who are wise
Don’t fall for insidious lies
And make a close measure
Of things that we treasure
With an eye on the size of the prize
Guilting the Willy, Will He?
She thought she had married a prize,
But one year with him opened her eyes:
They’d caroused, romped bare-assed
‘Til his guilt, unsurpassed,
Yelled “Abstain!” Now she’s horny, but wise…
Eyes On Their Size
Big Jerk! She awarded first prize
To him based on his outrageous lies
And eyes fixed on the chests
Of the large, which suggests
Superficial Guy’s fly’s on the rise.
Accused, he was quick to deny:
Boob fixation? A wrong, hurtful lie!
Yet, a quick operation
Could be their “love” ‘s salvation…
Double D!! What a sensitive guy.
A mammogram causes loud sighs,
And sometimes elicits some cries.
For those who are stoic
And act quite heroic,
Their reward is a big booby prize.
False pretenses, added with lies,
Were used to obtain the big prize.
The men knew from the start
Their deception was smart.
They came to be known as “wise guise.”
Fakeout
An envelope came to apprise
The Lang family: they’d won a prize.
Publishers Clearing House,
How they made Pop Lang grouse:
Hit it big? When my old John Deere flies!
Dr. Spooner said: “I must apprise
My detractors – your jokes are unwise.
I tell you”, he grumbled,
“My stung never tumbled;
It’s all been a great lack of pies.”
As I sit here to write and revise,
Why work hard on original tries?
I should JUST reap puns of
All the best wee puns of
Mad’s construction to aim for the prize!
The porn star took every prize
With his incredible size
But he soon lost his gig
Seems he just was too big
After filming the girl always dies.
Let me be the first to apprise
What makes artists reach for the skies.
It’s our blessing, our fate.
This need to create..
And to see the world with new eyes.
Animals Are More Deserving
His estate was a highly sought prize
Filled with jewelry, art, loot to the skies.
Claimants swarmed and then bickered,
The maids and staff snickered:
It all went to “Cats, Dogs, and Flies” :)
You Can’t Lose If You Don’t Play
If somehow receiving a prize
Could make one more kind, calm, and wise,
I might play the Lotto.
Beware: Hot potato!
“Enrich your state” in thin disguise :(
Send Out the Clowns
Dispatching their flunkies and spies
Backfired; Barack took First Prize :)
They still won’t sit in session,
Such a blatant transgression! 8^(\
Americans, chorus our Whys?!
I’ll Take Two, Please
Annabelle bakes some fine pies
After years of experiments, tries.
“I’ve learned it the hard way:
Invest in the best! Pay
For quality tins and supplies.”
Sunken F’Sure
Now Brucie, he wasn’t too wise
So had his eyes peeled for that prize
In the lake. Boat at dawn;
Way past sunset, he’s gone…
It ain’t Wise to compete wid dose Guys.
Acting Out
They promised her stardom, first prize:
Swept along, found it wasn’t all lies…
Five years later, she’s rich
And become such a bitch ~
It’s okay, she enjoys the hot guys.
Madonna Was Gonna
…Be a star, lucky one! Snag the prize
On the carousel ride: fame, wealth, guys.
She could dance, act, and sing
Years supplied “everything”
She could want, daughter too :) Wipe my eyes…
Just Chillin’
Ma’am, we’re here at your door to apprise
You: as one of those serial guys,
Your husband killed twenty
Young girls, and there’s plenty
Of evidence there were more tries.
Time Gets Us All
At the last, she approaches and pries
The cold ring from his hand as she cries.
Sixty years, come and gone!
Precious family, her love Don –
Shared a wonderful life: “won” first prize :)
He had learnt, to his pleasant surprise,
That it’s true – for a lady, the size
Doesn’t matter a bit,
Nor the shape, nor the fit,
Provided your wallet complies.
She thought she might win the big prize
On that show with those glamorous guys.
But a singer she ain’t,
Her voice blistered paint;
Now she’s back once again serving fries.
The proctologist had a surprise;
He couldn’t believe his own eyes.
A patient named Rush
Caused the doctor to flush;
He never had seen one that size!
Big Eyes
Hers grew huge when she took in his size,
Then they wandered back down to his thighs…
“Sir, you can’t take that seat,”
She said, being discreet.
Fly the Friendly Skies? Sure – thinner guys.
When her look comes with amorous sighs,
Our product can help, you’ll surmise.
It’s a personal pump
To inflate the lump
That she’ll want to try on for size.
The candidate felt it was wise
To base his campaign upon lies.
Ignoring the facts,
He launched his attacks
And ended up winning the prize.
Some thousands have owed their demise
to a Swede both inventive and wise.
Became he contrite
that he’d made dynamite
so he made then the Nobel Peace Prize.
A thief without conscience will prise
the obols from off dead men’s eyes.
On the Stygian bank straggle
men trying to haggle
with Charon, who won’t compromise.
Jupiter Descending? (and I enjoyed this film!)
To these aliens, Earth’s a rich prize
Worth killing for: won’t get a rise
From the audience (light),
Matinee or at night.
But so-fine Channing Tatum…wet thighs 8-D
My sow won the Pig-Breeders’ prize
With her beautiful trotters and eyes.
Though the buyers all sought her,
The bastards who bought her
Have turned her to bacon with fries!
I reluctantly had to apprise
Our dear Mother of Father’s demise.
He expired in the arms
Of a lady whose charms
Caused his rapturous terminal cries.
I’d awarded myself a nice prize,
But was fooled by the sexy disguise,
For my “Birthday-Boy” hooker,
A ravishing looker,
Went down while unzipping “her” flies.
Not in Sync, But Sunk
A kid wants to see an app(-)rise:
Tosses phone in the air. Big surprise,
It comes down with a crash
And the screen starts to flash
“Fatal Error” – oh, wah; angry cries :(
The Prof Drones On, Tapers Off
All Students: you were to apprise
Me when circumstances arise
That prevent you from testing…
[Lace stockings! Arresting,
And what her lip-licking implies 8-g]
O’Reilly is one of those guys
Who’s larger than life – in his eyes.
But truth be told
By colleagues of old,
His stories are bloated with lies.
He thought with his charm she’d surmise
He’s a gift over average guys.
But his move to impress
Had caused her to guess
That he’s lacking, and all it implies.
Tic, Tac, Tow ‘Em Off
To apprise us that you’ll win First Prize
This early on isn’t too wise:
You’re fielding Scott Walker,
That Wisconsin squawker?!
A candidate most can despise :(
So hand it to Hillary: do!
She’ll trounce soundly the lot of you, too.
Repairs are what’s needed
V. Reps’ hatred seeded;
The Sooner(s) we start, better view :)
“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”
— Benjamin Franklin
Mr. Franklin, you need to apprise
Ev’ry man: if he’s early to rise
After early to bed,
He’s got rocks in his head
‘Cause his lady will date other guys.
The formula for Limerick-off success:
My limerick’s winning a prize,
‘Cause it mentions a man to despise.
His views, we deplore ’em.
Man-on-dog Rick Santorum
Is the one Mad denies and decries.
Weird Scientist
She cooed, You should win a big prize
Purely based on the size of your flies…
And their gossamer wings.
Oh, such odd, pretty things
And they’re almost as big as your eyes :)
He almost could hear himself panting;
Of course, he quite found her enchanting
From her head to her toes
With her lips like pink bows –
Did she, too, like Gregorian chanting?
His dear wife he thought he’d surprise;
Showing up at her work in disguise.
She said “You look hot –
My hubby is not;
Let’s have fun – something he never tries”.
Congressional G.O.P. guys
Are an easy lot to despise.
Their leader named Mitch
Is making the pitch
To crown himself Lord of the Flies.
A knight, though not handsome nor wise,
Was endowed with incredible size;
And the maids in the shire
Had all slaked their desire
With the man they all knew as “Sir Prize.”
She’s Just Not That Into Your Limericks
Announced were the winners, first “prize”:
The other contenders asked Whys –
Did Mad not choose me?
Mine were risible (whee!).
Mad serenely retorts: Don’t tell lies :(
For Tim, On a Whim
But a challenge awaited Sir Prize
When he woke one fair morn and heard cries
From the maid right beside him
Plus the one set to ride him:
Yes, size, rise; but what if a girl dries?
[accent on rise, last line]
Big Mac
A girl friend with hands on the prize
slurped Ketchup and ate it with fries
so delicious it was…
she ate it because…
being deaf, she heard not his cries.
the lion king said that the prize
is a big mac with coke and french fries
if you manage to paint
all the jungle leaves red
with a handful of strawberry ice
ha – nothing for when you’re on a diet – just saying…smiles
What fun!
I’m done.
for a girl there’s always a prize
and even for muscular guys
if their wallet is thin
they’re showing some skin
believing it’s only ’bout size
Rarely have I won a prize
Unless it has been in disguise
The sun is shining
I shouldn’t be whining
This gold before my eyes.
A girl can always apprise
from the behaviour of any man’s eyes
If it’s subtle and flirty
or outrageous and dirty
that lead to a matrimonial prize
A long trail to prize..
perhaps a memory too
short to apprise..
oh goodness i go 1,3,5
and win no prize..:)
Early morning hours I prize
Are birthed under azure blue skies
I shower, brush and tuck
Then I accept my luck
Rain again, and smiles turn to sighs.
Enjoyed your limerick and the tips on writing them.
not a duplicate
I tried to win the golden prize
by baking my outstanding pies.
The winners were finally announced,
But the judges could not pronounce:
Dipetra: tarts containing flies.
Stealing to Victory?
To capture the Plagiarist’s Prize,
Remember why God made your eyes,
Says the song “Lobochevsky.”
Yes, that’s the success key.
You’ll be eulogized at your demise.
Delilah schemed and devised
to take down the strongest of guys;
she employed every trick;
Samson’s downfall was fixed–
when she claimed her tonsorial prize.
The good-looking hunk over there is definitely a prize.
I never saw anyone with such sexy bedroom eyes!
The bartender said “Stop”!
“I need to call a cop!”
“It’s the uni-bomber in disguise!”
Flat-chested Irma was small in size.
She had mousy-brown hair and yellowish eyes.
But at the fair in the spring
She was elated to bring
Home the questionable booby prize.
It’s something that’s hard to apprise
When you think about matters of size.
What carries more worth
Is it length or just girth?
Perhaps it’s the width of her eyes.
Candidates will always apprise
Whose kitchen is biggest in size.
Scott Walker’s lovin’
The Koch brother’s oven;
He’s there when the bread starts to rise.
All members of Comgres must rise
To show that they know that its wise
To continue all fights
For strong civil rignts.
They must keep their ayes on the prize.
Politicians all vie for first prize
In trying to promote truth’s demise.
Call them prevarications.
Call them falsifications.
Or if you speak plain, call them lies.
Her hair colors dazzle the eyes.
The rainbow sheen merits a prize.
She walks with such grace.
She lights up the place.
She looks so alive ’cause she dyes.
yesterday i saw the first robin
his head was high and bobbin
his song made me smile
as i drove my next mile
and it all left my heart a throbbin’
similar, but better?
Flat-chested Sally was small in size
She had frizzy hair and yellowish eyes.
But at the State Fair
She was thrilled to hear
She won the notorious booby prize.
I desperately wanted to win the prize
So I slept with the judge and closed my eyes.
His performance was clumsy
But according to “mumsy”
Sometimes we’re obliged to do things we despise.
I don’t think it’s very wise
To live your life telling lies.
But in some situations
Innocent flirtations
Might just win you the prize.
Same limerick; better meter?
I desperately wanted to win the prize,
So I slept with the judge and closed my eyes.
His performance was clumsy,
But according to “mumsy”:
Sometimes we must do things we despise.
not a duplicate
I desperately wanted to win the prize,
So I slept with the judge and closed my eyes.
His performance was clumsy,
But according to “mumsy”:
Sometimes we must do things we despise.
To my friends I must apprise
No sex after eating french fries
You might think you’re classy
But then you get gassy
And your vibrations precipitate good-byes.
Acrostic time again:
Plutocracy claims wealth’s a prize,
Rewarding hard work. It’s all lies:
In fact, many show
Zero skill making dough,
Except when a relative dies.
I was told keep your eyes on the prize.
But with limericks I’d soon surmise
Since the judge is my wife,
And to skip any strife,
I’d just settle for her happy sighs.
“Santorum alert!” I apprise.
“Mad Kane, you should cover your eyes.”
But what can we do
When the GOP crew
All sound like Slick Rick in disguise?
An amorous couple who tries
Love-making up in the skies
Can still join The Club;
But here is the rub:
Smart phones recording their sighs…
Some limerick writers despise
Contrivances to win the prize.
So the man who writes verses
On rhymes gets their curses:
“Never meta man like him!” One cries.
He cannot believe what he spies.
What a rack, what great ankles and thighs!
But the view from behind
Is what’s blowing his mind.
Callipygian* gals win the prize!
*Callipygian: Having shapely buttocks
not a duplicate fewer syllables
Flat-chested Jan was small in size
With frizzy hair and yellowish eyes.
But at the State Fair
She was thrilled to hear
She won the famous booby prize
not a duplicate fewer syllables:
To my friends I must apprise
NO SEX after eating fries.
You might think you’re classy,
But then you get gassy.
Your vibrations precipitate good byes!
not a duplicate
That hunk over there is a prize.
He has sexy “bedroom” eyes.
Wait! he looks familiar
Could he be a killer?
Damn: he’s my husband in disguise.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 205.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rhyme Fray or Defray.