Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRIZE or APPRISE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “PRIZE” or “APPRISE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my two-verse limerick:

An email arrived to apprise
A woman that one of her pies
Won a prize — came in third,
But she later got word
That her pie caused the judges’ demise:

“You’ve poisoned our judges, good lord,
With that pastry of yours they adored.”
“Yes, the cops came,” she said.
“I was sleeping in bed.
Tell me, when do I get my award?”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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80 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRIZE or APPRISE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Warren Baker says:

    Miss Mattie said “I like the size
    The biggest is what takes the prize.”
    She said with a wink
    “It’s not what you think
    I’m talking, of course, about pies.”

  2. jazzbumpa says:

    Presumably those who are wise
    Don’t fall for insidious lies
    And make a close measure
    Of things that we treasure
    With an eye on the size of the prize

  3. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Guilting the Willy, Will He?

    She thought she had married a prize,
    But one year with him opened her eyes:
    They’d caroused, romped bare-assed
    ‘Til his guilt, unsurpassed,
    Yelled “Abstain!” Now she’s horny, but wise…

  4. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Eyes On Their Size

    Big Jerk! She awarded first prize
    To him based on his outrageous lies
    And eyes fixed on the chests
    Of the large, which suggests
    Superficial Guy’s fly’s on the rise.

    Accused, he was quick to deny:
    Boob fixation? A wrong, hurtful lie!
    Yet, a quick operation
    Could be their “love” ‘s salvation…
    Double D!! What a sensitive guy.

  5. Kirk Miller says:

    A mammogram causes loud sighs,
    And sometimes elicits some cries.
    For those who are stoic
    And act quite heroic,
    Their reward is a big booby prize.

  6. Kirk Miller says:

    False pretenses, added with lies,
    Were used to obtain the big prize.
    The men knew from the start
    Their deception was smart.
    They came to be known as “wise guise.”

  7. Patrice of the ManyCats says:


    An envelope came to apprise
    The Lang family: they’d won a prize.
    Publishers Clearing House,
    How they made Pop Lang grouse:
    Hit it big? When my old John Deere flies!

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Dr. Spooner said: “I must apprise
    My detractors – your jokes are unwise.
    I tell you”, he grumbled,
    “My stung never tumbled;
    It’s all been a great lack of pies.”

  9. Jon Gearhart says:

    As I sit here to write and revise,
    Why work hard on original tries?
    I should JUST reap puns of
    All the best wee puns of
    Mad’s construction to aim for the prize!

  10. Al Hood says:

    The porn star took every prize
    With his incredible size
    But he soon lost his gig
    Seems he just was too big
    After filming the girl always dies.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    Let me be the first to apprise
    What makes artists reach for the skies.
    It’s our blessing, our fate.
    This need to create..
    And to see the world with new eyes.

  12. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Animals Are More Deserving

    His estate was a highly sought prize
    Filled with jewelry, art, loot to the skies.
    Claimants swarmed and then bickered,
    The maids and staff snickered:
    It all went to “Cats, Dogs, and Flies” :)

  13. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    You Can’t Lose If You Don’t Play

    If somehow receiving a prize
    Could make one more kind, calm, and wise,
    I might play the Lotto.
    Beware: Hot potato!
    “Enrich your state” in thin disguise :(

  14. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Send Out the Clowns

    Dispatching their flunkies and spies
    Backfired; Barack took First Prize :)
    They still won’t sit in session,
    Such a blatant transgression! 8^(\
    Americans, chorus our Whys?!

  15. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    I’ll Take Two, Please

    Annabelle bakes some fine pies
    After years of experiments, tries.
    “I’ve learned it the hard way:
    Invest in the best! Pay
    For quality tins and supplies.”

  16. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Sunken F’Sure

    Now Brucie, he wasn’t too wise
    So had his eyes peeled for that prize
    In the lake. Boat at dawn;
    Way past sunset, he’s gone…
    It ain’t Wise to compete wid dose Guys.

  17. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Acting Out

    They promised her stardom, first prize:
    Swept along, found it wasn’t all lies…
    Five years later, she’s rich
    And become such a bitch ~
    It’s okay, she enjoys the hot guys.

  18. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Madonna Was Gonna

    …Be a star, lucky one! Snag the prize
    On the carousel ride: fame, wealth, guys.
    She could dance, act, and sing
    Years supplied “everything”
    She could want, daughter too :) Wipe my eyes…

  19. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Just Chillin’

    Ma’am, we’re here at your door to apprise
    You: as one of those serial guys,
    Your husband killed twenty
    Young girls, and there’s plenty
    Of evidence there were more tries.

  20. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Time Gets Us All

    At the last, she approaches and pries
    The cold ring from his hand as she cries.
    Sixty years, come and gone!
    Precious family, her love Don –
    Shared a wonderful life: “won” first prize :)

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    He had learnt, to his pleasant surprise,
    That it’s true – for a lady, the size
    Doesn’t matter a bit,
    Nor the shape, nor the fit,
    Provided your wallet complies.

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    She thought she might win the big prize
    On that show with those glamorous guys.

    But a singer she ain’t,
    Her voice blistered paint;

    Now she’s back once again serving fries.

  23. Dave Johnson says:

    The proctologist had a surprise;
    He couldn’t believe his own eyes.

    A patient named Rush
    Caused the doctor to flush;

    He never had seen one that size!

  24. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Big Eyes

    Hers grew huge when she took in his size,
    Then they wandered back down to his thighs…
    “Sir, you can’t take that seat,”
    She said, being discreet.
    Fly the Friendly Skies? Sure – thinner guys.

  25. Dave Johnson says:

    When her look comes with amorous sighs,
    Our product can help, you’ll surmise.

    It’s a personal pump
    To inflate the lump

    That she’ll want to try on for size.

  26. Tom Harris says:

    The candidate felt it was wise
    To base his campaign upon lies.
    Ignoring the facts,
    He launched his attacks
    And ended up winning the prize.

  27. Edward von Muir says:

    Some thousands have owed their demise
    to a Swede both inventive and wise.
    Became he contrite
    that he’d made dynamite
    so he made then the Nobel Peace Prize.

  28. Edward von Muir says:

    A thief without conscience will prise
    the obols from off dead men’s eyes.
    On the Stygian bank straggle
    men trying to haggle
    with Charon, who won’t compromise.

  29. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Jupiter Descending? (and I enjoyed this film!)

    To these aliens, Earth’s a rich prize
    Worth killing for: won’t get a rise
    From the audience (light),
    Matinee or at night.
    But so-fine Channing Tatum…wet thighs 8-D

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    My sow won the Pig-Breeders’ prize
    With her beautiful trotters and eyes.
    Though the buyers all sought her,
    The bastards who bought her
    Have turned her to bacon with fries!

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    I reluctantly had to apprise
    Our dear Mother of Father’s demise.
    He expired in the arms
    Of a lady whose charms
    Caused his rapturous terminal cries.

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    I’d awarded myself a nice prize,
    But was fooled by the sexy disguise,
    For my “Birthday-Boy” hooker,
    A ravishing looker,
    Went down while unzipping “her” flies.

  33. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Not in Sync, But Sunk

    A kid wants to see an app(-)rise:
    Tosses phone in the air. Big surprise,
    It comes down with a crash
    And the screen starts to flash
    “Fatal Error” – oh, wah; angry cries :(

  34. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    The Prof Drones On, Tapers Off

    All Students: you were to apprise
    Me when circumstances arise
    That prevent you from testing…
    [Lace stockings! Arresting,
    And what her lip-licking implies 8-g]

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    O’Reilly is one of those guys
    Who’s larger than life – in his eyes.

    But truth be told
    By colleagues of old,

    His stories are bloated with lies.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    He thought with his charm she’d surmise
    He’s a gift over average guys.

    But his move to impress
    Had caused her to guess

    That he’s lacking, and all it implies.

  37. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Tic, Tac, Tow ‘Em Off

    To apprise us that you’ll win First Prize
    This early on isn’t too wise:
    You’re fielding Scott Walker,
    That Wisconsin squawker?!
    A candidate most can despise :(

    So hand it to Hillary: do!
    She’ll trounce soundly the lot of you, too.
    Repairs are what’s needed
    V. Reps’ hatred seeded;
    The Sooner(s) we start, better view :)

  38. Tim James says:

    “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”
    — Benjamin Franklin

    Mr. Franklin, you need to apprise
    Ev’ry man: if he’s early to rise
    After early to bed,
    He’s got rocks in his head
    ‘Cause his lady will date other guys.

  39. Fred Bortz says:

    The formula for Limerick-off success:

    My limerick’s winning a prize,
    ‘Cause it mentions a man to despise.
    His views, we deplore ’em.
    Man-on-dog Rick Santorum
    Is the one Mad denies and decries.

  40. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Weird Scientist

    She cooed, You should win a big prize
    Purely based on the size of your flies…
    And their gossamer wings.
    Oh, such odd, pretty things
    And they’re almost as big as your eyes :)

    He almost could hear himself panting;
    Of course, he quite found her enchanting
    From her head to her toes
    With her lips like pink bows –
    Did she, too, like Gregorian chanting?

  41. Dave Johnson says:

    His dear wife he thought he’d surprise;
    Showing up at her work in disguise.

    She said “You look hot –
    My hubby is not;

    Let’s have fun – something he never tries”.

  42. Dave Johnson says:

    Congressional G.O.P. guys
    Are an easy lot to despise.

    Their leader named Mitch
    Is making the pitch

    To crown himself Lord of the Flies.

  43. Tim James says:

    A knight, though not handsome nor wise,
    Was endowed with incredible size;
    And the maids in the shire
    Had all slaked their desire
    With the man they all knew as “Sir Prize.”

  44. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    She’s Just Not That Into Your Limericks

    Announced were the winners, first “prize”:
    The other contenders asked Whys –
    Did Mad not choose me?
    Mine were risible (whee!).
    Mad serenely retorts: Don’t tell lies :(

  45. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    For Tim, On a Whim

    But a challenge awaited Sir Prize
    When he woke one fair morn and heard cries
    From the maid right beside him
    Plus the one set to ride him:
    Yes, size, rise; but what if a girl dries?

    [accent on rise, last line]

  46. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Big Mac

    A girl friend with hands on the prize 
    slurped Ketchup and ate it with fries 
    so delicious it was… 
    she ate it because… 
    being deaf, she heard not his cries. 

  47. claudia says:

    the lion king said that the prize
    is a big mac with coke and french fries
    if you manage to paint
    all the jungle leaves red
    with a handful of strawberry ice

    ha – nothing for when you’re on a diet – just saying…smiles

  48. kanzensakura says:

    What fun!
    I’m done.

  49. Bjorn says:

    for a girl there’s always a prize
    and even for muscular guys
    if their wallet is thin
    they’re showing some skin
    believing it’s only ’bout size

  50. Mish says:

    Rarely have I won a prize
    Unless it has been in disguise
    The sun is shining
    I shouldn’t be whining
    This gold before my eyes.

  51. billgncs says:

    A girl can always apprise
    from the behaviour of any man’s eyes
    If it’s subtle and flirty
    or outrageous and dirty
    that lead to a matrimonial prize

  52. A long trail to prize..

    perhaps a memory too

    short to apprise..

    oh goodness i go 1,3,5

    and win no prize..:)

  53. vb holmes says:

    Early morning hours I prize
    Are birthed under azure blue skies
    I shower, brush and tuck
    Then I accept my luck
    Rain again, and smiles turn to sighs.

    Enjoyed your limerick and the tips on writing them.

  54. not a duplicate

    I tried to win the golden prize
    by baking my outstanding pies.
    The winners were finally announced,
    But the judges could not pronounce:
    Dipetra: tarts containing flies.

  55. Fred Bortz says:

    Stealing to Victory?

    To capture the Plagiarist’s Prize,
    Remember why God made your eyes,
    Says the song “Lobochevsky.”
    Yes, that’s the success key.
    You’ll be eulogized at your demise.

  56. Tess N. says:

    Delilah schemed and devised
    to take down the strongest of guys;
    she employed every trick;
    Samson’s downfall was fixed–
    when she claimed her tonsorial prize.

  57. The good-looking hunk over there is definitely a prize.
    I never saw anyone with such sexy bedroom eyes!
    The bartender said “Stop”!
    “I need to call a cop!”
    “It’s the uni-bomber in disguise!”

  58. Flat-chested Irma was small in size.
    She had mousy-brown hair and yellowish eyes.
    But at the fair in the spring
    She was elated to bring
    Home the questionable booby prize.

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    It’s something that’s hard to apprise
    When you think about matters of size.

    What carries more worth
    Is it length or just girth?

    Perhaps it’s the width of her eyes.

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    Candidates will always apprise
    Whose kitchen is biggest in size.

    Scott Walker’s lovin’
    The Koch brother’s oven;

    He’s there when the bread starts to rise.

  61. Allen Wilcox says:

    All members of Comgres must rise
    To show that they know that its wise
    To continue all fights
    For strong civil rignts.
    They must keep their ayes on the prize.

  62. Allen Wilcox says:

    Politicians all vie for first prize
    In trying to promote truth’s demise.
    Call them prevarications.
    Call them falsifications.
    Or if you speak plain, call them lies.

  63. Allen Wilcox says:

    Her hair colors dazzle the eyes.
    The rainbow sheen merits a prize.
    She walks with such grace.
    She lights up the place.
    She looks so alive ’cause she dyes.

  64. kelly says:

    yesterday i saw the first robin
    his head was high and bobbin
    his song made me smile
    as i drove my next mile
    and it all left my heart a throbbin’

  65. similar, but better?

    Flat-chested Sally was small in size
    She had frizzy hair and yellowish eyes.
    But at the State Fair
    She was thrilled to hear
    She won the notorious booby prize.

  66. I desperately wanted to win the prize
    So I slept with the judge and closed my eyes.
    His performance was clumsy
    But according to “mumsy”
    Sometimes we’re obliged to do things we despise.

  67. I don’t think it’s very wise
    To live your life telling lies.
    But in some situations
    Innocent flirtations
    Might just win you the prize.

  68. Same limerick; better meter?

    I desperately wanted to win the prize,
    So I slept with the judge and closed my eyes.
    His performance was clumsy,
    But according to “mumsy”:
    Sometimes we must do things we despise.

  69. not a duplicate

    I desperately wanted to win the prize,
    So I slept with the judge and closed my eyes.
    His performance was clumsy,
    But according to “mumsy”:
    Sometimes we must do things we despise.

  70. To my friends I must apprise
    No sex after eating french fries
    You might think you’re classy
    But then you get gassy
    And your vibrations precipitate good-byes.

  71. Acrostic time again:

    Plutocracy claims wealth’s a prize,
    Rewarding hard work. It’s all lies:
    In fact, many show
    Zero skill making dough,
    Except when a relative dies.

  72. Mark Kane says:

    I was told keep your eyes on the prize.
    But with limericks I’d soon surmise
    Since the judge is my wife,
    And to skip any strife,
    I’d just settle for her happy sighs.

  73. Fred Bortz says:

    “Santorum alert!” I apprise.
    “Mad Kane, you should cover your eyes.”
    But what can we do
    When the GOP crew
    All sound like Slick Rick in disguise?

  74. Dave Johnson says:

    An amorous couple who tries
    Love-making up in the skies

    Can still join The Club;
    But here is the rub:

    Smart phones recording their sighs…

  75. Fred Bortz says:

    Some limerick writers despise
    Contrivances to win the prize.
    So the man who writes verses
    On rhymes gets their curses:
    “Never meta man like him!” One cries.

  76. Fred Bortz says:

    He cannot believe what he spies.
    What a rack, what great ankles and thighs!
    But the view from behind
    Is what’s blowing his mind.
    Callipygian* gals win the prize!

    *Callipygian: Having shapely buttocks

  77. not a duplicate fewer syllables

    Flat-chested Jan was small in size
    With frizzy hair and yellowish eyes.
    But at the State Fair
    She was thrilled to hear
    She won the famous booby prize

  78. not a duplicate fewer syllables:

    To my friends I must apprise
    NO SEX after eating fries.
    You might think you’re classy,
    But then you get gassy.
    Your vibrations precipitate good byes!

  79. not a duplicate

    That hunk over there is a prize.
    He has sexy “bedroom” eyes.
    Wait! he looks familiar
    Could he be a killer?
    Damn: he’s my husband in disguise.

  80. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 205.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rhyme Fray or Defray.