Limerick Claim (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman would frequently claim…*


A fellow would frequently claim…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Claim
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gambler would frequently claim
That his friends and his spouse were to blame
For his being a louse
And losing his house.
Shifting guilt for misdeeds was his game.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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103 Responses to “Limerick Claim (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman would frequently claim,
    That she dressed to kill, and not to maim.
    Yet she mangled her feet,
    Into hamburger meat,
    And her Jimmy Choo heels were to blame.

  2. colonialist says:

    A ‘woman’ would frequently claim
    That she had the title of Dame;
    It wasn’t a lie,
    For she was a guy,
    And noted for Pantomime fame!

    A woman would frequently claim,
    That she, for divorce, had no blame,
    But proof there was found
    Of her playing around,
    And that she had been ‘on the game’.

  3. Mark Kane says:

    A hooker would frequently claim,
    Her prowess at lighting their flame.
    While stoking their cock,
    With an eye on the clock,
    She’d make sure that they left, when they came.

  4. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    When urinating he had perfect aim
    But all his bullseyes
    Were most definitely lies
    And when the seat was wet he was to blame

  5. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow kept making the claim,
    That marrying soon was his aim,
    But the years quickly passed,
    With his girl never asked.
    Seems like living in sin was his game.

  6. Mark Kane says:

    A pitcher would frequently claim,
    His fame from an accurate aim,
    But today’s not his day,
    As they homer’d away.
    He accepted full blame for the game.

  7. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    She’d a title known as Great Dame
    Conferred upon her
    By the Don who bestrode her
    At a Maffia do down in Maine

  8. Craig says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    His orgasm distance was lame
    As she rinsed out her hair
    He said “I’m well aware”
    That’s a problem I just overcame.”

  9. Vani Murarka says:

    a woman would frequently claim
    that climax to her never came
    she roamed everywhere
    she looked for her share
    so ‘vagabond virgin’ her name

  10. Chris Papa says:

    A hermit would frequently claim,
    “Necrophilic Dave” was his name,
    In cave he would keep,
    Whores in final sleep,
    Cash saving his ultimate aim.

  11. rbasler says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    She had starred in the film, “Auntie Mame”
    I must burst her bubble
    She was just a stunt double
    And we all know that isn’t the same

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    His gal stopped playing the game.
    It was only a fling
    Yet she wanted a ring.
    With a smile down the aisle he came.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    Her boyfriend drove her insane.
    All he wanted was sex
    It continued to vex
    Till the wedding day she could proclaim.

  14. Willy Turner says:

    MadKane you may frequently claim
    To be the Head Limerick Dame.
    Your rhymes they are cute and
    You are so astute and
    Well deserving of such august fame.

    And then there is our Nancy Schimmel
    Whose verses disperses pure Himmel.
    Yes, I do mean Heaven;
    Don’t believe me–ask Kevin
    Or that comedy guy Jimmy Kimmel.

    I remember old Jim with Ben Stein
    And a show I thought top of the line.
    Ben’d give you a chance
    To take dough from his pants;
    But the odds of you winning were Nein.

    Stein, line, chance, pants, nein: Oy Gevalt!
    Such a mish-mosh, it’s worse than Gestalt.
    The best way to show
    And for you to know
    Is if we down a big glass of ge-malt.

  15. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A reunion refuted the claim
    That a fireman excelled at his game:
    A few tinders were sparked
    And his classmates remarked,
    “Why, he can’t even snuff an old flame!”

  16. scott says:

    A woman would frequently claim,
    Her husband was lazy and lame.
    I’m sorry, my dear,
    Now fetch me a beer,
    And let me get back to the game.

  17. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    That he felt he should dress as a dame
    But he went a bit far
    When he stole his wife’s bra
    And chose Tinker-Bell as his name.

  18. Rich D says:

    By weekly “likes” oft we can claim
    which limericks are best or most lame
    too early gets lost
    too late, timing’s cost
    no shot at the end of week fame

  19. Pollo deGoma says:

    A chicken went to baggage claim
    no luggage was there with his name
    he squawked and he clucked
    and said “God, we’re plucked!
    Now, let’s go see who to blame.”

  20. Charley Simmons says:


  21. Charley Simmons says:

    A preacher would frequently claim
    He led a pure life without shame
    He was seen just by chance
    Running home without pants
    An irate husband was to blame.

  22. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    That she was something of fame
    Like bigfoot or nessie
    Things always got messy
    She was quite the dame

  23. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    Superman and Kent were the same
    He didn’t want it known
    or his cover’d be blown
    So he screwed her and made Lois lame

  24. Jesse Levy says:

    A clam would frequently claim
    to be happy but just the same
    We can’t tell if he’s smiling
    But no bills for him piling
    Makes me think that’s how happiness came.

  25. Dog owners are oft heard to claim
    That their dog is just not to blame
    For making messes
    Jumping on dresses
    Belonging to old Auntie Mame

  26. Sue Dulley says:

    A sailor who sang used to claim
    That nothing was quite like a dame.
    To be more specific,
    The southern Pacific
    Lived tediously up to its name.

  27. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A drill sergeant backed up her claim
    That a skittish recruit was a shame:
    “He’s unfit for the service—
    Insecure, and so nervous
    That he fires before ‘ready’ and ‘aim’.”

  28. Hoot Gibson says:

    A parrot would frequently claim
    Its mistress never called it by name.
    “You want a cracker?”
    “I could just smack her!’
    “I just peck her: but, that’s not the same.”

  29. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    There’s an order of things, so they claim,
    And an order’s an order—the same
    In love and in war.
    And so we abhor
    That Fire precede Ready and Aim.

  30. Sue Dulley says:

    A hockey supporter who claims
    To root for the Calgary Flames
    Said “Talks were a knockout,
    They’ve ended the lockout –
    We may even see a few games!”

  31. Errol Nimbly says:

    Nice one Sue Dulley.

  32. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young woman frequently claimed
    She did’nt deserve to be shamed
    With the family’s curse
    Or even what’s worse
    The kid’s father going unamed.

  33. Sue Dulley says:

    Thanks. I optimistically changed it to “may even win a few games” in the fb version.

  34. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Sorry, forgot the homonyms and homophones so correction :

    A young woman would frequently claim
    She did’nt deserve the shame
    Of the family’s curse
    Or what’s even worse
    Not knowing the kid’s fathers name.

  35. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Madam would frequently claim
    Palindrome applied to her name
    Such as Radar and Rotor
    Kayak, Rotavator
    Read from each end and saying the same.

  36. Tony says:

    An old quarterback repeated his claim
    for inclusion in the Hall of Fame.
    When they asked what he’d done
    he said, “Why, I’m second to none
    in intercepts thrown per game.”

  37. Sue Dulley says:

    A skater might modestly claim
    That cycling was not her best game
    But pumping the pedals
    Won many more medals
    And a place in the Sports Hall of Fame.

  38. kaykuala says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    She accorded that much disdain
    For men who sulked
    Childishly balked
    When told to be more restrained


  39. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Whatever the folk song may claim,
    The true story’s really quite tame.
    Oh sure, there was mountin’,
    But say those who were countin’
    She rode ONE horse, no more, when she came.

  40. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    The problem was not with his aim.
    The toilet’s are smaller
    And I’m getting taller.
    “Have you,” asked his wife, “any shame?”

  41. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    He wasn’t the goat of the game.
    “You see, I’m a cripple.
    Couldn’t leg out the triple.”
    Of course we retorted, “That’s lame!”

  42. Claudia says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    that fun is a part of the game
    and when she lost
    she would def. toss
    the chess board out into the rain

  43. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lady would frequently claim
    That she sang the lead role in “Mame”
    But the sound of her voice
    Gave no-one any choice
    But to tell her to get a new game.

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now Madeleine would frequently claim
    That her first lines were never to blame
    And as hard as she’d work
    Not to “stymie or irk”
    It came out exactly the same.

  45. Errol Nimbly says:

    A cleric came forth with the claim:
    “I’m the only one knowing God’s name.”
    This most fervent conviction
    Sparked doctrinal friction–
    And soon, he just burst into flame.

  46. Sue Dulley says:

    A pop group from Sweden would claim
    That singing good songs was their aim
    Dancing queens had a ball,
    These winners took all
    And the name of the game became fame.

  47. JulesPaige says:

    A ‘Stinky’ Limerick …

    A woman would frequently claim
    The vapors, removing herself from blame
    She became quite astute
    When the urge rose to toot…
    The gents though – they had no such shame

    (c) JP/davh

  48. Hoot Gibson says:

    C. Simmons is most glad to claim
    Tenor banjo is his claim to fame.
    He plucks or he strums.
    (Whichever mood comes.)
    With a fifth string, it changes the game.

  49. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    To have no intention to frame
    A man in her snare
    But let’s be aware:
    All that would be lies without shame!

  50. Eugene Fedorov says:

    Some christian would frequently claim
    Salvation as their only aim
    While keeping to sin
    Ambitious to win
    In fight for renown and fame

  51. Historians frequently claim
    On the Romans, we, sin tax can blame
    At each bacchanalia
    A bean counter trailed ya
    To note if you went or you came

  52. A woman would frequently claim
    Her allegiance to old ‘Nottur’ Dame
    But for now, as of yet her
    Poor Irish are better
    On paper than during the game

  53. A fellow would frequently claim
    That all women he knew were the same
    Always early he’d wait
    With concern for each date
    And thank god if they finally came

  54. A fellow would frequently claim
    Everyone gets a few minutes fame
    His tomato soup can
    An art movement began
    Giving him a much longer acclaim

  55. A fellow would frequently claim
    There’s a virtue to ‘ready, fire, aim’
    But to me it just sounds
    Like you’ve got lots of rounds
    And you’re not concerned whom you could maim

  56. Craig says:

    The courts ruled against the guy’s claim
    That what he called “new rice” was the same.
    Said the judge “What you eat
    Would it not taste as sweet
    If arroz went by some other name?”

  57. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    There’s no team like old Notre Dame.
    They came in for a ride
    And went out with The Tide.
    Take you choice here, it’s Blame, Same or Shame.

  58. Claude Monet would frequently claim
    “As an impressionist, Camille’s quite lame.
    “Her register’s too low
    “For Marilyn Monroe,
    “And as for her Gloria Grahame …. !!”

  59. Sue Dulley says:

    A night owl would recently claim
    “Since New Year’s, my brain is aflame.
    Now most of the time
    I think only in rhyme
    And Madeleine Kane is to blame.”

  60. Luke Prater says:

    A woman in court made a claim
    that her husband eloped on a plane
    with a young man
    native Iran
    she had Lysistrata to blame

  61. Errol Nimbly says:

    A hunter would frequently claim
    Always making clean kills was his game.
    As a kid, a pet kitten
    He’d grievously smitten—
    Since then, he has been anti-maim.

  62. Don says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    the money he spent was to blame
    for the rise and the fall
    and whatever he would call
    the supply and demand game

  63. Don says:

    A man would frequently claim
    the money she spent was to blame
    for the frills and the thrills
    the pills and the bills
    that led to their financial pain

  64. brian miller says:

    a woman would frequently claim
    to be a world traveling dame
    go here or there
    with a toss of her hair
    but life turned out pretty lame…

  65. A woman would frequently claim
    That a dragon was easy to tame.
    When the town burned to ground
    Arson experts then found
    That a dragon breath flame was to blame.

  66. A woman would frequently claim
    That her dragon was easy to tame.
    They set off to the vet,
    Scared each person they met.
    Doctor’s waiting room emptied. A shame!

  67. The woman with dragon would claim
    Her dragon was never to blame
    When neighbors were harking
    No meowing, no barking!
    Her satisfied dragon belched flame.

  68. A cowboy would frequently claim
    That riding the herd left him lame
    But summoning Molly
    Or Polly or Dolly
    By golly he stiffened. They came.

  69. Rich D says:

    A kitten, his litter mates claim,
    swore often he’d never be tame.
    That all was nixed
    the day he was fixed
    but he says his fifth leg’s just lame!

  70. Manicddaily says:

    A lawyer would generally claim
    highest damage for suffering and pain–
    “Your arm got a break
    but your case I will take
    if only you also went lame.”

    Sorry. k.

  71. Rich (In Name Only) in Reno says:

    Thought it only fair that both sexes be represented.

    A woman would frequently claim
    That to sing “Mimi” in “La Boehme,”
    She had slept with Puccini
    And the young Toscanini
    To get the role. She’d had no shame.

    But to tell you the God’s truth, Morris
    She’d been a no-name in the chorus.
    True, the roles that she’d had
    Were in the sack, lad
    But her name ‘tweren’t “Maria;” ‘twas “Doris.”


    A fellow would frequently claim
    That ‘twas he set Chicago aflame.
    The raging inferno
    He’d started with “Sterno”
    And O’Leary’s cow, she weren’t to blame.

    Now most people would say with a laugh
    That the fellow, he was a Moon Calf
    Said they, “Lookie here, son
    In 1871
    Your grandpa, he was six and a half.

    So confronted with constant derision
    The young fellow made a decision
    After a bit of thinkin’
    He declared he’d shot Lincoln
    Without John Wilkes Booth’s supervision.

  72. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow did frequently claim
    Lengthy manhood which brought him great fame
    He’d show off his stuff
    Pose for pix in the buff
    But it wouldn’t fit into the frame

  73. Bill Klein says:

    A woman would loudly exclaim
    At great volume whenever she came
    But her man was a fool
    Who thought her a jewel
    ‘Til that night she cried out the wrong name


    The R’s and the D’s both claim
    That their parties are not the same
    But when it comes to the debt
    You can safely bet
    that each other, they both, will blame.

  75. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    That his shrew wasn’t likely to tame.
    So on Facebook he offered
    That guys who could boff her’d
    Gain limitless, unending fame.

  76. Tim James says:

    Ms. Bachmann once leveled a claim
    Of anti-American blame.
    It meant not a thing, but
    Like any good wingnut
    At long last, she’d no sense of shame.

  77. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    That his aim was to pillage and maim.
    The result of his hate?
    The Feds lie in wait,
    Which has earned him Republican fame.

  78. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A dear old lady took her claim
    To Pensions, 100 miles by train
    They said, “Birth date Shirley,
    is 5 minutes too early
    and were closing so come back again”

  79. A fellow would frequently claim
    That as neighbours we’re really the same
    Maple leaf and Old Glory
    The deal is, we’re sorry
    For Howie Mandel and his game

  80. Tim James says:

    Some athletes would frequently claim,
    “I’d never use steroids! That’s lame!”
    They resembled in bulk
    The Incredible Hulk.
    Too bad there’s no Drug Hall of Fame.

  81. Don says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    Disney’s sparkle she couldn’t explain
    When she was young and when she was old
    Her attention the magic kingdom would hold
    As a hopeful fantasy she wouldn’t tame

  82. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Gay would frequently claim
    That for Sodomy he wasn’t to blame
    It was just that in jail
    They’d made use of his tail
    So got used to the role play of Dame

  83. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A single mother submitted the claim
    She was bonked by the guard on a train
    Then had by the crew
    And the signalman too
    But enjoyed then and didn’t complain.

  84. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A loony would frequently claim
    He’d invented this idiot game
    He would ignite the hair
    On a lady’s affair
    And laughingly pee out the flame

  85. Sue Dulley says:

    A fire-breathing dragon would claim
    She liked to set custard aflame.
    The surface she’d scorch
    With breath like a torch
    Until creme brulee it became.

  86. Diane Groothuis says:

    An artist would frequently claim
    That his landscapes would get world acclaim
    But what burst his bubble
    Was when he had trouble
    To make the pic fit in the frame.

  87. Edmund Conti says:

    A poet would frequently claim
    That all of these poems seem the same.
    Much more than just some
    Have merely become
    What others before this became.

  88. Errol Nimbly says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    That one day she’d win big in a game.
    That’s the reason her motto
    Was, “Buy every lotto—
    They’re tickets to fortune and fame.”

  89. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A halfwit would frequently claim
    That his doodle had it’s own brain
    So to keep it real spruce
    He used the excuse
    To massage it each night till it came

  90. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Vocalist submitted a claim
    For career loss and testicle pain
    This budding young singer
    Caught his balls in the wringer
    Now his voice is Falsetto and lame.

  91. Kirk Miller says:

    A poor miner would frequently claim
    From divorce, his first wife soon became
    Very rich. The gold digger
    Stole mine’s deed; she would snigger.
    He would shout it real loud, his ex-claim.

  92. John Larkin says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    that he wasn’t the one you should blame.
    He admitted he’s using
    but not really abusing.
    We think his excuses quite lame.

  93. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    That her husband was solely to blame
    For the massive amounts
    In those Cayman accounts
    That were registered just in her name.

  94. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently claim
    There is nothing at all you can name
    That even compares
    To the womanly airs
    On a female-y, feminine dame.

  95. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently claim,
    Without hesitation or shame,
    That tax plays no role
    In the deficit hole,
    But spending’s entirely to blame.

  96. Dr. Goose says:

    Mr. Christie had put in a claim
    For a hurricane (Sandy, by name),
    Which his buddy, the Speaker,
    Delayed by a week or
    A month, to his evident shame.

  97. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    She could have any man you could name,
    And in fact, the consensus
    Of quite a few gents is
    Indeed yes, the lady’s got game.

  98. Edmund Conti says:

    A poet would frequently claim
    The secret to garnerng fame:
    Write the very last rhyme here
    Announcing that “I’m here!”
    And Mad K will light up your name.

  99. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Our mother would frequently claim
    That my brother and I were to blame.
    “You boys broke what encloses
    My painting of roses.”
    Together we cried: “It’s a frame!”

  100. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    That appearance should not win the game,
    But putting on makeup
    Would typically take up
    A chunk of her time, just the same.

  101. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    The director would frequently claim
    That I lost her account, but that’s lame.
    I did not try to screw her
    When told I should woo her—
    I never had skin in the dame!

  102. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A soldier would constantly claim
    That a baby had not been his aim.
    “’Cause my gun wasn’t loaded!”
    He insists when he’s goaded.
    (Seems vasectomy failure’s to blame.)

  103. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 96.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Crowing About Limericks.