UPDATE: NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE: JUNE 6, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern) [DUE TO NOT ENOUGH ENTRIES] Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RUDENESS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RUDENESS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 7, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 6, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my PEAK/PEEK/PIQUE-rhyme limerick:

As anxieties surge to their peak,
We are called on to try not to freak.
Yes, it’s tough for us all,
And our world seems so small,
But we’re neither alone, nor unique.

And here’s my RUDENESS-themed limerick:

A fellow would cut to the chase,
Saying “Get to the point,” with no grace.
Staffers hated his ’tude,
And his boss thought him rude.
As for women he chased — they used Mace.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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193 Responses to “UPDATE: NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE: JUNE 6, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern) [DUE TO NOT ENOUGH ENTRIES] Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Rudeness and Peek” (double)

    I know that your pub is unique
    But tonight, I must stand up and speak:
    Our duck is quite raw
    Cuz I noticed and saw
    That it gave us a rude Peking peek

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    “To get re-elected”, he said,
    “I just gotta let this thing spread.
    So week after week,
    I’ll announce a new peak
    Until every last Democrat’s dead.”

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald’s engaged in a feud
    With Governors that he finds rude.
    “You want Fed supplies?
    Well, listen up, guys –
    You better be nice to me, dude.”

  4. Sharon Neeman says:

    Historical double-header (Coventry, 11th century):

    Being neither a monk nor a freak,
    At Godiva he just had to peek…
    For Tom’s rude act of cheating,
    He got such a beating,
    He couldn’t sit down for a week.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    I’d invited a girl home to “play”,
    And it should have been my lucky day.
    She was nude, she was rude,
    But she never got screwed,
    Since I had to stay six feet away.

  6. Zelick M says:

    Rude Awakening

    Couple sunshine and Methylene blue
    For COVID to suck on its due
    Chlorine Dioxide
    Yet no one has tried
    Think Pharma – Oops that’s a rude clue.

  7. Zelick M says:

    They’re coming to get me Ha Ha

    It’s the land of the free ‘so to speak’ –
    Will land you in shtoch – up a creek
    Snake oil the ‘free’ press
    Call cure – all MMS
    Do their darnest you don’t get a peak

  8. Don Lee says:

    No you can’t peak

    but it’s my special day this week

    Yes Mom but you taught us to remember

    Anticipation like a burning ember

    is part of the fun in life’s game of hide and seek

  9. Sharon Neeman says:

    As the lockdown relaxes this week,
    My gray hair’s sticking up in a peak,
    All my frocks are too tight,
    My complexion’s a fright,
    And I haven’t a shred of mystique.

    It’s all true, I admit it — but, dude,
    Did you honestly buy me a snood?
    And what’s this thing — a sack?
    That’s no dress! Take it back…
    No, you KNOW what? Go pack! You’re too rude!

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    That cooking show surely does pique
    Our in’trest, (we watch it each week)
    The “Vichyssoise Part”
    Stated, “All chefs should start
    By taking a very good leek”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    A riddle (double)

    Who am I? Obnoxious and rude,
    I’m a liar, I’m racist, I’m crude.
    I erupt every week
    Into huge fits of pique …
    Here’s a clue – I am bright-orange-hued.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Donald said, “Sue, take a peek
    Come admire my macho physique”
    Then she told me real clear
    “When I glanced at his rear
    It looked like a battered antique”

  13. Tim Gray says:

    The latest story to leak
    Is another Trump fit of pique….
    “I’ll not take the blame
    If there’s someone to name
    Who’s clearly spineless and weak.”

  14. Sharon Neeman says:

    NOTE: Based on an event before coronavirus!

    My little grandnephew (he’s three)
    Was dismayed and astounded to see
    That his loud eructation
    And rank flatulation
    Gained no adulation from me.

  15. The virus already hit peak!
    No, really! Stop looking so bleak!
    Our shop’s open. Step in
    with a big maskless grin.
    Or you’re make California look meek!

  16. Lisi Nortman says:


    It’s so difficult talking with you
    You refuse to hear my point of view
    Cuz you always but in
    And I never can win
    Can’t you wait till my sentence is through?

  17. Roger Haugen says:

    The hiker on top of Pike’s Peak
    Was compelled to take a big leak;
    Like a bad dream
    The wind caught the stream,
    And splashed it all over his cheek.

  18. Kirk Miller says:

    Colorado outdoorsman’s critique
    Of a mountain is rather unique.
    He dislikes it, although
    It is famous, and so
    He refers to the top as Pike’s Pique.

  19. Roger Haugen says:

    Happily ensconced in Wisconsin
    Sits a gently old Swede. Einar Swanson;
    Throws open the door
    To the rich and the poor–
    Except for that louse Ole Johnson.

  20. Roger Haugen says:

    A donkey whose ego was brass,
    While munching Argentinian grass,
    Stuck his nose in the air:
    “I’m beyond all compare”–
    No question, a real Pampas ass.

  21. Roger Haugen says:

    Said the Baron, directing a glare
    To the peon who thought life’s not fair:
    “Don’t blubber and whine,
    What’s mine is all mine–
    If you can’t survive I don’t care.”

  22. Steve Frakt says:

    He struggled to the mountain’s high peak
    The guru’s guidance and wisdom to seek
    But when he reached the summit
    His spirits did plummet
    The sign said “gone fishin’, back in a week”

  23. Steve Frakt says:

    As the bulge in his pants did protrude
    She said you’re behaving most rude
    You’ve already started
    Yet my legs haven’t parted
    You must first put a gal in the mood

  24. Fred Bortz says:


    Hey, lover, would you like a peek
    At what you once touched every week?
    Alas, it’s just Zoom,
    And we’re not in the room
    Where we’d each get the rush that we seek.

    You would? Glad the answer is yes.
    Just one problem: If it’s a success,
    And you show me yours, too,
    Doing all it can do,
    Then the screens of our phones are a mess.

  25. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Journal entries at twentieth week:
    Isolation brings on fit of pique!
    Damn pandemic drags on…
    Soap supply is long gone.
    My dog, Havoc, continues to reek.

  26. Tim Gray says:

    Most people would think it is dire
    That Trump is an out-and-out liar.
    The man at the peak
    Should not be so weak,
    He should be forcibly made to retire.

  27. Tim Gray says:

    John thought he’d have a quick peek
    At the activities due for next week.
    What he found when he looked
    Was he was all double booked
    Which led to no small fit of pique.

  28. Steve Whitred says:

    Vicarious Voyeurism

    When he heard the provocative squeak
    From the bedroom, he chose not to speak
    He could not see the beaus
    But he saw his wife Rose
    As she stood on her toes for a peek

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    So what! if the “seniors” all leak?
    They’re content, cause they’ve all reached their peak
    But OOPS! I’m not sure
    Seems these Cougars want more
    (I just happened to peek at the creek)

  30. Mike Young says:

    As I stand at the top of a peak
    At most of the world I can peek
    But no-one can see
    What has happened to me
    Which prevents them from showing their pique!

  31. Mike Young says:

    I have to suggest that rudeness
    Is socially better than lewdness.
    If you’ve stopped wearing togs
    When swimming past logs
    The Scottish Loch then might be rude-Ness?

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    slight change in L5 (from today at 1:14 AM)

    So what? if the “seniors” all leak?
    They’re content cause they’ve all reached their peak
    But OOPS! I’m not sure
    Seems these Cougars want more
    (I took a sneak peek at the creek)

  33. Tim James says:

    Oh, those lady reporters are rude,
    With their nasty and foul attitude!
    We were all forced to witness
    How gals scare Trump shitless:
    They’re MEAN to that strong, manly dude!

  34. Steve Whitred says:

    Through the darkness we fumble and grope
    Is it lynching without any rope?
    Up on Oracle’s Peak
    The one answer we seek
    Is the future without any hope?

  35. Steve Whitred says:

    In the car their behaviour was crass
    It had pulled out and started to pass
    When a boy in the back
    With contortionist knack
    Dropped his droors as he showed me his … bum

  36. Tim Gray says:

    No stranger to a fit of pique
    Is the man at the USA peak.
    Contemplating his vanity
    And also his sanity
    That gives you more than a peek.

  37. Tim Gray says:

    During sex, when nearing the peak,
    A sudden urge for a leak.
    So I withdrew my dick,
    Took a leak really quick,
    Then blew her into next week.

  38. Tim Gray says:

    I don’t care what you might think,
    I think your views really stink.
    Sane you are not;
    You’ve in truth lost the plot
    And I think your mind’s on the blink.

    Alternative last line:
    And I think you should see a shrink.

  39. Wayne Feder says:

    Though body shaming injured his pride,
    Trump resolved to set vengeance aside.
    So controlling his pique,
    He turned the other cheek
    But found that one was fully as wide.

    Trump crazy has now reached its peak,
    No future could be quite this bleak.
    We’ve swallowed the pill,
    And have bottomed the hill,
    Oh wait, that’s not counting next week.

    When Trump’s at the journalist’s throats
    Or getting the med expert’s goats,
    Is his rudeness the work
    Of a maniacal jerk
    Or Donald just sowing his oats?

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Words Of Death

    On our drive, things were suddenly bleak
    I started to shake and felt weak
    Cuz we noticed a sign
    That said, “Crafts By Design”
    Then heard, “Honey, let’s take a quick peek.”

  41. Dave Johnson says:

    One thing about having to start
    Positioning six feet apart;
    Additional space
    Offers this saving grace:
    Identity blocked when you fart.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: one limerick up: instead of “And my wife said, “Let’s take a quick peek”
    Could you please change that to: Then heard, “Honey, let’s take a quick peek”

    Thank you,



  43. Tim James says:

    As her dance reached its physical peak,
    Her kid brother called out this critique:
    “Swing your butt side to side
    In an arc high and wide!”
    Yes, the twerp thinks her twerk needs a tweak.

  44. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Off with their heads!” screamed the Queen.
    Cried Alice, “That’s mean and obscene!”
    “No, it’s not — it’s just rude,
    ’cause I’m in a bad mood.
    You should see what gets lopped when I’m mean.”

  45. Dave Johnson says:

    A new guy- her tension reliever:
    She offered to show him The Beaver.
    Saying”here – take a peek;
    And you’ll find what you seek.”
    The book said his last name was Cleaver…

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    Pelosi unleashed a critique;
    That Trump was just wimpy and weak.
    On Twitter she found
    That her message was sound;
    She’d climbed to the top of his pique.

  47. Tim Gray says:

    For Trump, who will vote No
    And yes for Biden, his foe?
    Will the polls give a peek
    At how people will speak
    Saying Trump has just got to go?

  48. Tim Gray says:

    Trump’s tweets show as a rule
    That he’s an incredible fool.
    They give us a peek
    At a man who is weak
    Who likes to think he is cool.

  49. Tim Gray says:

    Who the hell do you think you are
    Driving like that in the car?
    So it’s one in the night
    And the traffic is light
    But you never did ask your mama.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Donald Trump is a number-one creep
    In doo doo, he’s got himself deep
    He is just downright crude
    Only time he’s not rude
    Is when he is well fast asleep

  51. MARK GREENBERG says:

    These political times are so bleak.
    The Donald shows nothing but pique.
    Though not at all bold,
    This act soon gets old –
    The truth is he’s really quite weak!

  52. Lisi Nortman says:


    C arolina is not at all shrewd
    R uns around with a crowd that is lewd
    U ndresses at bars
    D oes “the nasty” in cars
    E ven Witless, her dog, knows she’s rude

  53. Lisi Nortman says:


    I remember my Prof, Mr. Rose
    Who was one of those scholarly pros
    During each class
    He would always pass gas
    And use pencils to clean out his nose

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    better (Rudeness)

    I remember my Prof, Mr. Rose
    Who was one of those scholarly pros
    At the start of each class
    He would always pass gas
    And used pencils to clean out his nose

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a new definition of “rude”
    (If you do this, you’ll really be screwed)
    At the grocery store
    There will sure be a war
    If you cough, while you’re buying your food

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    second version

    There’s a new definition of “rude”
    (If you do this, you’ll really be screwed)
    At the grocery store
    You’ll be kicked out the door
    If you cough while you’re buying your food

  57. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said the Judge, “You’re an impudent floozy —
    a churlish, impertinent doozy!”
    “Do go on,” said the wench
    while she stood at the bench,
    “as compliments go, I ain’t choosy.”

  58. Tim James says:

    A rude Pennsylvanian would roast
    Southern Civil War leaders. He’d boast:
    “Rebel gen’rals, you see,
    Led incompetent-LEE.”
    But he’s now moved to Georgia. He’s toast.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    New York is an in’tresting town
    The folks have a very strange frown
    The cliche that they’re rude
    Has been so misconstrued
    It’s just that you’re slowing them down

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    The most worthy goal I pursued
    Was learning to be very shrewd
    I enrolled in a school
    Called “Gang’stas Are Cool”
    And was taught to be properly rude

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    He said, “I have got some physique
    It is one that is truly unique
    My erection’s so high
    When you see it, you’ll die”
    (I was piqued when I peeked at his peak)

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Second Version

    He said, “I have got some physique
    It is one that is truly unique
    My erection’s so high
    You just can’t pass it by”
    (I was piqued when I peeked at his peak)

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mea culpa! Why didn’t I peek
    at my calendar early last week?
    Missed the twelfth day of May —
    National Limerick Day!
    (I should be paddled, then thrown in sh*t creek).

  64. Steve Whitred says:

    When ’The Trump’ and his company speak
    Of a virus that’s passing it’s peak
    I hear Obe Wan say
    In his Star Warsy way
    People, “these aren’t the droids that you seek

  65. Steve Whitred says:

    A Twofer:

    Well, I once had a fling with a freak
    And her fetish was fairly unique
    She was awesome in bed
    But what filled me with dread
    Was when Polly her parrot would peak

    Cuz, not only did Pollyanne peak
    But my paramour taught her to speak
    She’d say “Squack!” And “Oh blast
    Don’t you want this to last?”
    And, I’m not touching that with my beak!

  66. Tim James says:

    “Open up!” screams the mob, right on cue,
    And they really don’t care whom they screw.
    They’re aggressive and rude
    ‘Cause they want sit-down food
    Plus a haircut, massage, and tattoo.

  67. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    These are things make me wanna go “eek!” :
    When that zit on my nose grows a peak.
    Being chewed on by fleas.
    Getting sprayed with a sneeze.
    Catching earfuls of noxious Trump-speak.

  68. Kirk Miller says:

    A four-letter word can be rude
    And sometimes can be misconstrued.
    I’ll give you a sample,
    A real good example,
    ‘Cause OPEC connotes something crude.

  69. Jean McEwen says:

    “Kiss my ass!” Peter shrieked in fake pique.
    So obligingly, Mel, who is meek.
    Felt compelled to submit
    And to lick it a bit–
    Unaware it was all “tongue in cheek.”

  70. Jean McEwen says:

    “Ahem – I don’t mean to be rude,
    But please trust me: I’m not in the mood.”
    “Oh, come on, now, I know
    That you want it – and so
    I’ve a God-given right to intrude.””

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Many rodents will munch on your food
    Some are selfish, disgusting, and crude
    Most will gnaw and will chew
    I once knew a mouse who
    Ran away with a rat who was rude

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s a sin to let anyone peek
    At my badge for “Submissive And Meek”
    This magnificent prize
    Is a real teensy size
    And sure proves I’m “The Man Of The Weak”

  73. Valerie Fish says:

    In my heart I’ve a terrible pain
    When will I see my grandson again?
    We’re over the peak
    So why not next week
    Before I go completely insane!

  74. Tim Gray says:

    Yet another Trump fit of pique
    Occurred at the White House this week.
    The Obama portrait
    Will stay in its crate
    As Trump refuses a peek.

  75. Patrice Stewart says:

    Once Bitten, A Hundred Times Shy

    She had him cupped nicely in cheek
    When he opened his eyes for a peek:
    Oh, babe, don’t stop now,
    Then – too loudly – yelled, Ow!
    She bit down: miles around heard the shriek
    (Dick’s dick’s shorter, he’s known as a freak
    But keeps quiet; perhaps a small squeak).

  76. Patrice Stewart says:

    Gotta Bump Trump: Dump the Chump

    Our C-in-C revels in rudeness
    And constantly shows off his crudeness.
    If he had half a brain
    He might choose to refrain,
    But no. I like to call him His Dudeness.

    How he got there, I still feel amazed
    At the number of voters who, crazed,
    By God knows what delusions
    Bought into illusions
    Chief Liar razz-dazzled. Unfazed

    By the hatred he sows in his wake,
    Undisturbed by this fool on the take,
    They still fixate on “ME!”
    Bias, selfishness, glee…
    COVID, clean up! A new world we’ll make!?
    (He won’t bend, so the bastard we’ll break.)

  77. Brian Allgar says:

    A French dictionary frequently aids,
    Bridge-players have known for decades,
    So when Trump, so to speak,
    Throws “pique” after “pique”,
    You’ll know that he has them “in spades”.

  78. Brian Allgar says:

    A limerick ought to be rude,
    Salacious, suggestive and lewd,
    But not vulgar; when stuck
    For a rhyme, don’t use ‘fuck’ –
    That’s too obvious a word, and too crude

  79. Tim James says:

    He swung by her house for a peek
    Through her window each day for a week.
    But she caught him today
    And they hauled him away.
    There’s no paddle for him up this creek.

  80. Val Fish says:

    We used to do it three times a week
    But now our sex life has passed its peak
    She’s lost her ardour
    I must try harder
    And maybe try out a new technique

  81. Sharon Neeman says:

    There was an extremely rude Peke
    Whose libido outstripped his physique.
    To get off his (small) rocks,
    He’d hump ankles in socks
    And the legs of fine furniture (teak).

  82. Daisy Ward says:

    The young man reached his peak
    About it, he begin to tweek
    His loving is silicone
    That it reaches the bone
    In his dreams, that’s what he seek

  83. Daisy Ward says:

    The old man spoke to a boy
    Who walks away feeling annoy
    Put his ear plugs in
    Then snatched away his chin
    Being rude is no easy decoy

  84. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  85. Tim James says:

    I’m a Luddite, a lazy old chap.
    High-tech smart phones? I don’t give a rap.
    But my int’rest would peak
    If some talented geek
    Wrote a program to download a nap.

  86. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’m no Christian and shouldn’t intrude —
    But Trump’s “church” stance is making me brood.
    If, as Matthew opined,
    Blind should not lead the blind,
    Should the rude now be leading the rood?

  87. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Beat the whites till they form a soft peak” —
    She bought twelve eggs each day for a week,
    But they never did get
    To the shape of her pet,
    The soft little Peke, Mr. Zeke.

  88. madkane says:

    UPDATE: NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE: JUNE 6, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern)


    FYI, Here are the last ten blog contest entry counts, going backwards from the current one:
    89, 117, 163, 136, 108, 114, 128, 125, 139, 157

    It bounces around a bit, but the trend is disheartening.

  89. Brian Allgar says:


    “One more week!” Mad decrees. “It won’t do!
    The entries are still far too few!”
    Well, I won’t mention “greed”,
    But how many d’you need?
    You’ve already received ninety-two!


    From MBK:

    FYI, Here are the last ten blog contest entry counts, going backwards from the current one:
    89, 117, 163, 136, 108, 114, 128, 125, 139, 157

    It bounces around a bit, but the trend is disheartening.

  90. Steve Frakt says:

    This contest has not reached its peak
    As MadKane more entries does seek
    Though I don’t know why
    She let the deadline pass by
    As mine was the best of the week !

  91. Steve Frakt says:

    Your submission count’s looking bleak
    Like a pulse rate growing too weak
    So here is one more
    To help up the score
    Surely this one stands at the peak

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    Please file under ‘Rudeness’.

    Eighty-nine? That’s not playing the game.
    It suggests we’re indifferent – cry shame!
    Of course, COVID nineteen
    May have dulled the odd bean,
    And seclusion have stifled the flame?

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend at school was real chic
    So handsome, so stylish, (unique)
    We were always discreet
    In the locker we’d meet
    In order to play “hide and peek”

  94. Valerie Fish says:

    I have to confess that I’m smitten
    With Piers on Good Morning Britain
    Some say he’s so rude
    But I’d say just shrewd,
    Underneath as soft as a kitten

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mama collected Belleek
    (Irish crystal, no stemware could peak)
    The goblets, for gin
    Except for the kin
    Who drank brewski right down by the creek

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: could you please change L5
    “right down by the creek” to “way down at the creek”

    Thank you, Lisi

  97. They think virus is well past it’s peak,
    so going out’s all hide and seek.
    You’re always at task
    to spot all without mask
    and want to pass you cheek to cheek!

  98. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Humdrum deadlines of late are suspended.
    Some rescheduled, delayed, or upended.
    But of stays most unique,
    we stand proud at the peak —
    our own Limerick-Off’s been extended!

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    The contestants are not at their peak
    And Mad has declared her critique:
    “Don’t write just a few
    Cuz a few will not do
    Or the same thing will happen next week”

  100. My life is much better, I find,
    If I’m courteous, thoughtful and kind.
    You, who label me rude:
    Shove your dumb attitude

  101. It’s Trump’s tried and tested technique:
    When he tweets and arouses our pique,
    He’s making a bet
    We’ll completely forget
    What he tweeted the previous week.

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    Interrupting, he started to speak;
    Igniting her own fit of pique.
    And that’s how it went
    With their stay-at-home vent;
    To kick off another great week.

  103. A conceited young fellow named Ruud
    Wore a blindfold whenever he screwed,
    For the tiniest peek
    At his own taut physique
    Made him jealous, and ruined the mood.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, here goes my lim’rik, (don’t peek)
    Cuz it’s boring, not clever, nor chic
    It’s a ploy just to boost
    What last week had produced
    So we won’t all be up the damn creek

  105. Tim James says:

    An Athenian gal showed her pique
    (When I tried for a kiss) with a shriek.
    Then “Μαλάκα!” said she
    As she glowered at me.
    I’d respond, but to me it’s all Greek.

    (Copy and paste Μαλάκα! into Google Translate)

  106. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Your eyes are so fine — but your mask
    Is so frustrating! Please, may I ask
    You to just let me peek
    At your lips as you speak?”
    She said nothing. (She only spoke Basque.)

  107. Valerie Fish says:

    I couldn’t believe it, how rude!
    Soaking up the sun in the nude
    On the beach he lay
    His bits on display
    Whilst onlookers aahed and oohed

  108. Delano Britt says:

    I’m sorry that I took a peek.
    At your ugly wives, left butt cheek.
    Because it was so flat.
    Just like a doormat.
    That the sight left me sickly for weeks.

  109. Delano Britt says:

    I’m sorry that I took a peek.
    At your ugly wives, left butt cheek.
    Because it was so flat.
    Just like a doormat.
    That I was left sick for a week.

  110. Dee Hyrkas says:

    The future seems barren and bleak.
    My Covid is reaching its peak.
    The hunger’s bad too.
    It’s the wrong thing to do
    but off to the market I sneak.

  111. Dee Hyrkas says:

    That sneezing uncovered is rude!
    I repeatedly lecture my dude.
    We expect the danger
    to come from a stranger.
    In this case, contagion’s home-brewed.

  112. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’m stomping around in a pique.
    Some people just called me a geek.
    Though I wear black glasses
    and ace all my classes,
    I consider the evidence weak.

  113. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’m stomping around in a pique
    cuz that rude chick just called me a geek.
    I yank off my glasses
    and cut all my classes
    in the hopes that she’ll shut her beak.

  114. Dee Hyrkas says:

    Based on a true story:
    His medical case was unique.
    He’d battered and bruised his physique.
    He shattered his head,
    they left him for dead.
    The man tried to sled down Pike’s Peak.

  115. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I lifted the sheet for a peek
    but his body’s starting to reek.
    I murmur goodbyes
    and close both his eyes.
    The corona took him last week.

  116. Dee Hyrkas says:

    The back of my pants sprung a leak.
    That would make most people freak.
    I could hide it much better
    if my waist sports a sweater,
    tightly tied to thwart folks who peek.

  117. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’m stomping around in a pique.
    She’s extended the deadline a week.
    Yet I can’t start a feud
    or appear to be rude
    cuz this chick’s inclined to be meek.

  118. Dee Hyrkas says:

    It feels like I’m doing time
    when I slave at the same tired rhyme.
    If I hear the word “peak”,
    I will utter a shriek.
    I consider postponement a crime.

  119. Dee Hyrkas says:

    The rebellion is picking up speed.
    I believe there’s a ref’rence to greed?
    I don’t mean to be rude
    but consider it, dude.
    Perhaps ninety is all that you need.

  120. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I dare not venture a peek
    when the contest ends in a week.
    If the poets are slacking,
    our Mad will be quacking,
    and I don’t think that she’ll shut her beak.

  121. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’m stomping around in a pique.
    I tear out my hair and I shriek.
    I need this to end
    so consider it, friend.
    The extension should just be one week.

  122. Dee Hyrkas says:

    Some folks do things that are rude
    and frankly, I’m not in the mood.
    I won’t name any names
    but she’s playing games.
    I retreat to my corner to brood.

  123. Dee Hyrkas says:

    Oh, please, Mad, stop in for a peek!
    I’ve been on a copying streak.
    I’ve put in nine or ten
    so your blog’s stocked again.
    Now on to the new contest queek!

    By “copying streak”, I mean I’m copying my own limericks off FB. Now there are more total than the last entry period.

  124. Dee Hyrkas says:

    Mad’s nursing her own little pique
    or maybe I’m speaking in Greek.
    I hope for an answer
    ere I die from my cancer.
    I call this the “hard sell” technique.

  125. Tim Gray says:

    More and more like a petulant child
    Displaying behaviour that’s wild
    Trump hits a new peak
    With his action to seek
    Twitter regulations be filed.

  126. Tim Gray says:

    I don’t know if this qualifies as rudeness?

    There is one rule for me
    And another for others you see.
    As President I can
    Enact a ban
    And make Twitter leave my tweets be.

  127. Brian Allgar says:

    (Here’s one that appeared in this week’s ‘Light’.)

    Donald’s mood is far worse than mere pique;
    He’s so angry, he barely can speak.
    “I rely on Fox guys
    To support all my lies,
    But they said something TRUTHFUL this week!”

  128. Brian Allgar says:

    Well, I make it 130 so far …

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a good way for numbers to peak
    It’s a plan that is truly unique:
    Find some hot guys who’ve skill
    Say you’ll give them a thrill
    If they’ve got a good metered technique

  130. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With oxygen scarce at the peak,
    I find myself laughing till weak,
    getting giddy when Hyrkas
    goes gaily berserkus,
    and Tim James begins swearing in Greek!

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Tale of May 23, 2020”

    The contest did not reach its peak
    Mad felt hopeless cause things seemed so bleak
    Her scalp was quite red
    Mark squealed when he said,
    “She’s been pullin’ her hair out all week”

  132. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’m kind of thrilled to be in your limerick, Sjaan! Yes, I am frustrated and at least semi- berserkus. I wrote twenty-nine limericks on the FB page. I didnt have any on here due to posting problems. But, Mad, just the afternoon before judging, you posted “get your limerick stragglers in.” If the numbers were significantly down, you must have known it then. Why not a heads-up at that time? I would have done what I did later, tried and succeeded in posting on the blog. I copied in 15 of the 29.
    I kind of feel that you’re taking the talent for granted a little, sentencing us to two more weeks of the same old- same old. I wrote 29 and “I’m ready to move on.” If anyone else agrees, won’t you please say so?


    From Mad Kane:

    It’s so lovely to be appreciated! (Sarcasm intended.)

    Dee, you feel “taken for granted?” You’re “ready to move on?”

    Then by all means, feel free to move on to some other ongoing limerick contest. And good luck finding one!

  133. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I meant move on to the next theme. I didn’t mean not participate. But if u want me not to, that’s fine.


    From Mad Kane:

    Makes no difference to me. Choice is yours.

  134. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’ve already outlived my prognosis by four months. Part of my reward for doing this is a fresh challenge. I guess I just get frustrated because I feel like I may not have that much time.

    From Mad Kane:

    Sorry to hear about your health issues.

  135. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For Dee Hyrkas–
    I got such a kick out of your “mad” scramble to help fill the limerick void! I mean this all in good fun and only hope that, since I don’t know how to pronounce Hyrkas, I didn’t dishonor it with a mis-rhyme. The tail end of my own surname rhymes with ‘odor’, so I may be in for it! :)
    As for Mad’s request for MORE!, I think it’s proving to be an excellent wake up call for the poetic muse. Although I suppose your own muse must be exhausted after 29 limericks!

  136. Dee Hyrkas says:

    Sjaan, you actually rhymed my name perfectly. I always feel my name should be easy to pronounce but a lot of people have trouble with it. I just tell them it rhymes with circus.

  137. Tim Gray says:

    I’ll throw five cents into the pot with tongue-in-cheek rudeness

    I’d venture that the name Hyrkas
    Is a possible rhyme with circus.
    Though he has no renown
    At being a clown,
    We can see what going berserk is.

    P.S.. I wrote this before I saw Sjaan’s offering

  138. Tim Gray says:

    What is it constitutes rudeness
    Bad manners, arrogance or lewdness,
    Or the Capitalist kind
    Robbing other folks blind
    Under the byword of shrewdness?

  139. Tim Gray says:

    Trump’s complaint against Twitter
    Is sardonic, twisted and bitter.
    And gives a new peek
    At his inferior streak
    That shows he’s an ornery critter.

  140. Dee Hyrkas says:

    So are our limericks your intellectual property? Not that I’m imagining there’s a big demand for them. But I’m wondering how that works.


    From Mad Kane

    I make no intellectual property claim on other people’s limericks. Each limerick writer owns the copyright on his/her own creations.

    Any other issues/complaints you’d like to raise?

  141. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “What new hell doth Calliope wreak?
    All the songs I now sing end in ‘pique’!”
    That’s what Orpheus said
    as he danced in my head.
    (Would have much preferred Zorba the Greek).

  142. Tony Holmes says:

    I was stripped to the buff – that’s the nude,
    By my medical team to be viewed.
    Once they’d prodded and stared,
    With one voice they declared,
    “We’re delighted to tell you, you’re rude.”

  143. Mark G. Kane says:

    This hooker could sense what you seek.
    And so she did that with her Sheik.
    While men came and went,
    And each left well spent,
    Her Sheik paid her well to just peek.

  144. Diane Groothuis says:

    Peeping Tom was a rude little sneak
    Always snatching an illicit peek
    At girls in the raw
    And guess what he saw?
    Tits and bums with a lot of fat cheek.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    Two old biddies, adoze on the beach,
    Were aroused upon hearing a screech.
    Frightful sight! Naked bloke;
    One old dear has a stroke,
    But too slow, second biddy can’t reach.

    Well I think it’s rude. Hee, hee.

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    A Word To The Wise.

    Voyeurism means having to stare,
    So, lascivious fellow, beware!
    Furtive glances may pique
    And redound on the sneak,
    In which case you’ll be minus a pair.

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    Lady G wanted Tom to enjoy.
    “After all, he’s a pubescent boy.
    We’ll permit him to peek,
    While conducting our streak,
    But permission denied, hoi polloi!”

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    In response to Diane’s acid plaint,
    Peeping Tom was, most likely, a saint!
    So he had a sneak peek,
    Got an eyeful of cheek;
    If the heart remains pure, where’s no taint?

    Just for fun, Diane. X

  149. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A Limeriddle?

    Two Hillarys — neither one meek —
    shared a passion alike yet unique:
    for so long each had nursed
    a desire to be first.
    But just one of those ‘Hills’ reached the peak.

  150. Tony Holmes says:

    In response to Diane’s acid plaint,
    Peeping Tom was, most likely, a saint!
    So he had a sneak peek,
    Got an eyeful of cheek;
    But a man pure of heart – where’s the taint?

    Wasn’t entirely happy with the last line.

  151. Patrice Stewart says:

    The Riot Act

    She said, in a small show of pique,
    I’m okay with the fact you’re a freak;
    When you suck on my toes,
    We both know how that goes –
    It’s all great til you let out your shriek.

    It just makes me rise right off the bed,
    Like last night when I hit my head!
    Have you not heard of quiet?
    You really should try it,
    Or I can get straight sex with Ed
    (If he’s busy, there’s always Big Fred).

  152. Patrice Stewart says:

    More Couth, Forsooth

    There was a young farmer named Bucky
    Who hailed from the state of Kentucky.
    One night, wanting to *uck, he
    Faux pas’d (approach sucky).
    Now sheepish, things ain’t looking ducky
    (No time soon will Bucky get lucky).

  153. Patrice Stewart says:

    Police, Police Yourselves

    I sit with my cats in my lap,
    TV on (Minnesota: more crap…).
    Yep, race hatred’s a’thrive
    Spurred by Thump and his jive :(
    Sure, this poem’s weak – still, made ya peek!

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    First I say, “Well, of course, take a peek”
    Then I call him a “dirty old sneak”
    Then I whisper, “You’re hot
    But in truth, you are not”
    (I call this my “bitchy mystique”)

  155. Lisi Nortman says:

    The comics today are real crude
    They put me in such a tense mood
    I recall those “old days”
    They had fabulous ways
    To be funny, without being rude

  156. Tony Holmes says:

    “Place your hands on the back of your head!”
    These are words we have all come to dread.
    ‘All I did – let me speak!
    Was take one little peek –
    What? Oh, yes, sir, I brought my own bed.’

  157. Dave Johnson says:

    He turned on the TV and stewed;
    His spokesperson failed to allude
    To his greatness and all.
    Then reporters she’d call
    And not be sufficiently rude.

  158. Tim James says:

    A fellow was quite impolite
    To a Twin Cities cop Friday night.
    He was carrying pot
    So he could have been shot.
    But he wasn’t; it turned out all white.

  159. Diane Groothuis says:

    She said with incredible pique
    How nasty to say I’m a freak
    When the size of YOUR nose
    Is as large as it goes
    And your ugliness is most unique.

  160. Diane Groothuis says:

    He sat on Mt Everest peak
    Where the wind and the snow were quite bleak
    Saying “If it gets colder
    Before I’m much older
    My testicles will start to speak”

  161. Diane Groothuis says:

    He sat on Mt Everest peak
    Where the wind and the snow were quite bleak
    Saying “If it gets colder
    Before I’m much older
    My testicles will start to squeak”

  162. Tony Holmes says:

    “Quite apart from the fact that you’re crude,
    That your speech with expletives is strewed.
    What has irked me the most
    Is contempt for our host,
    And this striding around in the nude!”

  163. Tony Holmes says:

    “Quite apart from the fact that you’re crude,
    That your speech with expletives is strewed.
    What has irked me the most
    Is contempt for our host,
    And cavorting around in the nude!”

    Cavorting is richer, don’t you think?

  164. Tony Holmes says:

    “One accepts that one’s public is crude,
    That one may, on occasion, be booed;
    But one does not expect
    Such a lack of respect
    When performing one’s part in the nude.”

  165. Tony Holmes says:

    “No, I fear that M’lud’s misconstrued
    And allowed a false view to intrude.
    What I’m trying to say,
    What I mean to convey,
    Is, your lordship’s perception is skewed.”

    Rudeness, but with style.
    In an English court, the judge is referred to as, my lord. (M’lud)

  166. Tony Holmes says:

    A Minor improvement.

    “I’ve accepted you’re vulgar and crude,
    That your speech with expletives is strewed;
    What I will not condone,
    Is the insolent tone –
    And cavorting around in the nude.”

    Okay! You’ve got me. The truth is, I’m much taken with the cavorting.

  167. Tony Holmes says:

    “First, the beverage of choice must be brewed,
    After which we will, no doubt, get stewed.
    At this point, we may fight,
    Or, sing songs through the night,
    Which, without an exception, are lewd.”

  168. Steve Whitred says:

    Twas a stormy and darkening week
    And the protests are far from their peak
    Cuz a token arrest
    With their voices repressed
    Won’t address what the activists seek

  169. Lisi Nortman says:

    Used to read this to my Kindergartners back in N.J.
    (by Eve Bunting)

    It’s story time; let’s take a peek
    Baby Elephant just loves to seek
    Her Mama won’t fail
    To offer her tail
    And teach her ’bout critters, “Tweak Tweak”

    (Mama elephant told baby, “Just tweak my tail twice and I’ll teach you about all the creatures along our journey)

  170. Steve Whitred says:

    A performer refusing to speak?
    Pantomime as an art may be weak.
    But a mime in a box
    Made of glass, with real locks
    Takes hilarity right to its peak

  171. Lisi Nortman says:

    name of story book by Eve Bunting is “Tweak Tweak”

  172. Steve Whitred says:

    His ardor was reaching a peak
    He’d been surfing the PornHub all week
    Swiping left more than right
    On the triple X site
    He’s a virtual jerk, so to speak

  173. Steve Whitred says:

    There’s a woman in Queens, have you guessed?
    Puts our limerick skills to the test
    If at her you feel pique
    Or the urge to critique
    Just remember she’s doing her best

    So, don’t gripe, grumble, grouse, and don’t brood
    Don’t be churlish, self-centered, or rude
    I must say this because
    We all love what she does
    And don’t like when her good work is booed

  174. Tim Gray says:

    Come one day you shall see,
    You are they and they are thee.
    When into your mind it does sneak
    And affords you with a peek,
    That thought shall then set you free.

  175. Tim Gray says:

    Well, I think it’s rude…

    So well make America great
    By division and increasing hate.
    Well suppress all the blacks
    By reducing our tax
    While becoming more a police state.

  176. Tim Gray says:

    Forgot apostrophes

    So we’ll make America great
    By division and increasing hate.
    We’ll suppress all the blacks
    By reducing our tax
    While becoming more a police state.

  177. Tim Gray says:

    So’s this rude… (Tear gas to disperse protesters from in front of closed church in park across the road from WH.)

    Move all the people away
    While I go to church and pray.
    No it’s not a stunt
    Designed to affront
    See I carried my good book today.

  178. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, that Trump were a thing of the past!
    As Commander in Chief, he’s miscast.
    We should focus our hopes
    That electors, the dopes,
    Will have come to their senses, at last!”

    It’s about DT, ergo, it’s about rudeness.

  179. Dave Johnson says:

    Alexa’s new skill will include
    An effort to lighten the mood.
    Proclaiming her stress
    With the buttons you press;
    “Don’t touch me there – you are so rude!”

  180. From his bunker, King Trump risks a peek…
    Then utters a terrified shriek:
    “The election’s suspended!
    Democracy’s ended!
    I just saw a PROTESTOR! Eeek!!”

  181. stephen whitred says:

    With the warm smell of gas in the air
    And his badly bruised psyche laid bare
    To avoid looking weak
    In perpetual pique
    He advanced across T̶i̶e̶n̶a̶n̶m̶e̶n̶ Lafayette Square

  182. As a mid-eighties programming geek,
    I learned how to POKE and to PEEK;
    But the girls I’d been seeking
    For “poking” and “peeking”
    Dismissed me as some sort of freak.

    Fast-forward — and what do we do?
    Use computers to hook up and screw,
    While nerds like Bill Gates
    Have such beautiful mates…
    What happened? I haven’t a clue.

    (Guess I’m just BASIC.)

  183. Lisi Nortman says:

    He called me “detestable dude”
    Who was “vulgar and totally crude”
    Then he said I was “nuts”
    Just a “nasty old putz”
    And that’s when I lapsed into rude

  184. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Grab a Bible, a church, and a cop,
    and a camouflage outfit — chop-chop!”
    When they heard Kushner speak —
    his excitement at peak —
    they all knew that it meant Photo Op!

  185. Tony Holmes says:

    Rudeness, Thy Name Is Trump!

    To give those of his ilk a bad name,
    Is enough, in itself, to bring shame;
    But to lower the tone
    To a class all his own,
    Is a feat only Donald can claim.

  186. Dave Johnson says:

    While tending a gardening chore,
    A T-shirt is all that he wore.
    His bent-over stance
    Drew a passerby’s glance;
    An asshole she tried to ignore.

  187. Lisi Nortman says:

    High School Rudeness

    I try very hard, with persistence
    To make friends, but they all keep their distance
    I’m just not in their clique
    And it sure makes me sick
    That the cool girls ignore my existence

  188. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudeness: Keep the park clean, please!

    Whenever I feel a nice breeze
    I like to sit under the trees
    But, at times there’s a smell
    That sure makes me unwell
    Is it dog poop, or Limburger cheese?

  189. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  190. Lisi Nortman says:

    Gee! Wasn’t it only last week?
    My dreams let me have a small peek:
    A hashtag was pound
    Folks gathered around
    And I wasn’t a vintage antique

  191. Delano Britt says:

    Excuse me if I must peek.
    At your admirable sisters butt cheek.
    I was just thinking maybe?
    That she could have my baby.
    I believe I just sprung a leak. She leaves me feeling so weak.

  192. Andy Lester says:

    With Corona now hitting its peak,
    The voices in my head are quite bleak,
    A cure in the offing,
    Would help stop the coughing,
    That only I hear on repeat!

  193. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 445. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Sink.