UPDATE: NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE: JUNE 6, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern) [DUE TO NOT ENOUGH ENTRIES] Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RUDENESS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RUDENESS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 7, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 6, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my PEAK/PEEK/PIQUE-rhyme limerick:
As anxieties surge to their peak,
We are called on to try not to freak.
Yes, it’s tough for us all,
And our world seems so small,
But we’re neither alone, nor unique.
And here’s my RUDENESS-themed limerick:
A fellow would cut to the chase,
Saying “Get to the point,” with no grace.
Staffers hated his ’tude,
And his boss thought him rude.
As for women he chased — they used Mace.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Anxiety Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Dating Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Rudeness Humor, Workplace Limerick, Writing Prompts
“Rudeness and Peek” (double)
I know that your pub is unique
But tonight, I must stand up and speak:
Our duck is quite raw
Cuz I noticed and saw
That it gave us a rude Peking peek
“To get re-elected”, he said,
“I just gotta let this thing spread.
So week after week,
I’ll announce a new peak
Until every last Democrat’s dead.”
The Donald’s engaged in a feud
With Governors that he finds rude.
“You want Fed supplies?
Well, listen up, guys –
You better be nice to me, dude.”
Historical double-header (Coventry, 11th century):
Being neither a monk nor a freak,
At Godiva he just had to peek…
For Tom’s rude act of cheating,
He got such a beating,
He couldn’t sit down for a week.
I’d invited a girl home to “play”,
And it should have been my lucky day.
She was nude, she was rude,
But she never got screwed,
Since I had to stay six feet away.
Rude Awakening
Couple sunshine and Methylene blue
For COVID to suck on its due
Chlorine Dioxide
Yet no one has tried
Think Pharma – Oops that’s a rude clue.
They’re coming to get me Ha Ha
It’s the land of the free ‘so to speak’ –
Will land you in shtoch – up a creek
Snake oil the ‘free’ press
Call cure – all MMS
Do their darnest you don’t get a peak
No you can’t peak
but it’s my special day this week
Yes Mom but you taught us to remember
Anticipation like a burning ember
is part of the fun in life’s game of hide and seek
As the lockdown relaxes this week,
My gray hair’s sticking up in a peak,
All my frocks are too tight,
My complexion’s a fright,
And I haven’t a shred of mystique.
It’s all true, I admit it — but, dude,
Did you honestly buy me a snood?
And what’s this thing — a sack?
That’s no dress! Take it back…
No, you KNOW what? Go pack! You’re too rude!
That cooking show surely does pique
Our in’trest, (we watch it each week)
The “Vichyssoise Part”
Stated, “All chefs should start
By taking a very good leek”
A riddle (double)
Who am I? Obnoxious and rude,
I’m a liar, I’m racist, I’m crude.
I erupt every week
Into huge fits of pique …
Here’s a clue – I am bright-orange-hued.
The Donald said, “Sue, take a peek
Come admire my macho physique”
Then she told me real clear
“When I glanced at his rear
It looked like a battered antique”
The latest story to leak
Is another Trump fit of pique….
“I’ll not take the blame
If there’s someone to name
Who’s clearly spineless and weak.”
NOTE: Based on an event before coronavirus!
My little grandnephew (he’s three)
Was dismayed and astounded to see
That his loud eructation
And rank flatulation
Gained no adulation from me.
The virus already hit peak!
No, really! Stop looking so bleak!
Our shop’s open. Step in
with a big maskless grin.
Or you’re make California look meek!
Rudeness
It’s so difficult talking with you
You refuse to hear my point of view
Cuz you always but in
And I never can win
Can’t you wait till my sentence is through?
The hiker on top of Pike’s Peak
Was compelled to take a big leak;
Like a bad dream
The wind caught the stream,
And splashed it all over his cheek.
Colorado outdoorsman’s critique
Of a mountain is rather unique.
He dislikes it, although
It is famous, and so
He refers to the top as Pike’s Pique.
Happily ensconced in Wisconsin
Sits a gently old Swede. Einar Swanson;
Throws open the door
To the rich and the poor–
Except for that louse Ole Johnson.
A donkey whose ego was brass,
While munching Argentinian grass,
Stuck his nose in the air:
“I’m beyond all compare”–
No question, a real Pampas ass.
Said the Baron, directing a glare
To the peon who thought life’s not fair:
“Don’t blubber and whine,
What’s mine is all mine–
If you can’t survive I don’t care.”
He struggled to the mountain’s high peak
The guru’s guidance and wisdom to seek
But when he reached the summit
His spirits did plummet
The sign said “gone fishin’, back in a week”
As the bulge in his pants did protrude
She said you’re behaving most rude
You’ve already started
Yet my legs haven’t parted
You must first put a gal in the mood
A COVID LAMENT
Hey, lover, would you like a peek
At what you once touched every week?
Alas, it’s just Zoom,
And we’re not in the room
Where we’d each get the rush that we seek.
You would? Glad the answer is yes.
Just one problem: If it’s a success,
And you show me yours, too,
Doing all it can do,
Then the screens of our phones are a mess.
Journal entries at twentieth week:
Isolation brings on fit of pique!
Damn pandemic drags on…
Soap supply is long gone.
My dog, Havoc, continues to reek.
Most people would think it is dire
That Trump is an out-and-out liar.
The man at the peak
Should not be so weak,
He should be forcibly made to retire.
John thought he’d have a quick peek
At the activities due for next week.
What he found when he looked
Was he was all double booked
Which led to no small fit of pique.
Vicarious Voyeurism
When he heard the provocative squeak
From the bedroom, he chose not to speak
He could not see the beaus
But he saw his wife Rose
As she stood on her toes for a peek
So what! if the “seniors” all leak?
They’re content, cause they’ve all reached their peak
But OOPS! I’m not sure
Seems these Cougars want more
(I just happened to peek at the creek)
PEEK/PEAK/PIQUE
As I stand at the top of a peak
At most of the world I can peek
But no-one can see
What has happened to me
Which prevents them from showing their pique!
RUDENESS
I have to suggest that rudeness
Is socially better than lewdness.
If you’ve stopped wearing togs
When swimming past logs
The Scottish Loch then might be rude-Ness?
slight change in L5 (from today at 1:14 AM)
So what? if the “seniors” all leak?
They’re content cause they’ve all reached their peak
But OOPS! I’m not sure
Seems these Cougars want more
(I took a sneak peek at the creek)
Oh, those lady reporters are rude,
With their nasty and foul attitude!
We were all forced to witness
How gals scare Trump shitless:
They’re MEAN to that strong, manly dude!
Through the darkness we fumble and grope
Is it lynching without any rope?
Up on Oracle’s Peak
The one answer we seek
Is the future without any hope?
In the car their behaviour was crass
It had pulled out and started to pass
When a boy in the back
With contortionist knack
Dropped his droors as he showed me his … bum
No stranger to a fit of pique
Is the man at the USA peak.
Contemplating his vanity
And also his sanity
That gives you more than a peek.
During sex, when nearing the peak,
A sudden urge for a leak.
So I withdrew my dick,
Took a leak really quick,
Then blew her into next week.
I don’t care what you might think,
I think your views really stink.
Sane you are not;
You’ve in truth lost the plot
And I think your mind’s on the blink.
Alternative last line:
And I think you should see a shrink.
Though body shaming injured his pride,
Trump resolved to set vengeance aside.
So controlling his pique,
He turned the other cheek
But found that one was fully as wide.
Trump crazy has now reached its peak,
No future could be quite this bleak.
We’ve swallowed the pill,
And have bottomed the hill,
Oh wait, that’s not counting next week.
When Trump’s at the journalist’s throats
Or getting the med expert’s goats,
Is his rudeness the work
Of a maniacal jerk
Or Donald just sowing his oats?
The Words Of Death
On our drive, things were suddenly bleak
I started to shake and felt weak
Cuz we noticed a sign
That said, “Crafts By Design”
Then heard, “Honey, let’s take a quick peek.”
One thing about having to start
Positioning six feet apart;
Additional space
Offers this saving grace:
Identity blocked when you fart.
Mad: one limerick up: instead of “And my wife said, “Let’s take a quick peek”
Could you please change that to: Then heard, “Honey, let’s take a quick peek”
Thank you,
Lisi
*********
Done.
As her dance reached its physical peak,
Her kid brother called out this critique:
“Swing your butt side to side
In an arc high and wide!”
Yes, the twerp thinks her twerk needs a tweak.
“Off with their heads!” screamed the Queen.
Cried Alice, “That’s mean and obscene!”
“No, it’s not — it’s just rude,
’cause I’m in a bad mood.
You should see what gets lopped when I’m mean.”
A new guy- her tension reliever:
She offered to show him The Beaver.
Saying”here – take a peek;
And you’ll find what you seek.”
The book said his last name was Cleaver…
Pelosi unleashed a critique;
That Trump was just wimpy and weak.
On Twitter she found
That her message was sound;
She’d climbed to the top of his pique.
For Trump, who will vote No
And yes for Biden, his foe?
Will the polls give a peek
At how people will speak
Saying Trump has just got to go?
Trump’s tweets show as a rule
That he’s an incredible fool.
They give us a peek
At a man who is weak
Who likes to think he is cool.
Who the hell do you think you are
Driving like that in the car?
So it’s one in the night
And the traffic is light
But you never did ask your mama.
Donald Trump is a number-one creep
In doo doo, he’s got himself deep
He is just downright crude
Only time he’s not rude
Is when he is well fast asleep
These political times are so bleak.
The Donald shows nothing but pique.
Though not at all bold,
This act soon gets old –
The truth is he’s really quite weak!
acrostic
C arolina is not at all shrewd
R uns around with a crowd that is lewd
U ndresses at bars
D oes “the nasty” in cars
E ven Witless, her dog, knows she’s rude
Rudeness
I remember my Prof, Mr. Rose
Who was one of those scholarly pros
During each class
He would always pass gas
And use pencils to clean out his nose
better (Rudeness)
I remember my Prof, Mr. Rose
Who was one of those scholarly pros
At the start of each class
He would always pass gas
And used pencils to clean out his nose
There’s a new definition of “rude”
(If you do this, you’ll really be screwed)
At the grocery store
There will sure be a war
If you cough, while you’re buying your food
second version
There’s a new definition of “rude”
(If you do this, you’ll really be screwed)
At the grocery store
You’ll be kicked out the door
If you cough while you’re buying your food
Said the Judge, “You’re an impudent floozy —
a churlish, impertinent doozy!”
“Do go on,” said the wench
while she stood at the bench,
“as compliments go, I ain’t choosy.”
A rude Pennsylvanian would roast
Southern Civil War leaders. He’d boast:
“Rebel gen’rals, you see,
Led incompetent-LEE.”
But he’s now moved to Georgia. He’s toast.
New York is an in’tresting town
The folks have a very strange frown
The cliche that they’re rude
Has been so misconstrued
It’s just that you’re slowing them down
The most worthy goal I pursued
Was learning to be very shrewd
I enrolled in a school
Called “Gang’stas Are Cool”
And was taught to be properly rude
He said, “I have got some physique
It is one that is truly unique
My erection’s so high
When you see it, you’ll die”
(I was piqued when I peeked at his peak)
Second Version
He said, “I have got some physique
It is one that is truly unique
My erection’s so high
You just can’t pass it by”
(I was piqued when I peeked at his peak)
Mea culpa! Why didn’t I peek
at my calendar early last week?
Missed the twelfth day of May —
National Limerick Day!
(I should be paddled, then thrown in sh*t creek).
When ’The Trump’ and his company speak
Of a virus that’s passing it’s peak
I hear Obe Wan say
In his Star Warsy way
People, “these aren’t the droids that you seek
A Twofer:
Well, I once had a fling with a freak
And her fetish was fairly unique
She was awesome in bed
But what filled me with dread
Was when Polly her parrot would peak
Cuz, not only did Pollyanne peak
But my paramour taught her to speak
She’d say “Squack!” And “Oh blast
Don’t you want this to last?”
And, I’m not touching that with my beak!
“Open up!” screams the mob, right on cue,
And they really don’t care whom they screw.
They’re aggressive and rude
‘Cause they want sit-down food
Plus a haircut, massage, and tattoo.
These are things make me wanna go “eek!” :
When that zit on my nose grows a peak.
Being chewed on by fleas.
Getting sprayed with a sneeze.
Catching earfuls of noxious Trump-speak.
A four-letter word can be rude
And sometimes can be misconstrued.
I’ll give you a sample,
A real good example,
‘Cause OPEC connotes something crude.
“Kiss my ass!” Peter shrieked in fake pique.
So obligingly, Mel, who is meek.
Felt compelled to submit
And to lick it a bit–
Unaware it was all “tongue in cheek.”
“Ahem – I don’t mean to be rude,
But please trust me: I’m not in the mood.”
“Oh, come on, now, I know
That you want it – and so
I’ve a God-given right to intrude.””
Many rodents will munch on your food
Some are selfish, disgusting, and crude
Most will gnaw and will chew
I once knew a mouse who
Ran away with a rat who was rude
It’s a sin to let anyone peek
At my badge for “Submissive And Meek”
This magnificent prize
Is a real teensy size
And sure proves I’m “The Man Of The Weak”
In my heart I’ve a terrible pain
When will I see my grandson again?
We’re over the peak
So why not next week
Before I go completely insane!
Yet another Trump fit of pique
Occurred at the White House this week.
The Obama portrait
Will stay in its crate
As Trump refuses a peek.
Once Bitten, A Hundred Times Shy
She had him cupped nicely in cheek
When he opened his eyes for a peek:
Oh, babe, don’t stop now,
Then – too loudly – yelled, Ow!
She bit down: miles around heard the shriek
(Dick’s dick’s shorter, he’s known as a freak
But keeps quiet; perhaps a small squeak).
Gotta Bump Trump: Dump the Chump
Our C-in-C revels in rudeness
And constantly shows off his crudeness.
If he had half a brain
He might choose to refrain,
But no. I like to call him His Dudeness.
How he got there, I still feel amazed
At the number of voters who, crazed,
By God knows what delusions
Bought into illusions
Chief Liar razz-dazzled. Unfazed
By the hatred he sows in his wake,
Undisturbed by this fool on the take,
They still fixate on “ME!”
Bias, selfishness, glee…
COVID, clean up! A new world we’ll make!?
(He won’t bend, so the bastard we’ll break.)
A French dictionary frequently aids,
Bridge-players have known for decades,
So when Trump, so to speak,
Throws “pique” after “pique”,
You’ll know that he has them “in spades”.
A limerick ought to be rude,
Salacious, suggestive and lewd,
But not vulgar; when stuck
For a rhyme, don’t use ‘fuck’ –
That’s too obvious a word, and too crude
He swung by her house for a peek
Through her window each day for a week.
But she caught him today
And they hauled him away.
There’s no paddle for him up this creek.
We used to do it three times a week
But now our sex life has passed its peak
She’s lost her ardour
I must try harder
And maybe try out a new technique
There was an extremely rude Peke
Whose libido outstripped his physique.
To get off his (small) rocks,
He’d hump ankles in socks
And the legs of fine furniture (teak).
The young man reached his peak
About it, he begin to tweek
His loving is silicone
That it reaches the bone
In his dreams, that’s what he seek
The old man spoke to a boy
Who walks away feeling annoy
Put his ear plugs in
Then snatched away his chin
Being rude is no easy decoy
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
I’m a Luddite, a lazy old chap.
High-tech smart phones? I don’t give a rap.
But my int’rest would peak
If some talented geek
Wrote a program to download a nap.
I’m no Christian and shouldn’t intrude —
But Trump’s “church” stance is making me brood.
If, as Matthew opined,
Blind should not lead the blind,
Should the rude now be leading the rood?
“Beat the whites till they form a soft peak” —
She bought twelve eggs each day for a week,
But they never did get
To the shape of her pet,
The soft little Peke, Mr. Zeke.
UPDATE: NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE: JUNE 6, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern)
[DUE TO NOT ENOUGH ENTRIES]
FYI, Here are the last ten blog contest entry counts, going backwards from the current one:
89, 117, 163, 136, 108, 114, 128, 125, 139, 157
It bounces around a bit, but the trend is disheartening.
[NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE … DUE TO NOT ENOUGH ENTRIES]
“One more week!” Mad decrees. “It won’t do!
The entries are still far too few!”
Well, I won’t mention “greed”,
But how many d’you need?
You’ve already received ninety-two!
*****
From MBK:
FYI, Here are the last ten blog contest entry counts, going backwards from the current one:
89, 117, 163, 136, 108, 114, 128, 125, 139, 157
It bounces around a bit, but the trend is disheartening.
This contest has not reached its peak
As MadKane more entries does seek
Though I don’t know why
She let the deadline pass by
As mine was the best of the week !
Your submission count’s looking bleak
Like a pulse rate growing too weak
So here is one more
To help up the score
Surely this one stands at the peak
Please file under ‘Rudeness’.
Eighty-nine? That’s not playing the game.
It suggests we’re indifferent – cry shame!
Of course, COVID nineteen
May have dulled the odd bean,
And seclusion have stifled the flame?
My boyfriend at school was real chic
So handsome, so stylish, (unique)
We were always discreet
In the locker we’d meet
In order to play “hide and peek”
I have to confess that I’m smitten
With Piers on Good Morning Britain
Some say he’s so rude
But I’d say just shrewd,
Underneath as soft as a kitten
My mama collected Belleek
(Irish crystal, no stemware could peak)
The goblets, for gin
Except for the kin
Who drank brewski right down by the creek
Mad: above limerick: could you please change L5
“right down by the creek” to “way down at the creek”
Thank you, Lisi
They think virus is well past it’s peak,
so going out’s all hide and seek.
You’re always at task
to spot all without mask
and want to pass you cheek to cheek!
Humdrum deadlines of late are suspended.
Some rescheduled, delayed, or upended.
But of stays most unique,
we stand proud at the peak —
our own Limerick-Off’s been extended!
The contestants are not at their peak
And Mad has declared her critique:
“Don’t write just a few
Cuz a few will not do
Or the same thing will happen next week”
My life is much better, I find,
If I’m courteous, thoughtful and kind.
You, who label me rude:
Shove your dumb attitude
Up your BIG STUPID STINKY BEHIND.
It’s Trump’s tried and tested technique:
When he tweets and arouses our pique,
He’s making a bet
We’ll completely forget
What he tweeted the previous week.
Interrupting, he started to speak;
Igniting her own fit of pique.
And that’s how it went
With their stay-at-home vent;
To kick off another great week.
A conceited young fellow named Ruud
Wore a blindfold whenever he screwed,
For the tiniest peek
At his own taut physique
Made him jealous, and ruined the mood.
Well, here goes my lim’rik, (don’t peek)
Cuz it’s boring, not clever, nor chic
It’s a ploy just to boost
What last week had produced
So we won’t all be up the damn creek
An Athenian gal showed her pique
(When I tried for a kiss) with a shriek.
Then “Μαλάκα!” said she
As she glowered at me.
I’d respond, but to me it’s all Greek.
(Copy and paste Μαλάκα! into Google Translate)
“Your eyes are so fine — but your mask
Is so frustrating! Please, may I ask
You to just let me peek
At your lips as you speak?”
She said nothing. (She only spoke Basque.)
I couldn’t believe it, how rude!
Soaking up the sun in the nude
On the beach he lay
His bits on display
Whilst onlookers aahed and oohed
I’m sorry that I took a peek.
At your ugly wives, left butt cheek.
Because it was so flat.
Just like a doormat.
That the sight left me sickly for weeks.
I’m sorry that I took a peek.
At your ugly wives, left butt cheek.
Because it was so flat.
Just like a doormat.
That I was left sick for a week.
The future seems barren and bleak.
My Covid is reaching its peak.
The hunger’s bad too.
It’s the wrong thing to do
but off to the market I sneak.
That sneezing uncovered is rude!
I repeatedly lecture my dude.
We expect the danger
to come from a stranger.
In this case, contagion’s home-brewed.
I’m stomping around in a pique.
Some people just called me a geek.
Though I wear black glasses
and ace all my classes,
I consider the evidence weak.
I’m stomping around in a pique
cuz that rude chick just called me a geek.
I yank off my glasses
and cut all my classes
in the hopes that she’ll shut her beak.
Based on a true story:
His medical case was unique.
He’d battered and bruised his physique.
He shattered his head,
they left him for dead.
The man tried to sled down Pike’s Peak.
I lifted the sheet for a peek
but his body’s starting to reek.
I murmur goodbyes
and close both his eyes.
The corona took him last week.
The back of my pants sprung a leak.
That would make most people freak.
I could hide it much better
if my waist sports a sweater,
tightly tied to thwart folks who peek.
I’m stomping around in a pique.
She’s extended the deadline a week.
Yet I can’t start a feud
or appear to be rude
cuz this chick’s inclined to be meek.
It feels like I’m doing time
when I slave at the same tired rhyme.
If I hear the word “peak”,
I will utter a shriek.
I consider postponement a crime.
The rebellion is picking up speed.
I believe there’s a ref’rence to greed?
I don’t mean to be rude
but consider it, dude.
Perhaps ninety is all that you need.
I dare not venture a peek
when the contest ends in a week.
If the poets are slacking,
our Mad will be quacking,
and I don’t think that she’ll shut her beak.
I’m stomping around in a pique.
I tear out my hair and I shriek.
I need this to end
so consider it, friend.
The extension should just be one week.
Some folks do things that are rude
and frankly, I’m not in the mood.
I won’t name any names
but she’s playing games.
I retreat to my corner to brood.
Oh, please, Mad, stop in for a peek!
I’ve been on a copying streak.
I’ve put in nine or ten
so your blog’s stocked again.
Now on to the new contest queek!
By “copying streak”, I mean I’m copying my own limericks off FB. Now there are more total than the last entry period.
Mad’s nursing her own little pique
or maybe I’m speaking in Greek.
I hope for an answer
ere I die from my cancer.
I call this the “hard sell” technique.
More and more like a petulant child
Displaying behaviour that’s wild
Trump hits a new peak
With his action to seek
Twitter regulations be filed.
I don’t know if this qualifies as rudeness?
There is one rule for me
And another for others you see.
As President I can
Enact a ban
And make Twitter leave my tweets be.
(Here’s one that appeared in this week’s ‘Light’.)
Donald’s mood is far worse than mere pique;
He’s so angry, he barely can speak.
“I rely on Fox guys
To support all my lies,
But they said something TRUTHFUL this week!”
Well, I make it 130 so far …
Here’s a good way for numbers to peak
It’s a plan that is truly unique:
Find some hot guys who’ve skill
Say you’ll give them a thrill
If they’ve got a good metered technique
With oxygen scarce at the peak,
I find myself laughing till weak,
getting giddy when Hyrkas
goes gaily berserkus,
and Tim James begins swearing in Greek!
“The Tale of May 23, 2020”
The contest did not reach its peak
Mad felt hopeless cause things seemed so bleak
Her scalp was quite red
Mark squealed when he said,
“She’s been pullin’ her hair out all week”
I’m kind of thrilled to be in your limerick, Sjaan! Yes, I am frustrated and at least semi- berserkus. I wrote twenty-nine limericks on the FB page. I didnt have any on here due to posting problems. But, Mad, just the afternoon before judging, you posted “get your limerick stragglers in.” If the numbers were significantly down, you must have known it then. Why not a heads-up at that time? I would have done what I did later, tried and succeeded in posting on the blog. I copied in 15 of the 29.
I kind of feel that you’re taking the talent for granted a little, sentencing us to two more weeks of the same old- same old. I wrote 29 and “I’m ready to move on.” If anyone else agrees, won’t you please say so?
*****
From Mad Kane:
It’s so lovely to be appreciated! (Sarcasm intended.)
Dee, you feel “taken for granted?” You’re “ready to move on?”
Then by all means, feel free to move on to some other ongoing limerick contest. And good luck finding one!
I meant move on to the next theme. I didn’t mean not participate. But if u want me not to, that’s fine.
****
From Mad Kane:
Makes no difference to me. Choice is yours.
I’ve already outlived my prognosis by four months. Part of my reward for doing this is a fresh challenge. I guess I just get frustrated because I feel like I may not have that much time.
*****
From Mad Kane:
Sorry to hear about your health issues.
For Dee Hyrkas–
I got such a kick out of your “mad” scramble to help fill the limerick void! I mean this all in good fun and only hope that, since I don’t know how to pronounce Hyrkas, I didn’t dishonor it with a mis-rhyme. The tail end of my own surname rhymes with ‘odor’, so I may be in for it! :)
As for Mad’s request for MORE!, I think it’s proving to be an excellent wake up call for the poetic muse. Although I suppose your own muse must be exhausted after 29 limericks!
Sjaan, you actually rhymed my name perfectly. I always feel my name should be easy to pronounce but a lot of people have trouble with it. I just tell them it rhymes with circus.
I’ll throw five cents into the pot with tongue-in-cheek rudeness
I’d venture that the name Hyrkas
Is a possible rhyme with circus.
Though he has no renown
At being a clown,
We can see what going berserk is.
P.S.. I wrote this before I saw Sjaan’s offering
What is it constitutes rudeness
Bad manners, arrogance or lewdness,
Or the Capitalist kind
Robbing other folks blind
Under the byword of shrewdness?
Trump’s complaint against Twitter
Is sardonic, twisted and bitter.
And gives a new peek
At his inferior streak
That shows he’s an ornery critter.
So are our limericks your intellectual property? Not that I’m imagining there’s a big demand for them. But I’m wondering how that works.
*****
From Mad Kane
I make no intellectual property claim on other people’s limericks. Each limerick writer owns the copyright on his/her own creations.
Any other issues/complaints you’d like to raise?
“What new hell doth Calliope wreak?
All the songs I now sing end in ‘pique’!”
That’s what Orpheus said
as he danced in my head.
(Would have much preferred Zorba the Greek).
I was stripped to the buff – that’s the nude,
By my medical team to be viewed.
Once they’d prodded and stared,
With one voice they declared,
“We’re delighted to tell you, you’re rude.”
This hooker could sense what you seek.
And so she did that with her Sheik.
While men came and went,
And each left well spent,
Her Sheik paid her well to just peek.
Peeping Tom was a rude little sneak
Always snatching an illicit peek
At girls in the raw
And guess what he saw?
Tits and bums with a lot of fat cheek.
Two old biddies, adoze on the beach,
Were aroused upon hearing a screech.
Frightful sight! Naked bloke;
One old dear has a stroke,
But too slow, second biddy can’t reach.
Well I think it’s rude. Hee, hee.
A Word To The Wise.
Voyeurism means having to stare,
So, lascivious fellow, beware!
Furtive glances may pique
And redound on the sneak,
In which case you’ll be minus a pair.
Lady G wanted Tom to enjoy.
“After all, he’s a pubescent boy.
We’ll permit him to peek,
While conducting our streak,
But permission denied, hoi polloi!”
In response to Diane’s acid plaint,
Peeping Tom was, most likely, a saint!
So he had a sneak peek,
Got an eyeful of cheek;
If the heart remains pure, where’s no taint?
Just for fun, Diane. X
A Limeriddle?
Two Hillarys — neither one meek —
shared a passion alike yet unique:
for so long each had nursed
a desire to be first.
But just one of those ‘Hills’ reached the peak.
In response to Diane’s acid plaint,
Peeping Tom was, most likely, a saint!
So he had a sneak peek,
Got an eyeful of cheek;
But a man pure of heart – where’s the taint?
Wasn’t entirely happy with the last line.
The Riot Act
She said, in a small show of pique,
I’m okay with the fact you’re a freak;
When you suck on my toes,
We both know how that goes –
It’s all great til you let out your shriek.
It just makes me rise right off the bed,
Like last night when I hit my head!
Have you not heard of quiet?
You really should try it,
Or I can get straight sex with Ed
(If he’s busy, there’s always Big Fred).
More Couth, Forsooth
There was a young farmer named Bucky
Who hailed from the state of Kentucky.
One night, wanting to *uck, he
Faux pas’d (approach sucky).
Now sheepish, things ain’t looking ducky
(No time soon will Bucky get lucky).
Police, Police Yourselves
I sit with my cats in my lap,
TV on (Minnesota: more crap…).
Yep, race hatred’s a’thrive
Spurred by Thump and his jive :(
Sure, this poem’s weak – still, made ya peek!
First I say, “Well, of course, take a peek”
Then I call him a “dirty old sneak”
Then I whisper, “You’re hot
But in truth, you are not”
(I call this my “bitchy mystique”)
The comics today are real crude
They put me in such a tense mood
I recall those “old days”
They had fabulous ways
To be funny, without being rude
“Place your hands on the back of your head!”
These are words we have all come to dread.
‘All I did – let me speak!
Was take one little peek –
What? Oh, yes, sir, I brought my own bed.’
He turned on the TV and stewed;
His spokesperson failed to allude
To his greatness and all.
Then reporters she’d call
And not be sufficiently rude.
A fellow was quite impolite
To a Twin Cities cop Friday night.
He was carrying pot
So he could have been shot.
But he wasn’t; it turned out all white.
She said with incredible pique
How nasty to say I’m a freak
When the size of YOUR nose
Is as large as it goes
And your ugliness is most unique.
He sat on Mt Everest peak
Where the wind and the snow were quite bleak
Saying “If it gets colder
Before I’m much older
My testicles will start to speak”
He sat on Mt Everest peak
Where the wind and the snow were quite bleak
Saying “If it gets colder
Before I’m much older
My testicles will start to squeak”
“Quite apart from the fact that you’re crude,
That your speech with expletives is strewed.
What has irked me the most
Is contempt for our host,
And this striding around in the nude!”
“Quite apart from the fact that you’re crude,
That your speech with expletives is strewed.
What has irked me the most
Is contempt for our host,
And cavorting around in the nude!”
Cavorting is richer, don’t you think?
“One accepts that one’s public is crude,
That one may, on occasion, be booed;
But one does not expect
Such a lack of respect
When performing one’s part in the nude.”
“No, I fear that M’lud’s misconstrued
And allowed a false view to intrude.
What I’m trying to say,
What I mean to convey,
Is, your lordship’s perception is skewed.”
Rudeness, but with style.
In an English court, the judge is referred to as, my lord. (M’lud)
A Minor improvement.
“I’ve accepted you’re vulgar and crude,
That your speech with expletives is strewed;
What I will not condone,
Is the insolent tone –
And cavorting around in the nude.”
Okay! You’ve got me. The truth is, I’m much taken with the cavorting.
“First, the beverage of choice must be brewed,
After which we will, no doubt, get stewed.
At this point, we may fight,
Or, sing songs through the night,
Which, without an exception, are lewd.”
Twas a stormy and darkening week
And the protests are far from their peak
Cuz a token arrest
With their voices repressed
Won’t address what the activists seek
Used to read this to my Kindergartners back in N.J.
(by Eve Bunting)
It’s story time; let’s take a peek
Baby Elephant just loves to seek
Her Mama won’t fail
To offer her tail
And teach her ’bout critters, “Tweak Tweak”
(Mama elephant told baby, “Just tweak my tail twice and I’ll teach you about all the creatures along our journey)
A performer refusing to speak?
Pantomime as an art may be weak.
But a mime in a box
Made of glass, with real locks
Takes hilarity right to its peak
Oops!
name of story book by Eve Bunting is “Tweak Tweak”
His ardor was reaching a peak
He’d been surfing the PornHub all week
Swiping left more than right
On the triple X site
He’s a virtual jerk, so to speak
There’s a woman in Queens, have you guessed?
Puts our limerick skills to the test
If at her you feel pique
Or the urge to critique
Just remember she’s doing her best
So, don’t gripe, grumble, grouse, and don’t brood
Don’t be churlish, self-centered, or rude
I must say this because
We all love what she does
And don’t like when her good work is booed
Come one day you shall see,
You are they and they are thee.
When into your mind it does sneak
And affords you with a peek,
That thought shall then set you free.
Well, I think it’s rude…
So well make America great
By division and increasing hate.
Well suppress all the blacks
By reducing our tax
While becoming more a police state.
Forgot apostrophes
So we’ll make America great
By division and increasing hate.
We’ll suppress all the blacks
By reducing our tax
While becoming more a police state.
So’s this rude… (Tear gas to disperse protesters from in front of closed church in park across the road from WH.)
Move all the people away
While I go to church and pray.
No it’s not a stunt
Designed to affront
See I carried my good book today.
“Oh, that Trump were a thing of the past!
As Commander in Chief, he’s miscast.
We should focus our hopes
That electors, the dopes,
Will have come to their senses, at last!”
It’s about DT, ergo, it’s about rudeness.
Alexa’s new skill will include
An effort to lighten the mood.
Proclaiming her stress
With the buttons you press;
“Don’t touch me there – you are so rude!”
From his bunker, King Trump risks a peek…
Then utters a terrified shriek:
“The election’s suspended!
Democracy’s ended!
I just saw a PROTESTOR! Eeek!!”
With the warm smell of gas in the air
And his badly bruised psyche laid bare
To avoid looking weak
In perpetual pique
He advanced across T̶i̶e̶n̶a̶n̶m̶e̶n̶ Lafayette Square
As a mid-eighties programming geek,
I learned how to POKE and to PEEK;
But the girls I’d been seeking
For “poking” and “peeking”
Dismissed me as some sort of freak.
Fast-forward — and what do we do?
Use computers to hook up and screw,
While nerds like Bill Gates
Have such beautiful mates…
What happened? I haven’t a clue.
(Guess I’m just BASIC.)
He called me “detestable dude”
Who was “vulgar and totally crude”
Then he said I was “nuts”
Just a “nasty old putz”
And that’s when I lapsed into rude
“Grab a Bible, a church, and a cop,
and a camouflage outfit — chop-chop!”
When they heard Kushner speak —
his excitement at peak —
they all knew that it meant Photo Op!
Rudeness, Thy Name Is Trump!
To give those of his ilk a bad name,
Is enough, in itself, to bring shame;
But to lower the tone
To a class all his own,
Is a feat only Donald can claim.
While tending a gardening chore,
A T-shirt is all that he wore.
His bent-over stance
Drew a passerby’s glance;
An asshole she tried to ignore.
High School Rudeness
I try very hard, with persistence
To make friends, but they all keep their distance
I’m just not in their clique
And it sure makes me sick
That the cool girls ignore my existence
Rudeness: Keep the park clean, please!
Whenever I feel a nice breeze
I like to sit under the trees
But, at times there’s a smell
That sure makes me unwell
Is it dog poop, or Limburger cheese?
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Gee! Wasn’t it only last week?
My dreams let me have a small peek:
A hashtag was pound
Folks gathered around
And I wasn’t a vintage antique
Excuse me if I must peek.
At your admirable sisters butt cheek.
I was just thinking maybe?
That she could have my baby.
I believe I just sprung a leak. She leaves me feeling so weak.
With Corona now hitting its peak,
The voices in my head are quite bleak,
A cure in the offing,
Would help stop the coughing,
That only I hear on repeat!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 445. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Sink.