Flashy Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was known for his flash…*
or
A gal who was known for her flash…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Flashy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was known for his flash
Wore only a violet sash.
He fell into a pool,
Soaked his blue-purple tulle—
Seems his outfit made rather a splash.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Clothing Humor, Fashion Humor, Limerick Contest, Naked Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Pool Humor, Swimming Humor, Writing Prompts
A man who was known for his flash
was sporting a most nasty gash
He got in a fight
sometime late last night
with someone who called his girl trash
A man who was known for his flash
would always show lots of cash
He exclaimed, “Oh, bugger!
I’ve encountered a mugger.”
He’s lucky the crook didn’t bash
his brains all out on the ground
You don’t flash your cash all around
You’re asking for trouble
with your sconce turned to rubble.
Please keep your dough tightly bound.
A man who was known for his flash
had bundles and bundles of cash
But it went up in smoke
with the last market hoax
Now the poor boy feels like an ash
A man who was known for his flash
decided to throw a huge bash
He said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin,
“Oops, the wrong limerick!”. Teeth gnash :)
A man who was known for his flash
Preferred to deal only in cash
When expressing his passion
In outlandish fashion:
This led to a most ghastly rash.
…
A man who was known for his flash
Reluctantly trimmed his moustache
He lost the left side
To piranha, on a boat ride
Obviously, a case of diaper rash…
A gal who was known for her flash
ComPLAINED they should outlaw white trash;
Told that it described her
[Muffintop, spikes, faux fur]
Retorted, Babe, I’ve got panache
In spades! Aw, admit you’re just jealous
It’s me who gets most of the fellas.
Sure, maybe in cars –
On bridges, in bars –
But ALL of ’em praise me as zealous.
A songbird who once has some flash
until he flew through “cloud hash”
found himself trying
to resume his flying
but thought it was cooler to crash.
A man who was known for his flash
Wanted a wife to sweeten his brash
He’d waited awhile
For someone worthwhile
So he offered Miss Sal big cash.
All we heard was a very loud crash
Followed by her shrieking tongue-lash:
“You try to beguile
But that takes real style
And you sir, have no real panache!”
A man who was known for his flash,
Bedded strippers he paid for with cash,
And it seemed for a while,
He was living in style,
Until he developed that rash.
A star who was known for her flash,
Wore a dress which was barely a sash.
Displaying her flair,
While practically bare,
She showed off her ass with panache.
A gal who was known for her flash
Used to drive with a certain panache.
With a wink and a smile
She would use all her guile
And just hope she had brought enough cash.
A man who was known for his flash
Used to drive with a certain panache.
With a twinkle in his eye
He’d perform a drive by
And then show all the ladies his stash.
A man who was known for his flash
Had a wife who was terribly brash
They squandered their savings
On ‘must haves’ and cravings
Most of which seemed to end up as trash.
A gal who was known for her flash
Had the nickname of ‘Lady Whiplash’.
From her quiet retreat
She was very discreet
But my, did she know how to thrash!
A gal who was known for her flash
Had a look that could turn men to ash.
She was quite the Hot Chick
And her actions were slick
As she carved up their lives in one slash.
A man who was known for his flash
On account of his handsome moustache;
As his wedding day loomed,
Had his gorgeous ‘tache groomed
So he could walk down the aisle with panache
a man who was known for his flash
was taken with quite a nasty rash
kept his coat closed
so you only see his nose
until time healed up his stash
Wish I could think these up quickly. Thanks for the visit :) Appreciated.
A gal who was known for her flash
When she danced at a frat was a smash
She took off her clothes
While all the guys rose
But fellas she said I want cash.
A man who was known for his flash
At a party revealed he had cash
He went for a dame
Of beauty and fame
But her beau punched him silly with one smash.
A gal who was known for her flash
Probably did something rash
Through an open kimona
this gal just had shown a
Perfectly trimmed bushtash
A man who was known for his flash
Sought celebrity parties to crash
When he saw John Travolta
He whipped out his Minolta
And soon ended up with cold cash.
A guy who was known for his flash
Went out to his pre-Wedding bash
They took off his suit
And his undies to boot
So he hid in the bin with the trash.
That songbird who once had some flash
And thought it was cooler to crash
Had all sorts of bling
Attached to his wing
Cos bling is much nicer than cash.
A guy who was known for his flash
Found himself without any stash
A reefer he sought
For he loved to smoke pot
But couldn’t score for lack of hard cash
A gal who was known for her flash,
caused quite a media splash.
When a small wardrobe slip,
showed the hair ’round her lip.
And I ain’t talkin’ bout her moustache.
A man who was known for his flash
Had suddenly run out of cash.
Once an inveterate party-goer with bravado
He remained at home, incommunicado,
‘Til he remembered his emergency stash.
A gal who was known for her flash
Came off the mountain and made lots of cash.
“It costs a lot to look this cheap!”
“I’ll always love you,” and “Your love I’ll keep”
Show the class of OUR Queen of White Trash.
A man who was known for his flash
And for acting, at times, somewhat brash
Threw open his poncho
To show his head honcho
Which, thusly unveiled, made a splash.
Ode to The Man in Black:
“Despite all the money you flash
Your Czechoslovakian bash
Won’t be held here – that’s right,
Johnny C’s on tonight
So we won’t accept Czechs, only Cash.”
On her webcam, her boobs she would flash
And her viewers would tip her with cash
But her cam worked the best
Pointed just at her chest
And away from her bushy mustache.
Craig, your Ode to The Man in Black had me laughing: what a great limerick :^D
Bahahaha! You guys are awesome. I love these. Okay here’s mine:
A man who was known for his flash
was too quick for the coppers to stash;
garbed only in skin,
his big, toothy grin,
and below a revolting mustache.
A man who was known for his flash,
Did not have much cash.
He stole for a living,
Taking and never giving,
Until one day he ended up on M.A.S.H.
A man who was known for his flash
In a costume of red he did dash
But this comic book hero
Touched things and like Nero
Burned everything down to an ash
A woman was known for her flash
A limerick weekly she’d dash
Post it on her website
Every Sunday at night
Then sit back and watch the whiplash
Then her readers all quick as a flash
With her first line did thrash
To show off their wit
With their own little bit
OF poetic limerick mishmash
This man was not known for his flash
But for his love unabash
At the end of his show
To the shadows he’d go
With a Good Night Mrs Calabash
I hope some of the readers remember this entertainer
A guy who was known for his flash
Into the alley did dash
But he had to stop
When he flashed a cop
and encountered a judge’s backlash
A gal who was known for her flash
would never wear clothes that could clash.
She brought what she’d need
in case she did bleed
if she happened to be in a crash.
A man who avoided the flash,
Made his mark in a ville we call Nash
With his hit “Boy Named Sue.”
He wore black, never blue.
Remember the great Johnny Cash.
A dude who was known for his flash
loved waving around lots of cash.
Then a gal with a smile
beguiled him awhile
and took off with most of his stash.
To block any use of the “Flash”
Was at first called an edict too rash,
But the iPhone took flight,
Based on Steve Job’s insight,
And now Apple is rolling in cash.
A humble homage to a wonderful character from my all-time favourite TV experience …
The Corporal known for his flash
Cross-dressing in colours that clash,
In that show without sequel
To which there’s no equal,
Was Maxwell Q Klinger from M*A*S*H
A man who was known for his flash
And, also, alas, for a rash,
Tried to make amends
Before countless friends,
Who preferred that he just offer cash.
Patience says;
A gal who was known for her flash
took a fancy to bangers and mash,
Largesse is her name,
her size is her fame,
Only cure is a diet called ‘crash’.
Prodigal says;
A guy who was known for his flash
sported a tie made of cash,
when the cash became tight,
strangled him in the night,
that’ll teach him not to be brash!
A man who was known for his flash
Was impressing the gals with penache
But could not turn the head
Of the bored girl who said
“If you mean it, then show us some cash.”
A gal who was known for the flash
Of her pearly white teeth needed cash
So she had ‘em all yanked
The gold fillings she banked
But now she has nothing to gnash.
A man who was known for his flash
Had to stop when he got a bad rash.
His last victim had mace
And she sprayed, not his face,
But below that… his junk is now trash.
A physicist known for her flash
Is bold, she is brassy and brash.
The men at the helm
She MUST overwhelm.
She loves to find Adams to smash!
It’s not that Mitt doesn’t have flash,
But it’s tied to his need to abash.
With his trend to disgruntle
A lobotomy frontal
Might be the best use of his cash.
Though the fellow is known for his flash,
He’s a little bit tight with the cash.
To keep his wife ready
For sales, before bed she
Must practice the forty yard dash.
I’ve notice male athletes don’t flash
Quite as much nether-regional trash.
Perhaps wearing more cloth
Than would fit on a moth
Is the key to a well-hidden stash.
A welterweight fighter, “The Flash”,
Was oft’ overheard to talk trash
On any occasion
That called for persuasion
Of boxers he set out to thrash.
A hero who’s known as The Flash
has powers of super-speed dash,
but alas and alack,
he’s not great in the sack –
he gives all his lovers whiplash!
A man who was known for his flash
with an overcoat, thought he’d be brash
with a cook, who said, “Hey!
put that sausage away,
or I might make it into a hash!”
My father was known for his flash
selling used cars – a certain panache.
He’d get folks to thinkin’
of a late-model Lincoln
instead of a ’56 Nash.
A man who was known for his flash
Invested and lost all his cash
His Italian Armani’s
In the Salvation Army
and abashed he rifles through trash.
——————————–
A man who was known for his flash
In the tabloids, made quite a splash
When he lit a cigar
at a swanky wine bar
It blew up, cov`ring him in ash.
—————————-
A woman known for her flash
Secretly liked to be lashed
While indulging one day
With her boyfriend away
The whip broke and she fell on her ass.
A swimmer known for his flash
Expected his friend he would he would thrash
But when it was done
The other guy won
Now you can hear his teeth as they gnash.
A swimmer known for his flash
Expected his friend he would thrash
But when it was done
The other guy won
Now you can hear his teeth as they gnash.
Flash Guru
A guru who was known for her flash
Fell in love with a man who was brash
Fold blinded with lust
She felt that she must
But she ran when he wanted a lash
Craig and Bruce, I am still laughing!
A man who was known for his flash,
Was inclined to flaunt more than his cash.
He thought that his gems
Lay above his pant hems,
No surprise that it earned him a smash!
A man who was known for his flash
Lost his fancy new car in a crash.
A lesson he learned,
When his eyebrows were burned
Now he’s not so inclined to be rash!
A man who was known for his flash,
Was so cheap he would dine and then dash.
His girlfriend of years
Was embarrassed to tears
Til she hauled off and gave him a bash!
A man who was known for his flash
Went through his allotment of cash.
Without Daddy’s help,
The unfortunate whelp
Is now dining on corned beef and hash.
Clearly I liked this prompt!
Looks like Romney is merely a flash
In the pan soon to (kiss my ass) crash;
After eight years of Bush,
That obscene talking tush,
Let’s say “shove it” to GOP trash!
Two film stars wives known for their flash
Got involved in an unsightly clash
They got out their claws
Pulled down each others drawers
Behaviour no better than trash.
A man who was known for his flash
At celebrity parties he’d crash,
Was known as a Nazi
Among paparazzi,
Whose cameras he’d frequently smash.
A man who was known for his flash
(That’s a miniature memory cache)
Would take from his pocket
A doodad and dock it,
Unleashing a CPU crash.
A man who was known for his flash,
As well as his bling and his cash,
Displayed a small Rolex
On each of his bollocks
And diamonds upon his mustache.
A man who was known for his flash-
In-the-pan antics tried something brash —
Braising food in his shed.
It caught fire; he fled.
So what’s left? Just a pane in the ash.
(Sorry, I’ve been otherwise engaged. Better late than never?)
A man who was known for his flash
Went to dunk with a spin and a crash,
But he went down in flame
In the championship game
When he tripped and fell flat on his ash.
A man who was known for his flash
Told the Queen, “Ma’am, please don’t think me rash,
But they’ll be in a tizzy
If Jumping Queen Lizzie
Would open the Games with panache.”
A gal who was known for her flash
Had a husband she needed to bash.
“You want me, I’m here.
First, finish your beer
And when you’re done take out the trash.”
(This one’s technically for DC’s Hizzoner Downtown Kwame Brown, but feel free to tweak it for the public felon of your choice.)
A pol who was known for his flash
Tricked his cars out with first-class panache.
He could strut and act fine
‘Til he had to resign
When exposed with too much hand on cash.
A gal who was known for her flash
Was pretty, well built and had cash.
While this is all true
She’s also a shrew.
Oh where is that darned chichevache!?
(An Ode to the Bawdy Bard of Baltimore:)
A man who was known for his flash
Cast himself in his musical smash.
His homage to Hitchcock
Came off without glitch. Cock
Implied. Sparkling Waters? A dash.
A photographer used a strong flash
That his subject at first thought too brash.
But the guy—dermatitic—
Was pleased, not a critic,
Upon seeing it cleared up his rash.
A poet was known for her flash
By ending each line with a dash–
Just master that trick
And like Emily Dick–
You’ll be famous without any cash.
(The Jackson Jive:)
A gal who was known for her flash
Pulled a stunt that was bound to abash.
“’Twas a wardrobe malfunction,”
She cooed with some unction,
Then winked as she raked in the cash.
A plumber bent over to flash
A new joint so the flow wouldn’t splash …
O Chasm! Crevasse!
O Unholy Ass!
O Cleavage! O Stygian Gash!
The Red Flash
A short bottle-blonde known to flash
Her tiny red panties (no sash):
Eye contact, sashay,
Skirt, Hike! “Big Boy, hey –
I’m drivin’ if you’ve got the cash.”
Well, Jimmy was broke but had nerves.
Assessing her legs, hair, tight curves,
In lust he pulled over,
“Hop in there, Red Rover!
You’re dinner: I’ll treat to hors d’oeuvres.”
She hoisted her raincoat, jumped in.
Eyes followed, then many a grin;
‘Nother “date” for Lenore,
Sure, a whore, but no bore;
Jimmy smiled: ah, a night of win-win.
He took her to Mickey’s nearby;
Once seated, caught barkeep Tom’s eye:
“You’ll pay for the sight
Of this sweet thing tonight.
At ten, be in back, you’ll see why!”
She strolled to the restroom at ten
At Jimmy’s strong urging, and then
Heard Tom’s pent-up sigh
And the zip of his fly:
“No freebies for YOU!” (“Come again?”)
A quick, slick, yet thorough transaction
Left Tom with a miniscule fraction
Of paycheck: “You’re lucky!
I could’ve been sucky
But outside’s the night’s main attraction.”
Smug Jimmy sat waiting, alert,
Some pocket cash sure couldn’t hurt.
Tom wandered out, dazed,
Lenore didn’t seem fazed –
She sauntered toward Jimmy, up! skirt
Of her raincoat: that flash of bright red
Went, as she’d planned, straight to his head…
“Babe, that hole in the wall
Where you look in the stall?
Tom paid cash: how will you pay instead?”
Jimmy blushed, crotch and brain both afire;
Broke and horny, revealed as a liar.
Blurted out, “I’ll wash dishes!”
She smirked: “I’ll be vicious:
You can clean the whole place, change my tire.
If there’s anything left of you then,
We can start up all over again.”
Jerked him up, they walked out.
…Lenore bent o’er the grout…
Jimmy’s scrubbing until she says when.
A man who was known for his flash
Chose a park for his disrobe-and-dash.
But he tripped and he stumbled,
And in poison oak tumbled.
The result, like his action, was rash.
A librarian, typing ‘Fiction (Flash)’
‘Stories (Short), ‘Desk (Issue)’, ‘Fine (Cash)’.
Screamed, “This stuff gets me down!
“Should be ‘Adjective, Noun’?!
“I quit!”… she left Wednesday (Ash).
A madam well known for her flash
Cut her price to a dollar per lash,
But it flopped – business waned:
Masochistics complained —
How’s a prick to feel pain with that slash?
A gal who was known for her flash
Had sex with a rapper for cash.
With the video clips
She planned to out-strip
Both Kims: Cattrall and Kardash.
I’ve been storing this while my internet was down. I hope it hasn’t gone off like the internet … *sniff, sniff*
A man who was known for his flash
With raincoat cast wide cut a dash,
Though most thought him silly
Exposing his willy,
Some girls would reward him with cash.
In Defence of The Humble Straggler …
“ALL STRAGGLERS IN!” comes the flash,
As we slave under threat of the lash!
But late ones – let’s credit it –
Should at least be well edited,
Being not just knocked off at a dash. ;)
A man who was known for his flash
Was responsible for lots of whiplash
Just one little smile
Could light up a mile
Of road, causing each car to crash
Thanks everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winners, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 73
But don’t worry. You can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Mistake.