Mad Kane’s Political Madness

One Response to “Weathering Bush (Haiku)”

1. Julian Damanas says:

   December 9, 2007 at 11:50 am

   The Presidaint (In memory of Ogden Nash 1902 - 1971)

   A lady on the bus at Carnegie Way
   said, “I really mustn’t fuss today,”
   I nodded and I looked away,
   but she clearly had some more to say
   “The president,” she then began,
   “I guess he is a clever man,
   but when he says ‘nu-cu–ler’
   I assume it’s the vernuculer!”
   “I, really, losers can’t abide!
   I guess the blame fool’s hands are tied,
   Iraq’s a mess, but what to do?
   It isn’t him, it’s me and you!”
   I turned and (quite discretely) flirted,
   “It’s all the same to me,” I blurted,
   I winked and then I looked away,
   but she clearly had some more to say!
   “The presidential wife,” she said,
   “She grins…her eyes roll in her head!
   I’m not quite sure that she’s all there,
   I do not like her loony stare!”
   “Uh..huh,” I said, uncomfortably,
   but she was not yet done with me,
   I fidgeted and looked away,
   but she clearly had some more to say!
   “That man,” says she, “that wicked Dick,
   he needs a good and solid kick
   right where his legs meet at the thigh!
   I think he’s such a nasty guy!”
   “Ahem!” I said, and looked around,
   my shoes I shuffled on the ground,
   I nervously did look away,
   but she clearly had some more to say…
   “…and all those nasty White House wimps!
   I’d like to lock ‘em up with chimps,
   and then you’d see them stop that game
   of Plame stage-name defame declaim!”
   “That’s too complex for me,” says I,
   I blushed and I began to cry,
   my visage turned from good to gray,
   but she clearly had some more to say
   “And what about that bad Osama?
   I heard them say,’He’s gonna bomb ya!’
   then I saw him speak on Al-jazeera,
   cool, if you please, as a cucumbeezer!
   I ask you, what’s the world coming to?”
   I miserably whispered, “I wish I knew!”
   I tried to pretend she’d gone away,
   but she clearly had some more to say
   “Global warmin’ what a bore!”
   “That foolish fellow Albert Gore!”
   “That Kyoto protocol is hooey!”
   “The thought of it excites ennui!”
   She screamed, “That Nancy Pelosi,
   she’ll never make a preziosi!”
   “And if old Dubs and Dicky die,
   I swear I’m just a-gonna cry!”
   “And as for that young fool, Obama,
   he hasn’t got a chance-a-rama!”
   “That John McCain, he’s old and farty!”
   “That Giuliani thinks he’s smarty!”
   “He ruined New York, don’t you see?”
   She thumped her knees and howled at me,
   “He’s turned it into Disneyland!”
   “His hairdo’s getting out of hand!”
   “Huckabee - Suckabee!” she fell about, laughing,
   “Hunter - Punter!” she was almost barfing!
   “Biden - Bidet!’,” she yelled with joy,
   “Kucinich! What a vacuous boy!”
   “Billy Richardson hasn’t got a clue!”
   “That Gravel looks like Old Baloo!”
   ‘Dodd - dodd - doddering!’ she yelled aloud,
   “Ron only makes his mommy proud!”
   “Thompson, Tancredo, begin with T,
   and so does Twit!” she shrieked at me.
   “Romney? Hah!” she yelled with scorn,
   “A lesser man was never born!”
   She fell about with ribald bliss.
   Her skirt rode up; I tried to miss
   the glimpse I got, then, of her panties,
   but my two eyes were vigilantes!
   I swear, I tried to look away,
   but there was one thing more to say,
   “I guess that leaves Hillary,” I stammered,
   My temples pulsed, my angina yammered,
   “You shet yer mouth!” she now declared,
   and in her eyes, large klieg lights flared.
   She dropped down on one slender knee;
   She blazoned with sincerity!
   She prayerfully held her stance,
   My nerves began to twitch and dance,
   “Oh, what is it?” I cried in fear,
   Her glaucous eye released a tear,
   She soft opined, “That girl’s a saint!
   “She’s gonna be the Presidaint!”