Coming Clean About Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow had planned to come clean…*


A fellow who hated to clean…*


A woman had planned to come clean…*


A woman who hated to clean…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Coming Clean About Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow had planned to come clean
About actions he knew were obscene,
Till he noticed the knife
In the hand of his wife,
Well positioned for venting his spleen.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

116 Responses to “Coming Clean About Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. A fellow had planned to come clean
    To his son, speaking like a machine
    He said “Luke, I’m your father
    I hope it’s no bother
    I guess though, you’ll make a big scene

  2. Hoot Gibson says:

    Hubby had planned to come clean,
    But his wife was being horribly mean.
    Since you don’t want to hear,
    I’ll just go have a beer,
    And leave you in-charge of this scene.

  3. kaykuala says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    On his exploits, facts his wife gleaned
    Just too late
    It was his fate
    Left high and dry, now just a has-been


  4. The Limerick King says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    By being with Oprah on screen
    This arrogant prick
    Just made us feel sick
    He’s “Winning”…just like Charlie Sheen

  5. Chris Papa says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean,
    When by GI doctor was seen,
    Spent all day on the pot,
    With results not hot,
    That screwed up colonoscope screen.

  6. Stan Ski says:

    A woman had planned to come clean
    Instead she created a scene
    Her message backfired
    Not what she desired
    And the language she used was obscene

  7. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    In the shower (you know what I mean?).
    But found when he came
    It was more of the same.
    The same act, the same cast, different scene.

  8. Gary Hallock says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    Bought a fresh pack of condoms, in green
    Cuz the old ones he’d used
    Left his girlfriend confused
    About where that danged thing had been

  9. rbasler says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    For a liberal whose first name was Gene
    He stopped being swarthy
    For Mr. McCarthy
    Ah, the ’68 political scene!

  10. Gary Hallock says:

    Lance Armstrong had planned to come clean
    But with Oprah no tears have we seen
    Guess ’twas not his intent
    To mourn or repent
    But only to not make a scene

  11. John Sardo says:

    A woman had planned to come clean
    On behavior she knew was quite mean
    She slept round galore
    Well past four score
    Then said “screw it this fun is too keen.”

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    Of his sexual addiction supreme
    But soon he’d discover
    There under the cover
    Was his wife with the other fifteen.

  13. Mark Kane says:

    As a husband tried hard to come clean,
    His wife turned a pale livid green:
    “She’s how old you say,
    You are ancient and gray!”
    Well I think she’s at least seventeen.

  14. Mark Kane says:

    Once caught yes he finally came clean,
    And revealed all the crimes he had seen.
    A stew of deceit,
    Caused Nixon’s defeat.
    The Nation should thank you, John Dean.

  15. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    Was caught in a washing machine
    It went into SPIN
    And she was sucked in
    Saying “Oh what a fast moving scene!”

  16. Diane Groothuis says:

    When a woman had planned to come clean
    Re liaison with her new voisine
    Her man said I surmise
    You should open your eyes
    Before you fall in the latrine.

  17. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who planned to come clean
    About his dirty movie scene
    Changed his mind
    When he saw his behind
    Was plastered on ads for jellybeans

  18. scott says:

    fellow had planned to come clean,
    from the greatest addiction he’d seen,
    but succumbed to the hook,
    of rhyme and Facebook,
    and here I am back at the screen.

  19. Diane Groothuis says:

    A housemaid who hated to clean
    Spoke of the places she’d been
    “I’ve polished the chalice
    In Buckingham Palace
    For Phillip and also the Queen”

  20. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A lady had planned to come clean
    For having black-washed her own Queen.
    The King who was baffled
    Prepared her a scaffold –
    She had to escape through latrine.

  21. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A student who sort of came clean
    About cheating in Stats told the dean:
    “We ALL cheat, you know,
    So my test answers show
    That extremes will regress to the mean.”

  22. Edmund Conti says:

    Said a fellow who hated to clean
    The gunk off his new guillotine,
    “It’s a pain in the neck
    Cleaning all of this dreck
    Just to peel one small tangerine.”

  23. Edmund Conti says:

    To a fellow who planned to come clean
    Re a small minor crime as a teen
    I would ask this of him
    “Does the statute of lim-
    itations apply to that scene?”

  24. Edmund Conti says:

    Said a fellow who hated to clean
    All his teeth and the spaces between,
    “My life’s such a rush
    That I’ve no time to brush.”
    His do-list says Buy Listerine.

  25. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    About his affair with Maureen.
    He thought he’s confess
    How he made her undress
    And how it involved vaseline.

  26. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    when his sweetie arrived on the scene
    But he fell for Inga
    who was quite the swinga
    with him, Dr. Frahnk-en-steen.

  27. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman had planned to come clean
    about all the men she had seen.
    Her hubby got wise
    about all those guys
    and now there’s a lawyer on scene.

  28. Johanna Richmond says:

    A farm-hand who’d planned to come clean
    Just as soon as he’d managed to wean,
    Said, “Too late, now I’m creamed,”
    When the farmer’s wife screamed,
    “Oh my god, not the milking machine!!”

  29. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    Checked the room of her typical teen,
    Where she found seven plates,
    Peanuts, walnuts, and dates,
    And some ham, biologically green.

  30. Edmund Conti says:

    A farmer who planned to come clean
    Of his satyr life (Spoiler: obscene)
    Merely wanted to note
    That he birthed no goat
    “I haven’t the yen yet to yean.”

  31. Bob Dvorak says:

    New Year’s Day, Eddie planned to come clean
    From addictions like tar, nicotine,
    Uppers, Vicodin, speed,
    Downers, acid, and weed
    Always washed down with too much caffeine.

  32. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow who paused to come clean
    With a shower, was called by Colleen:
    “Only three times sounds funny.
    You coming back, Honey?”
    “I need to spruce up muh… muh sheen.”

  33. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A gal thought it wise to come clean
    With the truth to men she had seen:
    “I’ll say Yes but—don’t hate me—
    The best way to date me
    Is to measure my carbon 14.”

  34. I just logged on for the first time today and haven’t even begun to think of limericks, but is it possible for anyone to equal the one you wrote? I’m still laughing!
    a few seconds ago

  35. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    Buffed the floor to a very high sheen
    On the surface like glass
    She slipped on her arse
    And said “Help me, I ‘ve ruptured my spleen”.

  36. Emma says:

    this is blogged at A Woman Who Hated To Clean.

    A woman who hated to clean
    Thought it was terribly mean
    Of dust to collect
    Where eyes would inspect
    So she put everything in polythene

  37. Mark Kane says:

    An actress required him clean,
    Before she’d consider that scene,
    Where they’d roll in the hay
    For some naked hot play,
    Once assured it was thoroughly green.

  38. Kathy El-Assal says:

    Under oath, Clinton finally came clean
    ‘Bout that whole infidelity scene.
    What doesn’t compute?
    Hypocrites such as Newt
    For whom office affairs were routine.

  39. Laurie Baker says:

    I’m dreading that hour I must clean
    My recently egged front door screen
    Cheeky kids in the night
    Mixed the yolk with the white
    And left me to regret Halloween.

  40. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    About robberies made as a teen
    Got as far as the station
    Then without hesitation
    Ran home without making a scene

  41. Beth Parsons says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    To explain his bicycling scene
    Tricked a bad urine test
    ‘Cause yellow jerseys are the best!
    The spinning begins to careen.

  42. A fellow who hated to clean
    Has created a washing routine
    Now he schedules each bath
    Using log’rithmic math
    So they’re fewer and farther between

  43. A woman had planned to come clean
    But in Smithers, just making the scene
    She was randy and lonely
    And so she not only
    Got drunk, she blew two Smithereens

  44. A kitten who hated to clean
    His fur, was repeatedly seen
    Almost black from the scuttle
    Which would brook no rebuttal
    When his Ma said ‘I know where you’ve been!’

  45. Manicddaily says:

    Al decided he had to come clean
    and truly to make his life green.
    But without carbon dodges
    he went for massages–
    The masseuse said -get rubbed by machine!

  46. Hansi says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    Lived with a man who thought it obscene
    He bought her a mop
    But that was a flop
    So he tried a washing machine.

  47. Edmund Conti says:

    It still remains to be seen–
    What she says does Madeleine mean.
    Surely, folks, I would love the
    Further tales here of the
    Noted woman who hated to clean.

  48. Claudia says:

    a fellow who hated to clean
    got caught up once in a moon beam
    and he tried to scrub
    all the yellow color off
    but no success could be seen

  49. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A fellow began to come clean
    On the things he had done and had seen,
    But his crimes were extensive,
    Which made him defensive,
    “At least I have never been mean!”

  50. JulesPaige says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    loved instead to live life, not be mean
    a few bits of dust
    wipe ‘em up if you must
    I’m made to laugh, I’m not a machine!

  51. Green Speck says:

    A fellow who hated to clean
    Was thought to be lazy and mean
    But no, they were wrong
    His determination, too strong
    And thus he invented the washing machine.

  52. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A fellow who hated to clean
    Tried to fashion a cleaning machine.
    When he flipped the thing’s switch,
    He encountered a glitch.
    What ensued would be viewed as obscene.

  53. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A fellow who planned to come clean
    On his role with the mujahideen,
    Changed his mind when his friends
    Said he must make amends.
    After that, they were not heard or seen.

  54. Luke Prater says:

    A pusher who planned to come clean
    felt a dull ache in his duodene.
    His crooked old quack
    took a toke of his crack
    and handed him back glycerine.

  55. Charley Simmons says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    Saw all food in her fridge turn to green
    She left open the door
    And it crawled ‘cross the floor
    Then away never more to be seen.

  56. A young fellow didn’t come clean
    To his mom about where he’d been:
    Down to the garden,
    All over the yard ’n
    The evidence showed on his jeans!

  57. Laurie Baker says:

    I can’t get my daughter to clean
    How typical is that at fourteen?
    Clothes strewn on the floor
    Think I’ll just shut the door
    I’m better off leaving it unseen.

  58. Laurie Baker says:

    With calories she is destined to come clean
    That culinary host Paula Deen
    If her blood sugar starts spiking
    And it’s not to her liking
    She might resort to the humble black bean.

  59. Johanna Richmond says:

    Inauguration Day

    A president chose to come clean
    In a red, white and very blue scene,
    And the subtext was this:
    Here’s my rear for a kiss,
    GOP, if you think I’m still green.

  60. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A soldier who hated to clean
    Went to war with a dirty canteen.
    Cuz the water ingested
    Was microbe infested,
    He’s venting much more than his spleen.

  61. A suspect had planned to come clean
    Re: the evidence found at the scene
    His lawyer urged silence
    Concerning the violence
    CSI then, the facts had to glean.

  62. Kirk Miller says:

    A comedian planned to come clean
    In his stand-up. “My future routine
    Won’t have cussing from me
    ‘Cause my humor,” said he,
    “Unlike kids, should be heard, not obscene.”

  63. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old fellow who was’nt too clean
    Had false teeth a nice shade of green
    Through some misadventure
    He’d lost his old denture
    And found these laying in a latrine

  64. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Geisha who planned to come clean
    Spoke behind an ornate silken screen
    “Though my assets aren’t real
    You can still have a feel
    As long as you won’t be too mean”.

  65. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow who likes to come clean
    Stuffs himself in the washing machine
    He plays with his parts
    ‘Til the rinse cycle starts
    Gets his wish, if you know what I mean

  66. Don says:

    A contest with limericks to be clean
    seems rare from what I’ve seen
    with sex and innuendoes
    who knows where the mind goes
    and leaves the spoils to those obscene

  67. Don says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    so he went to the TV screen
    admitting a character flaw
    he said,”Aw shucks, I guess to y’all
    leveling the playing field 7 times was a bit extreem.”

  68. Johanna Richmond says:

    Take 2

    A farm-hand who planned to come clean
    Met an end perhaps not unforeseen:
    Got his dairy-air licked
    By Elsie and kicked
    By Bathsheba, the milking machine.

  69. Johanna Richmond says:

    When he told her he wished to come clean,
    Simone, the fellatio queen,
    Said, “Jeepers, by golly
    Might you have a lolly?”
    He obliged. To correct would be mean.

  70. Said a fellow who hated to clean,
    “I think GALS have a house-cleaning gene
    That is lacking in MEN
    And I’m sorry, but then
    With genetics one can’t contravene!”

  71. Diane Groothuis says:

    The farmhand who had to come clean
    Had a brain like a pea (which is green)
    But I just didn’t know
    What was told us by Jo
    Until Steve showed me what it DID mean.

  72. brian miller says:

    a fellow had planned to come clean
    his record was not so pristine
    out came it all
    each little flaw
    in the backseat he was last seen

  73. Sara McNulty says:

    A fellow who hated to clean
    Had a sink that looked quite obscene
    Piled high with soiled plates,
    Forks, knives, and spoon mates
    He was forced to seek outside cuisine
    A woman who planned to come clean
    Was fearful her husband would scream
    At her numerous trysts
    And calling it quits
    Would reduce her to canned pork and beans
    A fellow who hated to clean
    Had a fridge much less than pristine
    It went on the fritz
    Left him to eat bits
    Of green eggs and ham, know what I mean?

  74. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    In the confessional he’d planned to come clean
    About the shagging of twins 19
    And the Priest said, “Old son,
    With the address of just one
    Your absolved, if you get what I mean.”

  75. colonialist says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    On how he had used the tureen,
    But when doggy poop
    Was found in the soup
    He hastily quitted the scene.

  76. A young actress who wished to be “clean”
    Was embarrassed to read on the screen
    That it rated an X
    Just because she had sex
    In a scene that was seen as obscene!

  77. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A dumb blonde planned to be clean
    By filling her bath with cream
    Said the Milkman surprised,
    “Do you want it Pasteurised”?
    “No! Just up to my boobs would be keen.”

  78. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    Explaining the meaning of “mean”
    it’s not a deep riddle
    Just thing in the middle
    That number that’s there in between.

  79. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean.
    His envy was turning him green.
    I want all you own
    I want your iPhone
    But mostly your age–seventeen!

  80. Daisy Mae says:

    I’m sorry, Mad, I forgot to cross post!

    I confess, I hate having to clean
    I find things to avoid it- I mean,
    what’s the point, scrub and then
    The dirt’s right back again
    Thus our home’s not exactly pristine.

    The carpet stains just won’t come out
    It’s dirty, seeds planted might sprout
    Dust bunnies are high
    Watch them multiply
    ‘Pledge?’ Let the dust settle…about.

    For years we were so into ‘clean’
    But we now hit the dirt- it’s obscene
    I once lived in great fear
    That our friends would come here
    I solved that with a sign: QUARANTINE

    Truth be told, it’s past time to purge
    Mad’s limerick created the urge
    Yes, it’s time to come clean
    After facebook, I mean,
    and email-Tomorrow I’ll emerge.

  81. Diane Groothuis says:

    Cinderella who hated to clean
    Her Step Mother’s dirty cuisine
    Said “Let the two ugly Sisters
    Get some of my blisters
    While I see if Prince Charming’s still keen”

  82. Diane Groothuis says:

    When in New York I wanted to clean
    Out the basement for good old Filene
    So I blew out my stash
    Of savings and cash
    And from now on I have to live lean.

  83. Charley Simmons says:

    A chap who was freakishly clean
    Scrubbed his butt to a high glossy sheen.
    He went out in the sun
    Where he mooned everyone
    Causing blindness to all. Now that’s mean

  84. Radnoft Pladitzcki says:

    A hooker planned to come clean
    On a quiz form at question 14
    That asked what her left knee
    Might say to her right knee
    Answer: Nothing! They never convene.

  85. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Mother Bear said to Father “Come clean”
    As she pointed to the couch velveteen
    “You’ve had Goldilocks on there
    And some blonde pubic hair
    On your old rocking chair I have seen.”

  86. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A hooker planned to come clean
    On a quiz form at question 14
    That asked what her left knee
    Might say to her right knee
    Answer: Nothing! They never convene.

  87. Carolyn Henly says:

    A farmer who hated to clean
    The poultry pen built a machine:
    It tilted the floor
    So the duck muck would pour,
    But, unhapp’ly, it made the duck lean.

  88. Tim James says:

    That fellow who hated to clean:
    His fridge was a horror-flick scene.
    The cheese had grown legs
    And would dance with the eggs
    And the plant life was quite Pleistocene.

  89. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who hated to clean
    Found a Virgo and made her his queen.
    While cooking he’d wiggle.
    She’d sit back and giggle.
    Each night they’d enjoy his cuisine.

  90. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Dervish had planned to come clean
    To explain why he’d spin and careen
    Then he whirled round so fast
    He disappeared up his arse
    Never again to be seen.

  91. Laurie Baker says:

    A chiropractor begged to come clean
    Am I a quack or a doctor supreme?
    If it’s relief that you seek
    Try this convoluted tweak
    Without the drugs that usually intervene.

  92. Tom Harris says:

    A fellow who’d planned to come clean
    Realized his idea was not keen.
    He admitted a bit,
    Then lickety-split
    Wrapped himself in a saintly sheen.

  93. Tom Harris says:

    A woman who’d hated to clean
    Since back when she was but a teen,
    Opened up Pine Sol
    Let it sit, that’s all.
    ’Til the house smelled ever so clean.

  94. Johanna Richmond says:

    The prez dared the court to come clean,
    Forge ahead with a liberal lean,
    By framing a past
    In which Stonewall is cast
    As a civil rights victory — keen!

  95. A fellow is now coming clean
    Fastest bicycling junkie there’s been
    And he might be forgiven
    If he’d only striven
    T’ apologize for being mean

  96. There’s a girl who should plan to come clean
    ‘Bout a man and a milking machine
    ‘Cuz I wouldn’t a’ thunk
    With it hooked to his junk
    He’d do anything more than turn green!

  97. The Brawny Man hates Mister Clean
    And locked him inside a latrine
    But bald guy stayed in it
    For less than a minute
    Then wiped flannel boy from the scene

  98. Michelangelo hated to clean
    His brushes, he’d no kerosene
    Though he shouldn’t of ought’a
    He used holy wata
    When painting the chapel Sistine

  99. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who failed to come clean
    Of a tryst with his neighbor Nadine
    Said: “A conscience that’s clean does
    Much less than Nadine does
    In making my slumber serene.”

  100. Dr. Goose says:

    Lance Armstrong had to come clean
    ‘Bout the truth of his doping routine.
    He ‘fessed up to Oprah,
    Who warned him: “I hope ya
    Don’t say things ya don’t really mean.”

  101. Dr. Goose says:

    An officer had to come clean
    After crashing his armored machine:
    “Now that it’s wrecked,
    They’ll have to inspect
    The bev’rage within my canteen.”

  102. Dr. Goose says:

    A trader had planned to come clean
    When losses arose unforeseen,
    But then tried a tack
    Of winning it back,
    On the strength of some extra caffeine.

  103. Dr. Goose says:

    Ms. Couric made Manti come clean
    On the hoax of his Internet queen:
    “To not be a victim,
    It’s best to have picked ’em
    From those who you’ve actually seen.”

  104. Dr. Goose says:

    Icahn and Ackman came clean
    That no love was lost in between;
    On CNBC,
    To each other they vented their spleen.

  105. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young fellow planned to come clean
    To his Mum about his wet dream
    For she thought that her son
    Had let his nose run
    On his bed sheets no longer pristine

  106. Carolyn Henly says:

    Dimaggio declined to come clean;
    Kept his secrets ’bout Silver Screen queen.
    You could ask Joltin’ Joe
    About Mar’lyn Monroe
    But to him she was plain Norma Jeane.

  107. Bill Watkins says:

    A woman who hated to clean
    Left a floor with a beautiful sheen,
    When she came back
    Her kids she did whack.
    They’d used the floor for a latrine!

  108. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A prince thought he shouldn’t come clean
    With his role-playing dreams of the queen.
    “They’re a little ‘complex’
    (As in Oedipus Rex)—
    Am I king? Or is she the dauphine?”

  109. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    on kicking a vending machine
    but this plan he adjourned
    when the thing then returned
    his cash and some candy cuisine.

  110. RJ Clarken says:

    The stain simply would not come clean
    even with tetrachlor-ethylene.
    So he tie-tied the shirt
    blending color and dirt.
    Now the sweater’s all blue, pink and green.

  111. RJ Clarken says:

    A murderer wouldn’t come clean
    even ‘though he was found at the scene
    with the knife in his hand.
    He said, “Please understand.
    I was only just venting his spleen.”

  112. Kevin Ahern says:

    A fellow had planned to come clean
    Of a fault that he had most obscene
    ‘Twas rather risque
    The guy had to say
    His standard deviation was mean

  113. Johanna Richmond says:

    Michael Jackson felt bound to come clean:
    He in no way knocked up Billy Jean.
    But a “dance in the round”
    “On the floor” has the sound
    Of a more than CHEEK-kissed beauty queen.

  114. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Preacher planned to come clean
    After shagging the wife of the Dean
    Seven times, – then she said,
    “Your not bad in bed,
    Though the Vicar once scored 13

  115. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An inventive young voyer to clean
    And remove pubic hair (his cuisine)
    Used a small sharpened stick
    Now known as a toothpick
    To restore to his teeth former sheen.

  116. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 98.

    But don’t worry! You still can have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Hall of Limericks.