How To Become An Insomniac
Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.
1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)
2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.
3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.
4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)
Tags: Funny Self-Help, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Insomnia Humor
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[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Become An Insomniac posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, saying, “A humorous how-to about insomnia.” [...]
It helps, too, if you develop an addiction to chocolate and coffee and have no self control
Right, Nelumbo. And don’t forget keeping odd “musician’s hours,” as I do and I presume you do, based on your URL.
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Become An Insomniac posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
I’m totally guilty of #3. I hope my child doesn’t need therapy later in life!
Here via Carnival of Family Life.
I used to have trouble sleeping until basic training (Air Force). Ever since I drop off in seconds.
So, to cure insomnia, join the Air Force.
Welcome local girl and Mike, and thanks for your comments!
I used to suffer from mild insomnia during my senior year in college. On the night of graduation, I slept like a baby; and thereafter no more trouble sleeping. As a matter fact, I can easily doze off within 3 minutes when bedtime comes. Strange, huh?
Amazing! I envy you.
All things medical - December 14, 2006…
All things medical - December 14, 2006 is up at RDoctor
……
The Last Personal Growth Carnival…
You read that correctly. This is the last Personal Growth Carnival for 2006. I’ve asked the regular submitters to send in their best article from 2006. I’ve put them at the top for you to read. Hopefully you’ve found a lot …
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Become An Insomniac posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
I’m totally a victim of #3! My parents used to make me go to bed at 7pm all the time! I can remember begging for them to let me stay up until 9pm! LOL… now i’m lucky if I fall asleep some time before 2-3am!
I Used To Just Stay Up For The Fun Of It..When I Was 10 I Used to watch cartoons all night until 6 or 7 in the morning. then run into my room before my mum woke up at 8.
not i cant go to sleep before 2ish.. if i try i cant fall asleep until 4-5.